Reducing Your Toddler’s Nighttime Wakings – Ep. 263

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Shanna

Hi, welcome to Big Fat Positive with Shanna and Laura. On this week's episode, we have our weekly check-ins, we have our special segment, Throwback, where I tell a story about the time I was a boy crazy co-ed, and we wrap it up with our weekly BFPs and BFNs. Let's get started.

Hello everyone and welcome to episode 263. Hey there, Laura. Hello, Shanna. Hi. Good to hear your voice. I want to know what's going on with you and the kids and maybe Cory, the cats, the whole gang.

Laura

I'm not sure the cats are going to make an appearance in this check-in, but everyone else will. All right. Well, actually, Augie is sort of taking a backseat this week, too. Augie's doing great. Augie's doing fine. That's my second for Augie. What I am going to talk about is Sebastian. And if you recall, I've been lamenting Sebastian's bad sleep for a few weeks. Well, I mean for basically his whole life, but we've been like sort of on this roller coaster of like there will be periods where he sleeps well and then periods where he doesn't. The last couple of weeks have been truly horrendous. We were in Portland last week and like that was just nobody was sleeping. Like we were all sharing a room and it was horrible. So what do I do when I have a parenting problem, Shanna?

Shanna

Um, you call your favorite experts, Gia.

Laura

I sure do. I called Gia and I was like, Gia, hope we can eat help. And actually what happened was I was at mommy and me class with her or toddler and me class with her. And I was just like, Gia, he's not sleeping. I don't know what to do. And she's like, okay, we're going to get on the phone. We're going to get on the phone with you and Corey. We're going to figure this out. So we actually had a Zoom right before we left for Portland and she gave us some strategies to try and was basically like, you could try them in Portland. I wouldn't bother. But when you get back, try them. So we came back and we were like, all right, time to get back into a routine, time to get this kid back to sleeping through the night. And The sort of TLDR of her advice was too pronged. One was, look, this kid is just going to be more difficult than Augie was. You did your sleep training with Augie. It worked.

Every once in a while, you need to reinforce it, but you've never had him waking up multiple, multiple times a night for weeks on end. Right. So just psychologically prepare yourself for the fact that Sebastian's just going to be more stubborn about this and it's going to take more work on your part. And we're like, okay.

Shanna

Great.

Laura

And she was like, you need to decide are you going to just let him sleep in the bed with you, let him nurse all night. And she's like, it sounds like you've already decided that that's not how it's going to be. And if you say no to that, you have to decide and just be resolute and firm about holding your boundaries with this and having him sleep in his room and having him go to bed in his bed. And she's like, and that's going to mean you're going to get less sleep temporarily because you have to be consistent with him.

Shanna

Right.

Laura

And we're like, okay. Right.

Shanna

That's what you've been trying to avoid the whole time, which is what's gotten you to this point.

Laura

Exactly, exactly. So we just had like, oh, we have to be consistent in our parenting.

So we had to internalize that. And then her other thing was like, and we need to work on laying the groundwork during the day so he understands what's coming. Because right now he knows that if he puts up a big enough fight, you're going to let him come into bed and you're going to let him nurse all night. And like, We need to start showing him that that's not gonna happen and that there are ways to cope that are not just like getting a boob stuck in your mouth, right? Right. And you need to do that during the day. And we've talked about this, right? We know this intellectually. You've talked about this with your girls. It's like, oh, I know I have to do all this like, you know, pretend play with like the characters or whatever like their little toys doing third person play during the day but it's always so hard to find a time to fit it in you know.

So we were definitely like you know just like pre-exhausted if that's a you know what I mean like we just like were. We knew that it was gonna be hard but Corey to his credit like really stepped in and started working on this pretend play stuff and one day Sebastian was home and Augie was like off doing like a Lego project or something so he was able to like get Sebastian. Alone in the playroom, which is also critical because as we've discussed the kids end up like, you know, Augie will hijack the play session and we don't get to do like the actual therapeutic play because Augie will be like, no, Peter Pan's coming, you know, totally change the narrative. Turns it into a movie. Exactly.

But Cory was able to do some pretend play with the pop patrol and Sebastian one day this week early this week and he said what he was doing is like you know chase comes up and chase is like rubble I hear you're having a hard time sleeping and rubble's like yeah. I just want to play in the middle of the night, and then I feel scared. So he did the whole thing, right? And Corey tells me, he's like, I did this thing. I don't know if it registered or whatever, but he was into the game. I was like, OK, cool. OK, so that night, it was our first night of being like, all right, we're going to do this. So we get him down at like eight because it takes forever to get him down. And part of the strategy that we're using are the planned check-ins, right? We talked about this with Augie in the past and it worked very well with Augie and also like was not like super intensive with Augie.

Like we would do it and it was fine. With Sebastian, I was always hesitant to do the plan check-ins because I was like, once he's asleep, I want him to be asleep, you know? But Gia was like, he needs to know. She's like, you need to break up the wiring of, I wake up, I'm scared, I call for mommy, she comes. You need to interrupt that where you come no matter what. Sleeping, even if it wakes him up, it's better because his brain sees, oh yeah, mommy comes no matter what, right? And even if that wakes him up and then gets him crying, still, you've interrupted the pattern, right? So we did the thing, we check in every three minutes. That's the sweet spot we found because five minutes was a little too long. So three minutes, three minute check-ins, eventually got him to bed at eight.

Shanna

So what's happening with him during the check-ins? Is he staying in his bed? Is he crying? What's going on?

Laura

So yeah, at the beginning, he did not want anything to do with his bed. He was like getting on the nugget or walking up to the door or trying to get on the couch and crying, but he'd be crying, right? And I tried to keep redirecting him back to the bed, but he kept like crawling out of it. And that was what was happening this first night. He eventually, he fell asleep on the nugget that first night. And then at 11 30, of course, like just as I was drifting off to sleep, you know, like, ouch, he starts crying. And so we start doing our check ins. And it was kind of brutal, like a lot of crying on his part, he wants boo boo time. And he is so like, violent in a way when it comes to like his being upset. Auggie, you know, when we sleep trained Auggie, he would just cry and then he put his head down.

Sebastian, I like pick him up to try to comfort him and he will start like bucking like, like writhing and like throwing his head around and like, I'm afraid I'm going to drop him, you know, like he is a wild animal. And so it was really tough on me because like if he would be trying to like lift my shirt off, I'd be like, no honey, remember we talked about it? No booboo time at night. And then he would like arch his back and throw his head around and like try to scratch at my face. I mean, it was like truly awful and violent. So I had to start making Corey go in because of that. But I will say at some point, finally, Corey comes out of the room and he's like, I think he's asleep. And I was like, what? What did you do? He's like, he was screaming and mad at me. And I said, Rubble, Chase is here.

And apparently he just perked up and said, no, Rubble, Sky. And so he was like, oh, OK, Skye chases here and Chase knows you're having a hard time going to sleep. And he was like, uh-huh. And apparently, like, did the whole play pretend thing, and that's what got him to go down. So, yeah, so that worked really well. uh it worked really well for like two nights but it kind of got us over the hump because by the end of this week we had gotten him down to like one wake up a night or maybe two but like pretty quick check ins like we'd only have to do like one pop in. And he started sleeping in his bed again. Seriously, I don't know why. So we're not too perfect, but our nights are starting to get a lot better. And it turns out consistency and like active parenting may work.

Shanna

I guess that's what the experts say.

Laura

So yeah, so that's what's going on with us. I mean, it's like a good check-in. I wish I could be like, and now he's sleeping through the night, but we're not there yet. I messaged Gia, she was like, what's going on? Like, give me an update. And I was like, well, you know, we're down to one, sometimes two wake-ups at night, and he's sleeping in his bed. And she's like, that's great. That's a huge improvement. I'm like, I know, I know. I'm like, I just wish it was better. And she's like, look, it rarely takes more than 21 days.

Shanna

21? Oh God, and what were you at? Seven?

Laura

Yeah, like not even. And I was like, okay.

So I guess we have a little bit more of a road ahead of us.

Shanna

But yeah, it's a process, but you know, you've started and that's great. You know, it's so hard to enforce boundaries with our kids, especially when big emotions are involved and sleep. And you just sometimes want to just give in and do the easy thing. Like I totally get that is not easy. So I commend you guys for taking this step and doing the hard thing and I'm glad you're seeing progress.

Laura

Yeah, me too. I'm glad we're seeing progress because otherwise, I don't know. I don't know if we'd be able to stick with it, but yeah. Yeah, but it's very hard. At 3 a.m., it's super hard to be resolute. So, yeah. But hope is in the air. Yay. That's great. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. So that's it for me. Now it's your turn. I'm curious what's going on with you this week.

Shanna

Well, I continue to be on full-time mom duty because CeCe does not have school this week. She missed all last week because she was sick. It was her last week of preschool and now is like the break before camp, right? So I have her home with me all day. Your boy. Uh-huh. Elle at least is off at her YMCA camp. for a little bit before she starts her musical theater camp. So it's just like a lot of parenting and multitasking, parenting and work and stuff, but... And I hate to say this after your check-in. The one thing that's been really great this week for us is sleep.

Laura

That's fine. I'm happy for you. You never have to apologize for getting sleep when I'm not getting sleep. Like I want the world to be sleeping well and I will never hold it against you.

Shanna

Thank you. Thank you. What's been going on this week is something I don't think has ever happened in my parenting life up to this point. both of my kids all week have been sleeping until 7 a.m., which feels luxurious. I'm like waking up to my alarm, cause I usually set it at 6 30 so I can get up and like get them ready and everything. I'm like, no one's in my room bothering me, waking me up, asking for chocolate milk, saying, can I play my pad? Like, nothing. I'm just like, what is going on? And so I just like, They keep lying there and resting and they're waking up at seven. I have no idea why, but I'm just enjoying it. You should. It's nice, yeah.

Laura

Augie sleeps in now. Like, Augie will sleep in to like 7, 7.30 most days and I love it. I absolutely love it. And if both kids did that, I mean, what would my life be like? I can't even imagine.

Shanna

I don't know. It's good. It's good. This week has been good. By Saturday, it was all over. Like it didn't last. It's not the new normal. It was just a freak occurrence. A growth spurt or something. Yes. Yes. They just needed extra rest for some reason. So I enjoyed it.

Laura

You could become one of those like TikTok or Instagram real influencers who's like, here's my morning routine before the kids get up from bed. You know, like I make a smoothie every morning and I journal and then I do like a quick workout and then I wake my kids up.

Shanna

Okay, here's my morning routine before they wake up. I snooze my alarm clock. I put my head back down on my pillow and fall back asleep. Oh, I love it. Wonderful. I don't know how many followers I'd gain with that routine.

Laura

I've not had to set an alarm clock for so long because like they wake me up.

Shanna

They do, and I really don't need an alarm, but it's that just-in-case thing, especially during the school year when school started at eight and we had to leave the house by 7.30. It's just-in-case. I at least need to be up. Yeah, fair. So that's that. It's been a pretty smooth week. Otherwise, I do have one little thing about our week that I'll talk about in the final segment. But for now, I think that's pretty much it.

Laura

All right. So that means it's time to move on to our special segment. OK.

Okay, we are back and our special segment this week is Throwback. Last week, you heard a story from my college years and this week, I think Shanna is gonna grace us with something similar, but different.

Shanna

I am.

Laura

Shanna, take it away.

Shanna

So let's rewind to 1996. I was a freshman at NAU, which is Northern Arizona University. And this is in Flagstaff, Arizona. I grew up in Phoenix, Arizona, which is about a two-hour drive away. I really wanted to get out of Phoenix and go up to the mountains and go to college. So that's where I was going. I was living in the dorm with my roommate, Roseanne, in a very tiny room. And one of the most notable things about me at that time is that I was completely boy crazy.

I have a journal from this year of my life. That's when I started journaling when I went off to college because I was like, I need to like document my life. It's so important now. And it is filled with things like, this guy in my sociology class is drop dead gorgeous. And things like, oh, I have the hots for the sportscaster on NewsWatch. which is the campus news show. It's just about all these guys I've got the hots for. That's hilarious. I decorated my dorm room by getting a huge 16 by 24 poster board and cutting out hot guys from magazines and gluing them. I made a huge collage of hot guys.

Laura

You made a hot guy vision board?

Shanna

I totally did. It was my vision board. It was the perfect example of my problem with boys, okay? My whole life, my problem, or one of them at least, is that I would fall in love with guys that were just out of my league, like just way too hot or Drop dead gorgeous for me, right? Those were the ones I liked and I didn't like the other guys who were into me. So as a result, I never had a lot of boyfriends or dates or anything like that.

Laura

Well, and nothing turns a guy on and bringing him back to your dorm room where you have a vision board full of magazine clippings full of disembodied heads.

of other guys. Shirtless Leonardo DiCaprio. Oh my gosh, Leo in 1996 was perfect. I was in love with Leonardo. I truly believe that the only thing standing in the way of us and having a true relationship was that I hadn't met him yet. If he met me. He would know. And incidentally, the way I kind of justified to myself that it was never going to work, I was like, oh, I'm just too young for him. I'm too young for Leo.

Shanna

That's the only problem.

Laura

Turns out I wasn't because all he does is date young ass girls. But anyway, I digress. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. Leo was a good choice. Leo was a good choice.

Shanna

Oh, yeah. So lots of Leo and Calvin Klein models and stuff on my walls. But yet I was manless. And since it was 1996, I was basically like sitting in my dorm room listening to sad Sarah McLaughlin songs, like bemoaning the one guy I dated that summer, like a TGI Friday's waiter named Rusty. You know, it's like this was my life, basically. So let's cut back to high school a little bit for some context here. When I was in high school, one of my main activities was that I was on the speech team and I competed at speech tournaments all the time. That was one of the things that I did.

Laura

Hot girl activities. Yeah. Okay.

Shanna

Oh, yeah. Yeah, definitely. So at these speech tournaments, like former speech team members like would come back and judge the tournaments, you know what I mean? So like people who went off to college would come back and judge these tournaments. There was one judge in particular who was well known by the speech girls. His name will call him Anthony. He came back from college to judge speech tournaments and he was what I would have called, quote, drop dead, gorgeous. He was in college, he was older, probably 2021, extremely tan, which to me was just an obsession because I have always been so pale. Like I just like, oh my God, he's so tan, right? I just remember just loving his tan and these like green eyes that were sparkly. And he was so confident, right?

He was in the speech side where it was more like acting, because I don't know if people are familiar with speech and debate, but actually there's like more like acting stuff that goes on with speech. Like I was involved in like comedy and like duo acting. We would act out plays and stuff. So he was on that side of things. He was very funny, charismatic. And that's Anthony. We just knew him. And of course had a crush on him. So here I am in college at NAU 1996. And one day I got a call from my friend Amy from high school. And Amy was also on the speech team with me. And she's like, Shanna, I ran into Anthony. And he is on the speech team at NAU. And I was like, what? And she's like, yes. And I was like, oh my god. She's like, I got his number. And I want to give it to you so you can call him about being on the speech team at NAU.

And I was like, OK, that will entice me to be on the speech team at NAU. I had been on the fence about it. I didn't know if I was good enough to be on college speech team. But as soon as I got Anthony's phone number, I called him. And we talked for like 45 minutes about the speech team. And he convinced me to go to a speech team meeting.

Laura

Wow, 45 minutes.

Shanna

Yeah. Yeah, that was good for me.

Laura

For our younger listeners, you have to understand there was no texting. Like you either talked on the phone or in person. Yes. There were no emails. I mean, there was email at the time, but it was like no one was sending each other emails to discuss things. Nobody under the age of 40 probably.

Shanna

No, he was fully calling my dorm room telephone, which I think had like a coyly cord. It was very, very old school. So I go to the speech team meeting and I realized that I have the hots for like five of the guys on the speech team. One of them was that sportscaster from NewsWatch. He was actually one of the assistant coaches. I was like, oh my God. He's here and like Anthony's here. And there was this guy, Derek, who was like a former paratrooper and a poet. And I was just like, holy shit, sign me up. So I signed up for the speech team and then realized that most of those dudes were already taken or much older than me. And like I didn't stand a chance, right? But whatever, I'm doing my speech team thing. And one night we all go and hang out after speech practice. And as the night goes on, like me and Anthony kind of separate off from the rest of the group.

And we're hanging out, a lot of people go home, and we start watching Caddyshack together. And by the end of the night, he's like, well, do you want to go out on a date with me? And I was like, yes. Very excited about having scored my first college date. Amazing. Yes. Yes, it was.

Laura

One might say you manifested that with your vision board.

Shanna

I had put in the work. I was getting my rewards. So I'm super duper excited about this upcoming date. Like two days later. I'm getting ready in the morning for my step aerobics class and I put in my left contact in my eye and then I go to put in my right contact and it completely cracks in half. Now, if you've listened to this podcast, you know, I had a huge insecurity about my fricking eyes and my glasses and my fucking contacts like all growing up. This was a five alarm emergency for me because I had no backup contacts. My contacts are custom made because I have such horrible eyesight. I have a stigmatism that's off the chart. My contacts are very expensive. They take a long time to make. I don't have any other contacts on hand. All I have are my dopey backup glasses, which are like from sophomore year of high school.

They're just like whatever dopey old like wire frame, I don't know, probably half tinted glasses that I had from high school that I only wear at night before bed. And the first thought that goes through my mind is, oh my God, I have a date with Anthony in two days and I cannot wear these glasses on this date. I was, I cannot tell you like how devastated I was at the thought of having to wear glasses on this date.

Laura

Well, yeah, because this is the 90s when like all the movies are about how like

Shanna

Girls in glasses are not attractive but once you take those glasses off look out she's had a makeover exactly it's like the first thing you do in your makeover right in my journal just like oh my god i'm gonna look so nerdy and just like i'm obsessing over this right. And so I call my mom because obviously I need to like order new contacts just for life. And she's like, okay, like I'll put in order for new contacts and they're custom made. So it's going to take them a while to get made. They're not going to be done before my date in a couple of days. And I just like, I guess resigned myself to wearing glasses on this date. And of course, like the days go by and I'm like, oh my God, maybe I'll just like cancel this date or have a reason to not I don't know what to do. I'm so embarrassed. And I called my mom back like the day before the date.

And I was like, I just, I don't know what to do. I'm so anxious about this. I'm so insecure. Like he's so hot, you know? This is my first date in college. I don't know what to do. And she's like, well, you know what? And I was like, what? She's like, you have like your old contacts here, you know? Like you have backup contacts that you wore like a year ago, just like sitting in the bathroom, And I was like, yeah. She's like, well, maybe you could use those. And I'm like, yeah, but like Phoenix is two hours away and I don't have a car. Like I can't come down and grab contacts and come back up for this date. And my mom says, what if... I take off work early, drive up to Flagstaff, and bring you these backup contacts so you can wear contacts on your date. And I was like, what? Are you serious? She's like, yeah, I will do that. And I'm like, oh my god, yes.

So my mom took off work early, took a half day, drove two hours up to Flagstaff, delivered me contacts, and drove back home that day. And I wore my contacts. That night for my didn't have to wear my glasses.

Laura

Oh, that is like the sweetest thing. I know she's so sweet. Although I have to say that like now that I'm a mom, I can see jumping at the opportunity to like spend five minutes with my kid. You know, I could be like, yes, I will drive you your favorite, I don't know, Transformers toy. I don't think he's going to care about Transformers toys when he comes to college, but maybe he will. So I can like, you know, secretly sniff your head one more time.

Shanna

That's so true. And it was only like a couple of months after I had left. For college, you know, so I was like, oh, a chance to see Shanna. So I was just really moved by that. And that element of this story is what has stuck with me my whole life, not even so much like the date and all this stuff. It was like, oh my God, my mom dropped everything to save the day. regarding a situation that could totally be written off as superficial, not important. Go cares, Shanna, just wear your glasses, right? I understand that it's really not that big of a deal. My mom wears glasses, right? People wear glasses. People do wear glasses, yeah. They do. But the fact that she listened to my feelings and like validated me and understood and did something to support me was so, I don't know, it was just really special to me that she did that.

Laura

It is really special. But I do feel obligated to ask like, are you calling this guy Anthony? And then it turns out his real name is Steve Yager and you guys got married.

Shanna

Oh, no, no, no. That is not how this went down. I went on the date here. Let's see. I'll pull out my journal and I'll read to you what we did on the date. Yes. Oh, okay. So this is from November 21st, 1996, Thursday. I wrote down Thursday.

Okay, I've got news. I went on my first date since I've been up here two days ago. It was with Anthony, the guy who helped me get involved in the speech team. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So Anthony picks me up and we go to his apartment and he cooks a really good dinner. Parentheses, his brother's home, which I don't really mind because he's a cool guy. And we eat and watch a couple hours of TV. Then his brother goes into his bedroom to do homework. So now me and Anthony are alone, smiley face. Well, we pick out a movie and go into his bedroom and watch it. And then it just goes on to describe how we made out and it wasn't very good.

Laura

So going to a college guy's apartment, having him cook you dinner and having to like make out while his brother is hiding in the other room. was not super romantic?

Shanna

Yeah, it turned out it wasn't the dream I hoped it would be. But of course, I continued to date him for a little while and like the journal goes on, I'm mulling over whether or not I should like stay with Anthony or not. Just really quickly, I have to read you the pros and cons list I made about him. I'd be so mad if you didn't. OK. The pros, attractive, mature, can be myself around him. Great support for speech. We can laugh together. Outgoing. He likes me. Cons. Talks about himself a lot that is capitalized and underlined a lot. Sometimes thinks he's funnier than he is. No job. Acts arrogant like he's better than others. Oh boy. Not the best kisser. Terrible hairdo.

So amazing. My romance with Anthony did not last all that much longer, maybe like a couple months and whatever. But the main point of the story is that my mom saved the day and man-o-man moms are awesome. Moms are awesome. Your mom especially is very awesome.

Laura

And we love her. Yeah.

Shanna

Yeah. You know, so taking that into my parenting life now, I think I'm just going to take those lessons of listening to my kids. hearing what they have to say about their experiences, even if maybe on the surface, they might seem a little superficial, really just hearing the feelings and doing what I can to step up and be a hero when they need me. Isn't that the job? I feel like that's the job. That's the job description I got when I got pregnant.

Laura

When you got the HR forms. Yeah.

Shanna

When I signed my W2s.

Laura

If only. I know. It's a W negative 2 where they take money out of your bank account for the rest of your life. Yeah. Well, have you googled Anthony? Like, have you seen what he's up to these days?

Shanna

Yes, I did only for this story. I've pretty much literally forgotten about him until I remember this story. And there isn't much about him online. It does look like he is or was the manager of a golf club, which I was like, oh yeah, he was a golfer. He took me golfing one day as one of our dates. So that makes sense. Yeah, that all tracks. There's nothing surprising there.

Laura

Yeah. All right. Well, that was very fun. Thank you for sharing that story.

Shanna

Yeah, but I think that it is time for us to move on to our final segment. Yes, it is.

We're back and we wrap up every week with our big fat positives or big fat negatives. Laura, you're up first and I want to know, do you got a BFP or a BFN? I have a BFP. Okay.

Laura

And mine is a term or a concept that I learned about on our friend Heather's Substack Newsletter. It's by our friend Heather Sundell, and she has a sub-stack called the Miss Hezza Letter. It's M-I-S-S-H-E-Z-A-H. And I love her sub-stack. I love her writing. She's funny. We actually made friends in storytelling class altogether. She has two kids, so I always relate to her writing. And she mentioned this concept called camel mode. Have you heard of this? Mm-mm. She wrote about it in her newsletter from May 27th, 2023, called A Very 1900s Birthday. And she was actually quoting a piece by Catherine Jezzermorton in the cut. And she was talking about something that she calls camel mode in parenting. And I'm just going to read the quote.

She says, I call it camel mode because when you're caring for young children and giving yourself over to their needs, you are crossing a metaphysical desert of the self without water like a camel waters your sense of personal sovereignty. It lives inside you somewhere in your pumps. But after you become a parent, it recedes from view and soon from mind. You can be in camel mode for years without realizing it because part of what defines it is a dulling of the senses. What you care about in camel mode is that everyone is quiet and disaster is averted. Your standards for what constitutes a fun time dip to historic lows. When a co-worker idly asks you if you had a fun summer or enjoyed the long weekend, you may feel a tug of awareness that you have no idea what they mean by that.

You might rather spend time alone with your snacks and episodes rather than with friends because you feel boring and don't want to have to do the jazz hands of socializing. But camel mode is not depression. Not everything is a diagnosis. And I was just like, yes. Like, I love this idea. That's relatable. It is relatable. And I love that it's like the way that she puts. And by the way, that quote was from Catherine Jezre Morton. her piece. And then Heather went on to talk about it in her newsletter as well. But like, I just love this idea because I've had that feeling like she says a doling of the senses or this like all consuming sense, this all consumingness of being a mother, right? Where you're just all your focus is on the kids and like just getting them from one moment to the next. And I feel like people try to pathologize it, right? Like, oh, is that postpartum of depression?

Are you depressed? You should do more self-care. You should find out what really drives you. What are you interested in? But identifying it as camel mode in that some people, it lasts for months and some people, it can last for years. Like the author said that her kids are like nine and 13 and she's just getting out of it, basically. takes the power away from like thinking it's something you have to fix, right? Right. Just a phase of life. And you are crossing this desert. You know, you are storing all your energy in your humps, right? And it's gonna come back. Once you're through the desert, you're gonna find your sense of self again. And it's not like gone forever. And that just really resonated with me. So I wanted to, I just wanted to talk about it as my beef.

Shanna

Yeah. I love this idea. And I really like hearing from someone who's on the other side of it or almost on the other side of it giving us hope because when I go to my Monday meetings at work and they're like, what did you all do this weekend? And people are talking about the fun things they did. And I'm like, um.

Well, I like either can't think of what I did or it's just such boring family stuff that I don't even chime in, you know. So I'm definitely feeling in the camel mode.

Laura

Yeah. I'm deep in camel mode for sure. I do feel like I'm trying to crawl my way out of the desert though, like a little bit, you know, now that both kids are in preschool and like, I don't know, I feel like I'm trying to find that reclaim that sense of self. but I also appreciate that I don't have to necessarily write this second. Because there's a lot of pressure on parents to like suddenly, you know, it's like you have to be this full human with all these other interests or else you're not like doing self care right and blah, blah, blah. It's like, okay, maybe we don't. Like maybe we can just get through this time of our lives and know with confidence that like we are still waiting for ourselves at the end. I don't know.

Shanna

I like the idea of storing up the energy too so it'll be there later because I definitely don't feel like that right now. I'm just like, oh, my energy is zapped and going away and all these parts of myself have drifted off and never to be found again. The idea of just maybe storing them somewhere inside from later on down the road. I like that idea.

Laura

Yeah. So yeah, that's my BFP. Not the existence of camel mode, because in a beautiful, perfect world, we wouldn't have it. But like, you know, I think it is what it is. It's just a phase of life and it's good to put language to it, you know? So that's mine. How about you, BFP or BFN? I have a BFN.

Shanna

So this week, while CeCe was off school, I was like, I got to do something fun with her. And I was thinking about how Elle has so many extracurricular activities, you know, she's really in a softball right now. And I'm going to sign her up for basketball again. She's doing her musical theater. Like there's so much she does. And what does CeCe do? Like I just kind of I mean, she did play softball this last season, but, you know, she wasn't too involved in that. And there's got to be something else I can get her into. So I'm looking into ideas and I was like, oh, what about gymnastics? You know, gymnastics, I think she would really like. So I was looking at some different places with. gymnastics and I came across my gym, which we've done before. And I was like, oh, maybe my gym would be fun. We haven't been like since before the pandemic, right? She never got to go at my gym.

Like Elle went to my gym for years. And I was like, you know what? I'll sign up for my gym. So I signed up for like their week trial and signed her up for a class called preschool gymnastics. And we went to that class this week and man, oh man.

It was not good, Laura. Really? It was not good. In what way? First of all, it was jam-packed. There were so many little three and four-year-olds. There were like 16 of them in there on the floor. Two teachers who did not seem that enthusiastic or in control. Before the pandemic, we were in love with our My Gym teachers. I'm like, where's teacher Tommy? Where's teacher... Amar, like those guys were awesome. They were so enthusiastic, right? They had complete control of these kids. Not the case here. Kids were running around. You know, in my gym, you start with like circle time, right? You sit around and kind of you follow along with the class. It's not really a run wild kind of class. Kids were running off just in all different directions, not paying attention. So CECE was like distracted. The level of gymnastics that they did does not qualify as gymnastics in my mind.

Like there was barely anything that they did that could qualify. They set out some like wedges that they like ran up. I don't know the activities where we are like all of it. And I was thinking to myself, oh my gosh, I can't pay like $150 a month to come to this. This can't happen. So it was a real disappointment and now I'm just like, You know, left back at square one thinking, what do I want to do? Maybe find another gymnastics place for her. So yeah, I don't know. It was just kind of a disappointment all around.

Laura

Well, especially because you have such fond memories of it from before.

Shanna

Yeah.

Laura

I do feel like my gym, you know, they're all franchises. So some can be great and some are not so great, right? Like it all depends on the teachers and who owns the franchise. I've been to a couple different locations and noticed a difference as well. So, yeah, that sucks though, because, you know, now you have to find something else to do.

Shanna

Yeah, yeah. So I'm back to the drawing board on figuring out what to do with her.

Laura

Well, I'm sure in the meantime you guys could just do some karaoke of Casey Musgraves, maybe.

Shanna

I think that's a good idea. We've got the karaoke microphone, so I'll make it happen. All right. All right, but I think that's it for our show. Laura, do you have a five-star review to read? I sure do. All right.

Laura

Okay, this is from someone who goes by Jolie Angelina, which is pretty funny. The title is Treat Yourself, which I love, Five Stars. Big Fat Positive Podcast is an invaluable resource for any parent or parent to be. Laura and Sean is warmth, dedication, and the genuine sense of community they foster make this podcast an absolute treasure. Whether you need a dose of encouragement, a good laugh, or simply a reminder that you're not alone on this journey, Big Fat Positive is the perfect companion. The podcast's Monday release injects excitement into the start of the week after the weekend high. The hosts effortlessly balance personal anecdotes with practical parenting advice, sharing their own struggles and successes in a relatable and often humorous manner. They've created a space where you can learn, laugh, and feel understood.

A definite must listen, especially for those of us who became mothers during the pandemic and missed out on bonding in person with other mamas. It's like having a warm cup of tea with friends, eagerly catching up on their lives with their little ones. What truly sets Big Fat Positive apart is the genuine engagement from Laura and Shanna. I've reached out to them on a few personal significant occasions, leading up to my daughter's birth slash milestones achieved. Their effort to connect with me and the entire BFP community has left me utterly amazed and grateful. Aw, dang! That's a good review.

Shanna

That's so good. Thank you. Thank you for taking the time to write that review for us. Oh, Laura, that makes me feel really good.

Laura

It does. And you know, we do try to respond to people. Like, people will send us DMs and we see them. We don't have a social media team, guys. It's us. Yeah. It's us, it's us and Steve. All right. And Steve will be like, Hey, message for you. You know, like in so, yeah, you know, we are real people who really want to hear from you. So yeah, we love hearing that. Thank you so much for that wonderful review.

Shanna

Yeah. Thank you. And listeners, if you haven't had a chance yet to leave us a five star review, could you please do us a favor and head on over to Apple podcast and leave us five stars. Say a few things you love about this show and we might read it on an upcoming episode. If you have any thoughts or comments on this week's episode, please feel free to reach out. Laura, where can everyone reach us?

Laura

And finally, if you want to join that wonderful community that our reviewer was referring to, just search Facebook or Big Fat Positive Community. It's a private group, and you have to answer the two membership questions to join. But once you request to join, answer those membership questions. We'll send you straight through to all the wonderful and beautiful and supportive conversations we're having in there.

Shanna

Our show's produced by Laura Birek, Shanna Micko, and Steve Yager. Thanks for listening, everyone. Bye. Bye.

Reducing Your Toddler’s Nighttime Wakings – Ep. 263

July 17, 2023

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Show Notes:

This episode's sponsors:

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Episode Transcript

Reducing Your Toddler’s Nighttime Wakings – Ep. 263

July 17, 2023

Listen Now:

Show Notes:

This episode's sponsors:

Whisker Litter-Robot

Once Upon a Dance

Tags

Episode Transcript