Dear Past Me: Mom Friendships and Bedtime Routines – Ep. 315

Shanna:
Hi. Welcome to Big Fat Positive with Shanna and Laura. On this week’s episode, we have our weekly check ins. We have our special segment, dear past me, where we give our past selves some parenting advice that would make our current lives a lot easier, and we wrap it up with our weekly BFPs and BFNs. Let’s get started. Hello, everyone, and welcome to the show. This is episode 315. Hi, Laura.

Laura:
Hi, Shanna. Hi.

Shanna:
You know what? Let’s start off like we always do. Why don’t you give us your check-in and tell us what notable things happened this week?

Laura:
Well, notably, this was Auggie’s last week of school.

Shanna:
Oh, okay. Rising kindergartner.

Laura:
Yep. He has graduated TK. We got his report card, quote, unquote. It it’s not even called a report card. It’s like a progress report or something like that. I don’t know. They don’t actually care about it being a report card for TK. And he’s not failing theater anymore.

Laura:
Shanna. Yay.

Shanna:
Oh, progress indeed.

Laura:
Yes. Yes. So that’s a big win. But, yeah, he had a half week this week, and Wednesday was his last day of school. Cool. And after school, there was a play date that was arranged for all the kids. I think I think it was basically all the t k and k classes all went to this park around the corner from their school, and it was a madhouse, but it was very fun. And his teacher was there, so I got to get some pictures with him and his teacher.

Laura:
And we got to hang out and talk. And, yeah, it was a nice end to the school year. I must say Auggie was not nostalgic about it. He was pretty stoked to start his summer break. Yeah. You know? And I was trying to talk to him about how next year, he may not have the same teacher. Like, there’s a chance because they combine the TK and k classes.

Shanna:
Oh, right.

Laura:
So there’s a chance he might have the same teacher, but we don’t know. You know? I don’t even know when they announce that. It’s like we find out the week before school or something. Oh, yeah. You know? So I’m trying to sort of prepare him and at least let him acknowledge that things are changing. You know? But he’s, I don’t know if he’s not old enough or he’s just not of the personality type to care, but he was just ready to be done with school. He was so excited to be done.

Shanna:
Oh, I remember feeling like that as a kid, especially in high school. So it’s like, ah, summer.

Laura:
It’s funny because as an adult, it’s hard to think of summer. I don’t know. I mean, for I guess it’s gonna be different now that I have kids who are in school that has a significant summer break because this is really our first real summer break. Because the preschool only has a 2 week break between the, quote, unquote, school years. You know? They just have a little hiatus. And that’s what Auggie had last year. You know? He had the 2 week break.

Laura:
I think it ended up being 3, if I recall, because his school started a little later than the preschool started. But, honestly, it wasn’t you know, it’s not like a big summer. Right? But now he has this big looming summer ahead of him, and I do too. And I’m like, oh, this is a whole different ball of wax. You know? It’s a it is a seasonal change for me as well as him. So it’s starting to dawn on me that it’s a little bit different.

Shanna:
Do you have plans for him for the summer? Well, Shanna, Corey and

Laura:
I really dropped the ball on planning the summer. I mean, I maybe it’s not right to say we dropped the ball. We intentionally left the ball on the ground because Oh. We weren’t sure what we would be doing for the summer. Like, right now, Corey and I are both not fully employed, if you will. We are both working very part time hours, and my work is picking up a bit, but Corey’s is very intermittent still. And as a result, we’re not bringing in a ton of cash. So neither of us were ready to drop a bunch of cash on summer programs summer camps or summer schools or whatever, if we weren’t making any money.

Laura:
Right? Right. And if we were gonna be home anyway we kinda thought maybe we should just dodaddy camp, which is kind of what he ended up doing last year forth 3 weeks he was off. Right? And then also, it is kind of hard to find camps that take 5 year olds. Like, almost all the parks and rec camps around us start at 6. Like, you have to have completed kinder before you can go into it. And then the private camps are mucho expensive. So Yeah. Yeah.

Laura:
It’s one of those things where we were just like, well, we need to wait and see. Like, if one of us gets a really big gig and we really need him to be out of the house, we’ll figure something out. Well, we can then we canpay out of pocket for some last minute camp that Yeah. Has availability. So we were totally dragging our feet on that. And then2 weeks ago, Auggie School just spontaneously sent out a sign up form for their summer after school program camp. Okay. They call it the after school program camp because it’s run by the same people who run his daily after school program that he goes to.

Laura:
But it’s all day. Like and they sent this out, and they’re like, hey. We’re happy to announce we’re doing a 4 week camp that goes from 7:30 AM to 4:30 PM and is $50 a day. Like, do you wanna sign up? Oh, that’s a good deal. And we were like, oh, yes, please. You know, camp where he actually knows people. You know, he knows the people who run it.

Laura:
He knows the other kids who are gonna be there. Like, this sounds perfect. So that’s gonna start in a week and a half. So he has a week and a half off, and then he’s gonna go to this after school program camp at, it’s at the main campus of the school, so it’s kind of exciting for him. It’s where the older kids get to go. Oh. So he gets to do that for 4 weeks. And then we’ll have a 3 week gap at the end, I think, where for one of the weeks, we’re gonna go to Portland, because it lines up with Sebastian’s gap in his school.

Laura:
So we’ll have to figure out something to do at the end. But for now, it turns out that just dragging your feet and, procrastinating and not making any decisions pays off. Yay. Who knew?

Shanna:
Yay. Well, that’s amazing because you know me. I’m always on my computer in February trying to sign up for these dang camps. There’s a lot of competition for these camps in my area. So I’m glad it worked out in your favor. Yay.

Laura:
I feel like next year, I’m gonna try to get in on the Glendale Parks and Rec camps because they’re supposed to be great. They’re super affordable, but they mostly start at 6. There was a 5 year old version, but I totally missed out on that. But I think I can probably get him into the 6 year old stuff next year. So we’ll see. But we lucked out, so he’s doing that. And I will say that the one thing that has been really tricky so far we’ve had 2 days now this week where Auggie has been off school is explaining to Sebastian why he has to go to school when Auggie gets to stay home.

Shanna:
Yeah. How are you pulling that one off?

Laura:
Not well, Shanna.

Shanna:
Oh, no.

Laura:
It’s resulting I mean, he is 3, almost 3a half, and I feel like this is prime, letting you know their feelings in a violent and loud way. Age it’s like, I’m 3, and I’m here, and I’m loud, and I’m gonna tell you all about it. He lets us know that he is not okay with the fact that he’s going to school. And even though he freaking loves school, Shanna he doesn’t wanna leave when it’s time to leave school, but still, he’s like, I wanna stay home. Auggie, stay home. I wanna stay home. And he’s you know, we’re literally dragging him, kicking and screaming to the car in the morning because he’s so jealous. So rough.

Laura:
I’m really looking forward to cap camp starting, and I’m very much dreading this next week where Auggie is gonna be going on adventures with Corey during the day just to fill the time and really Yeah. Like, oh my gosh. On Friday, Corey made a rookie mistake. Okay? So Friday, 2nd day, Auggie’s off school. He’s loving being on break. Sebastian’s getting ready to go to school, and Corey, out loud, in front of Sebastian, goes to Auggie and says, Auggie, I think we’ll go to a Descanso Gardens this morning.

Shanna:
Oh, whoopsie.

Laura:
Sebastian’s head whipped around. He’s like, I go I go to Descanso. I won’t go maze because they have a a hedge maze there. Uh-huh. I saw the look on Cory’s face. You know, you could just see he knew he fucked up. I think

Shanna:
he was like, shit.

Laura:
And he’s like, I meant tomorrow. I meant tomorrow, and Auggie’s like, what? I wanna go to it. I’m just like, shut it down. Shut it down.

Shanna:
Oh my god. He’s just digging that hole deeper. Oh, man.

Laura:
So, yeah, I your girls are on the same schedule, but did you have this problem when they weren’t on the same schedule?

Shanna:
You know, to be honest, I feel like my brain doesn’t retain memories that far, in the past anymore, Laura. I honestly do not know, but probably. I mean, jealousy abounds over here. So yeah.

Laura:
Yeah. The need for equity is strong, and I feel like it’s only gonna get worse. And, if anyone has advice on how to address that because your kids can’t get the same things always. Right? Like, sometimes, one of them is gonna have a Mandalorian PEZ container, and one of them is gonna have an RTP tube PEZ container. You know what I mean? Like and this is just life. Exactly. So I am curious if anyone has any good approaches to dealing with this because, yeah, what we’re doing just doesn’t seem to be working without meltdowns, or maybe that’s the only way. Maybe meltdowns are

Shanna:
the only way. You just gotta let them have their feelings. You know? Because sometimes you get them a lemon loaf at Starbucks to share, you cut it in half, they are perfectly equal sized pieces, and they still get pissed that one is bigger than the other. Now that that didn’t happen to me this morning. No. No. No.

Laura:
That’s an awfully specific example, Shanna.

Shanna:
Oh, that one’s bigger. Oh, no. Very equal. Okay. Just like, oh my god. I can’t even with that anymore.

Laura:
That is it’s one of my least favorite aspects of parenting 2 kids, I gotta say. It is annoying. But, anyway, I’ll be checking in to see how next week goes. Maybe the jealousy will subside. Maybe it’ll get worse. Maybe we will solve the problem of jealousy once and for all. But until then, I do wanna hand the mic over to you, Shanna, and find out what you’ve been up to this week. You are still experiencing summer break with your kids.

Laura:
How’s it going?

Shanna:
Oh, it’s going. It’s going. This week was exciting because the girls started their 1st week of summer camp. They’re doing a couple different things this summer, and this week was swim camp. Oh. It’s called swim camp, but they swim maybe an hour a day of the whole thing and the rest of it’s at this gym, and they do activities and arts and crafts and all that jazz. And then the last hour of the day, they geta swimming lesson and some free play in the pool and everything. And my girls, of course, absolutely love swimming.

Shanna:
So they’re very excited about this swim camp. Well, on the 1st day of swim camp, I go and pick up the girls and the first thing CeCe says to me is my ear hurts. Uh-oh. And I was like, oh, no. That’s not good. There are no other apparent symptoms. Right? But I did remember how your guys have had ear infections that have been kinda sneaky, so I didn’t know.

Laura:
Yeah.

Shanna:
And on the way home, we’re driving and I said to CeCe, I wanna do what I can to help you. And she said, you said, hell. And I go, no. I didn’t say hell. I said, help. Can’t you can’t you hear me?

Laura:
I

Shanna:
mentioned before she’s doing this weird thing whereshe’s I don’t know if she’s messing with me or really not hearing me when I say words, but she keeps accusing me of saying different things.

Laura:
So she’s

Shanna:
got ear pain, no other symptoms. She’s had this lingering, maybe hearing issue. And I was just like, I don’t know. Maybe there’s something going on in her ear, and I need to get this taken care of right away. So I took her to the doctor right away. She had to miss the second morning of swim camp so we could go to the doctor and check out her ear. Laura, 2nd day at camp, the girl has swimmer’s ear.

Laura:
Has she been swimming before swimmer’s camp, or did it happening that hour they were just swimming? Alright.

Shanna:
I was like, what? But then I remembered we had just gotten back from Redondo Beach where we did a lot of swimming in the pool at the hotel. And she and she did a lot of underwater swimming because Steve was testing out the waterproofness of his iPhone based on what you said on the podcast. So he got a lot of great videos, but then gave her swimmer’s ear for her 1st week of swim camp. The doctor was so nice, and he’s explaining that it’s not a very big deal. It seems very mild, but she’s in pain, so we need to treat it and do the ear drops and all this stuff, and to not swim for a week.

Laura:
And I was like,

Shanna:
I was like, listen. Cool. Listen. Do you think it’d be okay if she just did it anyway? Like, let’s just I think I’m probably just gonna have her swim anyway. She doesn’t seem that much in pain. Like, it’s not bad. He even said himself it was very mild. He probably wouldn’t have even treated it if she didn’t complain about it.

Shanna:
So I was like, what if we just get these swimmer’s eardrops, use them, and I’ll just send her to camp, and we’ll see how it goes. I’ll just keep my eye on it. And I feel like on the down low, he was like, yeah. That’s fine. That’s probably what I would do with my kid too.

Laura:
I was like, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Shanna:
I just could not believe the irony of this situation.

Laura:
I feel like this is a very CeCe move. She has a real knack for getting the exact illness to ruin the thing that she needs to be doing that week. You know? Like Yes. First thing. Did they say anything about her hearing? Or

Shanna:
Yeah. He’s like, I think her hearing is probably fine. There’s nothing going on in her inner or middle ear. It’s probably selective hearing. And I was like, yeah. You’re right. I mean, I really did have a hunch that she’s just kind messing with me with a lot of this stuff. So

Laura:
Yeah.

Shanna:
I wasn’t too concerned about

Laura:
the hearing

Shanna:
and stuff. Yeah.

Laura:
So you continue to send her to camp? I know they do make this wax stuff you can put in your ear, right, to protect your ear from getting water in it, but I would like to see a 5 year old have good, compliance with that.

Shanna:
Yeah. Yeah. So I went and picked up the prescription ear drops. I went and bought some ear drops swimmer’s ear drops that are made of mostly alcohol that you put in after they swim, and it kind of evaporates the water.

Laura:
Because,

Shanna:
like, use this after every time you swim, you’ll never get swimmer’s ear. I’m like, oh my gosh. Perfect. I put the ear drops in her ear the first time and she freaked out because they felt wet. I was like, but you go swimming, and your ears get wet. It doesn’t didn’t matter. Didn’t matter. She allowed me to do one application of ear drops and no more.

Shanna:
She absolutely threw a fit. And if you know my history with CeCe and medication, I have been through the ringer with her trying to get her to take medication. And I just, like this was not a battle I wanted to fight Laura. He said it was so mild that I was just kind of like, alright. Well, we’ll see how it goes. So I am not saying this is my proudest mom moment, but I didn’t do the ear drops. I sent her back to swim camp with swimmer’s ear, and, really, everything was fine. Like, it was fine.

Shanna:
It was all fine.

Laura:
Yeah.

Shanna:
Because she’d went the rest of the week and didn’t complain about it. It didn’t get worse, and I feel okay. I feel okay about how it all went.

Laura:
Yeah. I mean, it sounds like one of those things that if she hadn’t complained about her ear hurting, you would have never gotten it checked out, and it would have just resolved on its own. Yeah. I know that my pediatrician, she is really hesitant to treat ear infections because she says a lot of times, treatments just don’t work. They just resolve on their own. That’s not to say I mean, obviously, Sebastian has had a ton of treatment for his ears. He’s had surgery. Yeah.

Laura:
And Auggie got his eardrops, when he had an ear infection, but his was raging according to the doctor. Like, they looked at his ear and they’re like, oh, shit. Like, we gotta take care of that. Yeah. I will say, Auggie thought this was the funniest thing that had ever happened. So when you hit the ear drops, did they tell you to warm them, to put them in your pocket or something to warm them up before they put them in their ear?

Shanna:
No. That’s good advice.

Laura:
Yeah. That’s advice that I got from my doctor, and, your doctor probably have told you that because I think it makes it body temp so it doesn’t feel so cold going in their ear.

Shanna:

Laura:
And I was like, my pockets aren’t that warm or snug or existent because I’m a woman, and half the time you don’t have pockets. I was like, but you know what I do have is a big old boob. Yeah. 2 of them in back. And so I have been like, I warm them in the under flap of my boob.

Shanna:
Oh my gosh. Well, that comes in handy.

Laura:
And then I would you know, be under my shirt. And when it would be time to do ear drops, Auggie thought it’d be so funny that I’d lift my boob up, and it would fall out of it. I’m sure as an adult, he will listen to this and think it’s mortifying. But, I mean, come on. Like, what’s the difference? Pocket or boob pocket? It’s a boob pocket. Boob pocket. Yes. Well, now we

Shanna:
have the title of this episode, clearly.

Laura:
But it warms it up very efficiently. Right? Because it’s right next to your body. Anyway, that’s just a hot tip for all the parents out there.

Shanna:
Oh, man. That’s a good one.

Laura:
Well, I’m sorry that she, fought it so much. I know that you guys have so much trouble with her and medicine, and that’s gotta be so frustrating.

Shanna:
Yeah. Yeah. It is. It’s amazing how bribery does not work on that child to any degree when it comes to administering medication. One quick cute thing that did happen at the doctor’s office, though, as we were leaving, we were standing in front of the elevators. There’s 2 elevators. And the girls often do this competition where they each choose an elevator that they think is gonna come first. Right? Like, who is gonna pick the right elevator that the doors are gonna open?

Shanna:
So they’re doing that, and this older grandpa comes up to also ride the elevator. And he says hi to them, and CeCe says hi to him, and he gets in on the elevator game, and he picks which one he thinks is going to get there too. It’s very cute. And, CeCe won, her elevator came first, and he was congratulating her, and we all got on the elevator together. And, as we go down to the 1st floor and we exit, the grandpa pulls a $5 bill out of his wallet. What? And is like, is it okay if I give this to her for winning? And I’m like, oh, yeah. Sure. So he gave it

Laura:
to her.

Shanna:
He’s like, congratulations. And he’s like, I got good news at the doctor today. And I had seen him come from the oncology side of

Laura:
the Aw.

Shanna:
Of the office. So it really warmed my heart that obviously he got good news, whatever he was going through, that he was charmed by my kids, and they had this little connection. And it was so sweet that he did that. And, of course, CeCe was over the moon with this little fries. And we immediately went to the little pharmacy right at the bottom of the building. And CeCe spent her money on 2 bags of chips, one for her and one for Elle, which was really sweet.

Laura:
Aw, well, that’s sweet.

Shanna:
And, so they ate those on the way to swim camp, where I dropped them off right after finding out she had swimmer’s ear.

Laura:
Oh, man. Just so everyone knows, swimmer’s ear is not contagious. It’s not like Shanna was dropping off a kid with a contagious disease. No. She’s just going AMA and gets medical advice and sending your child to swim. I think it’s fine. I think you did a perfectly fine thing. Are the girls in the same camps throughout summer, or are they gonna diverge at some point?

Shanna:
They are in the same camps.

Laura:
Hallelujah. That’s the dream.

Shanna:
Yes. Same drop off, same pickup, same everything. And both camps are just indifferent groups or pods because their age is different. But

Laura:
yeah. Oh, that’s sweet. Okay. That is so fun. Well, I’m glad she’s feeling better, and I’m glad that unknown grandpa got good news at the oncologist. That is very sweet. I’m so Yeah. I’m so touched by that story.

Shanna:
Yeah. But, yeah, that’s it for us this week, and I think it’s time for us to move on.

Laura:
Let’s do it. We are back, and our special segment this week is dear past me. This is a pretty new segment where we jump into the time machine and give ourselves some advice that we wish we had gotten back in the day when we were pregnant or new parents or the like. And so, Shanna, let’s get straight to it. I am so curious what you would like to tell your past self. Okay.

Shanna:
So I’ve been having some play dates or, I guess, CeCe has been having some play dates with, some TK friends and some preschool friends and getting to know the parents more and everything. And it’s just such a nice connection to make friends when your kids are that age. There’s something special about preschool and t k friendships. And Connecting with the parents is just seems easier than connecting later on when your kids are a little bit older, at least from my experience. And so I was thinking about how I really missed out on this phase with Elle because She was this age during the pandemic. She missed her last year of preschool.

Shanna:
She didn’t have t k. When she went to kindergarten, it was still very locked down. Like, she went to campus, but I couldn’t go on the campus. We didn’t really connect with parents and do play dates and stuff like that. So I really missed out on this time period of building connections when she was a young age. So as a result, I really feel like I don’t feel all that connected to her friends’ families or parents or stuff. I mean, I’ve gotten to kind of know them over the years, but there’s just something different about establishing those connections at an early age in my experience. So I wish that I had realized this back then and tried harder to reach out to the parents and the families at that age and done something, anything I could to try to bolster those friendships and relationships back then.

Shanna:
Because now I just it’s just different. It’s just different with her than it is with CeCe, and I feel a little bit sad that she missed the opportunity. I missed the opportunity, and I just wish I could go back and kinda do it differently.

Laura:
It’s tough because it was really you know, you were a victim of circumstance, and not just the pandemic, but also the moving. I feel like you moved when she was how old?

Shanna:
18 months.

Laura:
Yeah. So you moved when she was still a toddler, but I feel like there there’s such a hangover from moving. You know? Like You have to figure out your area and find schools and all this stuff, and you have to sort of get a lay of the land. And I feel like it probably took you longer to do that. Then you have another baby, then the pandemic hits. You were going through all the IVF stuff when she was in preschool. Right?

Laura:
Desperately trying to have another baby. And you didn’t have a lot of spoons, I’d say, during that time. Right? I can’t remember where it originated exactly, but it’s like the idea is that you geta certain number of spoons every day. And one spoon is used to do something effortful, like make doctor’s appointments for your kids, and another spoon is to get through something emotional during the day. And, basically, once you’ve used up all your spoons, they’re gone. Like, you can’t you can’t get more. I feel like your spoons were perpetually used for that period of time and then the pandemic.

Laura:
I’m forget it.

Shanna:
Yeah. Truly. And when she was in preschool we moved up to this area, but she was still going to preschool way down in that neighborhood, which is30, 40 minutes away, and her friendships were there. And I was doing a great job connecting with the parents then. But, yeah, the pandemic hit. Our good friends moved out of state and then just losing connection with people whose connections weren’t that strong. So, yeah, I think I did have a lot to go up against. I recognize that.

Shanna:
And I’m thank you for pointing that out because then I feel less bad it’s my fault that it didn’t happen.

Laura:
I don’t think it’s your fault. I mean, I also think because I’m I I have to give myself a gold star for I feel like I’ve been doing a good job at trying to build up friendships through preschool parents. Like, I have a nice little group that I’ve formed. But to be fair, part of the reason it was formed was that a lot of these moms have second kids going to the same school. So we had more than the 1st year or the second year. You know what I mean? Like, we’re in the 3rd year, some of us, of being in the same school together. So we were able to sort of organically grow it through that time. But I will say that one thing I’ve noticed has really helped me is getting people’s phone numbers and just texting them and starting a friendship that way, and then also WhatsApp groups.

Laura:
My preschool encourages people to start WhatsApp groups for the families, and we did that. And so the WhatsApp group is still really active, even the one left over from when Auggie was in preschool. So that’s a really cool way. It’s also a way you can kinda get a vibe of people before figuring out who they are, do a little light Internet stalking, figuring out who seems cool. And I am kinda sad too because I suggested we do it for Auggie’s class at the beginning of this year, and I was shut down by the room parent.

Shanna:
What? Why?

Laura:
They wanted to keep all the communication in the school app, and I was just like, I’m not gonna overstep and do that. But I’m like, the idea is this is a more casual side conversation. You know? But I was like, I don’t wanna step on anyone’s toes.

Shanna:
And, of course,

Laura:
there was no group conversation. Like, it didn’t happen. Yeah. So whatever. That’s a gripe. But anyway, Shanna, I think this is great advice because even though you didn’t get to do it with Elle’s friends and their parents, I think our listeners hearing this are really gonna benefit from hearing you talk about this because it might give them the little kick in the butt to get started and just you know, it’s socially awkward. Even if you don’t have social anxiety to talk to someone and be like, you wanna be my friend?

Shanna:
Yeah. Yeah. That’s definitely true. But I don’t think that’s exactly what my struggle is here because I don’t have problems sending out text being like, hey. Let’s set up a play date. Let’s do this or that. I’ve done a lot of that lately. But it’s more like I don’t know.

Shanna:
Like, I missed the boat on the timing to really connect with Elle’s friends and families or something like that. Like, they’ve all moved on already and connected and or something. I don’t know. I don’t know what exactly it is, but just wish I coulda got in there and let stuff simmer when she was younger so it was more fully developed now, like a well developed soup, if you will.

Laura:
A nice delicious stew, a goulash. Yeah.

Shanna:
It’s a nice goulash. A social goulash is what I’m going for. Oh, anyway, I, I don’t know what I’ll do moving forward, but it’s on my mind. But, Laura, I wanna know what is your first dear past mean?

Laura:
Okay. If I could get in a time machine and zip back 5 years ago, I think 5 years would be enough. If Auggie was 6 months old, I think it would still be okay, and just grab myself by the shoulders and shake me and look me deep in the eye and say, for the love of God, Laura, make separate Spotify and YouTube accounts for your kids. Do it now before they’re irrevocably fucked up from all the blippi and the truck tunes and the every the hamsterious. You know about hamsterious? Like, hamster

Shanna:
Hamster mazes. Yes. Good advice.

Laura:
Mice? Okay. I know there’s YouTube Kids, and they have their YouTube Kids. But sometimes there’s just not stuff that’s available on YouTube Kids. Right? Like, I don’t know. Silly things like John Williams conducting cool, and the kids love watching the orchestra. Great. But I have to do it on my YouTube cool, and the kids love watching the orchestra. Great.

Laura:
But I have to do it on my YouTube, and that’s fine. If that is part of the algorithm on my YouTube, that’s fine. But there’s other things that you know, either it’s just too hard to get it set up on YouTube Kids or we’re just already on our YouTube or they’re looking on our phones or my mom grabs my phone and shows them something. My let let’s look at my Spotify. I feel like I’ve complained about this before, but I just it it’s even worse these days. Really? Yes. Okay. I’m gonna just screenshot you what came right up when I opened up my Spotify home screen.

Laura:
Okay?

Shanna:
Yes. I wanna see this.

Laura:
This is a say that I am listening to more Spotify again because there was a period of time where I wasn’t working as much. And anytime I was at my computer, I was editing the podcast, so I didn’t have music going. But now I’m back to doing more coding. I have music going a fair amount. My Discover Weekly is still useless because of all the kids’ stuff. But here here’s my home screen.

Shanna:
Alright. Let’s see. Oh, a big list of, playlists here, I think. Bedtime Stories superhero, Ghostbusters, The Nightmare Before Christmas, The Lego Ninjago Movie Soundtrack, Star Wars. Oh, Hamilton. Okay. That’s good. Right? Yeah.

Shanna:
That’s me. Yeah. Lightyear, I’m not sure that looks like a movie soundtrack. The tortured poets department, that’s good too. Right? That’s, Taylor Swift.

Laura:
So out of those 8, 2 of them are things I have listened to.

Shanna:
Oh my god. And the current song that looks like it’s being played that I see down on the bottom is the finger family, daddy finger. Oh, boy. To be fair,

Laura:
that was an auto play that came up after, no. No. Actually, it’s really funny. So Sebastian wanted to listen to We’re Going on a Bear Hunt by the Kaboomers last night before bed. So I put that on, then we swapped. I went over to Auggie’s room to finish his bedtime. And I was bringing up the bedtime story superheroes that he listens to every night to fall asleep. And he was like, what is this already playing? I was like, oh, it’s whatever was playing after we’re going on a bear hunt.

Laura:
He’s like, I wanna hear it. I was like, you’re not gonna like it. He’s like, I wanna hear. So he presses play, and he starts playing a daddy finger, daddy finger, where are you? I hate it. He starts he starts covering your ears. He goes, turn it off. I hate it. I hate it.

Shanna:
Wow. Well, I am impressed because for the longest time, my kids didn’t listen to that on Spotify, but that is such a popular cocomelon song.

Laura:
Right?

Shanna:
And the tune, they recycle, and I hate it. And the girls just will listen and listen and listen to that. It’s like, what?

Laura:
I will say the Lego Ninjago movie has some real bangers on it. Like, the songs on that soundtrack are actually pretty good. Oh, it’s good. So but let’s see what my YouTube looks like. Okay, Shanna. The thumbnails are not as strong, so I’m gonna do a little scroll and send you a video screenshot of what my freaking YouTube looks like.

Shanna:
Oh, no. Alright. We’ve got, oh, hamster in the Minecraft dungeon, another hamster video, Luigi’s mansion, some Minecraft. Laura, are you sure this isn’t your feed? I know you love hamsters in Minecraft.

Laura:
The very last one is how to create modern text scroll animations with GSAP and JavaScript. I’m like, that sounds like me. I will say I kept scrolling, and the next thing is called Jurassic Park, but with a cat. And I’m like, okay. I would watch this.

Shanna:
There you go. There

Laura:
you go. I need to save this. This is really funny. Okay. But I have to say that YouTube, I don’t care that much about because when I go to YouTube, I’m looking for something specific, and I’m not really scrolling around hoping it recommends something to me. But I used to love Spotify ‘discover weekly and finding new music on Spotify. And now it’s just telling me on my release radar, it’s like, Trucktoons just released its Cybertruck song. I’m like, I could not be less interested in that.

Shanna:
That is so bad. I thought that they came out with a feature you can have it like, you can choose to have the algorithm ignore a certain song or a certain album. Am I wrong about that?

Laura:
You probably can. I could probably go on incognito. But if I adjust, 5 years ago, just made a separate account. Right? Like, a separate account that plays to our speakers that that that isn’t integrated with mine. I have a family account. I have3 unused family accounts. I could have done it.

Laura:
Maybe I should just start myself a new account. Start fresh. Maybe there’s a way to do that.

Shanna:
Oh, there you go. But yeah.

Laura:
But listeners, if you are pregnant, you’re gonna think, oh, I won’t need this. You will. You will. Just do it. Just make clean accounts for your kids’ stuff so you can have something for yourself. You know they say you need to find yourself after baby? I can’t find myself in my Spotify. It’s nowhere to be

Shanna:
found. Yes. Yes. Listeners, set up your own accounts early on.

Laura:
Okay. Okay, Shonna. Do you have one more piece of advice for your past self?

Shanna:
I do. And this one, I’m not going too far back in the past here.

Laura:
Okay.

Shanna:
I’d like to hop in an old time machine, go back to about December 2, 2023

Laura:
Oh.

Shanna:
When I am standing in the lobby of the tumbling and cheer studio with Elle by my side. Our 6 week trial has just finished. Yeah. And I’m looking at my options for, membership for the studio, and I say, yeah. Sign us up for 1 year of tumbling class. Great idea. Oh. I would have grabbed my hand with that pen or whatever and said, no.

Shanna:
Don’t do it. Find a studio where you can go month by month because this child will lose interest. This child will waste money by skipping class. Don’t do it. Don’t sign up for 1 year of anything with a young child. I mean, unless they are a prodigy or just super duper interested in something. It’s just it’s been a hassle, and I’m only 6 months through now. I still have 6 months more to go with this.

Laura:
Is there a penalty for canceling? Like, could you cancel and just get a month penalty, or did you just pay the whole thing already?

Shanna:
I’m paying month by month, but I signed a contract. I don’t know what the cancellation possibilities are. I think I remember reading you can’t cancel, basically. Like, you can transfer the membership to someone else. I don’t know. I haven’t looked into it. I’m just like, oh my gosh.

Laura:
I really applaud your December 2023 optimism, though, because Yeah. I mean, this is not it sounds a little bit shamey, but it’s not like, I feel like that Shanna already knew better. But you were like, no. This time, it’s gonna be different. This time this time, she’s real excited. She’s not gonna lose steam on this one. It’s also a very high pressure situation. Your kid has just completed this trial.

Laura:
They love something, and you’re just like, hell, yeah. I’m gonna sign them up, and we can’t lose the spot. You know? Yeah. So and also really tumbling and cheer place a year contract for Oh. Little kids is it’s optimistic, like I said. Very optimistic. So okay. So I take it Elle has lost her steam on the tumbling?

Shanna:
Yes. She was extremely enthusiastic in the beginning bouncing off walls, doing cartwheels, perfecting all of these new moves, and she moved up a level right away. And I think she’s just kinda stagnating a little bit in this level not really learning much new, not motivated to work on stuff at home anymore. So she’s just not really moving up to the next level because there’s not a lot of practice. She gets tired after school now. It’s getting hotter. Doesn’t wanna go to the gym after doing all her stuff. And yeah.

Shanna:
Yeah. It’s just it’s kinda hard getting her to follow through on all that.

Laura:
Yeah. We actually just had to cancel swim lessons for Auggie for the same reason because it was just like we could not get him to go. And if we got him to go, he would just sit there and not do it. Like, he’d be and that oh, talk about parenting triggers. Sitting there watching him not participate in a class you’ve paid for is truly that just it brings out the worst in me because I’m just like, it brings out the he’s ungrateful. He’s a waste of money. He’s a waste of time all that stuff. He’ll never learn to swim, and he’s gonna die in a pool.

Laura:
You know? Like, he definitely spiral. So, yeah, we just put his lessons on pause, and his had a 30 day warning. So we basically had to just forfeit a month of classes because I couldn’t get him to go. I was trying to get him to go, tried to do makeup classes or something just to get our money’s worth, and he just wasn’t having it at all.

Shanna:
Yeah. And then you have to have the struggle of trying to get out the door, and it’s, yeah, it’s a hassle.

Laura:
It’s a wonder we do anything with these children.

Shanna:
Yes. Yes. I know. I know.

Laura:
Is there something else she wants to do, or is it just she just wants to chill at the end of the day?

Shanna:
There’s not another activity she wants to do. I don’t know. I’m having a hard time sussing out her passions these days. It’s she’s I don’t know. Yeah. I haven’t figured it out yet.

Laura:
Maybe you just need to watch Bring It On, or maybe when the Olympics come on, she’ll have a renewed interest. I mean, watching some Simone Biles will get anyone excited. Right?

Shanna:
Yeah. Yeah. I had that idea. I watched her floor routine the other day, Simone’s, not Elle’s. And I

Laura:
was like,

Shanna:
I gotta show this to her, which I haven’t done yet. But, yeah, it’s a great idea.

Laura:
She’s incredible, Simone Biles. So, yep, we’ll see. You’ll have to let us know. But Yes. Yeah. That year contract is brutal.

Shanna:
Yes. It is. So parents, think twice before committing to a year of activities with your children. Laura, do you have another one for us?

Laura:
I do, but I thought we could jump in our time machine and jump ahead a few minutes and do it then. What do you think?

Shanna:
Oh, yeah. Let’s do. We are back, and Laura has one more dear past me for us. Laura, what is it?

Laura:
Yes. Okay. So jumping back in our time machine, I would like to go back to when, I wanna say Auggie was 1-ish. So January 2020, pre pandemic, but this is going into the pandemic. Right? I wish I could just sit down with me and Corey, past me and Corey, and be like, what are you guys doing? Why are you both doing Auggie’s bedtime every single night?

Shanna:
You were teaming up to do bedtime back then?

Laura:
Every fucking night, Shanna. We were like, I don’t think we even knew we could do it solo. Uh-huh. To be fair, Auggie’s bedtimes, still to this day, are a lot. Like, this child did we talk about the body dotties recently? I don’t remember if this is what we used to call his nightly routine where he would after bath, be butt naked and just be literally prancing in circles. Full like, full speed running, but high stepping it in circles around his room singing. And Corey and I would go, oh, it’s time for the. And we would just sit there and watch him do it fora solid 5 minutes every night.

Laura:
And then that was just the prelude to the rest of it. And we would be overwhelmed, so we would both do bedtime. You know, we’d both try to wrestle up into jammies and all this stuff. Right? And then the pandemic hit. Right? So what else are we doing with our time? We’re not leaving the house, so it’s like we might as well both do bedtime. But I looked back. So when Sebastian was born, I remember that was one of the concerns is, how are we gonna do bedtimes now that there there’s gonna be 2 of them? You know?

Shanna:
Like, how

Laura:
are we gonna do it? And I do remember Gia gave me some advice. She’s like, you need to start practicing solo bedtimes now. I’m like, why were we not doing solo bedtimes always? Like, why weren’t we alternating? Like, why wasn’t one of us out finishing the dishes or just relaxing? And then every other night, we’d get to have a nice quiet time. Because now we can’t. Obviously, we alternate which kid we take, but you know, we each take one kid for bedtime. But I’m even thinking about it now. I’m like, maybe now we need to start alternating doing solo bedtimes for both kids so we can start practicing giving ourselves a chance to leave. You know? Like, giving ourselves a chance to not be there.

Laura:
Because, I mean, so many parents do their kids’ bedtimes by themselves. I know parents who have 3 kids and only one parent does the bedtime. You know? Oh, yeah. Wow. Yeah. And, so I’m like, okay. There’s a way. There’s gotta be a way.

Laura:
But I just wish we had started when Auggie was a toddler. I know I was breastfeeding, so that was part of it.

Shanna:
Oh, right.

Laura:
But I could’ve nursed him. I wasn’t nursing him to sleep after 6 months, so I could’ve nursed him and then handed him over to Cory.

Shanna:
Yeah.

Laura:
But, anyway, I think that I wasn’t I’m just now, I feel like, coming to the realization that I need to reclaim my time, and one opportunity to do that is bedtime. Like, I don’t have to be at every single bedtime. And I’m trying to you know, Corey and I have started planning things. Like, I’ll go out to dinner with a friend or he’ll go play tennis or something, and we will have opportunities to do bedtime solo. But if we had just started there were 2 of us.

Shanna:
So true. So true. It’s interesting the routines that you get in just kind of mindlessly just because you fall into them when you’re a new parent. It’s just like, well, this is working, and we don’t need to question it. Let’s just keep on rolling with it.

Laura:
Yeah. And especially during the pandemic, because you had nothing to compare it to and nothing else to do. So you’re just like, well, this is how

Shanna:
it is. We are both suffering

Laura:
through endless Yeah. But it’s it it’s not all suffering. It is cuddling and sweet and reading books, and we did like doing that together as well. But in retrospect, it was not necessary. We could have alternated.

Shanna:
Right. So

Laura:
yeah. I wish we had established that a little earlier.

Shanna:
Yeah. For sure. Yeah.

Laura:
But that’s it. That’s all the advice I have for my past self today. Alright. Shanna, would you like to move on to our BFPs and BFs?

Shanna:
Oh, yeah. We wrap up every episode with our big fat positives or big fat negatives of the week, and you’re up first, Laura. What do you got for us?

Laura:
I have a BFP. Alright. So my BFP is a new tradition that I have absolutely stumbled into, and I’m so happy with myself that I’ve accidentally figured this out.

Shanna:
Oh, I’m excited to hear this.

Laura:
Which is how I’ve been taking 1st day and last day of school pictures of the boys. So you are a perfect example of someone who has their shit together and got one of those blackboards with all the info, and he’s like, my name is CeCe, and my teacher’s name is so and so, and my favorite thing is blah blah blah and whatever for the first and last days of school. Right?

Shanna:

Laura:
And you take a picture of your kid looking all cute and poised holding the information. I did not have my shit together to get that for Auggie’s first day of school, for preschool or for TK. And I it sort of came to peace with, whatever. I’ll just take a picture of them in front of our front door of our house. Right? Because that’s all they’ll tolerate anyway. Like, the idea that they will stand there and let me take a picture of them with anything else is ludicrous because they barely stand still long enough to take a picture in front of the front door. Uh-huh. So I did that for Auggie going to preschool.

Laura:
And at the end of his preschool, I took a picture. And I realized that our front door is very distinctive. It’s like this really big door, and it has long vertical windows and this And I say that not to brag about my front door, but brag. But because it is actually, actually perfect thing to measure against, it’s not just like one

Shanna:
big piece

Laura:
of wood. Right? It has all these sort of, landmarks. Right? Oh, I see. Uh-huh.

Shanna:
That I discovered, I could

Laura:
layer the 2 photos I took, the discovered I could layer the 2 photos I took the beginning of the year and the end of the year on top of each other and line up those landmarks in Photoshop and get a side by side photo of the same kid at the beginning of the year and the end of the year.

Shanna:
Oh, that’s so cool. I remember that from last year.

Laura:
I know. I did it for Auggie for his first day of preschool and his last day of preschool, and that was 2 years. So it was very dramatic. And everyone thought it was a picture of Sebastian and Auggie standing next to each other.

Shanna:
No. That’s right.

Laura:
And then this year, as I was scrambling to get a last day of TK shot, I was like, oh, good. It’s on the other side of the door that I took his first day shot so I can lay them next to each other. And I did. And I got to do it again. So now I’m like, oh, it’s a tradition. I’m just gonna do these photoshopped growth shots now every year.

Shanna:
Yeah.

Laura:
I’m so into it. You saw the one I posted of Augie from his last day of TK. Yeah?

Shanna:
I think I missed it. Send it over.

Laura:
It is not as dramatic as the preschool one because it’s just 1 year, but you can really see a difference in him, I feel like.

Shanna:
Alright. Let’s see. 1st day of TK. Oh, yeah. He his face just looks like older, less babyish. Oh my gosh. I love this. It’s so cool.

Shanna:
They look like twins.

Laura:
Yeah. Yes. Twins, 9 months apart. Yeah. Yeah. So I think I’m gonna continue this tradition, and, hopefully, I can remember to alternate which side of the door to be standing on. But, yeah, I’m looking forward to continuing this. And if we don’t move, doing it until he is out of school, and then we’ll have a cool montage.

Shanna:
Yeah. Oh, I love it. He’s got such a creative mama.

Laura:
I just know how to use Photoshop. That’s all. And actually, Photoshop makes it super easy because now they have this auto blend mode where you just put the 2 photos together and it skews them properly anyway.

Shanna:
Oh, nice.

Laura:
They make it too easy. But that is my BFP. My accidental looks like it was planned, 1st and last day of school situation.

Shanna:
Nice.

Laura:
Shanna, do you have a BFP or a BFN, though?

Shanna:
I have a BFP also. Yay. My BFP is that we have a new addition to our family.

Laura:
Did you have a secret pregnancy I didn’t know about?

Shanna:
No. We adopted one of the kittens that we fostered, Chloe Boops, AKA Coco Yager, the little dilute calico that we were fostering, and she officially became a member of the family this week.

Laura:
So you’re saying Corey could see the future.

Shanna:
Yeah. Well, half because we did let the other one go and find her own forever home. So we didn’t adopt 2. We adopted 1.

Laura:
Okay. Three cats. Yeah. As I said, 3 cats is more than I have. Yeah. And I couldn’t have let you have more cats than I have. But, no.

Laura:
That’s so cute. I really need to come meet this kitten because she is so cute in pictures and videos.

Shanna:
Yeah. She’s really cute, and she’s really growing and developing and becoming stronger and more playful. So interesting to see a cat develop from such a tiny, tiny, young baby age where she was barely aware of the world around her to where she is now. So it’s really great. I am being a little bit triggered, though, back to when Elle was3 years old and CeCe was a baby, and Elle was way too big and excited and wanted to play with the baby because that’s what I’ve got going on with my older cat, Jasmine, and this kitten. Right? Jasmine’s loves the kitten, but it’s just too big and just on top of her. So I have to really supervise them and try to control my own anxiety about that.

Laura:
Yeah. I do think it’s probably more your anxiety than anything else. They so I would definitely do your deep breathing exercises and try not to worry about it too much.

Shanna:
Yeah. For sure. And her middle name, Boops, if you recall, CeCe used to call Boots, Boops, when she was little. And this cat has little white feet and ankles, and so they were like, oh my gosh. She has boots. And I was like, oh my gosh. She has boobs. And we thought it was so cute.

Shanna:
So her name is Chloe Boops. What color are her toe beans? Pink. Oh. Yeah. Well, pink beans. She’s so sweet and very snuggly.

Laura:
Oh, did so you got your lap cat? You got your snuggle cat?

Shanna:
So far, I you know, so far so good. I know what happened with Jasmine when she turned into a teenager, so we’ll see what happens with, flowy boobs. My goodness.

Laura:
Flowy boobs. So Yes. Well, I cannot wait to meet her.

Shanna:
Yeah. And having a tiny little creature around is it’s fun, but also a little precarious because they are so delicate. And it was interesting what it triggered in CeCe the other day. She came up to me and, Coco was on my lap and I was petting her. And CeCe came up and started petting her and she said, mama, can things die when they’re young and little? And I was like, well, yeah. And she’s like, people and animals?

Laura:
And I was

Shanna:
like, yeah. And I was like, oh my gosh. This is kind of a scary territory to go down with your young child. Right? Because I don’t wanna put fears in her head. And I’m realizing is this the moment where she’s realizing that she’s not immortal? And it was a whole delicate conversation. But she was so thoughtful about it, and it was so interesting to see just where her mind went with seeing just this tiny, tiny, little delicate kitty.

Laura:
I also feel like conversations like that, they don’t happen when it’s most convenient. You know? Like, you think before you’re a parent, you think you’re gonna have these big conversations with your kids and you know, while looking out on a lake contemplating life. But it’s always while you’re rushing to get dinner ready and everyone’s hangry and your kid is like, mama, am I gonna die someday? You’re like, can we talk about it later?

Shanna:
Yes. Yes. It does it does come at unusual times. I didn’t think it would be spurred by, petting a cat, but

Laura:
Yeah.

Shanna:
It is what it is. And then we had to send her off to her space surgery this week, and the girls didn’t really understand what that was. And I was like and one day, I was like, mama, when is little Coker’s getting her spam surgery? And I was like, what? When is little Coker’s getting her spam surgery?

Laura:
I was just like,

Shanna:
oh my gosh. Yeah. She’s getting spam tomorrow. Okay? She’s getting spammed. So funny. Just a little report of the funny things and interesting things kids say. Adorable. But, yeah, it’s been fun having an extra little animal around, and that’s my BFP.

Laura:
I love it. I’m here for more cats.

Shanna:
Yay. And I believe that’s it for our show. Listeners, if you haven’t had a chance yet, could you please do us a favor? Head on over to Apple Podcasts, leave us a 5 star review, say a few things you love about the show, and we might read it on an upcoming episode. And if you have any Dear Past Mes you wanna share with us, we would love to hear them. Them. Laura, where can everyone find us?

Laura:
We are on TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook at bfbpodcast. We have a website, bigfatpositivepodcast.com. And if you wanna send us a voice memo, just send it to contact at bigfatpositivepodcast.com. Hint, you can also just send an email without a voice memo. But we do love those. So send them to contact at bigfatpositivepodcast.com. Finally, if you wanna join the coolest group of people on the Internet and see some occasional bonus content from me and Shonna, just search Facebook for big fat positive community. It’s a private group, so you gotta request to join and you gotta answer those 2 membership questions so we know you’re not a robot.

Laura:
Once you do that, you’ll be sent straight through to all the amazing, wonderful, supportive conversations we’re having in there.

Shanna:
Our show is produced by Laura Buick, Shanna Mikko, and Steve Yeager. Thanks for listening, everyone. Have a big fat positive week. Bye. Bye.