School Drop-Off Meltdowns and How to Cope – Ep. 429

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Shanna

Hi, welcome to Big Fat Positive with Shanna and Laura. On this week's episode, we have our weekly check-ins. We have our special segment, Throwback, where Laura tells a story about an end-of-summer panic she had before eighth grade, and we wrap it up with our weekly BFPs and BFNs. Let's get started. Hello, hello, everyone. Welcome to episode 429. Laura, what is up?

Laura

Shanna, I'm here to do a check-in about the first week of school. Oh, my gosh. Okay, all our kids are in school now. How did the first day and the first week

Shanna

go?

Laura

Well, so far, so good. Our week started on Wednesday, which isn't quite as bad as your Thursday start, but still kind of an awkward way to start the week. And so we had the beginning of the week to kill, and we just kind of hung out and did whatever. But on Tuesday, I was kind of sick of just hanging out at home. So I was like, you know what? I know you guys have seen the Toy Story movie that came out this summer, Toy Story 5, but I haven't seen it yet because you guys went without me. Would you want to go see Toy Story 5 again? And they were like, yeah. Like, movie theater? Slushies? Sure. Or I call them slushies because I think that's what they call them on The Simpsons. Icys or what do they call Slurpees? Icys, I think, is the brand name. Yeah.

Yeah. So I took the boys to the Burbank AMC 16 to watch Toy Story 5 in the middle of the day. And then we kind of had a little afternoon. Like, we went to Chipotle for lunch. And then I saw that there was a Gap outlet right next to, like, the movie theater. And I was like, look, we're here. It's right there. I think you're going to like it. Let's go in, right? Just do something for mommy. I do stuff for you all day. Let's do something for mommy. And so we walk in and instantly we were all reminded of the fact that my boys freaking love shopping. I was going to say, I have a memory of Augie in particular just loving shopping.

Oh my gosh, these kids. My theory is it's like a combination of growing up in pandemic times times and like online shopping times where it's really novel for them to go shopping in person. And yeah, the first time I took Augie, I think it was into an old Navy. He went nuts. He was like, I want this. I want that. You know, like, oh my gosh, this kid loves shopping. So this was no different. I, of course, wanted to look at some of the things in the women's section. But no, we went straight to the kids section. Of course. And they were just pulling everything to try on. They're like, I want shorts. I want jeans. I want a jacket. I want the shirt. I was like, okay guys, let's, let's, let's narrow our focus. I mean, they were really wanting to try everything on. Oh, how cute.

But they tried on a couple of pairs of jeans and I was able to steer them towards like the tie waist, like stretchy jeans. Cause I'm just like, look, guys, this is more comfortable. Take it from me. I don't want you to have to live your whole lives in uncomfortable jeans before you realize they're comfortable. But the big surprise was that they both were very insistent that they had to get jean jackets.

Shanna

Oh, yes. Entering their jean jacket era. I love that.

Laura

Oh my gosh. They both got new jeans and a jean jacket and they both wanted to wear it to the first day of school. And I was like, Hey guys, it's a hundred degrees.

So did they, did you let them anyway? I couldn't. Sebastian wore his jeans. I could not let him in good conscious bring his jacket. He was very upset with me. I was like, my dude, you're going to lose it right away. And it's, it's fucking hot outside. Like you're going to, you're going to die of the heat. So luckily enough, they were excited enough about their first day of school that they did let it slide eventually, but it was a bit of a struggle on day one. Oh my gosh. But yeah, so they started school on Wednesday and we had found out their classroom assignments the night before. And of course, I don't know any of the kindergarten

teachers because we weren't there for kindergarten. And I didn't know any of the second grade teachers because I hadn't done my like research. So I was just like, I don't know. I don't know if these teachers are like ones people want or don't want. I don't know what the deal is. Did you immediately try to find out by going to all the parent groups? Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I didn't want to go to the parent groups because I didn't want to be like, I don't know. I'm, I didn't want to be like demonstrating how nosy I was about this to everyone. I just wanted to like select individual people who were in the know. So I have like two parents that are like more in the know that I'm like friendly with, like on texting,

texting terms with. And I texted them both and thankfully got good feedback. The word on the street is that everyone loves both of their teachers. So that's great. Yay. Especially the kindergarten teacher. So Sebastian's kindergarten teacher has been teaching for 27 years, teaching kindergarten for 27 years. And, you know, when I've been running into other parents this week at pick up and drop off and all that stuff. And then, oh, who's your kid in class with, you know, that conversation that everyone has. I'll tell them Sebastian's teacher's name. And I keep consistently getting this reaction. Oh, wow. Like, oh, wow. She's still around? No, no. She's, she's not that old. She, you'd think like, oh, she's been teaching for 27 years. She's, you know, on the elderly side. No, she's probably not much older than us.

Shanna

Well, I didn't mean she died. I mean, like maybe she had retired or something.

Laura

Gotcha, gotcha. No, no. I mean, she's still very youthful. She, I think, just because she's like, apparently she's like the one to get. Like, everyone's like, oh, lucky you. Or like a little jealous. Got it. So I'm very happy about that. Because, you know, I really want Sebastian to have a really fantastic kindergarten year to set him up for the rest of his academic career, the rest of his school life. Yeah. Yeah. But she seems really, really sweet. And so does Augie's second grade teacher. And the good news is that I guess second grade and kindergarten have some program where it's like called Kinder Buddies, where second graders go and help teach the kindergarten kids things. And, you know, they just hang out. They're Kinder Buddies. Oh, that's so cute.

Augie's teacher was like, oh, Sebastian's teacher's class is our Kinder Buddy class. So Sebastian and Augie will get to be like the famous brothers this year. That's the best. Yeah. So that's good. Because otherwise, they're really not going to see each other that much. Because TK and Kinder have like their own playground. And they have lunch at different times. And even after care, they're like separated, you know, by age group. So it'll be nice for them to run across each other every once in a while in their Kinder Buddies program. That's so sweet. But yeah, everyone seems happy. Everyone's excited. And Augie's a little bummed because he doesn't have a ton of friends from his previous class in his class this year. And I'm like, yeah, that's probably on purpose.

Like, I think they intentionally split up friend groups sometimes to help kids branch out. But he does have one friend that he was really close with in class this year. So I think that's fine. Well, it's an opportunity to make new friends. That's what I always tell my kids. Exactly, exactly. I think he still just has a little bit of a hang up about being like the new kid in the middle of the year last year. You know, interesting. I didn't know that he had

Shanna

any feelings about that.

Laura

Well, he has feelings because he's talked about how he misses his friends from his old school, you know, a lot. And then until, you know, last year, every once in a while, he'd get sad and be like, I don't have any friends. Meanwhile, every time we go there, he's talking to like a million kids and we'll just be like walking and kids will be like, bye, Augie, bye, Augie. So he's, you know, he, I think he does have more friends than he realizes. But every once in a while, he kind of gets down about that. So I do think he really values the friendships he has. And I think it makes him feel a little unstable if he doesn't have some anchors in

Shanna

that way. But for sure, that's relatable.

Laura

Yeah, but I'm sure he will bounce back. And he's already talking about this one kid in his class a bunch. So I think he may have made another best friend. So yeah, all in all, a good first week of school. Yay, that's so great to hear. Yeah, I'm very happy that they're back. Not just because it's quiet in my house again, but also because like, I don't know, they need the structure. I think it's really great that they're getting to learn and do other things and just be with us all the time.

Shanna

Yeah, yeah, I agree.

Laura

Yeah. But anyway, that is my check in for this week. Shanna, what have you been up to this week? Your kids started school last week. So I assume now they're off and running.

Shanna

They are. This was their first full week of school. And like I talked about last week, the first two days were wonderful, glorious. They just went to school so happy and came home happy and it was fabulous. Well, in some ways that has taken a turn. And this week was not so easy. Oh, I don't know if this has anything or a lot to do with it. But remember how I mentioned that Cece's teacher was going to be going on paternity leave at the beginning of the year?

Yes. Yes. Well, he emailed everybody on Sunday night and said that his wife unexpectedly went into labor early and he would not be at school on Monday and he would be gone, you know, until the end of September. And that was not really the plan. He was going to be there for at least the first few weeks to help them get settled and stuff. And so, you know, there was this shuffle to get them a sub before the actual long-term sub, you know? And so there was just kind of like some shuffling and unexpected changes there. And Monday morning when I went to take Cece to school, it was a shit show.

It was one of the inconsolable meltdowns that, you know, is so difficult to deal with, right? It's like I get to the car line with both girls, Elle hops out. For whatever reason, the morning had disrupted Cece and the car ride over, Elle was like pushing her buttons and she was just escalating and escalating.

And by the time we got to the car line, she's like, I just want, just park and drop me off at the gate. And I was like, okay, okay. So we went and found a parking spot and I walked her up and we got to the gate and she just would not let go. She was sobbing. I want you, I want you, I don't want you to leave. And I'm just like looking around for any like helpers. Like, are there, is anybody here, is anybody here that can help me? Like, you know, cause I'm not allowed to go into the campus and there's like one security guy at the gate and we're standing there, the bells ringing, you know,

her class is filing in. I'm like, oh my gosh, we're on day three and we're already getting our first tardy for the year, which was an issue last year, right? Because she has struggles in the morning with transitions and emotional regulation. I was like, oh my goodness. Finally, a teacher I didn't know, an aide came up and was like, hi honey, come on, what, what class are you in? And like helped her in and was able to kind of like lure Cece away from me. And I watched her go in. I was

Laura

like, well, that was not fun. That is not fun. It's one of those things too, where like Sebastian would do this randomly when he was going to his preschool, right? Where like some days he was just like, he didn't even want me to walk him in. He was like, bye, I got this. But randomly for whatever reason, his emotions, the barometric pressure, who knows? He was like, he'd get clingy. And I'd have to like have one of the preschool teachers like peel him off of me, you know? Yeah. And it's so frustrating

because you just like intellectually, you're like, I know you like it here. Like I know once we get over this hump, you're gonna be fine. But you can't intellectualize through it, right? Like there's no, there's no way to talk her through it. And I know that her emotions are like huge, right? Are like really, really big. So I imagine that was like my experience times 100. Just try and also with a bigger kid, right? Because like, they're harder to peel off of you now. Yeah, she's got some grip strength. Oh, and it's just heartbreaking because like you want your child to be comforted, but you also want them to go to freaking school. You're just like, I don't know what to feel in this situation. And then you're all I don't know, for me, I'd get like irritated, and like annoyed, which doesn't help the situation at all either. I don't know. It's very emotionally complicated for

Shanna

me, you know, because I'm trying to stay calm and trying to stay regulated for her. And I'm trying to stay firm, because I mean, she needs to go to school, right? And then like the narrative of last school year with like attendance is important. Tardiness is important. Getting messages from the school about tardiness, like all of this kind of like is building in my anxiety, but I'm trying to stay calm and sympathetic towards her. And it is, you know, it's a storm inside of me too. And then I go to pick her up at the end of the day. And it is like nothing happened. She's just like, hi, I was like, how was school? She's like, it was wonderful. And I'm like, that's awesome.

Laura

Underneath you're like, why was she had thought about this earlier?

Shanna

So she was so happy. I'm like, okay, well, maybe it was a one off thing. Who knows? It was a rough morning getting ready. Tuesday was fine. Wednesday, holy shit, even worse. I mean, it was she was so dysregulated. I don't even remember what happened. Like, it's just like little things that that trigger her and lead to this, like, just inability to calm down, right? Everything I do or say is not working.

I haven't caught it in time to like redirect her. You know, it's too late. She's over the edge. She wants me to park again. I was like, okay, okay, I'll try again. And this time we stood outside the gate so long. We literally watched her class walk in. She's crying in front of friends and people who'd been walking up. It was so heartbreaking. And I got to the point where I was like, I have to bring you into the office and drop you off at the office. And she's like, no, I don't want to tardy. And I mean, it was so stressful. I brought her into the office. I like tried to usher her in at least there

there's like people, you know, working in the front desk and stuff. And they had to literally physically pull her off of me. She's gripped onto me sobbing. And I was like, I gotta go. And you know, they're just like, go, go, go how they always tell the parents. And I'm just like, I was so dysregulated myself by that whole thing that I walked out of there with like my head spinning. Like I literally felt dizzy. There were so many emotions, so much energy. So my nervous system was a wreck. And I just was like, incapable of doing anything the rest of the morning because I was so I don't know, I, I wasn't equipped to deal with it myself. I wasn't taking care of myself. And I was

Laura

just like, what is happening? Yeah, I mean, that is a lot. And then on top of it, you have this parenting in public issue too, right? Which is always adding that extra layer, right? But all these people are observing you and her in the situation. Have you had a chance to like decompress and process what happened and think about what happened? Luckily, I had a meeting with my therapist that

Shanna

day. And I told her about it. I know, right? It's perfect timing. And I had mentioned it's so wild that Cece will just do all of this and, you know, all this crying and screaming and all this stuff, and then go to school and then is just fine, right? She snaps out of it. By the time I pick her up, she's just fine. And the therapist was like, well, think about it. Like she's getting a release. She has an outlet for all that stuff that's going on in her, whatever it is, anxiety,

frustration, whatever all of that is, she's getting it out kind of energetically by crying, by screaming, by blah. And then it's over. And she's like, she's fine. She's like, what have you done to have an outlet or process? I was like, nothing came home and like sat in my chair and I don't know, drank coffee. It's like, well, what could you do? And I was like, okay, maybe I could and started talking about how, you know, maybe there's more intense type of things I can do for myself that are an outlet. You know, it's like, because when I hear things like take a breath,

do meditation, go for a walk, like those are great things. But for me, especially in those moments, that doesn't work. I was telling her, I'm like, I feel like what I want to do is punch a punching back. Like I want to do boxing or I want to like hike the steepest mountain or, you know, and I'm giving her ideas and she's like, you know what I do? Sometimes I make a playlist of old songs I used to just belt and then I'll put them on and I'll just sing so loud. I was like, yes. So like I put on music, I was like singing so loud. And let me tell you, it helped so much. It helps so much to just like do something with all that stress and energy.

Laura

Well, it goes back to that burnout book, right? That we talked about years and years ago, but their big thing was like, you need to complete the stress cycle, right? Like you need to do something to process like in your body, these emotions. So yeah, singing is a good one. I've also heard that singing like stimulates your vagus nerve. I feel like everything now they're like, everything stimulates your vagus nerve. But like, I don't know, but the singing and like, especially the big belting is that's part of the reason it helps regulate your nervous system. What's on your playlist, if you don't mind me asking?

Shanna

Well, I put together a playlist of songs that I used to sing at karaoke, right? So these are real old songs that are slightly embarrassing. But you know, my jam, I used to absolutely love

Laura

singing Bohemian Rhapsody, and Bon Jovi. You're acting like I didn't go to karaoke with you all the time.

Shanna

I know, I know. I'm like, I guess I'm not embarrassed to tell you, but our audience is seeing a very vulnerable side of me. Living on a prayer journey. I mean, just, just all kinds of stuff where I can just like sing loud as shit. And if it's in the alto range, that's even better, right? Because it's my range. And, and then my other idea was to look up singing, um, warmups or like vocal lessons on YouTube and stuff. And that is very calming for me too, because it's something physical. I can feel it in my body, but it's also active. It's not so calm that it actually drives me nuts. So, um, those are the techniques I have been using this week to try to regulate myself while dealing with my child's dysregulation.

Laura

Oh, that is so much. I'm so sorry you're dealing with that. It just, it just sets the day off on such a bad foot too, you know? It's just like, oh, it's like, you don't want to have to, you don't want to have to do your emotional regulation techniques at 830 in the morning.

Shanna

I know, right? It's like, gosh, give me some time first. Oh, well, I hope it gets better friend. Thank you. Thank you. Thursday and Friday were much better for her. Um, but I'm anxious going into next week. I don't know. We'll see.

Laura

We shall see what happens. Well, I'll start sending you some good karaoke songs in the meantime.

Shanna

Please do. Oh my gosh. All right. That's it for me. Shall we move on to our special segment?

Laura

I think we should.

Shanna

We're back. And this week's special segment is Throwback, where Laura and I tell stories from our past that may or may not influence our parenting today. Laura, you're up first. What is your throwback?

Laura

Okay, so my throwback is inspired by a situation that happened this week with Augie and Sebastian. So as I mentioned, they started school on Wednesday. And so the beginning of the week, we were just kind of like futzing around the house, you know, doing whatever. And one of my big wins recently is that I took a day where everyone else was out of the house to just completely reorganize this very messy little like hutch we have in the living room. That was basically like our art hutch. But it was also kind of a catch all like where we just throw things if we didn't know where to put them, yada, yada, you know, like some of my crafts were in there and like a lot of the

flowing with junk, right? And one day recently, I was just like, I can't handle this anymore. I took everything out. I sorted everything through away a bunch of stuff, reorganized, and I made it like this beautiful art hutch for the kids. It was so organized. I was so happy. Oh, that is so satisfying. So satisfying.

Shanna

It's the best feeling.

Laura

It really is. I loved it. And in the process of doing this, I uncovered a whole pile of temporary tattoos that had been buried underneath the piles of crap for God knows how long. I think at least two years, right? Oh my gosh. I know. And these were all transformer tattoos that I think I bought for like a birthday party. Actually, I think it was Augie's fourth birthday. He wanted to be Transformers themed. So because it was Transformers. I remember that. Oh, I like that play on words.

I don't think he put that together. He just liked Transformers. But anyway, the point is, I got these three years ago. And I think I cut some up and gave them out in like the gift bags. But we still had a ton left because I'm always overestimating how much we need of like literally everything and buy too much. So I had like a pile of these tattoos that were just sitting there. And the boys discovered them this week. Sebastian was like, Mommy, what's this? I was like, oh, super old tattoos. I assume they still work. And they're like, we want to put them on. We want to put them on. And so they started putting these tattoos on and they kept asking me for help. And finally, I was like, you know what, I need to

teach you guys how to do this properly. Like you're old enough. You can reach the sink. Like, let's just get it done. Right. So I teach them how to like wet a cloth and put it on to peel the plastic off all that stuff. And they're quiet for the next 30 minutes applying temporary tattoos all over their bodies, like just everywhere. Just they both had full sleeves of transformer tattoos.

You know, they were on their legs on their torso. And I was like, whatever, no harm, no foul until Tuesday night. Oh, when they're going to school the next day, I'm going to be meeting their teachers. And they had literally have like a still a full sleeve each of tattoos on their arms, and some on their face. And I'm like, shoot, we have to get these off. And Augie was like, why? I'm like, look, I don't want your teacher to meet you for the first time. And you're just covered in like half disintegrated temporary tattoos. It looks messy, right? I'm like, first impressions

matter. So I end up scrubbing them in the bath that night, like, and you know, like, oh, mommy, that, you know, it's too rough. And I was like, they got to get off somehow. I'm like trying all these techniques, I find, you know, like the technique where you put packing tape on it, or the one thing I didn't have was lava soap, which really made me upset, because I'm like, I should have gotten that the first time you recommended it. Oh, well, that was for Sharpie, I think, but it

Shanna

might have worked for tattoos. I'm sure it would. I'm sure what I'm saying is I like I tried,

Laura

I tried, I tried like oil cleansers. I tried baby oil. I tried olive oil. I tried like everything. I tried micellar water. Like I was trying everything. Yeah. What about alcohol rubbing alcohol? I did not try that. I probably should have but they were coming off though, eventually just good old soap and water and a washcloth. They were eventually coming off. So I we just had to do a good scrubbing. And as I was scrubbing these Decepticons off of their arms, I was like, this reminds me of a situation that I had when I was a kid. Oh, so my throwback brings us back to the summer of 1995, which was the summer between my seventh and eighth grades at Computech Middle

School. I've told a number of stories, I think about Computech Middle School. I just love that name. I know it's so nerdy. It's so funny. When people ask me like how I came to be like a web developer, you know, which is my day job. I'm like, well, I did go to a middle school called Computech. Yep. Yep. That checks out. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, it was the summer. I mean, we didn't I don't remember doing like camps or anything that summer. It was just a summer of like hanging around Fresno with all of my friends and my brother's friends. Because at this point, my brother's friends and my friends, we were all like completely integrated. Like all of our friends hung out with each other. We were only a year apart in school. So like, everyone knew each other.

And it was like a really good time. We would just all hang out mostly at my house and just like do God knows what all summer hang out. Sounds so fun. It does sound so fun. Now thinking back, we thought we were bored. But now it seems fun. And one of the things that we would do to kill the time is we got very into manic panic hair dye. Oh, right. That temporary hair dye bright colors. Yes. Manic panic is the hair dye tubs they would sell at Hot Topic. They probably still do for all I know, that come in like all the bright colors, you know, the non natural hair colors, red, green, blue, all that stuff. Right. And the person who was really spearheading all this manic panic stuff was my friend Jamie, who had naturally like bright blonde hair. So her hair just took the color so perfectly. Right. And so Jamie and I would like pick out a new color every other week and just dye

her hair and it would come out, you know, because it's temporary hair color, it would just wash right out. And it would be fine. Right. We did this a ton. Like I have a picture from New Year's Eve of me and Jamie and a bunch of our friends celebrating the new year. And you can go check it out. Shanna, it's in our folder. It actually is the very first photo in our folder because it's such an old photo.

Shanna

It went all the way to the bottom. Oh, okay. I see it here. Oh, okay. Your hair is bright green, very leprechauny, especially with that New Year's black fedora you've got.

Laura

Yes. And you see that blonde girl right next to me? That's Jamie.

Shanna

Jamie. Oh, yes. That is the hair that will suck up color.

Laura

Yes. Yes. So Jamie and I did a lot of hair dye and it always came out super easily. So we would do it during breaks, like this New Year's photo, you know, I did it during Christmas break. So it would wash out by the time school started. Because if you remember, back in the 90s, you weren't allowed to have, quote unquote, weird hair colors at school. I don't know about your school, but my school, it was like in the rules, you weren't allowed to have unnatural hair colors at school. It probably was.

Shanna

That was not my jam. So I'm not sure. But when I think about it, I'm like, I don't remember anyone walking around with dyed hair. So probably. Yeah, it was definitely not allowed at mine. And I knew

Laura

that. And that's why I would do it during breaks, right? Well, this particular summer, I was having fun with the hair dye. But I think what I didn't realize is I had also been using sun in that

Shanna

summer. Oh, is that that stuff you spray on your hair, then go lie in the sun and it like bleaches

Laura

your hair? Yes. Yeah. I mean, it's like, it's, I don't know, people used to say it was like lemon juice. I don't know. But what it does is just slowly bleach your hair and probably makes it more damaged and more porous and all that stuff. Right. So my hair had started getting more damaged and more lightened as the summer went on. And I didn't realize it or didn't think much of it when on the 4th of July, Jamie and I decided it would be really fun to dye our hair red, white and blue. And the

white was going to be our blonde. So red and blue. So I did the top half of my head red and the bottom half of my hair blew. I need to see this. I don't know if I have a picture. I think I do. But it might be on this hard drive I need to access in my closet. So if I can dig up a picture, I will for sure share it with the class. But for right now, I do not have a picture of it, unfortunately, which is surprising because unlike the other Manic Panic hair dye, which would wash out in like a week, right? This persisted. Oh, no. My hair was not getting back to normal very quickly. And weeks went by, you know, the 4th of July came and went. August came and went. And lo and behold, my hair was still pretty red and a little bit blue. What about Jamie's? Did it come out of hers? I think it did. It's probably because her hair was naturally blonde, right? Like she wasn't.

She wasn't lightening it. So her hair probably wasn't as porous.

Shanna

Right. It's the sun. And it's like when you bleach hair before you color it.

Laura

Exactly. I think so. I don't know. Some hairstylist listener, please help us understand the chemistry of this. But for whatever reason, and I do think Jamie did a different color combo. Like I did the red and blue. And she might have picked a pink or something like a hot pink. Mine would not come out. I washed and washed and washed and would not come out. And school was approaching. And my mom was starting to get real nervous because she knew I wasn't going to be allowed to go to school with my hair like that. Right. Were you feeling anxious about it, too? I mean, a little bit. Yeah. You know me. I'm a rule follower. True. Yeah.

I didn't want to. And I didn't want to like stick out. You know, I loved having the bright hair and I love that my parents did not care. Like my mom was like, if it doesn't hurt anyone, you know, you can express yourself however you want with your hair. So I loved being able to do that. But I also do not like being yelled at at school. So I was like, oh, my gosh, what am I going to do? So my mom finally realizes that we're going to need professional help. And she makes an appointment at a salon near us. Right. And at that point, I don't know if I had ever actually been to like a real adult salon in my life, like maybe for a quick haircut. But honestly, I think we went to super cuts for stuff at that point. So I remember going into that salon being like, ooh, la la, like this is fancy. You know, it was like a and oh, my gosh, I remember they had like a huge

poster of Jennifer Aniston with her like Rachel haircut in the window. And I remember thinking like that was so chic. Rachel and thinking I wanted that. But my mom was like, we're not here for a haircut. We're here to get your hair color fixed. Right? Yeah. Well, I think my mom also didn't really understand what like a color correction session was, because we were both taken aback at how long it took. So whoa, really? Well, now I know now that I'm a person who's been coloring my hair

at a salon for gosh, I don't even know how like 15 years, something like that. I, I understand that it's, it's like a whole process, right? Like you, you have to do like lifting and toning most of the time. And you have to like get the formula just right. And sometimes you have to come back for a second treatment if it's not just right. And sometimes like, how dry your hair is can affect it or how like, or like your hormones, stuff like that. I've spent enough time in my stylist salon chair hearing her talk about the chemistry of it that like, I respect it now. But back then, I didn't know what I was doing. I thought they were just going to go in and like,

Shanna

use some fancy shampoo on me. Well, no. So you were expecting to go in and have her just remove that color so that your hair looked like it normally did, right?

Laura

Well, yes, because that's what my mom said we were doing, right? She thought we were going in to do that. However, like three hours later, multiple like stripping sessions and like toning, I don't even remember all the things that actually happened. I just remember like being in the salon shampoo bowl for a really long time, you know, and I just remember like sitting there for a really long time. I actually think my mom left at some point and went home and then came back that like finally my hair had been restored to essentially its natural color. Although I do think that we got talked into like doing some highlights too. So I don't even know. Zhoosh it up while you're here. It was like a whole color correction situation. But my hair got restored to its, you know, quote unquote, natural color by the end of this session. And I was allowed to go back to school.

However, I have not heard the end of this. Oh, no. Yet, because my mom still brings this up every once in a while, when she talks about how much money it costs to get that color out of my hair.

Shanna

I was gonna say, I bet it cost her a lot of money, more than she was expecting.

Laura

Oh, for sure. Because I remember her being like, it's gonna cost how much, you know, like, I heard a lot about it. I got a lot of lectures about how I can't do that again. She's not gonna pay for that again. And oh, my gosh. And like, yeah, to this day, every once in a while, she'll be like, do you remember how much I had to pay to get your hair?

Oh, you're never gonna live it down.

Shanna

I'm never gonna live it down. So good on her, though, for making that choice. Because let me tell you, I think what I would have done, because I don't know any better was go, hey, let's go pick a like a brown hair dye at CVS. And just like, put that all over your head and like, just like, fix it, you know. But I'm starting to think maybe that wouldn't be the right answer.

Laura

Yeah, I don't think it would have worked for sure. And she must have known because that would have been her first instinct. Her first instinct could not have been let's go to an expensive salon and get a full color correction situation. So she must have gotten advice from someone being like, yeah, the only way we're fixing this is the hard way.

But it definitely made scrubbing my kids temporary tattoos off their arms seem a little less

impactful. And cheaper. They're not gonna have to hear about this for the rest of their lives. Yes, definitely cheaper.

Shanna

Oh, so you were ready for school, your kids were ready for school, you saved the day, you know, your mom saved the day, you saved the day. I think this is all just like a big, nice mom win all around.

Laura

I agree. Yeah. And you know, fair enough of my mom to hold it over my head, because I was old enough to probably know better. You know what I mean?

Shanna

Well, if it says washable or temporary on it, who are you to know? I don't know. I don't think that's 100% your fault.

Laura

I do feel like I can't be the only person who is victimized by manic panics temporarily. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was a lot. But I do miss dyeing my hair those bright colors. I really loved it. Like, I don't know. It didn't really fit my goody two shoes rule follower persona. But I just loved having that bright hair color. I don't know. It's just so fun. Super fun. Yeah, it was really fun. Yeah.

Shanna

Well, next time you go back for your red color, I think you should switch it up, Laura, and maybe do a little red, white and blue.

Laura

Oh, well, I already pay a lot of money for my hair. So I guess I, you know, might as well do something interesting with it.

Shanna

Yeah. All right. So based on your experience being a hair dyer, do you think you'll let your kids do that kind of like wild, bright hair color if they want to do that one at any point?

Laura

I think I can't be a hypocrite and tell them not to. I do think that they need to be a little older. I don't know. Maybe not. I just feel like I need them to know that it's not like going to come out the next day. You know, like I need them to understand because the age they are right now, they don't have that forward planning to be able to understand that like this is a little bit of a longer term commitment. You know, like it's not a forever commitment, but you can't wake up two days later and be like, okay, I'm done with this. And you're like, well, but yeah, I think when they're older, if that's what they want to do more power, like as long as it doesn't get in the way of like them going to school, like I don't think schools now even have rules like that. Maybe some do, but I don't think anyone cares anymore.

Shanna

Yeah, no. At my girl's school in Cece's class this year, there's a little boy with bright blue hair. Like the teacher sent pictures of the first day and all the kids are like, yeah, smiling and everything. And there's just one kid with absolutely electric blue hair. So seems like

Laura

it's more acceptable. Yeah. I mean, to be fair, though, my kids don't let me shampoo their head normally most of the time. Like we're up to like, I think, once a week shampoo at this point. Yeah. So I just don't foresee them having the patience to let me dye their hair anytime soon. Yeah. But you know, times change. We'll see what happens. I do love a bright hair color. I like I'm always I'm so jealous of the women who have like, the unicorn hair or what are the prismatic hair? Oh, I want that so bad. I don't know what prismatic hair is. I like the sound. Okay, no, you got to see prismatic hair. Oh, my gosh. Okay, I just sent you an Instagram reel that has like 1.7 million

Shanna

views of a prismatic hair. All right, let's see. Oh, that is so pretty. It looks rainbowy while it's being dyed. And now it's dry. And it's like iridescent. Not only is it rainbow, it's iridescent.

Laura

How do they do that? That's so pretty. It's so pretty. And I would do it except for I know how much upkeep it must take. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that would be a lot. But it's so pretty and so fun.

Shanna

Okay, I sent you another one. That's so pretty. All right, let's see. Okay, very rainbow bright. Okay, talk about a long time at the salon. That must take ages. Seriously, but it's so pretty. I love it so much. That would be so fun. It reminds me of for a while I was getting like a like rainbow colors in like the middle layer of my hair. Yeah, and I like that because I don't know if I could like rock a whole entire head of bright color. But I loved having just like a bit of it there. And it faded always faded so fast that I was like, I don't know if I should even bother keeping this up. But this is making me want to go do that again. It's so cool. I know. It's so, so pretty. So if my boys want

Laura

prismatic hair, you know, I'll be like first in line to be like, yes, let's do it. I want to see it.

Shanna

Yeah, absolutely.

Laura

But for now, I just keep in this red hair and I got the tattoos off of them eventually and they went to school. And yeah, that is my throwback, my back to school throwback. All right. Shall we move on to our BFPs and BFNs? I think we should. We are back and we close every episode with a Big Fat Positive or a big fat negative from the week. Shanna, you are up first because I just did a lot of talking. It's your turn to talk. Do you have a BFP or a BFN?

Shanna

I have a BFP. Yay. As you know, this weekend was hot. So hot here. So hot. So hot. It was like 103 on Sunday. And I started Sunday morning with a bonus BFP, which is that I did a Zoom catch up with my friend Melissa, who lives in Austin. We got on Zoom and chatted for a couple hours and it was so nice to catch up with her. But when I got out of the Zoom, I realized that the girls had been on the TV all morning. Like the entire time I was Zooming, they were watching TV, playing games. And I'm just like, oh my gosh, enough screen time. Just stop. Let's go swim in

the pool out back. And in my own mind, I'm like, oh God, it's 103. Like if they go out there and swim, they're going to get nice and cool. But I'm going to be out there too, because, you know, I want to be with them and like supervise and all that stuff. I'm like, what am I setting myself up for? But it's like the pool, the little, you know, above ground in-text pool that I set up back there. It's great on hot days because the water warms up enough to like really feel comfortable. And so they're like, okay. So we go out there and they dove in. They were having so much fun. And I did everything I could to cool myself down. I turned on our misters. You know, we had installed misters. I brought out a box fan, like pointed on myself. I had cooling towels, ice packs. I brought out like a big bowl of ice water for Radley so he could cool down. A spritz bottle. I mean, everything.

I brought out the umbrella and set it out over the pool. And once I did that, it just, it was all perfect. It was all perfect. Like everything I had done and all the work I put into our backyard over the years to like make it a more pleasant place to hang out just came together perfectly for my Phoenix soul. I grew up in the hottest of hot weather, you know, at the pool all summer. And I just crave that lifestyle so bad, right? Like I just want backyard pool party vibe all the time. That's how I want to live. And I feel like I captured it that day because we spent, I'm telling you like five to six hours out there on that patio playing in the pool. I found out snacks, watermelon chips. I even took a dip at one point in the pool. And I don't know, it's just the best. And when I'm like expressing how much I love it to Steve, he's like, man, we really got to get a real pool one day.

I'm like, I know, I know. But for now, for now, I've recreated something that makes me really happy. The girls had a blast and it was a great way to spend a hot day.

Laura

Oh, that's so great. I love that you figured out how to make it super comfortable. We have a similar but different problem in our backyard, which is we have these trees, these ficus trees that drop little berries all over our patio. And we also don't mow the lawn and we also have like mosquito problem back there. And so like, I always want to go outside and play with the boys. But I'm like, oh, I want to get bit mosquitoes. And then I have to like clean off the porch. And you know, like I can't sit down on the chairs out there because they're covered in crap. And like, you know, I'm just like, well, I guess I'll stay inside. So I need to do I need to pull a Shanna and make it more comfortable out there.

Shanna

Yeah, you should. The mosquitoes are a problem here, too. I've like troubleshooted, troubleshot that we've got a zapper, I've got a thermosel. Like, I mean, I've tried to troubleshoot all these problems, because we also have two huge ficus trees that drop berries. I'm like, we need gardeners. I don't know, I'm just so determined to make the outside a place that we want to hang out. And I encourage you to do the same because it is it's so nice. We live in Southern California. It's nice to enjoy the weather. Well, maybe not when it's 103. Yeah, in general. Oh, that's so great. Well, you really

Laura

have done a great job out there. It's also very cute. Like it's very aesthetically pleasing out there.

Shanna

Thank you. I try. I try. Well, if you ever want to brainstorm any backyard makeover ideas, you just let me know.

Laura

Oh, I know you would be like the first person I call.

Shanna

Awesome. All right. So that was mine. What about you? Do you have a BFP or BFN?

Laura

I have a BFP. All right. My BFP is that I took myself on a solo date Friday morning to Universal Studios.

Shanna

Okay. When you said I took myself on a solo date, there were a lot of options running through my mind. I was thinking spa, a nice restaurant, a museum. Universal didn't come to mind.

Laura

So, you know that we just got passes, right? My mom got us all Universal Studios annual passes, and we got to use them three times so far with the kids. And, you know, I'm sure we'll be back many times. But I got like the Universal annual pass newsletter for the first time a couple weeks ago. And I was poking through to see what was in there. And there are all these like pass holder benefits, right? Like trying to get you to come back and do things at the park, right? And I'm looking through the pass holder benefits. And one of them is that they were going to have pass holder previews for their new Fast and Furious roller coaster. Oh, that's complete now, huh? So it's been done for a while. While we were there, they were doing like technical rehearsals.

So people were riding them, but you couldn't get on them unless I don't know. I don't know what the system was, right? It's like some people could get on if you show up at the right time. And then sometimes it's closed. And they were just basically trying like working out the kinks, right?

Shanna

I don't know that I would want to be one of the people to try out the kinks or work out the kinks on a roller coaster.

Laura

I don't think it's safety kinks. I think it's like timing, training the ride operators for how to like most efficiently get people on and off the ride, getting all the staff to know like the protocols.

Shanna

Got it, got it.

Laura

Yeah. So I don't think it was a safety issue. But I also was like, yeah, I want some more people to go on before me. But it's been a while. They've done a lot of testing. I know it's safe. And I had been kind of itching to go on this ride because it looks fun. It looks so cool. It's called Fast and Furious Hollywood Drift because it's based on like the film franchise, obviously. But the actual like roller coaster is made up of like a normal roller coaster train. But the cars are like actual cars you ride in. I mean, not actual cars, but they're like designed like cars. And they drift,

which means they like turn 360 degrees like in a in a predictable pattern as you go through the roller coaster. So like sometimes you're forward, sometimes you're sideways, sometimes you're backwards. So it's a very like it's a very interesting roller coaster, right? Like looking at it, you're just like, oh, that looks pretty cool. So when I saw that they were doing pass holder previews for it, I was like, hmm, maybe I could get a chance to ride it and not have to wait in like a three hour line when it finally opens. And so I signed up, I saw there was a 9am on Friday

time slot. And I was like, perfect, I'll drop the boys off at school eight drive over by the time I park and get to the front like it'll be 9am. And I'll be able to like be the first one on the roller coaster. Yes, I love this for you. And so that is exactly what I did. After I dropped off the boys at school on Friday, I went straight to Universal.

Shanna

Oh, did they know that that's what you were doing after you dropped them off at school?

Laura

I really waffled on whether I should tell them or not. Because, you know, I could see there being jealousy, right? Like mommy gets to go to Universal Studios without me. But also, I knew they were going to figure it out. You know what I mean? Like, if there's any visual evidence of me going, they're going to find out. So I decided to be honest, chose the path of truth. And I told them and it's interesting. At first, they didn't want me to go because they were like afraid I was going to die on the roller coaster.

Shanna

Oh, that's not a reaction I thought they would have. Interesting.

Laura

Yeah, me neither. They're like, mommy, don't go. I don't want you to die. I was like, oh, honey, it's it's safe. They don't let people on the roller coaster. If it's unsafe, you know, I talked to them. And then finally, by the end of the week, they're like, I want you to go. I want you to go and tell us how it is. Like, okay, great. So they knew. And so I was able to like take videos. I took some videos of me like walking in by myself and like took some videos of like the line for the Fast and the Furious ride. I also snuck in some other rides. Of course. I went on the Mario ride because I knew like the only time I'd ever be able to walk straight on. Yeah. And then got stuck. It broke down halfway through. So I had to be escorted off that ride with the lights on. That was interesting.

Shanna

It broke while you were riding it?

Laura

Yep. Yep. Yep. Just sitting there at sitting there at 920 in the morning. Stuck in the middle of the Mario cart ride by myself. I was with like a family of three from Toronto. And it was their first time in LA. So like I ended up just spending 20 minutes telling them about all the things they should do. And then I also went on the mummy because these are the rides the boys are either like not big enough for or they don't want to go on like Augie's big enough for the mummy, but he does not want to go on the mummy. So I was like, I'm going to do the things I want to do.

Shanna

Yeah. Going to a theme park alone is kind of brilliant now that I think about it.

Laura

Well, now I want to do it all the time, Shanna, because I got like 12,000 steps in by 10. You know, like I had fun. Talk about a release. Like it was so cathartic to ride two roller coasters before 10 a.m.

Shanna

Absolutely. Oh my gosh. The screaming alone, right?

Laura

Exactly. Oh, and I screamed. Let me show you the ride photo.

Shanna

Oh, please. Yes. I love this. You're in like an orange sports car roller coaster thing with four other people who look mildly amused. And then you your windblown hair back eyes closed, big scream.

Laura

That is the best. That is the best. Yeah, it was very fun. I'm definitely the embarrassing person screaming my head off, but it was really, really intense. Like it was a very fun ride, but it was scary. There were moments where I was like, am I going to fall out of this roller coaster? Because it only has a lap bar, you may notice. Does it go upside down? Oh, yeah. Like three times. What? With only a lap bar? Yeah. I did some more research into this. Apparently the shoulder bars are just like a psychological thing for people. Like you don't actually need them. The lap bar is the thing that actually keeps you in. I don't know. I still don't get it, but this is what all the roller coaster people tell me. And I know I wasn't actually going to fall out, but it felt like it.

Shanna

Well, that's part of the thrill, right? That's part of the excitement.

Laura

Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Fun. But if you are a person who likes roller coasters, I definitely recommend this roller coaster. It was so smooth. Ooh, that's nice. It wasn't jerky at all. I don't know if it's just because it's brand new, but really unique experience. Really, really fun. Amazing views. The views of Los Angeles from it are

Shanna

like incredible. So that's nice. So you did open your eyes on the ride because based on this photo,

Laura

you didn't. I know it doesn't look like it. Well, it was also very bright. Like you can tell you're not allowed to bring anything on the ride. They make you put everything in a locker before you get on. So I couldn't even have my sunglasses. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. But yeah, that's what I did this Friday. And that was my BFP. That's so exciting. Once it cools down, I kind of want to make a habit of this, to be honest. Well, especially if you're getting in 12,000

Shanna

steps. I mean, what better form of exercise than solo theme parking? Totally agree. Totally.

Laura

But yeah, that is it for my BFP. And I think that is it for our show. I think it is. Listeners,

Shanna

thank you as always for all your support. If you haven't left us a five-star review yet, could you please head on over to Apple Podcasts? Leave us five stars. We might read your review on an upcoming episode. And don't forget, Patreon members get our episodes ad-free, get early bonus episodes, and other bonus content. So if you're not a member yet, head on over to patreon.com slash BFPPodcast to become a member today. And if you have any thoughts, comments, or feedback on this week's episode or anything else, please reach out. We love to hear

Laura

from you. Laura, where can everyone find us? You can leave us a voice memo at speakpipe.com slash BFPPodcast. You can find us on all the social medias at BFPPodcast. You can go to our website, bigfatpositivepodcast.com, or send us an email at contact at bigfatpositivepodcast.com. And finally, if you want to join a very cool group of people on the internet, just search Facebook for BFP Community. It's a private group, so you got to request to join and answer those two membership questions so we know you're not a robot. But once you do that, you'll be sent straight through to all the amazing conversations we're having in there.

Shanna

Our show is produced by Laura Birek, Shanna Micko, and Steve Yager. Thanks for listening, everyone. Have a big, fat, positive week. Bye! Bye!

School Drop-Off Meltdowns and How to Cope – Ep. 429

September 21, 2026

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Episode Transcript

School Drop-Off Meltdowns and How to Cope – Ep. 429

September 21, 2026

Listen Now:

This episode's sponsors:

Whisker Litter-Robot

Once Upon a Dance

Episode Transcript