Ep. 276 – Feeling Judged As a Parent

Laura:

Welcome to Big Fat Positive with Shanna and Laura. This week, we have our weekly check-ins. We have our special segment, Gripe Water, where Shanna and I complain about party problems and passive aggressive parents, and we’ll close with our BFPs and BFNs for the week. Let’s get started. Hello, everyone. This is episode 276. Hi, Shanna. Hello.

Hello. Hello. So shall we get straight to it and find out what you’ve been doing this week?

Shanna:

Oh, sure. Sure. It was an uneventful week, but I have a couple exciting little things to check-in on.

Laura:

Please do.

Shanna:

The first is an activity that I started with Cece this week. A few weeks ago, back in the summer, I mentioned that I found a singing class for young kids, and I signed her up. Well, that started this week. When I talked about it before, I think I called it a choir. The program actually has for younger kids, like ages 3 and 4, more of an introductory program, and then she could start the choir when she’s 5.

So we’re in the introductory program. It’s called Super Singers, and it’s right around the corner from our house, so we can walk right over there after school on Mondays. And there were about one0 kids there and their parents. The parents are invited in Super Singers to sit with them and sing along if they want to. And I was really surprised at how nervous Cece was about being in this class.

Laura:

Oh, interesting.

Shanna:

I usually don’t see a shy side of her. Usually, I see her as pretty gung ho. So I was Interested to see that she was very clingy to me. I will say we started a week late. So everyone else had already been there and participated, and we were late. So maybe that was part of it, but it’s held in a little preschool room in this church behind our house. And so all the kids get to play with toys and everything beforehand while they’re waiting for everyone, and she was a little shy to play with stuff. Just part of me was like, I don’t care.

Be as shy as you want. I’m holding on to these clingy moments for the last couple months of her being 4 years old. So maybe I wasn’t encouraging her to branch out. But, yeah, it was really cute.

Laura:

Okay. So what was the actual class like?

Shanna:

So the teacher is this young woman who grew up in the singing program that we’re part of. So she sang with their choir for years, and she’s so sweet with the kids. And she’s like, okay, everyone, we’re gonna practice the song we learned last week. Frere Jacques. It’s in French and in English. And, CeCe is vaguely aware of that song, but doesn’t know the words completely. So I think that made her shy, but I was singing along too, and all the kids sang their little song and stuff, and then they sang the solfege, just like do re mi fa so la ti do. Like, practice that a little bit, matching tones and stuff. And then she started teaching them “Doe a Deer.” And was like, work on that for next week. And I was like, okay, I don’t know if she’s gonna memorize all those words for next week, but maybe we’ll just focus on Frere Jacques for now.

Laura:

That’s adorable. It’s making me wonder if Auggie might like something like this. Like, he’s constantly singing at home. Is CeCe like that?

Shanna:

She sings a lot. She mostly really loves singing to songs that we listen to and is always like, “I sang that whole song!” And she really loves listening to music and singing along with it. I wouldn’t say she makes up her own songs or anything.

Laura:

Auggie, he must be like me. He must have a song stuck in his head at all times because he’s just always just walking around humming a tune, singing a tune. It’s usually belting a tune. But I wonder if he’d actually bond to like instruction in this way. I don’t know. It’s so interesting.

Shanna:

So we left the class, and I wasn’t sure actually, what she thought of it because she had been so nervous and stuff. And I was like, oh, boy. There’s a lot of money down the drain with an activity that I tried. I don’t know. I was feeling a little bit negative about it. I wasn’t sure. But throughout the rest of the week, an interesting thing happened. She took interest in learning to sing Frere Jacques and learned to play it on our piano.

So she has been playing the English version, are you sleeping, and plucking it out on the piano, and that got Elle interested in learning the piano, and I don’t know. It’s just been like a really fun little musical adventure.

Laura:

I want a piano so badly. I want one so badly.

Shanna:

Try your buy nothing group, there’s always someone giving away a piano.

Laura:

Yeah. I feel like pianos are, the thing that’s expensive about pianos, other than if you wanna buy a new one, is the moving of them and the tuning of them. Right?

Shanna:

Yeah.

Laura:

Yeah. There is this art project going on in Glendale where the people have put painted pianos just on random sidewalks and parts of the street. And so every once in a while we’ve walked by one and the kids have wanted to play on one. And we have a little toy one like a little red one that has real keys. But, yeah. I want a real piano.

Shanna:

Yeah. You get you one, girl.

Laura:

I just need a Steve. I need Corey to be more like Steve who just surprises you with stuff, like a piano or a trip to Hawaii.

Shanna:

He did surprise me with that piano too. Aw. That was really sweet. So, yeah, so that’s one thing going on, and I should mention that that is kind of like CeCe’s extracurricular activity right now. I decided against softball. I had signed her up for it. She said she wanted to play, and I remembered how hard last season was with her and her attention span. And, I was like let’s try something else. So I got a refund on softball, and we’re singing instead.

Laura:

I mean, that’s what I would do. That’s what I would want to do with my time, so I endorse it. Well, I’ll be interested to hear how it continues to go and whether we have a little piano prodigy on our hands.

Shanna:

I don’t know about that, but she’s having fun. The other thing with Cece this week, I know it is 3 months away from her 5th birthday. But, Laura, I have booked the party spot for her birthday party, and it’s a done deal.

Laura:

Wow. Okay. You’re ahead of the game. So I take it you’re not doing it in your backyard like usual?

Shanna:

Nope. Nope. Cece has never gotten a proper exciting party. I mean, maybe her first birthday party. You know? But she doesn’t really remember; then the pandemic; and then she was sick. You know, it’s just like, I wanna give her something fun. So she really loves this indoor playground called Kids Empire near us, and she went there recently. And someone else was having a birthday party, and she was like, I want my birthday party here. And I was just like, Okay. Yeah. Let’s do it.

Laura:

Nice.

Shanna:

And I found out they provide pizza. They provide a cake, and you just pay, and they come and play. So I’m like, man, that sounds easy peasy, especially after Elle’s last birthday party at home. You gotta clean up, get ready, blah blah blah. So done and dusted. It’s all set.

Laura:

Alright. Well, I better get that invite in my inbox soon. I gotta save the date.

Shanna:

Yeah. Next step is the invitations.

Laura:

Nice. And, honestly, it’s good to get ahead on that because our birthday calendar is filling up.

Shanna:

I’m sure it is. Alright. That’s all for me this week. What do you got going on?

Laura:

Well, we had a kind of momentous week over here. So grandma Susan came to visit for the first time in I think, 3 months, which is a long time for her. She hasn’t stayed away from those kids for that long since the beginning of the pandemic. Yeah. She was itching to see these kids, but the reason she stayed away was that she had back surgery, so she wasn’t allowed to travel for a while. And I’m happy to report that the back surgery went well, and she’s actually feeling much better now than she was before the surgery.

Shanna:

Oh, that’s good.

Laura:

Yes. It’s all good news. But you know what? She did not stay with us this time, Shanna.

Shanna:

Oh, okay. Where did she stay?

Laura:

Oh, she stayed in her brand new apartment that is right next door to our house, Shanna.

Shanna:

Come again?

Laura:

So we live on a block with a bunch of condos and apartment buildings. And over the years since we’ve moved in, my mom has sort of said, oh, wouldn’t it be nice if maybe someday I have a condo near you or something so that when I come to say I can kinda have my own house. And she’s just thinking ahead to what might happen when retires. You know, right now, she splits her time between Portland and Fresno because she’s still a doctor practicing in Fresno. She does mostly telehealth these days, but my stepdad has a house in Portland. So now she pretty much lives in Portland, goes down to Fresno sometimes when she has to be in office. And she’s actually done that, splitting her time for, I wanna say at least 20 years. Like, it’s been a long time that she splits her time between Portland and Fresno.

But with telehealth and the fact that she’s in her late seventies she’s really thinking about retiring. And she’s like, I won’t need to go to Fresno for anything. Like, there’s no reason for me to have a house in Fresno anymore.

Shanna:

Right.

Laura:

So a couple weeks ago, I noticed that the apartment building next door, which is like I think there are 6 apartments, it’s a small building, had a vacancy sign. And I was like, mom, they put up a for rent sign in the apartment next door. I sent her a picture of the sign. 2 hours later, she calls back. She’s like, I’m moving in next door.

Shanna:

Wow. How do you feel about this?

Laura:

Well, at first, I was like, oh, shit. So okay. Did I really want This to happen? This might be a little too much. Right? Like, a little too close for comfort. But then I kinda sat with it for a bit and realized that it might be beneficial for everyone involved, and it’s been theoretical until this week. Like, she obviously has been doing the application and getting all that stuff all the ducks in the row that you have to do when you first rent an apartment. But this week, she actually moved in. So we got to see how it worked, not just in theory, but in practice.

And I have to say that I’m optimistic about it. One thing that I actually am kind of surprised by is that we actually saw her less with her next door. Because during the day while the kids were in school, she was doing her telehealth over there. She was just kind of doing her thing, puttering around, getting the apartment set and whatnot. And Neil was here. My stepdad was here. Grand doodles.

And so they were just over in the apartment. And Corey and I had our house to ourselves, which when you have a guest, usually isn’t the case. Right? So that was a little bit of a surprise. So that sort of made me feel a little bit better about sort of protecting my home life. Right? One concern I had was that I’m just gonna have my mom here all the time. You know? Like, whenever she’s in town, it’s gonna be all the time. But, obviously, it’s not the case. She has her own life, and she was doing her own things.

And I also felt a lot better because I have been wracked with guilt about the sleeping situation in our house whenever she came to visit or more specifically whenever her and my stepdad came to visit because my stepdad’s in his nineties. Okay? And we had this shitty futon that clearly wasn’t good enough, but there was no room to put a proper bed in the guest room. And so my mom got a blow up mattress, and I’m like, oh my god.

I have my 91 year old stepfather sleeping on a freaking blow up mattress. But he was too polite to take our bed. Like, we kept insisting. Like, you guys sleep in our bed. We will sleep on the futon. They’re like, no. No. No. No. No. We couldn’t possibly. And I’m Ugh. I feel like this is not good. So that means they had a much better place to sleep because my mom ordered an adjustable king bed where they could each adjust their own side.

And after the first night of sleeping in it, my mom was like, That is the best bet I’ve ever slept in my life. And I was like, oh my god. Like, they feel better. You know?

Shanna:

Yay.

Laura:

Corey and I, of course, had to set it up randomly for her. But, yeah, it’s been good so far. The kids love going over to grandma’s house. Like, whenever they’d come home from school, they’d be like, I wanna go grandma’s. “I wanna go grandma’s.” That’s Sebastian, obviously. And they just love it. Right now, it’s pretty much empty, so they love running around the empty apartment. And, yeah, it was just a really nice visit and the start of something new. Grandma lives next door.

Shanna:

Wow. Well, I think that’s exciting. It’s nice to have family around, and I’m sure there’s gonna be so many benefits that will come from this.

Laura:

Yeah. And I like the idea of having her close as she gets older. Obviously, she’s still splitting her time between here and Portland, but being able to have the space with her nearby, I think, is good from an advanced planning sort of point of view. So, she’s on the ground floor over there. In our house, we have stairs. So my stepdad, he can still do the stairs fine, but I just felt bad. So it’s just nicer all around.

Shanna:

Awesome.

Laura:

Yeah. Oh, extra bonus, it’s like having a bonus fridge so I can go to Costco and get all my frozen stuff and stick it in our freezer.

Shanna:

Awesome.

Laura:

But that’s it for my check ins this tweak. I think we should move on to our special segment. What do you think?

Shanna:

Oh, yeah.

Shanna:

We’re back, and this week’s special segment is Gripe Water, where we take this opportunity to vent about some things regarding parenting that we wanna get off our chest. So, Laura, you’re up first, and I wanna know. What are you gonna bitch about, girl?

Laura:

Alright. This is one you need to pay attention to because you’re about to send out your invites for Cece’s birthday party.

Shanna:

Oh, okay. Okay.

Laura:

Okay. So as I mentioned, our birthday calendar is filling up. And with 2 kids in school, it’s just like nonstop birthday party invitations, which is so sweet and so nice. And I love to feel included, and I I think they’re fun. Like, I personally really like going to kids’ birthday parties. I think it’s fun. I love talking to the other parents, all that good stuff. So I don’t mind getting the invitation.

What I do mind and what I want to gripe about is when those invitations have a private, closed, hidden guest list. And here’s why. If you’re not inviting everyone in the class, you gotta make that guest list public. Okay? Because I need to go on there and be able to cross reference who’s invited, so I don’t blab to some other parent and be like, oh, I’ll see you at Cleo’s birthday party this weekend, and they’re like, what? And inadvertently make them feel bad for not getting invited.

Shanna:

Interesting. Okay. Okay.

Laura:

Because look. If you’re having it in your backyard, I know you can’t invite everyone from preschool. You know? When you start adding siblings and both parents, it really adds up. Like, it’s not that I expect to get every invite or expect every other parent to get every other invite, but I just don’t wanna be the jerk that makes someone else feel uninvited because your list wasn’t public.

Shanna:

Wow. That’s, yeah, that’s a tricky one.

Laura:

I don’t know. I just don’t see any reason a guest list needs to be kept private for a kid’s birthday party. Like, it’s not like we’re scoping out, but who else is gonna be there? Maybe we’ll come or we won’t come. I don’t know. Maybe other people are.

Shanna:

That’s what I thought you were gonna say at first. Like, you needed to scope it out and make sure your friends are gonna be there so that you could come.

Laura:

No. No. It’s to make sure I’m not the jerk who’s revealing secrets to other people.

Shanna:

Right. Yeah. I don’t know. It is like a thing you actually have to check to say make it private or maybe it’s a default.

Laura:

I think it might be a default. Like, I’ve noticed that most of the paperless post invites are private, and so I think you might need to check to make it public. So this is also a PSA. Like, just make it public, people. Let us know who you’ve invited. It’s Right. It’s good. It’s a good thing.

Shanna:

Yes. Yes. Transparency is key.

Laura:

Yes. Yes. So, that is my gripe. Also you may be able to tell a recent wound. This actually happened at a birthday party recently. Oh. I didn’t do it, but I was right next to someone who did. So I was standing next to Abby, this other parent, in Sebastian’s school, and she was like, oh, well, we’ll see you guys tomorrow for so and so’s party.

And I was like, yeah. Totally. We’ll see you there. And the other parent was just like, oh, I don’t think we’re invited. And it was awkward as shit, Shanna. It was so awkward.

Shanna:

Oh, yeah. Maybe just like a rule of thumb would be to not talk about other parties ever in the presence of other people. I feel like that’s the only way to fix this. Right?

Laura:

Well, I do think Abby should have just not brought it up if she wasn’t certain. You know what I mean? But also it could be a topic of conversation if you were given access to the list like you saw. Oh, they are going, so we can talk about this. Or I can say, oh, you know what? We’ll talk about this tomorrow. Or you know what? I’ll return that shirt that accidentally got sent home to us, to you tomorrow. I’ll bring it to the party tomorrow, that sort of thing. Yeah. So, again, Gripe Water.

It’s about gripes. It’s not the biggest problem in the world, but it’s something that’s annoying me. So Thank you for letting me get it off my chest.

Shanna:

Then it’s good food for thought for me with my upcoming party.

Laura:

Okay. How about you? What’s your Gripe Water?

Shanna:

Okay. This is very specific.

Laura:

I love it.

Shanna:

The other day, I was picking up the girls from school and had to parallel park on the side of the road and go up and get them as you do. And I bring them back, and we get in the car. And an SUV is wedging its way into the spot in front of me, and that already has got me irritated. But then I noticed the bumper sticker on this SUV, and I don’t know. It just really rubbed me the wrong way. Okay. I’m gonna send you a picture of what it was.

Laura:

Okay. I’m very intrigued because I can’t imagine what would have gotten you all riled up. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Alright. “My dog behaves better than your kid” is what it says.

Shanna:

And that’s all that’s all it is. It’s just an oval with that text, and that’s it. I’m like, this is a parent, clearly, who has a kid going to my kid’s school, and that’s what they feel so passionate about that they’re gonna slap on the bumper of their vehicle? Like, there’s no other bumper stickers here. That’s it. Just something to make other parents feel bad for how their kids behave. What?

Laura:

Yeah. I mean, I don’t understand the purpose. I could imagine if there was a little ad for a dog behaviorist, like a dog trainer underneath it. Like, okay. You’re trying to advertise for that, but all you’re doing is making a dig at people you’ve never met, and bragging about your dog, which also makes me think, is it? Is it, though? Also, it’s placed so poorly on this back bumper. Like, it’s way too close to the Subaru Outback Insignia.

Shanna:

It’s like touching the “b”. It’s touching the “b.” There’s no negative space between Outback and this bumper sticker.

Laura:

So not only are they rude for no reason, but they also have no sense of graphic design or just plain layout 101. Everyone knows you need to put some space.

Shanna:

Yes. And how does this message impact their kids? Like, what attitude do these children have about other kids, I wonder.

Laura:

That’s a really good question, Shanna. That’s a really good question. I feel like the smugness may be something that gets passed on to the kids. You know? I do feel like, when your parents act like one way, the kids tend to mirror it. So maybe they also think that they’re better behaved than everyone else’s kids. I don’t know.

Again, it’s pointlessly mean and pointlessly triggering. I don’t know.

Shanna:

And I was triggered. As soon as I saw it, I was like, oh my gosh. And, of course, my girls, they don’t miss anything. Right? It’s like, what, mama? What? What? What? What? And I was like, Nothing. What? I’m like, it’s the bumper sticker on that car. The message just really upsets me. And then we had to have a conversation about it and stuff, which is fine, but it was just an awkward moment.

Laura:

Well, it’s also this thing. There’s this push and pull right now between sort of more traditional old school parenting and the current sort of gentle, respectful parenting thing. And I feel like this really taps into that conflict, that kind of tension that’s going on right now because I do feel like it’s sort of coded to read you’re permissive, you’re bad. I don’t know. It’s a shitty bumper sticker. You should’ve peeled it off.

Shanna:

That’s a really good observation you make, and I think that’s why it jabbed me a bit because, obviously, we all know I’m in the more permissive camp. And when I think of a dog that behaves well, the way it becomes a well-behaved dog is by training and obedience training and rote repetition of, quote, unquote, good behavior. And that’s just not what I do for my children. They’re a little loud. They’re a little messy. They’re a little rough around the edges, and I just don’t wanna feel bad about that.

Laura:

Yeah. And blind obedience is not what we’re looking for with our children. Exactly. We are not trying to train them like dogs. So okay. Yes. I want to have a magnetic bumper sticker that you can just put in on response. Right? Like, I would just love it if you could just put “OKAY” underneath it.

Shanna:

Okay. Okay. Maybe I’ll make one and keep it on hand just in case I see this vehicle again.

Laura:

Or just like “COOL.” We should make these magnetic bumper stickers so they’re not like actual graffiti. No one’s gonna be mad at us, but you could just be like, cool cool. Like, you do you, dude, or something.

Shanna:

Oh, man. I love that idea.

Laura:

Add it to our list of $1,000,000 ideas.

Shanna:

Alright. It’s getting long, Laura.

Laura:

I know. Well, maybe if we start our work from home days with our children where we don’t actually do anything with our children, and they sleep for 3 hours in the middle. We’ll be able to do all our $1,000,000 ideas, Shanna.

Shanna:

Yeah. Yeah. We just gotta change our lifestyle. Alright. What’s your next Gripe Water?

Laura:

Okay. I actually sent you a link to what inspired this Gripe Water. Would you like to watch?

Shanna:

Oh, sure. Let me take a look. Okay. I have pulled up a reel on Instagram from a user named Hannah Cases. The text on the screen is “A day in our life as work from home parents, asterisk without day care.” Alright. Let’s see what this is all about. Okay.

So this woman wakes up, washes her face, does a workout, and does a morning devotional in her journal. I haven’t seen a child in sight yet. Okay. Interesting. I’m gonna continue. Okay. The husband’s waking up, getting the baby, eating breakfast, taking turns working on the laptop and playing with the baby. Okay.

Oh, they’re going to the beach in the middle of the workday. Okay. Oh, they have adorable matching swimsuits. I love that. Oh, she naps for 3 hours. Baby naps for 3 hours. Okay.

Laura:

3 hours.

Shanna:

Oh my god. Oh, now the husband is working out. Okay. So it’s a quick overview of parents of a 22 month old, who work from home and go to the beach in the middle of the day. Okay. Tell me your thoughts on this.

Laura:

What the fuck, Shanna? Like, who has a day like this? Like, who? Okay. So first of all, I think it’s bullshit. Right? Like, I think that this whole genre of a day in the life of me as a parent with these “super aesthetically pleasing,” or as just the Gen Z “aesthetic videos,” right… First of all, when are they setting up these shots? Like, there’s a shot of them getting out of bed. There’s a shot of them doing every little thing, and I’m like, it fucking takes me 10 minutes to just open my fucking tripod. Like, I never use it because I’m just like, this is too much. They are setting up these shots, perfectly lit shots throughout the day.

They have this magical child who has to be woken up apparently After the mom has been able to do her morning journaling, answer her emails, and go to the gym.

Shanna:

Yeah. So jealous. I’m not gonna lie.

Laura:

And also all this stuff, it’s like we’re doing all this work from home stuff as a parent. Like, clearly, their work is like, they’re influencers of some sort. Right?

And I’m not saying that’s not actual work. I’m sure they have a lot of shit to take care of. But, Shanna, does this resemble your day that you had as a work from home parent when Cece was 22 months old and staying home with you full time?

Shanna:

Oh, man. We’re missing the shots of waking her up from the nap while she screamed her head off for an hour while I was missing a meeting and trying to meet a deadline, and her eating dinner and throwing food all over the house while I was trying to finish something up. Yeah. It’s missing a few shots.

Laura:

You know what’s missing is the kid. Like, there are a few bits where the kid is involved. But for the most part, it’s like, what is this child doing while you get shit done? And, also it’s all very calm, and maybe they just have one of those kids. Like, apparently, they have a kid that sleeps so much that they can do everything.

Shanna:

I know. Just wait till they have a 2nd kid who’s completely different and really just rocks their world.

Laura:

Yeah. I mean, that’s always the ungenerous thing I have going on in the back of my head: oh, they just have one kid, and they got lucky with that kid. But I will say I’m not trying to hate on these people specifically. I actually know nothing about these people specifically. What I am griping about is the whole genre of the “A day in my life as a parent.” Because for the most part, they are so fucking staged and unrealistic, and I think they’re doing nothing to help other parents. Like, Is there anything in that video that helps other parents?

Shanna:

No. It sets a standard for a level of bliss that is difficult to achieve and makes it seem normal. And if anything, I think that it might make parents feel bad about the way their day goes.

Laura:

Oh, 100%. I will say that if you look at the comment section, you will see my gripe reflected in many of them.

Shanna:

I like the idea that you personally left several gripe comments on this video. I don’t think that’s what you meant, but I’m imagining it. Alright. Let’s see. The first comment has 668 likes. It says, “you are content creators who set your own schedule. That is incredibly different from 2 parents working from home 8 hours a day. That’s why we have to pay for childcare. We can’t all go to the pool in the middle of the day. What a joke. Quote, 2 parents working from home, unquote. Disrespectful of all the parents who don’t get breaks.”

Laura:

And that is the most liked comment. So yeah.

Shanna:

Yeah. Here’s another comment with 958 likes. Says, “Did I miss the part where you 2 actually work?”

Laura:

I mean, fair point.

Shanna:

Yeah. I definitely see the point of the comments here, and I can definitely see why you’re irritated by this trend. How did this even come up in your feed? Why is the algorithm sending you this stuff, Laura?

Laura:

Because the Facebook promoted reels are such garbage, Shanna. It knows that I… Like, I get that people are concerned about TikTok knowing too much about your brain, but at least it shows me stuff I wanna see. Facebook is just sending me this stuff, and maybe they just know it inspires rage, and that’s why it’s being sent to me. It fires rage, and that’s why it’s being sent to me.

Shanna:

Maybe.

Laura:

It does make me wanna do one. You know? Like, a day in the life of a mom of 2 young boys.

Shanna:

Yeah.

Laura:

But they go to school now. You know? I feel like really, they go to school because, otherwise, they can’t get any shit done. And even then, at 3:30, it’s all over.

Shanna:

Oh, it really is.

Laura:

But, anyway, that’s my gripe. I will say I’ve seen some reaction videos to this sort of thing that are really funny. It’s like one of them was like, here’s everything I do before my toddler wakes up in the morning, and it’s like, just a picture of them in fucking bed. Nothing because I don’t do that shit. So yeah.

Shanna:

Yeah. Exactly. Unrealistic. Unrealistic goals.

Laura:

Okay. So that was my last Gripe Water. Do you wanna move on to her BFPs and BFNs?

Shanna:

Let’s do it.

Laura:

Alright. So we close every episode with a Big Fat Positive or a Big Fat Negative from the week. And, Shanna, I’m dying to know. What do you got for us?

Shanna:

I have a BFP. This has actually been a BFP for a while. I have just completely forgotten to talk about it. Our bathroom renovation is done. Mostly done. We have one or 2 little things, but it’s in usable shape.

Laura:

Yeah.

Shanna:

We don’t all have to jam into the tiny second bathroom anymore. We have double sinks now and a bathtub that’s not peeling. And, it feels so good, and it’s so much more functional for our family.

Laura:

It’s glorious. I was over recently and got to see it in its current state, and yeah, you have a few little finishing touches to do. But for the most part, it’s done, and it looks so good, Shanna. You guys did such a great job.

Shanna:

Aw. Thank you. Thank you so much. I’m just so happy. Like, I take a shower in there, and I’m like, I feel so good. I love the tile that we chose, and just everything feels really, really nice. And the other exciting thing is that I was motivated to completely reorganize the vanity area so that we could fit everything we need in there in an easy way. So I bought all these little plastic containers. You know? Cece has a container for her toothbrush and toothpaste, and so does Elle, and so do I, and so does Steve. And I have a container for our nail clippers, and it just makes sense. All of my facial products are organized and right there, and organization makes me so happy, sickeningly happy.

Laura:

I love it. I love it. Yep. Yeah. That title you picked is super pretty. I think you guys did a great job.

Shanna:

Thank you.

Laura:

And it must be such a relief to have two sinks now.

Shanna:

Yes. Because each girl can stand at one and brush their teeth and get their hair brushed, and no one’s fighting over sinks and spitting on each other’s toothbrushes, whatever bullshit used to happen before. So it’s good, and it’s brought a nice level of peace to our household.

Laura:

Yay. Yay.

Shanna:

But, yeah, that’s it for me. What you got for us?

Laura:

Well, I have a BFN that turned into a BFP.

Shanna:

Oh, I love a good story arc. Alright. Tell us.

Laura:

Alright. I mean, this is riveting, Shanna. So, hold on to your seats. So for the new school year, I decided to get the boys some new insulated lunch box covers. I mean, they’re like lunch boxes. You know what I’m talking about? We have those Bentgo actual lunch boxes, and then this is the insulated bag that goes around it. You can also add a cooler pack, and you can add extra snacks and all that stuff. And the previous years, I had been buying some other brand off Amazon that worked really well with Auggie for a year.

But then I bought one for Sebastian, and it kept breaking. The little foil insulated lining kept tearing away from the seam, and I got 3 replacements, and they all were breaking. So I was like, shit. They must be cheap. Well, they must have changed manufacturers or something because the first one we got lasted 2 years and was fine. But the ones I was getting for Sebastian were breaking instantly. So for the new school year, I was like, you know what? I’m gonna get a good one.

I’m gonna get the more expensive Bentgo version, right, that’s really nice and has all these extra features, and I know it will fit the Bentgo lunch box. I went on the Amazon page and Auggie picked out his, and Sebastian picked out his. Augie got dinosaurs, and Sebastian got construction trucks. Very on brand for both of them.

Shanna:

Yes.

Laura:

And Sebastian’s has been holding up well, but I was really disappointed to discover that after 3 weeks of school, the top handle on Auggie’s was completely fraying and coming off. Like the webbing. Yeah. And I was like, well, shit. But my BFP is actually gonna be for Bentgo customer service because I took a picture of the frame handle and sent them an email through their contact form on their website with the information, the receipt, and my address. And the response I got back was perfect customer service.

It was just like, we are so sorry for the fact that this isn’t up to our standards, there is a new one in the mail on express delivery. It should happen in a day or 2. Like, you don’t need to follow-up. You don’t need to send us anything, any more information. Like, literally, here you go, we’ve taken care of it for you. And literally the next day, we got a replacement lunchbox in the mail that’s perfect and still holding up just fine.

But I was really impressed with Bentgo customer service, and I have to say that I really appreciated as a busy mom that I didn’t have to do an additional follow-up email. You know? I didn’t have to jump through hoops to prove that my box was brand new or whatever. They just did it. They just took care of it. And that’s how you build brand loyalty right there.

Shanna:

Well, yeah. That makes me wanna go and buy one even though we already have insulated lunch sacks.

Laura:

Yeah. They’re actually really nice too. They’ve thought of all these extra details. Like, there’s a shoulder strap, but there’s also a handle on the short side, and there’s also a handle on the long side so you can carry it any way you want, basically. So, yeah, I don’t really have much more to say about that other than thank you so much, Bentgo customer service for being very responsive and great. And now Auggie has his lunchbox back, and we’re back in business.

Shanna:

Yay. It’s good to know that there are good companies out there doing good customer service.

Laura:

Yes. Yes. Indeed. And we love their lunchboxes. The only downside to their lunchboxes, like the actual box part, is trying to figure out what to put in every one of those little containers.

Shanna:

The little round one in the middle always stumps me.

Laura:

I think it’s supposed to be for sauce. For Auggie, we’ve been sending chocolate chips in there because his new school allows sugar. His old school did not allow sugary treats. For Sebastian, it’s always like, what do we put in there? Goldfish is one we put in there a lot. We used to put raisins in, but then Auggie stopped eating raisins. So Yeah. Yeah.

But, yes. Thank you, Bentgo customer service, for being cool. Otherwise, that’s it for me, unless you have a 5 star review to read.

Shanna:

Oh, I do. Alright. This review is from AngeFromNE. This is on Apple Podcasts. The title of the review is best podcast ever, exclamation point, 5 stars. “This is my all time favorite podcast. I found BFP when I was TTC, listened throughout my pregnancy, and continue to look forward to their new episode dropping each week. I’ve recommended this podcast to friends and on message boards because I honestly believe it’s such a valuable resource. When I was nearing delivery, I relistened to the earlier episodes pen and paper in hand to write down recommendations. Shanna and Laura are knowledgeable, funny, relatable, real, and raw, and listening to them feels like you’re sitting down with friends. You two seem to have found your calling. Please never stop making this podcast. It’s a highlight of my week. Thank you for all you do.”

Aw. Thank you so much. What a wonderful review.

Laura:

Yes. Thank you so much, AngeFromNE.

Shanna:

I’m so glad that we’ve been able to provide you with valuable resources. That just makes me feel so good. Listeners, if you haven’t had a chance to leave us a 5 star review yet, could you please do us a favor and head on over to Apple Podcast, leave 5 stars. Say a few things you love about the show. It really does help us find new listeners to join our big fat positive community, and we really, really appreciate it. And we might read you a review on an upcoming episode. Do you have any Gripe Waters you wanna share with us? You know we wanna hear them. Laura, where can everyone find us?

Laura:

We’re on TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook at @bfppodcast. We have a website, bigfatpositivepodcast.com. And if you wanna send us an email, you can always throw a voice memo in there. We love those. Just send it to contact at big fat positive podcast.com. And finally, if you wanna get exclusive content from me and Shanna and wanna join the coolest group of people on the Internet just search Facebook for big fat positive community. It’s a private group, so you have to request to join and answer the 2 membership questions so we know you’re not a robot. But once you do that, you’ll be sent straight through to all the wonderful conversations we’re having in there.

Shanna:

Our show is produced by Laura Birek, Shanna Micko, and Steve Yager. Thanks for listening, everyone. Have a big fat positive week. Bye.