What if My Son Wants to Wear “Girl” Clothes? – Ep. 301

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Shanna

Hi, welcome to Big Fat Positive with Sean and Laura. On this week's episode, we have our weekly check-ins, we have our special segment, Mom Confessions, where we talk about toddler toiletries, big ideas in big box stores, and more, and we wrap it up with our weekly BFPs and BFNs. Let's get started.

Hello everyone! Welcome to Episode 301! Hi Laura! Hi Shanna! Hi Fran! How are ya? What's going on in your world over there?

Laura

Oh my goodness, so we had a fairly momentous week again here. Whaaat? Okay, tell us more. This time it's Sebastian-oriented. Okay. Guess what we did this weekend, Shanna?

Shanna

Um, traveled to Paris and saw the Eiffel Tower.

Laura

You always get it right every time, just on the nose.

Shanna

That's that ESP I was born with.

Laura

Yes. We took our private Learjet to Perry and, uh, had some champagne on the top of the Eiffel Tower. No, um, that did not happen. That's next weekend. You're getting them mixed up. This weekend we actually tackled potty training for Sebastian. Wow. Okay. How did it go? You know, it actually went pretty well. And I have to say it's so funny because it's a little weird for me to be attempting potty training because I think I've mentioned this on the podcast before. I am currently writing a potty training book with Gia. And I've been like talking about potty training with her for like almost a year now. We've been working on the proposal and coming up with the ideas for the book and writing the chapters and writing our proposal and all this stuff. We're starting to send it out to agents at this point. So it's like done, done.

And then it was like, oh, shit, I guess I should do this with my own kid. Yeah. Like maybe I should put these techniques to use and it was one of those things to where I felt a little bit of like pressure because if I'm writing a potty training book hopefully my potty training goes smoothly right like right but to be clear these are G is.

Shanna

Techniques and you are right like you're not coming up with the the plan.

Laura

Oh, no, not at all. I Gia calls me her translator Which I totally agree with like Gia is as we know just she's so smart when it comes to anything with child development especially toddlers and But she's not a writer, you know, she doesn't have a background in writing and she recognized that. That's why she even approached me in the first place about writing this potty training book. So I'm being Gia's translator, translating her genius into words on the page. And I'm also writing about my experience with Sebastian, like potty training him, right? That's kind of part of the idea of the book is that like, she's the expert and I come in with little like anecdotes about what it was like to potty train my kids. Cause her kids are like 19 and 20, I think at this point, something like that. So it's been a while.

Shanna

Okay, so they're just a hair beyond learning body training themselves.

Laura

Just a smidge, yeah, just a smidge. So, you know, she's like, it's not as fresh in my mind, but you get to do like boots on the ground in the trenches for more probably inappropriate military metaphors. But I was like, oh shoot, like if this doesn't work, like what are we back to square one? You know what happens? Yeah. But I'm happy to report that I actually did work quite well, because as noted, Gia knows what she's talking about. And I was lucky to basically have had like a year of training on this method. I will say that we tried originally, like our original plan was to do it over Christmas break. And we got about a day in and quickly realized that this was not the right time to be potty training. And let me tell you why. He is the second child. There was an older child running around completely distracting us at Christmas break.

And it was just the wrong time because everyone was like wired and burnt out at the same time, you know, like. It was just after Christmas. It was supposed to be in the span between Christmas and New Year's. And I thought, oh, we'll tackle it before he has to go back to school. But there were all these new toys he wanted to play with. And he was overstimulated and also under stimulated in a weird way because he's not going to school. And Augie's running around like demanding our attention. And we realized we could not like pay attention to him and help him with his cues and help him remember to find the potty and It was just getting so frustrating for all of us. So after about a day, we scrapped it. We're like, this is not the time. Like, back to diapers. Let's try this again later. And I kept waiting for a good weekend to do it.

But we kept having birthday parties to go to and events and stuff. So many parties. So many birthday parties, which is great. We love being invited to parties. And my kids always want to go. They don't want to miss any of them. And I don't either. I like going to kids' birthday parties too, because I'm a weird mom who's socializing with the other parents. And I wish we had to put it off and then finally I was like you know we just need to pick a weekend cancel all our plans and do it and so that was last weekend.

Shanna

Oh okay.

Laura

We canceled swim class and a key part of the plan was to get Augie out of the house.

I told cori i was like how about you just take augie somewhere for like most of the day and i'll stay home on day one and we can like switch on day two or whatever but we remembered with augie like we basically had all of our focus on him you know when we were able to like watch him and see all you're kind of doing a little dance like maybe it's time to party. And that first time we tried, we didn't have that because the combination of having Augie around distracting us, the time that we tried to do it, and the fact that Sebastian's just more independent than Augie has ever been, really messed us up because we are used to Sebastian just walking off after breakfast and going into the playroom and entertaining himself for an hour. And which is wild, right? But that's when he would poop in his pants, you know? And we'd realize, oh, we need to be in the playroom with him.

Oh, shoot. We have to pay attention to our kids. OK. So that was the plan. And that's kind of what we did. Initially, Corey was going to like take Augie down to Long Beach to see his mom, but it was pouring rain. So we took him to see a movie instead. And I just stayed home and I made a point of like putting my phone on a high shelf and just like putting it away because I noticed that first time around, I kept getting distracted looking at my phone and I'd look up and see he'd peed, you know. So I was like, OK, I got to like really focus. So I put my phone away. And honestly, it was kind of nice. I have to say, I haven't had that much one-on-one time with Sebastian without being distracted by like work or calls or text messages or Facebook or whatever. Maybe ever, actually.

Shanna

Yeah, that does sound so nice. Did you explain to him ahead of time what was going on? I mean, he's three now. So, you know, he's pretty cognizant of things at this age.

Laura

Yeah, so a couple weeks ahead of time, part of Gia's whole plan is that you spend two weeks prepping them without taking away diapers, but teaching them about upskilling things, starting to get your diapers changed in the bathroom so that you have the location down, that sort of thing. Starting to practice washing hands after you change your diaper, trying to get all those skills in there before you even take the diapers away. And one of them was talking to the kids about like what's going to happen. So we talked about how we're going to have like sleepy time diapers versus daytime diapers. So like I had different diapers for daytime and nighttime leading up to it. So what I told him is like, you know, tomorrow morning we're going to go diaper free. So we're going to take off our sleepy time diaper first thing in the morning and sit on the potty and try.

And then we're just going to put on undies. And it's one of those things where it's like some kids probably do OK in undies and some don't. But he was so motivated by his blippy undies, Shanna.

Shanna

Oh, how cute. Did he pick them out?

Laura

100%. I don't think I would voluntarily pick out blippy undies. I find it a little weird to have blippy's face on my kid's butt.

He saw them at Target and he was like, this was a while back. And I was like, OK, we'll get these for when you do body training. And funny. So funny. But yes, I had talked to him about it beforehand. And so he wasn't surprised. And he had kind of remembered that we had tried it that last time. So I think so I think it wasn't like a total surprise. But. Yeah, I have to say he did really well. He, you know, he's three. So he sees his friends at school using the potty. He's in a mixed-age classroom. So he sees like it's two to four years old. So he sees a lot of kids using the potty. I think he had practiced at school, you know, like wanting to join in so he would go on the potties at school. That's good. Yeah. And so he was, I think he was, you know, more than ready.

I think that the thing we kind of need to focus on is like self initiation, you know, it's he's pretty good at holding it all day. We had a couple accidents. But honestly, he's doing spectacular for his first week. He had like one accident at school this week. That's it. Oh, so he did go to school in undies. Well, yeah, that's the thing. So like we didn't have a three day weekend and I was loathe to like keep him home that Monday because we had just had a whole slew of vacations and like Mondays off. I just didn't want to do it. I was like, I want my time back. So I figured that we would sort of play it by ear based on how well he did on Sunday and Honestly, he was doing so well on Sunday that I was just like, well, let's give it a try. Let's make it school's problem.

And he did have a P accent that day, but they have a whole system in place to support kids who are in the process of potty trading. So they were like, oh, yeah, our policy is that if they have two accents the same day, we put them in pull-ups. Otherwise, you know, we just want you to send extra clothes in and we can take them to the potty every hour on the hour if you want. And I was just like, cool, yeah, you guys do you.

Shanna

Oh, that's amazing.

Laura

Oh, yeah. So I think we are done with daytime diapers around here. Yay. Does he feel proud? He does. He'll go, mama, I pee-pee. I pee-pee in the potty. And he goes, I flush. I flush. And we have these toilets that have the top pressed down buttons, you know, not like the lever on the side. But you know what I'm talking about? It's like a circle that's split into two at the top. And there's one side has one drop, I think that's supposed to be for P. And the other side has two drops. It's supposed to be for poop. And you pick which one you use. And so he's always going, I flush, I flush. He goes, one drip or two drips?

Shanna

That's cute. So is he actually using the big potty?

Laura

Mostly the little potty, but it's when we carry the little bowl over to dump it into the potty that he wants to flush. But he does use the big potty sometimes. It's hard because his little legs dangle so much. I don't think it's easy for him to push even with a step stool below like he can't quite reach it. So he's kind of dangling there. So I think he's going to be using the little potties for a while just because it's more ergonomic for him. But he does use it like when we're out, he'll use the potty just fine.

Shanna

Oh, cool.

Laura

I kind of have to hold him. But yeah, he's not afraid of it the way that Augie was at first, you know.

Shanna

Yeah. Oh yeah. That's exciting. It is. Good job, Sebastian. Yeah, he did great. What are you going to spend all that extra diaper money on? Our mortgage in preschool.

Fun party time.

Laura

Oh yeah. Yeah, we're living the life here. But anyway, how about you, Shanna? Did you use the potty every time? You needed to this week?

Shanna

I did my best and I pushed the flush button.

Laura

One trip or two trips?

Shanna

Depended on the time. That's TMI.

My big news this week is that I went on my first field trip with a child's class. I was a chaperone. Yes, I went with Elle's class to the California Science Center. So a bunch of second graders and me and a few other parents and teachers loaded up on the big yellow bus and drove like 45 minutes across town to go to the Science Museum and it's something to chaperone a class of kids and be in charge of a group of young students.

But backing up, I was really, really excited to go and do this. I have actually been trying to chaperone a field trip for at least a couple years now. There is stiff competition at my kids' school to get to chaperone. You have to go through a whole huge volunteer clearance process. First of all, so you have to be cleared, which I did. And then when a field trip comes up, you put your name in the hat and there's so many parents that want to go that they have to do like a lottery system for every field trip. Oh my gosh, wow. And I've never gotten chosen. I didn't get chosen this year for the zoo, which I was actually a little okay with because it was like a really hot day and I was like trudging around the zoo. It just didn't sound super fun.

Laura

The LA Zoo is so hot and hilly. I mean, it's signing up for a massive hike with a bunch of grumpy kids who get too overheated and hungry.

Shanna

Yeah, that's what it sounded like. So I was really excited. I got chosen for the Science Center.

Laura

I love the science center. I think it's so cool.

Shanna

I hadn't been in a really long time and I didn't even really know what was there. My favorite part was when we first got there. We got to go in and see an IMAX movie about whales. So I got to sit in the dark and air conditioning for like 45 minutes after being on a hot bus for 45 minutes. That was really nice and the kids loved that movie.

Laura

God, I loved IMAX movies when I was a kid. That was like anytime we went to a national park or something, we'd go see that IMAX movie. It felt magical.

Shanna

Yeah, and it's so cute to see a bunch of little kids who've never experienced it before, you know, they're all reaching their hands out trying to catch whatever fish are flying their way, 3D and stuff.

Laura

Oh, it's a 3D IMAX. That's cool.

Shanna

Oh, yes, I forgot to mention it. It was 3D, so they all had their glasses, and it was really fun. But I got assigned to a group of kids, so that's how it works. I was basically in charge of them, and I was in charge of our itinerary when we were there. It was just basically like, hey, parents, here's a map of the Science Center. Here's when you need to be back at the bus, see what your kids would do, have fun. So I had to negotiate with these four kids, including Al. Like what they wanted to see in the science center and where we would go and when we would eat lunch. We could do it all on our own. But it was really stressful to keep track of these kids because they wanted to kind of all do different things. They would run off and be like, oh my gosh, I want to see that machine and go over there. And I'm like, where's Matthew? Where's L?

Where's, you know, and like looking for everyone and keeping track. Oh, my hackles were up the whole time. So by the time the trip was over, I just had to be like, relax, everyone's safe. Everyone's here. We did it.

Laura

Yeah, that's a lot of it's like you have to have your head on a swivel. And I can imagine that trying to come up with the itinerary on the fly is extra is like worse, right? Like if you were like, we have to be in the kelp forest at 12 20 p.m., then you can force everyone to go that way. But four kids all going in different directions is tricky.

Shanna

Yes. And at first I was like, well, it's in the middle of the week. Like the science center is not going to be busy. It'll be easy to keep track of these kids. Oh, no. No, no, no. There were probably like 900 other kids from other schools also doing a field trip there that day. So it was. Yes. It was teaming with children all running in different directions. But it was really cute to interact with Elle and her friends, you know, the kids in this group and see what they were interested in like one little boy was really interested in like the desert area and like he loves birds and animals and like really wanted to see that and this other boy really wanted to see like the aerospace stuff and It was so cute to see their interests and get to know other kids in her class. Okay, so what was Elle's favorite thing?

I think her favorite thing was being there with her best friend and socializing throughout the whole thing. Honestly, I don't know. There was like a little aquarium at the Science Center that That she thought was really cool. It's like you walk through a tunnel and you can get fish swimming by and stuff. I think she really liked that, actually.

Laura

That one is really cool. Last time we were there, there were scuba divers cleaning it or something. Oh. Augie and Sebastian thought that was the bee's knees. They were just like, what? There are people in there. That's fun. Well, how fun? It'd be fun to meet there one time. I know it's so far away for you. Maybe it wouldn't be as fun for you. But if you just happen to be in the area.

Shanna

Yes, that would be fun because we didn't get to see everything. You know, it'd be nice to be able to spend a little bit more time. I mean, honestly, we took like 45 minutes to drive there. We watched that movie and then had like maybe an hour and a half or two hours to explore the museum and then had to head back. So it would be nice to be able to relax and spend some more time there.

Laura

It's right next to the Natural History Museum, which is really cool too. It has all the dinosaurs and stuff, but it is not free. I will say this is great for people who are coming to LA for a visit or looking for things to do in LA with kids. The California Science Center is 100% free. So you can just roll. I mean, you have to pay for parking, but it's free. So you can go and check it out without. having to spend a dime, except for walking by the gift shop, which always costs us at least $15, because Augie remembers that gift shop and Augie, that's the only reason he wants to go to the California Science Center. Oh, my gosh.

Shanna

My kid loves the gift shop.

Laura

Oh, man. It'll be the end of me. But yeah, that sounds so fun. Hopefully you get picked again from the lottery. Yeah.

Shanna

I know. It's crazy the things that are competitive these days. Anyway, yep, so that's my week. Shall we move on to our special segment? Yes, we should.

Laura

OK, we are back in our special segment this week is Mom Confessions. Mom Confessions. Mom Confessions. This is the segment where Shanna and I play a little game. We try to stump each other with things that we are confessing to from our mom life. We're going to say one truth and one lie, and we're going to have to guess which one's real, which dark, dark secret we are telling the world, and which one is just completely fabricated. So I love this segment. It's always so fun. So let's get straight to it. Shanna, what's your first mom confession? Mom confession.

Shanna

Okay, here we go. Which one of these is true? I laughed when I got a message saying my child got hurt at school or I sent a personal message to my child's whole class instead of just the teacher.

Laura

Um, gosh. Okay. So both are plausible. And the reason I say that first one is plausible, even though it sounds awful to say it's plausible is like the way these kids get hurt is hysterical sometimes. Like it really is. And so like that, that's my instinct to go with that one because I too have laughed when I've gotten messages about how my child has gotten hurt at school. And while I think it's cringey to send something to the whole class, it seems harder to do that. So I'm going to go with laughing at an injury.

Shanna

Ding, ding, ding. You got it right, Laura. Such a bad mom.

Laura

OK. OK, what are the specifics?

Shanna

Let me start off by saying that on this particular day, we were getting ready for school in the morning, and Cece wanted to have pigtails, like two ponytails, right? And I put one ponytail in and the other side of her hair was still hanging down. And for some reason I had this thought come over me like, how funny would it be if like she just went to school with one ponytail? Like that would be just odd. I don't know why I thought that. So I had this weird random passing thought. I finished her pigtails, she had two, she went to school with two. And you know Cece, you've seen pictures, our listeners have seen pictures, she has long hair. She has pretty long hair, right? So when she has two ponytails, they're quite long and sticking out on the side of her head.

So as the day goes on, I'm working, I think I pop over to the library, et cetera, when I get a ding on my messaging system from CeCe's teacher. I open up the message and here's what I read from her teacher, her TK teacher. Hi, I wanted to let you know that CeCe got her hair stepped on at the end of a lunch. She was lying on the play structure when another kid accidentally stepped on her hair. She was upset, so he took out the pigtail and went to the reset corner in class. She took the squeeze ball with her to PE and quickly forgot she was upset and joined in the fun activity. Smiley face. I wanted to give you a heads up to only having one pigtail. She wanted to leave the other one in. She finished the day with smiles.

I read that and I just started cracking up. I was just like, I mean obviously I'm sad that she got her little ponytail stepped on. That hurts my heart. But I'm just like, who gets their ponytail stepped on? Why is her head like at the base of the play structure to even get stepped on? And then, of course, the visual of her ending the day with one long ponytail in and then the other half of her hair hanging down, which is like the weird flash of thought I had in the morning. I was just like, what is life? This is so ridiculous.

Laura

You predicted it. And also, I like as much as I want to give you credit for being psychic, like what I think it is is in your subconscious. it went through all the possibilities for the day. And like that was definitely one of the reasonable ends of the day. Like not both ponytails would make it home.

Shanna

So I laughed and I sent it to Steve. I was like, oh my goodness. And I went to pick her up from school. And sure enough, she comes running at me, one pigtail flopping around and the rest of her hair hanging flat. And oh my gosh, such a cutie pie. She was fine. You know, she recovered and everything. But yeah.

Laura

This is so relatable to me and why it immediately jumped out as the true answer because it's like the number of messages I've gotten from school about Augie just getting random injuries or I'll get calls. Like I got a call the other day from his after school program. And it's like the nicest man runs this after school program. He's had to call me so many times and he calls me. He's like, hi, I just want to let you know, Augie, he's fine. But since it involves the head, we have to call you. He ran into a doorknob today. I mean, in one week, there were three. I think he ran into a doorknob. He bonked his head on the backpack hooks. I don't even know. It just is endless.

Shanna

It's endless. Endless injuries with these little cutie pies. Yeah, so that was my first mom confession. What do you got for us?

Laura

Okay, my first mom confession is did a trip to Costco almost make me betray a core parenting belief or did I find enlightenment in the Target toy aisle?

Shanna

Ooh, these are so good. Okay, enlightenment in the toy aisle of Target. What could that be? Maybe you came across a new fangled toy you'd never seen before and it made life make sense? I don't understand these Lord Costco. Hmm, what could have happened there? Did you guys eat so many free samples that you like didn't need to eat for days? I don't know. I honestly can't decide, but I'm gonna go with Costco.

Laura

You are correct about Costco, but not what happened specifically at Costco. I'm dying to know. I will say though, the Target thing isn't entirely untrue. I wouldn't call it enlightenment, but there are two things that come to mind that bring me great joy that can be found at the Target toy aisle in the toy section. One is kinetic sand. I could just be very zen with kinetic sand and have been. I will just sit there and play with the kinetic sand. But recently I have started playing with a Rubik's Cube that I got at Target. I decided I want to become a person who can solve a Rubik's Cube really fast. And so like maybe that's enlightenment, but that's not that's not my confession. My confession is that I had basically a parenting existential crisis in Costco. And I almost betrayed one of my like deeply held core beliefs while I was there. And I came very close and I want to talk about it.

So the other day, I went to Costco with Sebastian, and I offered to bring Augie along, but he was being grumpy and didn't want to go. He just wanted to stay home and watch TV. And finally, I was like, forget it. I'm not going to drag reluctant five-year-old to Costco. Like, what could be worse?

Shanna

Very little, right? Smart decision.

Laura

Sebastian, on the other hand, he was rare in to go. He really wanted to go to Costco. He was very excited to go with me. So I was like, okay, we'll have some mommy Sebastian time. It'll be great. And when we got there, we were going through the aisles and he's asking about toys and I'm like, we're not going to get any toys. And then I walked by the clothing section and I was like, oh, but you know what? You need new pants. Like you desperately need size three, like three T pants. Let's see if they have any so we're going through the aisles, you know the piles of clothes, you know the haphazard collection of random items trying to find 3t pants. Spoiler we did not find any 3t pants, but what we did find was a table just piled high with kids shirts that were either Disney or Marvel branded. Okay, so they were superhero shirts and Disney themed shirts.

Oh, and actually they had Jurassic Park shirts too, which is like a completely different universe. But anyway, there were a bunch of branded t-shirts for kids. And I walked by and Sebastian was like, ooh, ooh, and I was like, okay, you know what, sure, you could use some new shirts. And the child is obsessed with Spider-Man, so I thought for sure he would go for the four pack of Spider-Man shirts or maybe the four pack of Jurassic Park shirts that were there too, right? But he instantly laser beamed in on the four pack of frozen shirts.

Shanna

Oh, okay.

Laura

Anna, Elsa, Olaf, Sven, those types of shirts, that kind of frozen. They were not actually in the frozen section of Costco.

Shanna

They just had icicles hanging off of them.

Laura

Yeah, they were a freezer pack, like a gigantic freezer pack of plain t-shirts. No, frozen, the well-loved children's musical cartoon. I'm sure you're all familiar. Sebastian is very familiar with this. He's very into frozen these days. And he was very excited to see the shirts. And I looked at them and they're like white and light purple and pink. And they have Anna and Elsa on most of them. And they had little frilly cap sleeves. And my first thought was, those are girl shirts, right? Like the little label that held all four of them together had a little girl modeling them. My initial thought was like, oh, I can't get these for him. They're girl shirts. And I was like, ooh, that's not what I believe, right? Like I'm all about like gender is a construct and he can wear what he wants and clothes aren't for boys and girls. They're just clothes.

But I found myself standing there being like, are you sure? Are you sure you want these? Because in my mind, I can't help but think like, oh, our kid's going to start making fun of him, like maybe not three year olds, but like maybe Augie's friends would like snicker at them or something. Or like, I didn't know what my mind started spiraling to like, I don't know if I should buy him these shirts because they're quote unquote girl shirts.

Shanna

Right. And I know how, like, important that is to you. And I know that that is something you truly believe. But isn't it interesting, like, how society's messages can still seep into our brain and our subconscious and come out when we least expect it?

Laura

Absolutely. And I was biting my tongue because my instinct was to be like, oh, but those are girl's shirts, honey. Don't you want this, you know, Spider-Man shirt? Even though I know logically I don't believe that, but that's like what wanted to come out of my mouth. I feel very proud that I did not say that. I did have to kind of like check myself because I was like, you know, I was like, is that really what you want? And then I was like, just let him buy the shirts. And so finally I was like, you know what, fuck it. Like, we'll buy the shirts. And now they are his favorite shirts. He had to wear them to bed that night. He wanted to wear two at once. I didn't let him do that. I was like, let's let's parse them out. How cute. He wore them to school the next day. They are very cute. I will say I'm disappointed because the quality of the material isn't as good as the boys' shirts.

Oh my gosh, like I instantly noticed they were thinner and it just wasn't as like well put together as the boy shirts I usually buy. And I was like, well, that's bullshit. But anyway, I did buy him the frozen shirts. He absolutely loves them. He's been wearing them to school. But yeah, I almost almost betrayed my core belief right there in Costco.

Shanna

Yes, but you caught yourself. So that is wonderful. Does he love wearing the shirts with the princesses on them or does he more like an Olaf kind of guy?

Laura

Yeah, he loves the Anna and Elsa stuff. Like Anna, I think is his favorite, but he does like Elsa too. But yeah, he likes Olaf and Sven and whatever, but they're not the main characters, you know, and he's not leaning towards them because they're the male characters. He's all about Anna and Elsa.

Shanna

Aw, so cute.

Laura

What a little cutie pie. He is, oh, he's so cute. And like, it's so interesting when I see him in these little quote unquote girl shirts. It does make him look kind of feminine. Like for a moment, I'm like, ooh, is this what it would be like to have a girl? It's so silly, but it's so weird how our brains work. But he does look so cute in his little frozen shirts. Aw, no caps, leaves. Frilly, yes. Okay, Shanna, but do you have another mom confession?

Shanna

Oh, I do. Okay, which one of these is true? I took children's medicine or I love using kids' mouthwash.

Laura

I took children's medicine recently, so that's plausible. I can tell you that story in a sec if yours isn't true. I don't know. I remember children's mouthwash being kind of gross. So I'm going to go with you took children's medicine. Two for two, Laura.

Shanna

Ding, ding, ding. You are right. Children's mouthwash is sick. My kids love it, though. We're always getting like grape and watermelon and stuff. And I'm just like, oh, what is the point of this? But anyway, OK, so I did take children's medicine because I was in a pickle. And here's what happened. So the other day I started having some kind of allergic reaction like on my face and like really, really itchy. And I didn't know what it was. Like sometimes I get allergic reactions from like balloons and stuff because I'm allergic to latex. And I was like, oh yeah, I use like a balloon to like try to grip something. I was trying to twist out. Like I was trying to untwist like the something off my chair and use it as a gripper. And so I was like, oh, it could be that. I'm like, maybe it was like this eyelid tape that I was randomly trying on a lark.

Like sometimes I have reactions to adhesive things. I don't know if you remember my adhesive mustache story from ages ago. So anyway, I didn't know what it was, but I was like, ooh, I better stop this before it gets bad. But I had already taken my own allergy pill for the day. Like I take Allegra, and I didn't want to take another one of those. And I didn't want to take a Benadryl because that would make me sleepy in the middle of the day. And I guess I didn't want to go anywhere and get some new medicines. So I was just like, oh, we have kids liquid Claritin. Like, let's see if I can figure out how to do that. So I looked up how much I should take and poured it into a little dosage cup and slurped down some grape Claritin.

Laura

Ooh, grape did taste good.

Shanna

Yeah, that one, yeah. Yeah, I don't mind the old grape kids medicine. Just don't give me grape mouthwash.

Laura

Yeah, I don't know. I didn't even like mouthwash like kids mouthwash when I was a kid. So I'm glad that's not true because I would have had to question our friendship, Shanna. Question your taste. So I actually also had to take kids allergy medicine recently, but I took Benadryl. It was like Oh, I don't know. A couple weeks ago when I was worried I was having an allergic reaction, but it was nighttime. So I was like, you know what? I'll take a Benadryl and I couldn't find my adult Benadryl. And so I had to like go and do some calculations about how much I had to take. I had to drink so much. I had to drink so much of this freaking Benadryl.

Shanna

Oh my gosh.

Well, yeah, I mean, it's all the same medication, you know, it's just different dosages and stuff. So it worked out well. I just felt a little silly drinking out of that tiny little dosage cup. Yeah, for sure. All right, what's your next mom confession?

Laura

Okay, so this is a confession about shared interests. Am I secretly sad that Augie has turned into a cat person? Or am I secretly hoping that Augie hates tennis?

Shanna

My immediate reaction is that you're secretly hoping he hates tennis, because why would you be sad about him being a cat person? Like, because you love cats, and it's so cute to see him snuggle them. And maybe you're a little bit like, oh, I want Augie to share some kind of hobby with me, not Corey. So down with tennis, I say.

Laura

You're actually wrong. Oh, what? Okay. So first of all, I'm hoping he likes tennis because tennis is like such an easy sport from like a parental perspective. No, you know, sitting in bleachers for five straight hours. No, like, not a lot of equipment. You know, it's just like, I feel like it's not as high intensity as some of these other sports that he could be getting into. So I'm actually hoping he likes tennis. No, here's the reason I'm secretly sad that Augie is suddenly a cat person. So I'd say like over the last year or so, Augie has really taken an intense interest in the cats and become so attached to them. And I mean, it is adorable because he is so, so excited to see the cats, to talk about the cats, to play with the cats, to give the cats treats. Like he's always telling me to do stuff with the cats. Like he'll be like, Mama, look, Magnus is so cute.

Look at him right now, and if I don't look, he's like, Mama, look how cute he is, you know? And I mean, he loves Magnus especially, probably because Magnus just sits in like the same spot all day and sleeps, so it's very easy to cuddle with him, like being with him. Cows a little bit more skittish and running around. And so like he always wants to go snuggle with him and be with him and he's always talking about cuties and how much he loves him Here's why I'm sad about it Magnus is old Shanna. I see where you're going like super old He's 17. He's not always been the healthiest cat Apparently he's doing okay according to his last checkup, but like You know, he's not gonna be with us forever. And all of a sudden, I'm like, shit, he is getting so attached. Like, Augie is getting so attached to Magnus, it will devastate him when Magnus dies. Like, it's gonna be so hard for him.

And I'm just like, damn, it would be so much easier if he didn't care, you know?

Shanna

Oh, that is so hard. You got to start reading those books ahead of time. What were the ones we talked about? Like the- Lifetimes. Lifetimes, something about the invisible string, those types of things, kind of prime him for what he comes. Because yeah, that is going to be really hard.

Laura

The interesting thing is, you know, we had read those books and talked about them when my dad died about a year and a half ago. But, you know, Augie didn't know my dad that well. You know, he barely remembered him. He hadn't really seen him that much. He'd seen pictures, but it's not like he knew that much about Pop Adam, right? But Magnus is there every day. You know, like Magnus is a really big part of his life. And it's kind of ironic. But it's just weird to think that like we practiced quote unquote when my dad died, but like it didn't really, it wasn't that impactful. But I like, I don't feel like it was enough. Like it's not going to be enough. You know, like he's not going to know how to handle it. So I'm just hoping Magnus hangs on till he's a little more mature.

Shanna

Yeah, that would be good. Well, I'm glad he got a good clean bill of health at his last visit. That's good.

Laura

Honestly, the vet was shocked. Like, we got you his senior panel, his senior blood panel. And he's gotten really skinny, he sleeps all day, he's old. And I got a call from the vet once the levels came back. And she was like, well, he looks good. I gotta say, I don't usually see this very much on senior cats like him. But yeah, he looks really good. Oh my word. I'll take it.

Shanna

Yeah, that's good. Are we supposed to take our cats to the vet every year? Yeah. Yeah, I'm a new account owner. I know nothing.

Laura

Yeah, it's just like the dogs, you know, you got to go. You don't necessarily you don't have to get blood work every year or anything. It's like you go, they get their check up, they get their vaccines and all that stuff.

Shanna

Oh, right, right, right, right, right.

Laura

OK, good to know. It should be fair, mine go like 18 months, you know what I mean? Like I forget to schedule and all that stuff. But ideally, yeah, every year. Yeah.

Shanna

Well, it's really sweet that he loves the cat so much. Take lots of pictures and videos now, so he has lots of wonderful memories. We always love seeing pictures of Chile come up on our digital photo frame, you know, just like the girls who go, oh, Chile. And it's nice to have that memory. Oh yeah. I've got lots of photos.

Laura

We'll post them on social.

Shanna

Yes.

Laura

But that's it for our mom confessions this time around.

Shanna

Yes, it is.

Laura

Shanna, shall we move on to our next segment? Yes, we should.

Shanna

We are back and we wrap up every episode with our weekly Big Fat positives or Big Fat negatives of the week. Laura, you're up first and I wanna know what do you got? I have a BFP. Okay.

Ding, ding, ding.

Laura

I don't know why I'm embarrassed to admit this BFP. Okay. Okay. My BFP are crocs, the footwear. Okay, for you or your kids? For my kids, although it's just a matter of time now, I feel like shot. It's just a matter of time. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So here's the story, right? We were trying to get Augie out of the house because of the potty training situation, right? We're trying to be able to focus on Sebastian and Corey had taken him to go see a movie in the morning. And then in the afternoon, I was like, let's swap. I'm going to take Augie to the mall to get some shoes because this child for some reason has no shoes. Like we think we have shoes for him. We can never find the freaking shoes or they're too small or they're too big. They're just not the right shoes or he doesn't like them or they're too narrow.

And I was like, we just need to go to the mall and do an old fashioned shoe shopping situation. None of this buying online and realizing it's the wrong size. Like you need to go in. We're going to step on the weird metal-sizer thing. Find out your actual size and try on some real shoes, right?

Shanna

It's so funny. I've come to the realization, too, that shoes for kids just can't be bought online like reliably. Like I've come to the same thing. It's like we have to go to the store and try on these shoes.

Laura

It seems like it, right? Like I've had just bad luck buying them online lately. For him, especially for Sebastian, it's less. Well, I mean, for Sebastian, he has all these hand-me-downs, you know? But even now, it's starting to get to the point where the hand-me-downs that are coming down from Augie and his size are like absolutely wrecked because, you know, he was a more active older kid at that point and his shoes are not in good shape. So, Yeah, they both needed shoes, but Augie really needed shoes. He was really like down to basically one pair that fit him reliably. So off to the mall we go. And it was a fun little adventure, just the two of us. Like we've never really gone shopping together at the mall like that, looking for something for him. And of course, he's picking all these things off the, you know, the walls of these shoe stores, being like, I want this, I want this.

And I'm like, oh, those are $90. No, we're not doing that. You're not getting like kid Air Jordans, right? But the point is, we eventually, we kept striking out. We went to Skechers, they were all too narrow for him. He's like kind of, it's not that his feet are wide, but his like instep is tall. You know, so like the, so like if you measure around his foot, which he won't let me really do because he gets ticklish and like won't listen still. But if you measure that that instep it's big so like a lot of these shoes aren't actually fitting in it so he needs wider shoes. So we end up in a kid's foot locker or something we're looking and we walk in the front of the store and there is a display of just a ton of kids shoes but right in front are some pokemon crocs. Pokémon got his attention and it's so funny because my first instinct was like, I'm not buying you branded shoes.

I'm not paying a premium for branded Pokémon shoes. You can just have some normal shoes. But he was so excited by them. So I'm like, okay, well, we'll try them on, right? We'll see. But in my mind, I'm thinking Crocs, they're like kind of loose and hard to walk in. Like in my mind, I had them built up to be like kind of tricky for the kids. I don't know why. Like I thought that he would have trouble because it's not like snug, right? Like it's a little like, you know, kind of loosey-goosey in there. But he tried on the Pokemon Crocs and he fell in love. And I was like, who am I to get in the way of true love, right? I will pay the $60. to buy these shoes that he's gonna grow out of. I know I know I was like really I haven't bought myself anything cost that much money in so long but I did it I bought it does he wear him with socks so here's the thing he wears them every day now

Regardless of rain or shine, if it's raining, he does wear socks. I've tried to explain to him that they're not really rain shoes, but he does not listen. He freaking loves these things. But here is why it's my BFB, not just because he loves them. But because now I have seen the light with crocs, Shanna. I'm here to admit that I was wrong. First of all, he can walk perfectly fine in them. He doesn't have any trouble. I don't know what it is. Why I had such a negative view of Crocs. I feel like there was just all this like stuff in the zeitgeist. That's anti croc, right?

Shanna

I think just because they're like kind of big and bulky and dorky looking, you know, but I think they're pretty practical.

Laura

But I also kept hearing about like, oh, toddlers are getting their toes cut off in escalators because of crocs. Like shit like that was coming up on my feet. Yeah. Like bad news stories about crocs. So I never bought crocs. But I'm here to tell you that now my both my children have at least two pairs of crocs in the last week. They can put them on by themselves shanna like it's a revelation. I had bought them all these other shoes with like super simple velcro and whatever they still could never get them on and off themselves or whether they had the ability they never wanted to mama help me. Now with the crocs, we're free. We're free. They can do it by themselves. And I'm just like, hallelujah.

Shanna

Nice. Is it because it has that like hooked strap in the back, you know, that can kind of open down?

Laura

It's just simpler. I don't know. I'm assuming that our listeners all know what crocs are. But if you're in a different country or have no, just have not heard of them crocs, they're like, rubber clogs basically, right? With a little strap that can either go in the back or you can fold it forward and it can be just clog like. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, I am here to 100% admit that I was wrong that crocs are the way. And if you're on the fence, this is your sign that crocs are the way. And another thing I discovered is that Nordstrom Rack has them for like half off. They just usually have like a wall of crocs. So if you're not looking for the name brand Pokemon, I mean, they're name brand crocs, but you don't want like the branded stuff. You don't care if it's just like colorful. Check out Nordstrom Rack if you have one near you. So yeah, we're on the croc train.

Shanna

You're making me want some crocs. I know.

Laura

I kind of want one now too. Like I need a pair just so I can slip them on and off or like going outside to grab something, you know, like grab the mail or whatever. So we might become a croc family soon. That's what I'm saying.

Shanna

All right. Well, that's exciting news, Laura.

Laura

Yes. We potty trained, but more importantly, we found out crocs are awesome. All right. How about you? Do you have a BFP or a BFN?

Shanna

I have a BFP.

Laura

Good.

Shanna

This also has to do with Elle. So I guess this is an Elle heavy week. I am so proud of her because she has been taking this tumbling class. Since when did I sign up? I don't know, September or October. She goes a couple times a week and she was in the fundamentals, which is basic, like tumbling things, you know, front rolls, cartwheels, like really perfecting those moves and stuff. And this studio requires you to pass a test showing all the skills that you know before you can move on to the next level. So she has been working really hard to pass so that she can go on to the more advanced level. And the first time she took the test, like a month ago, she actually did not pass. And she was, you know, she felt kind of bad about herself, but the coach was like, look, I'll let you take one beginner class a week and one like a little bit more advanced class.

Like let's do one and one for a little bit, but you need to pass this test again. And so she's been working really hard and she took the test again this week. And she was so nervous about it. It was right after her class, the coach came in, was like, you ready to do your test? And, you know, she's like, yes. And I was like, it's OK, Elle, like, whether or not you pass, it doesn't matter. You're just fine. If you get too nervous, take a deep breath and, you know, tell yourself that you're OK. And she's like, OK. So I'm in the observation waiting room. I mean, I can't go out onto the mats or on the floor or anything. I always watch her through a window. And I'm watching her do her test and she

Did like the easier stuff, you know with great ease and then there's a tricky move that she didn't get right away And I could see her getting like really upset and getting worried and I saw her take this deep breath like I told her to she's like And she centered herself And she did it again. It wasn't quite perfect, but the coach let her try it a couple more times. And then the coach was like, that's it. Okay, test is over. And they came back in and she came up to me. She's like, I don't think I passed. And I was like, oh, well, that's okay. And the coach came up and she's like, she passed. And I was like, I did. And she was like, yeah, you can move on to the more advanced class now. And she's like, oh my gosh. She was so happy, Laura. She's like, I'm so happy. I think I could

cry from happiness and oh it's a mom that just like makes your heart sing so I'm really proud of her for you know sticking with it failing the first time but not giving up and you know keeping going such a great lesson to learn as a kid so very very proud of her.

Laura

Totally this reminds me of what your mom said last week about your flute incident when you were what was that middle school when you were trying out or high school when you're trying out for the band

Shanna

Yeah, sixth grade.

Laura

Oh, there you go, sixth grade. And she was saying that you were so good at everything up to that point that she was worried that when something really hard happens, we're going to know how to handle it because you were so good at everything that you've never had any challenges. And it was good to have some challenge that you overcame.

Shanna

Absolutely.

Laura

It sounds like she's getting that. She's getting to learn how to persevere, which is awesome.

Shanna

Yes, yes, I feel like that lesson is really good for her and good for kids in general, because I really was devastated by that failure in sixth grade. And I don't think I really knew what to do with that or how to overcome that. So yeah, that's a great lesson for her.

Laura

Awesome. Well, I want to see her moves next time we're together. I want to see her do her tumbles. Oh, I'm sure she would gladly show you all of them for sure.

Shanna

She loves to show them off.

Laura

Wonderful.

Shanna

But yeah, that's it for me, and I think that's it for our show.

Laura

Unless you have a five-star review to read. You know I do. All right. This is from Amber C 1993 on Apple Podcasts. The title is My Favorite Podcast, Five Stars. I discovered this podcast in 2021 when I was pregnant with my first and quickly binged each episode. Now with my second, I'm re-listening to each episode week by week. Now I get two episodes a week. Sean and Laura feel like real friends. They keep me laughing and feeling good and sane during this crazy experience we all call parenting. Oh Amber, thank you so much for leaving that great review.

Shanna

Yeah, thank you Amber. That's so wonderful. Yes, we are here for you through thick and thin. Listeners, if you haven't had a chance yet to leave us a five-star review, could you please do us a favor and head on over to Apple Podcasts, leave five stars and say a few things you love about the show and we might read your review on an upcoming episode. And if you have any mom confessions you want to share with us, you know we would love to hear those. Laura, where can everyone find us?

Laura

We're on TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook at BFP Podcast. We have a website, BigBatPositivePodcast.com. And if you want to send us an email, you can always throw a voice memo in there. We absolutely love those. Just send it to contact at BigBatPositivePodcast.com. And if you want to join the coolest group of people on the internet and want to get some exclusive content from me and Shanna, Just search Facebook for Big Fat Positive Community. It is a private group, so you need to request a join and make sure you answer those two membership questions so we know you're not a robot. Once you do that, you'll be sent straight through to all those wonderful conversations we're having in there.

Shanna

Our show is produced by Laura Birek, Shanna Micko, and Steve Yager. Thanks for listening, everyone. Have a Big Fat Positive Week. Bye. Bye.

What if My Son Wants to Wear “Girl” Clothes? – Ep. 301

April 8, 2024

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What if My Son Wants to Wear “Girl” Clothes? – Ep. 301

April 8, 2024

Listen Now:

Episode Gallery

This episode's sponsors:

Whisker Litter-Robot

Once Upon a Dance

Tags

Episode Transcript