Motherhood Lessons From the College Dorm (Plus an IEP Assessment) – Ep. 262

Episode Transcript

Search this transcript

Laura

Welcome to Big Fat Positive with Shanna and Laura. This week, we have our weekly check-ins. We have our special segment, Throwback, where I tell a story about the time I became a teen mom and we close with our BFPs and BFNs for the week. Let's get started. Hi, everyone. This is episode 262. Hello, Shanna. Hello, Laura. What have you been up to this week, my friend? It's time to do our check-ins.

Shanna

All right. I've been updating you all on CECE's IEP process. Yes. So first I did all of the questionnaires, then we did the health assessment in person, and this week we did the in-person assessment. with occupational therapist, speech therapist, and school psychologist, all together at once.

Laura

Oh my gosh, that's a lot.

Shanna

Yeah. It was an hour and a half appointment. We've been waiting for like six weeks for it, right? And the day before, of course, she woke up with a 102 fever and I was like, no, we've been waiting forever for this. I was like, oh my goodness. But anyway, by some miracle the next morning, she woke up fine. And so I was like, we're going. I had been wondering what to tell CeCe about this, what exactly we were doing. It's not exactly a doctor's appointment because we're going to an elementary school for it. I knew that they would be interacting with her and playing with her as they assess her and everything. And I don't know, I just didn't want to make her feel weird about it or anything. So I did say we're going to an elementary school to meet with some doctors and to play or something like that, like pretty general. But I wanted to emphasize the play part we're going to play.

So the time comes, we go to this elementary school in a nearby neighborhood and we meet our case manager in the front office and she walks us across the campus to the room where the assessment is and Cici's looking around at everything. She's like, where are we going to play? When are we going to get to play? And I'm like, oh my god, she thinks like we're going to a playground or something. She's like looking for structures or what she's going to play on. I'm like, oh my goodness. But as we're walking over there, she's very chatty. She's very outgoing with this lady, excited to be there and everything. And the woman's like, oh, the doctors are really going to love you. They're going to have a good time with you. Let's go on in.

And we go on in, and if you recall, Laura, the reason that I wanted to set this whole thing up in the beginning is because I'm having some trouble with her emotional regulation. She gets extremely dysregulated, has meltdowns that can last up to an hour sometimes, depending. Nothing I do helps. It's kind of bleeding over into her school life, right? She's having some emotional and behavioral problems. She did not display one single emotional or behavioral problem in that entire hour and a half. I mean, she was on her most pristine behavior I've ever seen. She was at her best. And I mean, it was awesome because I love seeing her at her best. I mean, she was so smart and just like answering all their questions. She's like, that was easy. Easy peasy. Easy peasy. Them, it's peasy. And they're laughing and, you know, she's just having conversation with them. And I love that side of her, right?

She's not afraid of people. She's not afraid of new situations. She dives right in. So I just love all those qualities about her. But at the same time, I was like, show them how you can freak out and hit your head and hit me in the face. I mean like, come on, show them something. Because I knew that like my answers on the questionnaires weren't really gonna be enough for them to go off, right? They wanna see something.

Laura

It's so funny that like these behaviors that we find so difficult and troubling are the ones that you're like, why are they not here right now?

Shanna

I know, I know by the end of it I was like, Do those problems even exist? Am I being gaslit? Like, what is going on? So she passed with flying colors or seemed to. I don't know. We haven't had our follow-up meeting yet. I don't know the exact results. But she did say some things that I feel like maybe put my parenting in question. I was just like, oh, good kid, quiet. We walk in. They're like, hi, Cece, how are you? And they're trying to make conversation with her. The first question they ask is like, CECE, what do you like to do? And she's like, watch TV. And I'm like, oh, not play softball, play outside, ride your bike. No, just immediately watch TV. But we had come off of that big week of TV watching when she was sick. And she watched a lot of Bluey. So she definitely talked to them a lot about Bluey to the point they were like, Oh, okay. Mm-hmm, bluey. Okay.

Now, can you hold a pencil with your right hand and draw a circle? You know, like trying to guide her away from talking about bluey.

Laura

She's like, no, I will draw bluey instead.

Shanna

Yeah, exactly. They're like, do you have any pets? And she's like, yeah, I have one dog, Sasha. I used to have two dogs. Chilly died and Sasha bites me sometimes. And I was like, what?

No.

Shanna

No, I mean, way back in the day, like when Elle like flopped on Sasha when she was an 18-month-old, Sasha reacted and nipped her, you know? Also, Sasha is the tiniest little dog. Yes. I know I wanted to throw that in there.

Laura

We're not talking about a giant German shepherd or something. Like, this is like a very petite, I mean, I think Sasha is smaller than Magnus, my cat.

Shanna

her mouth is basically like a chip clip, right? You know, you get bit by that. It's nothing. So she's just going on about how Sasha bites her sometimes. And I was like, oh my God, okay. Then... They're asking her about music. You like listening to music? She's like, oh, yeah. I'm like, what music do you like? Does she say wheels on the bus? Does she say Cocoa Mountain? Does she say anything normal that she listens to? No, no. She says, I like that song, Death Bed. I'm just like, oh my god.

What is that even from? It's, I don't know if it originated like as a TikTok song. It's by this artist called Pow Fu. And it's all about like, I think it's about a guy in a relationship who thinks he's going to die soon. But it's got a catchy like chorus and some kids got onto it. And they've requested it a lot. And we kind of just play it. And they're in the car. They're like, what is this song about? What does it mean? And I'm always like, oh, it just, it's about like living your life to the fullest, you know, before you die, blah, blah, blah. Just trying to brush it off and hoping that their interest in the song dies soon. Like that's how I've just handled that situation. I did not expect her to quote that as the song she loves most. In her IEP assessment, I love death bed. So I'm just like, okay, I don't know if I'm passing the assessment, but CECE's doing fine.

Laura

So funny. I'm thinking about what Augie would say in this situation and it probably wouldn't be much better. Like he might sound a little more sophisticated at first because right now his current obsession is like listening to the Jurassic Park theme song. Oh, OK. But part of it is that he then asks me or Corey to tell him exactly what's going on in the movie at the time that the music is playing. And he asked for more and more detail. And so like the other morning he woke up and he said, mama, I had a drastic world dream. And I was like, oh, cool. And he starts telling me about it. And then he was like getting very graphic. He was like, and then the velociraptors got eaten by the T-Rex at the last minute because I've, like, you know, told him the plot of Jurassic Park. So anyone would think that he actually had seen Jurassic Park, which is wildly inappropriate for a four-year-old.

Shanna

Oh, you would have to jump in and be like, no, no, no, he hasn't seen that. I swear, I swear.

Laura

Do you know what else he's really into right now as far as soundtracks goes? Oh my gosh, what? It's so random, Shanna. The theme song to the television series, The Orville. What? The Orville? Isn't that like about superheroes like at WB show? What is that? I have never seen an episode of The Orville. I think it's like kind of disparity satire of like other space shows like Star Trek and stuff. Seth MacFarlane is the lead. I've never seen a minute of it, but Spotify like suggested it, right? And he saw the little image. He was like, what's that? And I was like, oh, it's the Orville theme song. I guess you want to hear it. He's like, yeah. And so now we'll get in the car. He'll be like, play the Orville, play the Orville. And I'm like, this is so weird. This is so weird.

Shanna

Oh, the things these kids get hooked into is just too funny. Oh my gosh. So anyway, towards the end of the assessment, the school side colleges calls me over to the side and she's like, okay, I want to talk to you about your concerns and what I saw on the questionnaires and everything. I was like, finally, my chance to shine.

I was explaining everything to her and she's like, yeah, it's just so hard because we're not seeing any of it any of the behavior here and I could maybe go watch her at school and do an observation. I was like, yeah, it's her last week of school. So I don't know if that's going to work out. She's like, I'll try to make it down tomorrow. I was like, all right. So that was kind of the plan. So we say goodbye, she gets a sticker, we leave the assessment and she sees the hopscotch on the asphalt of the playground and is like, can I play hopscotch? And I'm like, oh, we're not playing here. We got to actually go and go have lunch. What does she do? No, I wanna play hopscotch! And I was like, oh, hello, hello, assessors, can anyone come out and see this behavior? Hello, hello. But you know, so I was like, oh gosh, fine. So we played hopscotch a little bit and left.

And the next day, the school psychologist was supposed to go observe her and Cici woke up again with another 102 fever and had to keep her home. So she never got a sass. She missed her entire last week of preschool because she was sick again. And that's just a side note to the week of my ongoing struggles with her sickness. But yeah, so that's the report on the assessment. And they're going to call me soon and let me know when to schedule the IEP meeting, which is where I actually meet with those three people and they talk about their assessments and their results and everything like that. So that's the next thing we're waiting for.

Laura

Well, you know, I think like it's kind of a win-win in a way, right? Like either she doesn't need an IEP and she's, you know, you said she was borderline of needing the evaluation anyway, like based on the scoring, right? Um, or she needs it, but it's not, you know, so severe that she needs a lot of accommodations and it's just something that's on the radar. So I feel like, you know, it could be a lot worse.

Shanna

Yeah, definitely. I think I left feeling like maybe this wasn't actually the right path for me at this point because what I really want to do is learn how to help her when she's having trouble and help her learn to help herself. Like I want her to be in. kind of therapy or something doesn't necessarily have to be at school or through school. I was just hoping this process would give me some insight into maybe what's going on with her. And maybe it will at the final assessment. Maybe the psychologist will say, based on your answers, here's what I think. I was asking the psychologist, I was like, well, since she's doing really well here, what could my next steps be in trying to help her? If you talk to your pediatrician about it, and I said, oh, just a tiny bit. She's like, well, talk to her more, and she might have more thoughts on it.

So I immediately made an appointment with my pediatrician to meet with her one-on-one on Zoom and just talk about all of this stuff. So that's coming up also. So no matter what, I just want to help her learn some emotional regulation so that she's not having so many troubles.

Laura

Yeah. Well, of course, my suggestion would be to book a one-on-one consultation with Gia. Yeah, that's a good idea. She's always good at this sort of thing. Yeah, I mean I think I just want to say that I think you are being an amazing proactive wonderful mom by trying to do all this and help her out like I feel like it's it's not easy to do and you are doing everything you can so you should be proud of yourself.

Shanna

Well, thank you. Thanks, friend. So that's the summation of our week. What's going on with you all?

Laura

Well, we were actually out of town this week. Ooh, where did you go? We flew up to Portland for sort of a double reason. We flew up to visit my mom and stepdad like usual. But it was also my new year college reunion.

Shanna

You obscured that number there. What did you say?

Laura

No, it was my 20th college reunion.

Shanna

Okay, okay.

Laura

Wow. When I realized that it had been 20 years since I graduated college, I was not really okay with that. I was like, no, that's wrong. That's wrong.

Shanna

Wow.

Laura

But it turns out it's not wrong. It has been 20 years since I graduated from college. By the way, I was 20, about to turn 21 when I graduated. So it's been as long. It's been twice a life since I graduated. Oh my gosh. So the only other reunion I had attended was my 10th college reunion. And that was before kids and before I was married and all this stuff. So it was just a different experience then. And I remember being a little sort of, I don't know, feeling a little out of place at that 10th reunion because a lot of my peers who had come back were married and had kids and stuff. And I was not, I was with Corey, but we were not married at the time or even engaged. And I remember sort of this real feeling of in-betweenness, you know, like I was no longer who I was in college, you know, but I was not really quite fully in this like full grown adult land.

And so I kind of, I don't know, I just, I remember leaving that 10th reunion feeling a little ambivalent about it. But this time around, when I noticed it was my 20th, I was like, that's a big number. That feels like an important one to do. And my alumni mom's group that I talk about a lot on the show had started hatching plans to have a meetup at the reunion. Oh, fun. And that was enough to get me to like get my ass in gear and tell Corey, like, let's go to Portland at the same time as my reunion. It'll be like a dual purpose trip. See my mom, see Neil, and I'll get to go to some reunion stuff. So that's what we did.

Shanna

OK, well, that sounds fun. Were the boys excited to be taking a trip up to Portland?

Laura

The boys were super excited to go on the trip. They loved getting on the plane, and they were extremely excited to be sharing a room with mommy and daddy at grandma and grand-joodles' house.

Shanna

Yeah.

Laura

You know who is not super excited about that? You, my friend, you. Oh, my God. It was an unmitigated disaster, Shanna.

Shanna

Oh, no.

Laura

So the way this room is set up, there's a king-size bed, and then there was a twin bed against the wall, and that's what we put Augie in. And then my mom actually had a spare twin-size mattress that she bought it, didn't like it, was going to return it, whatever. But it was around. And so it's brand new. So we put that on the floor. And we're going to have Sebastian sleep on that because as I mentioned in the last episode, he's no longer sleeping in a crib. Like he's definitely not going to sleep in a pack and play, right? Right. So we're like, okay. And I fully expected Sebastian to end up in bed with us because of that's what he's been doing anyway with the nursing and the waking up and all that stuff. But what I didn't anticipate is that this like three bed situation basically created like a trampoline park. Oh My fucking god these children were so Amped up every night before bed.

I mean they're already like they do that at home Right they get all excited and they're chasing each other around and stuff Add in three beds at different levels right for them to talk from and Cory and I are like oh my fuck God, what are we going to do? Like, we did not get them to bed till like 10 o'clock most nights, Shanna. Oh, that's so rough. And I mean, and it was a fight. It was a fight. It was like we had we eventually figured out we had to like separate them and do one at a time. And one problem as well is that Portland is at a higher. Latitude right and so the sun like doesn't go down like it doesn't get dark to like after 10 kind of like you know it's it's like twilight. So oh my god these kids it was terrible so sleep was terrible and then like Sebastian as predicted was wanting to be in bed with me nursing all night every night so I got no sleep on the trip.

But it was otherwise a very lovely trip. The mom's meetup was really cute. The reed reunions is like multiple days. Like they go all out. It's like this big fun carnival basically for a couple of days. And on the Saturday, they literally have a carnival. Like they brought a bounce house in for the kids and face painters and cotton candy and balloon animal artists and stuff. And so like the kids were having so much fun. And then I made Corey take the kids back to grandma's house so I could like hang out on campus with my college friends and drink free alcohol.

Shanna

Yeah, there you go.

Laura

Which is what I did for the rest of like the Saturday evening. And it was really nice to catch up with people and see people I haven't seen in, you know, decades. And yeah, it was a good time. So. Oh, I love that. No sleep. Still had fun. Kind of like college, to be honest.

Shanna

I was just going to say. Sounds like college.

Laura

But yeah, that was our week. And then we got back home and now we're trying to get back into a routine. And Corey has completely changed his tune on wanting to like get the boys to sleep in the same room. I don't know if I've talked about this at all, but Corey's like every once in a while, he's like, we should try to figure out the way to get them to share a room so we can like reclaim one of the bedrooms. I'm like, sure, great. Yeah, whatever. And now he's just like, yeah, no, that's not happening. That's definitely not happening.

Shanna

I came to that realization the one time I tried to have the girls do a slumber party in Elle's room one night, and I was like, uh, nope, nope. We're going to go ahead and stay separate forever. They just amp each other up. Yeah.

Laura

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe when they're older, but woof.

Shanna

Yeah.

Laura

But yeah, that's it for me this week. Shall we move on to our special segment? Yes, we should.

Shanna

We're back, and this week's special segment is Throwback, where we tell stories from our past that may inform our parenting now. And Laura, you're up first. So this segment is dedicated to you and your story. And I can't wait to hear it. Take it away.

Laura

All right. Well, Shanna, we talk a lot about being a geriatric parent on this show, and we always use geriatric in a tongue-in-cheek, in a reclaiming kind of sense, right? Yes. But did you know that I was once a teen mom? A teen mom? No. I was, but it wasn't what you're thinking. It wasn't an MTV show and I did not have actual babies when I was a teenager. What I did have were dorm kids.

Okay. Okay, since I was just at my college reunion, it got me thinking about my time at Reed College. I know that you are planning on telling a college story as well for your throwback. So I thought it would only be appropriate for me to talk about my first brush with motherhood, which was when I was a dorm mom for three of my four years at Reed College.

Shanna

Oh my gosh, of course you are a dorm mom. Oh, that's the perfect role for you. I can't wait to hear about it because I don't know much about your time in college. Like I knew you after that, you know, and I've known you for so long, but that period of time is like a black hole in the history of our friendship and I need to know. So this is exciting.

Laura

Well, this will give you a little glimpse. So I don't think any of this is going to be particularly surprising to anyone who knows me very well. But so at Reed, the way that the dorms were managed were that you had something they called an HA, which was a house advisor, but everyone called them your dorm mom or your dorm dad. And these were the people who were current students who in exchange for free housing were basically like the The resource for the floor, right?

Shanna

That's such a sweet way of putting it, because at my college it was basically like the person that stole your alcohol because you weren't supposed to be drinking in your dorm room.

Laura

Yes, it was like the floor-narc, right? Yeah. Yeah. It was completely different at Reed. And I don't know if other small liberal arts colleges were like this, but we were not rule enforcers. We weren't even rule like tattletales basically what they wanted us there for was to be like a bridge between the students who live there and the actual staff in case they needed anything. So in case they needed like. mental health resources in case they needed academic support, in case they needed to know who to call when the toilet was overflowing, like that sort of thing, right? Right, okay. But we didn't have any reporting responsibilities other than threat to harm yourself, threat to harm your others, that sort of basic reporting that most people would expect, right? I was not turning anyone in for drinking or smoking.

Shanna

Okay, good. On my floor. You never knocked on someone's door in the dorm room, and listened as they hurriedly tried to shove a bottle of Boone's Farm underneath the dorm bed, then came in, found it, and dumped it in the sink inside the dorm room. You never did that?

Laura

Are you talking from experience, Shanna?

Shanna

No, I totally just made that scenario up.

Laura

No, actually it's quite the opposite. So one of my favorite tricks and like little like things to do during orientation week was to saunter into the common room while the freshmen were like cracking open some beers and scare them because they weren't used to the way it worked at Reed and then ask the mama beer from them. That was like my favorite trick was basically to get free alcohol from my kids.

Shanna

What every good mom does.

Laura

Exactly.

Shanna

Kid, go grab me a beer.

Laura

Yeah, but that said, like, actually orientation week was my favorite week during the whole year, not just because I liked scaring my incoming freshmen by them thinking they're going to get kicked out for drinking a beer in the common room. Just because like it was so, I don't know, fulfilling and sweet for me to like welcome these new kids into the college and like show them around and also feel like super knowledgeable and adult as I did it, which is funny because I was not older than these kids.

Shanna

Right. I was just thinking that.

Laura

Yeah, I skipped my senior year of high school. And so when I entered Reed, I was 17. So my freshman year, I was 17. And my sophomore year, I was 18. So I was the same age as these incoming freshmen or younger because they were like kids who had taken a year off of school or like had transferred in from other schools. And I fully ignored that fact and also like tried to obscure it. I tried to make sure that no one knew. that i was younger in fact i was super self-conscious about it like i didn't want anyone to know that i was younger than everyone else in retrospect it seems so silly but these kids were literally calling me mom right like i mean this is a this is a thing they did i read like they would walk up and be like hey mom And I'd be like, hey kids, it's so weird to think about now.

But even at like my 10th college reunion, I ran into some people who used to be my dorm kids and they said mom and gave me a big hug. Like this is how ingrained it is, right? And I have to say that it was not so unlike real parenting. There was mostly a lot of event planning. So we got a budget to do off-campus events. So we went bowling or went to a coffee shop, that sort of thing. So it was like managing events and managing emotions. A lot of my kids would like knock on my door at all hours of the day and night and want to talk about their big feelings.

Shanna

Oh my gosh.

Laura

And usually it'd be like big feelings about someone else on the floor. or big feelings towards other people and i would sit there and just have to sort of you know like nod and listen and let them express their feelings and it was very like proto rye in a lot of ways because it's like it was all about like the honor principle and respect and you know i wasn't there to enforce any rules so it was really just like to allow them to be fully formed human beings and let them like have their feelings and have their conflicts and see if they can resolve their conflicts without my intervention and all this shit where I'm like yeah in retrospect that was pretty good training yeah exactly and then the final way that I can think of where it like really prepared me for real parenting was that it was sometimes a lot of dealing with like puke and poop

No, you didn't have to clean bathrooms or anything did you I did not thankfully I only had to like report the poop and puke to like janitorial staff It was considered a health hazard right like I can't touch other people's Excrement right, but I will say that you know Reed had a very loose drug and alcohol policy and so as such there was a good amount of puke that would sometimes not make it into the bathroom stall. So I would get a lot of, a lot of the knocks on my door to be like, there's puke in the bathroom floor again. And I'd be like, all right, I'll call, you know, I'll call the right people.

Shanna

So you were getting woken up in the middle of the night a lot then as well too. I was. Well, how many kids did you have? Like how big was your dorm or your floor? What were the logistics of this role?

Laura

I think it was like 12 to 15, if I remember, totally on my floor. And it's interesting, because like my sophomore year, I was in a very freshman heavy dorm. So I had like a lot of newer kids. And I feel like, you know, just like parenting, the younger they are, the sort of more work it is, right? So like I had all these little newbies, probably about half my floor was new kids. That year and my junior year was pretty much a fifty fifty split with new freshman and upperclassmen but then my senior year i got put into this dorm which was like kind of the most coveted dorm on campus is called and a man. And it's this like beautiful old cottage, basically, right in the middle of campus. And it's where everyone wants to live, right? Everyone wanted to live in Anna Mann.

And as such, you ended up with a lot of upperclassmen in that house because it was like, I don't know, the way they ranked things, I don't remember. It's been 20 years, but it was like you get a higher number on the housing lottery if you're older, if you're like a senior or whatever. And so like most of my kids in Anna Mann were actually upperclassmen. I only had like three freshmen that year. And I feel like this is where I started experiencing my first mom fails, if you will.

Shanna

Interesting. Okay.

Laura

So I, it was my third year being a mom. You know, I was starting to get tired. I was also starting to pick up more work, right? I was out of my maternity leave phase, and I was writing my thesis, you know, for my thesis. Everyone writes a thesis at read, but my thesis was I wrote a play, produced it, directed it, put it on, and then also had to write like a hundred page thesis to go along with it, right? So it was a lot of work. It was a lot of work. And I have to say that my parenting kind of took a back seat. And we had a bit of a problem in Anna Mann that year in 2002, 2003, which was there was an arsonist afoot. What? Yeah. Living amongst you? We don't know, Shanna. We don't know. So all we know

Is that there were incidents where someone would come into our kitchen turn on a stove and then leave or another time they came into our kitchen put a popcorn bag in the microwave set it to 99 minutes and what. This happened, I think, three times. And by the third time, the powers that be basically said, well, we have to shut your kitchen down. They like literally removed the stove and the microwave and made it so we couldn't use the kitchen anymore. And there were so many debates about what to do. And one suggestion was to put up surveillance cameras in the kitchen to see, you know, who's coming and going. I got to say, this did not go over well. in the year 2003 at Reed College. I feel like nowadays people are much more open to surveillance, like everyone has nest cams and ring doorbells and stuff, but back then it was like controversial. No one wanted that, right?

This is where I live. There's gonna be on camera when I come and go, like it did not happen. So my kids were not happy. They missed the kitchen. They felt threatened, understandably. We kept getting woken up at 2 a.m. by fire alarms. having to go stand out in the cold, wet Portland air in the middle of the night. And I was just kinda checked out, I gotta say. And I got a reality check about it when my end of the year evaluations came in.

Shanna

Oh, so the students had to fill out evaluation forms about you?

Laura

They did and I was always very excited about that up until this year because my previous evaluations were just like, Laura is the best mom ever. I'm going to miss her so much. I wish you could come home with me. Like that was literally things they would say. And I would of course be very tickled by those. Yeah. My senior evaluations were not quite as glowing. I remember distinctly one of them. Very harsh. All it said was, I never see Laura around. She's too busy for us. You should never let seniors be dorm moms. Ooh, burn. I'm like, oh my god, I'm an absentee mother. Yes.

So yeah, that was the end of my dorm motherhood career. I definitely feel like, you know, I felt very defensive about that review right when it happened and said, well, I'm around. I'm doing so much for you, kids. You don't even know. Like there's been fires and I'm working so hard. But in retrospect, I could see the kid's point. I definitely was not all there. You know, it definitely taught me some lessons about future motherhood, specifically that I should wait at least 14 years before trying it for real.

Shanna

So do you feel like you're more present than you might have been otherwise?

Laura

I mean, I think that I have some like muscle memory of conflict resolution and rolling with the punches and stuff from that. I do think that real motherhood is significantly harder than being a dorm mom. But I do think it was good training still. And I do miss those days. And I do have some of the moms in the alumni moms group that I'm in who were my dorm kids and they will still occasionally call me mom in the comment section. So I appreciate that.

Shanna

I love that. Your first brush with motherhood. That's so sweet. I love how you just grew tired after three years. That's so me after three years of parenting.

Laura

I mean, it's tracking, right? Fine. Hot dogs, chemicals, TV, whatever. Yeah, yeah. By year three, you're like screen time, sure. I gotta do something else, guys. I've been drained, yeah. So yeah, that is my trip down memory lane that was inspired by my trip to Portland this week. And I think next week you're gonna tell us a fun story about your college experience, right?

Shanna

Yes, I'm gonna talk about the time in college when my mom saved the day.

Laura

Ooh, I can't wait to hear that next week. But for now, should we move on to our BFPs and BFNs? All right.

Okay, so we close every episode with a Big Fat Positive or a big fat negative from the week. Shanna, what you got?

Shanna

I have a BFP. Oh, yay. So I was in the car the other day with CeCe on the way to preschool and we were listening to Casey Musgraves. who is one of her favorite musical artists. I really don't even know how she discovered KC Musgraves because it's not exactly the type of music I listen to. I think Spotify kind of suggests things where I like maybe we're listening to Taylor Swift one day and then played KC Musgraves. And then played Deathbed, you know, just normal stuff. And then played Deathbed, you know how it is.

So she really loves this song Butterflies by KC Musgraves. Very pretty.

Laura

It's so good. Right.

Shanna

It's really beautiful. Like beautiful melodic guitar sounds. I'm not a very musical person. Like I like music and I like singing. But she just like really hooked into that. And anytime she hears something that's in that style, she really loves it. So we were listening to Casey Musgraves the other day in the car. And she said, when I grow up, I want to be like a music person like that. And I was like, oh, you want to be like a musician like Casey Musgraves? She's like, yeah. And I was like, oh, you want to be a singer? She's like, yeah. And this is the first time she's ever mentioned what she wants to be when she grows up. I had no idea. I guess maybe I've asked her before, like, you know, when you do your first day of preschool and you fill out that little board, one of the questions is like, what do you want to be when you grow up?

And she said something out in left field like, I want to be a person that turns off the TV. I don't know. It was like really out there. So this is like the first time I've heard from her what she wants to do when she grows up and it came out of nowhere, totally of her own accord. And of course, I hooked into this big time. I'm like, ooh, you want to do something artsy? Oh my gosh. Like, yeah, you do love singing. You know, she's done her little preschool singing performances. And I know she loves that stuff. And anytime Elle has ever mentioned what she wants to be when she grows up, it's like firefighter, police officer, like things. I'm like, OK, that's what all the kids say. But so I got really excited when Cece said that, thought that was really cool. Of course, immediately went home and was like, there's got to be kids' choirs out there that she's doing or singing lessons.

Let's get her on this path. I think I even said to her after she told me this, I was like, honey, that's wonderful. We will do whatever we can to support you in your dream. I'm just here for it. So I did find a couple of kids' choirs that are in the area and I reached out and got information and they both have choirs for kids her age. Really? Yes, they have a choir. One of them has a choir for like two to four year olds where it's more just like musical games. Adorable. I know, so adorable. And then they have a more serious choir for four to seven year olds. So I talked to the music director of this choir, and she was telling me the difference between the two programs. And she's like, Sisi's right in the middle. So you can really choose which one she wants to go into. Why don't you sit in on both of them and see what you think is a better fit.

And I'm like, I think the more mature one would be better for her because she's done her recitals in preschool and, you know, she's learned music before she's sung in choirs. But we'll see. All I'm saying at this point is that I signed her up for choir and it starts in September. It's like a full season of choir, like nine months. And that first day we're going to go to both and see what's a better fit for her. But she's on the path to her singing dreams coming true, Laura. That's awesome.

Laura

That's so great. You know, I first found Casey Musgraves because Corey really likes her. Oh, really? Corey kind of introduces me to most of the like pop music that I miss out on. Like I'm a little tuned in too much to the like alt rock stuff. Like if I ever get like, I mean, I'm kind of stuck in the 90s, to be honest, but. He's very eclectic in what he likes. And I really appreciate that. Like when we first started dating, he was very openly into Taylor Swift. And nice. His guy friends gave him so much shit about it. And he was like, what? She's a good singer, songwriter. Like she just makes good music. You guys just need to get on board, basically. And I feel like history has really proven him right. Yeah. You know, one musician, I would say that if she likes Casey Musgraves, have you guys ever listened to Nickel Creek? Nickel Creek. No, yeah, I really like Nickel Creek.

It's a group rather than just like a solo artist, but they kind of have a similar feel as blue grassy singer songwriter things. And there's a female lead singer or there's a there's two lead singers guy Chris Thiele and And then there are like actually siblings, Sarah and Sean Watkins, who make up the rest of the band. And they've like broken up, gotten back together, all this stuff. But I really like them. And Sarah plays the fiddle or the violin. And Kristie Lee plays the mandolin. And it's just got a cool feel. So maybe she'll like those.

Shanna

Oh, I'm definitely going to check that out and play that for her because she needs some more inspo.

Laura

All right. Well, I can't wait to hear about this chorus. I would love to get Augie into a choir. I don't know if he has the patience though.

Shanna

Yeah. I think it can be tricky at that age, which is why this particular choir has their two separate classes, you know, that age can go into. But yeah, maybe when he gets a little bit older.

Laura

Yeah, or maybe I can find like some more structured music classes for him because yeah, I think he has that interest in music too, but we haven't really done much other than just play a lot of music with him. So. All right. Well, I look forward to an update about this in the near future.

Shanna

Yes, I will keep you updated. So what about you? You have a BFP or BFN? I have a BFP. Oh good, what is it?

Laura

It's that traveling by plane with my boys was actually like a completely delightful experience. What? I feel like, okay, first of all, it was a two hour flight. It was a little less. And we went through Burbank, which is the tiny airport, which makes it so much easier. But I feel like there's all this anticipation about plane travel with little kids. And I swear, approximately half of my Facebook moms groups are moms fretting about what they're going to do with their kids on a plane for their summer vacations right now. What do I do to entertain the kids? What do I pack? What do I do this at? And I'm the same. I would like overthink it so much. And this flight was actually the first flight where we needed to buy seats for both boys, because now that Sebastian's two, he has to have his own seat. And I was so nervous about it. I was like, oh, how are we going to split up?

Is every going to do. Three seats and one seat and have Corey like on the one seat. Are we going to do two and two and what happens if both boys want me and they're losing their minds and blah, blah, blah. Yeah. How did you strategize that? Well, one thing we did, which I think made all the difference was we decided to bring two car seats with us on the plane. Okay. If you recall last year, I had this Costco scenario, like, very lightweight, eight pound $60 car seat that we used for Augie last year when we went to Portland. But he's outgrown it. So this year it was going to be Sebastian's. And so we were definitely bringing that. And I wanted to bring a second car seat, but I didn't know how to do it because we needed one for Augie when we got to Portland. And I wasn't sure what to do. So I reached out to my friend group, my mom friend group. And I was like, what do you guys do?

Do you guys have a take your additional convertible seat? And my friend Gabby, who just had her third baby, by the way, and is like so generous with her time and like, she shouldn't be responding to anyone's text messages as far as I'm concerned, let alone doing what she did, which was lending us her travel car seat.

Shanna

Oh, nice.

Laura

She lent us something called a wavy Pico. Do you know about this? No. I did not know about this either. And this is the product part of my BFP. The wavy Pico is so cool. It's this little aluminum and mesh foldable car seat. It's only forward facing, right? It's not like an invertible car seat. Um, it folds down into like this little package like I don't even know about the size of like half the size of a roller suitcase and way flatter and it's approved for airlines and cars and it's like super freaking expensive. Otherwise, I would be going out and buying one for myself right now. It's like $400. And my friend was so kind to let us borrow it. But that's the other thing we brought. And it was super easy to carry. It's also like eight pounds, I think. And we use that for Augie in the plane.

Shanna

So you kept them strapped in the whole time?

Laura

Yes. So this is the secret. First of all, they think it's super fun because they're like, I get to have my own cool seat. Second of all, it solves the where you sit situation because it turns out at least on Alaska Airlines, you have to have a car seat at a window seat like you have no choice in that. But anyway, we split up two and two, and the kids were super excited to be in the airplane, or as Sebastian said, like, a pain, a pain. And look out their windows. And here, I'll send you a picture of, I think I have a picture of Augie in his seat. Okay, I sent you some pictures of Augie and Sebastian in their car seats in the plane.

Shanna

Sebastian looks very cozy. He's got his pad. He's got his headphones. Oh, he's set. Yeah, no problem. Oh, same with Augie. He's got his tablet on the pullout table. He looks like a child businessman on an airplane with his computer open or something. He's so cute. He's got his headphones and he's sitting next to Corey. Yeah, that's a great setup.

Laura

Yeah, it was great. And I have to say we chose like the back of the plane because we could get on early and also like we have to wait till everyone else gets off anyway. So like might as well be on the back of the plane. But yeah, I have to say we like didn't dare say anything about it until we had gone both the flights and got back home because we didn't want to jinx it. But it was like actually a completely pleasant experience to fly with them. So

Shanna

Awesome. Yeah. Well, you've taken some road trips recently. There used to be strapped into things for an extended period, right? Yeah.

Laura

And they did like, Sebastian did get up and like stretches legs a little bit and like out the window and stuff. But it was nice to not have him be wiggly in a little, you know, little man in a big seat. the whole time. Plus it raised him up so he could look out the window and stuff. And it solves the problem of what to do with car seats when you get there.

Shanna

Right, because you have them with you. And what is that car seat again that you borrowed?

Laura

The WayB, W-A-Y-B Pico. It is so cool, and I really, really want one. So WayB, if you're listening and you want to sponsor us, I would love one to have. It's so cool.

Shanna

All right, awesome. Well, I am glad you had such a good time on your trip.

Laura

Thank you, friend. I had a great time and I had a great time chatting with you today, but I do think that's it for this episode. I think so.

Shanna

But wait, I have a five star review to read. Yes, you do. This is from Erin on Apple podcasts. The title of the review is a must listen parenting podcast five stars. As a long time listener, I've binged every episode during my two pregnancies, learning invaluable new skills, parenting approaches, and that I'm not alone in feeling some things. The honesty of Laura and Shanna makes it feel like I'm meeting with friends every Monday and I can't wait to see where they take the podcast next. If you're TTC, pregnant, or already have little ones, I couldn't recommend BFP more. Thank you, Erin! Aw, thank you, Erin. And thank you for taking time out of your busy, moming life to leave that review. I know it's not always easy to go over and leave those reviews, and we appreciate all of our listeners doing that.

If you haven't had a chance yet to leave us a five-star review, could you please do us a favor and head on over to Apple Podcasts, leave us those five stars, say some things you love about the show, and we might read it on an upcoming episode. And if you have any comments or feedback on this episode, feel free to reach out. We love to hear from you. Laura, where can everyone find us?

Laura

We are on TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook at BFP Podcast. We have a website, BigBatPositivePodcast.com. If you want to send us an email, just send it to contact at BigBatPositivePodcast.com. And finally, you know you want to join the coolest group of people on the internet. Just go to Facebook, search Big Fat Positive Community, request to join because it's a private group, and answer those two membership questions so we know you're not a robot. Once you do those things, we will send you right through to the most amazing group of people on the internet and the most interesting conversations you'll find there.

Shanna

Our show is produced by Laura Birek, Shanna Micko, and Steve Yager. Thanks for listening, everyone. Have a great week. Bye. Bye.

Motherhood Lessons From the College Dorm (Plus an IEP Assessment) – Ep. 262

July 10, 2023

Listen Now:

Show Notes:

This episode's sponsors:

Tags

Episode Transcript

Motherhood Lessons From the College Dorm (Plus an IEP Assessment) – Ep. 262

July 10, 2023

Listen Now:

Show Notes:

This episode's sponsors:

Whisker Litter-Robot

Once Upon a Dance

Tags

Episode Transcript