Mom Anxiety and Letting Go of Perfect – Ep. 317

Shanna:
Hi. Welcome to Big Fat Positive with Shanna and Laura. On this week’s episode, we have our weekly check ins. We have our special segment, mom confessions, where we talk about gambling goofs, fashion faux pas, and more, and we wrap it up with our weekly BFPs and BFNs. Let’s get started. Hello, everyone. Welcome to episode 317. Hi, Laura.

Laura:
Hi, Shanna.

Shanna:
Hi. I hope you all are doing well, and I would love to know in detail what you all got up to this week.

Laura:
Well, we are fully into summer over here. And as a result, we decided that it would be prudent to organize our very first beach day of the summer.

Shanna:
Oh, nice.

Laura:
Yeah. So it’s been kinda cool up until basically this week. Right? Like, it’s hasn’t been a super hot summer so far. Yeah. It’s so funny. You posted some pictures of your trip to Universal Studios with the girls, and you guys were in sweaters and long pants on that day, if I recall. Yeah. It just goes to show how not hot it’s been.

Laura:
Yep. But finally, it’s been warming up. So my friend Carrie, who is a friend of the show, we had her on way back in the day, messaged. She now lives on the west side, and she was like, hey. You guys busy this weekend? You wanna do a beach day? And I was like, yes. I’ve been dying to do a beach day. Let’s do it. So we start planning the beach day.

Laura:
And instantly, I start having anxiety about it in a weird way. You know, I have this sort of internal identity where I’m like, I’m a chill person. I go with the flow. But this was definitely not reinforcing that internal, thing. And part of it is just the realities of trying to make plans with multiple people. So Carrie and I initially were like, okay. Let’s do Saturday.

Laura:
We’ll do Saturday early, get there early, whatnot. Right? At that very moment, we make the plans. My mom texts, and she’s like, I just booked a flight. I’m gonna get in at 11 AM on Saturday morning to Burbank. Oh. And I was like, oh, oh, okay. That’s fine. And she’s like, you can pick me up.

Laura:
Right? I’m like, well, okay. Yeah. We were gonna go to the beach, but maybe we can move it around. Let me see.

Shanna:

Laura:
And my mom was like, oh, well, I wanna go to the beach. And I was like, oh, okay. Well, maybe we can go in the afternoon. And I’m like, Carrie, can you go in the afternoon? She’s like, yeah. I think we can go in the afternoon. Let me figure that out. We’d go back and forth a bunch. My mom’s like, are you sure? I guess I could just take an Uber back to the apartment.

Laura:
And I’m like, trying to figure out if she really means that or if she’s just trying to get me to call her bluff. I don’t know. So I’m fielding text messages from both of them trying to figure this out. And finally, it’s like, okay. Yes. Carrie can do it in the afternoon. What we’ll do is we will just go pick my mom up and head straight to the beach on Saturday. I tell Cory this plan.

Laura:
He’s like, okay. You know, I feel kinda bad because I kinda tell Cory our plans half the time. You know? And I tell him this, and I could tell he was like, that seems like a bad plan. Like, the kids are gonna be in the car for a really long time, and does your mom really wanna go straight to the beach? I’m like, well, that’s the plan. That’s what we’re like. This is what we could figure out. Right?

Shanna:
Yeah. So is this the part you were having anxiety about? The figuring out the logistics?

Laura:
Well, it built. Right? Here’s the thing. So that’s just the beginning of it. I was like, okay. I the anxiety is the people pleasing aspect of me. Right? Because I wanna make sure Carrie’s helping me make the plans. My mom is coming in to town. I wanna make everyone happy.

Laura:
Right? I wanna make sure the kids are happy. I wanna make sure that they’re not in the car too long and that we get to the beach at the right time, all this stuff. And I was appeased because it took almost no time to sort it out. Right? It was like, okay. We figured it out. We came to a conclusion everyone likes. Until a couple hours later, when Carrie texted me and she’s like, I’m an idiot. We have a birthday party Saturday afternoon.

Shanna:

Laura:
I was like, oh, okay. And then she was like, how about Sunday? Well, Sunday morning, the kids have parkour class. I’m like, well, should we just go after parkour? Is that too much? Blah blah blah. But in the end, we were like, okay. That’s gonna be the best plan. Let’s go on Sunday. And this is also where my anxiety starts creeping in. It’s not just the people pleasing thing, but then it’s like, oh, if we don’t go to the beach first thing in the morning, it’s gonna be crowded, like super freaking crowded.

Laura:
Right? Yes. And, traffic’s gonna suck, and parking’s gonna suck, and then the kids are gonna be grumpy. And what about Sebastian’s nap and all this stuff. Right?

Shanna:
What beach were you planning on going to?

Laura:
Well, this was a whole other thing. Right? So we had all these concerns, but we all agreed, okay, let’s go Sunday after parkour class in the afternoon. Right? So then it came time to pick the beach, and we figured we would just pick the beach day up. Right? Steve and Carrie live really close to Manhattan Beach, so we’re like, maybe we’ll go there

Shanna:
or Redondo.

Laura:
But then as we’re driving over, 2 things happen. 1 is Carrie ends up having food poisoning. No. So she can’t come. So it’s just Steve, her husband, who’s actually my friend since elementary school. So I was happy to see Steve, but sad to miss Carrie, especially after she had done all this planning with me. Yeah. And Steve is like, well last weekend, we tried to go to Redondo, and we drove around for 20 minutes trying to find parking.

Laura:
So let’s go to Torrance Beach, which is a little further south, but it has a parking lot, and that should help. And we’re like, okay. We’re gonna do that. So we all pile in the car straight after parkour class. We go through the McDonald’s drive through so the kids can eat in the car. Sebastian literally falls asleep mid bite of a chicken nugget. So I’m panicked that he’s gonna choke. Right? Because I already don’t love them eating in their car seats because I’ve been warned by all the car seat safety experts that you’re not supposed to let them do that, but it’s also like, we live in the real world, and kids end up eating in their car seats

Shanna:
Yeah.

Laura:
In an hour drive to the beach. Right? So I just I don’t think I recognized it at the time. I’m talking about it in retrospect and realizing it, but my anxiety was just ratcheting up, which is partially why I was so concerned about Sebastian choking. Right? Like

Shanna:

Laura:
I feel like stuff like that really should be assigned to me, like a canary in a coal mine. Like, when you start worrying about things that you were really, really, really worried about postpartum, that when you look back, you realize weren’t as big of a deal that’s when Right. Maybe your anxiety is ramping up.

Shanna:

Laura:
Doesn’t help driving in LA traffic and all this stuff. We get all the way down to Torrance, not to the beach, but Torrance, the city. And Auggie’s like, I have to go potty. Okay. We’re trying to find somewhere to go potty. We’re in the middle of a bad cell phone reception area. Eventually, we found a Buca di Beppo that he ran into with Corey.

Shanna:
Buca di Beppo reminds me of our grad school celebration dinner that we did with your family and all our friends at

Laura:
Buca di Beppo. I know. I remember that. For me, Buca di Beppo, my strongest correlation is with the worst migraine I’ve ever had in my entire life. Oh, no. When I was living in Texas, I went to go see oh, I wish I could remember what movie it was. Oh, it was The Day After Tomorrow. Uh-huh.

Laura:
Okay. You know, apocalyptic action movie. Right? It was so loud, and I started to feel the migraine coming on in there. And then we had plans to go to Buca di Beppo for dinner afterwards. And it was everyone’s birthday in that Buca di Beppo. Okay? And they had a whole band I feel like they bring out for the birthday.

Shanna:
Oh, wow.

Laura:
And I just remember feeling like I was getting stabbed in the head by these, like stabs. There was a harmonica involved. I was just like, this is the worst experience of my entire life.

Shanna:
Yeah. Not even a family size lasagna can save that situation.

Laura:
I don’t know if it’s kicking to a lot, though. But, yeah, I let Cory run-in so I wouldn’t get triggered. But, it is just little things. Like, as I was pulling up to pick up Corey and Auggie after they were done going potty, they approached the car right as I was in the middle of a lane of the parking lot. And so then I was blocking traffic while he got buckled in, and I was like, why you know? And I was getting all agitated. I was like, why did you why did you come up to me? He’s like, why did you know, we’re all snippy. He’s like, well, why did you stop here? I was like, because you were walking up to the car. You know? Oh, gosh.

Shanna:
I know that stress of trying to buckle kids in when people are waiting for your spot or behind you. It’s just like, oh. So, yeah, I can relate to that for sure.

Laura:
It never feels longer than when someone’s waiting for you. So we carry on. We’re2 minutes from the beach. But our best laid plans of picking a beach with a parking lot, clearly and very quickly went downhill because there was a some kind of festival going on in downtown Torrance or beachside Torrance or whatever you would call it.

Shanna:
Oh, boy.

Laura:
Where they had all the downtown streets blocked off.

Shanna:
Oh, boy. Yeah. No.

Laura:
And, of course, all the surrounding areas were totally packed, and the beach parking lot was full. I ended up having to let Corey out as we were in a traffic jam. He grabs all the shit out of the trunk with the stroller wagon, gets the kids and my mom, and they go off to the beach while I circle for another 20 minutes trying to find parking. Oh, no. But here’s the point. As I’m ramping up with all this anxiety, I finally park and walk 10 minutes to get to the beach. And we got down there, and despite all of these inconveniences and stresses and whatnot, we had a lovely beach day. Good.

Laura:
Was it crowded? Yeah. Like, it was really freaking crowded. There were people everywhere. Was it a pain in the ass to get there? Yeah. It really was. But you know what? It was still nice. Like, it was still a beach day, and the kids had fun, and we had fun. And I just heard somewhere that so there was some study that showed that it’s peak relaxation to look at a body of water for 2 minutes or something.

Laura:
It was more relaxing than looking at greenery or something. I don’t know. It was a TikTok, so grain of salt. But I definitely felt that way.

Shanna:
Yeah. Well, especially the ocean with the sound of the waves. Yeah. Yeah. I love that.

Laura:
Yeah. So I really wanted to tell the story of our beach day to help everyone else remember what I had forgotten, which was it doesn’t really fucking matter. You know, all that other stuff, all the like, I I wish I could have just gone with the flow more and not been so caught up with worrying about making it perfect. Because not just was all the stresses, all the specific things, but I was also constantly worried about how everyone else was feeling. Like, is Corey annoyed with me for picking today to go to the beach? Is are the kids car sick, or is my mom gonna have a hard time sitting all the way in the back of the van? You know? Like, all this stuff, I’m like do we bring enough snacks? Is it blah blah blah blah blah? Just like, you know what, Laura? Chill the fuck out. It’s fine. You know? Like, just go with the flow. So, that was my big lesson of my first beach day of 2024.

Shanna:
Do you feel like the other adults in the scenario were going with the flow, or was there anxiety all around? Because sometimes I get this way where I’m kind of gripping onto this vision of what I want to have happen, and it’s not happening, and things are irritating me. And I’m just like, is everyone else chill? Like, Am I the only one here?

Laura:
Yeah. I mean, everyone else seemed chill. You know? I mean, at the very moment when we were trying to find parking, it was probably the peak of annoyedness. But no one was upset. Yeah. And maybe they just weren’t showing it. Maybe I I’d be curious to hear if Corey picked up on me being anxious or if it was all internal stress of stress of my own making. You know?

Shanna:
Right. Well, I hope you can remember that next time something like that comes up. It’ll definitely be good for me to remember that. You know what happens to me sometimes is that kind of pre anxiety about the logistics of things Yeah. Will often get in my way of even doing something to begin with. I think I was it a happier podcast? They were kinda talking about how a lot of people, especially after the pandemic, are kind of getting caught up on this not fear or worry. I don’t know. Just like this, oh, just thinking about the logistics of leaving the house and going somewhere.

Shanna:
And it’s like, once you’re there, it’s fine. And that’s like, oh my god. I relate to that so much. It’s like once I’m out of the house and doing something, I’m fine. But the thought of driving downtown or driving to the beach and all of it will kind of make this little storm in my brain that isn’t necessary.

Laura:
Yeah. And I find myself doing the same thing too. And I gotta say, the kids are a good motivator for being sucking it up and getting through it because you’re like, well, I gotta create this experience for the kids. But I definitely don’t have that experience with myself. Right? Like The stuff that I wanna do for me, I definitely talk myself out of it for those exact reasons. It’s too much trouble. How am I gonna drive? How am I gonna park? I’m gonna do that.

Laura:
You know? Let’s just stay home.

Shanna:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you’re right. The kids are good motivators because it’s like you wanna do something especially when you get them out of the house because otherwise, they’ll be on those screens all day. So gotta do something.

Laura:
Yeah. And, obviously, the kids love the beach. I mean, they just love the beach. They could live there. You know? And, yeah, there was not one ask to look at a phone or an iPad. They were fine. So Yeah. It was good.

Laura:
I will say I did have one massive mom win while I was there

Shanna:
Oh, yeah.

Laura:
Which was it’s windy. It’s always windy at a beach. Right? And as we were packing up to go, I didn’t even know what was going on. I was completely oblivious in my conscious brain, but I caught something out of the corner of my eye and just flung my hand out instinctively, and I caught a beach umbrella by the pole as it was hurtling towards Steve’s daughter.

Shanna:
Oh my gosh. What?

Laura:
I shutter to think of what would have happened if it had hit her because it was moving really fast. But I just boom. And everyone was like, woah. And Auggie was like, mama, how did you do that? And I was like, mama’s a ninja. Mama’s a ninja. And honestly for about 10 minutes, they were like, wait. Are you really a ninja? I was like, oh, you just saw me catch that. Like, they legit thought I was a ninja.

Shanna:
You made their day. Oh my gosh. Wow. That wind must have been blowing hard to blow that thing so fast.

Laura:
Yeah. A part of me thinks that each umbrella should just be not allowed. They’re super dangerous. Like, get a tent Yeah. Like everyone else.

Shanna:
Yeah. Get a tent and stake it into the ground.

Laura:
Ours has sandbags you fill.

Shanna:
Yep. That too. Yeah. Our ours has both.

Laura:
But, anyway, saving lives one beach trip at a time over here, Laura the ninja.

Shanna:
Good job, my friend.

Laura:
But, anyway, I’m hoping to have more beach days with less stress coming up. So I feel like we should plan 1, and we should do one super low stakes. Right? Like, just show up.

Shanna:
I love that idea. We’ve only been to the beach once this summer when we went down to Redondo and stayed the night. So, of course, that makes it easier because we’re right there. But, yeah, I would love to go back and get some beach time.

Laura:
Yeah. We should do it. But, anyway, that’s the haps for me this week. Shanna, what have you been up to?

Shanna:
Well, the haps over here is all about this new week of summer camp for the girls.

Laura:
Hell, yeah.

Shanna:
I think I’ve mentioned before that they’re doing their musical theater camp, which Elle has done a couple times in the past. That’s what they’re doing again this year. And so they started this week, and the show they’re doing is Frozen, Frozen Junior.

Laura:
What makes it junior? Like, what makes it less you know, Frozen’s so risqué.

Shanna:
I know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I do know that the director of these camps kind of tailors the scripts to create more roles for a lot of kids because there’s a lot of kids in these casts, and she wants every kid to have a part with a name and a line and all this stuff. So there’s definitely lot of parts added, but I don’t know if that’s what makes it junior necessarily. Who knows? Maybe it’s just the length. Could be. Could be.

Shanna:
It’s 1 hour. Nice and nice and quick. We love that. But it is it’s so cute and funny how all these parts get added to frozen. Like, the girls came home from camp the second day, and I was like, oh, you guys are auditioning for parts, And they’re like, yeah. And I’m like, well, what parts do you wanna try out for? And, of course, they both said Elsa and Anna right away. And then they’re like, princess Jasmine, princess Sofia, and I’m like, I think you’re thinking of the wrong show. And they’re like, no.

Shanna:
No. No. And showed me the script. And the director added9 little princess roles and named them Disney princesses so that they can feel special. You know, they’re 5 and 6, these little, little kids. So they get excited about being something they’re familiar with, but it has nothing to do with the show Frozen. But, anyway, they got their casting assignments, and Elle is going to be princess Jasmine, and CeCe is going to be princess Sofia. And they have their little lines.

Shanna:
They’re practicing and their dances and stuff. And

Laura:
What is wait. What is princess Sofia from?

Shanna:
I think it’s a Disney show. It’s like Princess Sofia of something or something. I’ll take your word for it. I don’t know. It’s not my wheelhouse, the Disney princesses. I don’t

Laura:
know. Okay. So princess Jasmine and princess Sofia, what do their roles entail?

Shanna:
I believe they have a scene where all the princesses come together and introduce themselves for some reason, maybe to Hans. I don’t know. And then when Elsa goes missing, all the little princesses show concern. So that’s an opportunity for each little princess to have a line. I think CeCe’s line is like, oh my, where did Elsa go? Or something like that.

Laura:
That is adorable. It’s not canon, but it is very cute. So are they enjoying this camp?

Shanna:
Oh, yeah. They come home very happy having done singing and dancing all day, For sure.

Laura:
And this is CeCe’s first time at this camp. Right?

Shanna:
Oh, yes. That’s right. It is, and she’s 5a half, which is younger than they usually allow in the camp. They the director allowed CeCe to come in because she’s a little sister of someone who’s done the camp a few times. So I would I would say she’s probably the youngest child in the entire show. It goes up to age 14.

Laura:
But she must be so excited because I know last year when she went and saw Elle’s performance, she was jealous. Right? Like, she really wanted to participate.

Shanna:
Oh, yeah. She saw Annie and sat in the front row and was so into it. So she’s really, really excited about doing this camp. And she’s been saying she wants to be a singer when she grows up. And so, yeah, she’s all about it.

Laura:
That’s great. So, okay, how long do they have to rehearse before the performance?

Shanna:
3 weeks. This director, she’s amazing. I don’t know how she whips these kids into doing a show in 3 weeks, but it it’ll happen. It’ll happen.

Laura:
Oh, okay. Well, you’ll have to tell us how it goes and, how princess Jasmine and princess Sofia fare in the Frozen universe.

Shanna:
Yes. I will for sure.

Laura:
I feel like Jasmine is gonna be poorly dressed for the occasion. Right? Like, it’d be pretty chilly

Shanna:
in her The crop top and the no sleeves. Yes. It’s gonna be very, very cold in frozen Arendelle. We didn’t think that one through.

Laura:
Well, she did expect summer. You know?

Shanna:
Yes. Exactly. But, yeah, that’s keeping us all busy, and I’m sure I will give some updates once they do their performance.

Laura:
As you should. But I do think for now, we should let it go. Let it go to the next segment we go.

Shanna:
Yes, I think we should.

Laura:
We are back and our special segment this week is mom confessions.

Shanna:
Mom confessions.

Laura:
And this is the segment where we tell one truth and one lie, where we confess to something we did as a mom that might be a little scandalous. Shanna, you are up first with your mom confession. What do you have for us?

Shanna:
Okay, Laura. Which one of these is the true mom confession? It’s been 3 months since I’ve washed my kids’ bedding, or I sent my 5 year old to school in a size 2 shirt.

Laura:
Can they both be true? Okay. Look. Those are both very reasonable. I must admit that I kinda take pee accidents at night as my sign to wash my kids bedding. It seems to happen at a regularly enough like it’s not often, but it’s enough that it’s like, I’ll just wait. So that seems totally plausible, the 3 month thing. But, also, I had to catch Auggie on his way out the door with Corey the other day because Corey had literally put him in a 2 t shirt. So both of these are true in my house for the most part, so I just have to roll the dice, flip the coin, and guess the shirt one.

Shanna:
You are correct. Okay. Yay. Now look, I said 3 months for these sheets. It’s you know, I’m not great with sheets. I will also admit that. You know, it’s I don’t even know. I don’t keep track.

Shanna:
I wash them when they seem dirty. But it was not the 3 months. It is the shirt situation. So the girls’ school recently had spirit day or whatever a different fun little activity every day to dress like. And one of the days was Star Wars day. And my family were just it’s not it’s not part of our world, really. Like, we don’t we’re not that into Star Wars. I liked it as a kid.

Shanna:
I appreciate it, but they’re not into that kind of thing. So it’s not like we have a lot of that stuff lying around. And so I didn’t even think they would really wanna participate in this. But CeCe’s TK teacher was making a big deal of it. So I guess she really loves that universe. They were preparing for it. She was telling them what was gonna happen that day. Oh, I think it was from May 4th, maybe.

Laura:
I was gonna say, it sounds like something from May 4th.

Shanna:
Yeah. I think that’s what it was. And so as a result, CeCe really was excited about it and really wanted to-do a Star Wars thing to wear to school that day. So the morning of before school is when she tells me this, and I’m like, oh. I don’t know, honey. And then I remembered that we had gotten some kind of Star Wars dress from a neighbor, like a buy nothing neighbor years ago. And I was like, oh, I think I might have that. So I ripped apart her closet looking for this old dress.

Shanna:
I was like, oh, I think I gave it away already because we never wore it. And then I got a spark of memory of, hand me down t shirt that has been around the house maybe since Elle was 2. I think it was a hand me down from our friend Jen. Anyway, I was like, oh, I think that might be somewhere. So I’m digging in bins of clothes I’m ready to pass on, and I find it. I’m like, yes. And it’s really cute. It’s got all the little characters.

Shanna:
I won’t even attempt to try to name them, and it says born a rebel on it. So it’s really cute. Yeah. And I was like, oh my gosh. It’s perfect. And then I look at it. I’m like, oh my god. It is so tiny.

Shanna:
It is so tiny. And I look at the size and it’s 2 t. And I’m looking at CeCe, who’s like 5a half now. I’m like, oh, I don’t know. You know, it could be a cute tight tee. So I’m like, here, put this on a crop top. Yeah. Exactly.

Shanna:
A little crop top. And so I put it on, and I was kind of cringing, and I’m like, what do you think? She’s like, I love it. And I was like, perfect. Bye. Go to school. So it was no big deal at school or anything. She didn’t care, and she got to participate in the day. But I felt a little embarrassed putting that size 2 shirt on my big kid.

Laura:
That’s really funny. Well, at least you did it intentionally. I swear all the time, I think there must be something about you know, you hear about-face blindness or people are now talking about eyebrow blindness. What?

Shanna:
You haven’t heard about eyebrow blindness? No. What is that?

Laura:
You’re clearly not on TikTok all the time like I am. It’s this it’s this new trend that’s people are claiming that people have eyebrow blindness so that they don’t have awareness of how bad their eyebrows look, basically. Oh, well,

Shanna:
that’s why I don’t know what it is because I have it. I mean, I’ve had it my whole life.

Laura:
Okay. Your eyebrows look beautiful. I think it’s something for our younger generation. My eyebrows are just the way they are, and they’re not gonna change. But, I think this is all with all love to my husband, but I do think he has clothing size blindness. He is constantly and it doesn’t help that our boys are the same gender, like the same thing. So, yeah, we have we have Star Wars shirts, every size from 6 months to6 now. Right?

Shanna:
Right.

Laura:
And it’s hard for him to remember what’s what. But I can’t tell you the number of times he tries to put3 t shorts on Auggie, and I’m like, dude, look at look at the he’s like, well, how was I supposed to know? I’m like, you look at the tag.

Shanna:
How was I supposed to know? Like, it’s the world’s biggest mystery.

Laura:
Yeah. And I understand that sizing is BS. Like, it’s so weird how I the other day, I got some new shorts at Costco for Sebastian. They’re Paw Patrol set, and we sent them to swim class with us. You know, we’re just like, oh, we’ll take them. Tried to put the shorts on. They’re 4 t’s. He’s 3a half.

Laura:
And they were falling off of him. And so I told Cory, I’m like, will you bring some other shorts? Because we were heading out somewhere right after. So we meet him at the car, and he brings other shorts. And he’s like, well, these are also 4 t. I’m like, yeah. But those are the 4 t that fit him. These are the 4 t that don’t

Shanna:
fit him.

Laura:
He’s like, okay. Whatever. So granted, it might be like he’s just given up because it’s useless. Yeah. But, yeah, I feel like we should send you some of our Star Wars stuff for next year. Like, I should put a calendar alert.

Shanna:
Yes, please.

Laura:
For May you know, let’s just say April 25th, so you have a good leeway, and I’ll just make sure you have a Star Wars shirt for each girl.

Shanna:
I would love that. Yes. Thank you. Alright. That was my first one. What’s your first mom confession?

Laura:
Okay. Did I bring my 5 year old to a gambler’s den of inequity, or did I teach my 5 year old how to cheat at poker?

Shanna:
Oh my. Let’s see. I cannot wrap my head around what kind of gambler’s den of inequity you would have taken your child to. Like, some backroom at a speakeasy or something. Cheating at poker. Maybe we’re showing him how to keep a card up his sleeve or something, to play trick on his friends. But I really wanna know about this vague one, this number 1. So I’m gonna go with that one.

Shanna:
You are correct. Oh, okay. I can’t wait to hear the details.

Laura:
I have to say it was unintentional. It’s not like I knew that’s what I was going to. It unintentionally brought my 5 year old to be exposed to this. Okay. Okay. Here’s what happened. Have you ever heard of the app Too Good TO Go? No. Okay.

Laura:
So it’s an app where you can get alerts when restaurants around you have extra food that they will have to throw out at the end of the day, but it’s still perfectly good food. So, basically, it’s for $5, you can get our leftovers at the end of the day or whatever. It’s like a way to recycle or it’s a way to reduce waste and also get inexpensive food. It’s actually pretty cool. Awesome. I’ve gotten some good stuff off of there. And I saw that there was a local donut shop that was on the way back from Auggie’s school, that had a deal. And I was like, you know what? The boys love donuts.

Laura:
They were on a donut kick at that particular time where they wanted to go get donuts after school every day. And I was like, you know what? Let’s save some money. Let’s just go to this place, get our $5 bag of donuts, and go. So I picked up Auggie that day, and I think Corey was picking up Sebastian. So it was just the 2 of us. And I was like, oh, let’s go on a little adventure. Do you wanna go get donuts? And he was like, yeah. Donuts.

Laura:
And I was like, we’re gonna go to a new place. And he’s like, no. I like our place. I’m like, no. We’re gonna go to a new place. It’s gonna be exciting. And he’s like, why? I’m like, because it’s cheaper. Like, it’s gonna be an adventure.

Laura:
So we drive to this place, and it seems like a pretty normal donut shop from the outside. I unbuckle him. I take him in. And as I walk in, I notice that there’s a lot of just men middle aged to older elderly men standing around, staring at some TV screens on the wall. And I was just like, okay. Whatever. You know? Like, I don’t know what’s going on here. But I walk in, and I’m like, oh, we have a 2 good to go.

Laura:
And she was like, okay. One second. And meanwhile, she’s dealing with all these men who keep coming up to the register. And it turns out what they’re doing is buying keynote tickets, like lottery tickets. Okay. They have a live keynote game going on. And for those who don’t know, it’s kinda like bingo. I mean, I don’t really understand the rules, but it’s like they live pick numbers.

Laura:
And if you pick the right numbers, you win or whatever. Right? And more men came in and men came and left, and then I noticed that there were3 giant lotto vending machines also. Uh-huh.

Shanna:
And I realized that this place was like a hub for the California Lottery. Right? Okay. Is the Keno thing associated with the California Lottery, Or is it like, Yeah.

Laura:
It’s like a California Lottery thing.

Shanna:
Oh, okay. But what

Laura:
I realized is these men, I think, spent all day there. They all knew each other, and they were you know, going out for smoke breaks and coming back in. And I was like, oh, okay. So this is like a gambling hall. Like, this is where people come to do their lotto. And I’m not gonna pass judgment on that. It was just it was clearly a hobby. Like, it was clearly a thing that was going on all day every day at place.

Laura:
Right?

Shanna:
Fascinating. I had no idea things like this existed.

Laura:
Yeah. Me neither. But it was exclusively men, some of them looked a little rough around the edges. But everyone was perfectly nice to us. Right? But I thought, okay. Whatever. No problem. We’ll just get our donuts and go.

Laura:
And to be fair to this donut place, they got a shopping bag, like a paper grocery bag, and filled it to the brim with donuts. Okay? Wow. Was a very good deal, donuts. Wow. So we got all our donuts, and I’m like, okay, Augie. Let’s go. And she’s like, no. I wanna eat it here.

Shanna:
Of course.

Laura:
And there are a couple little tables, but clearly, the tables werefor specific guides. Like, I could tell they were this is my table. But this one guy’s like, it’s okay. It’s okay. You sit here. And I was like, oh, oh, okay. So we sit down at this place. These men are cheering orgetting mad because they didn’t get their numbers and stuff and then going up to cash in their tickets and get more.

Laura:
Meanwhile, Auggie is absolutely housing 2 gigantic chocolate what are they called? Chocolate, bars. Like, chocolate donut bars. Uh-huh. Like, his face is completely covered in chocolate. And these guys are kinda laughing at him. They’re like, wow. He was hungry. I’m like, yep.

Laura:
He was hungry for dogs. Like, yep. And Auggie’s like, what are they doing? And I’m like, well, they’re just playing the lottery. And they was like, oh, I wanna do the lottery. And I was like, okay. We can get a scratcher. Right? So I went to the machine and got a scratcher. And we had tomorrow a coin from one of these guys.

Laura:
We’re trying to do a scare scratcher. All these guys are looking at us, and I was just like, oh my god. This is not the wholesome afternoon I thought it was gonna be.

Shanna:
Yeah. That afternoon took a turn. That is so funny. Did you win anything on the scratcher? No. Were you tempted to play keno at all?

Laura:
Oh, totally. Because I you know, the whole point of gambling is that it’s kind of addictive. Right? And so I was just like, oh, could I win money? I did end up buying a Mega Millions ticket, which also I did not win. Aw. So, yeah, it was overall a loss. I also now understand why this donut shop does too good to go. It wasn’t like yesterday’s donuts. They just gave me fresh donuts out of the thing, but it’s probably because they make money off of the lotto.

Laura:
You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. So, anyway, I definitely felt a little sheepish. Auggie didn’t seem like he really knew what was going on, and we emerged unscathed except for a few dollars in scratchers that we lost. So, yeah. But, yeah, that’s definitely not how I thought my afternoon would go.

Shanna:
Oh my gosh. So were these guys eating donuts? Are they also patronizing the shop? No. No. They’re just they don’t employ Lotto. Yeah. Yeah. What a what a what a what a culture I did not know existed. I’m fascinated.

Shanna:
I’m wonder if anything like that goes on at the donut shops near me.

Laura:
There’s only one way to find out, Shanna.

Shanna:
I guess so. I know what I’m doing this afternoon.

Laura:
Just bring your children. Anyway so, that was my first mom confession. Shanna, do you have one more for us?

Shanna:
Okay. I do have one more mom confession, Laura. So you tell me which one of these is true. Okay. I bought clothes for myself from the kids section at Target, or I left the house smelling like pee.

Laura:
G. Okay. So it’s easy to leave the house smelling like pee when you have cats and dogs and children, because you didn’t specify what kind of pee. So it could have be all kinds of pee. But also, it could be multiple species of urine actually at the same time. And your last one was about clothes, but I will say the kids section in Target is so superior to the adult section. And I could see you fitting into something from there. So I’m gonna go with the kids’ kids’ clothing.

Shanna:
No. You are incorrect. Although, I have been tempted. I’m like, I could fit in the, I don’t know the big teen size, right, of a t shirt or something because those clothes are so cute. I get so jealous every time I buy my girls something there. I’m like, and I might still do it. I might still do it. Obviously, it’s on my mind.

Shanna:
Right? Because I wrote it for this.

Laura:
You reserve that right for the future.

Shanna:
Yes. Exactly. No. I did leave the house smelling like pee. Cool. Human pee.

Laura:
Human pee.

Shanna:
That’s better than khaki by

Laura:
a lot.

Shanna:
Yes. And I do feel like this is rare for me. I know you’re like, oh, there’s so many opportunities to leave the house smelling like pee as if my world is just like floating like, as if I’m just floating in a fishbowl of urine all the time over here.

Laura:
Saying you’re always doing it. I’m just saying that there is there’s realities. There’s multiverses where this happens all the time. Right? Like, you have you have the opportunity, just not you know, you haven’t taken advantage of it quite yet until now. So tell me all about it.

Shanna:
Right. And this kind of thing is a lot more common when you have babies and much younger children. So this one really caught me by surprise. The other day, we’re all getting ready to go to school. I have to drop the girls off, and we’re running late as usual. So I grab a shirt and shorts from my dirty clothes bin as you do. I’m not great at laundry. Sorry, folks.

Shanna:
So, I throw this outfit on. We hop in the car, and we’re driving. And the whole time we’re driving, I’m like, man, something really smells like pee. And so I’m like, oh my god. Did the girls pee in the back seat? Did someone, like Yeah. Have an accident? Did a cat get in the car? My mind is going through all these scenarios of why it smells like pee inside of my car. And I dropped the girls off. Thank goodness it was a drop off line instead of having to walk up and bring the kids.

Shanna:
So I’m like, bye. And I drive away, and it is killing mewhy this car smells like pee so bad. And then it dawned on me that I was the reason that it smelled like pee. It was me. It was not anything in the car. And the reason it happened is that the day before, CeCe had a very rare accident. Like, she does not have accidents anymore. I don’t even remember what happened exactly, but she did have an accident and upset her so much so muchshame andjust sadness that this was happening.

Shanna:
And so I immediately picked her up and sat her on my lap and just hugged her and comforted her. Meanwhile, my whole outfit is you know, gettingsoaked because she’s wet. Yeah. Yeah. But I didn’t care because it was a mama moment, and I was giving my daughter comfort. Right? And so I helped her feel better. And so she calmed down. We changed her nose.

Shanna:
Like, oh, I should probably change my own clothes. I took those clothes off, and where did I throw them? In the dirty clothes bin. What clothes did I pick up the next day to drop off my kids at school? Those clothes.

Laura:
Thank goodness you noticed in the car. I will say that our listeners who don’t have kids, you may be horrified to hear this, but as a parent, you are so blasé about having pee in and around you. Like, right like, there’s just pee in your life, and you get so used to it. And it’s like you get so used to it as babies and toddlers and then you’re doing potty training and you’re you know, never in your life would you think you would be so casual about walking across your house with a bowl full of pee and plopping it in the toilet once you potty train. Yeah. And so when it get when your kid gets to be 5a half and they have a rare accident and they have pee on them, you just I mean, you probably did not even think twice about giving her a hug. You’re like, it’s pee. Who cares? Yeah.

Shanna:
Yeah. It’s like, come here, my honey. It’s okay. It’s okay. Like, that was all that mattered in that moment. I mean, I definitely felt it and was like, oh, I wish I weren’t feeling it, but my honey, you know. Yeah. Yeah.

Shanna:
That’s how it happens. That’s how it unfolds,

Laura:
folks. Yep. You get very immune to caring about it. But, yeah, this might be a good sign to just next time something like that happens, you just put it straight into the wash. Right? Like, straight into the just the drum of your washing machine. You don’t have to start it.

Shanna:
Oh, that’s so smart. That’s so smart. That’s so smart. That’s gonna be my new MO. Oh my god. Thank goodness I didn’t go anywhere after that. Anyway

Laura:
And also thank goodness it was human pee and not cat pee because cat pee is 5,000 times worse.

Shanna:
Yeah. Yes. Exactly. There are positives to that scenario. Alright, Laura. You, I hope, have one more mom confession for us.

Laura:
I do, but I’m thinking let’s take a break, and then I’ll come back with it.

Shanna:
Okay. We’re back, and Laura has one more mom confession for us. Okay, Laura. Give me the 2 options.

Laura:
Okay. Did I expose my 3 year old to a gory horror audiobook, or did I explain the plot of The Shining to my 3 year old? Your 3

Shanna:
year old. Okay. I wonder I could see Auggie being curious about the plot of The Shining and wanting to know what that’s about. Sebastian, I don’t know. I don’t see him asking about that, maybe. But exposing him to a gory audiobook, that also doesn’t sound like something you would listen to because I know that’s not really your thing. Oh, this is really tricky. Okay.

Shanna:
I’m gonna go with The Shining.

Laura:
You are correct. Oh. Although, I did almost do the first one. Okay. So I as you mentioned, I am not a horror audiobook type of person. However, I broke that rule because I had heard great things about this book called The September House, and I also heard it wasn’t actually super scary. Like, it wasn’t gonna keep me up at night. So I gave it a try, and I really liked it, actually.

Laura:
I thought it was really good.

Shanna:
Oh, I’ll have to put that on my, listen list or read list.

Laura:
Oh, yeah. I think you would like it. It’s really interesting. I’d love to talk to you about it, after you’re done. Okay. But one of the cool features of my new minivan is that it has wireless CarPlay, so I don’t have to have my phone plugged in to get the whole CarPlay display which is the Apple version of, like it’s like the Apple interface for a car. Right? So, usually, I just jump in the car. It automatically turns on, and then sometimes it automatically starts playing whatever I’d been listening to.

Laura:
And, thankfully, in this particular instance, I was with Corey. So I jumped to the car, and he was buckling the kids in. And I heard the audiobook start up and be like it was starting to get into a really gory thing, and I was like, nope. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

Shanna:
Because if

Laura:
I was buckling them in, it would have been like, okay. You guys get to ask, what is dismemberment? So Oh. No. So that was an ear miss, but I did not actually expose them to it. No. Okay. Sebastian is almost 3a half, and he’s freaking adorable. And he’s also kind of annoying right now because all he does is ask the same questions over and over and over.

Laura:
For instance, he’s always asking, what’s your favorite color? What’s your favorite color? And we’re like, we’ve talked about this 5,000 times. Like, can we can we let it go? But That’s a question, right, that he’s asked. And then not that long ago, I can’t remember why the concept of scary movies came up, but probably because we were scrolling around on Disney plus or something and we weren’t on the kids’ account, and he saw something. He’s like, is that scaly? And we’re like, yeah. That’s too scary for you. We’re not gonna watch that. Right? So he understands the concept of scary movies. So he started asking me, what’s your favorite scaly movie? What’s your favorite scaly movie? And the first time he asked, I did not think through the repercussions of telling him the truth.

Laura:
Right. So I just said, oh, it’s a movie called The Shining. And he go and that and that first time, he just let it go. 2nd time, what’s your favorite movie? And I was like, oh, it’s The Shining. The Shining. What’s it about? And I was like, oh it’s about some people who stay at a hotel, and it’s scary. Okay. That then he was fine with that.

Laura:
3rd time, what’s your favorite scaly movie, The Shining? What’s it about? Some people will stay at a hotel. What happens? Oh, some scary things happen. Like, what scaly stuff? Oh, no. Okay. And every time soI haven’t explained him the flaw in one sitting, but every time he wants more, right, he wants more elaboration. So he’d be like, why are they at hotel? Why are they at hotel? Why can’t they leave? What kind of ghosts? Are there ghosts? Are there monsters? What kind of ghosts? How does it end? And I’m just like, oh my god. So in the course of a couple months, I’ve ended up having to explain to him multiple times a very watered down version of The Shining. But he’s like but he’s like, how they get away? And I’m like, well, they got away.

Laura:
They go, don’t worry. They got away, and they’re fine. How they get away? On a snowmobile. Like, you know I’m trying to be as vague as possible, and he keeps drilling me for more information. Wow. And I feel like one day, he’s gonna go to preschool and tell his teachers the loose plot of The Shining, and someone’s gonna think that I’m showing him The Shining.

Shanna:
Oh, it sounds like he has enough information at this point to do that. I mean, you haven’t taught him to say bread rum or anything like that. Right?

Laura:
I have not. No. I have not. Although that is tempting because it would be cute and funny, but I do think I should probably stop before I do that.

Shanna:
Oh my gosh. Did does he wanna watch The Shining, do you think?

Laura:
I don’t know. I mean, I think he’d be scared. He knows he’d be scared. Like, he hasn’t asked to watch it, but he does want to know all the details. Yeah. And I we haven’t even shown him the lion king because it’s too sad. You know? I don’t know what to say about his obsession with shiny.

Laura:
He is obsessed with Halloween and ghosts. I mean, all he wants to do is watch Nightmare Before Christmas and Oh my god. About Halloween and stuff. So I’m sure it has something to do with that. And he hears ghosts, and he probably thinks the cute Halloween ghosts, not like the scary twins at the end of the hallway.

Shanna:
Yes. Yes. Exactly. I always have to remember what are the images in their little brains that are playing when we talk about stuff. It’s Yeah. Something a little white thing with big eyes boo, not gallons of blood rushing down a hallway.

Laura:
Yeah. And I was traumatized by The Shining. Despite it being my favorite scary movie, it’s probably because I watched it too young, and I watched it with my friend Danielle while we were snowed in in her cabin in Montana. Oh, that’s nice. Like, really on the nose. We watched it in the basement of her cabin, and we had to go up this narrow hallway to get to our bedroom at the end of the night1 AM by ourselves. We were probably 13, I wanna say. We were almost crying because we couldn’t we were like, how are we gonna go up the stairs? We were freaked the f out.

Laura:
So Yeah. I don’t wanna I don’t want them to repeat that.

Shanna:
So Yeah. No. No. No. Yeah.

Laura:
But it is cute, to hear him go, the shiny? Why the shiny? What happens?

Shanna:
Oh, my word. I love it.

Laura:
But that is it for my mom confessions. You got mine all right, which congratulations.

Shanna:
Well, thank you. But do

Laura:
you think it’s time to move on to our BFPs and BFNs?

Shanna:
Oh, yes. I think we should. We wrap up every episode with our weekly BFPs or BFNs. And Laura, you are up first. What do you got for us?

Laura:
I have a BFP. Alright. So my BFP is a great alternative for us for when we don’t wanna have a stress inducing trip to the beach, which takes a lot of time and is not like a quick jaunt. But my BFP is that the Glendale parks and recreation department has a bunch of free wading pools for kids under the age of 8, that they have on a rotating schedule all around the city. And that’s my BFB is the specifically, the Glen Oaks Park Wading Pool in Glendale. Okay. They have they’re these little shallow I wanna say I don’t know. They come up to maybe my shin

Shanna:
deep

Laura:
Wading pools that they fill up on a schedule. Like, they you know, I the one I go to is Mondays Sundays, right, or something like that. And then they have other ones that are Tuesdays Fridays, and you have to look on the website to get the schedule. But they’re great because they’re just for little kids, which is really nice. It’s nice to have places that you can just take your little kids and not worry about big kids basically bowling them over. Right?

Shanna:
You

Laura:
know, and you’ll go there and there are little babies little toddlers all the way up to 8 year olds hanging out in there. And they’re also like, no one’s checking IDs at the door. You know what I mean? So it’s fine. But it’s such a nice, refreshing thing, and the kids love it. They go nuts. They get so much energy out. They love splashing around. They have other kids to play with.

Laura:
You know? Like, Auggie goes and makes friends with other little kids, and they just wait around this pool. For Sebastian, he comes up high enough that it’s kinda hard for him to walk around, and Auggie can kind of swim in air quotes in it. Right? You know? Like, he can float on his stomach. And we’ve just been doing it as much as possible, and it’s been a really great addition to the summer. So That’s so cute. If your town or city has wading pools, you should look it up because it’s been a really nice fun thing to do. And it’s different than a splash pad. Like, the water’s not going up.

Laura:
Right? It’s just like a little pool.

Shanna:
Oh, okay. So there are no splashy elements to it?

Laura:
Not at this one. No. It’s literally just a wading pool every once in a while. Oh, and they have lifeguards, which is cool. Even though it’s a couple inches of water, it’s nice to show they care. But the lifeguard also goes and tests the water and will add chemicals and stuff and make the kids get out for 10 minutes while the chemicals work and stuff. So it’s actually kept up. It’s not gross.

Shanna:
Oh, well, that’s good. That’s good. Does Sebastian wear a floatie in there, or can he be without it?

Laura:
Oh, no. No. No. I’m gonna send you a picture so you can get an idea. But it’s yeah. No floaties needed, which is also nice because it just feels safer than having to worry about him in a deeper pool

Shanna:
too. Exactly. In a deeper pool, they have to have a float here or an in a pool too. Exactly. Deeper pool, they have to have a float here or an adult kind of holding them or near them. So that’s awesome.

Laura:
Yeah. Exactly. If they sit up, they’re out of the water in this pool. So Yeah. You know, it’s fine. Very cool. But, yeah, we love it. So that is my BFP.

Laura:
Shanna, do you have a BFP or a BFN?

Shanna:
I have a BFP. Okay. And it is also pool related because it’s summer, baby. And it’s just that we set up the little above ground pool in our backyard.

Laura:
Oh, yay.

Shanna:
Yay. It’s a8 by 6 above ground pool. It’s intact. You know, we got it a couple years ago, and the girls beg me from April on to set this thing up. And I’m like, it’s so cold. No. Yeah. So finally, it’s getting hot enough that I can put it up, and I put it in a new spot in our yard.

Shanna:
Because last year, I put it on the west side of our backyard, and it was pissing me off because the gardener at our neighbor’s house blows her backyard every week, and she doesn’t have grass. She doesn’t have plants. I don’t know why he does it. It’s a dirt yard, basically. And dust just billows over and onto the pool and into the pool, and it’s just disgusting. So I’m like, I’m doing a different spot this year.

Laura:
I hate leaf blowers. I hate them with all of my soul. I really do.

Shanna:
Yes. And it’s not much better with the neighbor on that side. I put it on the east side of the yard. But at least it’s like the you know, they don’t just have a dirt yard.

Laura:
Yeah.

Shanna:
Yeah. So, anyway, we’ve got a better spot. The girls absolutely love it. We got some new floaties at 5 Below, and, we’re yeah. We got our swim on.

Laura:
Where’s my invite to come over?

Shanna:
Oh, I’m sending it by carrier pigeon. It hasn’t made it yet.

Laura:
You should check all that pigeon. I

Shanna:
I really should. It’s been a few weeks. I don’t know. I don’t know. Come on over anytime. It’s so fun. We’ll have a little backyard barbecue party.

Laura:
Yes. They’ll be officially summer then. Yeah. Well, that’s so exciting.

Shanna:
Yeah. Do you ever get in

Laura:
or just the girls?

Shanna:
I do get in mostly because they beg me, and I’m like, fine. The first day we filled it up, it was great because the water was kind of warm. You know, when it sits overnight, it get the temperatures drop and the water gets colder. So it’s harder for me to get in as the summer goes on, but I’ve done it a couple times. I did a little mama sacrifice so I could play with the kids. Yeah.

Laura:
It’s a real sacrifice to get in that cold water. And kids, DGAF, man. They do not care.

Shanna:
They don’t. But then they play, play, play, and then all of a sudden, they realize they’re cold and they’re shivering and you know, their teeth are chattering. And it’s kinda comical, but It’s cute. Yeah. Well, that’s it for me, and I think that’s it for our show this week. If you love our podcast, could you please do us a favor? Head on over to Apple Podcasts, leave 5 stars, say a few things you love about the show, and we might read your review on an upcoming episode. And if you have any mom confessions you wanna share with us, you know we would love to hear them. Laura, where can everyone find us?

Laura:
We are on TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook at bfbodcast. We have a website, bigfatpositivepodcast.com. And if you wanna send us an email, you can always throw a voice memo in there. We love those. Just send it to contact at big fat positive podcast dot com. And finally, if you wanna get some exclusive content from me and Shanna, and you want to join the coolest group of people on the Internet, just search Facebook for Big Fat Positive Community. It’s a private group, so you gotta request to join and make sure you answer those 2 membership questions so we know you’re not a robot. Once you do that, we’ll send you straight through to that amazing, amazing community and the conversations we’re having in there.

Shanna:
Our show is produced by Laura Birek, Shanna Micko, and Steve Yager. Thanks for listening, everyone. Have a big fat positive week. Bye. Bye.