Ep. 279 – Trying to Conceive When Money Is Tight

Shanna:

Hi. Welcome to Big Fat Positive with Shanna and Laura. On this week’s episode, we have our weekly check-ins. We have our special segment Checkin the Inbox where we answer listener questions about money, memories, modeling, and more, and we wrap it up with our weekly BFPs and BFNs. Let’s get started.

Well, hello, everyone, and welcome to episode two79. Laura, come in, Laura.

Laura:

Shanna.

Shanna:

Hi. Hello. How are you? What’s your check-in for the week? What’s life like over there in ol’ Glendale?

Laura:

Well, I’m gonna sing you a little tune, and you can tell me what we did this week. Ready?

Shanna:

Okay.

Laura:

It isn’t going down like that.

Shanna:

It isn’t going down like that. Oh, you saw the PAW Patrol movie.

Laura:

We sure did. So as mentioned in last week’s episode, I think I said that we had to wait a week to go see the PAW Patrol movie. And we went this weekend, and the boys had so much fun. It was Auggie’s second movie in the movie theater. He actually went and saw the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie back in the summer during his summer break when we were trying to do daddy camp. That was one part of daddy camp. But I had never been to the movies with him, and Sebastian had also never been to a movie theater.

So it was high time. I mean, to be honest, two and a half is pretty young for a movie theater, but he still wanted to go and I wanted to go with him. And I figured what better movie than the Paw Patrol, Mighty Pups? I don’t know. What was it called? Mighty… it wasn’t mighty pups. It was The Mighty Movie. Is that what it was called?

Shanna:

That sounds familiar. Didn’t commit that one to memory.

Laura:

I was actually pretty shocked because I haven’t been to a kid’s movie in the movie theater in a while. And I didn’t realize how much bullshit happened before the movie came on.

Shanna:

Do you mean the trailers?

Laura:

No. No. No. I love a trailer. No. fivethey did a whole music video from the movie before the actual movie. Did that happen in your theater?

Shanna:

Oh, yes. Yeah. It was like a special bonus little short. Yeah.

Laura:

And I’m like they’re showing us the whole movie right now. The kids didn’t notice, but I was like, spoilers.

Shanna:

Oh my word.

Laura:

I was very confused by it. They did also have a little short that was like a Dora the Explorer short, which was not a winner, in our theater.

Shanna:

Really?

Laura:

My boys didn’t really care one way or another. They were just sort of like, when’s the movie starting? There was a lot of discontent from the kids around us in the movie theater. They were like, what is this? This isn’t Paw Patrol. There were a lot of kids, older kids and stuff who were saying this is dumb. This is stupid. I was just like, oh my god.

Shanna:

Now that went over differently in our crowd. So if you haven’t seen it yet, Dora comes on, and it kind of invokes audience participation. You have to be like, “Swiper no swiping.” Right? And, the whole audience was into it. I mean, even me and Steve were like, “Swiper no swiping.” “Swiper no swiping.” So I’m sorry to hear that It bred discontent in your audience.

Laura:

It was just crickets when it came to the audience participation part. It was so funny. Oh Dora. Poor Dora. Just a different vibe in that Glendale crowd, I guess.

Shanna:

I guess so. Yeah.

Laura:

But the other thing that I didn’t realize, having not been to a kid’s movie in a while, was just how much commentary you get from everyone around you. I was cracking up because there were some 7 or 8 year old girls behind us who I think were dragged along by their younger siblings. fivethey were definitely getting into that age where they were acting too cool for Paw Patrol at first, at least. Right? They were making comments about how things were predictable. Right? They were like, we knew that was gonna happen. By the end of the movie, they were engaged, though, so I feel like it won them over.

But enough about strangers. I’m here to talk about my children. We went with Auggie’s BFF, which was super cute, and his parents. And, at some point, they all smooshed together on a seat, and they were all cuddling. Auggie’s friend kept being like, it’s getting scary. Hide. Hide. And had his mom’s sweater to hide behind. But the cutest thing was Sebastian’s reaction to being in the big movie theater. So we went in, he was like, It’s big. He’s like, we watch whole movie. We watch whole movie. I’m like, yeah.

Shanna:

Oh, is that something you prepped him for?

Laura:

Yeah. We’re like, we’re gonna sit through the whole movie, we’re not gonna run around, and I feel very proud of myself for picking seats that were in the first row of the stadium seating. That were right in front of the little railing. You know?

Shanna:

Oh, yeah.

Laura:

So he could actually stand up and walk around without it being disruptive to the whole movie theater because it was pretty packed. I mean, it was like the number one movie, I think, a couple weekends in a row. Right? So that was key because he did not end up sitting through a whole movie. He was walking around a little bit, but he did really well. Auggie happily sat through the whole movie with his buddy. But it was so cute because he had all these audible reactions to things. fivethings would happen on screen. He’d go, wow. And then he’d go, that’s no good. That’s no good. fivewhen things would catch fire. That’s no good. And any little thing like Chase getting his mighty powers.

Shanna:

Wow. Oh, adorable.

Laura:

I’m gonna send you a few pictures and a video.

Shanna:

Alright. Here we are. Oh. Oh, how cute. Corey holding hands with little Sebastian walking into the movie. Here you all are in your seats. Sebastian looks very into whatever’s going on on the screen. So does Auggie.

Shanna:

Aw. Little cuties sitting together. Alright. Let’s see this video.

Laura:

So the video is after the movie during the credits.

Shanna:

Dance party at the front of the theater. Oh my gosh. So fun.

Laura:

It was. It was just a very fun afternoon, and I anticipate a lot more of them in the future because now that we know that they can tolerate movies I love going to movies. I I love going to kids’ movies. fiveI love doing it all. So, yeah. I think we’ll be going to more movies in the future.

Shanna:

Yeah. Awesome.

Laura:

And then the bonus of it is that Down Like That song that is the featured single of that movie. Oh my god. That has been playing nonstop in our house ever since we saw the movie.

Shanna:

Oh, yeah.

Laura:

Auggie’s creating all kinds of really elaborate dance moves to go with it, and he wants me to stop in the middle, go back to the beginning so he can keep choreographing.

Shanna:

Oh, okay.

Laura:

Okay. I’m going to send you another video. Hopefully, it comes through because it’s a little long. And I apologize to our listeners. This is not gonna make it onto our website or our socials because well, you’ll be able to tell our listeners why in a moment.

Shanna:

Alright. Let’s see. Oh, dancing oh, naked little Sebastian. Auggie is fully clothed though, and he is doing some serious moves. Oh, we’ve got some oh, oh, it looks like break dancing, maybe some cartwheels.

Laura:

Yeah. He’s been doing this break dancing thing. It’s so funny. At some point, Corey was like, where did you learn those moves? And he was like, it’s like in Make Them Laugh from Singing in the Rain? It’s from Singing in the Rain.

Shanna:

What? Break dancing in Singing in the Rain?

Laura:

Well, there’s this famous dance sequence, in the song Make Him Laugh. That’s all pratfalls and physical comedy. And the guy does that really famous thing where he gets down on the floor on his side and runs in a circle basically on his side on the floor. Do you know what I’m talking about?

Shanna:

I can picture that. Yeah.

Laura:

But anyway, I may have the only four year old on the planet who picked up break dancing from an old musical.

Shanna:

What is that? 1940s, 1950s?

Laura:

Yeah. Apparently, 1952 according to Google.

Shanna:

Ah yes. That was the birth of breakdancing.

Laura:

But, anyway, that is it for us this week. Shanna, I wanna hear about your check-in, though.

Shanna:

Oh, okay. Well, I have a bit of an update.

Laura:

Oh, a loose end, if you will.

Shanna:

Yes. But I’m not saving it for a loose end segment. I’m gonna update you now, and it has to do with the team mom situation.

Laura:

Not teen mom.

Shanna:

Not teen mom. Team, t e a m. If you recall a few episodes ago, I was talking about the fact that I signed up as teen mom then found out there were two team moms, and then I did a bunch of administrative work and then found out I wasn’t allowed in the dugout to actually interact with the girls.

Laura:

Boo.

Shanna:

No team mom fun stuff, and I didn’t like that, and I didn’t know what to do about it. So, I’m here with an update.

Laura:

As everyone remembers, I was fully on team “quit that shit.” And that was complete BS. But I am curious what you did because I’m definitely conflict-avoidant and don’t handle these things perfectly every time. So I’d like to hear how you gracefully handled it.

Shanna:

Well, I don’t know if I’d use the word gracefully. “Handled it” is appropriate. So I sat on it for maybe another week or so and I was just like maybe I’ll just kind of ignore it and just go on with the back-end duties and try to make a good season for the girls and stuff. And one night, I woke up in the middle of the night, as you do sometimes, and just had the hardest time getting back to sleep. You know, one of those anxious nights, and so much stuff was running through my head. There’s always a million things. I’m completely overwhelmed all the time. But this particular issue just kinda kept replaying, and it kept bothering me.

And I was like, I gotta let this go. I don’t wanna keep thinking about this. I need resolution here. I don’t want this to keep me up at two AM anymore. So the next day, I was like, alright. I need to send a message. And I was talking to Steve about it, and he was giving me suggestions of what to say. He’s like talk about how you’re so busy with work, and you know there’s a second team mom who can really handle things. And otherwise, you would step up. And I was like, yeah. Maybe I could do that. And then at one point, I was like I’m just gonna keep this super simple because every other bit of communication I’ve gotten from these people has been super simple, cut and dry. So I’m just gonna match that level. So here is the message I sent to the coach and the other team mom.

Laura:

Okay. I’m curious to hear because my first instinct would be to do what Steve is doing and completely over explain everything.

Shanna:

Yeah. Right? I need to open up the app so I can actually read you word for word what I said.

Laura:

Yeah. We expect verbatim.

Shanna:

There is not a single exclamation point in this message. It’s all periods.

Laura:

What? Did you not spontaneously combust when writing this message?

Shanna:

I kind of did. Okay. So here’s what I typed. “Hi there. Just wanted to give you a heads up that I need to step back as a team mom this season because I’m overcommitted. Thank you both for everything you do for the team.” That’s it.

Laura:

Damn. Ice cold, Shanna. Wow. Okay.

Shanna:

It felt good.

Laura:

Good. I’m glad.

Shanna:

It also felt scary. I immediately turned off all notifications for that app. Did not check the app for several days, until we had practice coming up. And I was like, shit, man. I have to see these people. I gotta at least check-in and see what they said in response and be an adult about this. So I checked in before our practice.

Laura:

And?

Shanna:

Okay. Here’s the message from the coach. He actually replied back three minutes after I wrote that message.

Laura:

Oh my goodness. For three days. Okay. Question. In retrospect, do you wish you had just seen the message three minutes after and not had to Spend three days fretting about it, or are you happy you put it out of your mind and turned off notifications?

Shanna:

I was fine with turning off notifications. I think that was just like a temporary boundary for my anxiety, and that was fine for me to do. You know, it was a little bit of anticipation leading up to it. fiveoh, no. fiveright before I checked it. And so now that I see this message, yeah, maybe I feel a little differently.

Laura:

Okay. Let’s hear it.

Shanna:

The coach says, okay. If there’s anything you need, don’t be shy about asking if I can help you out in any way, I will. And thank you for everything you’ve done. Much appreciated. I was like, damn. That’s really nice.

Laura:

That was very nice.

Shanna:

Yeah, that was really nice. And then the other team mom just said, thank you, Shanna.

Laura:

Yeah. I have a feeling there’s some subtext there. I think it would be really funny if you took that coach up on his offer though and was like, actually, I really need help with grocery shopping this week. I just cannot get it done. Would you please do a run for me? Thank you so much for offering to help with anything I might need.

Shanna:

You know, I’ve been feeling shy about asking, but my lawn is really overgrown. If you could come over and mow it. That would be superb.

Laura:

Don’t you wish we could ask friends for stuff like that, though? fiveobviously, not this coach. He’s not a close enough friend, but I feel like it would be so nice if we could share household responsibilities in a way that is mutually beneficial. fiveif we could identify things that we hate doing but other people don’t mind. fiveI actually like folding laundry. If I have the time to do it, I will sit there and I have my little special folds I do. I like sorting it. fiveI find it satisfying. And maybe that’s because I also get to watch TV or listen to a podcast while I do it. But I know you do not like folding laundry.

Shanna:

Negative. Hate it. I’ll do your vacuuming, and you can do my folding.

Laura:

You know what? Have we talked about this before? Because now I’m remembering that you’ve offered to do my vacuuming before. I fucking hate vacuuming with a red hot passion.

Shanna:

I think because you said you like mopping, and I hate mopping. So we’re like, we’ll trade that.

Laura:

That’s right. Trade. The problem is you’ve gotta vacuum before you mop. You know?

Shanna:

Yeah. It’s a real pain in the ass.

Laura:

That is tricky. Sidetrack. So, very gracious from the coach and very curt is my interpretation from the other team, mom. Okay. So how was the actual practice that you had to attend in person?

Shanna:

I begged Steve to go in instead, and he so graciously agreed. So he took Elle to that practice. I was like, I just need a little bit more of a buffer of time with this. And he’s like, okay. But the game was awkward. It felt awkward to me, and I don’t know how much of that’s in my head. I think, really, it doesn’t matter that much. I really don’t think it matters to the coach. You know? I think he probably got what he wanted, really. It was just one less person to deal with. Maybe. I don’t know. The team mom, I still like her. I think she’s really nice. I think maybe there was a little bit of like, shoot, that sucks for me. So it wasn’t super friendly between us when I saw her at the game, but it was just like, hey.

Laura:

Okay. So how does it feel to no longer be team mom?

Shanna:

It was a little tricky at first because we do have this Halloween event coming up, and my first instinct was to start googling costumes that the girls could wear and thinking of things I could suggest, and then I was like, slow down, Shanna. This is the whole reason you stepped back so that you don’t have to be the one spending the time on this. So, that was hard for me. That was hard for me to step back. And aside from that, it feels good. fiveI feel like I honored my boundary, my personal feelings about the situation, and I feel good about that aspect of it and relieved that I don’t have to coordinate a lot of stuff for the rest of the season.

Laura:

I think that’s great. And I think all of those are valid feelings, and I’m just glad you’re no longer being put in a corner. No one puts Shanna in a corner.

Shanna:

That’s right. That’s right.

Laura:

No one keeps Shanna out of the dugout.

Shanna:

Yeah. Darn it. But it is a little bit sad that the season just turned out differently, that I don’t feel connected to the experience as much. The first year was a really nice sense of community and everything, and it’s just different now. And so I’m just learning to accept that and move on.

Laura:

Well, I’m glad that you are able to feel all your feelings and have space to move on, but I do think we need to move on.

Shanna:

Yeah. Let’s move on to our special segment.

Laura:

Okeydoke.

We are back, and our special segment this week is Checking the Inbox where we answer all the questions you’ve sent us. That’s pretty much it. There’s not a lot of mystery to this segment. It is very straightforward. So let’s get straight to it because we have a lot of questions.

And, actually, as usual, we will be putting this into two episodes because we got so many questions. We wanna make sure we answer all of them, and we definitely don’t have time in one episode. So jumping right in, we got this question from Alicia.

Alicia asks, my question is, is it wrong to be trying to conceive when you don’t have a ton of money, but just enough to get by? I’ve Googled it, and people say awful stuff online, but this is something I really want. Oh, Alicia. What a question.

Shanna:

Oh, that is a great question. And my answer is no. It is not wrong to be trying to conceive when you don’t have a ton of money. Look. There’s no perfect time in life to do anything really, especially having kids and starting a family, and especially when we have this certain window of time where we’re quote, unquote, able to get pregnant. There’s an expiration date on it. Right? We have to be honest about that, and putting it off forever isn’t necessarily going to help anything. I definitely didn’t have a ton of money when we got pregnant with Elle.

I was working part time. Steve had a full time job, but I didn’t. And it’s just like things will come together. That’s my personal take on it. Things will come together. Your life will unfold the way it’s supposed to unfold. And if growing your family and having a baby is something that you really wanna do and that’s really in your heart, I say go for it. No matter what, just go for it.

Laura:

Yeah. And I obviously agree with Shanna in that. I don’t think money should be a huge consideration or be something that stops you from having a baby because I do think having a family, if that’s something you really want, really transcends finances. You know? I’m gonna acknowledge that it’s easy for me to say this from my position of relative privilege. I have never lived in poverty. I’ve never been in a position where I didn’t have enough money to buy food to eat. So I recognize that I don’t necessarily have the lived experience to give a good answer for this because I feel like others might have a different take on this, depending on their background. That said, I also think capitalism is complete bullshit at this point. Also, buy the products, we advertise to you guys. But you know what I mean? I mean that in the sense that our society, at least in America, is not conducive to thriving financially right now.

Shanna:

Oh, especially right now.

Laura:

Especially right now. Inflation is terrible. You know, the wealth inequality is just off the charts. And now to add onto a thing like you don’t deserve to have this baby you so want because you don’t make enough money is so cruel.

Shanna:

Right.

Laura:

It’s so incredibly awful to think that that would be a barrier to you having the family and the love that you want. So for that reason, I say do not buy into this, you need to have a certain amount of savings and blah blah blah before you have a baby. I will say also there are social supports. There’s not as much as in other countries, but in America, there are social supports for parents, especially mothers who have low income. So there’s WIC, which honestly there should be zero shame in applying for and accepting these programs. So WIC is something that you can get while you’re pregnant To help you buy food, and it can help you buy formula or support your breastfeeding and buy food while you’re breastfeeding. And then look into all the social supports that you can get if you need them because they’re there to help you and help your child grow, and I don’t think there should be any shame or stigma about that.

So if that’s something where you can be like, oh, maybe I don’t have enough money to pay for formula, but I’m pregnant, I wanna have this baby, look into the supports because you might be able to… that might be a tipping point for you.

Shanna:

Yeah. And I wanna reiterate. There really is no shame in that. I have a feeling that a lot of the negativity you read online was maybe around that kind of stuff and people having babies in that type of situation, taking advantage of systems and stuff like that. I don’t know. But I just wanna say that there is no shame in that. If you’ve been working, you’ve been putting money towards those programs. You know? So there’s no shame in taking from them if you need to.

And also practically speaking, there are so many ways to get second-hand baby items. I know, Alicia, you mentioned in the rest of your message to us, that you got a lot of your baby supplies stuck at hand. You’re already getting prepared, and that is such a great way to prepare for a baby without spending a lot of money. You all know that I love my Buy Nothing Group, and people are constantly giving away clothes, diapers, nursery stuff. There are so many ways to do things on a low budget, and I got so much of my stuff secondhand when I had Elle. And, there’s no shame in any of it. Increasing the love in your life by having a child, if that’s something you really want, I think is just wonderful and valuable.

Laura:

Alicia, I hope you get pregnant soon, and I hope this doesn’t cause too much added stress.

Shanna:

Yes. Alright. Moving on. This next question, a lot of people asked about, so I’m gonna kind of combine. The main idea is, Laura, are you still breastfeeding? We got questions like are you still nursing Auggie? Are you still nursing Sebastian? Any plans for your breastfeeding journey? So, Laura, tell us all about your boobs, your magical boobs.

Laura:

It’s boob time, guys. Buckle up. So I have mentioned on the podcast, I think the person who asked wasn’t caught up, but I’ve definitely weaned Auggie. It’s done. He will occasionally snuggle up right next to my boo boos and say mama, your boo boos are so comfy. I feel like, mama, your boo boos are so warm. And I’m like, yeah. They are warm.

Sebastian, he is almost two three quarters now. And at this point, it’s mostly once in the morning, once or twice in the afternoon and night, depending on what’s going on. I have a new rule, newish for the last couple months where I’m not nursing him away from home. It’s just not happening. Every once in a while, we’ll be at a park or a friend’s house for a play date, and he’ll say booboo time? And I’m like, no. No kid. You’re fucking old. This is a home thing now. You know? And it’s not really a modesty thing, because everyone’s seen my boobs at this point. It’s just like, you’re old enough. We can wait. You know, it’s trying to sort of create boundaries. And my intention is to slowly create boundaries so that we can slowly wean off. I will say I have started getting a bit of an aversion to him nursing, or I don’t even know if I’d call it that. I just have to be doing something else while we’re nursing.

Because if I’m paying attention to what’s going on, I kinda get irritated at the sensation of it, which is probably my body being like, you’ve been doing this too long. You need to stop. Unfortunately, the child is still very into boo boo time. In fact one of the boundaries I’m trying to do is I’m trying to alternate mornings, who gets up with him. And if it’s a Corey morning, Oh, I’m sure our neighbors can hear it.

He walks in and he’d be like, good morning, Sebastian. He goes, No. I wanted mama. You know, he’s just like screaming. But he does get over it very quickly, and then we do booboo time when I come down, probably a half hour later. And, yeah. So I’m trying to sort of slowly pare down on it. I’m trying not to just go cold turkey, but we’ll see.

I don’t know. It depends on how long I can keep up with demand because there’s definitely less milk. There’s definitely days where he’s like, other side,other side? Or actually, he’ll be like, where’s my water? Where’s my water? And I’ll be like, it’s here right. And I’m like, is my milk salty or something. I’m wondering if it’s getting more concentrated. It’s making him thirsty. It’s making him thirsty, which is kinda strange. So we’ll see. The clock’s definitely ticking on that one, but it’s still going.

Shanna:

Alright.

Laura:

Okay. Our next question is from Holly. Holly asks, what age did you start practicing gentle parenting? Feeling like trying it with my 9 month old. Shanna?

Shanna:

Yes?

Laura:

What age did you start gentle parenting?

Shanna:

Probably when I was 36. Sorry, Holly. I know that’s not what you mean. Actually, I think I was 37. Anyway, so when Elle was 6 weeks old, I met for lunch with our friend Jen, and she told me about this parenting book she had been reading because she had a baby a year older than mine, called Elevating Childcare by Janet Lansbury. That’s the first time I ever heard of it. And she was telling me about some of the ideas behind it and stuff, and I was like, oh, wow. That resonates with me completely.

So I immediately got the book and read straight through it and started practicing it when Elle was 6 weeks old. The really cool thing about the stuff in that book is that it can completely be put into practice from the day your baby is born, really, because it’s just about treating the baby with respect, communicating with the baby, even as small as saying, “Can I pick you up? I’m gonna pick you up now.” You know, just kind of liked letting the baby know what’s coming. And so that stuff can be started really, really young, and 9 months old is not too late. Honestly, I don’t think it’s ever too late either. You know? It’s like there’s no perfect time to do it. Just like whenever it speaks to you and it feels like that’s something you wanna try out, go for it. So that’s my personal journey with it.

Laura, what about you?

Laura:

Yeah. I mean, I started from day one because you and Jen both prepped me for RIE parenting and respectful parenting. You know? You basically talked me up on it from before I was pregnant. You know, I got to watch you practice it with Elle when she was a little baby. You and I spent a ton of time together when Elle was an infant. So I got to watch you do all the gentle parenting stuff with her, and I feel like I got a little bit of a crash course, from watching you and Jen. So, yeah, I had read that book, Elevating Childcare, while I was pregnant, so I was ready to go.

I actually made Corey read it too. You know, what I will say is this idea of when to start and oh my gosh am I too late? If they’re saying they did it from day one, is 9 months too late? I think that honestly for the first year, it’s practice for you. It’s great for the baby. Right? There are some nice benefits for the baby definitely you know, babies bond to feeling respected and treated with care and all that stuff. Right?

But I do feel like it’s really good practice For when you end up with a toddler because that’s when it starts getting more challenging and more impactful.

Shanna:

Mhmm.

Laura:

So you’re training yourself in that first year so that it’s second nature when you have a toddler who’s screaming at you.

Shanna:

Good point. Really good point.

Laura:

Yeah. So, yeah, I really like that book. I think it’s simple and easy to read, and I think it’s a great place to start.

Shanna:

I agree. Alright. Our next question is from Sarah. Sarah says, Laura, if there are any credible resources for baby talent agents, I would so appreciate the info. We’ve had people mention we need to put him in commercials, and he’s such a happy baby. Laura, what would you say to Sarah?

Laura:

Well, this is actually a question I see come up in my Facebook mom groups a lot. And I will say I don’t wanna be that person who rains on your dreams, and maybe you do have the baby and the lifestyle that is perfect for this because there are people who this is a really viable choice. That said, for 99.9% of people, I would say that baby modeling and baby acting is truly not a plausible thing or even something you can fit into your life. It’s just not a great idea. And here’s why. First of all, I feel like you really need to live In a major metropolitan area, but more specifically LA or New York. Probably Toronto is another one or Vancouver or maybe Atlanta. I don’t know all the details, but you definitely need to be somewhere where there’s a lot of acting and modeling, like film shoots and photo shoots and stuff going on. Right?

Shanna:

Mhmm.

Laura:

And it’s also a very big time commitment with little to no notice. So what happens is let’s say you get a modeling agent, and I’ll list a couple names that I know are reputable at the end if anyone listens to all this and is like, yes, it still seems like a good idea. But, the thing that will happen is your agent will call you and be like, oh, you have a look see or you’ve got an audition across town instantly, Basically, they don’t care about baby naps. They don’t care what mood your baby’s in. They don’t care about any of that. You basically have to go where you’re told at the drop of a hat. So if you have a job as a parent, not a great plan.

Right? You have to have one caretaker. Or it could be a nanny, maybe if they’re legally allowed. There’s also rules. Right? There’s child labor rules. So your nanny may not be allowed to take your child to an audition, it might have to be a legal guardian. So you have to have a caretaker available twofour hours a day, 7 days a week To drop everything and take them to auditions. You don’t get paid for auditions. You don’t get paid for look sees.

And the other thing is you don’t really get paid that much for the actual modeling and film shoots. The only thing Auggie ever did was that one episode of Modern Family. And because he was a baby, even though he was a featured baby, he was still considered background, which is the extras. So he got an extra rate, which was $300 per day.

Shanna:

Oh.

Laura:

Which if you’re in a normal job and you get paid $300 a day, maybe that sounds like a lot because you remember you think you’re working full time. But the kid has $600 in the special bank account we had to set up just for him because there were also all these laws to protect kids and protect their earnings. We had to open this very special Coogan account for him that only he can touch when he turns 21 or whatever or 18. Not even sure. Anyway, he has $600 sitting in this random bank account because he did one job once. Right? Anyway, it’s kind of a hassle. It is definitely something you have to really, really want to do. Now if you listen to that and you’re like, great, this is still something we wanna do. A couple agencies in LA that I know of that are reputable for kids are Paloma, which is where Auggie was with and I had some personal issues with them, but they are a reputable agency.

Shanna:

Mhmm.

Laura:

Zuri is another one, z u r i. And I’m blanking on the name of another one, but there’s another big one.

Shanna:

I think it’s Osbrink.

Laura:

Oh, yes. That is it. That is it. So you have a really good friend whose kid is like a child actor, and they love it. Right?

Shanna:

They do. She’s like nine, though. Yes. And I think she got started when she was around four. And I I don’t really know what that lifestyle is like. I haven’t seen them in a while because they live on the west side, which feels like out of town. So yeah. I don’t know.

Laura:

Yeah. And they’re always busy from what I can tell with her plays and her shows and her shoots. And I think she has to get pulled out of school a lot probably to go to these things and it’s a big commitment. But anyway, I also want to warn that your baby is only a baby once, and you wanna enjoy just being with your kid. And sometimes when we start to get finances wrapped up in it and expectations that can get distorted. So maintain your relationship with your kid over anything else. They are probably the cutest child you’ll ever see in your whole entire life. And sometimes it’s okay just to share that with friends and family and not the whole world. Okay, Shanna. Dominique has a question for you.

Shanna:

Oh, okay.

Laura:

She asks, what makeup does Shanna use? It’s so illuminating.

Shanna:

Well, that’s the nicest question ever. Let me go get my makeup bag because I do not know. Hold on. Okay. I’m back. And since you specifically mentioned illuminating, I’m gonna assume you’re talking about skin, like skin makeup.

Laura:

I think this was a response to one of your Instagram stories you put up, and you did look very pretty and bright.

Shanna:

Aw. Thank you. Part of it is recording in front of an open window with sunlight. You gotta find your light. But I’m gonna be honest. I do not use anything fancy. I totally use drugstore makeup. I love watching makeup tutorials, but I just can’t afford and don’t wanna spend money on a lot of expensive stuff.

So anytime a makeup artist is like, this is a great product for a budget, I’m all over it. But my goat, my greatest of all time face thing is this Maybelline Dream BB Fresh BB cream. It’s just like a tinted moisturizer, basically that I use all the time. I really don’t wear foundation very often. So that is really what I put on. And this other thing I’ve been using that I love, I got this from a makeup TikToker, I believe, is the NYX Wonder Stick.

It’s like a cream contouring stick. It’s like contouring on one side, and then the other side is like a highlighter type makeup. So kind of a combination of that, and then they also make a blush. So I use that for the blush. So, really, that’s it. If I do use foundation, I really like this one I got at Target called Morphe2. It’s really, really lightweight. I cannot handle anything on my face that feels very heavy.

So I have to wear really lightweight stuff and not very much at all. So those are my secrets and also wash my face every night and wear my moisturizers and stuff like that. So there you have it.

Laura:

There you have it. Secrets of the stars.

Shanna:

Oh, I wouldn’t say that. Alright. What’s next? Oh, this is from Amber. Amber says, I have loved your fiction book recommendations. What are some of your faves right now? Laura, I’m gonna toss that to you because y’all know that I don’t read books. I want to in my best dream life, but I just don’t get around to it. So you, tell us, what are you reading?

Laura:

Okay. So what’s in my ears right now, and I can’t vouch for the entire book because I’m about halfway through, but it’s a book that was recommended by Virginia Sole-Smith. And because she recommended it so enthusiastically on her podcast, I ended up buying the actual Audible version instead of waiting for it to show up on my library account.

It is called When Women Were Dragons by Kelly Barnhill.And it’s fiction, but it’s sort of told as though it were real, like a real accounting Of something it calls the great dragoning of 1955. I think it was 55.

Shanna:

Mhmm.

Laura:

Where spontaneously 600,000 US women turned into dragons. Super interesting. I’m really enjoying it. The writing is so good. So that is what I’m currently listening to, and I definitely recommend it so far. Another one I absolutely loved was Romantic Comedy by Curtis Sittenfeld. I love everything she writes.

She’s so great. This one is just I mean, it is a romantic comedy, but it’s basically about a writer At SNL. It’s not called SNL, but it’s SNL. Everyone knows. Right? It’s like a female writer at SNL meets a hot famous musician and their sort of meet cute, and it’s a romantic comedy, and it’s really fun. It’s just a really, really fun listen, very well written. Highly recommend that one.

Shanna:

Oh, I need to read that. I checked it out from the library, did not open it once, and then returned it to the library. So I’ve really gotta get on that.

Laura:

You really do. You really do. And another one I listened to recently was Beautiful World, Where Are You by Sally Rooney. She also wrote Normal People, which is a book I read years ago, which is really interesting, but she’s an Irish author. And this book, it’s really interesting. It’s hard to explain. It’s very much like a slice of life about a group of friends in Ireland, and it was just a very touching and introspective and just very moving novel. It was very much a novel-novel.

You know? It’s a story about just a few people and what they do in their lives. It’s not big-world events or any of that. It’s just about their lives. But, I really, really enjoyed it. So, yeah, those were three hits recently.

Shanna:

I love something set in Ireland. Oh, I’ll have to check that out.

Laura:

I think you’d like it. And the audiobook is really good because it’s got a great Irish accent in your ears the whole time.

Shanna:

Oh, Love that. You know what? I just remembered I did read a book this year, and I loved it.

Laura:

So look at Shanna. What was that?

Shanna:

I gotta toss that out there. It’s Where the Crawdads Sing.

Laura:

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I read that a while back, and I found it enjoyable.

Shanna:

Yeah. Yeah. It’s not like a new cutting edge book or anything. It’s just something that’s been on my shelf for a while, and I picked it up, and I was hooked. And it was really, really good. The writing was so good, and the story was fabulous. So I recommend that.

Laura:

Okay, Shanna. We actually have a few more questions, but we are going to take a break and come back with them. What do you think?

Shanna:

Oh, yes. Indeed.

Laura:

Okay. We are back, and we have a few more questions. So speaking of recommendations, I know that you don’t have a lot of books to recommend, but you do have another niche, which is the subject of this next question

Shanna:

Mhmm.

Laura:

Allison asks, Shanna, I’m wondering if you could share more of your crime podcasts. Whenever you suggest them, I absolutely love them and binge them all. And as everyone knows, I can’t do the crime podcasts anymore, but, Shanna, this is your wheelhouse.

Shanna:

Oh, it is. And, oh, do I have some suggestions. Okay. I have listened to a few amazing ones this year that I wanna suggest. The first is In the Dark season two, specifically. I love this because it’s a little bit older and the entire thing is available. So you can get the entire story. You know, the beginning, the middle, the resolution. I mean they follow-up and you get all the follow ups and everything, and it is so good.

It’s basically about a man accused of a murder in a small town, who claims he is innocent and, following that whole story. Really, really good storytelling. Another podcast I love is The Opportunist. There are so many seasons. There are eight seasons available. All of them are so good, and they really follow more con artists, true crime stories, which I’m really into right now. Actual murder stories, I’m kind of like, yeah, not so much into as much. I really like con artists and stuff like that.

Season 1 is wild. It got me so hooked, and I just went straight through and listened to all the seasons. And the host is wonderful. I love her so much. And then the last one that I just listened to Seasons 1 and 2 of is a show called I’m Not a Monster. It’s a BBC series, and this journalist, Josh Baker, who really specializes in Middle East terror, like ISIS type of stuff, really digs into a couple of stories of women who kind of get caught up in Isis. Fascinating. Absolutely love it.

He is an incredible storyteller and I just love listening to that. So those are my three current suggestions.

Laura:

You know, those sound like ones I could get into too. Maybe not the In the Dark. I don’t know about In the Dark, because there’s murder involved, and I’m sensitive. I’m a sensitive soul. But scammers, I do like. I actually listened to Scamanda because eventually I had seen enough people suggest it. I was like, I better listen to this. And, of course, I loved it because I love a juicy scam just like the next person.

So Yeah. Okay. I’m gonna try The Opportunist.

Shanna:

Yes. Please. Let me know if you listen to it because I would love to talk to you about it.

Laura:

Okay. I will.

Shanna:

Okay. We have one more question. This is from Asya, and I’m sorry if I pronounce your name wrong. The question is, what would be your dreams for your kids’ professions in the future?

Laura:

Oh, that is a good question. I feel like I’m working really hard to not try and project any of this onto my kids. You know?

Shanna:

Yeah.

Laura:

Because I don’t wanna give, like I don’t I don’t want them to feel any pressure. Right? I want them to do whatever makes them happy, and I really truly do want them to just do that. I don’t want them to feel like they have to fit into some box, But I will say I have some ideas of what might be good fits based on their personalities as I know them now. For Auggie, I just really hope he can do something that taps into his imagination and creativity. We call him our little director. And, honestly, I could totally see him becoming a film director or a TV director because he is so good at telling people what to do and putting up story lines. A writer director, I could totally see being in his future.

And for Sebastian, He really focuses on arts, like visual arts and stuff like that. So I could see him doing something that has to do with drawing or design or any of that. He really likes doing arts and crafts. He will just straight up ask for it. Auggie never does. You know? And he’ll just be like, I wanna do art. I wanna do art. And he really focuses, and he likes to go back to old pieces and work. I call them pieces. Right? But he likes to go back to his old pieces of paper and modify things and add to them, and I’m like, oh, man. That’s so cool. Hopefully he can do whatever he wants, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he ends up in some kind of design field or even like architecture or something like that where he’s creating things.

Shanna:

Yeah. Aw, that’s cool.

Laura:

But, also, he’s two and a half, so who knows? How about you? Your kids are a little older, so they might have a little bit more clarity there.

Shanna:

Yeah. I think it’s very clear that they are both gonna become billionaire tycoons and buy me mansions around the world and islands. No. So let’s see. The other day, they were like, I wanna be a dentist. They both were like, I wanna be a dentist. And I was like, wow. That’s cool. That came out of nowhere. I had no idea either of them were interested in teeth. Oh, Elle actually said she wants to be an orthodontist, so I might have a couple of teeth doctors on my hands.

Laura:

My cousin Julie, from day one, when she could speak, said she wanted to be a dentist. Right? Both of her parents, my uncle and my aunt are also dentists, but she was convinced. And her brother was not that way. My cousin Steve never wanted to be a dentist, but Julie was like, I wanna be a dentist. We were always like, she’ll change her mind. She’s just modeling her parents, whatever. Nope. Nope. She is a dentist, to this day. So yes. You never know. You never know. And she loves it. She, like it’s her dream. She’s so happy.

Shanna:

I’m so jealous of her. I have always always wished I had that kind of laser focus on anything in my life, but specifically career path. You know, I’ve always been kind of just like, oh, I don’t know, I like this, chasing careers like they’re butterflies in the park. So I don’t know. I think that’s really a testament to how amazing our dentist is. The girls’ dentist is just incredible, and they love going there, so I think that might be it.

But if I were to go on personality and kind of what I’m seeing their strengths are, I can see Elle being a writer. She is an incredible reader and writer even in secpmd grade, and so I really think she would be good at writing books, novels, maybe even graphic novels, stuff like that. And Cece, as I’ve mentioned before, she’s shown an interest in music. And before, she said she wants to be a songwriter. So I could see something like that for her in the future.

Laura:

So cool.

Shanna:

But like you said, it really doesn’t matter to me personally. I don’t have any kind of prescription on what they need to do or what I want them to do. I want them to pursue their strengths and their passions and hopefully do something that makes them happy.

Laura:

I do think it’s funny because we are obviously people who went into creative fields ourselves, if not what’s making us money, but obviously our passions. And we both came up with these career aspirations for our kids that I feel like parents of a previous generation, those would have all been horror story. Right? Oh, yeah. Writing is never gonna make you money. Film director, that’s a pie in the sky. And I’m like, yeah. I think he’s gonna be a film director. You know?

Shanna:

Yes. Exactly. It’s like, you sure you don’t wanna major in finance for something to fall back on?

Laura:

Yeah. Tell me you live in Los Angeles and have a creative career without telling me. But, obviously, anything they choose to pursue will be fine with me, truly. I just hope it doesn’t take them really far away like to Antarctica or something.

Shanna:

Yes. No penguin researchers.

Laura:

You just jinxed yourself so bad.

Shanna:

Oh, that’s alright. I’m up for a trip to Antarctica.

Laura:

Alright. Shanna’s gonna go dig out her winter clothes, and we are going to take a break and come back with our final segment.

Shanna:

We’re back, and we wrap up every week with our big fat positives or big fat negatives. Laura, you’re up first, and I wanna know what you got.

Laura:

I have a BFP. Which is I have a seahorse now.

Shanna:

Okay. In an aquarium or what?

Laura:

His name is Sebastian, and, no, he’s not an actual seahorse, but he did just get upgraded to the seahorse level In his swim class, which is the next level up.

Shanna:

Oh, okay.

Laura:

And the reason this is my BFP is not just because it’s fun to watch him improve and get better. But, Shanna, the seahorse level does not require parental participation.

Shanna:

Oh, so now you can sit and watch instead of getting in the water?

Laura:

Indeed. I don’t have to get into the water every week, which it’s kinda bittersweet because it’s fun to get in the water with the kid and cuddle and do all this stuff together. But I have to say, it was kind of a slog to have to get into my suit and get wet and all that stuff. And we walked to swim class because we live so close to the gym that it’s held in.

Shanna:

Mhmm.

Laura:

I didn’t wanna have to go through the whole process of getting changed every time. So I would usually just throw a pair of sweats over my swimsuit and walk home, but I’d be walking home damp. So I’m happy to not have to walk home with a wet crotch and butt. You know? People wondering why I’m walking around, having peed myself or something. But here, I’m gonna send you a picture of him and his new purple swim cap that he gets because he’s a seahorse.

Shanna:

Oh, look at him with his purple cap. Aw. What a cute little seahorse. What’s the age range of kids in that group?

Laura:

So that particular it’s like the highest level in the baby group. They have it kinda split up into two separate groupings, the up to age three and the three and up. But the two other kids in his seahorse class are three and a half. So I think what happens is you kinda stay in Seahorse until you’re a little more confident, and then you move probably around right before you turn four into the upper level version of it. So, I mean, it’s really not that different. It’s just like a label. But it’s cute.

Shanna:

How is he handling being in the pool without you?

Laura:

You know what? It’s so much better. He’s so much more focused. I don’t know what it was. You know, to get us up to the seahorse level, they started doing more separation from me when we were in the pool. So the teacher would come and do the exercises with him instead of me to get him used to that. And I knew that it was gonna be better once he went 100% with the teacher because when we would do that in the other classes, he would do the stuff for the teacher. No problem. the dunks and the floating and all that stuff.

And when it came to doing it with me, he wouldn’t do it. He would refuse. He’d wanna play instead. He’d wanna stand on my shoulders. He’d wanna do all this stuff. I’m like, kid. So it’s so much better. He’s so much more focused, and he’s, I think, gonna make progress a lot faster.

Shanna:

Oh, good.

Laura:

He knows I’m a softie. You know?

Shanna:

Oh, yes. They know at a young age, and they take advantage.

Laura:

They do. They do. So, anyway, that is my BFP. That’s exciting. Yeah. It is. So how about you? Do you have a BFP or a BFN?

Shanna:

I have a BFP. It’s just a product that has been making our lives a little bit easier lately. It is the Brite Brush Interactive Smart Kids Toothbrush. Oh, okay. We actually got these a couple years ago. There’s an Elmo one. There is a Baby Shark one, and there is just a general one. And they’re electric toothbrushes, battery operated, and they kinda buzz and vibrate and stuff, but they talk as well and play games. So this one that Cece has we stopped using it for a while, but I found it in the closet last week. So I was like, oh, do you wanna use this one again? She’s like, yes. And she’s really into it now. And so you push the button, and Elmo’s voice comes on and was like, Hi. I’m Elmo. Let’s brush teeth. Push the button to pick your game. And you can cycle through a bunch of different brushing games. So one of them is like musical instruments. So she picks a musical instrument game, and Elmo says start brushing in small circles to play the drum. And she brushes in circles, and it plays the drum. If she brushes faster there’s more drums. You know? Oh. And then it’ll be like, time to switch sides, and then so she switches sides, and it can tell when she switches sides and then it starts vibrating reading and playing a different instrument. So she goes all around, and it’s probably about a two minute game cycle.

Laura:

I imagine since that’s the amount of time you’re supposed to brush teeth. Right?

Shanna:

Yeah. Which is 10 times the amount she usually brushes. So it’s great. And it’s so cute. She’s really into it. In the end, depending on how well you did, you earned stars. Right? It’s like, you earned 6 stars. And she does it herself, which is great.

But what really made it my BFP is that last night, she didn’t feel like brushing herself. She wanted me to do it. And, obviously, I’m a lot better at it and you know, I can really get in there and stuff. But she was so excited to play this game that she just opened her mouth and let me brush for two full minutes, and I got a really good scrub down. And I was like, I think this would be really helpful for parents who struggle with brushing teeth and kids don’t want that in their mouth and blah blah blah. So I wanted to mention it in case anyone else would find that useful.

Laura:

Okay. Some questions. Yeah. First of all, how much does this thing cost?

Shanna:

It’s $8.99 on Amazon.

Laura:

What? That’s it? That is not what I expected. Are the heads replaceable, or it seems like they wouldn’t be for that price?

Shanna:

They are.

Laura:

Oh, okay. Wow. This is I mean, this is extremely affordable. I did not expect that answer. I thought you were gonna say $54. That was my guess.

Shanna:

Nope.

Laura:

Alright. I might have to get these. My only concern is, my kids are actually okay at brushing their teeth, and I’m afraid that if we do this, they will come to expect it and then not wanna brush their teeth in a normal way. So that’s my only concern. But it does seem like it’s offloading the work. Like because what I do is I’m like, oh, is there a stormtrooper in there? We still do that, and they love it. Maybe Elmo could just do that shit for me.

Shanna:

Elmo can do that shit for you. The one downside is it is extremely annoying to listen to. It’s kind of loud. I get so sick of hearing Elmo’s voice. I am like, oh, I gotta go change my shirt. You know, to get out of the bathroom while she’s playing that game. So a couple years ago, we got one for each of them, and I guess Elle’s either broke or was lost or whatever. So I found this Elmo one again, and Cece’s been using it, but Elle is like, oh, that’s so cool. I wanna use it too. And I’m a big “let’s not share toothbrushes” person. But Steve doesn’t care. So when I’m not around, he’s like, okay, go ahead and use it after her. So they’ve both been using it. I’m like, oh my god. I just need to get another one for Elle. So I’m just here to say it’s enticing for kids of all ages.

Laura:

And you should probably have one for each kid. Well, duly noted. Well, I think that might be the end of our episode. What do you think, Shanna?

Shanna:

Yes. Yes. I think we should wrap it up. Listeners, if you have any thoughts, comments, or feedback on today’s episode or anything else in the world, please reach out. We love hearing from you. Laura, where can everyone find us?

Laura:

We are on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok at @bfppodcast. We have a website, bigfatpositivepodcast.com. And if you wanna send us an email with a question, include a voice memo if you do. We love those. You can send it to contact at big fat positive podcast.com. And if you wanna see some exclusive content from me and Shanna and you wanna join the coolest group of people on the Internet, just search Facebook for Big Fat Positive community. It’s a private group, so you need to answer the two questions so we know that you’re not a robot. But once you do that, you’ll be sent straight through to the amazing group we have in there.

Shanna:

Our show is produced by Laura Birek, Shanna Micko, and Steve Yager. Thanks for listening, everyone. Have a big fat positive week. Bye.