Toddler Meltdowns Over Inanimate Objects – Ep. 379

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Shanna

Hi, welcome to Big Fat Positive with Shanna and Laura. On this week's episode, we have our weekly check-ins. We have our special segment, Why Is My Kid Crying, where we talk carpool catastrophes, landscaping, laments, and more. And we wrap it up with our weekly BFPs and the events. Let's get started. Hello, everyone. Welcome to episode 379. Hi, Laura, my friend. Hello, Shanna, my friend. How are you doing? Good. Why don't you give us your check in on your little family of my friends that live over there in Glendale.

Laura

Tell me what's been going on this week. All right. So we have a name for the kitten. Oh my gosh, what is it? It's not avocado. Sorry to Augie. He really lobbied hard for that one. Let me tell you.

Shanna

He's like, it's the one vegetable I love, okay? And everyone needs to know.

Laura

He has had an avocado two times in his life, okay?

Shanna

But he loved it, right?

Laura

It is not a whole thing. He just loved it. Yeah. That one time. I can't replicate it. He was at his preschool doing like a cooking thing. They were making, I don't remember, tacos or something. Right. And he got assigned to the guacamole table and he just started eating an avocado with a spoon. Just raw dogging an avocado.

Shanna

That was me in college when I became a vegetarian and didn't know what to eat.

Laura

My dad used to do that. I remember being so baffled. He would just like walk around the house holding an avocado like it was its own little bowl and having a spoon, like no salt or anything. And I remember thinking like, I know, I'm not going to do that. To be fair, California avocados are good, and he grew up in Romania where there probably weren't any avocados.

Shanna

True, true. And it is pretty nice of the avocado to come with its own bowl.

Laura

It is. It's very thoughtful, very convenient. But no, so anyway, the kitten is not named avocado. We went through a lot of options, but nothing stuck at first. So some of the other ideas that were floated were Taylor Swift. That was actually an oggy suggestion as well. Oh, good taste. OK, you're raising a Swiftie. Good, good. I was on board with Taylor Swift, but apparently not. We actually suggested Taylor Avocado Swift because Taylor Swift's real middle name is Allison. Everyone knows her as Taylor Allison Swift. Taylor Avocado Swift. Oh, my God.

Shanna

I really thought you were going to say that her real middle name was Avocado, and I was going to lose my mind.

Laura

It's Alice, though. That's cute. Okay. Allison, Taylor Allison Swift. This is when everyone finds out that I'm like a secret Swiftie. I'm like a mid-level Swiftie, I'd say. I like the music, but I definitely, I know her middle name, but I don't know all the Easter eggs or anything like that.

Shanna

Okay, well, that's more than I know.

Laura

Taylor Swift was vetoed. I think by Sebastian, which is really weird because he loves Taylor Swift too. But no, not Taylor Swift. I suggested Willow, which I thought was a beautiful name.

Shanna

Cute. I'm pretty sure that was on my list for Jasmine. And my kids are just like, no, I'm like, I'm sorry, that's beautiful. So I'm with you on that one.

Laura

Cory liked Willow too. It made us think of Buffy. Willow is witchy on Buffy and cats are kind of witchy. We're like, great, this is perfect. Nope, nope, vetoed. So we moved on. My mom kept being like, we should do something related to her being a calico. Like what about Callie? And I was like, mom, our other cat's name is Cal.

Shanna

Oh my gosh. Come on, Susan. Was she like, okay, yeah, you're right now.

Laura

Every time, every time. And then she'd be like, what about Calliope? I'm like, mom.

Shanna

Same thing. Oh my goodness.

Laura

Same problem. And every time she'd be like, oh yeah, you're right, you're right. But then a name popped into my head and I threw it out there and shockingly, everyone liked it. Oh. Are you ready? I'm ready. That's a drum roll. The kitten's name is Pumpkin.

Shanna

Oh my God, that is so adorable and so perfect for the upcoming fall season. And she's got some orange tufts of little pumpkin fur and she's a little pumpkin.

Laura

She is a little pumpkin. You may argue that our cats have the wrong names because the calico is named Pumpkin and the orange cat is named Cal. But this is the life we've chosen.

Shanna

That's good, though. It's good to be unexpected. Keeps people on their toes, keeps cats on their toes.

Laura

Yes, the cats are being kept on their toes, too, because Pumpkin is now free to roam the house, and Cal is skeptical about the situation. Oh, uh-huh. They're safe around each other. He's not aggressive, but he is like, what is this thing? And she's just like, I'm a baby kitty. I'm going to jump on everything, you know, including you, Cal. But it's so cute. And the name pumpkin is great because it lends itself to so many nicknames. Like if she's being a little bit feisty, she can be our little pumpkin spice latte. And you know, when she's funny, she's just a little pumpkin. And yeah, when she's loafing around, she's our pumpkin loaf. So yes, it's proving to be a good personal name.

Shanna

That's cute. I'm glad that y'all came to a consensus. I know that naming pets with kids can be tricky for sure. It can.

Laura

I will say we should have named her milkshake because she's bringing all the boys to the yard, Shanna. How so? We have had more visitors this week that we've had like cumulatively over the last six months, I swear.

Shanna

Oh my gosh, because they all want to visit you and see how you're doing.

Laura

Yeah, everyone's checking in on me. No, it's. Everyone wants to see the kitten, and fair enough, that's why I would come visit too. So Jen and Steven and their kid came over, my friend Marilyn came over, our other friends from preschool came over, then our friends Kate and Joe and their kid came over. I mean, it's just like... It's been a parade of people coming to see the little baby kitten, the little pumpkin. And a trend I have noticed is it's the adults who are really interested in seeing pumpkin.

Shanna

Yeah. Yeah. We adults love kittens. What are the kids just kind of lose interest quickly or what?

Laura

Yeah, I think She's also a little more scared of the kids. She's really outgoing and not at all a scaredy cat. But you know, these little kids stomping around, she has instincts to protect herself rightfully so. So she'll go hide as they like throw themselves at her, right? But the adults know how to move more slowly and she's just instantly fine with all of them. And so like, I was hanging out with Kate and Joe. in my office playing with little pumpkin while all the kids were off somewhere else. The kids came in, they're like, oh, cool, adorable kitten. And then they're gone. And meanwhile, all the adults are playing with the kitten. But yeah, it's been a fun little adventure so far. And we're so happy to have a little pumpkin.

Shanna

Yay, that's exciting. Well, I need to make it over there and meet Lil Pumpkin as well. You do. Yeah.

Laura

So that was our big news for the week, naming a little fur baby. As we know, names, you know, I love being able to say our cats and dogs real names on the show because I feel like we have to like use fake names for all the humans. And so it's just like, oh, so nice to use a real name. It's Pumpkin.

Shanna

That's so true. Yeah. Yeah. Radley, Jasmine, Coco, you know, they don't care about their identity on the net, so it's all good.

Laura

We are spilling all their personal private secrets.

If they only knew. Speaking of which, how is your house full of Radley, Coco, Jasmine, and then CeCe and Elle? Oh, and also Steve's there, right?

Shanna

Yeah. He is. He is. He's here. We are good. My cats had the house to themselves this weekend, and Radley went to the sitter because my family did an overnight trip down to San Diego.

Laura

Ooh, fun!

Shanna

Yeah, so I want to say over a year ago, maybe, I got on the waiting list for tickets to a Savannah Bananas baseball game.

Laura

Are you familiar with Savannah bananas? I don't know if I'd say familiar. I think I have an inkling about the Savannah bananas. Are they like the Harlem Globetrotters of the baseball world?

Shanna

Yeah. Yeah. More or less. It blends baseball with performance and dance. And it's like a show, basically. So the Savannah bananas are an independent baseball league that are solely for the purpose of entertaining the audience. They have their own rules of how the game goes, its fast pace. They constantly interrupt with like song and dance, but they do also play a baseball game on a professional baseball field. So I cannot tell you this could not combine my two interests in life anymore. Like when I grew up, I loved baseball. I was obsessed with baseball. I played softball. I still love that sport. And then, of course, I love like musical theater and, you know, showmanship and all of that. So the Savannah bananas combine these two things. And they really blew up on social media a couple years ago because they're videos are really fun.

The players are pretty hot and very talented because they can play baseball and dance and perform and stuff. So I was like, we need to go see a game live, but there aren't that many games around the country and it's in hot demand. So I had to get on a waiting list. I had to join a lottery. I had to, you know, it was a big rigmarole to get these tickets. So when I got the email, it was like, you've been selected to purchase tickets in San Diego, which was like one of the closest games to me. I was like, oh my God. Like, you know how swifties are with Taylor Swift tickets? Nerdy little Sean is like, oh my God, Savannah bananas. Like, you know, fingers on fire. I could not get to my keyboard fast enough to like type in my order to get these fucking tickets. Like Steve, look what I got. So that is what we have been waiting for. And that's what we went and did this weekend.

Laura

That is very exciting. My fear about going to a very, very entertaining and fun baseball game would be that it ruins regular baseball for everyone. 100 percent.

Yeah.

Laura

Yeah. Baseball because Augie's been begging to go to a Dodgers game. And the Dodgers are really popular right now. Like they're doing pretty well, I think. And so it's like actually very expensive to get Dodgers tickets. And Corey and I are just like, I don't know if he will sit through this game and we really do not want to spend like $150 on a ticket where he's going to be like, this is boring, you know. So that would be my only concern. This sounds amazing. He would have loved this. He would have loved it. I feel like I kind of missed out. I'm feeling a little FOMO here about it.

Shanna

I don't usually make you feel FOMO. Sorry, I just had to gloat for a second because usually you're doing so much fun stuff and I'm all jealous. But 100 percent, it ruins regular baseball. And look, I understand the rules of baseball. I appreciate the athleticism, the strategy. I personally don't mind sitting in a stadium eating snacks and like, you know, idly watching a game take a long time. But this is so fun. They change the rules so that it is so fast paced like Batters are not allowed to step out of the batting box, you know, there's no like practice swings There's no time for strategy none of the stuff that slows down a regular baseball game and They constantly play pumped up music and like 15 seconds of a song like the best part of a song they play it for a while I was like dancing in my seat the whole time because it's like oh, yeah the one you know, bit of a song I know.

And then like the next song, it was just pumped up action in between innings. There's like activities on the field. There was this one point where they're like, OK, here's the game. These three dads need to put their little kids inside of this trash bin and run around the bases and whoever gets home first wins. I mean, it's ridiculous. But just like pure entertainment. So anyway, that's what we did. It was at Petco Park, which is where the Padres play. So it was a, you know, an actual real stadium, which my girls have never been to a real stadium before. And they loved it. Loved it. I wasn't sure how they were going to be able to pay attention because I know it's fast paced. But still, you know, it's a couple hours sitting there between the music, the action, watching the jumbo screen, which is basically a screen which my kids love. It was just pure entertainment, so fun.

And I am so happy that we did it.

Laura

That's so amazing. And it's also a great reminder that San Diego exists. I mean, sorry, I'm not saying that. That sounds really bad for people. I know San Diego exists, but like exists as a really easy and fast place to go for a getaway. Like it's what, two hours away. I think my problem is that I would have to go to San Diego for like work events for a while because I worked for a company based in San Diego. And I did that and I did Comic Con a couple times. And both of those are like the wrong reason to go to San Diego, right? Like work and Comic Con. I mean, Comic Con is great, but like, you know, everyone in LA goes to Comic Con. So it took like four hours to get there instead of two and all this stuff. I like, I just need to go to San Diego for something other than an obligation, I think.

Shanna

Yes. We didn't have a lot of time to explore the city in general, but I would love to go back and do so. The neighborhood we stayed, which was near the stadium, is called the gas lamp quarter. And so it's a little bit of an older historic feel. Tons of restaurants stuff to do. Everything was walkable. We stayed at the Margaritaville Hotel, which was across the street from the stadium. Hilarious hotel to stay in by the way. It was like giant parrot statues everywhere. And it's so funny. Oh my God, a weird mix of boomers drinking cocktails by the pool and kids swimming and inner tubes. It was odd, but super fun and like within walking distance to everything. So awesome, awesome area. And I would love to explore San Diego more. Amazing. That's so fun. And again, I feel like my family is coming around to being better travelers together. And by my family, I mean my kids, right?

I struggled a lot to travel with my kids when they were younger. And it's this last year has been more enjoyable. These little road trips have not been so challenging. They've gotten along really well. And it's giving me hope that we can continue to travel and explore and do new things together as a family. So For those of you with younger kids who are like, ah, traveling vacation trips are so hard. I really think there's hope. There is hope for you. There's hope for all of us. I really want to take the train down there with the kids. Me too.

Laura

Me too. That would be so fun.

Shanna

All right, you're inspiring me. Do it, do it. And I think what we should do is move on to our next segment. I think you're right.

Laura

We are back and our special segment this week is, why is my kid crying? This is always a fun segment, but it is not a segment in which we make fun of our children. We like to bring up these anecdotes and stories to highlight challenges in parenting, but definitely not to make fun of our kids' emotions or make them feel bad about how they feel, because we would never do that. But there are some funny and relatable moments. that have come up in the segment in the past and I think today will be no different. Shanna. Yeah. We like to turn this into a little bit of a game, if you recall. Mm-hmm. So we tell each other the location and which child is doing the crying and you have to guess the scenario, all right? Yes. Okay, but for this first one, we're actually not going to play the game because this actually occurred on the day that we were sitting down to record an ad.

And I was like, before we record this ad, I got a vent about what happened in the carpool drop off line. And you were like, oh, cool. I got something to talk to you about too. So let's roll back that audio. So. I feel like this should be our like who like there should be a segment be like which child is more unreasonable like what I know it's like why is my kid crying but okay so today we're driving to school and everything's fine oh so sorry let me go back a little bit so. We're trying to get out of the house to get in the car to go to school. And we got the front door and the mailbox is like full of junk mail. And Sebastian was like, oh, mail. And I was like, yeah, yeah, it's all junk. He's like, can I have this? Can I open it? And I'm like, yeah, sure, whatever. It was like some triple A renewal thing I didn't need. And I was like, sure.

So he takes it, he opens it, like, let's open it in the car. He opens it in the car. He takes one of the random sheets of paper inside. Augie takes the other one. And they're just like talking about it like, oh, this says 10,000. No, this says 200,000. You know, they can't really read. So they're just like making up what's on it and just talking about it having a good time. It was cute. And we were like, everyone was fine. And then Sebastian asked for a pen. Well, he calls them pencils. Everything's about that. I want pencils. So I give him a pen because he wanted to like draw on it. And Augie was like, I want one. So I give him the other. I take a round in my console and find a pen that's completely covered in like crumbs of other snacks. So I'm like, here you go. So I give him that. And they're both happily just doodling away on it. And so then Sebastian was like, mommy, I need a sign.

And I was like, what do you mean you need a sign? He said, I need a sign. I'm like, oh, you mean you need to sign the paper? I'm like, yeah, just sign your name, whatever. Because I guess there was a spot where you put your signature. And Augie looked over. He's like, how come mine doesn't have anywhere for a signature? And I was like, I don't know. Oh, no. And he's like, Sebastian, you're not going to do it right. Let me do it. You're not going to sign your name right. And he's like, no, I want to do it. I want to do it. And Augie got like 100% fixated on the fact that Sebastian wasn't going to do it right and he needed to have somewhere to sign on his piece of paper. And I was like, and he's like, mama, do you have anything that I can sign? And I'm looking around. I'm like, fishing around. I'm like, well, there's this old visitor's pass sticker from your school.

There's a sign for, like, that says name and it's like signature on it. I handed it to him. He's like, no, this isn't right. And I'm looking around. I got one more piece of junk mail in here. Look at this. No, not where to sign. And he starts flipping out. I mean, like, mama, just take me home. Take me home before you take me to school so I can get something to sign. And I was like, oh, no. No. We're almost to school, right? And we're already late. I'm like, no, baby, I can't do that, right? And he's like, well, Sebastian, just give me that because I really need to sign it. And I was like, no, no, like he's any, you know, Sebastian. Bless him was oblivious, not oblivious, but just like, he's like, I'm not going to give this to you. This is my piece of paper that I'm doodling on, which more power to him, right? Yeah. But Aki is like, completely freaked out about this.

And he's like, give it to me, give it to me. And I'm trying to, I'm like, baby, let's listen to some music to just chill out or something. Like, well, I'll put on soda pop or something, which usually gets him out of it. I'm like, we need to think about something else. He's like, no, I can't think of anything else. So he is like getting all riled up. I put on soda pop. I'm trying to like move my shoulders to like get him to lighten up a bit when he screams bloody murder. I mean like at the top of his range, at the top of his lungs, just the highest pitch like.

Cause he was so frustrated and I lost it. I mean, I wasn't like yelling at him, but I got really stern and I said, Oh, no, we do not do that. Like you would do not yell like that when I'm driving. That is incredibly unsafe. Like I was, I was pissed, right? Yeah. And then he goes. I'm sorry, mommy. You don't love me anymore. And I was like, oh, good God. And I said, no, baby, I love you no matter what. But that was scary for me. And I'm trying to explain to him why it was scary as we're pulling up to the carpool line at school. And Like, I'm like, you know, I, you know, I love you no matter what, but it's my one of my jobs to keep you safe. And when you scream like that, I think you're in danger. And I was like, is this a big problem or a small problem, baby? He's like, it's a big problem. I'm like, well, let's ask our questions. Like, is your body safe? He's like, no, my body's not safe.

You're in it. I'm like, I, you know, this is in my mind. I'm thinking like, oh my God. But, you know, I'm like, well, it may not feel like your body's safe, but I can tell you it is like you're in your car seat, you are nothing is wrong with you right now. It's just your body making you feel like you might be unsafe, but you're not. And by that point, I had to get them unbuckled and get them out in the carpool line. Do you guys have a carpool line or do you walk them in?

Shanna

Oh, I do the car pool for sure.

Laura

Yeah. So there's like a time you can't dawdle, right? There's people behind you. You got to get these kids out. They already dawdle enough. You know, you're just like out of the car. And so I had to like leave him not knowing if I had like done enough repair, not knowing how he was feeling. You like it was just just was a very bad way to start my day.

Shanna

Yeah, that's so stressful. So did he hop out at the drop off and go in?

Laura

He did. He hopped out and went in. I don't know. But I like, like, should I message his teacher to be like, hey, we had a rough morning, you know, or just like, leave it be. So anyway.

Shanna

Well, I don't know the answer to that question, but I do know that you probably need to go print out a ream of documents with sign lines at the bottom so that he can do all his signatures after school. What do you think that's about with this with the signing?

Laura

I think he had some story in his head about what it meant, right? Like it was part of some imaginary game in his head. But what that was, I don't know. And why it was so important, I don't know. But he does this, he gets so fixated on these imaginary scenarios. And it feels to hit like, and I know, I can tell it feels so important to him. And I don't want to diminish that. But good God is like, you're looking at it from the outside and you're just like, So today's meltdown is brought to you by a piece of junk mail that you guys just discovered like what is even happening and like how am I supposed to predict that you know what I mean like you try to predict what you can to make it easier in the morning like okay you know we're definitely not doing iPad in the morning because we'll never be able to get off iPads to get to school time like that's predictable.

Not picking up a piece of junk mail from the mailbox as you walk out the door is not something I had on my radar as a meltdown causing incident for the morning.

Shanna

It's so true. It's so true. We get caught off guard so often even when we're trying our hardest to keep everything cool. I know.

Laura

Okay, so you had a meltdown this morning too, right?

Shanna

Oh my gosh, yes. Our morning went really well as far as getting ready and getting out of the house. And I thought we were smooth sailing. We got early to the drop off line. That's always my goal because otherwise the line is like down the street and you wait ages. Oh my gosh, we got there nice and early. We're rolling up. We're listening to music and we're all singing together, me and the girls. And across my mind, ooh, I should check in with Elle about this birthday party she has this weekend to see what her friend might want as a present so I can get on that task. Okay? I was like, oh, Elle, reminder, you've got Lily's birthday party this weekend. Do you know what she might like for her birthday? And she gave me an idea. And CeCe is like, but am I going? And I was like, oh, no, honey, I'm sorry. It's a Dave and Busters. They have a limited headcount.

So no siblings are invited to this one. I never get invited to the older kids. Birthday parties in L always gets invited to them. And then boom, just the waterworks. The dam broke. We are like six cars before the front of the line. I'm like, oh, god damn it.

Laura

We parallel mornings.

Shanna

Oh my god I'm asking an innocuous question to make our lives easier so I can get ahead on buying a present because it's always last minute It's always stressful. Nope. I made everything harder for myself by bringing up a situation that CECE felt absolutely jealous about turned it into she's never included She never gets to do anything. Even though I'm like, CECE, Elle didn't go to this birthday party with you. She didn't come to the play date with you this weekend. That's different. And just twisting it all around. We get to the front of the carpool line. Elle hops out. I'm like, okay, go on, honey. And CECE's like, no, I don't want to. I don't want to go to sleep. school and just refuses to get out of the car and everyone's backing up behind me. And I'm like, oh my God, right? So the pressure's on. And as soon as Cici feels pressure, she doubles down. That's her style.

So I'm like, oh my God. And so I'm like trying to gesture. There's a aid out on the sidewalk. And he's like, I can move this cone for you. You can go pull over to the side. I was like, thank you. After several minutes of holding up the line, so I pull up. And I'm trying to talk to her in the back seat. I'm like, you have to go to school. I have to work like i want to stay with you and i was like this is about the party isn't it how you feel left out she's like yeah i'm like well me and you can do something really fun this weekend while else at the party and i'm offering ideas i'm offering friends we can get together with at a certain point it just like nothing matters because she's so locked into. whatever her story is that she's telling herself, right? And the feeling bad and just like, I don't know, indulging in that feeling bad. She saw her friend walk by.

I was like, oh my gosh, it's your friend. You can walk into school with her. Just nothing. I finally get out of the car into the like walking into the front gate. We've got two minutes to spare. Elle is on the other side of the gate like, come on, come on. She just wouldn't budge. The bell rang. We're after the bell. I'm like, honey, I got to take you to the office. That's, you know, you missed it. You missed your chance. So we went into the office and the woman was like, how can I help you? I'm like, my daughter won't go into school. She's having a hard time. So I need to drop her here because it's past the bell. She's like, ooh, we're going to have to issue a tardy. I'm like, yeah, fine. Issue a tardy. Like, you know, I explained about the attendance policy, you know, recently. Tardy is the same thing, right? And I'm like, yeah, I'm sorry, I do not give two craps, right?

I've just spent 20 minutes trying to reason with someone who's having an emotional regulation problems. Give her a fucking Tardy. She's seven, six, she's not even seven, she's six. And so I was like, okay, yep, no problem. All right, give her a Tardy and CCLC later. And I left and I'm just like, same thing. Like I just laughed and I'm like, I don't know.

Laura

Hope she's okay. First of all, it's like, really, I mean, I get that you don't care and you're like, sure, give us the tardy. But also like, really, we've been here. Like if she was having this belt on in class, would that have been better? Yeah, which is annoying. But yeah, I mean, it's that thing where you're like trying to be emotionally supportive, but you also have to have boundaries and be like, well, you're at school, you got to go to school. Well, you know, like,

Shanna

And knowing the balance of what type of boundary or how you communicate it will either escalate things and make it all worse or not. I mean, I'm always playing that game with her in particular because her emotions get so huge. And I have to walk this, I don't know, tight rope of how to talk to her in those moments. It's very stressful.

Laura

Yeah, that is stressful. And also the, we've just run into this similar situation where it's like, Augie was finally invited to a birthday party that Sebastian couldn't go to. And Sebastian was really upset. And you know what's so funny is that I made the same mistake you did. And I brought it up, not a carpool line, but I brought it, I was like, I knew in the back of my mind, as it was coming out of my mouth, I was like in front of both of them. And I was like, I should really not talk about this in front of Sebastian. but then I'm like, how am I gonna, like it'll, it has to come up eventually. So I was just like, oh, you know, you're invited to this party. And Sebastian was like, I go to and I was like, oh no, honey, you know, this is just for the older kids lost it. I mean, but you know, he's also four, right?

Like, so we still expect big meltdowns at that age, but like with these six and a half year olds, it's like, I know that they're still little, but you're just like, okay guys, when are we, When are we going to start working on this emotional regulation? Like, when is that going to start kicking in guys? Because this is getting exhausting.

Shanna

Oh, it really is. And of course, it's the morning that I put on just the most ridiculous outfit, you know, just basically. out of my pajama drawer. My hair is basically like how I wore it to bed because I'm like pickup line. Yeah. I don't have to see anybody. No, I had to get on the car. I saw so many parents I know with me looking like a bed roller outer and like with my kid crying. I'm like, oh, hey, Josh. Hey, Paula. I was like, oh my God, of course.

Laura

Of course. That's that's how it works. That's how the universe works.

Shanna

Yep. Maybe I'll just start getting really fancy every day for Carpool Drop-Off. You know what I mean? Like the Murphy's Law. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like if I get ready to see people, everything will be fine. I won't have to see anybody.

Laura

It reminds me that I've recently taught Augie and Sebastian about the golden rule of restaurant dining, which is... What's that? So we were waiting for our food to come at in and out of all places, and they're like, oh, hungry, where's my food? And I was like, you know what? We have to go to the bathroom and wash our hands. If we go to the bathroom, our food will be here when we come back. And they're like, how do you know? Because it always happens. And thankfully it did. And they were like, oh my gosh, how did you know? I was like, it's cool. You go to the bathroom and your food will be there when you come back. It's the same with carpal drop off. If you get ready, you won't have to see anyone.

Shanna

Exactly, exactly. Oh my gosh, our kids. I love them. No, I mean, they're amazing. But sometimes mornings can be rough.

Laura

Yeah. And then you're gone from them all day, which, you know, in one way is good because you get to, you know, we both, we were going to come record and we were both like, we need a moment. We need to decompress. Like we both had rough mornings, but then you're just like, oh, normally if this happened on a weekend, you know, we could check back in and like 20 minutes and once everyone's nervous systems have calmed down a bit and like talk it through. And now I have to wait till the end of the day. And you know, I don't know, it's just it's not as perfect as one would hope to develop that emotional resilience and repair, but it happens when it happens, I guess.

Shanna

Yeah, that's true. And I do think they bounce back once they're in class and see their friends and their teacher and it's probably going to be a long forgotten memory for them. Hopefully. Yeah.

Laura

Okay, so that is what we recorded last time. But it was, I like pulled it out of the ad audio, first of all, because no one would want to hear an ad with that. But also because I knew that we needed to save it for AY's My Kid Crying segment. So there it is. There it is. But we have more. We have more to share with you. So here's my next one. Okay. Would you like to hear the scenario? Yes, please. Okay, it is 7.41 a.m.

on a Monday on the couch. And I'm looking at my phone with Sebastian. Hmm. OK. Why is Sebastian crying? Hmm.

Shanna

OK. So y'all are looking at the phone at 740 AM. And I think Sebastian started crying because you were showing him photos of yourself as a youngster, and he didn't recognize you. And I was like, that's not you. And you're like, no, it is nearly. He was like, no, it isn't. That's not my mommy.

Laura

That's what I think. No, not correct, although possible. He is very sensitive about stuff like that. Oh, really? You were right about looking at photos, but this morning we were doing what I like to call reviewing the dailies.

For people who don't understand that phrase, when you are on a set or you're filming a movie, when you watch the footage you got for the day, it's called reviewing the dailies or watching your dailies, right? And whenever we go over the photos we've taken recently, I'm like, oh, we got to look at our dailies. We got to review our life that just happened. And so we're watching our dailies on the couch. And we got to the birthday party that we had attended that last weekend. It was actually a birthday party. I took the boys to solo and we were scrubbing through all the pictures. And I didn't take that many pictures, but I did take some photos of the pinata because I like to take photos of stuff like that for the parents who are throwing the party because I know when you're throwing a party, You're so busy, right?

You have so much to do that I really appreciate when other parents send me photos they took during the party to coverage, if you will. I like to get coverage if we're sticking with the theme. So I had coverage of the pinata, but only while Augie was hitting it. And Sebastian was like, mama, why didn't you take pictures of me doing the pinata? And I was like, oh honey, Probably because something was going on, right? Like, I don't know. The answer is I don't know. Like, it was a water play party. So the ground was really muddy and kind of gross by the pinata. So I didn't really want to hang out there too long. It's just for whatever reason, I did not get a photo of him doing a pinata. Right. Well, this is not acceptable, Shanna.

He was very upset about this and starts sobbing like deep emotional, you know, just so, so upset and then starts demanding that I take him back to the friend's house so that he can do the pinata again so I can get pictures of him doing the pinata.

Shanna

Oh my gosh.

Laura

And then I had to explain to him that the piñata was no longer in existence and had been obliterated by a bunch of small children. And also we can't go over to his friend's house at 7.40 a.m. on a Monday to do an invisible piñata. And that was also not acceptable.

Shanna

Oh no. No, no, no. Oh, he had a plan in his mind and you were thwarting it.

Laura

He was so sad. And you know what? I realize now that probably the reason I didn't get him doing the pinata is that he was in a state during this party. It was like one thing after another for him. And it's because his sleep has been all over the place and he was super freaking tired. It was lunch time, which was nap time and all, you know what I mean? Like we don't nap regularly, but still everyone feels tired in the afternoon and he was just in a grouchy grumpy mood. And I think I had to carry him out of that party kicking and screaming. It was like one of those, you know? It was like every little thing was setting him off. And so I probably didn't take a picture of him because I was kind of over him. I feel bad saying that, but you know what I mean? Like I was like not in the picture taking mood by that point. I was dealing with having both the kids trying to figure out when to leave.

They kept, oh yeah, Augie at that party, even though it was an outdoor party kept running inside because he wanted to play with the kids toys. And I was like, it's an outdoor party guy, like having to go wrangle him a bunch of times. So yeah, I'm like, I didn't want to tell him the real answer was I didn't take a picture of you because I was like over life at that point and I was ready to go home and like hand them off to Cory and be like, it's your turn. Yeah.

Shanna

Yeah. Well, managing two kids at a party, it's a lot of sensory input. It's overwhelming. I don't blame you. I don't blame you.

Laura

Yeah. Yeah.

Shanna

But do you think his crying was stemming from like feeling left out? Like you took pictures of my brother, but not me. Like you love him more or more like, I just want to see a picture of myself hitting the pinata. And I can't do that right now.

Laura

I think it was both. It was both jealousy, like, how come you took this of Augie and not me? Like, you must care more about him. You know, that's the deeper feeling behind it. And also just like, how am I supposed to remember doing the pinata if I don't have a picture of it? You know, he's so values these pictures of things he's done. Like, we will go and just I'm sure you guys do this too, right? Like go back and just look at photos from years ago. It's like one of their favorite activities. And so I think he was just deeply sad that he'll never have that documented, that he did that pinata on that day. I will say I did take a lesson from it. And it's not that I was just getting bullied into taking more pictures by my kid. But like, I sometimes feel sheepish having my phone out taking pictures. I don't know about you. Sometimes, yeah. Yeah.

In the back of my head, I feel like, you should live in the moment. You shouldn't be taking so many pictures. I don't know. I just feel like there's some narrative of judgment that's internal that I've gotten from who knows where. I have theories of where I got it, but that's for my therapist, not for the podcast. I'm trying to be like, okay, I'm going to put my phone down. But honestly, my kids love looking at these pictures. I should be taking these pictures. So my lesson is just take the pictures. Don't worry about what other people think. Don't worry about judging yourself for not living in the moment. You don't have to have the camera out the whole time, but snap the pictures. Who cares?

Shanna

Absolutely. I feel that a little bit during CECE softball games. Either Steve or I will video her when she goes up to bat. And sometimes I'm like, oh my gosh, are people thinking like, oh, I like video every at bat, like it's too much or maybe I should just watch her blah, blah, blah. But I mean, she really loves watching them back, especially if she hits the ball off of a pitch, right? Yeah, that is so. awesome for her to watch back. And it's like, well, that's why we're doing it really, not because I need to go back and watch every at bat. It's like, on the off chance, we catch something great. We, you know, she had a double the other day. And I was like, oh my gosh, it was so exciting. I'm glad we have that on video.

Laura

It's also probably instructive for her to be able to see how she looks while she's hitting the ball and all that stuff.

Shanna

I think in theory, that could be something for some kids.

I know. I remember our old coach, Coach Rick. He would film his daughter and make her watch it back and show her and be very instructive about it. So I was like, wow, that's a great idea. I have never done that. But maybe I should.

Laura

Thank you for your reminder, Laura. All right. No, but seriously, you owe us another wise my kid crying.

Shanna

Yes, I have one more. But let's do it after the break. Ooh, good idea.

Laura

Okay, we are back and Shanna has one more. Why is my kid crying? Shanna, where did it happen? Who was it?

Shanna

Okay, this happened outside in our cul-de-sac on the sidewalk and CeCe is the one who was crying. Okay.

Laura

CeCe was practicing her scooter and she was sad because you live in a cul-de-sac and not a straight street that connects. And so she couldn't just like keep going and going and going with her scooter. She had to keep looping around and she found that very annoying.

Shanna

Oh, you got the scootering part right. Did it start with scootering? But no, my kids could scooter in circles around that gold sack all the live long day and they would be fine with it. They think it's great. Luckily for me. It was a reach. It was a reach. So the other day, Cici got her scooter out and started going down the cul-de-sac, and I was, you know, a little bit behind. And as I catch up to her, I see that she is off her scooter. She's on the ground, on the sidewalk, and I was, you know, like, oh no, is everything okay? So I go up to her. And she is looking in the parkway, you know, that like strip between where you park and the sidewalk. The neighbors have it landscaped with just a bunch of like river rocks about like two to three inches in size. They're not small. They're not huge. They're medium. And she's looking at them and I was like, what's going on?

And she picks one up and it's spotted, like black and white grayish spots all over. The rest of them are just pure gray, different tones of gray. So it's unique. She's like, I love this rock. And I'm like, yeah, that is really cool. That's super unique. She's like, I'm going to keep it. And I'm like, hmm. No, you're not going to keep it. That is their landscaping. I have to tell my kids about other people's landscaping so often. They love taking rocks, playing with rocks. I mean, it's happened so many times. So this is kind of just part of my repertoire now to be like, honey, I can't let you take that rock because that's their landscaping. They paid for those rocks. That's, you know, you don't want to take it. What if everyone took a landscaping rock? And she's like, but I really want this rock. And I was like, you know, just reiterating that I can't let her have the rock.

And she starts crying. And so I think fast and I'm like, look, we can come back and visit this rock anytime. It's right here. Just put it back in its spot. She's like, but what if somebody else takes it? And I was like, honey, and people don't make a habit of taking other people's landscaping rocks. Nobody's going to take this rock. But she's like, but it's so special. And I'm like, I know it looks special, but you can't. I can't let you take this rock. It's their rock. And she is baller. She doesn't want to leave it there. She doesn't want to visit it later. She doesn't want to do anything. And finally, I convinced her to put it back. And she tries to hide it. You know, she puts other rocks over it. So no one else sees it. Oh yeah.

Laura

So no one else could take the cool rock. Yeah, understandable. Exactly.

Shanna

She starts scootering away very slow, very dejectedly. Oh honey. And she says, I can't be me without that rock.

The drama. Oh my gosh.

Shanna

I know. I'm just like, oh, it's like so sweet and like just oddly sentimental. And I wish I could just give her the rock, right? Part of me is like, of course, rock. Like, what about just a rock? But I don't know. I'm stuck in this principle of like, let's not steal other people's landscaping, right? Sure. So I made her leave it there and she was very sad. She went home, continued to cry. The next day, she was like, can I visit the rock? I'm like, yeah, of course you can visit the rock. And we've visited the rock a couple of times and I don't know, it's been an emotional experience.

Laura

That is tricky because I agree. It's like, When my kids were little toddlers, toddling around, they would always want to pick up rocks. And usually the way I would dissuade them is like, oh, yucky, doggies pee on that, which is absolutely true. Like we have so many dogs being walked in our neighborhood. Yeah. But the desire to take home other people's landscaping rocks is strong. I get it. Part of me wants to come up with a solution and be like, well, find a similar sized and colored rock to replace it with.

Shanna

Yes, exactly. I think I even said to her, I'm like, I need to go to Lowe's, which is a hardware store out here. I'm like, maybe we could look at landscaping rocks there and you can pick one out of your very own. Like I was definitely trying to come up with solutions for to get this kid a pet rock. But yeah, she wasn't having it. She just this particular rock, she loves it.

Laura

That is so funny. I mean, she has a soul connection with that rock. She just can't be herself without that rock. I mean, yeah. How can you argue with that?

Shanna

I will say she's pretty much been herself since we left. Oh, really? Okay. I think she's back to herself.

Laura

False alarm. This does make me think that those are really good painting rocks, though. The way you describe them, like smooth and medium-sized. I'm like, ooh, those would be great to pick up and paint with some acrylic paint pens.

Shanna

Oh, they would be perfect. Perfect. I should just start doing that and putting them back into this neighbor's parkway.

Laura

Well, aren't you like redoing a section of your front yard? What if you get some of those landscaping rocks? Oh my gosh, that's a great idea. And then you can start painting them and replacing them and eventually you'll end up with like all painted rocks out there. That would be very much your vibe. I feel like having a million painted rocks as your landscaping.

Shanna

I love it so much. I can't wait for this to become my new obsession. Thank you. Maybe you guys can come over and paint rocks with us. We're not all like hand-painted by me, the adult and the family.

Laura

I would love that.

Shanna

It's more charming when they're done by kids.

Laura

Nah.

They're equally as charming when done by very enthusiastic, hyper-focused adults. Yes. But anyway, I'm glad we came up with a solution for us. I don't know if CECE is going to care about anything but that one rock, but parents can try.

Shanna

Indeed. Well, yep, that's it for me. Should we move on to our BFPs and BFNs? Yes, we should.

We're back and we wrap up every episode with our BFPs and BFNs. For the week, Laura, you're up first. What do you got for us?

Laura

I have a BFP. All right. So my BFP is that as everyone knows, my new potty training book Good to Go is coming out. We did a whole interview with Gia in the last episode. This is not news to anyone. However, what was news to me was that our publisher had quietly put up our book on a platform called net galley do you know about that galley no okay so i learned about net galley through someone who actually like pitched themselves to be on our show that's the first time i've ever heard of it it's a platform where you can sign up to read advanced copies of books. in exchange for a review, right? In exchange for an honest review. And it's also a way for authors to like send their books out in advance to people. These are all like Kindle or ebook versions, right? Oh, okay.

And our publisher hadn't said anything about Neck Alley, but because I knew about it and it was on my radar, I thought, oh, wait a second, maybe I should go check on it, right? Like I should go check and see if my book is on it. And lo and behold, our book has been on it for, I don't know how long. And my BFP is that we got a bunch of amazing five star reviews without even knowing it that just automatically popped up. I don't know if some of the reviews are from our listeners. I would imagine some of them are. So if that was you, thank you so much. But some of them are definitely just strangers who found the book and it's been so encouraging to see good reviews because so far this book has like really just been in our own heads, you know what I mean? And then like with a very small group of people who have read it. And it's so hard to know if what we were

trying to get across came across. You know how it is when you're writing something. It's like, by the end of it, you're like, I can't make heads or tails of this. I don't know if I'm just spinning my wheels. Like I just have to like step back and hope for the best. I'm way too close to it. I'm definitely way too close to the book right now. And I'm like, I don't know. I think it's good, but I would write. I would think it's good since I'm the one who wrote it. So getting some honest, like no strings attached external feedback for it that is so positive and glowing has honestly just lifted my spirit so much and made me reinvigorated for the promotion process of this book because You know, promoting your book can be a slog and it's just it's been a real roller coaster this whole thing.

So yes, I am just so happy that people took the time to give us five stars and write just so much nice stuff about it.

Shanna

Yay, that is a huge BFP. Do those reviews then go to a site that like consumers would use and see like Goodreads or Amazon or anything like that? Yeah.

Laura

So some do. It's really weird. I think it must be that if you have a NetGalley account and a Goodreads account and you somehow link them, then it goes to Goodreads because some of them are on Goodreads, but not all of them. So I don't really understand the process there. So there's a bunch more reviews on NetGalley than there are on Goodreads, but we have a couple that have trickled out to Goodreads. So that's good. Good.

Shanna

That's really nice. And it gives people confidence to buy the book, right? Who might not know you or Gia or, you know, just stumble upon it. Those reviews are so, so important. So I'm so glad that they've been rolling in.

Laura

Me too. And yeah, if anyone listening, I mean, by the time this episode comes out, the book will be out. So anyone who's gotten the book, please, please, please leave a review for us. It means so much. It's so helpful. I know we say this at the end of every BFP episode. And it's true for podcasts and it's true for books. People are more willing to take a chance on a book or a podcast just by seeing good reviews. So truly, if you are wanting to support me or the podcast, the best way to do it is by leaving a review. So please, please, please do that for the book. Please, please, please do that for the podcast. And know that we read all of them. Like people may not know that. Well, like Shanna, when we get a review for the podcast, we like do a little dance. We're like, yay, we We got a review. We're so happy. We don't just say we're happy on the podcast. We are super happy.

When we see them, we'll send a screenshot and be like, oh my god, new review. So we really, really appreciate it.

Shanna

Yeah, it means a lot.

Laura

Yeah. So that is my BFP, Surprise Five Star Reviews for my book. And everyone, order my book. Good to go. Fresh take on potty training for today's intentional parrot. Thank you so much. OK, that's the end of my plugs, I promise. Shanna. What do you have for us today?

Shanna

I also have a BFP. Yay. Yay. One thing we did in San Diego was suggested by Elle because as we were walking around the gas lamp district, going to lunch one day, she saw a place called the Museum of Illusions. Ooh. It did not even register on my radar. Like I missed it completely, but she was like, that place looks so cool. And I was like, yeah. That does look cool. Maybe we can go there tomorrow. You know, we had the game that night and we were going to go home on Sunday. Maybe we could hit it up before we go home. The next day, she had not forgotten about it. She's like, I really want to go to that museum. And I was like, all right, let me look into it. I looked into it. Tickets were fine, affordable. There was a slot that we could get in at like 10 a.m. So we spontaneously went over to the Museum of Illusions in San Diego and it was so cool. All it was was

different illusions, really, like pictures that you look at one way, you know, but then your eyes adjust and then they look a different way to full-on installations where you can take photos and like see yourself in a different way in the picture and like puzzles. It was really neat, really engaging. The girls loved it. I found it fascinating. I spent ages trying to put together these like little wooden puzzles and I don't know, it was just a really fun time.

Laura

I love an interactive museum like that. That sounds super fun to me. I also think it's so cool watching kids realize that our senses are all subjective, you know, and like the concept of illusions for kids is so interesting. Like, you can watch their synapses form, you know, when they're like, whoa, like, this is so cool. It's like a magic trick. So I bet it was really fun to watch their reactions to it.

Shanna

Yeah. One of their favorite installations was this giant life-sized pin board thing. You know, those like, I don't know, they've been around since the 90s, like little handheld rectangles and they've got all these like little silver pins and you push your hand into it and you can see the, your handprint kind of rise up. They had a huge life-size one of that. Oh my gosh. My gosh, they loved it. They were going behind it, putting their face in it, putting their butt in it and then coming around and seeing like the 3D image that had popped out and then they would erase it and go back. It was it was really fun. Very, very, very cute.

Laura

I want to do that now. I loved those pin board thing. Oh my gosh, the sensory input you get from putting one of those on your face. Like I can feel it right now. That's stayed with me since the 90s.

Shanna

Well, though, I was a little bit like putting their face in this giant thing that like literally everyone was putting their face into. But I'm like, OK, it's all right. Everyone will survive. It's OK, Shanna. We'll survive Pinboard 2025.

Laura

Yeah. Well, that's super fun. You've given me an itinerary for a whole weekend away now.

Shanna

Yes. Yes. You're welcome. I am now a travel agent, apparently. But yeah, that's it for me, and I think that's it for our show.

Laura

Yes, it is, Shanna. Another great one in the books.

Shanna

Yes, indeed. And listeners, as Laura mentioned, your reviews are so special and so important to us. So if you haven't had a chance yet, if you could please do us a favor, head on over to Apple Podcast, Spotify, wherever you listen. Leave us five stars, say a few things you love about this show. We might read your review on an upcoming coming episode. And if you have any, why is my kid crying that you want to share with us, please reach out. We love hearing from you. Laura, where can everyone find us?

Laura

We're on all the social medias at BFP podcast. We have a website, bigfatpositivepodcast.com. And if you want to send us an email, just send it to contact at bigfatpositivepodcast.com. And finally, if you want to join the coolest group of people on the internet, just search Facebook for BFP Community. It's a private group, so you got a request to join and answer the two membership questions so we know you're not a robot. But once you do that, you'll be sent straight through to all the amazing conversations we're having in there.

Shanna

Our show is produced by Laura Birek, Shanna Micko, and Steve Yager. Thanks for listening, everyone. Have a big, fat, positive week. Bye. Bye.

Toddler Meltdowns Over Inanimate Objects – Ep. 379

October 6, 2025

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Episode Transcript

Toddler Meltdowns Over Inanimate Objects – Ep. 379

October 6, 2025

Listen Now:

This episode's sponsors:

Whisker Litter-Robot

Once Upon a Dance

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Episode Transcript