Bizarre Mom Crushes and a New Bedtime Routine – Ep. 265

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Shanna

Hi, welcome to Big Fat Positive with Sean and Laura. On this week's episode, we have our weekly check-ins. We have our special segment, Mom Confessions, where we share some juicy bits about crazy crushes, fashion follies, and more. And we wrap it up with our weekly BFPs and BFNs. Let's get started.

Hi, everyone. Welcome to Episode 265. Hello, Laura. Hi, Shanna. Hi. Good to hear your voice today.

Laura

Same, same.

Shanna

How are you doing? Why don't you kick us off with your check-in?

Laura

Okay. So, do you remember a few weeks ago, I talked about how we had decided on Augie's TK? plans for the upcoming school year.

Shanna

Okay, wait. From what I recall, last we heard, Augie got accepted into the Spanish immersion TK, but it only went to like 1230, which we all know is ridiculous. But you started the enrollment process anyway, but I feel like you were still uncertain. Have things changed?

Laura

Well, yeah, they changed this week, actually. So I was uncertain in that I had a couple of reservations. The first really big one was that it ended at like 1226 to be precise in the afternoon. I know it is very specific, not 1225, 1226.

which is like not a great time for a working parent, even if you're working from home part-time. It's like, yeah, as you know right now, right? Because isn't CeCe doing a schedule like that right now with her school, with her summer school?

Shanna

Oh yes, school yes.

Laura

Yeah, so a whole year of that seemed unsustainable and I applied to Aftercare but did not get in. So I was kind of spiraling about that just like the basics of that. I did talk about it in the show And my mother-in-law was so sweet. After that episode aired, she sends me a message. She's like, if you need help with Augie, I will be there. I know I'm an hour away, but I could stay at your house during the week and pick him up from school. And she was so, so generous. And I was like, that is really, really sweet.

Shanna

So sweet.

Laura

And we might have to do that. Don't promise what you can't deliver because you might be stuck here during the week, taking care of him if this is the case. But you know, obviously it wasn't ideal for anyone to have to do that. So we were like, we don't know what to do, but we didn't really have another option. I mean, the only other option would be to send him back to his private preschool that he's been going to, which is not inexpensive and also Sebastian's going to be going to that same school. I don't know if I've talked about it or not. Like I can't remember everything's been so up in the air. I can't remember like what I've been talking about, but Sebastian's going to go to that school. So he's going to be getting his tuition paid there, but having two kids at the same school, not not cheap. So we're like, we don't know what to do.

And in addition to all these like logistical problems, I just started having major reservations about whether Augie was ready for this program. He doesn't speak any Spanish. Right? He speaks like he'll pick up a little thing here and there from his teachers or like words here and there, but it's not like he understands Spanish. And that's fine. That's kind of the point of the immersion, right? Like he will learn. But the thing that kind of started me worrying about it even more was that meltdown he had about karaoke that I talked about in the last episode. Yeah. When he had that meltdown, I remembered how little he is and how vulnerable he still is and how much development he still has to go through and how he is still a preschooler. You know what I mean? Like he's still, he's only four, right? And he's still doing four year old things like melting down if he can't get karaoke, right?

Shanna

Yes.

Laura

And it wasn't specifically about the karaoke. It was just, it kind of reminded me that sometimes I attribute a bit more maturity to him than he is capable of. And he's, I've been doing this since he was like tiny because when you have a kid who's like hyper verbal, I think it's easy to like think they're older than they are or think they're more capable than they are. Cause you know, he's just being so funny and talking to me like a grownup. And then I'm remembering like, oh, you're, you're still tiny.

Shanna

Yeah.

Laura

So that meltdown started me just spiraling with worry about whether he was going to become like super, super overwhelmed by going into this program, by going into like a program where it's 90% Spanish. So like 90% of the day, he wouldn't understand, right? Yeah. And on top of that, he doesn't know anyone in the class. He doesn't know any of the teachers. He doesn't know the space, you know, all that stuff, right? Then I also found out that they were gonna have to wear uniforms and I was like, oh man, he's not gonna get to wear his like Peter Pan. You know, like all these all these things were adding up to me worrying. That it was just gonna be super super super overwhelming for him and as a result. make him not like school. And that was my main concern. Kids are resilient, they can figure things out, be overwhelmed, it's not the end of the world.

But my concern was that he was going to internalize that school sucks and he doesn't like school and he never wants to go to school. And that was gonna follow him throughout his school career. Um and so I spent like the whole week like messaging moms who I found on like my local moms groups who had said they had gone to the same program and like trying to do all this stuff to reassure myself in the process like did not get a ton of reassurance because what I really well what I found out was it is hard right like pretty much every mom was like look we're happy we did the program. We're happy that my kid is speaking Spanish fluently in fourth grade, which is so cool. But they're like, we're not going to lie. It was super hard. And they were very overwhelmed. And there were a lot of meltdowns. And like, oh, man, that is not what I wanted to hear.

And I think I was messaging you because I was totally spiraling about it. I was like, I don't know what to do. And you were like, look. Is the Spanish thing like your priority? Like it doesn't seem like it is. Like for a lot of families, it's really, really, really important and that their child is bilingual. But for you, it seems like your priority is the social emotional growth of Augie. Right. And I was like, good point. But also, what do I do? Because, you know, I have no other option.

Shanna

Well, you didn't have no other option, right? You could, I suggested maybe Augie just stay at his preschool and Sebastian stay at his daycare down the street, right? Because that's kind of a happy situation right now.

Laura

Yeah, you suggested that, like, the day after I gave notice to his current preschool that he was moving. And I've also, like, paid the deposit on the other school, which is, like, non-refundable first and last month, basically.

Shanna

Yeah, so I'm like, oh, that's not going to happen. And I think another thing I said, or at least I was thinking it, I can't remember if I said it, but I just felt like it wasn't a good fit for you. Like from what you were telling me, like there was something in your gut, like your mom instinct, like everything was kind of telling you it wasn't a good fit. And I was like, listen to your instincts. Yeah. Because I think there's something to be said for that.

Laura

It was. I mean, that was the thing. Like everything in my intuition was saying like, this is just not right. And maybe it'll be right next year, you know, but like for this year, it just did not feel right. And so I didn't know what to do until the next day, when I woke up and saw an email from a charter school that I had basically forgotten we had applied to, saying that Augie had gotten a spot off the wait list for the charter school.

Shanna

That's exciting. So is this school better?

Laura

Well, I mean, a better or worse is it's all subjective, right? But I do think that my initial reaction kind of was very telling, which was, full body relief just like washed over me. And there's a couple of reasons. One is it's like a creative arts academy. So the focus is on learning through the arts, which you know, very much up our alley and up his alley. The day we did the tour, there were like kids in costumes all over and That was very, very much in line with what he likes. They're also apparently like very focused on the social emotional growth. And they do like some really interesting stuff with how they deal with conflict. Like they have like this whole rubric of like how you deal with other people and in conflict and like basically it's like a no punishment type situation, which you know, it's very much in line with our rye parenting and all that stuff, right?

So it just seems like a better fit in those like philosophical ways, but also it's like three blocks from his current school. So I will be like really close to picking up Sebastian, you know, it's like literally on the same street.

Shanna

Oh, nice.

Laura

It ends at 2.20. Oh, that's better. It's a lot better. That's normal. Very normal. And it does have aftercare. We're still waiting to hear about that. But still, you know, that's two additional hours every day, which makes a big difference. Yeah. His little best friend is going there, which is very sweet. And it's also like a split campus. The actual school goes up to eighth grade, but this campus only goes up to first grade. Aw, that's nice. So it's just the littles. Exactly. There's no big kids running around. It feels much more preschool-y, right? Which is kind of what we're looking for. It's a much easier transition, I think, than going to, like, this campus that has kids up to fifth grade. So, yeah. So I jumped on it. I was just like, yes, yes, yes, please, please, please. I really want to do this. I, like, messaged Cory and I was like, look, look, we got this email.

And I was about to write back and I was like, oh, should we talk about this before I, like, confirm? He's like... He's like, no, we're absolutely confirming. For him, the 1220 versus 220 thing is the deciding factor. But yeah, so we were really excited to accept. Charter schools, there's so much political nuance and controversy and stuff with charter schools and public schools, and I have my own personal conflicts, like inner conflicts with it. But for this year specifically, and for my kid, it just seems like the right choice. So we are going to go with that one.

Shanna

Awesome. Well, that's good news. I'm happy to hear that. And I'm glad that you're feeling relieved. Being in that in-between place of not knowing what is going to happen with the future is like, oh, so triggering, so anxiety producing. So I just imagine you're much more relaxed now.

Laura

Yeah. And also, I feel like there's a wait list for this other Spanish immersion TK. And so I'm like, oh, I need to let someone who really, really, really wants it get this spot. I'm relinquishing it to someone who that's more of a priority for them. So hopefully, hopefully it's a win-win in that situation.

Shanna

Yeah. Well, let's just hope that when Augie turns 18 and realizes he's not bilingual and Spanish, he's not furious at you for this decision you made when he was four.

Laura

Yeah, I hope so. Although to be fair, like I learned how to speak Spanish as a teenager and ended up pretty much bilingual. So, you know, it's still possible. Totally. But yeah, so that's where we're at. And the relief is palpable. Yay. So how about you, Shanna? What is palpable in your feelings this week?

Shanna

Feelings about bad time.

Laura

Ooh, big feelings, big feelings come up around bedtime.

Shanna

Yeah, bedtime for our kids has been, I need to knock on wood, relatively nice for quite a long time. Like, you know, I've got a very set routine. I like them to go to bed early. I enjoy bedtime routine with them. Steve and I switch on and off with the kids. So one night I'll do L, one night I'll do CECE. It involves reading a few books, turning off the lights, snuggling with them, and lying with them until they fall asleep. And that has not been a problem because they fall asleep quickly. You know, I usually lie there for five, maybe 10 minutes, and they're out and then leave. And I just enjoy the snuggles. You know, they both have full beds, so I'm next to them, and we're cuddling. And it's super sweet. Like, it's not posed a problem for me.

But for some reason recently, I don't know if there's just been more activity during the days or like the sunlight later in the day in the summer or something. They're just not getting as sleepy. And I'm like, I can't lie here next to them while they work out their energy, get out the wiggles, get drowsy. And I mean, if I did. I did that the other night with CECE, and it took like 40 minutes. And I'm just like, no, like I usually don't eat dinner before I put them to bed. I eat dinner afterwards with Steve. So I'm hungry. I'm getting cranky. And so spontaneously, I decided to change things up and challenge them with bedtime.

Laura

Ooh, OK. Look, I know this problem because Augie

the bedtime is fucking crazy. So I'm curious to hear what you're doing because yeah, when you say like, oh, I can't be there while they get their wiggles out. Like if I tried to lie there while while Augie got his wiggles out for bedtime, we would be there till midnight.

Shanna

Yeah, it can't happen. It can't happen. And normally when I change things up with the kids, I'll try to talk to them about it ahead of time or whatever. And this was just spontaneous the other day. I was putting CECE to bed and I was kind of anxious that day or just on edge anyway. And she was just not sleepy and so wiggly and like all over her bed, rolling around. The normal things I do, like I'll tickle her back or, you know, snuggle to help her relax. None of it was working. And all of a sudden I was like, hey, listen, I'm hungry. I'm going to go put some chicken in the toaster oven and I'll be back to check on you in a couple of minutes. And she was like, huh?

so caught off guard about it, but I did it. I was like, okay, I'll be back to check on you. You can talk to your buddies, you can sing, you can listen to your lullabies, do whatever you need to do, I'll be back. And she just seemed so confused by all of it that she went along with it, okay? So I went out and I put some frozen chicken in the air fry or whatever. And I came back in a couple minutes, I was like, hey, you're doing great. You know, you're just like bingo because there's an episode of Bluey where bingo is like, I don't know, trying to be a big girl in her bed and stay in her bed. You're just like bingo and you're doing great. And I'm always there for you even when you can't see me because I love you. And she's like, oh, OK. And I laughed. And like she fell asleep on her own. I was like, well, why haven't I done this before?

But then I remembered I do, you know, I really do love the snuggles and the closeness and everything, but things had to change. And I tried it the next night. I put her to bed and she had caught on. She was just like, no, you can't go, you can't do that. I will get out of bed and go with you. And I was like, no. So we had a big argument about it and tears. She didn't want me to leave. She came out multiple times. I walked her back to her room and it wasn't a success. And so I'm just left hanging in the balance of like, what is bedtime going to be like going forward for us? I don't know. And I'm scared.

Laura

Well, I think you just have to make a decision, right? Like, both of them are valid bedtimes, but you have to decide which one is going to be the thing and stick to it, right? Mm hmm.

Shanna

The problem with sticking to it is that sometimes I don't have the mental and emotional fortitude to stick with it. It's like, oh, I don't want to listen to her melt down about this. So I guess I'll lie here for a long time.

Laura

Because it's the worst time. like other than maybe 2am it's the worst time you're exhausted from like the whole day all you want to do is get it over with so you can just like go have your dinner like i trust trust i know how this goes because we basically were forced into this because we have augie who Will not really fall asleep if you're like lying there. I mean Corey will sometimes but he's just too distracted heat. I mean he ends up like The other day he like you know, he's like mama. Don't go stay another minute I'm like, okay I'll stay another minute But you need to calm your body down and start looking at your stars. We've started using one of those star machines like you use I don't know. Do you still use those star machines?

Shanna

Yeah, it's so old that it doesn't rotate anymore, but it does provide light on the ceiling.

Laura

Yeah. So I'm like, just you need to watch the stars. And he literally did like a 360, like a slow 360.

Walk like horizontal walk around his bed like I don't know if I'm explaining it well like you know when like like old-timey comedy routines they would like get on the floor and like Three Stooges style and like spin around on their side. That's what he did and I was just like that's not calming your body. He's like I can't calm my body. So we kind of have to do the check-in thing. We do the plan check-in thing, but on a good night, we don't have to give an excuse. On a good night, it's like, okay, mommy will be back. And now his thing is he wants to do it in order of the number of minutes. So be back in zero minutes, be back in one minute, be back in two minutes, be back in three minutes. That's a good night. On a bad night, mommy really has to go potty. So I have to go. It's always potty. That's what gets me out, because I'll be like, I'm going to poop my pants if I don't go.

Speaking to his level, you know. So that's usually my excuse. I'll have to use an excuse to get out of there. And once I'm out of there and he doesn't have me to distract him, he will usually fall asleep pretty quickly. But it's good. Yeah. But it's tough. It's so tough.

Shanna

Yeah, it's going to take some work and some practice. And I'm sure on a night where she's tired, I probably will lie with her until she falls asleep. So there's going to be some variation and there's going to be some flexibility. And we'll just we'll just have to see. But yeah, just being in bed for 40 minutes to an hour with a wiggly kid, it's just, you know, it's a skill they should have. And she can do it, right? She can sleep on her own. So it's just going to take some practice.

Laura

Yeah, for sure. Well, good luck with that. You may need to start eating earlier.

Shanna

Yes.

All right. Well, that's it for me. Shall we move on to our special segment? I think we should.

Laura

Okay, we are back and our special segment this week is Mom Confessions.

Shanna

Mom Confessions.

Laura

Where Shanna and I make a game out of it, we tell one truth and one lie and we try to guess what the real mom confession is. So Shanna, let's get straight to it. Okay. Tell me, what's your first mom confession?

Shanna

All right, Laura, you tell me which one is true. I caused my child to throw up or I locked my child out of the house.

Laura

Ooh. I feel like the throw up would be really traumatic for you. So I'm going to go with lock the child out of the house.

Shanna

I wish that were the true one. I caused my child to throw up. Well, you'll see. It's not 100% accurate. You'll see what I mean. Remember back when Al was sick with Norovirus a month or two ago? Yeah. So we did a teledoc appointment and the doctor prescribed her Zofran, four milligrams, the little tabs that you put under your tongue and it helps with nausea and vomiting. And that was awesome. Like that, that was the goal of that teledoc appointment. The problem is that it was a Sunday and the pharmacy doesn't open until like 10 a.m. And this was like 6 a.m. or something like that. I'm like, oh no, we have to wait so long for her to get her Zofran. And I'm anxious about her being sick and all that stuff. And I was like, wait a minute, I have some Zofran left over from when I had COVID, like the Pax Lovat I took made me really sick and I got some Zofran. Oh yeah.

And I was like, let's just use that. I'll make sure that it's four milligrams and we'll give her that in the meantime until we get the prescription from the pharmacy. And so I go grab it and I give her the tab and I'm like, honey, this is gonna make you feel a lot better. Put it under your tongue and it dissolves and it's easy. You don't have to swallow a pill or chew it or anything. Super easy. And she's like, okay. And she reluctantly puts it under her tongue and like, five, 10 minutes later, she has this funny look on her face and I'm like, what's going on? And she opens her mouth and she spits out this white crumbly stuff, this pill. And I was like, what? That thing is supposed to dissolve right away. And she's like, I don't know. And she's so confused and grossed out and spitting out this white chalky stuff. And so I'm like, God, that is really weird.

Usually those things dissolve immediately. So we go and get the prescription when the pharmacy opens. And at this point, I'm confused. Like, what do we do? Like she had some Zofran, but not all of it, because she spit some of it out. And so I'm trying to explain this to the pharmacist. I'm like, I gave her one of my dissolvable tabs, but like she spit half of it out. So do I give her like one of these, or do we wait? And he was just like, what are you talking about? And finally he was like, just wait a little while and give her one. I'm like, okay. And in the meantime, she's like still getting sick. She's still nauseous. She's still vomiting. So we get home and eventually give her one of her zoo friends that we got from the pharmacist. And I went back and looked at what I had given her. Uh-oh. earlier, and I realized it was not a dissolvable tablet.

It was a tablet that you were supposed to swallow, like an adult Zofran.

Laura

Oh, so the poor thing like just kept like a regular disgusting pill in her mouth for 10 minutes.

Shanna

Yes, and it didn't absorb into her system. She got no medication for hours because of me. So I didn't cause her to throw up, but I prolonged her sickness. I mean, it was hours longer. She could have gotten actual medication sooner. Because I do have dissolvable ones. I just gave her the wrong one. I just wasn't thinking. So, yeah, I felt so bad.

Laura

At least you gave her the right medicine. My mom once gave me an Ambien instead of a thyroid pill by accident. Oh my God. No way. What happened with that? Oh my God. So this was a long time ago. My mom and I happened to be on the same dose of our, you know, synthroid or like synthetic thyroid medicine. We both have hypothyroid and she had just flown into LAX and we like went to pick her up and go get brunch. Like there was something like she had like a super long layover at LAX. So we were going to go get brunch and then she was going to fly off somewhere else. And we get to brunch and this is before I had kids so like me getting up before 10 a.m.. On a weekend was like really impressive right, but I was very tired Yeah, and I'd probably been up to like three or four the night before right so I met brunch with her and I'm like oh shoot I forgot to take my thyroid this morning

And she was like, oh, that's okay. I have some and she reaches into her bag and she is like the worst. She travels with a plastic ziplock baggie of medicine. Okay. She's a medical doctor, right? But this is how she travels with her medicine because she doesn't want to bring the big pill bottles, right?

Shanna

Okay, yeah, fair enough.

Laura

Yeah, and she reaches in, she pulls out a pill that's like the right size and shape. And I'm like, are you sure this is it? And she's like, yeah. And I'm like, well, it checks out. It looks exactly like the one I take. So I take it. And like 20 minutes later, I am feeling a woozy. Like I am just like, what is going on? Like I feel weird. And she looked at me and then she looked at her baggie of pills and she was like, oh, shit.

Thankfully, Cory was there. Like, we were just dating at the time. This is so long ago. And he lived on the west side, so he drove me back to his apartment on the west side. I slept for like eight hours midday.

My mom will never live that down.

Shanna

Oh my gosh, I love that. It makes me feel a lot better about my mom confession. Thank you and thank you Susan for making me feel better.

Laura

It should make you feel better.

Shanna

Oh, that's hilarious. All right, what is your first mom confession?

Laura

Okay, recently I had a bit of a style emergency and I improvised a new look. How did I do it? Did I wear a hooded kid towel as a crop top, or did I use a baby sock to style my hair?

Shanna

Wow, okay a hooded baby bath towel toddler toddler bath towel toddler bath towel as a crop top That just sounds like there would be so much material that I don't know I don't see that happening a sock Maybe you could cut a hole and fashion it as a scrunchie of sorts I'm curious. Okay. I'm gonna go with the sock

Laura

Okay, I'm going to send you a video as proof. Okay. Okay, here it comes.

Shanna

Okay, let's see. Hitting play.

Okay, you pan around to the back of your head to what appears to be a bun that you have covered with a baby sock or toddler sock. That is genius, by the way. Okay, look, I went to the park with the boys.

Laura

And instead of just like allowing me to sit on a bench and watch them play, they wanted to go explore. And this was Pirate Park in Pasadena, which is like in the Rose Bowl area and there's all these hills and this big like staircase you can climb in the back they want to go climb up the stairs and go down the whole path and like basically go on a hike and I was like mm-hmm it's fucking hot like I wore jeans why did I wear jeans I wore jeans and I was like fuck this is so hot and I'm like digging through the diaper bag, looking for a hair tie, cannot find anything. And I finally resort to, this baby sock's gotta work, right? Like, I've gotta do something here. And it actually worked fairly well. Like, you could ball your hair up and pop a little sock over it. It was like an ankle sock, right? And it kept it up.

I have to say, I did take it down eventually because I was very self-conscious about the baby sock in my hair.

Shanna

I don't know. I think it looks pretty cool. Thank you.

Laura

Thank you.

Shanna

Wow. I'm impressed. I'm really impressed. I feel like you have to have a good amount of hair for that to work, too, unless it's a really tiny sock.

Laura

It is a small sock. Yeah, it was a small sock. It was like one they barely fit in anymore. But yeah, usually my go-to is I will find like a disposable mask that I've worn before because usually I have so many of them, like in the bottom of the bag. And I'll like tear the elastic off of it and tie it in a knot and use that as a hair tie. Very smart. But I didn't have any masks. It just goes to show, you know, pandemics winding down. I didn't have any masks to repurpose as a hair tie.

Shanna

Oh, yes, that is a signifier for sure. If this is a consistent problem for you, maybe you could just throw some hair ties in your bag.

Laura

I usually have some. But the kids find them. They think they're toys. Also the cats find them. The cats think they're toys. It's very hard to keep a hair tie where it's supposed to be in my house. That's all. So anyway.

Shanna

Understood. Well, I think you're ingenious and I'm going to keep that hack in the back of my mind.

Laura

Would you have another mom confession for us?

Shanna

I do. All right, which one is true, Laura? I have a crush on a children's musician or I have a crush on a cartoon animal.

Laura

Do you have a crush on Bluie's dad? No.

Is that right? Am I right? I knew it. I knew it because first of all, okay, I deduced it this way. I knew you guys had been watching a ton of Bluey, okay? And also I know that Bluey's dad is like a thing. Like it's not that he's made to be a thirst trap, but also like all the moms want a dad in their lives, like Bluey's dad. And he has like a super cute Australian accent. So like, how could you not have a crush on Bluey's dad?

Shanna

Yep, yep. I did not know he was a thing. I just developed feelings after watching, dare I say, hundreds of hours of Bluey with my child. Look, the accent is so cute. His name is Bandit, which is sexy. Okay, it's a little bit edgy. Um, he, he's so cheeky. He's like really funny. I love the way he walks into a room and he's like, dad is here. He's just like funny. And he loves chili, which is the mom. Okay. And I am here for it. It's so cute. Like, even when they have arguments in an episode, they always come together at the end. Like, they just, like, have a fondness for each other. And it's so sweet. And this is not a dig on Steve. Like, honestly, Steve is bandit but without the accent. So I think it's actually bolstering Steve by my saying this. And OK, also Bandit's brother, Rad. OK, he might even be more sexy. He is like the surfer type dude. He's like the single guy.

He's, oh, his accent is terrific. I'm so embarrassed by this. I cannot even believe this is a thing in my life. And I need to tone it down.

Laura

Well, here's the thing, you know how people will be like, oh, I have a list, you know, my husband and I have a list. If we ever meet these famous people, it's like free reign, right? Like you're, what is it, like a hall pass or whatever, right? Yeah. And it's one of those things that in LA you really can't have because it's very likely you might meet these people in real life at some point. Like there's no hall passes in our lives, right? But you can have a hall pass for Bluie's dad. He is... He's a fictional cartoon, you know? Go forth. You can't be the only one. I bet there's fan fiction, you know?

Shanna

Oh, yeah, I can't, no, I can't go there. I can't go there.

Laura

No, no, no, no.

Shanna

No, no, no. We're going to keep it with an innocent little crush.

Laura

Little crush, little crush, okay.

Shanna

But I'm dying to know if any of our listeners know what I'm talking about, because I know a lot of listeners also watch Bluey. We've had conversations about it in our Facebook community group. Let me know. Am I out in the field here or is this the thing?

Laura

I love how you think I wasn't going to figure that one out, you know?

Shanna

Look, I almost said I have a crush on a cartoon dog. And I was like, no, that's going to totally give it away. So I changed it to animal.

Laura

I thought I was being sneaky. You were not. Okay.

Shanna

Damn it.

Laura

All right. Moving on. What's your next mom confession? Okay. What normally disappointing thing am I secretly happy about? Is it my Dyson stick vacuums short battery life or is that Water Play Day keeps being canceled at Augie's school? Oh.

Shanna

Well, a short battery life on the Dyson is, wow, that's high level aggravation in my house. I really hate that. I guess it would prevent you from vacuuming, but I don't know. I can't see you enjoying having dusty, crunchy floors. And water play keeps getting canceled. Now, water play can be an annoyance because you have to send a kid with sunscreen and, you know, swimming gear and all that jazz. So I'm going to say the swimming one.

Laura

Nope. No! It does keep getting canceled because it's been like cloudy and kind of chilly. They were supposed to do it two times a week right now and like they barely have done it at all because of the weather. But I actually am kind of sad because I don't know, I know how much he likes it and how annoying it is to like also like I hype it up and then they'll send a message me like it's canceled today and be like, we have to get him in regular clothes and blah, blah, blah. No, I sent you a picture to show you why I am secretly happy about my Dyson stick vacuum losing battery life very quickly.

Shanna

Okay, I am so curious. Let's see.

Oh, because the kiddos have taken to using it. Yes. Here we have a photo of Augie and Sebastian. Sebastian has his own mini toy Dyson vacuum and Augie is pushing around the full size Dyson.

Laura

Yeah.

Shanna

All right, what's the story here?

Laura

I don't know why all of a sudden he's into it, but all of a sudden, anytime I bring out the stick vacuum, he's like, I want to do it. I want to do it. And I'm trying to cultivate a helper and not make him feel like he can't help around the house and not make him feel like he's not able to do chores, because that's definitely not what I want to do. So I say, yeah, sure. OK, yeah, you can vacuum. OK. And then he proceeds to vacuum everywhere. But it's not like he's not really vacuuming. He's like pulling the trigger for a second and then like stopping and then pulling and like not. And I'm like, look, there's a plume of cat fur over there. Go get that. And he like doesn't really have the skill yet to like properly get it, you know, like, so it's not actually helpful yet. It's just loud and annoying.

And of course, Sebastian has to go get his little vacuum every time, which is honestly very, very cute. But thank God it dies quickly because it's like, oh, shoot. I guess we have to put it back in the charger and do something else.

Shanna

Oh, shocks. What a shame.

Laura

Silly Dyson.

Shanna

Oh, that is too funny. Cici really likes to use it, too. And she just, like, bangs it on furniture and stuff. For people who don't know, the Dyson stick is like very tall. It's probably like almost twice the height of these little kids. So it's very big and unwieldy. And they push it around and Cici is like banging into the dining table and I'm just like cringing inside. So I totally get it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my goodness. Well, what about for when you vacuum? Does it die quickly and you just like have short vacuum sessions?

Laura

To be fair, I did actually replace the battery not that long ago, which is something I didn't realize you could do until recently. And it made it a lot better. Like it was so much cheaper than replacing the vacuum. Obviously it just required unscrewing the old battery and screwing it back in. And that's very much revitalized it. I also have like multiple types of vacuums, like I have the stick, I have the Roomba and I have the like workhorse plug-in one. And do I use any of them very regularly? No, not really. My floor is just gross.

Even the robot one that works on its own. I know, but you have to clear the floor. Yeah. Anyway, that was it for vacuuming. I don't want to I don't want to dwell on vacuuming too much, you know, because it kind of sucks.

Do you have another mom confession? I do, but let's take a break and come back with it. Oh, good idea.

Okay, we are back and we each have one more mom confession. Shanna, I think you can stump me on this one. Uh, yes. Maybe.

Shanna

You're so savvy. You're so savvy. Okay. Which one is true? I scared my kids by showing them something inappropriate on TikTok or my kids love a song about blowjobs.

Laura

Oh, these are both really plausible, unfortunately. Oh boy, I'm gonna go with blowjobs because your kids pick up on the funniest songs and you just, I know you try to ride them out. Like you just try to like not make a big deal out of it.

Shanna

Ding ding ding. You are right. You know me so well. Now this song is actually one I've listened to on and off over the years. It's very upbeat. It was on my workout list for a while. But as I've mentioned before on the show, I listen to songs very superficially, especially since becoming a parent. Like I just don't have the mental acuity right now to really think about words and metaphors and stuff like that. And on the surface it is extremely catchy and very innocuous. It is called Whistle by Flo Rida.

Laura

Are you familiar with this song? I'm not familiar with the song, no.

Shanna

Oh, it's so catchy. It's like he's whistling in the beginning, which, under pressure, I absolutely cannot whistle right now, but it's like, you do do do do, do do do do do. So it's a very catchy little tune.

Laura

I think I've know that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. OK. This is ringing a bell.

Shanna

OK. So that came up and I listened to it like maybe three or four times with the kids in the car. And I'm like whistling along. I'm like, oh, this like cute song about whistling from flow right out. Like I just did not put the pieces together. And then we're driving the other day and I like actually start listening to the words. And I'm like, oh, yeah, Shanna. OK. Yeah, I get what this is about now.

Laura

Okay, I'm gonna need some lyrics to understand why it's about blowjobs.

Shanna

Okay, I mean, maybe it's not. You tell me, Laura, you tell me, okay. Can you blow my whistle, baby, whistle, baby, let me know. Girl, I'm gonna show you how to do it and we'll start real slow. Just put your lips together and you come real close. Can you blow my whistle, baby, whistle, baby? Here we go.

Laura

Yeah, I mean, I guess an argument could be made that it's a metaphor for something else, but what does like lyrics genius say?

Shanna

What does lyrics genius analyze song lyrics?

Laura

Oh, yeah, they do. OK, let's see. I'm going to find out. OK. Flow, ride a whistle.

Shanna

I do have one more stanza to read to you. Oh, please do. Please do. Do you want to read it now or after your sleuthing?

Laura

Well, let's see. OK, so you just read the chorus. So let's see what the genius genius.com says. The genius annotation says, this is a metaphor for oral sex. The whistle represents the penis and Flo wants this girl to blow his dick.

Shanna

Yep, that's what we've been rocking out to in the car. Okay, here's the other stands I was going to share. Okay. Go on, girl. You can twerk it. Let me see you whistle while you work it. I'm on a lay back. Don't stop because I love how you drop it. Drop it. Drop it on me. Now, Shorty, let that whistle blow. Oh, oh, oh. Yeah, baby. Make that whistle blow.

Laura

Yeah, it doesn't seem too ambiguous anymore.

Shanna

It's totally not, it is to my kids, cause they don't know anything about oral sex. They know about whistles and they totally 100% think it's about learning how to whistle like with your mouth, you know? They hear that first part, the other day that we were listening to this and they heard the part about just put your lips together and start real slow, come real close. And Sisi's like, that's bad advice. That's not how you whistle. That's bad advice. And the L was like, yep, that's bad advice. I was like, yeah, that is really bad advice.

Laura

Amazing, amazing. So I don't know it's one of those I'm like let's hope that one burns out real soon and we just move on to other stuff because I feel weird now You know now that I know and we're listening to them like I feel kind of icky inside It's funny too because like you know you want to be like sex positive and not approved and not weird about things But then and like you want to be the cool parent right who doesn't give a shit about stuff like that and then you're like but you Yeah! And then you start creeping into like, you know, won't someone please think of the children? Why are they allowing this song to be made? Oh my goodness!

Shanna

Ah, totally on board with the song, you know? There's an audience for that. Just probably not a four-year-old.

Laura

Do you think there's a kids bop version? Oh my god, probably. Anyway, well, I hope that they move on to something more appropriate so that you can stop worrying about them repeating the lyrics to like Friends Parents or something. Oh god.

Shanna

Yes. They're like, I learned to whistle by listening to Flo Rida. It's like, oh, good for you. Yes. So we'll hopefully move on from that soon. What about you, Laura? What's your last mom confession?

Laura

OK. In what inappropriate way did I express some big feelings recently? Did I break down crying in front of Sebastian's unsuspecting preschool teacher? Or did I physically assault a plastic dinosaur while yelling, fuck at the top of my lungs?

Shanna

Oh, man. Breaking down in front of a preschool teacher is very, very plausible, as the mother of a two-year-old. And yelling fuck while hurting a plastic dinosaur, that sounds like rage room level satisfying. I'm going to go with that one.

Laura

You are correct. That is the correct answer. I have so far maintained my composure in front of preschool teachers, but no guarantees that will continue. But yeah. So here's the thing. I was upset the other night. Like I was in like triggered, ragey, angry mode, very frustrated. And all I remember is that I came downstairs. I was frustrated with bedtime. I was frustrated with bad time. The kids were just being difficult. And I had to go downstairs to like get something. And I, you know, puffing and puffing and stomping down the stairs. And as I walk into the living room, I step smack on a hard plastic dinosaur. And those things are not comfortable to step on, you know, it's probably like six inches long. I picked up that plastic dinosaur and

slammed it like full body force just imagine the meteor that slammed into the earth that wiped out the dinosaurs like that was what I was channeling when I slammed this plastic dinosaur against my hardwood floor and just yell fuck at the top of my lungs. I have to say I did feel better after doing that, like not 100%, but I was just like, you know, collateral damage is fine. We have a lot of plastic dinosaurs. But you know what's interesting about it is I was, you know, coming up with my mom confessions for this segment. And I truly cannot remember why I was upset.

Shanna

Oh, that's interesting.

Laura

All I remember is being overwhelmed and so upset and angry, but I do not remember the exact circumstances of why. And I think that's really telling, right? Like, it wasn't even necessarily about something specific that was happening. I was just done that day.

And I remember the feeling, but I have no memory of what it was that was pissing me off. So I'm here to report that I'm better now. Good. I haven't slammed any plastic dinosaurs into the ground. How's your wood floor? Did it leave a dent? Not that I know of. Our floors are over 100 years old. They're like 120 years old or something. So they have plenty of dents from other things. A plastic dinosaur is not going to kill our floor. Good and did the dinosaur break does not appear to that shit is sturdy Yeah, very impressive. I thought for sure a tail would have snapped off or a you know stegosaurus horn or something, but no

Shanna

Yeah. Well, I feel you. You know, it's the ambiguity of what happened. You know, there's just sometimes just an accumulation of bullshit, like going through the day dealing with kids and stuff, then it kind of all bubbles up. And the fact that maybe something specific did happen, but now it's just not memorable because it's just part of the history of parenting. I totally get that. And recently I was so mad. about something. I don't even remember exactly what. I just recall being in the bathroom and Cici being on the floor having some meltdown that I almost punched the wall and I've like never done that ever. Like I stopped short because I had the foresight to know that that would hurt my hand really bad. But if I had had a plastic dinosaur in my hand, oh my god, that dinosaur would have, his neck would have gone through the wall probably. I was so mad.

Laura

That dinosaur would be dead more than extinct. Yeah. Yeah. It's so interesting. And it also makes me reflect on the fact that like, my cup was completely empty that day. And I can see that in retrospect. It wasn't about whatever bullshit was going on in the house. It was all piddling, but probably more had to do with the fact that I probably was getting shitty sleep because of Sebastian's ongoing sleep issues. I was probably stressed about money and the school decision and all this stuff was probably swirling in my head. And being that drained gives you zero resilience for that sort of stuff. While like today, now that the school decision has been made and I'm just not, and I'm not as tired because Sebastian's starting to sleep a little bit better, it's like, oh, I can deal with the kids being difficult. I don't need to try to like vaporize some toys against my hardwood floor, you know?

It's, I'm okay. So it's a good reminder to me to like, you know, try to take care of myself because otherwise it comes out in violent ways.

Shanna

Yes. Yes. The threshold just becomes so low when you're depleted. It sure does. Well, I'm glad you're feeling better and I'm glad you got your rage out. You know, if you ever want to go back to a rage room girl, just let me know. We will do it.

Laura

Oh, that was the best. I do want to do that. I do. And I'm glad your bathroom wall is still intact.

Shanna

Me too. For now, though, I think we should move on to our BFPs and BFNs. Yes, we should.

We wrap up every week with our big fat positives or big fat negatives. Laura, you're up first. What do you got for us? I have a BFP. OK. What is it?

Laura

It is Augie's new Millennium Falcon Wall.

Shanna

Whoa. I remember when you were endeavoring to convert his bed into some cool spaceship. Is that part of this project?

Laura

It is. So do you remember how I sent you a mock-up of what I was going to do?

Shanna

for his bed. Yes. I remember like all 39 parts of it. Yes.

Laura

And you're like, how the fuck are you going to do this? Well, I found a shortcut, which is there is a huge mural wallpaper that I found on Amazon that is like you're inside the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon as it goes into like hyperspeed or hyperspace or whatever they call it. Oh, so I ordered that and I finally got it put up. I haven't been able to put his new bed together. Partially because when I suggested putting his new bed together, he freaked out. And so he didn't want to get rid of his current bed, which is like his toddler. He's like crib converted into a toddler bed, which he's so big in. Um, but I was like, don't you want the new spaceship bed? And he was very adamant that he did not want the new spaceship bed. So I decided to do a half measure and put up this big wall mural. Um, and here I'm going to send you a video of him seeing it for the first time. Oh, okay.

What do you think?

What? Oh, it's just a little wrinkled. Which one is this? It's the Millennium Falcon. Where's my spaceship bed? You told me you didn't want to change your bed yet. Well, I did. So now you do want to change your bed? Yeah. Now that you have the Millennium Falcon wall behind you. Yeah. Do you like it? I'm going to drive it.

Does it feel like you're going into hyperspace? Yes. Hyperdrive? No.

Shanna

Oh my gosh, I love him so much. He is so cute. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Laura

He does. He must have learned that at school. He goes like, yeah, yeah, yeah, for things. It's so funny.

Shanna

That's so cute. I also love how he immediately points out the imperfection in your installation of the wallpaper. Seriously. Like, what?

Laura

OK, and I was like very self-conscious about it because it was kind of a pain in the ass to put up. Instead of it being like a pasted wallpaper, which I did in Sebastian's room, which I got really good at and like did a perfect job with. This was like sticky sticker vinyl, like which was also kind of stretchy and it was just impossible to get just perfectly flat. But I was like, whatever. It's my four year old's room, like it's fine. It also doesn't go edge to edge, and I'm like, whatever. Because I could have gone edge to edge, but I would have had to do a lot of trimming. And I'm like, I don't have time to do that. It's fine. But he immediately started playing with it and pretending to press the buttons. And that night, Corey told me he had to sit in his chair facing it and pretend to be driving the Millennium Falcon. I'd call that a success.

Shanna

Yeah, and it looks really cool. It's huge and you can see like the stars whizzing by. It's really cool. We'll have to share the video and picture on social for sure.

Laura

Yeah, we will. So, yeah, that's my BFP. Love it. How about you, BFP or BFN?

Shanna

I have a BFP. Oh, good. So, it kind of starts a little with a BFN. Recently, I've been taking my kids everywhere, right? Sports, softball, basketball started up again. I'm taking them to the Y to go swimming. We went to the Aquatic Center where they have slides. just all this super fun stuff for kids. And I had the realization that I spend so much time manufacturing and supervising my kids fun, but I rarely have any of my own. All the stuff that they do is super duper, duper fun for them. I have a good time watching them do it and stuff. I've always been a pretty active person. I love playing sports. I like swimming. I like doing lots of things. And I just don't do any of that for myself anymore. It's like all about creating the experience for my kids. So I was pretty bummed about that, but I was also motivated by it.

So part of the BFP is that my mom and stepdad were in town this week, which is really nice. And my mom heard me say this. Like I was lamenting to her about this. I don't have any fun on my own. And later that day, she's like, hey, I'll babysit tonight. Why don't you and Steve go out? And my first reaction was like, oh, I don't know. What'll we do? It's hard to figure stuff out like this weird like aversion to the idea. I was like, Shanna, come on. You spend like all your nights putting things to bed and then eating the same thing and then watching shows like let's do something fun. So totally spur of the moment. We figured out a plan and I was like, Steve, I want to do something like active. I want to do something fun. You know, these kids are always doing active things. So we went to Happy Hour, first of all, at a restaurant in the neighborhood that I never knew existed.

It's up on the hill. It's overlooking the valley. It was absolutely gorgeous. My cocktail was so cool. It arrived in some hummingbird-looking feeder thing. It was very spectacular and very strong. Um, and then we went bowling and it was awesome. It was so fun to do something active and fun and with Steve without kids, you know, not supervising whether they're dropping balls on their toes or whatever. Just, just us and having a good time. So it was a blast.

Laura

Are you good at bowling?

Shanna

I'm pretty good. I beat Steve. I pretty much crushed in the first game. I got three strikes, not that I'm counting. And then my fingers got a little tired, you know, out of practice. And then he barely beat me the second game, but they did an overall score. Nice. Yeah. You know me. I'm competitive. I like to, you know, try my best at things. So.

Laura

Yes. Yes. I actually love bowling. I think it's super fun. But I am a dork who has to show up with a wrist brace because if I don't, I get so sore. Yeah. So. Yeah.

Shanna

Well, just paint flames on your wrist brace or something and it'll be cool.

Laura

Yeah. Super cool.

My kids do think my wrist braces, because I wear them every night to bed. Also another sign of me being just the coolest person on the planet. But they fucking love those things. They always steal them and think they're blasters. They put them on their wrists and treat them as blasters. Both of them are running around. And so every night I have to track my freaking wrist guards down because they've taken them to the playroom. Well, that sounds really fun. I had a similar revelation recently. where I think I saw a TikTok or something about how like, you know, it's important for adults to have fun to like to play, I guess specifically. And I did kind of realize like, I don't have that in my life really right now. But it also seems like work to figure out how to do that. So I commend you and I commend your mom for forcing you to do it because she was right.

Shanna

Yeah, totally needed it. It was really fun. And I'm so grateful that she and Pop Pop babysat the girls and they did great to put them to bed. And she's like, yeah, they passed right out. And I was like, lucky you. Good for you. I'm glad it worked out that way.

Anyway, that's it for me, and that is it for our show. Laura, you got a five-star review to read?

Laura

You know I do. Yay. This one is from Carly. Carly says, so happy I found you guys five stars. I've been binging this podcast since March 2022 when I found out I was pregnant with my first baby. Laura and Shanna have been so funny, enjoyable, and informational along this motherhood journey. Keep doing what you're doing. You continuously make my day. Thank you and love you guys. Smiley face. Oh, well Carly, we love you for listening.

Shanna

Yeah. Thank you Carly. That's such a sweet review and we really appreciate you taking the time to do that. And listeners, if you haven't had a chance yet to leave us a five-star review, could you do us a favor and head on over to Apple Podcasts, leave five stars, say a few things you love about the show, and we might read it on an upcoming episode. If you have any mom confessions, you want to share with us. Oh, you know we want to hear that juicy stuff, so you better reach out. Laura, where can everyone find us?

Laura

We're on TikTok, Instagram, threads, and Facebook at BFB Podcast. We have a website, BigBatPositivePodcast.com. If you want to send us an email, you can send it to contact at BigBatPositivePodcast.com. And finally, if you want to join the coolest group of people on the internet, just search Facebook for Big Fat Positive Community. It's a private group, so you have to request to join and make sure you answer those two membership questions so we know you're not a robot. Once you do that, you'll be sent straight through to the amazing and wonderful conversations we're having in there.

Shanna

Our show is produced by Laura Birek, Shanna Micko, and Steve Yager. Thanks for listening, everyone. Bye. Bye.

Bizarre Mom Crushes and a New Bedtime Routine – Ep. 265

July 31, 2023

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Bizarre Mom Crushes and a New Bedtime Routine – Ep. 265

July 31, 2023

Listen Now:

Episode Gallery

This episode's sponsors:

Whisker Litter-Robot

Once Upon a Dance

Tags

Episode Transcript