New-School Jitters and a First Grader’s Caterpillar – Ep. 389

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Laura

Welcome to Big Fat Positive with Shanna and Laura. This week we have our weekly check-ins, we have our special segment, Would You Rather, where we explore scheduling conflicts and some surprising animal interactions, and we close with our BFPs and BFNs for the week. Let's get started! Hello, everybody.

Shanna

Welcome to Episode 389. Hi, Laura. Hi, Shanna. Hello, hello. Let's kick off this episode with your check-in for the week. What's going on with you, your kids, your family? Everything.

Laura

Well, there is one major thing that dominated this week. And I bet you can guess what it is based on what we talked about last week. It doesn't have to do with school. It sure does. Yay, ding, ding, ding. Yep. So this week, Augie started at his new school and Sebastian went back to his previous preschool and they have both completed their first week at their new places. So it's been quite a week. Yeah.

Shanna

I'm so curious how it went, how they're feeling about everything and of course how you're feeling about it all.

Laura

Yeah. It's really interesting. Yeah. So when Sebastian went back to his preschool, it was really cool because like we showed up on the first day and there were parents who were like, what the are you doing back here? Like I got a bunch of hugs on day one and all that, you know what I mean? Like it felt very much like coming home, you know, we had spent four years at that school between Augie and Sebastian. So even though Sebastian is in a different classroom than we've ever been, you know, we were in the same classroom all four years and now he's in an older kids classroom, you know, it's a small school. We still know everybody. So it was very much just like coming home, you know, Nice. And then there were some new parents sort of looking at us like, why is everyone hugging you? You know, it was definitely like, what's going on here?

So that was definitely just a nice sort of homecoming feeling. And oh my gosh, Shanna, I forgot how much of a relief it is. to not have to drop both kids off at school at a specific time. Like with Augie and Sebastian, when they were at their previous school, it started at 8 AM. And you know, if they're late, they get a tardy and, you know, you can't have too many tardies or it becomes absences, blah, blah, blah, right? You know, it's like they're strict about it because it's a publicly funded school, even though it was a charter, it got public funding. So it had to adhere to all those rules, right? Well, now we're back at a private preschool and you can't even drop them off early, right? Like they open at 8.30 and you got to be like waiting in line if you're there at 8.29, right? And they don't care when he shows up, you know what I mean?

Like he could show them at 10, they're like, hey, you're like welcome. That is so nice. It was so nice. It was just like such a relief to be like, oh, we have a little more time in the day. You know what I mean? At least for one of them. If it was my day to drop him off by myself, it was just like, oh, we get to dawdle a little. And it was sort of like rewinding a little bit. It was so interesting, the feeling I had this week. It was a little bit of like, On one hand, it's all this new stuff with the new school. But on the other hand, it felt like I rewound like six months. You know, it gives such a strange way. And so that was a relief. And it was just, it's just all around nice to be at the old preschool. So I'm happy with that. Now, with Augie School, it's a bit of a different story because it is a public school and they have an 8 a.m. on the dot start.

It's a little different for us because they actually have like a bell. You know, the old school didn't have a bell that rang to tell the kids to go into class or any of that. It was much more loosey-goosey. Of course it didn't. Yeah, no. So, Augie is getting used to all this new stuff and it's been a bit of a transition. But thankfully the school had us all go in on the first day on Monday and like Corey and I and Sebastian all walked Augie into his classroom. So like we met the admin person who had been helping me in the front office and she kind of like gave us a mini tour of the school. And then we all walked to his classroom and met his teacher. And the little girl we had a play date with like came out and was like, Aki was so excited to show him to his desk and all this stuff. And she put her arm around him and started showing him the ropes. And then we left.

But at least we got to drop him off at his classroom and meet his teacher for a hot second.

Shanna

That's great. It's always good to at least just have a visual of where your kid is going and what environment they're going to be in. What was your impression of that environment, by the way, compared to the other school with no doors and such?

Laura

The bar was low with the door situation. Yeah, well, I had already toured the school a couple of weeks ago. So I had a bit of a layout visual, but I hadn't seen his particular classroom. And so I got to see just a quick peek into his classroom. And I was instantly relieved and impressed. It seemed so organized. The kids all had their own desk, which is not something that was happening at the old school. At the old school, it was kind of a free for all. And there weren't even enough desks for kids. So like some kids were like working on the floor. It was so weird. It was like, yeah, I never, that was the one of the first red flags I had from the back to school night when I went and saw Augie's classroom at the old school. And I was like, wait, there aren't, like I was counting. I was like, there's not enough desk.

And they're like, well, some kids like to work, you know, while sitting cross-legged or whatever. And I was like, okay, but still there's not enough. Like, what if they all want to use a desk or like, how exactly are they all going to learn to write properly, lying on the floor? So anyway, this one, I was like, Augie, you get your own desk. Like, it's your desk. It's not someone else's desk. You get to keep it. And he was very excited by that. Also because it reminded him of the Simpsons, as I mentioned. He was very excited by that. Like it has a very Springfield elementary like older campus vibe, you know, it just looks like an elementary school from TV and movies. So he was very excited by that. I love it. But yeah, it was my first impressions were like, oh, this looks great. Like it just felt good. It felt better for us. So that was a relief. And then it's been so interesting, Shanna.

I was preparing myself for like big emotions, right? Like, dysregulation, right? Things are different. He's getting used to a schedule, sleep getting messed up, you know, like lashing out, all that stuff, right? Right. This child has been so chill all week. Like I cannot even believe it. I was talking about it with Corey and we're like, he seems like a different kid, like not 100% different, but you know, he seems like a chiller, happier kid. And it made me feel so sad because I was like, oh my gosh, I think he was carrying way more anxiety and stress about his old situation at his old school than he was able to even let us know, you know? Oh, for sure. because I was just like, wow, this kid is like more regulated than usual, more chipper than usual. Like just all these things that I'm just like, I wasn't expecting. I was expecting it to be a transition, but it's been great.

So he says he loves it. He says he's making friends. I got the cutest text from a mom that I know. She has kids in second and fifth grade at that school. I know her from other mom stuff. And I've been texting her and she was asking how he did on his first day. And she sent me a text at the end of their first day. She's like, oh my gosh, she just asked my second grader if he saw Augie at all during the school day. And he's like, oh yeah, I saw him running with a pack of like 20 boys on the playground looking like he was having a great time.

Shanna

Aw, yay.

Laura

That's a great report. Yeah. So seems like so far so good. The kids are happy. Sebastian's super happy to be back with his best friend from last year. Oh my gosh. He's just like wanting to write his name all the time. Like he every evening, we're like drawing. He's like, I want to write my friend's name on this. I'm like, how do I spell it? It's adorable. So cute. So cute. So cute. So everyone's adjusting well.

Shanna

Good. I'm so glad. And what a testament to you and Corey having made the right choice, right? You were feeling that things were off. Things were definitely not going well. You made a hard decision and so much tension has been eased. And that's amazing. It's so fascinating how much more regulated he is there, but It also makes sense because think of all of the uncertainty at that other school. It's like, I'm going to school and I may or may not get hit or kicked or punched by this kid. I may or may not have a desk. Apparently, it's a hoteling situation like an office complex. I mean, that's bizarre. There's no doors. That's a lot of uncertainty for a young child.

You know the parenting reading I've been doing lately is just so much emphasis on really creating that like predictability and certainty for kids so that they can feel safe and like they don't have to make those choices and figure all that out and navigate all that every second. And it sounds like the school is providing that at least so far. So I'm so happy.

Laura

Me too. Me too. I couldn't be happier. One thing that actually happened this week is we apparently transferred just in time for like all the fun events. happening so like this week there was the jogathon at their school and I got in just under the wire to like get Augie some prizes like if you donate at all you get or if you like get enough donations you earn a prize so I like went in and did the minimum So I could get him the prizes so we could feel included. And we all went on Wednesday morning and watched him run. And he was having so much fun. And the whole school was there. And it just felt very community-driven. It just felt like a very good vibe. So we all just had a really great first impression of our first week of the school. So yeah. Awesome. I'm very happy we made the hard decision and now we just move forward. Exactly. But that is what dominated our week.

Shanna, what have you been up to this week?

Shanna

Well, a good portion of our week was dominated by a caterpillar existence.

Laura

You teased the existence of this caterpillar a few episodes back and you're lamenting that it was a added burden to keep another creature alive. You were on the fence about said caterpillar. So it sounds like the caterpillar at least made it to this week. Yes. Tell us more.

Shanna

So this caterpillar has been sitting in Sisi's room on a shelf for a while, a high shelf out of the reach of cats and dogs. And I was a little worried it would fall off the radar of all of us up there. Like I was just like envisioning six months from now being like, whoopsie daisy. But Sisi was on it. She came in one day she's like mama I think the caterpillar turned into a cocoon or what a poop I don't even know the next stage right chrysalis chrysalis yeah chrysalis I was like okay awesome and she's like we need to put it into a bigger container and I was like okay where is Steve because he's the one that read this like six page pamphlet. And, you know, showed more interest in this process, but he wasn't home. CECE was hell-bent on transferring this chrysalis right away. And it was on me.

So I skimmed the brochure instructions, as you do, and got the highlights of what we needed to do here. So she and I take this little container. It's like a little plastic to go container that you might put a tiny bit of ranch dressing in at a salad bar, right? It's really small. Clearly, if the butterfly emerges from a chrysalis or cocoon or whatever in there, it's just not gonna fit. So we need something bigger. Instructions are like, put it in a bigger plastic container. I'm like, what container? What do I have around the house? I found an old strawberry. crate. Oh yeah. I was like, that's perfect because it's got holes, you know, the critter can breathe or get air or whatever. So I take the lid off of this tiny thing and this hard cocoon thing was sitting on mush. Like, but it was also kind of attached to this little piece of tissue paper that was on the top of the lid.

And I guess I was supposed to like take the lid off and like the cocoon was supposed to day on the paper and I was also transferred. I was just getting like a like a like a creeped out chill about it because look I grew up in the era of the movie cocoon right in like 1985 my image of a cocoon is like a big creepy thing that's got like that births an alien and a swimming pool like I don't know I just don't I didn't want to deal with it so the instructions said that I needed to take this piece of paper with the chrysalis hanging on it put it In to a new container so that it's hanging on the piece of paper well this thing falls off of the piece of paper and I'm like oh my god how am I gonna get this to hang back on a piece of paper on the side. Of this container tape the paper to the container and I'm trying to get this little thing back on a piece of paper and meanwhile I'm just like.

getting the chills down my body because I feel like I'm touching something that makes me uncomfortable and I just couldn't do it. It said that it could be okay if it's also on the bottom of the container and that's just what I had to do. You were left with no choice. So we're going to leave it there on the bottom of the container. And then it's like, now what you need to do is you need to mist it like every day. And if you mist it too much, that's bad. I was like, oh, my God, that's great. Because if there's one thing my kids love to do, it's they love to overuse misting bottles, right?

Laura

Oh, yeah, for sure. I've bought so many of those misting bottles because I'm trying to use them for plants. I'm looking at a plant that is dead, dead, dead right now. My kids keep stealing the misting bottle, like Sebastian will just be like, I'm going to queen the windows. I'm like, but you know, you're also like, but it'll also buy me an hour, you know, like so. Yeah. Sorry plant. RIP plant.

Shanna

Yeah, so you get it something okay, so that's something I'm gonna have to manage anyway So I set this the strawberry container on her dresser and everything and it was sitting there and my mom came into town and she was staying in CECE's room and I go in to talk to her at one point and the strawberry container is open and And I'm like, oh my God, where's the chrysalis? And she's like, what? And I was like, oh my God, I'm looking around. It's like on the ground. Next to her suitcase, I was like, oh, God, right? Like, please, I cannot let this thing die in my care. My mom was like, what? What's going on? I was like, that strawberry container was the home of a chrysalis. She's like, I thought it was trash. I was going to throw it away. I'm like, no, it's OK. Obviously, it looks like trash. I get it. But I'm like. Move your showcase. I need to save this thing.

And so now I'm like picking up this thing. It's like surprisingly a lot harder than I had expected. It's kind of crunchy. So I thought for sure it was like dried out, like desiccated and just a goner at this point, right? But I'm not willing to make that call. So I pick it up. I put it back in the strawberry container, close the lid and I'm like, whatever will be will be and put it back on the dresser. And Cici was none the wiser. Several days later, she's like, the butterfly is starting to hatch. I'm like, oh my. What?

Laura

There was life against all odds.

Shanna

Oh my gosh. Now, in the meantime, I have been watching videos on social media of her classmates. of their caterpillars emerging from the cocoon, they open the lid, it flits away and they watch it and, you know, they're waving goodbye to it and everything. That was not our situation.

So it emerged and... Like what horror?

Laura

Like what horror awaits us in this story?

Shanna

It emerged and CeCe's like, it emerged. What is all this blood? And I'm like, what the fuck?

It's like in a wet pool of like light red liquid. I'm like, oh my God, like how did it get over misted? Who knows? So I went back to the instructions and skim that part. And apparently it's like a, it's like caterpillar merconium, right? It's like when the butterfly is born, it emerges, it releases a nice first poo that, you know, looks like blood. So I was like, okay, I think it's actually okay. And I'm like, I'm going to definitely leave this for Steve. I don't want to deal with this. If you've done your part. Done my part. I was like, look, let's let it. We can observe it for a few days, CeCe. And then we'll let it fly. Steve came home and took a look at it. And on the down low was like, Shanna, that thing is stuck in that meconium. And I'm like, what? And he's like, I cannot release the wing. I'm like, what do you mean? He's like, the wing is stuck. to the strawberry container.

I was like, are you kidding me? He's like, I don't know. It's like, let me see if I can figure this out. So he's like in the bathroom, wetting Q-tips and trying to gently surgically remove the butterfly wing from the strawberry container. Eventually, the wing did detach from the plastic, which is great. But somehow it also detached from the butterfly's body. So now we have a one-winged butterfly.

Laura

So I don't mean to be laughing at an injured butterfly, but I'm laughing just because, of course, this is what would happen to your butterfly.

Shanna

It's so much worse, so much worse than I had anticipated. So, you know, my dreams of posting a social media video of this butterfly flying away are looking slim. But Steve's like, look, I read online that you might be able to reattach a butterfly's wings using super glue.

I was like, are you kidding me? He's like, I'm going to try it. Meanwhile, we're trying to keep this, you know, on the down low from Sisi because it really just feels too gory or something. But she's like, is the butter, how is the butterfly doing?

Laura

I mean, while Steve is Dr. Frankenstein in the bathroom, everything's fine. We just need some lightning first.

Exactly.

Shanna

And I'm like, well, honey, you know, it's doing the best it can, but if it doesn't make it, you know, it's probably maybe just the end of its lifetime. could have like a little burial just if it doesn't make it you know if just priming her for what might come if Steve's surgical skills don't work out the way that we hope wait have you told us what kind of butterfly this is no I haven't because I don't have a clue let me let me look it up really quick

Laura

I'm assuming it's not a monarch because those are like protected and I don't actually think you're supposed to raise them without a permit. That's my understanding. Oh yeah.

Shanna

No, no, no, no, no. Definitely not a monarch. Okay. It is a painted lady butterfly and I'm looking at some marketing language on this brochure. Here's a quote. Both kids and adults love this family-friendly, low-maintenance activity and learning experience. It's like impronencies, except Shanna.

Laura

Except Shanna. Oh, man. Yeah, I think that's a very presumptive statement on their part.

Shanna

But true for a lot of people. I mean everyone I saw on social media looked delighted about it. So I can't even look at it. Like I didn't watch anything he did because as like grossed out or like as I am, I'm equally deeply empathetically like heartbroken. about this. I find it so sad, and I don't want to see this creature in distress. I definitely don't want CeCe to see it. I can't look at it, and so I'm just like, okay, do whatever you can do with the butterfly. It was dinner time, so he couldn't really continue or finish the surgery, so he Put the container out of reach like up on the refrigerator. So, you know, there was no chance of her seeing this thing, but it was alive at the time and we put some sugar water in there, you know, because that's what we were supposed to do.

You twirl up a napkin or a tissue and kind of put it in a little bowl of sugar water so that they can sip it as if it's like the stamen of a flower or whatever. So we did all of that. And the next day, Steve checked on the butterfly and came out to deliver the news that the butterfly did not survive. And, you know, Cici was like, how's the butterfly? And he's like, oh, I'm so sorry, honey. The butterfly died. It didn't make it. And I'm just like, holding my breath, right? Like, oh, my God, like, how is this going to go? And she thought about it. She was like, quiet for a second. And she was like, Oh, okay. He said, do you want to have like a little burial or like a little funeral for it? Or would you prefer that I just go and bury it myself? And she was quiet and thought about it for a second. And she's like, I just want you to do it.

And he's like, okay, all right, I'm going to go do that right now. And he went out and buried the butterfly. We did not film that for social media. Didn't share that. But then she kind of was just over it. She moved on. I don't know how she felt on a deep level if, you know, disturbed her, upset her. I haven't heard much sense, but I thought it would be more dramatic and emotional. But it wasn't.

Laura

Yeah. I mean, I do think maybe priming her helped, right? Like, she'd kind of been primed since day one about, like, maybe this butterfly is not going to make it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh man, it does suck though. I mean, especially when your classmates have surviving butterflies. I'm just, I'm kind of mad at the school or the teacher for like foisting this upon you guys, right? Like, You had to basically nurse this thing for what, weeks, the whole time with a sense of dread, ultimately ending in like a somewhat traumatic situation where a living thing died under your care and you had to explain to your six-year-old what happened. And it's like, I mean, there are lessons learned for sure. It's definitely educational. Yeah. Maybe not in the way you wanted for this span of your life, you know, you've got other things going on.

Shanna

Right, yes, exactly. But look, it might have been in one of the newsletters or emails. Honestly, I am so overwhelmed by all the communication, by all the schools and clubs and everything that I skim stuff, just like I skimmed the butterfly instructions. So it very well could have been in there. But one nice bonus is that apparently as a class, they had also been doing this. They had 25 of these little butterfly chrysalises that they had been. growing throughout the weeks as well. And so the day after CECE's butterfly perished her class released all of their butterflies and she said only one didn't make it. So I was like, okay, that's pretty good. They did a good job. Clearly it's easy, but not for me.

Laura

Now you know what percentile you fall in.

Shanna

Yeah, exactly. So I think her having that experience and kind of feeling a sense of ownership about the classroom butterflies and witnessing them being released and everything helped a bit with our personal tragedy.

Laura

Yeah. She didn't get to miss out on a butterfly in general. So that's good. Okay. Well, I'm going to keep an eye out for any mention of caterpillars or butterflies in my email newsletters because I'm not sure we'd be able to keep one alive in this house either. So maybe I'll be able to learn from your mistake and opt out ahead of time.

Shanna

Good plan. Good plan.

Laura

And just in case anyone thinks we don't like butterflies or caterpillars, I planted an entire native butterfly garden in my front yard. So there I'm just cultivating them outdoors, not indoors.

Shanna

Yes. Yes. Love butterflies, caterpillars. What a what a miracle of nature. I love them. It was just a challenge as a parent. Yeah. But anyway, that is my saga for the week. Shall we move on to our special segment? Yes, we should.

Laura

We are back, and if we sound a little different, that's because we're trying something new, right, Shanna? Yeah, I'm so excited about it. We have some video rolling right now. We moved. Well, I didn't move. I'm always in my office these days, but Shanna has moved herself out of the closet to try to make some well-lit video for you guys. Turns out recording video in a closet is not ideal.

Shanna

Not so much.

Laura

But don't worry, we're not becoming a video podcast or anything. We do not have time for that. But we do want to record some extra clips to share and to have on social. So this is a little experiment. So maybe you're watching us do all this. But we do have a special segment. We do. This special segment is a new favorite of mine. It's Would You Rather, where Shanna and I share scenarios with each other that we would like to get each other's input on, which is the preferable scenario. Sometimes choosing between two bad options, all related to parenting. Shanna, do you have a Would You Rather?

Shanna

Oh, you know I do. You know I do. All right. Okay, Laura, imagine this. It's the end of the day. You have a doctor's appointment lined up. You were hoping that Cory would be home to take the kids so that you could go to your appointment alone. Okay. That doesn't happen. Something comes up. Would you rather take your two young children to the doctor's appointment with you or just cancel the appointment and say, I'm so sorry, I am not coming? I'll reschedule.

Laura

Ooh. Okay. This is a tough one. I think it really depends on the ages and temperaments of your kid and also like what kind of doctor's appointment? Because I'm thinking I have a mammogram and a like breast ultrasound coming up and I'm like, that would probably be not a place that would be easier to take my kids. But if it was something like a regular checkup, you know, or just like a follow up appointment, maybe it'd be easier. I think either way, iPads would definitely have to be involved. And I think most like I'm thinking through this in my life and I just can't see a way that this would work out very well because my kids are attached to me at the hip. Like they're not kids. I can leave in a waiting room at the moment. They're a little too small. And, you know, like I don't know if I would want to or be even be able to talk about like my own physical problems in front of them. Like,

easily, right? I'd be getting interrupted all the time. So I think I would definitely cancel the appointment just for my life, even though it takes forever to get in to doctors appointments and it would be very sad for me to have to cancel.

Shanna

Yeah. Do you think they would even let kids in to the mammogram room with you? Even if they did, that would be like a weird thing to see mom do.

Laura

My kids are kind of obsessed with my boobs because they've nursed for so long and so they'd probably be like, what are you doing? The mommy's bellows.

They're getting smushed.

That's a good question. I wonder if they would. I feel like they would let kids of a certain age in, like younger kids, but I wonder if they'd be like, you're almost seven-year-old needs to go back into the waiting room, which you would not do. Yeah, no, I think there's no world where I could bring them along. I'm curious. It sounds like this might be something that happened to you in real life. You had to make this decision.

Shanna

Yes. Lately, I've been happy to make this decision a lot because I've been doing physical therapy, which is I mean it's not exactly the same because it's not an exam and it's not very personal or anything but it's a 45 to 60 minute appointment where I need to be focused on what I need to do and the time of day I can fit it in is like five o'clock usually towards the end of the day and sometimes Steve doesn't make it home in time and like so I'm like All right, here we go, kids. You're coming to physical therapy with me. And we rush out of the house. This happened last night. And I, like we've mentioned before, Laura, I am trying to really cut down on the screen time that they're allowed to have during the week. So I'm not really eager to be like, you can come with me and be on an iPad. So I have been requiring that they bring homework or something to draw on or something to read.

And so last night we went to physical therapy and they brought their little markers and drawing pads and hung out while I did all my exercises and everything. So were they like next to you while you were doing that or were they in the waiting room? They started in the waiting room and it's nice because the waiting room is really small and it's kind of just right near the gym area so they can see what I'm doing and stuff. And I'm like, that's perfect. feel safe there and i was in my appointment for about ten minutes and you know cece comes running over and she's like i miss you and you know i'm like trying to do a side plank and she's just like smushing her face on me and So I'm like really managing their behavior while I'm trying to do all my stuff. And I'm getting stressed because, you know, they're zipping around running and like people are trying to do exercises. Oh my God.

Laura

Yeah, that sucks. It reminds me of this one day where I had a Pilates class scheduled and Corey was home. It was the weekend or something. But they really wanted to see. And so I was like, well, why don't you guys just like walk over towards the end and like you can watch me through the window because it's like big glass windows up front. And they showed up like 10 minutes before the class was over and we're just like staring through the windows, you know faces pressed against the glass. And thankfully there was only one other person in the class that day and it was an older man and he thought it was really funny. And my instructor did too, but I was like, this could have gone wrong. You know, like these weird kids just like stirring through the window and our legs are in straps and we're like in a straddle.

Shanna

But yes, yes, I was in some hilarious stretching positions yesterday. But the one really funny thing that stood out to me about this particular appointment is they brought their drawing stuff and eventually they both ended up in the gym. And the PT was like, Why don't you just sit on these stools and sit by your mama. They're very nice there, but it's like, okay. So they sat on these stools and they were drawing. They started a conversation about how hard it is to draw certain physical features of a person. Like it's really hard to draw a nose. I'm like, it is. I'm like, it's really hard to draw a hand too. Like I'm saying this while I'm doing my cat cows or whatever. else like no way I know exactly how to draw hand I'm like okay and so she takes her big old sharpie on her paper so she draws two straight lines like an arm right mm-hmm with a round hand at the top and said mama this is

This is how I draw hands and holds it up in front of everybody in the PT plays. And I'm just like, oh my God, how wonderful. Why don't you add some fingers to that? And I'm just like, oh my gosh, everyone thinks I bring my kids in here and they're like drawing wieners. OK, it looks like a rudimentary drawing of a penis basically. So the joys of bringing your kids to the doctor with you.

Laura

Amazing.

Shanna

Oh, all right, Laura, what about you? Would you rather for us? I do.

Laura

Okay. Would you rather have children who have impeccable amazing taste in music, but they force you to listen to Halloween music all year round? Or would you like to have kids who listen to Kidz Bop and like meme music all the time, but you get to listen to seasonal music at the right season?

Shanna

You know, this is wild because there really are not that many Halloween songs that I can really think of. Maybe like spooky scary skeletons and a nightmare before Christmas. So that would get really old really fast. But when the Halloween music is not being played, you could listen to good stuff. So I have to go with that because I am in the throes of my kids listening to brain rot music right now. There's been an even bigger explosion of it on Spotify or something, and my kids are just listening to this shit nonstop, and I am losing my mind. So I absolutely could not tolerate that for more than a week. What about you?

Laura

Yeah, same. I do happen to have children who somehow have developed a really great taste in music, as far as I'm concerned. I'm biased, of course, but they don't really like that brain rot stuff. They'll listen to it and giggle. Usually when your kids are.

Yeah you were over last time they're playing one potato one potato or whatever that is yeah yeah yeah because L asked Alexa to play like her music right and they think it's funny but they never ask for that stuff you know like if it comes up in the algorithm they'll giggle but they never ask for it. Thank goodness. But my Spotify recently listened is, like you said, Nightmare Before Christmas. What you're not counting are all the film scores to horror movies that they've never seen, but they want to listen to. What? So we've been listening to like the shining score. We've been listening to Jaws. We've been listening to, what else have we been listening to? The Stranger Things soundtrack. And then they ask us all these questions, like, what's happening now? I'm like, kids, I haven't watched Stranger Things in forever. You know, they're obsessed.

Oh, and the one that was on my Spotify wrapped this year, which was the Beetlejuice soundtrack. Danny Elfman, it's fun, right? But it's all the time. It's all the time. And they ask for specific tracks. They're like, I want to listen to the sand worm. And so I have to like go find the specific track, you know? So, you know, we just, we got through Halloween. And like, recently we were in the car and Sebastian is like, I want to listen to Bealejuice. I don't want to listen to Beatlejuice again. I just don't. Can we just please listen to something else? Thankfully, his new favorite pop song is The Fate of Ophelia by Taylor Swift from her newest album. We do go, he's like, I want to listen to Ophelia. I'm like, okay. Then they want to skip all the way to the end to listen to the other track, which, you know. Apparently is how a lot of people listen to the album. No comment.

But yeah, so they have great taste in music. It's just 24 7365 Halloween time here.

Shanna

Yeah, well, you got to start just rotating in some holiday movie soundtracks, you know, some. elf some home alone home alone i mean home alone has some fun music but it really sounds like they like the kind of eerie spooky stuff maybe they really do yeah so well look count yourself lucky because here's what's on rotation in my spot if i don't even have to look because we've been playing it so much My butt is itchy by Mr. Poopyman. My butt is itchy. My butt is itchy. And then there's one called chicken fingers with a side of macaroni. It is the weirdest brain rot song I've ever heard. It's just like someone going chicken fingers with a side of macaroni. I mean, it's kind of funny. It is funny. It is kind of funny. At least it's like not an earworm. They get stuck in my head. It's just like a funny, weird thing. But yeah, I don't know how to get my kids off these songs, man.

Are they all AI? I assume at least a lot of them are. I think some of those artists started with writing their own stuff, but I'm sure at this point it's all AI. Oh my gosh.

Laura

Okay. Yeah. That sounds worse. Definitely worse. Yeah. Yeah.

Shanna

Okay. So my kids need to be influenced by your kids' musical choice when they collaborate. Okay. Have them play the orchestra music.

Laura

I'm sure Elle will just be totally okay with, with seeding control over Alexa. Yeah. Yeah.

Shanna

She's good at seeding control.

Laura

To the younger kids for sure. But anyway, that was my first. Would you rather, do you have another one for us? I do. Okay, here's my next would-you-rather.

Shanna

As you're rushing out the door, probably late somewhere with your kids, which unexpected obstacle would you rather face? Both of your kids arguing over who gets to play the piano at that moment because they just have to play the piano or dealing with a hamster getting entangled in your child's hair.

Laura

Oh, definitely the piano because the piano can be closed. You know, like I see the drama there. They both want to play the piano. I happen to know that you have a piano right on your entryway, which you may be like, I know you recently rearranged your living room, maybe reconsidering that new arrangement. But anything having to do with rodents and hair? No, thank you. I mean, my kids thankfully don't have super long hair, but they could, I could see a rodent getting, they are rats nests sometimes. So, um, yeah, I'm going to have to take the piano even though, even though that's probably a more regular occurrence, you know? Yeah, yeah.

Shanna

I'm not even sure which one I would pick, but I'll tell you the one that happened to me. Probably both, actually. The hamster did get ensnared in Cici's hair as we were out the door. Luckily, of course, thank the heavens. It was not a real hamster, because you know how I feel about real hamsters.

Laura

I was gonna say, well also like a real hamster would not survive in your house. Radley, one of the two cats or Radley would get to it very quickly. So like, I'm like, there's no way a real hamster is in your house.

Shanna

Well, you need to sit my kids down and explain that to them because I tried so many times. I can't even take them into PetSmart anymore because the full on assault I get of like, please, can we get a hamster? And I'm just like, no, is exhausting. So I guess as a consolation prize, they have a little electronic hamster that came in a wheel. You put the batteries in, it has some little tires on the bottom of the hamster, little wheels. So if you put it on the ground, it goes, and it can ride along the ground, right? If you put it in the hamster ball, it pushes the ball. No one in my family seems to use toys the way that they're intended to be used. So somehow, someway, I'm trying to rush out the door and Cici comes in. She's like, oh my God, I got a hamster in my hair.

And of course, she blames it on Elle. I mean, it probably was Elle, but I don't know. Elle got a hamster stuck in my hair. So I'm like, OK, let's do hamster surgery before we try to get to school on time. So I go and find a tiny screwdriver, of course, because it's like the world's tiniest screws keeping this thing together. And I'm unscrewing the things and trying to get her hair unwound from the tires, because it's completely wound up in the axle of the hamster. What in the hell? It's so insane. So I remove the tires. I remove whatever the batteries. I like try to untangle her hair from it. She's like screaming. I mean, I'm still recovering from this experience. Why?

Laura

It's just how are they so good at this? How are they so good at finding an obstacle on the way out of the door? Because it's like truly creative to have that be the thing. You know what I mean? Like your decoy was perfect. I mean, I know it's not like a, it's not a guessing game, but like, you know, the wanting to play piano on the way out of the door. I'm like, oh, that must be what happened in your real life because you have the piano by the door. Oh no. Oh no. No, no. There's a fucking fake hamster in her hair. What? I'm sure like two minutes before you're supposed to leave. And then there's all these parents who would be like, well, you know, they need to learn consequences, right? Like, kids need to learn that when they, you know, do things that make them late, like the consequences, they're late.

And I know you ascribe to that too, for like, and so do I, like, to an extent they should learn consequences. But how are we supposed to send our kid to school? Like, what are you supposed to do? Like, well, You made your own bed, six year old, almost seven year old. You're like, you're going to just have to have a fake hamster in your hair all day. Like, no, of course not. No, no.

Shanna

I mean, I've already centered to school with two different shoes because of a similar, you know, running late situation. The hamster will not stand. It reminds me of another time I've talked about on the show, it was like, I think we were trying to go somewhere and I look over and Elle is on the floor by the door on the way out and her hair is stuck in the zipper of a suitcase. And I'm just like, what is happening? And Cece was freaking out too because she's like, don't cut my hair. Don't cut it out of the hamster. Because that was going to be my first solution, right? Like trims. Her hair, she has long hair. She has some to spare. But she was so concerned about it that I was like, OK, I'll do some surgery on this hamster and see what we can find and see what we can figure out. So she's fine. The hair came out. The hamster survived.

Everyone is safe except just my nervous system, basically.

Laura

Oh my gosh. Yeah. And her tardy attendance, probably. Yeah.

Shanna

That's a topic for another episode.

Anyway, all right, what is your next, would you rather?

Laura

Okay. I had two to pick from and I'm going to do the one that has to do with animals because of this hamster question. Okay. Sweet. Let's say you have agreed. You are going to get your kids another pet, a pet that they are going to love that they've been begging for. Okay. Okay. You have two options. Do you get a pet that they're going to love to bits and just be so obsessed with, but it's going to die in two years, like Max. That's a best case scenario. Or you get them a pet they're so excited about. They're going to love, they're going to cherish this pet. It's going to live 30 years minimum. Oh, which one?

Shanna

Gosh, that one really depends on the pet because if it's a pet that I'm also really excited about, like my cats or my dog, I would welcome a 30 year lifespan. If it's something like a hamster, I think that time limit is maybe not so bad. But I'm trying to think of what animals even have that type of lifespan that you might have as a pet. And I'm thinking like a bird, maybe a tortoise or something. And I appreciate those animals from a distance, not in my home as pets. So I would say a love and die. Love and die, I guess.

Laura

What are you talking about? I'm so dying to know. Shanna has so many obligations. She cannot add another obligation to her life for more than two years. Even if it means like her kids having to go through the death of their beloved pet. To be fair, I would choose the same thing. Actually, what I'm choosing is neither of these things because we're not getting any more pets. But here's the scenario. I'm going to actually show you something. Okay. I'm going to show you, we went to Augie's like best friends birthday party recently and we met his pet whose name is Emma Stone, by the way. Very cute. Emma Stone and the kids last name. This child does not know that Emma Stone is like a real person. But let me show you my boys absolutely fell in love with it and immediately started asking for one. Okay, so here we go. Here's the video of them playing with it. Let's see if you can see it, Shanna.

Shanna

Oh boy, that is a big old snake. Is that a boa constrictor? What is that?

Laura

That is a ball python. Emma Stone, the ball python. And they loved this thing. Yeah. They were absolutely obsessed, and they wanted one right away. I actually, I don't mind stakes like in general, like they don't give me the creeps. I think they're cool, but I don't want one as a pet, but like I'm not against it, right? And I had this thought while I was looking at it and I was like, you know, I had just talked with one of the people we've played Bosch on with and we were at her house and her teenager had a bearded dragon like under her sweater. And we were talking about the bearded dragon and the topic of conversation came to like lizards and other reptiles and how long they live. And someone was like, oh yeah, I got a snake as a kid and my mom took care of it like when I was like still out of grad school. Like it was like a very, very long time.

So I'm sitting there thinking about this and I decided to look up the average lifespan of a ball python. And apparently In captivity, ball pythons average 20 to 30 years. But with proper care, they can reach 40 to 50 years or even more with records exceeding 60 years. Yeah. What? Yeah. I had no idea. That's, wow. I had no idea. Not relevant to our lives because we're not getting a ball python. But I then mentioned this out loud to the mom of Augie's best friend. I said, oh, did you know that these things live like 30 years? Shada, the look on her face. She was like, I was not. What? That's news. That's news to me. I was just like, sorry. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Yeah.

Shanna

you know, maybe the kid can take the ball python or Emma Stone off to college with him seems like it, you know, and then have a have a pet for life pet for life.

Laura

I mean, how cool would that be to have a pet for 60 years? I mean, that's really cool.

Shanna

I know that is pretty cool. I wonder what snakes are like in their old age.

Laura

Hmm. Do you think they get wrinkly?

Shanna

They must get wrinkly. There arthritis must be terrible with all of those spined joints.

Laura

Oh, poor snakes.

Shanna

Oh, snickies. Oh, God. OK. Well, I'm glad you didn't get a ball python that lives for decades. I think that's good for you.

Laura

It's not going to happen.

Shanna

Yeah.

Laura

Sorry, kids. Yeah. We've got our pets. We've got our cats. Yes. Like you said, it would be great. Like if the pets we love could live that long. Yeah. I would love a cat that lived 60 years. Imagine, oh, you get to have your cat your whole life so much. No. But yeah, my best wishes to Augie's best friend's mom. I'm sure it'll work out great. I think I mentioned this to my mom and she's like, oh, so that's why everyone's releasing like snakes into the woods in like Florida, right? Like it's a big problem, I guess. Or like. Is it? I think so. Yeah. Invasive or non-native snake species. But yeah, some parents bought it to like make their kid happy. And then they're like, oh, shit. This thing's around for a long time. Yeah. You're like, go free.

Shanna

Go free. Snakey.

Laura

Don't do that. Don't do that. We're telling you right now. Find a snake rescue.

Shanna

Yeah, exactly. Good advice.

Laura

But yeah, that's my second would you rather. And I think that's the end of this segment. Am I right? I think it is.

Shanna

Shall we move on to our BFPs and BFNs? Yes, we should.

We are back and we wrap up every episode with our Big Fat positives or Big Fat negatives of the week. Laura, what you got for us? I have a BFP.

Laura

All right. Okay, my BFP is something that I've been wanting to do for a while, but haven't gotten a chance to do until this week. And that is, G and I started recording the audiobook for Good to Go. Oh, how exciting. It is very exciting. And the reason we didn't do it before the book came out was because no one else wanted to pay for it, basically. Our agent had reserved the audiobook rights because our publisher didn't want to buy the audiobook rights and she was like, well, hold it back. We'll pitch it around to see who wants to produce the audiobook and then we'll do it then. Our agent pitched it around and there were no takers. Rude, very rude. But I realized why when I started researching how to self-publish an audiobook because I was like, okay, well, we'll just self-publish it. I'm a podcaster. We can figure this out, right? Yeah.

So I talked to my friend, our friend, you know her too, Amanda Troup, who is an actor who now does like, it seems like her main gig is audiobook narration. You can find her on TikTok. She's awesome. And I was like, oh, Amanda will know. So I like messaged Amanda and she actually called me and was like, I'm going to just give you a brain dump of everything I know about producing an audiobook. I was like, cool. This is awesome. And so she brained up to that to me and then I started researching what she told me. And I realized the reason why no one wanted to produce the audiobook is because like Amazon and Spotify and all these platforms keep so much of the money that you pay for audiobooks. Like the margins are really different than regular book publishing. I get it. You know, no one wanted to like split it five ways, right? Like agent, authors, publisher and like Amazon, right?

Amazon taking 60% or whatever it is. I know. But G and I were like, well, we can just pay out of pocket for the recording session and own it outright and put it out on our own, which is exactly what we decided to do. So this week, we had our very first recording session We're anticipating it to take three full days in the booth, so we've just done one so far. But it was super fun. It was super cool. Obviously, for me, you know, we've done, what is this? Episode 389? We've done a lot of podcast episodes, so I'm fairly comfortable behind a mic. Of course. But Gia, you know, was a little intimidated. At first, she was like, maybe you should just read the whole thing. And I was like, no, no, no. Like the way we wrote this book is that it looks like partially in my voice, partially in your voice, like you're going to read your voice stuff.

Plus she's a teacher, so she's actually really good at, you know, lecturing and reading things out. She just had to get comfortable. So once she got in the hang of it though, it was really fun. And we holed up in a recording studio all day on Friday and yeah, started recording good to go on audio.

Shanna

That's exciting. How far did you get in one day?

Laura

We got, I think we got 60 pages done, and it's about a 220 page book, but some of those pages are blank, like pages between chapters, and some of those pages I think are the index. i think we're gonna pick up the speed next week and i'm hoping we can get it done in three days but if not there's like a bonus day we have held aside so yeah it's it's been a lot of talking though i must say it's a lot i bet it does sound really fun and i know a lot of people have been requesting

Shanna

the audiobook. And as an audiobook lover myself, I am excited that you guys are going to have that available as well.

Laura

Yeah. And we're hoping it'll be ready before the end of the year. Like apparently once we're done recording, it'll be a quick turnaround. So stay tuned for that. Awesome. Yeah, but that is my BFP for this week. Shanna, BFP or BFN? I do have a BFP. Oh good, even through the darkness of the injured butterfly situation, you still managed to BFP. I'm proud of you.

Shanna

Yes, thank you, thank you. So CECE's softball season came to an end. And, you know, they did pretty darn good. I was very happy with how she stuck with the season, really seemed to enjoy it and stuff. We did have trouble getting things on time, but, you know, it's all the work in progress. But the BFP is that they had their team party this weekend and it was at the coach's house and it started at two. And it was gonna be a cookout. They were gonna cook some carne asada, and we all signed up to bring sides and everything. And I'm like, hey, we'll show up, spend a couple hours, come home, get ready for the week ahead or whatever. Well, we went it too, and it was so fun that we stayed about seven and a half hours hanging out with all of these people. It was one of those unexpected, just super fun things that you don't, you know, like I wasn't planning for it to turn into that.

But that's what it was. There was a bounce house in the back. So all the kids were just playing together and all the adults were sitting at the table having drinks and chatting and eating carne asada and rice and beans and salad. It was just, oh my God, it was so fun. Like I love a backyard barbecue party like that. It's my favorite thing in life, honestly. And that's what it was. So I'm like, I don't want to leave, Steve. We're staying. We're staying. And it was awesome. We all had a great time.

Laura

That's great. Also, I feel like was it just last year that you had to organize the end of softball season party and it was like a huge disaster for you? Like I'm remembering drama, drama, drama.

Shanna

Yes. When the girls were on the purple ponies. Actually, I think it was two years. Let's see. Yeah, she was four when she was on that team. And I was the team mom and arranged this end of the season dinner. Cece had been sick for a week, but she'd just gotten better and just had the hugest meltdown at this party and cried in the parking lot for an hour. I missed the whole party. It was one of the most stressful days of my life. So this complete opposite.

Laura

I've been redeemed. Yay. That's right. It was from two years ago. And what a difference two years can make. I'm sure that if current self could go back to two years ago self on minute 59 of her having a meltdown in the parking lot while you missed the party and just been like, hey, guess what? In two years, you're going to go to the end of season party and it's going to be the best time you've ever had. You know what I mean? It would make you feel so much better.

Shanna

Oh so true yeah it's it's just such good vibes even thinking about having so much fun with all the parents at this party recently and then thinking about that one two years ago i just kind of like get chills in my body is just like slumps you know just even thinking about it how our body sense. memory and stuff can hold that can hold those things. So I'm so glad that like I've had this experience this year because it feels a lot better and it is a lot more fun. But yeah, Cici is more mature and you know, she hasn't been sick with 105 fevers for the last week. So that has something to do with it too.

Laura

Yeah, that definitely helps.

Shanna

Yeah.

Laura

Yeah. Well, that's awesome. Yeah.

Shanna

And I signed her up for next season of softball while I was at the party.

Laura

Wow.

Shanna

Like, yeah, let's do it, everybody. Let's do softball again.

Laura

That's how they getcha.

Shanna

Yeah, so that's what we have to look forward to next season. But yeah, that is it for me. And I do believe that's it for our episode. Unless Laura, you have a five star review to read.

Laura

Oh, I do. Yay! This is from an Apple podcast listener named Court and Cody, and the title is A Long Overdue Review, Five Stars. I started listening in 2022 when I was pregnant with my daughter and loved the show immediately. Shanna and Laura have created such a genuine, down-to-earth, lovable podcast and community, and listening to the new episode each week makes my Mondays brighter. Following along in their parenting journeys while navigating my own has given me both practical advice and the encouragement to keep being intentional with my now three-year-old. Give the podcast a listen. You won't be disappointed. And then a pink heart emoji.

Shanna

Aw, thank you, Court and Cody. Thank you so much. I love that. It's a really wonderful review. Appreciate you taking the time to do that. And listeners, if you haven't had a chance yet to leave us a five-star review, could you please do us a favor and head on over to Apple Podcasts? Leave us five stars, say a few things you love about this show, and we might read your review on an upcoming episode. If you have any thoughts, comments, feedback on this episode or anything else, please feel free to reach out. We love hearing from you. Laura, where can everyone find us?

Laura

We're on all the social medias at BFP Podcast. We have a website, bigfappositivepodcast.com. And if you want to send us an email, send it to contact at bigfappositivepodcast.com. And finally, if you want to join the coolest group of people on the internet, just search Facebook for BFP Community. It's a private group, so you've got a request to join and answer the two membership questions so we know you're not a robot. But once you do that, you'll be sent straight through to all the amazing conversations we're having in there.

Shanna

Our show is produced by Laura Birek, Shanna Micko, and Steve Yager. Thanks for listening, everyone. Have a big, fat, positive week. Bye! Bye!

New-School Jitters and a First Grader’s Caterpillar – Ep. 389

December 15, 2025

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New-School Jitters and a First Grader’s Caterpillar – Ep. 389

December 15, 2025

Listen Now:

This episode's sponsors:

Whisker Litter-Robot

Once Upon a Dance

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Episode Transcript