Advocating for Your Child at the Doctor’s Office – Ep. 394

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Laura

Welcome to Big Fat Positive with Shanna and Laura. This week, we have our weekly check-ins. We have our special segment, Never Have I Ever, where you find out what had me standing out in the rain and had Shanna acting out a character. And we close with our BFPs and BFNs for the week. Let's get started. Hello, everyone, and welcome to Episode 394. Hi, Shanna. Hello. Hello, hello.

Shanna

All right, let's hear your check-in for this week. Okay, here is my check-in for the week. All right, so, you know, we had just gone back from Phoenix for our trip for Pop-Pops Memorial. And I spent the first part of the week just kind of just coming down from all the activity and hubba from the last couple weeks. Christmas is coming up, but I just wasn't ready to dive into decorating, shopping, wrapping none of that yet. But finally, as the weekend approached, I was like, we got to do this. And so on December 20th, five days before Christmas, probably the latest I've ever done in my life, we finally busted everything out and got decorated for the season.

Laura

I know that the outdoor decorations is something that's important to you too. You mentioned that in a previous episode, how you guys didn't really do a lot of outdoor decorations growing up. So did you get a bunch of lights up? Did you go full Griswold?

Shanna

I did not go griswold. I did kind of bare minimum. I pulled out our inflatables and plugged them in. I did stake them into the ground so they wouldn't blow over. So that's good. Smart. Smart. We have like a Christmas tree light thing and a snowman light thing. And then I plugged in the lights that have been on our house for the last two years. Nice.

Yeah, real nice except they don't work. Oh, yeah, the Christmas tree with a huge like 12 foot Christmas tree light thing that didn't work like nothing was working. I just gave up. There's like so many yard things that are still in bins in my garage. I'm just like Bucket, we don't need to do candy cane lights along the sidewalk this year. It doesn't matter. I decided that this year is just going to be a low key Christmas. It just has to be.

Laura

And I'm actually OK with that. Yeah, that's fine. Christmas is not defined by how many light bulbs are up around your house, right?

Shanna

Yeah, exactly. It's not about light bulbs. It's about gifts and getting lots of gifts. No, just kidding. It's about family, as Cece always tells me. And speaking of family, we did have a really fun family weekend because, you know, we did our decorating in the house as well. And then we went to World Market to do our holiday shopping together as a family. We love shopping there, especially for stocking stuffers. So we went there and got a lot of gifts. And it was so fun. The girls were really, really into shopping for everybody this year, which I find so endearing. Because sometimes I just am not sure if they're going to be excited to give stuff to other people. You know, so that was really fun. And on the way home, they're like, we're hungry. It was kind of getting late and dark. So we stopped at Wendy's and got him some food to eat in the back seat.

And it was just like the cap of a really fun celebratory week of getting ready for the holiday. And as we're about five minutes away from our house, Cici is like, oh, my head hurts so bad. And I was like, oh, no, you got a headache. She's like, yeah, oh, I'm so tired. I was like, oh, well, yeah, I mean, you know, it was a long day shopping and stuff. She's like, oh, my neck hurts. Like when I look down, my neck hurts. Oh, that's scary. I was like, I'm sorry, what? Yeah, I was a little bit nervous because I'm just always on alert for next stuff. I don't know what it, meningitis and cephalitis. There's like things that you want to pay attention to. The kid has like a stiff neck and a headache and stuff. Yeah, for sure. So we got inside, I took her temperature. She didn't have a fever or anything, but oh my God, she was so lethargic.

She did push through to do some wrapping of the things that she bought. She was a real trooper and like super excited to wrap all her own presents. It was adorable. But she went to bed early and then woke me up in the middle of the night around three a.m. She's like, I don't feel good. And I took her temperature, it was like 103. And I'm like, oh no. And I'm like, how's your head? Just let me head hurts. I'm like, what about your neck? And she like put her chin to her chest. She's like, oh, my neck hurts. And I was like, oh no. She went back to sleep. And the next morning, things were not much better. So I was like, I. You know, I think I might need to take her to the doctor today. Usually when she has stuff like this, I let her ride for a few days, right? Because viruses, yadda yadda yadda, they clear up on their own. But this neck thing was really giving me pause. So for sure.

I spent Sunday taking her to the urgent care. I mean, at this point, that is a Christmas tradition for you guys, I feel like.

Oh, well, tell me what you know of my Christmas tradition, Laura.

Laura

Well, I just feel like every year someone's getting sick and like throwing a wrench in your plans. I can't remember all the details, but I do feel like you've had to spend quite a few holiday or holiday adjacent days at urgent care.

Shanna

Yes, urgent care or something, right? I was thinking about this because even though I was excited about it getting close to Christmas and finally being able to focus on it, there was some feeling of just something unsettling in my stomach. And I'm like, why? Why? And then Steve reminded me that he, you know, his appendix burst like two years ago, right before Christmas. And I was like, oh, yeah. And then I remember that I got COVID on Christmas one year. And then I remember that, like, Sasha died right before Christmas one year. And almost every year, there's something going on, something that just counters the joy of Christmas with the stress of illness or loss or worry or whatever. And I thought I was in the clear this year, right? All the chaos was behind me. I'm like, we're good for this year. And I was like, oh, maybe this is my thing. This is my thing for this year, maybe.

Laura

Oh, man. OK, so you took her to the doctor. How'd that go? Were they concerned about her neck, too?

Shanna

You know what, Laura? It was an interesting trip to the doctor. But I'm going to save this story for the second segment. Oh, Cliffhanger. Yes. For now, I think we're going to pivot over to you. I want to know what your check-in is for the week.

Laura

Well, I've avoided the doctor, but you can probably hear in my voice, I have a little bit of a cold. So that's why I sound extra sultry today, everyone. My neck feels fine though. No, but yeah, this week, before I got this cold, we actually had a very festive week too. I just want to talk about two fun little events we went to. Yeah. Okay, so both of these events actually were with preschool friends of Sebastian's. And these were both things that were planned well before we decided to switch schools and send him back to his preschool. So it was kind of a fun week because like both of these events, we were like, well, we'll get to see all your old friends from preschool. And now I was like, well, we get to see your current friends from preschool. Yeah.

But one of them was something that was planned, I think at least six months ago on the preschool WhatsApp, which is we went to Disney on ice in downtown LA. Yeah. Fun. I've never been to one of those shows. I hadn't either. And. I probably wouldn't have spontaneously gotten tickets, but because it was like planned with the group and there were a bunch of people going, I thought, oh, you know, that could be fun. Right? Yeah. And so we all got tickets in the same section. So it was very fun to just sort of be sitting near a bunch of friends from preschool. Although all the other kids wanted to sit together and my boys just wanted to sit like on our laps.

Which was also very sweet. But Disney on Ice, it was really fun. It was very impressive. I was very impressed with the skills and abilities of these dancers and skaters. It was really impressive. They did open with Wish and Frozen 2. And Cory and I were looking at each other like, really, this is what they're going to give us. No shade to wish or frozen to. I think they're fine movies, but that's not Disney gold. You know what I mean? No one's walking around being like, you know what the two best Disney movies are? Wish and frozen to. No. Those were not the things that all the kids were waiting for. I could barely remember any of the songs from Wish. And we're just like, OK. We can enjoy the skating, but this is not what we're here for.

Shanna

I would imagine they would start with a blockbuster, like, let it go. Or maybe they were saving that for the finale, I don't know.

Laura

Let it go was not sung. They instead did Frozen 2. Yeah, I know. Well, they had Elsa out there, but instead they were singing the like, did you even see Frozen 2?

Shanna

I've seen it in bits and pieces, and I do like some of the songs from it.

Laura

Yeah, they did the like, some things never change. That's cute. Right, whatever. Olaf's dancing around. But Cory and I, Cory looked at me and he's like, is this really what they're going to do? Like, I think that's a direct quote. But thank goodness they realized who the real audience was after those first two segments because they brought out the heavy hitters for the millennial and Gen X parents out there. They then went into Moana. and Little Mermaid and the Lion King. And we were all just like, yeah, this is for us, man, like Hakuna Matata. Seriously. Oh, so good. So good. So yeah, it was really fun. It was a nice little outing. So I highly recommend it for people who are maybe on the fence and it's coming to their town. It was a nice afternoon.

But the other fun thing we did this week was something that kind of helped fulfill one of my goals for this year that I kind of slacked on, which is we got invited to a Hanukkah party, a last night of Hanukkah party at my friend Nora's house. Oh, nice. Yeah. And it was nice because I had completely failed to light a single candle during Hanukkah this year, which I feel bad about. But I forgot the first night, and then I was like, ah, it feels weird doing it the second night, but not the first night. So I just was like, next year. But we got to be there for the lighting of the, you know, final candle on the final night at Nora's house and the kids got to play with all their other friends. And I got Sebastian to try a Latka. For some reason, Augie wouldn't even try it, even though I kept telling him it's like a French fry. I was like, it's a French fry.

The problem is there were also donuts. I don't know if you're familiar with Hanukkah traditions as much, but fried foods are like a thing. You eat a lot of fried foods with the oil and the lamp and blah, blah, blah. So there's a lot of fried foods. So donuts are like a really common thing you'll have at these parties. And so that is all Augie ate the whole night. He just had a donut after dinner. Man, living his best life. Yeah, and then they did something that I was really excited about because I could not remember how to do this myself, but I needed someone else to teach them, which is they learned how to play dreidel. Oh, nice. Yeah, which I have all these fond memories of playing growing up. And I could not for the life of me remember how to play it. And it's like it could not be this simpler rules. Very simple. But I just could not remember.

So like they got to join in on a couple dreidel rounds and Sebastian just kept eating the chocolate coins that you get the gelt like you're supposed to like hold on to it and like use it as you know currency. It's like kid poker, but I just kept eating it and it was it was cute. It was a really fun time. So yeah, I was definitely happy that we got to do that and celebrate a little bit of Hanukkah this year.

Shanna

Aw, that's so nice. Someone in CeCe's class this week came in and talked about Hanukkah because that's what they celebrate and gave everyone little dreidels. And she was so thrilled to come home and teach us how to play. And, you know, they use whatever currency they have, which, you know, they were using their stuffed animals, which they have a zillion. They're like, okay, here's the pot of stuffed animals. You take this, man. You put them all in.

Laura

Oh, you lose them. It was really cute and fun. Super cute. So yeah, that's my check-in for this week. I am dying to find out what you are going to talk about in the next segment, so I think we should move on. Let's do it.

Shanna

We're back and this week's special segment is Never Have I Ever parenting edition where we play that old drinking game where we say things that we have done and the other person takes a big sip if they've done it too. I've got my water ready.

Laura

Laura, I hope you have something yummy to drink. You know I always have my giant emotional support water bottle right next to me. everywhere with it.

Shanna

Perfect. Perfect. All right. What is your first never have I ever? Okay.

Laura

Never have I ever tried to frantically solve a kid's puzzle on the side of the road in the dark, in the rain.

Shanna

Can't drink to that one. What in the world? Okay, what is the emergency here? The puzzle emergency.

Laura

So recently we went to a good friend's birthday party. One of Augie's really good friends had his birthday party and it just so happened to be on one of these like super rainy days we've had this winter, which I love the rain. The rain is good, but it was pouring, right? Like absolutely pouring. And I was taking both boys solo because Corey had taken the kids in the morning by himself and it was our little trade-off so we could have some time alone, right? So I was taking both kids by myself, which I usually find to be like not a big deal these days. They're pretty easy to take to places, just me and especially places where they're going to have friends there to play with. It was like super easy. I wasn't worried about it. But the hardest part is usually like the load in and the load out of the car, especially because, you know, transitions are generally hard.

Even when it's going somewhere fun, it's hard. And it's especially hard at the end of the party when they have to leave the party. No one wants to leave the party at all, right? Yeah. And they're overstimulated and they, my kids never eat at parties. So they're starving. And then you add on top of that the fact that it's pouring, right? Absolutely pouring. And the sun is going down really early these days and the party was from four to six. So by the time we got out of the party, it was a little bit after six because we are always the people who leave late. Like we're always, you can attest to this, we're always the ones shutting down the party. Love that about you. I'm glad you like that because it's apparently never going to change. So we're trying to go out. It's pouring rain. The kids are just like discombobulated, but they had gotten some prizes at the party.

So they got like their normal goodie bags, sort of plastic junk that you always get at a birthday party. But There had also been like a couple games during the party, like Pin the Tail on the Donkey and a freeze dance. And Augie won one of the games. And he, as a prize, got this game called Canoodle. Do you know about Canoodle? No. I had never seen Canoodle, but I thought it looked really cool. It's kind of like real life Tetris. It's this little carrying case, maybe like a double card size, right? Like two cards next to each other, that big. And it has this little like clamshell case you open. And inside, there's a grid of indentations that little circles can fit into, right? And then you get a bunch of essentially Tetris pieces that are made of interlocking circles. They're in different shapes. And the whole thing is you have to fit them all in the box, right?

Like you have all these different shapes and they only fit in like certain ways. So you have to do a puzzle to make it fit together. Totally cute, totally cool, right? Augie really wanted to play it. And I was like, don't open it. Don't open it, baby. Don't open it. We're going to be home in five minutes. We live super close. Like just get in the car. It's pouring. Don't open it. Did he hear me? No. He was just very excited to play the game. And as I was buckling Sebastian into the car, I hear click, crash. Uh-oh. Oh, no. Oh, man. So I like cinch Sebastian. I come around and I look and thankfully none of them had fallen into the gutter, which was literally a river of like rain going right. So they'd all fallen on like the muddy floor of the minivan.

Shanna

Gosh. But they were all scattered. How many pieces are we talking here, like 10? Like 15, I want to say.

Laura

Uh-huh, okay. Here, let me send you a picture.

Shanna

Good idea. Yeah, I need to visualize this.

Laura

Maybe you can describe it a little better than I can. Okay, I texted you a picture.

Shanna

Okay, let's see. Okay, so like, yeah, a little case that opens up. There's all these little round indentations, like you mentioned, and these pieces are almost like little balls connected together so there's like a five piece one there's one that's angled one that's like looks like a square I see okay all right yeah so there's probably like 15 pieces they're all over the car floor now all over the car floor yikes

Laura

Okay, it's dark. You know those car lights, they don't really light the car up that well, right? So I'm like pulling out my phone to try to find all the pieces. I find all the pieces on the floor and then I'm trying to stuff them back in the case when I discover that the case won't close unless it's done, right? Like unless the puzzle's actually done right. Cuz they've been like messes with the ability to close and I was like well shit and on he's starting to panic cuz he's very excited about this new toy right and he's like I want to do what I wanted and I was like I'm trying so I'm sitting there half and a half out of the back of the minivan absolutely pouring I have my rain jacket on thankfully but I'm like getting soaked. And I'm frantically trying to get all these pieces to fit. And I'm like, I am a grown-ass woman with a master's degree. I'm also a coder. I should be good at this.

This is something that I should be really good at. I'm sure that's what I told you. I stood there for five solid minutes trying to get it right. And then it kept not fitting right. I was so frustrated. And he was like, let me try. Let me try. I'm like, no. I'm like sitting there trying to do this kid's toy. Finally, I realized I had a hair tie on my wrist. I was like, fuck it. I am just wrapping this thing in a hair tie and calling it a day and just being glad that we didn't lose any pieces. But yeah, it was just like, oh my God.

Shanna

Oh, it's one of those moments you're just like, all of a sudden, it's like your brain tunes into what is literally happening in your life at that moment. You're like, what is, what am I doing? What am I doing?

Laura

Why am I doing this? Why am I standing in the rain trying to solve a kid's puzzle in pitch black while the kids are starving and oh my god it's yeah it was too much.

Shanna

Well to be fair the drive to to finish a puzzle like that is strong. I mean I get it when I went to the Museum of Illusions with the kids in San Diego there was a section with kind of a similar thing right these little pieces that you can like put together to build a little pyramid and it I did that one okay with CECE. And then there was another one. It was more like actual little Tetris pieces and a wooden thing. I sat there for probably 40 minutes of this trip. Just like, I have to complete this. I have to, you know, Ellen and CECE are off doing other things. And I'm just like the weird mom by myself, like trying to get this.

Laura

So I understand. My mom and I once sat in a park, just the two of us, trying to get this slide puzzle done of a frog while the boys were off playing. We're like, we're going to figure this out.

Shanna

Oh my god. So did you get the canoodle solved when you got home or what's the end here?

Laura

No, no, I never got it solved. I finally gave up. But you're right. Part of the reason I persisted was like, I can do this. I want to do this. Like I want to get the satisfaction of solving this. But I finally like the rain is the thing that tipped me over. I was like, I can't. This is this is bad shit, Laura.

Shanna

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When you're like legs are dripping water. It's probably a good sign. It's time to go. Has Augie had a chance to play with it and solve it himself now at home.

Laura

He did spend the next like two days playing it. And like, you know, he's kind of forgotten about it since like they do. But yeah, he it really kept him entertained for a couple of days. And my stepdad was here and he was helping him. It was it's kind of a fun little game. I highly recommend it. Is there only one solution? I don't know. I have not looked into it any further. There is a little like mini game on the outside. So if you close the case, there's like a smaller grid where you can do a little bit of a smaller game. So there must be multiple ways to play with it. But I think I've been scarred by my roadside, dark, rainy, canoodle experience.

Shanna

Yeah. Yeah.

Laura

I don't blame you. You don't want to bring those feelings back up again if you don't have to. Yeah. But that was my first never have I ever. Shanna, do you have one for us?

Shanna

I do. All right. Never have I ever apologized to my child for how I behaved at their doctor appointment. Oh boy.

Laura

Did you go full Karen? What happened?

Shanna

So like I mentioned, CECE woke up not feeling well, headaches, sore neck, fever, and it's Sunday. So I can't go to her regular pediatrician's office because they're closed. And so I went to the walk-in clinic nearby. So we get to the office, it's like just open. So there's hardly anybody in there It's nice and relaxed and calm. I walk up to the front desk to check in and they ask me like, what are her symptoms? And I'm like, well, you know, she's got 103 fever. Her head was killing her yesterday. And she says that her neck really hurts, like, especially when she looks down. And she's like, does she have any congestion or throat or anything like that? I was like, no. At first I thought it was a little weird. They were even asking her symptoms at the check-in desk, but I don't know. I guess that's how the walk-in clinic works.

So those were the symptoms I told her because those were the things she was experiencing. So we wait and we get called back in to the exam room and we're sitting there waiting, the nurse comes in, does her vitals, asks what the symptoms are, I said the exact same thing. Her head is killing her, her neck hurts and she's very fatigued and has a fever. So we're left alone in the room for a little while. Cici's starting to get antsy. She's so fatigued. It's quite a long wait. And I'm trying to just be there for her and comfort her. We're playing I spy with my little eye. She's in good spirits, but a little antsy. Then the nurse comes back in, and she's got a swab with her. And she said the doctor wants to swab for a strep throat. And I was like, oh, OK.

You know, because usually, based on the symptoms you say, the nurse will come in ahead of time and do any tests so that you could wait for them to process. In my mind, I was also like, mm, no, like no flu or COVID or anything like that. That's interesting. But I didn't mention it. She's like, oh, OK. And so Cece like sees that. She's like, what's that? And the nurse is like, we just need to like tickle your throat with the swab and like, you know, get a culture and stuff. And Cece tenses up. And she's like, I don't want to do that. And I was like, oh, honey, it's OK. It's just like really quick. It's like a super quick thing. I had it recently. Well, Cece starts freaking out. I mean, screaming, crying, right? Because she's already dysregulated because she's sick. And I don't know if you've listened to this podcast, but I've had a lot.

a very traumatic trips to the doctor with CeCe over the years, ever since she was an infant, right? She fights tests, she freaks out, she cries, screams. And I haven't experienced that in quite a while because we haven't had to do anything like this. It's just been better. And I forgot. I forgot all of that. And it came flooding back in that moment. I was like, oh, that's right. Sometimes things are tricky with CeCe at the doctor. And I'm trying to be like the patient kind parent that I am with her. I'm like, honey, it's okay. Just open your mouth. I'm trying to coax her into it. The nurse was getting impatient, but you know, she wasn't pushing too much. Eventually she got on the computer and like typed a message. I was like, she's probably messaging the doctor, right? Like, this kid isn't cooperating. Who knows? She sent a message and she's like, I'll be back. I don't know. We'll see.

We can try it again a little bit. I was like, okay, sounds good. frightened. She's on edge. She doesn't know what this thing is that's coming at her throat, even though I'm trying to explain to her. So we wait a while again and this doctor comes in that we've never met before. She's not a pediatrician, but just fine. We've been to this walk-in clinic before and seen other people and it's been totally fine. But the doctor walks in and the first thing she says, she looks at Cece and says, oh, so you're not taking that test, huh? And then she like, she pauses a little bit and then like a course corrects by saying, well, tell me what's wrong. And asks Cece that, like who's sitting on the chair by the desk at this point. Yeah. And Cece like looks at me and looks back at the doctor and she's like, uh, And I'm like, here's what's wrong. And I told her all the same things.

And she's like, oh yeah, it's probably strep throat. I think it's probably strep throat. We've really got to take this test. So she looks at, she doesn't examine CZ. She doesn't have her get up on the table. She doesn't do anything except look at her and say, you got to take this test. You have to take this test or what? You want to have to come back tomorrow and get needles instead? You want to get needles instead of doing this test? We can find out what's wrong? CeCe's eyes got so big and she looked at me and I was like dumbstruck. I was like, why is this person talking to my child like this, right? Like I could see she's trying to coerce her, but it just felt so horrible. And I felt frozen in the moment. I wasn't going to say the same thing, right? But I got down on her level and I was like, honey, you know, if you could just open your mouth We can take it. It'll be so fast.

I swear it doesn't hurt. You're safe. Everything's fine. Meanwhile, the nurse is standing over her with this swab, feeling very intimidating to CeCe. The doctor keeps talking to CeCe and saying, Christmas is coming up. Do you want to spend Christmas in the hospital? You got to do this. We got to know. And I'm just like, what are you even fucking talking about? That is not even the actual consequence for not doing this test I mean and also why are you testing for strap like she doesn't have a sore throat like she didn't even I don't know I don't understand what she could like jump to this conclusion that it was strap mm-hmm without even like testing for anything else.

Laura

Yeah, without even looking in her throat. Yes. I will say, if my mom was here, I'm going to channel Dr. Susan Winter. One of her pet peeves is that doctors don't do physical exams as much anymore. She came up in the pre-test time. Obviously, they had some tests, but they couldn't rely on fast blood work. They couldn't rely on all these newer tests that we have, these rapid tests. She didn't have genetic testing when she was starting as a geneticist, all this stuff. She was trained as a clinician who looks at the patient. You do the full physical exam. I've heard her complain about how They're not teaching doctors how to do proper physical exams anymore. Everyone's just relying on tests and I've heard this rant so many times. So I can just imagine her sitting next to me listening to the story, me like rolling her eyes too. So she's with you on this one.

Shanna

I'm glad. because it is a weird feeling to be in a room with a doctor who's an expert and like feeling like I know something different should be happening but also like not wanting to question their authority and feeling gaslit in a way. It was just it was so weird like it didn't even occur to me to say well do you want to test for like the flu or the COVID or anything, because I was just so dumbstruck by what was happening. Eventually, the doctor looked in her throat, that's it, and then listened to her lungs with the stethoscope, just like C.C. was just sitting on the chair. That was the only type of exam that she did to her. And she just kept going on and trying to bully CeCe into taking this strep test with these scare tactics. Finally, the doctor just said to the nurse, oh, you can just do it on the inside of her cheek. That's totally fine. And CeCe was like, oh, you can.

And the doctor was like, yeah, yeah, you totally can. And in my heart of hearts, I was like, I'm pretty sure they're lying about this. But again, I'm just like frozen. And so then Cece's like, OK, so she opens her mouth and the nurse looks at the doctor and the doctor's like, yeah, just swap her cheek. you know, which is like, it was just like a gateway to then like poke her throat without her consent. You know what I mean? Like, and that's what happened. The nurse put it in there and got her cheek a little bit and then like, I was like, well, just open a little bit more and she opened her mouth a little bit more. And then she like got the back of her throat. And luckily, when that did happen, you know, it's a lot more benign than CeCe was making it up, right? Because it's not really that scary, but she had a lot of fear. And so like that was it.

The doctor's like, okay, well, we'll see what the result is. And the nurse took it out of the room.

Laura

I'm glad it wasn't like traumatic for her when it actually happened, but it's also so fucked up to just be like lying to someone about what you're going to do to their body. Like imagine them doing that to an adult. You know what I mean? Like just straight up lying to them about what they're going to do with them. Like, oh, we got it. Like that would be malpractice, basically. Like you have to get informed consent, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was so strange. And for some reason with kids, we just don't think that matters. It will forever be a soapbox I get on about how kids are not given the same rights and respect as adults. They have to navigate a world that's not built for them that is not accommodated to them at all. And then we have to expect them to just be cool with it. And then we also are just actually allowed to do abusive things to them without any repercussions.

This is something that would not be OK to do to an adult. And yet they just think it's fine because it's this assumption that kids are stupid or we have to trick them. I hate that. I hate that.

Shanna

I hate it too. And in retrospect, I feel so terrible because it's like I'm her person. I'm her advocate. And I just wasn't doing that to the best of my ability in that moment because I was so dumbstruck. I mean, I was still trying to be gentle with her and be there for her and stuff. But I didn't speak up and say, hey, do we really need to do this test? I mean, is it that big of a deal? Because remember her symptoms? She doesn't even have a sore throat. But then the doctor's like, oh, no, the biggest signs of strep throat are like headache and fever. And I was like, okay, interesting. And then, you know, so I'm already feeling bowled over by this doctor at this point. And I remembered like the main reason I came immediately to the walk-in clinic instead of waiting is that her freaking neck was stiff, right?

So as a parent, you feel worried about that because when you look up stuff online about meningitis, it's like it can escalate fast. So you should have it looked at. Right? Sure. Yeah. So I mentioned that. Oh, but her neck, you know, it's a little bit stiff. So I didn't know I'm so insecure when I'm saying this to this doctor. I don't know her neck, you know, it was like kind of stiff. So I was just a little bit nervous. The doctor interrupts me and she goes, no, look at her. She's totally fine. There's lymph nodes. And so her neck is like totally soft. Look. And she's like goes over and like kind of pushes CECE's head down. She's like, look, she's totally fine. She doesn't have meningitis. I was like, Oh my god, you are the worst doctor I've literally ever met in my life.

And then she grabs Cece who's like standing at this point and like kind of pulls her in and takes out her stethoscope again and like pulls Cece in and like puts the stethoscope on her chest to do something. I don't even know what she's what kind of freaking exam this is. And I'm just like what the fuck is happening here like she made me feel so stupid for feeling worried about what my daughter was experiencing. Whereas every time I told this story to anybody else like oh I took her to urgent care because like she had a headache and a neck and fever. Every single parent I've told is like, ooh, that's like that would worry me, right? Yeah, not this doctor.

Laura

No, you did exactly the right thing to try to take her in because that is like red flag city headache in your neck hurts like we don't you don't play around with that.

Shanna

Yeah. And I'm just like, in retrospect, I'm like, okay, so maybe there are lymph nodes in the back of someone's neck. I looked it up later. There are that can get inflamed when you're sick. And so that can make people feel like they have like a sore neck when they're ill. She just didn't explain that to me. She just acted like I was so stupid for not knowing that. So anyway, the test came back. It was negative first draft.

Laura

Oh, boy.

Shanna

She's like, we're going to let the culture grow for a few days. I'll give you augmented anyway. So, you know, if it comes back positive, you can give it to her. If it's a virus, it'll just go away on its own. I'm like, okay, bye. I could not wait to get out of there fast enough. I was crying on the way home because of the way she disrespected me and especially Cece, I felt terrible for letting her talk to Cece that way and scare her. I cannot tell you how many times she said, If you don't do this test, what do you want? You're gonna have to come back tomorrow and do needles. The fuck is do needles? Oh my god. So later that day, I was like, Cece, that appointment today was horrible. And I am so sorry that I let her talk to you like that. What she said and the way she scared you was not right. I should have spoken up and not let them scare you like that.

I'm proud of you for taking the test and it wasn't that bad. Oh, that reminds me. The other thing, the last thing I need to report on the situation. After Cece finally took the test, the doctor looked at me and she goes, you need to teach her how to be able to take tests at doctor's offices. She can't go through life doing this.

Laura

Oh, I'll get right on that Rose.

Shanna

Oh my god, like every memory of every test I've ever had to sit through with CECE in doctor's offices that has been so emotional, horrible, you know, just came rushing back when she said that. I was like, oh yeah, it's because I just, I'm just such a gentle parent. I just like, oh, I don't want my child to, you know, suffer. It's like, that's what she was insinuating about me. And I'm like, look, I was trying to help her take that test. I was holding her on my lap. I was trying to contain her. I've had years of experience trying to help this kid, this unique, spicy kid do the things she needs to do. And it's hard. And she was, I was so dismissed in that moment. And I just looked at her and I said, yeah, I know.

Laura

Okay. It reminds me of when an older relative of mine who like came over for dinner told me, oh, you need to teach Augie how to sit at the table for dinner. And I was like, sure, yeah. Like, we haven't been trying to do that for his whole fucking life. You know, like, we've just been like, oh, Augie, run free. We don't need you to sit and eat your dinner. Like, no. Like, what the fuck do you think we've been doing all this time? If it was that, oh, we need to teach him. Oh, my gosh. Thank you. Thank you, smart person who never, I never considered that. Thank you. Exactly. For your rise in sight and unsolicited parenting advice.

Shanna

It's so insulting because it's like assuming you never thought of it. Like you're so dumb you never thought of it.

Laura

Yashana, didn't you realize you should be teaching Cece to be able to take pills and like doctors and not have bodily autonomy? Just teach her not to care about her bodily autonomy. Yeah. Yeah, that's all. Yeah, that's all. You know, this reminds me of the time I took Augie to go get swabbed at the urgent care. Do you remember that? No. It was years ago, but he needed to get swabbed because he was sick and he had to like get a negative COVID test to go back to school or something. So I took him to this urgent care that I had had a good experience with. It was a pediatric urgent care. And this one nurse came in and said, like, oh, we're going to do like a triple test, like a COVID flu and whatever. so we have to go kind of deep. And I was like, oh, and I had already told him that it was going to be just like the little nose tickle like we had done at home.

And he had actually gotten really patient with COVID tests because there was a period of time where he had to do COVID tests like all the time. Right. And I was like, it's just going to be like that. It's not going to be bad. And I had like talked him up on it. And then this nurse came in and she shoved the swab all the way into the back of his nose. I'm holding his head as he's sobbing and he ends up with a double bloody nose from it. My god, and I was like you just like so confused like what had just happened and The nurse was like well, we had to do it this way and she would like shoved some tissue at him and was like he'll be fine right well a couple months later I am looking at my like Pasadena mom's Facebook group and someone posts the exact same interaction and with the exact same nurse. And all these other moms mention it.

And it turns out this nurse has been doing this to kids like all over Pasadena. And it was like a chronic thing. And I was like, oh my God. And when I would talk to my mom about it, she reminded me of something that I knew, but need to be reminded, which is like, not all medical professionals are good. Not all medical professionals are good at their job. Some of them are actually just mean people. Like obviously the vast majority go into it to help people. and are doing their best. And I don't want this to be, you know, I obviously very strongly believe in like the medical establishment my parents were doctors, you know, like I'm not coming here to say bad things about getting medical care, but there are going to be some bad apples, right? Like there are going to be just some assholes who turn out to be nurses, right? And just kind of act like assholes to your kid.

And it sounds like you kind of got this crappy doctor who was an asshole to you and I'm so sorry.

Shanna

Thank you. And thank you for saying that because I think it's helpful for me to hear and also for listeners to keep in mind because I am primed to believe that my care providers are kind, great people. Like I have had amazing doctors at this particular clinic and so I was so thrown off by this that I really felt like it was like my fault. I was being gaslit like, oh, I don't know. You know, and then you question yourself and that's, I don't know, that's harmful too, right? Like that's part of the harm of this type of situation and this type of bad apple is how it makes you question yourself. And if I had just even had in mind, like this could potentially be a, you know, not a great doctor, maybe I would have been more prepared or willing to push back a bit when I saw some bad behavior. But I wasn't, and I felt really bad that I didn't stick up for CeCe.

And I didn't really realize kind of the extent of CeCe's fear until later that night, she was telling Steve about it and she said two things which made me realize her interpretation of what the doctor was saying right. She said the doctor said that if I didn't take the test I would have to get needles stuck in my nose. So she was sitting there thinking that the needles we're going to be poked up into her throat, right? I mean, the doctor was ambiguous. Who the fuck? If you don't want this, you gotta come tomorrow. You can get needles. And I'm assuming what does she mean? Like, you'll have to get a shot? I don't even know. So that's how scary is that as a kid, to think that you might have to get needles in your throat. And then the other thing she said is like, the doctor said that if I didn't do it, I would have to spend Christmas alone in the hospital.

And I was wondering like, why wouldn't my family be here? And I was like, oh yeah, that is what it sounded like the doctor was saying. You'll have to be alone in the hospital on Christmas. What shitty things to make kids think, man. Also, way to make her more scared of the doctor. Exactly. Exactly. It's like, thanks for helping my mission here, lady.

Laura

She just needed a teacher to not be afraid. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that happened. I am glad she doesn't have strep though. I feel like... Yeah, me too. That's a win.

Shanna

I don't know what she is going to have. She's not better. She's going to have to miss camp this week. But, you know, who knows? We'll see. We'll just go from here. Oh, man. Well, I'm so sorry that happened. Yeah. Thank you. Anyway, do you have another? Never have I ever for us.

Laura

I do. This one's funny, but I think we should do it after the break.

Shanna

Okay.

We are back and Laura has another Never Have I Ever for us. Laura, what you got? Never Have I Ever watched Blippi dance to Fat Bottom Girls.

What? Are we talking a Blippi impersonator here? Did you go to the club and Blippi was out dancing?

Laura

That would be funny. That would be funny. No. So I was at this brand new park that just reopened. Well, I mean, the park has been there for, I don't know, 100 years, but they just renovated the whole park. They renovated the tennis courts. They renovated the playground. It's so close to us. It's like awesome. We're so excited. And so we went to go visit this park, which is becoming our new favorite park. And it was packed, man. It was like so busy. Everyone's out there enjoying the new park. This is one of the sunny days recently. And there was a kid's birthday party happening in like the little bench area, you know, the off to the side that they have, right? And I'm sure you can rent them, right? Yeah. And I thought it was pretty funny because they had a Blippi impersonator.

And at first I was just like, oh, you know, that's I didn't know you could rent a Blippi impersonator, but that makes sense, right? You know, have a Blippi guy come in and it looked like he was throwing a dance party for all the kids. And it was cute. You know, all these kids are dancing and it was fun to watch, you know, while Augie and Sebastian were off doing whatever they were doing. I was just sort of like gazing over at the party and be like, oh, cute. I kind of miss the days when my boys liked Blippi, you know. Like it was a little nostalgia. Well, imagine my surprise when the playlist got to the end of whatever song they were listening to and started playing fat bottom girls. And I'm listening to this and I'm like, you know, it's an entertaining song. I like it, but it's not exactly what I would call like child birthday party friendly. Yeah.

And I'm like watching because I thought instantly they'd be like, oh, it's wrong song and change it. But no, Blippi continued to conduct the dance party for all these little kids. And I'm like watching being like, what are they going to realize? And I started noticing the parents kind of tittering, right? And then like, I want to say like a minute into the song, like after the first chorus, they were like, Blippi was like, oh, shit. I gotta fix this, right? So like the Blippi guy, definitely not like a licensed Blippi impersonator, right? Turns around like, it's like, maybe we should do a different song. And I'm really sad I didn't get more video of this, but I do have like three seconds that I dropped into our shared folder so you can see. Oh my God, I gotta see this.

Shanna

That is amazing. I mean, do you think the song came on and the Blippi impersonators like a Gen Z kid and didn't like know the song or realize it's just like dancing and then like heard the lyrics was like, oh, oh, oh, or however Blippi would say it.

Laura

It's very possible. It's also possible there was a bit of a language barrier because I do believe this was an Armenian Blippi impersonator because there's a lot of Armenian being spoken. which makes sense. We live in Glendale. There's a huge Armenian population. And also, like, so awesome that you can get a Armenian Blippi impersonator. Like, where else other than in Armenia? Then can you get it other than Glendale? So awesome. But I do think that maybe that was part of it. Was like, you know, I don't know how pop... It's queen, right? It is queen.

Shanna

I'm looking it up right now because I wanted to see what the lyrics are. And, you know, it's like, oh, won't you take me home tonight? Oh, down beside your red firelight. Oh, you give it all you got. Fat bottom girls, you make the rock and roll go round. So, yeah, that's not a kids bop song. That's for sure. I wonder if there is a kids bop version of it.

Laura

Well, now I need to look that up. But for whatever reason, it did make me laugh. I don't think any kids were scarred permanently by it. It's not like WAP was playing or anything, you know? Oh, yeah. I mean, it could be a lot worse, right? Oh, plenty of worse options to be played. So all in all, just an amusing moment, something I never thought I'd see. And trying to explain it to the boys, because they were like, why are you laughing? And I was like, it's just Blippi was playing in it.

Oh, that's great. I love it. But yeah, that was my final never have I ever. And I think it's time to move on to our BFPs and BFNs. What do you think? I think it is.

We close every episode with a Big Fat Positive or a big fat negative from the week. And Shanna, you're up first. Do you have a BFP or BFN?

Shanna

I have a BFP. Yay. Yay. Before all of this doctor sickness stuff went down, it was actually a very nice week and very festive. One reason is that CECE's teacher planned winter festivities every day for the kids at school. So she had a blast at school this week. And I was able to go in and volunteer one of the days. So I came in and made hot chocolate for the kids and read a book to them and got to spend a couple hours in her classroom, which I've not done in first grade yet. And I just I love being in the classroom and I love Reading to the kids I was the mystery reader after I served him hot cocoa and I was just so lovely and fun and fast. It was wonderful.

Laura

Oh, that's really sweet. You know, you're reminding me that I think I have to get a TB test to be a volunteer at August new school. So I need to do that because I want to be able to jump on these volunteer opportunities.

Shanna

Mm-hmm. Yeah, they come up quickly sometimes. You have to be cleared already to go here to tooth them. Yeah, it was just a lovely morning at CECE school. Oh, that's so nice.

Laura

Wait, so what book did you read for Mystery Reader?

Shanna

Oh, I read a really cute book called The Book That Almost Rhymed by Omar Abed. Have you guys read that one? No. Oh, it's so fun. I recently checked out a bunch of funny kids books. Like I just put a bunch of funny books on hold at the library and picked them up because I don't know. I'm just into funny picture books right now. And this is one of them. It's about a little boy trying to tell a story. And his little sister keeps interrupting with non rhyming words that's like breaking his rhythm and stuff. But it's it's so cute. The kids loved it. And it's a wonderful book. So I will share it in our show notes.

Laura

Adding to my list now and that's it what about you do you have a bfp or bfm i also have a bfp yay my bfp is that augie started going to parkour again oh he did yes thing so he had been doing jiu jitsu for a while and then it just got to a point a couple months ago where he just wouldn't go. Like he just would not go to class. He never wanted to go. It was a fight every time, so we finally just unenrolled him. We asked him, we said, you know, we're paying for this, but we don't want to if you don't want to go. So like, what's the situation? Are you going to go or not? And he's like, I don't want to go. So we stopped jujitsu. And we realized we didn't have an activity for him. Like we kept thinking about it. We were talking about stuff. Cory and I were talking about different sports leagues, but, you know, you have to sign up for them in advance and we didn't have our acts together.

And all this time, Sebastian has been going to parkour every week and he loves it. And he's been getting so much better and he's really facing his fears of heights and he's just like, I've seen so much improvement in him. And the reason Augie didn't go to parkour, the reason we switched to Jiu Jitsu was because The same thing happened with Parkour. He didn't want to go. He was dragging his feet. He didn't want to participate. So we had to quit that. But it had been long enough that I could tell he started getting kind of interested again. Part of it was that any time Sebastian was going, Augie would kind of like perk up and like want to come with and watch and stuff. So finally I was like, do you want to start Parkour again? He was very noncommittal about it. He was like, I don't know. Maybe y'all think about it. So finally, Kory and I were just like, you know what?

We're just going to sign you up. Like we already have like a family membership that we pay like the yearly fee for. So we might as well like get you in on it. Oh, nice. If you end up not liking it again, we can always quit again. But like you need an activity. You need something to do outside of school. So we signed him up and he had his first class this week again and he loved it. He was so happy to be there. And yeah. So we're just happy to have him back in parkour. I was able to find back to back classes. So we go on a weekend day and they just have back to back classes and the other kid sits out for the other class. And yeah, it's just it's working out so far. So fingers crossed he likes it for at least a month.

Shanna

That's awesome. I really think my girls would like that. I need to take them to the parkour studio up here and have them give it a try because they would really love it.

Laura

It is really fun. It looks very fun.

Shanna

Yeah. I mean, I want to try it too, honestly. They do have adult classes.

Laura

Maybe that'll be mom's activity for the spring. There you go. But yeah, that's my BFP just getting him back into parkour and it's been fun. So. Love it. I think that's it for our show.

Shanna

I think it is. Listeners, as always, if you want to support our show, please do us a favor, share this episode or another one of your favorites with someone that you think would love Big Fat Positive so that we can continue to grow our community. And if you haven't had a chance yet, head on over to Apple Podcast or wherever you listen, leave us a five star review, say a few things you love about the show, and we might read your review on an upcoming coming episode. And if you have any never-have-abbers that you want to share with us, please let us know. We love hearing from you. Laura, where can everyone find us?

Laura

We're on all the social medias at BFP Podcast. We have a website, bigpatpositivepodcast.com. And if you want to send us an email, send it to contact at bigpatpositivepodcast.com. Finally, if you want to join the coolest group of people on the whole internet, search Facebook for BFP Community. It is a private group, so you got a request to join and answer the two membership questions so you know you're not a robot. But once you do that, you'll be sent straight through to all the amazing conversations we're having in there.

Shanna

Our show is produced by Laura Birek, Shanna Micko, and Steve Yager. Thanks for listening everyone. Have a Big Fat Positive week. Bye. Bye.

Advocating for Your Child at the Doctor’s Office – Ep. 394

January 19, 2026

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Episode Transcript

Advocating for Your Child at the Doctor’s Office – Ep. 394

January 19, 2026

Listen Now:

This episode's sponsors:

Whisker Litter-Robot

Once Upon a Dance

Tags

Episode Transcript