Ep. 54: Ghosts in the Nursery?
July 15, 2019
This week, in the special segment “Internet Insanity,” Laura and Shanna discuss extreme online parenting groups and ghastly ghost sightings. Also, Laura talks about the staycation she had with her baby, and Shanna describes how her baby showed off for the pediatrician at her six-month checkup. Finally, they reveal their BFPs and BFNs for the week. Shanna’s baby is 26 weeks old, and Laura’s baby is 22 weeks old.
- When Parents Try to Do It All, They Do It Poorly Great piece in The Atlantic by our former guest, Emily Oster
- Trader Joe's Mixed Nut Butter* Almonds, Cashews, Walnuts, Brazil, Hazelnuts, & Pecans all in one jar, gets a ton of allergens out of the way quickly! *affiliate link
- Video: Baby was scratched by ghost caught on camera, parents say Okay, this is creepy AF. What do you think?
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Shanna Micko: Hi. Welcome to Big Fat Positive with Shanna and Laura. On this week’s episode, we have our weekly check-ins, we have our special segment called Internet Insanity where things get ghostly and we wrap it up with our weekly BFPs and BFNs. Let’s get to it.
Shanna Micko: Hi. Welcome to the show. It’s episode 54. Laura, what’s your check-in? We’re dying to know.
Laura Birek: Hey there. So it’s week 22 for us. Do you remember how last week I lamented about the fact that demolition was starting in our backyard this week? Well, there is a silver lining, which is demolition has started and they are literally jack-hammering 20 feet from my baby’s nursery wall and the wall is like a double door.
Shanna Micko: Oh my God, what time of the day?
Laura Birek: Starting at 7:00 a.m., which to be fair, he’s never asleep after 7:00 a.m. But he is trying the nap later and they’re jack-hammering, because they have to take the entire foundation out. But anyway, the good news is that my mom came into town and she couldn’t book the Airbnb that she usually books across the street, so she ended up splurging and getting a hotel room at the Langham in Pasadena.
Shanna Micko: Ooh. Nice.
Laura Birek: Which is this super fancy, very old school hotel and she put my name on the room too and so we basically had a staycation this week.
Shanna Micko: Oh my gosh. All week?
Laura Birek: All week. She was there all week. If you remember, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday was crazy hot, like in the 110s. So we got to go by the pool. We got to go into her air conditioned king-size bedroom and cuddle up under the sheets. My baby like took a nap while we were awake. He safely took a nap while we watched him and it was kind of awesome. At first I was a little disappointed, because I thought I would love to have time at the house. So I could like get stuff done while she watched the baby’s and there’s always stuff that needs to be done. But once I embraced the fact that we were on staycation, basically, I was so into it. It was just like every morning we just woke up and drove over to the Langham. It’s like a five minute drive. Went and sat by the pool. It was awesome. It was so luxurious. So that was exciting and it was nice, because you got to come home and sleep in your own bed.
Shanna Micko: Right. I was going to say, did you guys crash in this king bed with your mom and the baby and everything? But then you came home.
Laura Birek: No, my stepdad was there for a couple nights and then he left and then it was just my mom. We came home to sleep and he got to sleep in his crib, which he’s been doing really well. He’s only waking up once per night. So it’s just kind of been a win-win. I have to say we did high tea.
Shanna Micko: What?
Laura Birek: He didn’t have anything from the high tea, but he really actually enjoyed it. He was a really good boy. He didn’t make any noise or anything. He was just laughing. He was like sitting on the plush couch being proper.
Shanna Micko: That’s very British. Good for him.
Laura Birek: We swam at the pool. I took a whole lot of photos of him in the king size bed, because it was adorable. I think I sent you some of those, but I will definitely have them on our Instagram at BFP Podcast, because it’s ridiculous: a little five month old baby in a big plush king-size bed. But it’s really cute.
Shanna Micko: A tiny baby in a king bed is just a great visual.
Laura Birek: It really is. Anyway, demo’s going on. I had a staycation and otherwise, it’s pretty smooth sailing around here.
Shanna Micko: Good.
Laura Birek: The other thing I was going to say is that we are starting to think about doing sleep training.
Shanna Micko: Okay.
Laura Birek: Corey wants to do it right away, but I had to tell him we had to wait till my mom left town.
Shanna Micko: Oh, yeah.
Laura Birek: Because she watched the baby one or two nights depending on what counts as watching the baby, but it was around for bedtime and I know that she would not have been able to handle the pop-ins and the letting him cry for 5 and then 10, then 15 minutes. She would not.
Shanna Micko: The consistency is key for that kind of stuff.
Laura Birek: That’s what they say.
Shanna Micko: You want to have a good stretch of time that you can do it and you learn the routine and it’s not easy to have someone else learn that routine and pass it off to them and endure the crying. So I think that’s a really good decision.
Laura Birek: So next week we’re going to be embarking on that. But for now, he’s been sleeping fairly well for not having training.
Shanna Micko: Do you have a plan of which method you’re going to follow?
Laura Birek: Yeah, we’re going to go with the Taking Cara Babies method. I talked about Taking Cara Babies. That’s Taking C-A-R-A Babies, because the woman’s name is Cara. This always needs explanation. We use her method for newborns and then for months three and four. She has a course that’s for 5 to 24 months. So I just went with that. I just decided to buy that course and stick with it, because like you said, consistency is key and I think for me, I just wanted one way. You know what I mean?
Shanna Micko: Yes.
Laura Birek: I could’ve gone online and cobbled to get together a bunch of different methods. But I think for me that would’ve made me waffle, because I would’ve said, well, one site says five minutes and one site says 10 minutes. So I would probably do 10 minutes, one night and five minutes the other night and really screw up the consistency. I enjoy just having this is the road map and we’re going to get it done. Also, the nice thing about her course is that you get these videos. So she gives you a whole booklet where you can just read about it, but she also has video courses.
Shanna Micko: Nice.
Laura Birek: It’s so much easier to watch those and especially…
Shanna Micko: Is it just a video of a baby screaming for 10 minutes?
Laura Birek: Yeah, it’s fun.
Shanna Micko: Just to get you used to it.
Laura Birek: It just desensitizes you. Gosh, it’s a lot of videos. They’re about 10 to 15 minutes each, so you can really take them bit by bit and you can watch them with your partner, which is part of the reason I wanted to do it, because Corey is working and he’s helping me take care of the baby and I think it was a lot to ask him to finish basically a book and then retain it. So videos are a lot easier. We had just watched it over a couple nights this week and we’re ready to go I think.
Shanna Micko: All right. May the Force be with you.
Laura Birek: Thank you. What’s going on with you this week?
Shanna Micko: My baby is 26 weeks old and she just had her six month checkup at the doctor. So that’s our big thing. She’s a whopping six months old now.
Laura Birek: Oh, baby girl. She’s growing big.
Shanna Micko: I know. She really showed off at this appointment.
Laura Birek: What’d she do?
Shanna Micko: She knew it was her time to shine. She did her little planks for the doctor.
Laura Birek: Nice.
Shanna Micko: He was like, “Whoa, I’ve never seen a baby that young do that,” and I was like, “What? Elle did that.” He’s like, “I never saw her do that. Really?” I was like, “Yeah, she’s really strong. Her gross motor skills are fantastic. You watched her sit up and hold herself in a sitting position for a while. Rolling over and everything.”
Laura Birek: Awesome.
Shanna Micko: So he was really impressed with that. He was really impressed. He touched something out of the corner of her eye and she immediately was like, zing, what’s that? Looked over and checked it out. So she was noticing everything going on around her. I was a very proud mom.
Laura Birek: Here’s a question. Did they have her sitting on top of the exam table and rolling and stuff or was she on the ground?
Shanna Micko: No, she was on the exam table and it’s up against a wall. So there’s a wall and she’s just doing her own thing. He’s not encouraging anything.
Laura Birek: So she really was showing off.
Shanna Micko: Yes, for all he could care, she could just lay on her back and he checks her butt and her tummy and whatever he does. But I mentioned last week, she does not like to lay still or sit still for anything. I can’t change her diaper or her clothes without her going all over the place. So of course, she’s just rolls over, boom! Bumps up to her plank, because it’s just like straight body tight abs like, boom! Look at me, doctor. He noticed. He was very impressed. Some other fun little details. She weighs 16 pounds now.
Laura Birek: Aww.
Shanna Micko: She’s 25 and a half inches and she’s in the 50th percentile. So I feel good about that.
Laura Birek: That’s good.
Shanna Micko: Yeah, because in the beginning it was a rough start for us.
Laura Birek: That’s right.
Shanna Micko: If you remember, we had some troubles breastfeeding and she didn’t gain weight for several weeks and I was very stressed out about it and she was kind of going down in the percentile. She’s caught up and she’s doing awesome. So that’s good. Then some little things he was telling me about what we can do now that she’s six months. He’s like now she can go into pools and I was like, I didn’t know. She couldn’t until this point.
Laura Birek: I brought my baby into pools. Did he say why?
Shanna Micko: No, I didn’t question. I was like, oh, I definitely brought Elle into a pool when she was I think like three and a half months old. It didn’t even cross my mind that that was a thing. But he’s like, she can go on pools and use sunscreen now and get her some sunglasses. So we had our first pool outing. I hadn’t had the opportunity to bring her into a pool until this point and like you said, it was really hot last week.
Laura Birek: It was really hot.
Shanna Micko: Really, really hot. So we went to this pool called Hansen Dam. Do you know about this pool?
Laura Birek: No, not at all.
Shanna Micko: It’s part of the LA Public Parsons Rec System and it’s kind of in between me and you. It’s up in the Sylmar area.
Laura Birek: Okay.
Shanna Micko: Anyway, it’s a public pool and it’s surrounded by sand and it’s got a big slide and it’s kind of cool, like a little bit of beach vibe with the sand and the pool you can walk in as if you’re walking into the ocean. So it’s great for kids and babies and it’s pretty shallow.
Laura Birek: That’s awesome.
Shanna Micko: So if you live in LA, check out Hansen Dam. She was really cute in her little frilly pink bathing suit and her sunglasses, which of course she does not keep on her face for one second and I tried. All in all things are going well for us too. It’s just like a nice check-in. She’s been really happy and just giggly and very happy lately. So I’m feeling good.
Laura Birek: That’s awesome. Sounds like you guys are smooth sailing.
Shanna Micko: Smooth sailing: that’s the theme of this week in the heat. Yes, exactly. So should we move on to our special segment?
Laura Birek: Let’s do it.
Laura Birek: We are back. Our special segment this week is Internet Insanity where we talk about the crazy things we’ve found on the internet that are related to pregnancy and parenting. Shanna, what have you found on the internet lately that is crazy?
Shanna Micko: I found a great video/article that is titled: baby was scratched by ghost. Caught on camera. I just love this on so many levels. So this was back in March and the ghost was caught on the baby’s monitor and they have a video of it and you see a pack and play.
Laura Birek: Okay.
Shanna Micko: You do. You see kind of like a shady ghostly figure pass by the camera and then the baby pops up, like stands up as if watching the ghost wharf by and that enough is creepy and crazy. But then the parents say that the ghost injured the baby by scratching its face.
Laura Birek: What?
Shanna Micko: Yeah, the baby got scratches on its face.
Laura Birek: There are pictures of the scratches?
Shanna Micko: It looks like the baby’s face got scratched by an animal or something.
Laura Birek: Really? Not like little baby fingernails that haven’t been trimmed lately.
Shanna Micko: That is so very likely. That really is. It could be. I’m all about debunking this stuff, but I’m also all about kind of believing it, because it’s kind of fun and crazy. Do we live in a world where ghosts can pass by baby monitors and can catch that stuff? I don’t know.
Laura Birek: I’m a fan of ghost movies: Poltergeist and the Shining. The Shining is a ghost movie. There’s lots of ghosts in that movie, right? Yeah, of course.
Shanna Micko: Red Rum.
Laura Birek: Exactly. But I have to say that my joy at the idea of ghost kind of stops when I think about one being in my baby’s nursery when I’m not around. I feel like ghosts need to have boundaries.
Shanna Micko: They do, but they just always seem to want to be up in everyone’s business.
Laura Birek: Right?
Shanna Micko: Yes, this mom in one of my Facebook groups posted something recently where she caught a very human looking ghostly figure. It’s like stay away. Anyway, one other aspect of this. They had a paranormal team come in and assess the situation and assess the video and they said that what it was is a person had died by suicide in this room by jumping out the window.
Laura Birek: Great. Cool.
Shanna Micko: Then they cut to a picture of the exterior of the house and the room is on the first floor, the window’s like three feet off the ground. I was like, what is going on?
Laura Birek: Oh, well, I’m a ghost now, because you just killed me with that story.
Shanna Micko: Maybe Corey will pick you up on the video monitor.
Laura Birek: Oh my God. Wow.
Shanna Micko: So I’m a little freaked out to watch my baby’s monitor. I’ve never seen anything weird and I’ve been using baby monitors for three and a half years now. Have you ever seen anything weird?
Laura Birek: I have to say that like if a moat of dust, by the way, I’m just happy that I got to use the term moat of dust, floats sort of at just the right distance from your camera, it can look pretty ghostly.
Shanna Micko: It’s a great phrase.
Laura Birek: I haven’t seen anything creepy on my baby monitor. I’m very happy about that. I have to say this will probably come as a surprise to most listeners because as you know, I’m very evidence-oriented and pro-science. But I have an open mind about the ghost stuff. I actually have had some weird experiences in my life that are completely unexplained and I literally can’t explain them. I don’t know if it’s, because there was someone who died in the house that I grew up in and they were haunting it or if there’s some glitch in the space, time continuum, or if there’re just like weird electrical pulses or what. But there was stuff going on in the house I grew up in that I can’t explain.
Shanna Micko: That gives me shivers. That sounds like a story for now or another day.
Laura Birek: There’s a lot of stories. I’ll tell you the one that’s the most impossible for me to explain, because I was wide awake and I was older. For Fresno house, it was this house that had actually been built on a separate location and then cut in half and moved to another location in Fresno. I don’t really know why and the lore of it was that when my parents bought it, a woman drove by, packed her car up, rolled down her window and said, “You just bought this house, didn’t you?” My mom was like, “Yeah.” She was like, “I’m a psychic. Your house is glowing. You’ll be happy as long as you live in that house.”
Shanna Micko: That’s good.
Laura Birek: It wasn’t also completely true, because my parents were very unhappy and uncomfortable eventually, but that was the lore. So maybe I was primed, but there were all these things and people would see things and see people where there weren’t people and that’s like a whole long story. But the one that I really, really, really have no idea why this happened was I went into the bathroom that was under the stairs, which already is kind of creepy in this house and I was 13. This was right before my dad actually sold the house after my parents had gotten a divorce. I went into the bathroom and I noticed there was a toothbrush in one of those built-in toothbrush holders in the wall and I was like, that’s weird. I had never seen a toothbrush. For whatever reason, I went over to try to pick it up and look at it, trying to figure out whose toothbrush it was and it was stuck in the holder, like completely stuck. It was like a ceramic holder that was screwed into the wall and I couldn’t get it out. So I was like, okay. Weird. Whatever. Fine. So I go and I sit on the toilet and just as I start to pee, the toothbrush flies out of the holder, hits the wall and falls to the ground.
Shanna Micko: What? Oh my God, I just got chills.
Laura Birek: I literally said out loud, “I get it. I’ll leave.” I like flushed and left.
Shanna Micko: I love your pragmatic response to this ghost’s antics.
Laura Birek: Well, I’m just like, what am I supposed to do? I was looking at it like, what the fuck just happened? The closest thing that I’ve come up to trying to explain it away is that the rubber on the handle of the toothbrush was building up pressure and my messing with it was about to release it. But it flew five feet.
Shanna Micko: How far? Five feet?
Laura Birek: Yeah.
Shanna Micko: What?
Laura Birek: Launched with power against the wall. It was weird as hell. So anyway that’s…
Shanna Micko: It was a toothbrush you’d never seen before?
Laura Birek: To be fair, when I was 13, I wasn’t exactly paying attention to all the toothbrushes in the house.
Shanna Micko: Okay. True.
Laura Birek: But it was also a bathroom that people didn’t really use, except for it was sort of what would they call it on HGTV? The powder room.
Shanna Micko: A brushing bath?
Laura Birek: Yeah, there was a shower. It was like a three quarters, but it was on the ground floor away from all the bedrooms. So I didn’t know who the hell was brushing their teeth in there. It was probably my dad. I don’t think the toothbrush was a ghost. I just want to make that clear. The toothbrush was material in this world, but it flew and I witnessed it and I wasn’t on drugs and I was old enough to know better. I wasn’t like half asleep. So I don’t know. I have lots more stories that we can talk about separately, but the point is that skeptical science Laura thinks that it’s maybe a thing and I have all these science-based theories of like what “ghosts” might actually be. I actually don’t necessarily think they’re like the dead people who are coming back because they had a bad life and they want to haunt us. I’m like, is it a fold in the space, time continuum where we’re seeing other dimensions. I have lots of other theories, which I don’t think that this is a ghost theory podcast. So maybe I’ll stop.
Shanna Micko: It’s not, but it really is so fascinating and I will say I’ve never seen anything weird on my baby monitor. But I have always had a weird feeling about my baby’s nursery. When we first moved in, it was a storage area and it smelled bad in there and I always hated going in there. I got a really bad vibe and she cries when I even start walking toward her room.
Laura Birek: Really?
Shanna Micko: I know she’s a fussy baby, but sometimes I’m like, why are you so resistant into going to your room? I’ll just start walking down the hallway and she like is like, no, and get so upset. Even if it’s not nap time, not anything, she hates it. So I kind of want a paranormal team to come in and assess my situation.
Laura Birek: But would it make you feel better if they’re like, yeah, your hunch is right. Definitely a ghost in your baby’s room.
Shanna Micko: Who died by jumping out of your one story window.
Laura Birek: Who died by falling two feet.
Shanna Micko: It might just give me some impetus to move. Who knows? I’m just a curious person.
Laura Birek: You want an excuse to move, so you can have a master bathroom.
Shanna Micko: Yes, you figured me out. God, it all comes down to that. Oh my goodness. Anyway, so that’s my insanity.
Laura Birek: Amazing.
Shanna Micko: What is yours? I’m dying to know.
Laura Birek: Ooh, okay. There’s no ghosts in this one. My internet insanity is a little bit of a gripe water. It’s a different segment we do, but this is just driving me bonkers online and I just have to share. I use Facebook probably more than I should. I spend probably too much time on Facebook, but when you’re nursing, sometimes it’s just boring as shit when you’re nursing. I know Janet Lansbury says we’re supposed to be making eye contact and savoring every moment, but sometimes you’re just exhausted. I don’t know about your baby, but my baby massages my boobs. He’s moving them around and I’m just like, I want to look at something else. So I’m on Facebook and I’ve joined all these closed groups, partially is research for the podcast, partially is research for me. It becomes this thing where you’re in one group and then someone adds you to another group. These are all mommy groups just to be clear and then they’ll recommend another group in a comment, so you’re like, okay, I’m going to join that group. I’m in a lot of mommy groups. I’m in some that I find really helpful. Like one for alumni from my college, it’s a small group, which is nice. I think that’s key for a Facebook group. Really helpful. I’m one for people who use Owlets, the monitor that I use to monitor his heart rate and oxygen and that’s been helpful to figure out sizing issues and glitches and stuff like that. But there are two groups I’m in and they are polar opposites and they are both driving me up the wall. I need to talk about it. By the way, I’m keeping these groups fairly anonymous, because they’re closed groups and part of the deal is you don’t talk about what goes on in the group. So everything is going to be generalized. I’m not bringing any rules and I’m not going to name the exact groups, but I’ll say that one group is supporting bed sharing. They think that it’s normal for babies to bed share and all this back to sleep and sleeping in your own crib is actually against what’s normal for babies historically, evolutionarily, whatever. So that’s one group. The other group is a SIDS prevention group and they are vigilant about making sure that sleep is as safe as possible and that you follow the AAP guidelines and anything that you post has to be backed up by scientific evidence. Okay. Either group, could it be fine? I think that people can be very judgy about choices with parenting and so I think it’s nice to have sort of a safe space to talk about. If you are bed sharing, which a lot of people do, there’s not a lot of places to talk about it, because it’s very kind of looked down upon, I think.
Shanna Micko: It’s a touchy subject.
Laura Birek: So I think that a lot of women in that group have really found sort of a tribe where they can talk to people about what they value with their babies. This other group is similar. They feel very strongly about making sure that babies are safe and they believe in the ABCs: alone on their back in their crib of sleep and how that helps prevent SIDS. The problem is in execution and they both have bullies as admins.
Shanna Micko: Oh, as admins? That’s the root of the problem.
Laura Birek: So the SIDS prevention group has these really strict rules and I get it. If you have a Facebook group that you’re running, you can do whatever you want with that group, but it’s really extreme in that group. So the admins will delete comments if they don’t have any basis in evidence supposedly right. So I ended up getting a comment deleted and then muted, because I recommended someone to look at Taking Cara Babies, because they were asking about sleep training and instead of it being deleted and saying we don’t support Taking Cara Babies. The comment I got was like, “This is deleted, because Taking Cara Babies is garbage.”
Shanna Micko: What?
Laura Birek: I searched for Taking Cara Babies and found why they think she’s “garbage” because she will talk about using DockATot or she talks about using the SNOO. That’s the next thing. They think the SNOO is garbage and I’m using garbage, because that’s the word they use because they think it’s a sleep positioner. So they lump it in with the same DockATot and everything and so they delete any mention of a SNOO, any mention of an Owlet, any mention of Taking Cara Babies and then they’ll block people and then they’ll start bullying them. They’ll block them and then start making fun of them in threads and these are sleep deprived moms.
Shanna Micko: Yeah.
Laura Birek: There was one woman who was concerned about her pumping output and she wanted to know if it was normal and know what she could do to increase it and I wanted to comment and post this video that Stanford had done about how to do hands on pumping, which I found really useful. But I couldn’t because the mods had shut down comments, because they thought she was getting too many similar comments and they didn’t think it was helpful. So anyway, I’ve seen multiple women be bullied off this group. Meanwhile, over in the bed sharing group, there are all these moms who are being told that the exact opposite is true. There was this one mom who was saying that she was at the end of her rope with her nine-month-old that she would rock the baby and the baby would just cry and cry and cry. She was starting to think that the baby needed his own space and she was considering moving the baby into his own crib and maybe doing a sleep training and there were legitimately 350 comments of people basically telling her she was an awful person who was destroying her baby. That baby should not cry. That that baby should not be out of the room. They literally think that babies should be in your bed basically forever. But that babies should not be in their own room for 24 months.
Shanna Micko: Wow. Where are they getting this information?
Laura Birek: This is the problem. This is really the crux of my internet insanity, which is that there’s all these little fiefdoms where people sort of get their information from sources that they trust and believe in, but don’t consider anything outside of their realm as valid. For instance, I searched for Emily Oster’s name in this SIDS prevention group and they called her garbage because in Expecting Better, she said that she couldn’t find solid evidence that having the occasional drink caused fetal alcohol syndrome. She knows what she’s doing in analyzing the evidence, but there’s these moderators who think they know better and they won’t let anyone mention her. They won’t let anyone post anything about her and it creates this weird sort of like tunnel vision and then over in the bed sharing group, it’s the same thing. You’re not allowed to talk about cry it out methods or sleep training. There were constantly moms who were like, they have 18 months old, 20 month olds and they’re asking like, “Is it okay if I am considering moving the baby out of my bed? I’m having trouble sleeping or I really want to reconnect with my husband, when can I move the baby? When is the baby biologically safe to be in their own room?” The comments are like, “Get a new husband or move your husband out of the room.” Stuff that’s really unhelpful.
Shanna Micko: It’s sad that there are people who are looking to these moderators and the commenters for help and is it authority. This sounds like bad information and the shaming that goes along with it.
Laura Birek: So much mom shaming. The thing that’s really interesting to me is that I’m in both these groups that couldn’t be more opposite and it’s the same behavior. It’s like you see the same thing just with a different perspective. Bullying is bullying and there’s these moms who are completely at the end of their rope. You know how it is when you’re sleep deprived with a newborn? If someone tells you something, you can barely process it. So like if you hear from someone you’re killing your baby if you put the baby in the SNOO or you hear you’re long-term hurting your baby emotionally by putting your baby in a crib, you’re liable to believe them, because you don’t know what to do. You’re so stuck.
Shanna Micko: You’re feeling desperate and I will say I saw some of that with my first. I had joined a breastfeeding group, a huge one on Facebook: 60,000 members or something. Then I also ended up joining couple formula ones, I think. So I was kind of doing both and you kind of see that there two. It’s like there are people with their strong opinions on both sides and people I think want to feel righteous and feel like they’re right in what they believe in. Unfortunately, bullying is a good way to make people feel good about themselves. It really sucks for everyone else who’s just looking for help.
Laura Birek: Just in thinking about this and this has actually been keeping me up at night, because I feel so bad for these moms who are getting this bad advice basically or maybe it’s even fine advice, but the way it’s being delivered is so hurtful. I found this article by Emily Oster about how we need to give moms the information of why these recommendations are made so that we can make informed decisions about calculating risks. She talks about it in Cribsheet. She talked in our show about bed sharing. Yeah, it’s not the most safe, but it might be safer than falling asleep on the couch with your baby, because you’re so sleep deprived. It might be safer than developing postpartum psychosis, because you have had zero sleep.
There’s people in this SIDS prevention group that say, “I put my baby in the bassinet, they scream for three hours. There’s literally nothing I can do. I need sleep. What the hell can I do?” They just say, “Well, can you get someone else to watch the baby?” They don’t give real practical help and the same thing with, “I have a 20-month old who doesn’t let me sleep and who’s still nursing six times a night. What can I do?” Instead of being like, maybe it’s time to start looking into a gentle cry it out or some kind of sleep training or night weaning, they say, “Children shouldn’t be night weaned until they’re 24 months old and all this stuff.”
Shanna Micko: There’s a lot of group think that goes on in these types of groups and a lot of the moms groups I’ve been in get that way. Honestly, I don’t participate a lot in Facebook groups. I’m in several and I will look at them and glean advice and do searches and stuff. But sometimes I just feel ooky. Like there’s so many people bouncing in immediately to chime in just echoing the same thing. I don’t think that’s very healthy. I like variety and people need to take into consideration their own life and their own child. These don’t sound helpful at all and Laura, I think you need to ditch these groups, girl.
Laura Birek: Now I’m kind of hate following the groups. It’s a mad, mad, mad, mad world, Shanna, out there on the wild internet, but I am glad I have you to talk to as a trusted resource and all our listeners, we’ve gotten nothing but great advice from our listeners.
Shanna Micko: Yes, so thank you.
Laura Birek: So thank you. Thank you listeners for being our sanity in this world of internet insanity.
Shanna Micko: Indeed.
Laura Birek: Do you want to take a break and then get to our BFPs and our BFNs?
Shanna Micko: I do.
Shanna Micko: All right. Let’s wrap things up with our weekly BFPs and BFNs. Laura, what do you have for us this week?
Laura Birek: I have a BFP.
Shanna Micko: Cool.
Laura Birek: Which is something that was recommended to me by someone in my Mommy and Me group. So as you know, we started solid foods and one of the reasons we started solid foods was because I wanted to get allergens introduced early. Nowadays, the whole thing is get that peanut, get that egg, get that wheat into your baby system early between four and six months to try to make sure you avoid allergies as much as possible, right? Now that’s what they’re saying. Five years ago it was like, wait three years to get peanuts. It’s not just peanuts, but it’s nuts.
So I was like, how the hell am I going to expose my baby to 5 million different types of nuts for their six months of age? Someone in my Mommy and Me group said their doctor recommended this, which is Trader Joe’s Mixed Nut Butter. Do you know about this?
Shanna Micko: No.
Laura Birek: Trader Joe’s has this little jar and in it is almonds, cashews, walnuts, Brazil nuts, hazelnuts and pecans all blended together.
Shanna Micko: That sounds yummy.
Laura Birek: It’s delicious and it gets 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 allergens out of the way in one little scoop. So I got that and I’ve actually mixed a little bit into his wheat cereal or I guess it’s his whole grain mixed grain cereal.
Shanna Micko: Yes.
Laura Birek: Not just wheat for baby. So you got your wheat, you got all those nuts and you just mix a little bit in, because they don’t need a lot for the allergens. It’s just a few grams and it’s tasty. I like it.
Shanna Micko: Yum. I want to try it. I’m going to go get it.
Laura Birek: So if you have a Trader Joe’s near you, get that Mixed Nut Butter. That’s my BFP. Short and sweet.
Shanna Micko: Awesome. I love it.
Laura Birek: What do you have for us: a BFP or a BFN?
Shanna Micko: I have a BFP also.
Laura Birek: Yay.
Shanna Micko: This is one of those weird things that I never knew I needed. Actually, didn’t even know existed until I had CeCe and I saw it on my friend’s baby’s car seat, that is. It’s these little car seat harness magnets that you clip on to the sides of the car seat and then they’re magnets and so you can connect the clips up so that the whole harnesses open up and you set the baby inside and you don’t have to dig under her body, because you’ve set her on top of all of the harnesses, the clips and everything like that.
Laura Birek: So it keeps the straps out of the way.
Shanna Micko: Keeps the straps out of the way. So you have a nice, clear bucket seat. Set the baby in, take it off the magnet, clip her in and she’s good to go, because I was like, I spent a whole lifetime digging underneath babies. They’re so squirmy already and I try to get them out of the way before I put her in, but inevitably they end up under her butt and her back and I have to dig under and she’s like, neh, and so this is really cool. Those are like $8 on Amazon, you clip them in and boom, you have a nice open seat to put your baby.
Laura Birek: That’s awesome. Sticker her in that bucket seat.
Shanna Micko: Yeah, that’s it. Mine is short and sweet too.
Laura Birek: Look, we’re to the point with our BFPs.
Shanna Micko: Maybe that’s what we should call our podcast: to the point.
Laura Birek: To the point? Just change it.
Shanna Micko: I think there is a podcast called that or at least an NPR show.
Laura Birek: Most likely. Let’s not change our podcast name quite yet. So we’ll do a little research.
Shanna Micko: Okay.
Laura Birek: But in the meantime, we love our listeners. We are so grateful for you tuning in every week. If you love our show, we would be really grateful if you told a friend about it and if you left us a rating and a review on iTunes or whatever podcast platform you listen to. You can also find us on all the social medias at BFP Podcast. That’s Instagram, Twitter, Facebook at BFP Podcast. We have a Facebook community group also. Just search for Big Fat Positive community and we have a website, bigfatpositivepodcast.com
Shanna Micko: Big Fat Positive is produced by Shanna Micko, Laura Birek and Steve Yager. Thanks for listening, everyone. See you next week.
Laura Birek: Thanks. Bye.
Shanna Micko: Bye.