Getting Kids to Do Chores (Without Losing It) – Ep. 404

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Laura

Welcome to Big Fat Positive with Shanna and Laura. This week, we have our weekly check-ins. We have our special segment. They said, what? Where people are getting aggressively scary and aggressively sentimental, and we close with our BFPs and BFNs for the week. Let's get started. Hello, everyone. Welcome to episode 404. No, it's not your 404 page not found. It is 404. Shanna, do you have a check-in for us?

Shanna

This page is not broken. I do have a check-in for you. Yay. Although maybe it is appropriate for what I'm going to check in about because I do feel like some things are broken in our house. All right. Tell us all about it. We've just been back in the rut of struggling with behavior, doing the things that need to be done. And I'm talking about my kids, guys. I'm not talking about my husband, okay? Or Radley. Or Radley. Well, Radley, yeah. He's always in that ballgame. Some examples, as usual, having to just walk these kids through the tasks of the morning, getting ready in the morning, bed at night. They don't want to do those things. They want to read. They want to play. They want to, who even knows? And then the bickering at each other. that getting on each other's nerves. It's just a lot and I'm a little bit frazzled.

So what I have done to try to fix the problem is I have reinvigorated our cat buck system. Do you remember this?

Laura

What was that? Oh, cat bucks? Is that what it was? You know what? I heard you right, but because it took a little bit of time for my brain to go through the file folders, you know, flipping through, I was like, I must not have heard that right. Cat, what are cat bugs? Oh, yes, the cat bugs. I am now, I have retrieved that file in the deep dark recesses of my memory from probably like just a couple of months ago, but that might as well be a lifetime ago at this point. Catbugs are making a comeback in 2026 is what you're saying.

Shanna

Yeah. So last year I set up kind of a reward system where if they do a few things that they need to do, easily without arguing, things like homework, getting ready for bed quickly, et cetera, they could earn a little buck. And Sisi saw me putting this together. She was like, put cats on those bucks. I was like, okay, that's how they became cat bucks. And I had filled a little treasure chest with prizes that they could win, et cetera. This system was amazing. And then I just lost steam on it. You know, that's just the story of my life. I swear, I get all excited. I set up systems and things that are great. And then I kind of fizzle because other stuff pops up. Like the holidays, lots of birthday parties, winter break, et cetera. And I just had forgotten about it for a while. And things have been so just chaotic around here lately. I was like, maybe a little kitty cat incentive.

might help get these kids back on track. So I went to five below and I bought a bunch of little prizes, just little $3, $5 items. I filled up the treasure chest again and I adjusted the rules a little bit and have presented the new system to the kiddos.

Laura

Okay, so how did you adjust these rules? Like what are the expectations now?

Shanna

They're very similar. Last time when I set it up, it was like, get out the door for school on time. Get ready for bed in like five minutes, right? To the point where they were so simple that Steve was like, Sean, these are basic life things. Does it need to be this easy? And I was like, yes, these are the easy things. This time, I was like, I'm gonna step it up a bit and I'm gonna add household chores to the system.

Laura

Oh, I'm so curious because my children's lack of household chores is one of my points of like deep parental shame whenever it comes up when people are like, oh, you know, my kid like clears his plate and then does this and then has to vacuum and I'm like, oh, sure. So they don't just run off and make you do everything. Oh, OK, OK. Yeah, it's the same, same at my house. They do all the they do all the things, not so they do nothing. And I really feel like I need to be better about it. So please tell me how this is working.

Shanna

Yes. Well, I'm in the same boat as you and we haven't enforced a lot of rules because oftentimes we are just trying to get through the basics and I'm overwhelmed as well. So I do want to challenge them though and introduce this concept. What I did was every day of the week, there's one chore that they can do to earn a cat buck. Okay. That's how simple it is. I'm going to send you my little cat buck sheet with the chores written out on them. Okay. So you can see what it is that they are asked to do. So I can copy it. Okay, got it.

Laura

All right, it's coming your way. All right, here it is. Cat books, daily chores, Monday. And by the way, there's adorable little cats peeking out from the corner of the sheet and at the bottom playing air guitar. So on Monday, it's clear your breakfast and dinner dishes. Okay, so like my very first thing that I identified is something that I am embarrassed that my kids don't do. Tuesday, wipe down your side of the bathroom counter. Very fair. I might want to offer that one to Cory as well. Wednesday, pick up 10 items and put them in their place. Ooh, I like it. Thursday, feed a pet. Now, hopefully they choose two different pets. Otherwise, Coco's getting a little rounder every Thursday. Friday is vacuum or dust for five minutes. And you very generously give them the weekend off, which is... Well, maybe not.

Shanna

The weekend was already part of the system before where they can earn a buck or maybe two, I can't remember, for tidying their bedroom, which is just putting their clothes in the hamper and picking items off the floor. I'm always very specific about what it is I want them to do. You notice it's like dust for five minutes. Pick up 10 items because otherwise these kids will get way too overwhelmed and just not do anything. I know from experience.

Laura

Oh yeah, that's the reason we don't enforce any of this with especially Augie. We'll be like, it's time to clean up the playroom and he'll look at it and understandably be like this is too much to pick up. But it's hard for us, like even if we're like just pick up five things or even one thing, he'll be like, I don't know. know which one to pick up, you know? So we definitely need to work on this. I'm envisioning like a little dry erase, maybe like chart with boxes. So like he picks up one check, he picks up another check, you know, just to give him a visual because even just the idea of picking up five or 10 things is overwhelming for him. But I like this. This is great. So how has introduction and implementation gone?

Shanna

So far, so good. They were very excited to have the Cat Buck system back. Very excited, of course, to dig into the treasure chest, see the new stuff. And so far, they have done a few of the chores. They cleared their plates. They wiped the counter. I mean, that was really nice. I was like, oh, it's nice to have other people help out. around the house. Yeah, imagine what a world. Um, yeah, but you know, we're just slowly getting into it again. So we'll see how much it sticks and how I might need to adjust as we go along. But so far just having that structure there to have something to mention, to lean back on, to point out to them, I think is going to be helpful going forward. Amazing. All right. I'm looking forward to the updates. Yeah, yeah. And I will for sure be providing them. But what about you, Laura?

Laura

How are you doing? We're good. We actually had a fun event at Augie's school this week that I wanted to talk about. So Augie is now at an arts magnet. visual and performing arts magnet to be precise. And they, I guess what they do is every trimester they switch between like art, dance and theater. And I guess music gets thrown in there somewhere. I don't really understand because we're still, we got to miss the orientation at the school, right? We're kind of feeling things out. But this last chunk of time has been the theater chunk of time at his school. Yes. And as our listeners know, you and I both love theater and your kids love theater. But Augie has had a difficult relationship with performing in the past. Yeah. And, you know, I remember when he was in TK, he absolutely refused to perform in the little play they were putting on. And it was really triggering for me.

And I talked about it on the show about how he, you know, we took the time out of our day to go and then he just sat in our laps. He didn't even like sit on stage with his class stage, quote, unquote, like the center of the classroom and how much that bothered me and how I was trying to not let it bother me because I was like, he's little still, you know, it's I can't force him to do it. It's not that big of a deal. I was still like, Oh my gosh, I came all this way for him to just sit on my lap, you know, and not participate. And as a recovering goody two shoes, that was very hard for me. I was just like, the teacher is going to be mad at him.

And then in kinder he did a little better he got to say his line and i reported it on the show and i was very proud of him and stuff so this year i was hoping for an upwards trajectory and they were doing a performance of khalilu which i hadn't heard of but i guess it's a. I guess it's a Caribbean version of the stone soup story. Don't know that one either. You don't know stone soup that okay the stone soup thing is like. Some people come to a village and ask people for food and they won't share so they're like okay we're gonna make stone soup so they get a big stone and they put it in a pot of water. And then people come by and like, what are you making? And they're like, oh, it's stone soup. But you know, it would be better with some vegetables. And they're like, well, I have vegetables. So they put vegetables in and then someone else says fish.

And like everyone thinks they're just contributing so that they can like get more soup. But it turns out like, you know, everyone came together to make the soup and sharing is good and blah, blah, blah, right? OK. You know that. Yeah, it's a nice story, right? And Kalalu, I guess, is a Caribbean stew. And so that's why the Caribbean version of the story was that they're making Kalalu, right? Very cute. They were told to wear bright colors for the performance. And we were supposed to come around one o'clock to come see them perform. At first I was like, this is going to go great because in the weeks leading up to it, as we got like the notification about like when we were supposed to be there and what they're supposed to wear and all that stuff, Aki was super into it. He was like, oh, yeah, that's for our play.

And he's like, we've been practicing our play and he was super excited about it. So I was like, okay, maybe we have turned a corner on this whole action. to get anxiety thing right mm-hmm but then the morning of the show rolls around and I'm like oh we got to find some bright colors for you to wear we got to get you to school on time so you can be ready for the show blah blah blah right he was like I'm not gonna do it I don't want to do it I don't want to be in the play oh yeah and I was like come on dude Like really? We're gonna do this again? I was like, you were so excited. He was like, I'm not gonna do it. He was just getting very grumpy and like defiant about it. But I didn't have much time to really like process it with him or try to talk him into it or any of that. Cause this is literally as we're walking out the door to get to school. And of course we're late, you know?

So as we are like pulling up in the drop off line and I'm unbuckling him and he's like getting out and he's like, I'm not going to do it. I don't want to do it. So I'm like, Cool. Well, this seems familiar. Like, I am going to take that amount of my day and go see you. And are you even going to do it? Like, what is going to happen? I was so anxious about that, you know? Because I was just like, I don't know. It just really hits me in my, like, sensitive parenting spot. You know what I mean? Like, there's a lot of things that I'm very much like a duck and it just rolls off my back, you know? I'm just like, whatever. Like, I'm confident in my parenting choices, but when it comes to him participating in school or in activities we sign him up for, when he doesn't, I just get so triggered by it. I don't know. I probably need to talk to a therapist about this.

But anyway, so I was anxious all day leading up to it. And then I was getting all crabby because I wanted to be on time because I was so afraid that we were going to be late and miss it or whatever. And so I'm being crabby towards Cory. I'm like, let's go. We got to go. We're going to be late. He's a task master. But we make it there. We make it there with plenty of time. And his class was already seated when we got there to like the auditorium. And it was so nice because when we came in, he was just scanning the crowd of everyone who was coming in. And the minute he saw us, his eyes lit up and he shot his hand in the air and he's like waving. And he was just like a huge smile on his face. He was so happy. And I was like, okay, good. We're here. He's sitting with his class. He's not running up to us. He's doing what he's supposed to do. And then the play started and it was very cute.

They all kind of got up on stage and had a little bit of a line and I think he played a fisherman. Oh, cute. But he said his lines and he did his little like miming, the miming part he was super into. Oh, yeah. I can see that. Yeah, he was like miming, like putting stuff into the pot and then eating the soup at the end. So the end of the story is that he ended up doing it. It looked like he had fun. He said he had fun and I was anxious for no reason.

Shanna

Yay. Too bad he triggered you there right in the middle, but they got to keep us on our toes, right? Oh, they do. They got to keep us guessing. Yes. Well, that's great. I'm so glad that he enjoyed that. And maybe that'll just be the beginning of more successful theater experiences for him.

Laura

Yes, I hope so. And then the one friend that we had made before we went to the school that's in his class, we ended up going and getting ice cream with them after the play and she was one of the like stars of the play. She had a lot of lines and it's possible that it's because her mom is an actress.

Okay.

Laura

Yeah. You know, it runs in the family, but it was fun. And I'm so I'm thinking that maybe hanging around with this little girl who's like into it might make him more into theater as well. Yeah.

Yeah.

Laura

Yeah.

Shanna

Awesome.

Laura

Yeah. But that is it for my check-in. And I think we should move on to our special segment. What do you think? I think we should.

Shanna

We're back in this week's special segment is they said, what? Where we share the interesting, unusual, questionable things that people have said to us recently in our parenting lives. Laura, you're up first. What's your they said what?

Laura

Okay, this happened at a birthday party. I was at recently, one of Sebastian's little friends from school. I was standing around with all the adults and watching the kids have fun. They were running around like maniacs, you know? And I ended up finding myself right next to the grandma of the birthday kid. And we were just making small talk. And somehow we got onto the topic of like, what are you doing this summer? And I had just made a decision about the Italy trip that I was freaking out about last week. So this is a little bit of a loose end as well. Yeah. What was your decision? Oh, I took your advice and decided to go by myself. Yes! Which, you know, I'm pretty at peace with. I think it's going to be really fun. You know, obviously, I can see the upsides of both ways of going. But I think in the end, the real decider was the financial aspect of it.

It's just tickets are so freaking expensive. And, you know, just four times as much and probably more than four times as much for everything because then you have to add on like more, you know, bigger hotel rooms. You have to do all that stuff. So it's just, it's way more expensive for all of us to go. So I'm going solo. So this came up in conversation with this grandma and I told her you know this is gonna be my first like real trip solo and like seven and a half years at that point you know by the time it rolls around it'll be seven and a half years since I've had Augie and I'm like you know I've only been away from them cumulatively three nights you know but I'm excited about the trip blah blah blah and she turns to me and here's my they said what she said You're going to cry the whole plane right there because you've never been away from them.

Shanna

Oh, what? Wow. I feel like that says a lot about her. And I'm just, I'm so curious how you reacted to that in the moment.

Laura

I mean, I kind of just like blinked, you know? Like, oh, and I was like, yeah, I think I'll be okay. I think I said to her like, oh, you know, after seven and a half years, I think I will be able to handle it, you know? But she was so like, you know, she just was looking at me like kind of condescendingly in a way, or maybe I'm just reading it that way. But like, you know, like that she knows me better than I know. I thought, oh, you're going to cry the whole way there. Meanwhile, I'm thinking like, no, like, no, I'm going to be like having a champagne. I'm going to be like reading a book on the plane. Imagine a book on a plane.

Shanna

Yes, you are going to be living your best life. Also, does she know that a flight to Italy is like, I don't know, 12 hours? I assume she does. If you cried for 12 straight hours, oh, man, you'd show up at that wedding with the puffiest red eyes ever. I mean, maybe.

Laura

You can't do that to Danielle anyway. I couldn't do that to Danielle. I mean, maybe a tear will be shed. You know what I mean? Maybe I will be weepy saying goodbye to them, and I'm sure I'll miss them. Like, I'm not saying I'm not going to miss them, but like, this drama, if you're gonna cry the whole way there. And it wasn't, she wasn't trying to be hyperbolic, you know what I mean? She wasn't like, she was being very literal as far as I could tell. And it instantly kind of made me feel icky, you know? Cause I'm like, am I supposed to? Like cause, you know, I had gone through the whole freak out with you and talking to other friends about what I should do and really came around to this going solo thing. And it did feel like someone trying to steal that from me, you know, like, oh, well, you've made this decision, but yeah, you're going to spend 12 solid hours crying because of it.

And like, so if I don't, does that make me a bad mom?

Shanna

You know? I feel like instilling that doubt or even just this very dramatic response is in a way coming from perhaps jealousy that this person never had the opportunity or took the opportunity to do something like this. And so it's this gut reaction of like, oh, well, if they get to do that, I need to tear them down to make myself feel better or something like that. I don't know. That's the vibe I'm getting. I don't know. You were there. You can tell me if you think.

Laura

Maybe, but then she went on to describe how she regularly had to take business trips when her kids were little and how she had to go back to work really, really early after both of her pregnancies, right? After both of her births. And so part of me is like, hmm, are you projecting? Maybe, like, that you have guilt about having to have been away from your kids so much, you know? I don't know. Again, I don't know her. I don't want to, like, psychoanalyze her, but it did feel... I mean, we all do this, right? We all bring our own experiences to conversations. But it was a shocking thing just to have that dropped in my lap mid-Saturday, you know? Yeah. Yeah.

Shanna

Oh, man. Well, bring a lot of tissues on that plane, Laura, because you never know.

Laura

You never know. I did once cry the entire flight from Europe to the US, actually. It was right after our friend Nate died. I was in Northern Ireland when I found out. And it was taking a little bit of time to sink in. And so I get on this plane. And I think just the quietness of being on the plane. And I was alone. And I remember I was looking out onto

be like the icy expanse of Greenland. Greenland? Greenland? I don't know. I don't know what to say. Greenland. And it just all hit me at once. And I'm like ugly crying sobbing, right? Oh, wow. And I was sitting, I just remember this so distinctly. I was sitting next to this mom and her like two year old, I want to say, Max, two years old. And she started looking really worried.

No one was going on and finally the flight attendant came over and he's like are you okay? And I was like My friend died I just found out you know like I'm like just through tears sobbing like trying to tell him that you know I'm okay. I'm just grieving right and He's like do you need anything? I need some water And he goes, oh, honey, water's not going to solve this. He left and came back with whiskey. And he was just supplying me with those little airplane bottles of whiskey for the whole flight. It was to the east coast. So it actually wasn't that long of a flight. It was probably like four or five hours. But I'll never forget that. I'll never forget the really nice flight attendant being like, oh, honey, water's not going to fix that.

Shanna

Oh my gosh, that's great. Part of it is also probably like, this might make her fall asleep, so let's give her more of that. But yeah, that is my, they said what? Shanna, what's your they said what? This happened just yesterday, so it's fresh in my mind and in my nervous system.

I picked up the girls from school yesterday and I told them that we were going to do some grocery shopping before we went home. Sometimes I do that because I don't want to jam in family errands during my free time while they're at school. And so I'll do it after school on the way home. My kids don't like this.

Shocking.

Ah, especially Elle. Cece was actually really excited because she wanted to buy some snacks or whatever. Immediately, Elle was like, oh no. And like starts kicking the back of my seat in the car as we're driving there. I was like, stop it. You're part of this family. Sometimes we do family errands that you don't like. It's just the way it is. So she was very upset all the way to Trader Joe's. Listeners who aren't familiar with Trader Joe's, it is a chain of grocery stores that is known for having terrible parking lots, very crowded and small. So we get to Trader Joe's and it's busy hour there, tons of cars. I pull down an aisle and find a spot. I pull into the spot and hop out of the car. Cici hops out of her side and go around back to get the bags out of the trunk. And after I close the trunk, I realize that L is still sitting in the car. I'm like, oh my gosh, she's like pouting, right?

She's going to try to not go into the store with us. And so I go around and I open the door and like, hey, come on, let's get going. And she's like, no, I don't want to go. And then in a burst of impulsive frustration, she kicks the door like further open and it smacks the bumper of the car next to us. And it's a like a white Jeep SUV style vehicle. And the door just went boom right into the bumper. And I was like, oh, hell, like why did you do that? Like that was my first gut reaction, right? Like, oh, why did you do that? And then I like tempered myself. I'm like, I know why she did that. She's frustrated. She's a kid. She's emotionally dysregulated, whatever. I'm like, come on, come on, let's check. Like, so I start closing the door to check for damage. And I hear the door of this vehicle open. Oh, no. It's on the other side of me.

The driver's side door opens, and I hear this voice, what did you do? You hit my car. You were just opening doors, hitting me up, hitting my car. And I'm like, ugh. Oh boy. Yeah. So I'm looking, I'm looking at the bumper. It's not a pristine bumper. Thank God this is not like a luxury vehicle, right? This is a vehicle that's been used and there's lots of little scratches and stuff. And I honestly can't even tell which one was created or if one was created by this incident. But this guy was mad and he was coming at me. And he comes around and he sees us there and he's just like, why did you do that? Why did you do that?

And i'm like i'm so sorry i'm really sorry and i'm like looking at this bumper like maybe a little too dramatically long and slow as if to say i can't even tell if we cause damage because there's already so much damage here i'm just looking at you like why did you that i turn look down like she's a child. And that like that's all that's all I could say because at this point out is like welling up with tears. She's terrified because some grown man is coming at her and it was like truly an accident and like it sucks. Like would I rather her not do that? Of course, you know. And he's like fine fine and walked in the store. And then I had to shop with him, basically, in this tiny Trader Joe's.

Laura

Yeah, because it's like these narrow aisles. It's a small store.

Shanna

Oh, my God, awkward. God, it was so awkward. And Elle was like sobbing. She felt so bad and guilty. And, you know, anytime she has one of these like kind of impulsive moments when she's dysregulated, I know she feels terrible about herself. And I mean, it's scary.

Laura

When angry men come at you and especially so if you have a kid with you like my friend when you start saying that I'm just like oh shit like oh shit like what's gonna happen right because. Hashtag not all men we know it's not all men but there's a lot of dangerous men out there. who seem to really relish in making women and children scared. You know what I mean? And you never know if that's the person you're going to accidentally kick the door into their bumper. You know what I mean? Like, it sounds like he backed down and you set the right thing back to him. But like, but you don't know how it was going to go. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, I feel like you handled it really well. It sucks. Like, how did L recover? Like, what did you talk to her about it afterwards?

Shanna

I didn't. I mean, I was like, come here. It's like, it's, it's okay. It's okay. It was an accident. It's okay. And she just didn't even want to engage about it. She just, I think she felt really embarrassed. And when we got into the store, she kind of just like even walked away from the cart and was just kind of like looking for items that she wanted to buy and came back and was like plopping stuff in the cart in like a very sassy way. And I was trying to decide whether or not to talk to her about it because I know that some certain like shameful things Can they just don't want them to be brought up again, right? It's like I felt like the lid had been put on that situation And she felt bad. She saw the natural consequence of her action.

Yeah, she saw me handle it shut it down I told her everything was okay, you know, obviously she knows that I didn't like she did that I don't need to stand there berating her when she's already scared by this aggressive stranger and then so later that night I was like should I I don't know I don't know and I didn't because she really did recover pretty quickly. By the time we were in Trader Joe's for like 10, 15 minutes, she was like excited about like finding cookies and whatever that she wanted. So she bounced back pretty quickly and I felt like she faced the natural consequence and it kind of was okay.

Laura

Yeah, I mean, I don't want you or Elle to get yelled at, but in a way it was demonstrative too, right? Like, the truth is that in the real world, if you lose your temper and your action causes something like that to happen, that is what could happen as a result, right? Like, the person whose car you hit, maybe an angry dude who doesn't care about yelling at women and children, right? So, I mean, it's not the ideal way to learn the lesson, but it is a lesson nonetheless.

Shanna

Yeah, it is an example of the natural consequences that sometimes as a parent, they're hard to And still, you know, it's like, I don't know what natural consequence I could have provided in that moment except to be like, oh, you hit this car, like, gotta check for damage. I just didn't, it wouldn't have had the same impact. And I get it, like it is frustrating to have someone like whack your car. Like I get feeling the reaction inside. And I told that to Steve later. And he's like, yeah, but I don't know. He's like, I don't think ever in my life would I react by hopping out of the car, coming at a stranger with anger like that. And I was like, oh, yeah, maybe that's not like a cool reaction to have.

Laura

Yeah. I mean, because my reaction would be I'm trying to put myself in this situation like I'm my angriest. You know what I mean? Like I've had the worst day and then this shit happens. I'd be like, what the hell, dude? Yeah. That would be me at my peak. What the hell? Yeah. And then it would be over and then I'd walk away.

Shanna

Yeah. Yeah. I guess that's more normal. So that's why I was taken aback by this not a fun thing to have a confrontation with a stranger in front of your kids. I was pretty proud of myself for how like how much I kept my cool and did not engage this man whatsoever. It was just like it was just an autopilot thing, which is I've had moments in my life where I can also be reactive to people who are coming at me. But I don't know, mom mode, man. I think it's changing my brain.

Laura

I'm sure it is. There's evidence it does. So, you know, there's no way your brain has not been changed. Fun fact, did you know why Trader Joe's parking lots are always terrible? Have I told you this before? Have I brought up this fun fact on this podcast before?

Shanna

I don't think so. I have no idea. I would just assume they're going for cheap locations. That means fewer parking spots.

Laura

What I have heard, and I think it was from a reputable source, was that parking lots are divvied up according to the number of skews on your shelves. So like SKUs, right? Like the number of specific items you sell. And at a normal grocery store, it's like thousands and thousands, right? Like they have so many different skews on their shelves, and so there are a lot of bigger parking lots. and Trader Joe's is famously known for like selling fewer things, right? Like their their own items and lots of times they're limited runs and it's not like the grocery store you can go get every single thing at, right? Like they have their their special items and so apparently at least in California that's why their parking lots suck because they just are given smaller parking lots based on how many items are on their shelves. However,

their volume of business compared to the number of SKUs is way different than a regular grocery store. Right.

Shanna

Now you know. That's true. Now I know. Now I know. And the funny thing is that the kids hitting someone else's car is always on my mind. Every time I park, I'm always worried they're going to do that because sometimes they're just mindless, just whatever. I'm not paying attention. So I'm always careful opening your door, careful opening your door. And it finally happened.

Laura

I was like, no. This is the number one reason a minivan is the best, because it doesn't have doors that open like that, at least in the back.

Shanna

Oh my god, you're right. Oh, I need a minivan stat.

Laura

For this and for many other reasons. Yes, yes, true. But I agree that you totally handled it well. Like, I'm very impressed with you. So, gold star.

Shanna

Thank you. Thank you. I love a gold star. Okay, that's it for my first They Said What. Do you have another one for us?

Laura

Actually, I have like a whole collection of things that I just wanted to talk about. the collection of things my children said to me that I just wanted to share. They're cute or they're funny in context or they're both, so I just wanted to share. So the first one was something Sebastian said to me this week as I was heading out the door. He said to me, mommy, when I'm at school, I hope you wake a knee.

Is he thinking of break a leg? Sure is. Yeah, we kept telling Augie to break a leg at his show, and so Sebastian wanted to make sure I broke a knee, but it sounded very aggressive, literally for a second. Okay, the next few are all things that my children have said sometime in the wee hours of the morning or the middle of the night. So Corey and I, we've been having a lot of trouble with night times lately. I've talked about it a little bit on the show, but it's just an ongoing issue. Sebastian in particular has been having trouble sleeping all the way through the night. There's been a lot of Corey having to sleep in the room with them, like on the nugget next to them, and now it's like even transitioned to the both of them coming to our bed at night, like they've finally gotten over the hump of like leaving their room in the middle of the night and coming to our room.

And now that that damn has broken, they're in our room a lot. And these things are not funny at the time, but then when I wake up and remember them, it is actually really funny what they like to bring up in the middle of the night. So here's one. I was sleeping in the room and at 3 a.m. Sebastian wakes me up out of a deep sleep and says, mommy, mommy. I was like, yeah, what's wrong? What's wrong? When I was born, did you have to push me like just two pushes or more pushes?

Uh, he woke you up with that in the middle of the night? Uh-huh, yeah. Oh, he likes to wake me up with all kinds of things. He woke up Corey the other night at 5 a.m. to ask, do you miss Magnus?

Aw. Corey was like, yeah, I guess. I don't know. You know, like...

Sure kid. Oh my gosh. Yeah, another one that I guess most of these have been things he said. I'll end with one that Augie said, but he also likes to wake us up in the middle of the night to ask questions about Disneyland. This child is the best I can describe him is that he is a child Disney adult. Okay, I getcha. You've heard of Disney adults, right? These are grown-ups who really like Disneyland. Their fandom is deep. And I know kids are supposed to love Disney, but Sebastian takes it a step further. He really loves Disneyland, right? It's on his mind. And you can tell because he wakes up at 2 a.m. and will say, Mommy, you haunted mansion. Do you go on a doom buggy and wide around or do you walk? Actually, it's it's both. It's oh, yeah, it's both. OK. And like, he'll be like, mommy, am I big enough a mad horn?

You weren't last time, you know, like just like one thing after another about freaking just.

Shanna

Ah, do you think he's dreaming about this stuff and wakes up and it's on his mind or he wakes up and he's just thinking about things and this is what's on his mind?

Laura

I think he's just a 24 seven Disney kid. Like it's just on his mind at all times. Maybe he's having a dream about it. I don't know. But it's becoming a little bit of an issue. Lots of middle of the night being like, basically my line in the middle of the night is like, I don't know, go back to sleep. I don't know, go back to sleep.

But then finally, to cap off all these little things he said to me, Augie had an insight the other morning. It was 6.30 a.m., so, you know, about wake-up time. But it was Sunday, right? And I was really hoping to sleep in. And he had come into the room, probably about like 5.30, and I was trying to get him to fall back asleep so I could sleep in a little bit. And at 6.30, he looks at me and he says, Mommy, did you know that there are some people who like to sleep in the mornings? What? What?

Yeah.

Laura

I was like, yeah, raising my hand. That's me. He's like, some people like to sleep in the mornings, but I don't. And I was like, yeah, I know this has been a problem for seven years.

Shanna

Oh, my gosh. So cute. What you need to do is somehow get them to talk to each other. You know what I mean? Like they're in the same room. Maybe Augie could tell Sebastian about the people who like to sleep in the morning, instead of waking you up.

Laura

You'd think, but Sebastian's usually the one initiating the conversation. And what we've heard on the monitor is like, Sebastian, I'm trying to sleep.

Shanna

Stop talking about Disneyland.

Oh, so Sebastian's trying. It's not for a while trying. Got it, got it, got it.

Laura

Anyway, that is my final face at what? Do you have one more for us, Shanna? I do. Let's do it after the break. Okey-doke.

Okay, we are back and Shanna has one more. They said, what for us, Shanna? They said, what to you?

Shanna

All right. This is also from my child. This was when my girls were going to that field trip camp right at the end of winter break, right? They came home from camp one day and I was talking to Cece about it. I said, hey, have you made any friends at camp? And she's like, oh yeah, I made a lot of friends. I made this one friend named Grease and she's really nice. And I was like, what? And she's like, Grease. And I said, what's her name? And she said, Grease. And I was like, uh, I don't know about that. And I look at Elle and Elle kind of just like nodded and shrugged like, yeah, like her name is Grease. And I was like, okay, anything's possible. I mean, really. Yeah, my first thought was like the like like lubricant like animal fat grease like you get grease on your hands when you work on a car. Yeah, John Travolta grease lightning. Exactly.

So I was like, okay, it could definitely be that connection. My mind was diving so deep into this name choice. And I was like, I get okay, I get it. Or maybe they love the country, Greece. Oh, sure. Greece, right? I've heard of people named Ireland, so maybe Greece. Cool, cool, cool. A couple of days later, I go to drop them off at this camp and they're playing on the playground, waiting for everyone to arrive. And Cici goes, mama, there's Greece. And it's this little girl, probably about seven years old, very adorable. She's like, hi, Greece. And the girl looks at her waves back. The mom kind of gives a funny look. And I was like, hmm. And then I overhear the mom talking to the director and she's like, okay, so for lunch, Reese, like Reese Witherspoon, Reese will have the cheese pizza or whatever. And I was like, oh, duh. Of course. That makes more sense.

i never made that connection i just was fully on board with these parents naming their kids grease um but apparently cece had been calling this young lady grease all week and uh so then i did go up to her and was like hey just so you know her name is actually Reese without the g uh so i think they finally figured it all out, but yeah, she was calling her friend Greece for a while.

Laura

We had the opposite situation happen with Augie's new like best friend in his class. You know, I was so excited to hear that he had a friend in class and he kept telling me it's like, oh, his name is Alexander. His name is Alexander. I'm like, oh. Okay. And then I looked at the class roster, because I was like, I'm going to reach out to Alexander's mom, get a playdate going, right? Because trying to cultivate friendships. And it turns out his name is Iskander, which is a Russian variation on Alexander, I guess I later learned. Uh, so I had to be like, no, no, no. Cause he kept being like, I want to play with Alexander out. And I was like, no, his name is Iskander. Iskander, you gotta get it right. I'm like, I know it's like, cause you know, he was just going straight for the familiar name. And I had to roll it back.

Shanna

Yeah, exactly. And when I think of it now, it's like, okay, my girls don't know Reese Witherspoon or anyone else named Reese.

Laura

That's true.

Shanna

But what's a word they have heard before? Grease. What musical were they in a couple years ago? Grease. Okay, like that is a familiar word. So I get it. Moral of the story, don't always trust your kids right away when they tell you what their friends' names are.

Laura

This is what we've learned.

Shanna

Well, that was fun segment. I love it. But I do think that is the end. Shall we move on to our BFPs and BFNs? You know we should.

Laura

We close every episode with a Big Fat Positive or a big fat negative from the week. And Shanna, you're up first. What do you got for us? BFP or BFN?

Shanna

I have a BFP. Woohoo! Woo! We did a fun thing that we've not done before as a family or I've never even done as an individual. And it was all CeCe's idea. All right, tell me about it. The other day, she said, I really want to make sushi at home. And I was like, oh, yeah, that's a super fun idea. You don't seem to like sushi, though, so I'm not sure.

Laura

I was just about to ask. I'm like, do they like sushi?

Shanna

Elle does. She really likes it. Cece, no, not so much, but what she does love is seaweed paper, you know, seaweed snacks, seaweed paper. And she does love salmon and shrimp, actually. So she told me she wanted to make a roll with seaweed paper, rice, cooked salmon and cucumber. That sounds good. Yeah. That sounds super good. And then we can, you know, just make like raw sushi or whatever for the rest of us. So I went to the Galleria over here. It's an Asian market. And I had So much fun shopping for the ingredients to make sushi. And they had this really beautiful sushi grade salmon that I got for like $14. You know, when you think of how much you get at a sushi restaurant, you know, for $14, it's like two little nibbles. But we got this whole big thing enough where I could cut a piece off and cook it for CeCe. That just felt wrong to cook a sushi grade salmon in that way.

But we did because that's what she wanted and I got some shrimp tempura and eel sauce and soy sauce and all kinds of fun things. I even attempted to make tempura flakes. You know how you go and get like the fancy rolls and sometimes they'll put like those really delicate little tempura flakes. I was like, I can make those. So I got tempura batter. I was like, I'm just gonna like flick little tempura batter in this oil. It's gonna be so.

That was a nightmare. I wouldn't suggest doing that. Okay, noted. It basically like all congealed into like one big thick island of tempura batter. It didn't work, but everything else was really delicious. It's very hard to cut the salmon in a way that's pleasant and it's very hard to cut the rolls. They looked very wonky, these rolls in the end, but they were super delicious. And it was really fun. The kids loved having the rolling mats and trying to roll their little rolls together. Well, it's just a really, really fun dinner activity.

Laura

Oh, that is so fun. That's a fun thing that I probably am not going to do with my kids for a very long time.

Shanna

Yes.

Laura

Actually, Sebastian loves seaweed too. And he likes white rice. Maybe I should start with just doing like white rice and seaweed and work up to sushi because he does love a seaweed snack.

Shanna

Absolutely. And I think they will get a kick out of those little rolling mats. It's fun. It's like interactive.

Laura

Yeah, I took a sushi class in college. I remember like one two-hour sushi class and then I was like, I know how to make sushi. And so I had a phase where I like made sushi for all my friends. I haven't done it since. I don't think so. Yeah, I wish I knew you in that phase.

I did have an incident where I tried to make miso soup with the sushi, and I was having a dinner party with all my college friends at my stepdad's house. But we went to the Japanese market, and the dashi, which is the soup base, was all in Japanese. And so I just assumed that's what we needed to put in. And I remember being like, wow, I have to buy so many bottles of this, but whatever. Anyway, you were supposed to dilute it one to 10. And I didn't know.

That's all I remember from that face. That might have been the last time I tried making sushi and me so soup for all my friends. Oh no, that's too bad.

Shanna

It was probably so salty, but oh my gosh, your heart was in it. It was. I mean, I gave all my friends kidney stones, but they tried. You tried. That's what matters. You tried. All right. Well, if you ever feel like making sushi again, let me know. You know, you can probably teach me a thing or two because I was humbled big time by that process. All right, what about you, Laura? Do you have a BFP or a BFN?

Laura

I do have a BFP. All right. So there was a change this week for Sebastian. When we first arrived at his new old school, right? So when we first returned to his preschool. The one bummer about returning to his preschool was that the TK classroom was completely full. So back in the day, they used to have two like TK Kinder aged classrooms. And by back in the day, I mean, like when Augie first started, they had two classrooms that were dedicated to being TK and Kinder aged kids. And, you know, they had like a potty training requirement and you had to be four going into it and they had like more, you know, one of them was more academic and one of them was more play-based, but they were both meant for the older kids, right?

However, in the past few years with the introduction of Universal TK, preschools just across the board have been having a lot of trouble keeping their four and five year olds in school, right? Understandably, many parents want to send their kid to the free option, which is public TK. And this has been a huge shift and a big problem for a lot of preschools. There was a whole LA Times article about how TK is causing a lot of preschools to close, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, the point is that it's not just his school that's having this issue, it's all schools. But because of it, they've had to change their classroom structure, right? So now instead of two classrooms that are focused on the older kids, they only had one that was like officially a TK Kinder class. And then everything else is just preschool, right? Like basically mixed stages, no potty training requirement, whatever.

So when we were coming back, they were like, look, the only problem is that we don't have a spot in the TK classroom. But we do have a spot in the other classroom that is essentially supposed to be the older kid class, even though it's not really anymore. And you can be on the priority wait list for the TK class. And at that point I was like, who cares? Whatever. Like I just get him somewhere like safe and happy, right? Like I just, I need him. I need him there. I don't care what classroom he's in. You know, he'll get the academics eventually. But as we started like visiting and doing like class activities, you know, like the family party and stuff in this classroom that he was first placed in, it became really obvious that he was like the oldest kid in the class, you know? Oh, uh-huh. He didn't seem to have a problem with it. He kind of likes being the oldest kid in the class.

He was perfectly fine there, but there were some babies. They were like two, barely two-year-olds in there.

For me, it started making me feel like, maybe I'm not giving him the best opportunity. Maybe this is not helping him learn. I just was feeling conflicted about it. So when the school called last week to tell us that a spot was opening in the TK classroom, we were like, cool, we want him to be with kids his age, but do we really think another transition for him is like the right call, you know?

Shanna

True.

Laura

So we kind of went back and forth about it, and then we talked to the head teacher at the school who was Auggie's teacher two years in a row in his classroom, and we know her really well. And she was like, look, I get that you don't want to uproot him again and have him do a big change just a few months after he left his school, all this stuff that's been going on. She's like, But I know Sebastian. I've known him since he was a baby. He's super Brazilian. I think he's going to have no problem with it. And I think he's really going to thrive in the TK classroom. So we were like, all right, let's do it. So this year. So this week, he started in the new TK classroom where he's amongst his peers, many other just turned five year olds in the midst. And you know what? He is doing quite well. The teacher is really excited to have him in the class.

She confided in me that she was really excited because she loves having a real TK, you know, like a kid who's ready to ready to learn and Sebastian is like that typical second kid who's like jealous of his older brother's homework, you know? He's like, I want homework. So, you know, he's eager to start learning more. So he is now officially back in TK, just private TK.

Shanna

Oh my gosh, what a journey. How does he feel about it? Was he nervous about switching or excited?

Laura

He said he didn't want to do it, but he went just fine. You know what I mean? Like he was like, I don't want to leave my class. I like my teachers. I'm like, you are literally right next door. You still get to play with them. You're still going to see the old teachers. I'm like, but you know, I want you to be with other kids your age. And I was like, and we want you to be in TK again, like, because that was one thing. He would always say like, I miss TK. I don't want to be in TKs. TK! Hooray!

Shanna

Yes, this is on the TK.

Laura

Yeah, so he's been doing great so far in the class and one benefit is that they do karaoke in the class every Friday. Come again? That sounds amazing. Yes. And do you want to hear what he picked for his very first karaoke song in this class? Yes, what? Grim grinning ghosts, which is the song from the Haunted Mansion.

Shanna

I can't. I don't know how it goes. I can't picture it, but I mean, it's just such a hilarious choice. I know how it goes because we have to listen to it. Okay. Take it away, Laura.

Laura

The words are so funny. It's like, when the moon goes high on the dead oak tree, spooks arrive for their midnight spree. Oh, gosh, that's great.

Shanna

Oh, I love that kid. I love this karaoke spirit too. Great.

Laura

It's literal spirits in his karaoke.

Shanna

Oh, that's right. But I'm.

Laura

But yeah, that is my BFP for the week. You know, it's funny because I was so anxious about it when we first heard that there was a chance to go into this room. And I was just like, more change, but now the overwhelming feeling is just like relief, like where we need to be. So. Definitely a BFP.

Shanna

Good, good, good. Glad to hear it.

Laura

Yeah. But I think that's it for her show. Wait, unless we have a five star review to read, Shanna.

Shanna

Oh, we do indeed. This review is from a user called OrangePicoT12 from Canada. The title of the review is Amazing Five Stars. I found this podcast when I was pregnant with my first baby. He's now three and I have a second who is eight months old. I listened to this podcast throughout both pregnancies and I'm continuing now. I love the hosts and the content. It's rare to find a podcast that feels so real, is a fun listen, and is so relevant to my current life. Thanks. Oh, thank you so much for that wonderful review. Yes, thank you. And I do love orange pico tea. Yum. I've never heard of it, but now I know. know what to try. Listeners, if you haven't had a chance yet to leave us a five-star review, could you please do us a favor and head on over to Apple Podcasts, leave us those five stars, say a few things you love about the show, and we might read your review on an upcoming episode.

If you have any, they said what? You want to share with us or anything else on your mind? We love hearing from you, so please reach out. Laura, where can everyone find us?

Laura

We're on all the social medias at BFP Podcast. We have a website, bigfappositivepodcast.com, and if you want to send us an email, send us a contact at bigfappositivepodcast.com. And finally, if you want to join the coolest group of people on the whole entire internet, just search Facebook for BFP Community. It's a private group, so you got a request to join and make sure you answer those two membership questions so we know you're not a robot. But once you do that, you'll be sent straight through to the amazing conversations we're having in there.

Shanna

Our show is produced by Laura Birek, Shanna Micko, and Steve Yager. Thanks for listening, everyone. Have a big, fat, positive week. Bye. Bye.

Getting Kids to Do Chores (Without Losing It) – Ep. 404

March 30, 2026

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Getting Kids to Do Chores (Without Losing It) – Ep. 404

March 30, 2026

Listen Now:

This episode's sponsors:

Whisker Litter-Robot

Once Upon a Dance

Tags

Episode Transcript