Repairing a Parenting Mistake, Dr. Becky-Style – Ep. 237

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Shanna

Hi, welcome to Big Fat Positive with Shanna and Laura. On this week's episode, we have our weekly check-ins, we have our special segment, Mom Wins, where we talk about owning up and falling down, and we wrap it up with our weekly BFPs and BFNs. Let's get started. Hi everyone, welcome to episode 237. Hello, Laura. Hi, Shanna. How are you guys? Tell me what's going on in your world.

Laura

Okay, so Augie is still about a month away from turning four. And Sebastian is 22 months. And this week, a couple things happened. I'm going to chat about with you, like we do every week.

Mm-hmm. So the first thing I wanted to talk about actually kind of sparked a parental existential crisis for me. Oh, no. Those are always fun. Or are they helpful? I don't know. Who knows what they are. I mean, this one, maybe I'm overselling it. Maybe it wasn't a full existential crisis, but it did make me question like my parenting approach. And I'm not sure if I have a clear answer, so I wanted to talk to you about it. And it revolved around getting a COVID booster for my two boys. So this week, there were suddenly new and updated recommendations for what COVID shots kids under the age of five should get. And it's fairly complicated. Basically, what it boils down to is whether the kids should be getting a bivalent COVID booster the way that the adults have gotten bivalent COVID boosters.

And for people who don't know, or maybe this is so far in the future, you're like, gosh, I can't even remember a time we were worried about this stuff. The Binaeum booster is the one that has the two different strains of COVID protection in it. Like it's supposed to be a better protection against Omicron, right? Right. So the adults had been granted permission to use this, you know, given it, but I think I got mine in September, October, something like that. Last fall and all of a sudden the FDA CDC whoever makes a recommendation said like now the little list kids can get it and it's a little complicated because depending on which version of the vaccine you got like either Moderna or Pfizer and whether you've gotten all of them determined whether you got another one but it all boiled down to my boys who had gotten their two Moderna shots

were now eligible for this third Moderna bivalent booster, right? And of course I wanted to get it for them as soon as possible because, you know, Omicron is all over the place still and numbers were going up and I was like, let's get these kids boosted. But this caused a bit of a problem for me because Augie has become pretty fearful of shots. Oh, he has? Yeah. And I guess I didn't realize just how much because, you know, as they get a little older, they don't have to get shots as much. You know, they get their annual flu shot. They've been getting their COVID shots more recently. But, you know, when they're babies, they're getting shots at every doctor's appointment, the multiple shots, and you get so used to it. And it seems like it gets fewer and fewer as they get older. So he was kind of out of practice, if you will. Yeah, true.

And when he got his flu shot in the fall, he was really upset, but he did it. He was fine. But he was like, mommy, I'm not going to get another shot for a long time, right? Right. And I was like, yes, correct. Like you're not going to get a shot probably till next year, right? Like probably till your next flu shot. I was wrong about that, and of course he remembers everything because his mind is a steel trap. Oh no. So knowing this, knowing that I wanted to get him a COVID booster as soon as possible, but also that I had told him he wasn't going to get a shot anytime soon and also he was scared of them. I was faced with this dilemma of, do I tell him what's coming? Like, do I give him a heads up about the shot? Because I, of course, immediately went online to the pharmacy we had been to to schedule a shot and it was actually available the next day after school.

Shanna

Okay, so you don't have a lot of time to sort this out.

Laura

I don't have time to like make a social story about it, Shanna. I don't have time to do any of this stuff. All I've got is, a day and he's going to school that day was a school day so I thought it through and you know there are two options one was I just pick him up from school and we say we're going on an adventure and then we show up at the pharmacy and say like first we gotta get a shot real quick then we're gonna go get ice cream or something right uh-huh like just try to sort of spring it on him or I could tell him what to expect tell him that I was picking him up a little early from school with his brother and we were all gonna drive to studio city and get our COVID boosters, right?

Shanna

I guess the real question is when do you want to deal with his meltdown about it, right? Because he's going to freak out about it either way. So, okay, I have no idea what choice you made. I'm curious to listen on.

Laura

I'm curious what you think you would do. Like, what would you do if it was your girls?

Shanna

I don't know. I mean, my instinct is to be like, I would have told him about it ahead of time, but that's like also very idealistic. I don't fucking know what I would have felt like in that actual moment and faced with that conflict. So I don't know. I'm not sure.

Laura

Well, I was like you and I decided that honesty was the best policy. And I told him before school, I said, so today is going to be a little different after school. I'm going to pick you up. Daddy's going to be with me and baby brother's going to be with me and we're all going to drive to Studio City and we are going to get another COVID shot. And what's interesting is it wasn't a meltdown. It wasn't like freaking out. He was having an internal freak out, I think. He kind of like froze. And at first I thought, oh, it's not that big of a deal, right? Like he didn't really outwardly seem that concerned. So I was like, oh, you know, he's nervous, but whatever. It wasn't until I went to pick him up at school.

and I walked into his classroom and usually when I walk into his classroom to pick him up he's so excited he runs into my arms and he hangs off of me and gives me kisses that day I walked into his classroom was like I'm here he ran from me like from.

And he said, no, no, I don't want to go. And I was like, oh, so you do remember what we're doing after school today. And I come to find out from his teachers that he had spent all day fretting about this. Really? All day, his poor little nerves were shot. He was like talking to his teachers about it, how he didn't want to get a shot, and how he was like, freaking out and getting him into the car was almost impossible. He was like kicking and screaming and crying and the poor boy, I mean sobbed, sobbed the whole drive. I mean just freaking freaking out. When we got to the pharmacy, though, they have toys.

Shanna

You've been to this pharmacy, right? Oh, yes. Yes. I know which one you're talking about. Yes. They very cleverly have a big toy section right there.

Laura

It's the most amazing business idea ever. Like they are so smart. They are the only place like within, I don't know, 15 miles that conveniently schedules pediatric immunizations like they can do kids from six months up and they also have a very extensive toy aisle. So they are raking in it on this situation. Definitely. And we have provided them with a lot of income not from the shots that are covered by insurance but by buying random toys because our boys are freaked out. I will say actually boys plural is wrong. Sebastian DGAF like he really he knew where he was Yeah, he just like I mean he didn't even flinch when we gave him the shot he like what did it going in he's like, oh Like not the only thing he cared about was that Augie kept trying to like grab a toy out of his hand.

That was upsetting uh-huh But anyway, but Augie on the other hand he was a little distracted by the toys while we were waiting But then you know he gets called in to go do his shot and more screaming and Ah, just poor boy was just getting his heart broken. But I will say after the shot went in and he got his band-aid on and he wiped away his tears, he said, that didn't even feel it.

Shanna

Oh my gosh. Well, that's good. All that agony for that.

Laura

I know. But yeah, it was kind of interesting to think like, oh man, this poor boy had anxiety all day about this thing. Right. And it definitely made me question whether I made the right decision.

Shanna

Well, that's kind of the piece of the puzzle that you didn't have when you were making this decision. If you knew, like, oh, if I tell him before school, he's the type of child that's going to have high anxiety all day about it, you would have waited. Right? There's that it's maybe honesty is not maybe the best choice in that situation. Like you, I don't know. I feel like you didn't have all the information.

Laura

So would you do the same thing going forward now that you know, you know, I think I might though, because the last thing I want is for him to think that at any given point, I might just spring a shot on him. You know what I mean? Like I wonder if it would cause him more anxiety. To know that like if I pick him up early from school does that mean a shot is happening you know like. So I still would stick with honesty but I think I would definitely try to tell him a little earlier maybe and talk him through it. Now that I know he would have a lot to process, you know, because I think I didn't realize how much it would affect him during the day. I thought he would forget about it and then be nervous again in the afternoon. But I was wrong about that.

Shanna

Oh, poor guy. Yeah. Well, now you have more information. Next time something like this happens. So hopefully like the decision won't be so hard. And hopefully it won't be such a quick turnaround. Like that's part of it. Like you had to do it the next day to grab that appointment. So that made it tricky too. It sure did.

Laura

But anyway, I wanted to send you a photo of them after their shots. And you can see that he has recovered and he's very happy with his lollipop. Oh, cute.

Shanna

They look no worse for wear. They've got their lollipops. He's got a big smile on his face, so he's all good.

Laura

Yes, and he scammed a couple toys out of us, so that was good. So anyway, those are my check-ins for this week. Shanna, I do want to hear from you. How are you guys doing?

Shanna

Oh, we're good. We are good. Cici is all better from being sick from her birthday. Yay. Oh, that's good. Yeah. And speaking of her birthday, she's a big four-year-old girl now, and I have a couple of things to talk about on that front, but I'm actually going to save that for our last segment. Oh, okay. I actually want to tell a little story about something that happened this week. Okay. So this week, I was on a Zoom meeting with my manager, a one-on-one in the afternoon. And while we were talking, I got a call from Elle's school. I saw it coming in silently on my iPhone. And I was like, oh, hold on one second. I'm just going to take this really quick because I figured it's probably the nurse just being like, Oh, Elle has a fever, you know, because CeCe has just been sick. So I was like, I'll just take this really quick. So my manager's sitting there, I take the phone call.

And the woman on the other end of the line was like, hi, this is the nurse. And I've got Elle here in the nurse's office. I'm like, yeah, okay, all right, fever or whatever, blah, blah, blah. And she's like, well, and there's like some kind of hesitation in her voice. Like she's trying to figure out how to say what she's about to say. So I'm kind of like, huh? It's not terrifying or anything. Yeah. She's like, well, Elle got into a thing with another student and she kind of got punched in the face. Just kind of?

Laura

How do you kind of get punched in the face? I was like, what?

Shanna

That came out of left field for me. I was like punched in the face and I'm like, realize that I'm still on my one on one meeting. I'm like, I put like a one moment sign up to my manager and then like hit mute. I was like, continue this fucking phone call. I was like, okay. And I'm like, what happens? And the nurse is like, well, first of all, she's doing okay. I've got ice on it. It looks like it'll probably bruise. She's a little red, like near her eye. Like she might get a black eye. I'm like, oh my God, what the fuck happened? She's like, well, Elle told me that she was playing around with another student and kind of like pretending to punch him. I'm like, that kind of tracks with Elle. Like, you know, she gets very excited. She's very in people's body space. Like that's something we've been working on since she was like two years old, right?

Like she gets, she's very sensory seeking and stuff. So I can see her playing around with another kid and being like, ooh, I'm going to punch you. being silly about it and stuff. Yeah. And she's like, and the other student took it very seriously and punched her back right near the eye. Oh my God. Oh my God. I'm like, well, can I talk to her for a minute? And she's like, yeah. And she put her on the phone and her voice sounded so tiny and like so small and just she's like, And I'm like, hi honey, are you okay? She's like, yeah. I'm like, oh my gosh. Well, look, we're on our way. We're gonna come get you. You just keep your ice pack on. We'll be there right away. And she's like, okay. And so I get back on with the nurse. I'm like, all right, we'll head down there right now. And then I realized like school's already out. Like she does like kind of aftercare for a little while, you know?

And she's actually in the aftercare at this point, but my brain just isn't really fully functioning. So I go back to my one-on-one with my manager who's still sitting there.

Laura

Just sitting there wondering what the hell's going on.

Shanna

Oh my God, she's so nice. She's an awesome person. I was like, oh my God, I'm processing this. I'm like, gosh, my daughter just got punched in the face. My first grader got punched in the face. First grader got punched in the face. And she's like, do you want to regroup? Like, we can push this meeting to another time. I'm like, oh, thank you. Yes. Like that didn't even cross my mind, right? I was just like, yeah. But I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that would be great. Thank you. She's like, no problem. Go take care of your daughter. We'll regroup later. So I get off the call. And so I'm Talking to Steve. I'm like, oh my god, we gotta go get hell from school like she got punched in the face. I started driving down there and I'm kind of spinning out like I was already having kind of an anxious day. I was already on edge about other stuff and I'm just like, you know, I

Elle's intensity is one of her strengths and also can be one of her weaknesses, right? Like it's amazing how intense and energetic and stuff she can be, but it's also tricky teaching her body boundaries and stuff. And I'm like, oh my God, this incident like, is this the thing that's gonna be the beginning of killing her spirit, right? Like she's got negative feedback from a peer about being too much by being in someone's space too much. And then I'm like, well, it's a natural consequence. Maybe it'll start teaching her like she can't just be in other people's face. I'm like spinning out about this. But my main fear is that like it's going to break her spirit and she's going to shut down and be afraid to be energetic and be herself around other kids. So we get to the school and we pull into the parking lot and Steven, C.C. just wait in the car.

And I run up to the office and there's like an intercom. to the office, it's like a secured campus. So I can't just go right into the office and I buzz the intercom and she's like, hello, can I help you? I'm like, yeah, hi, I'm here to get my daughter L from the nurse. And the receptionist replies, school is out. And I was so pissed. I felt like that was such a rude way to address me. And I didn't even understand why she was telling me school was out. I had realized at that point school was out. But school being out doesn't mean that I can waltz on to a closed campus and go to the nurse's office and get my kid. I don't even know where the nurse's office is. So I reply, then how am I supposed to get my kid from the nurse? And I was so mean to this receptionist, Laura, I was so rude. And she's like, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't hear you say nurse. Yes, yes, come on in, come on in.

And I walked in and she's just like standing there because that's where the receptionist is right behind the desk. And I was like, oh, hi. And she's like, hi, I'm like, I'm really sorry about that. I'm like, yeah, I'm just going through a lot. And she's like, that's okay. It was so awkward like being in the presence of someone. I just yelled at.

Laura

Yeah, it's like if you're on the phone and you get huffy with a customer service agent and then you like hang up and walk out the door and they're right there waiting for you. Yeah, exactly.

Shanna

Yeah, I don't get huffy with people hardly ever. And when I do, I definitely don't expect to see them face to face with one second later. So that added to my anxiety about the fact that my kid just got punched in the face. So I'm standing there waiting in the office and this very chipper vice principal comes out into the office. I didn't know she's vice principal. I don't know who she is. I've never met her. And she's like, oh, hi, she's fine. She's totally fine. They just got in a little thing. And they were like playing around. And he just accidentally hit her too hard. And I was like, oh, OK, that's good. Like that's not the story I heard. But OK. And in my mind, I'm like, yeah, that's his side of the story. Who knows? I know he got sent to the principal. And I'm sure that's what he told her. But she's like totally downplaying it and making it seem like it's no big deal.

Laura

And there's no need to sue the school. Just, just keep walking.

Shanna

Everything's okay. Uh-huh. 100%. And I was like, okay, that's great. Who are you? Like, what's your name? And she introduced herself as the vice principal. And I was like, okay. And so then I see the nurse bringing Elle into the office. And I'm like, ugh. God, is she gonna be devastated? Like is she gonna have a bruise? Like what's gonna happen? Like I'm literally expecting the worst. And she comes in and she's carrying a gingerbread house that she had made at school because they're doing holiday activities this week. And she comes in and she's like, hi mama. And I'm like. Hi honey, are you okay? And she's like, yep, look at this gingerbread house I made. And there's candy, and then this, and oh my gosh, and we can eat it. So I was like, is your eye okay? She's like, oh yeah, that's fine. As if nothing had happened. Spirit not broken, spirit not even fucking bruised nothing.

Like this kid did not care that she got punched in the face by somebody. I was like, okay. All right, well, let's go to the car and went to the car and like everything inside of me is like dying to hear the story I wanted to spill the tea like who did this what's his name and what happened and without trying to be like a an aggressive overly nosy parent you know like So I'm just like, so what happened? And she's like, oh, yeah, is this guy Philip? I'm like, oh, what happened? She's like, yeah, I was just pretending to punch his face and he punched me back. I'm like, OK, well, does it hurt? She's like, no. And I'm like, well, what happened? Did you cry? She's like, oh, yeah. I'm like, well, then what happened? She's like, oh, my friend Kayla told an adult. I'm like, did an adult see this happen? She's like, no. And I'm just like, Okay, no trusted source saw this incident.

I will never know exactly what happened. He's got his side of the story. She's got her side of the story. I don't know. I just I'll never know. You can't six year olds are unreliable sources, right? Yeah, they're definitely unreliable narrators. That's for sure. Yeah. But the good news is that she seemed no worse for wear, and she was very excited about her gingerbread house, and we were able to go about our day.

Laura

Yeah, it sounds like it was literally the least exciting thing that happened to her that day.

Shanna

Yeah, truly, truly. And yeah, I haven't heard her mention him again since. She doesn't seem to have a problem with him. So, yeah, I don't know. Kids are weird, man. Kids are weird.

Oh, they are. They are. But that's not a super fun phone call to get in the middle of the work day.

Laura

Did you have any talks with her about, like, it's a tricky line, right? Because you don't want to victim blame. But also, like, was there a conversation, like, maybe in the future, let's not pretend to punch our friends.

Shanna

Oh, yeah, definitely. Definitely had that talk. And she half paid attention to that. I don't know if this is the incident that's going to seal that lesson into her brain. We're going to have to probably continue on with that lesson.

Laura

But hey, it's a start. It's sort of like the conversations I have with Augie, where like recently, Sebastian bit Augie pretty bad on the back. Like he had a big old bruise, you know, in like two half moons on his back. It was obviously bad and he cried pretty hard. But also like he stole Sebastian's toy. and was like egging him on, like, you know, holding it just out of his reach. And he was clearly crying and reaching for an upset. And we were just steps away, you know, like we had just tried to like put them in the playroom so that we could get something done. And it's like, it's not your fault that he bit you, but it is also kind of your fault. Like he shouldn't bite you, but also don't taunt him. You know, it's like with. You can't taunt a barely verbal, not yet two-year-old and expect them to not find a way to retaliate, you know?

Shanna

Oh, yes. We've been having similar things with Ellen Ciccia's siblings for the longest time, right? And I always try to tell Elle, it's like, she's two, she's only three or whatever age she's at. She doesn't know how to regulate her response to that kind of You know, taunting, teasing, you're in her space too much, et cetera. But also, CeCe's not allowed to hit you. She's not allowed to bite you. She's not allowed to slap you. So, yeah, it's definitely kind of that fine line between both of those sides of the situation.

Laura

Yeah. Although, So Block Tango does play in my head sometimes. He had it coming. He had it coming.

Shanna

Oh my God, that's amazing. So, yeah, the next day, Elle did not have a bruise. She did not have a black eye. Like, she was fine. Her skin was a little pink, but no black eye or anything like that.

Laura

Oh, good. Well, that was a dramatic check-in, Shanna. Oh, you know.

Shanna

Oh, my goodness gracious. I'm so glad she's okay, though. Yes, me too. Me too. But I think we should take a break and move on to our special segment. Yep. Let's do it.

Laura

Okay, we are back in our special segment this week is Mom Wins where we share some big wins in our parenting journeys. Shanna, I want to get right to it because this is a very fun segment. And I want to hear what have you put in your win column lately?

Shanna

So in my check-in, I did mention I was on edge already that day of the punching face incident, right? And I kind of snapped at that receptionist person. The reason I have been on edge recently is that I am currently trying to taper off of my SSRI. which currently is Lexapro. I've been on SSRI for over three years. I started for postpartum anxiety, mostly anxiety, some depression. I've talked about it on the show before. And when I first started seeing my psychiatrist slash therapist, one of the first things I asked was like, is this like a thing I'm going to need to be on forever? at that time it was Zoloft, right? Or is this something you think I might be able to get off of at some point? He's like, I think you could probably get off of it at some point, you know, we'll take it as it goes. And about six months later, when we would have reevaluated my use of SSRIs, the pandemic started.

And that was not the time for me to experiment with that. No. No. So I've been on it all this time and Lexa probably I've been on for about a year and a half and just the last couple months I'm like, I think it's starting to cause some side effects that I personally would rather try to avoid. I don't want to really try to switch medications again, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. So with his help, I have been working to taper off of it and see what life is like off of antidepressant, right? That I've been on for three and a half years. It is not fun to come off of an SSRI. It has been very difficult for me. I don't know what everyone else's experience is like doing this. But for me, one of the things that's been happening is I get what I call brain zaps. It's like electrical pulses that just like zap through my brain throughout the day. And it makes me very dizzy.

It makes it hard for me to focus and concentrate. So I've kind of got that going on. And it's been causing a lot of mood situations for me. I've been having huge mood swings. crying at the drop of a hat, like the girls on the softball team make a good play. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm so proud of these girls. And it's like, yeah, they just like hit a ball, Shanna. So I'm like, very emotional. And I'm also quick to anger, right? So I'm going through a lot emotionally with this too. It's all totally normal while going through this process. It doesn't mean that I need to stop it or anything like that. I'm working very closely with my doctor on it, but it's something I kind of just need to live through until it's all done. And I know that, but it doesn't make it any easier. Really.

Um, the, the, the stress and chaos of parenting life is still going on around me while I'm trying to do this thing for myself. and the other morning was particularly troubling for me. I mean, it was just chaos in the house. No one was listening to me. This is common, right? The kids often just ignore the shit out of me in the morning. It's like, come on, let's go. Let's get ready for school. No one was listening to me, but it felt particularly aggravating because I'm already a little amped up. So I'm getting aggravated that no one is listening to me. And Elle had not done her homework for a few days and was trying to jam in homework before school that morning. And I'm like trying to encourage her to do her homework and she's whining about it. And I'm like, come on, come on, come on. And Sasha, for some reason, is really bothering CeCe that morning.

Like all Sasha, my dog, wants to do is like jump up and sit next door. For some reason that morning, Cici's like, no, Sasha, no. And like, I get Sasha off the couch, you know, to try to alleviate that stress. And then Sasha jumps back up. And this is happening over and over. And Steve's in the kitchen cooking breakfast. And all of it is just really amping me up. And I have a short fuse right now because of what I'm going through. And I was just like, Sasha, get off. And that really upset L. I think it was because of how I was being the whole morning, right? I was kind of talking to them forcefully. It was kind of like aggravated, much more so than I usually am. And I was like, Steve, I need to be in the kitchen. You need to take over in here. I go in and I'm the one cooking breakfast and Elle starts crying. She's like, Mama, why are you being so mean?

And just so upset, you know, she's my sensitive, little sweetie. So she is crying over the way I've just behaved and the way I've talked to everybody and I go into the kitchen and I'm alone and I'm making the breakfast and I'm able to bring myself back down, calm back down. And I'm just like, that's not how I want to show up as a mom, right? I don't want to be like so amped up that I'm like lashing out at my kids and talking in a rude way and all of this stuff. And I just felt so bad. So I don't know. I guess I give myself about 10, 15 minutes to just like really calm down. And as you can see at this point, this feels like a complete mom fail. Like I feel like I have not shown up as my best self, like probably more like the worst part of myself. and it's not good. So I'm at the point of like, how do I handle this going forward?

Like, what am I gonna do to come back from this and address this with them, right? And I have got Gianna Lansbury flying through my mind. I've got Dr. Bucky flying through my mind. I've got every little Instagram piece of parenting advice, you know, that comes through my feed about like, how to handle a parenting moment when you fucked up in front of your kids. Right? Because it happens. It happens.

Laura

You know what I'm envisioning? Do you remember how in the 80s, anytime there was someone trying to make a decision, they would put a little cartoon angel on one shoulder and a little cartoon devil on the other shoulder?

Shanna

100%.

Laura

I'm envisioning Janet Lansbury on one shoulder and Dr. Becky on the other.

Shanna

Oh my gosh. Yes. Luckily they're in unison more or less. They're both like my little angels like, here's what you need to do. Here's what you need to do. Um, so in the back of my mind, like I've got all of this like foundation of, of knowledge of like the best way to approach this. And I'm like, I think I just need to acknowledge what happened and what I just did. So when I was calmer, I went back into the breakfast room and I sat down next to L, uh, the one who I upset the most. And I put my arm around her and I was like, I am so sorry for how I behave. It was. not right of me to, you know, lash out the way that I did. I was having some stress and I know my behavior upset you and I'm so sorry for that. I'm really, really sorry and I know I can do better and I'm going to do better. And oh my God, she is the sweetest child. I swear to God.

She just like hugged into me and she was like, it's okay, mama. It's okay. I know. And was so sweet and so forgiving. And I feel like I'm upset with myself that I fucked up, right? And I was not my best self in front of them, but I'm really proud of the way that I owned it and communicated with my kids about it. Um, CECE was there too. So she heard all of it as well. And it's not easy to do that, right? Like I feel like it's very easy to be defensive and be like, well, you guys are pushing me to the edge or you don't listen or whatever, because you know, part of that's in my brain thinking that.

Laura

Oh, for sure. That's, that's where I go. Like. I know all these scripts you're supposed to do about repair, but I'm still like, won't someone acknowledge that they were being dicks to me too?

I know, I know, I know, trust me. But I guess being the grownup means that you don't get that acknowledgement. You just have to be bigger and better.

Shanna

Yes, it's hard. It was really hard. But reconnecting with them after I did that and acknowledging the situation Clearly, I'm not going to tell them why I'm on edge. Really, that's all just too mature for them to really understand. But for them to know that I recognize that I behaved in a way that is not right for me and that I'm going to do better and that I'm there for them and I love them and everything, I feel proud that I was able to find it in me to do that and reconnect with them. So in the end, I feel like it was a mom win in the way that I handled the situation.

Laura

Yeah, absolutely. And I think that it's totally unrealistic to expect us to never have moments like that, right? Like, you're gonna lose your cool at some point. And the only thing we can, like, do to be better, right, is to do the repair. There's no way to 100% stop ourselves from having moments. And we shouldn't even, because there is something teachable about now Elle knows when she's grown up, she will remember how you sometimes lost your cool, but you always apologized and always took responsibility for your own behavior. Right? That's a nice thought. Which I don't think I got that modeling. I feel like I got a lot of it's other people's fault still. You know what I mean? Like it's always someone else's fault, which I see myself playing out, right? Like someone admits that you're being a dick to me, right? Yeah. So yeah. So I think that's amazing. I think that's a huge mom win.

Shanna

Oh, thank you. Thank you, friend.

Laura

And I hope that your tapering continues to improve.

Shanna

Yes, thank you. It already has gotten a lot better since this moment. So I'm grateful for that. Thank you. Oh, good. Good, good, good. All right. So I am ready to hear about your mom win.

Laura

OK. My mom win is actually a time when I saved my own life recently. What? Ooh. And I documented the whole thing in a string of text messages to my friend Alia. And I'm actually going to recreate the moment by sending you the texts one by one. And I'm hoping you can do a dramatic reading for me.

Shanna

Yes, of course. Of course. You've definitely come to the right person for a dramatic reading.

Laura

Yes. OK, good. OK, so I'm going to send them to you. Just read them as they come. The context is that I was taking some Christmas presents down to the basement to hide them from the children, right? This was actually while they were in the bath with Corey and I was like rushing around to try to take some things from like the front porch that had been delivered and get them down to the basement before any children noticed. And then this happened. Okay, here they come. These are all from me to Alia.

Shanna

Okay, great. Okay, so first text message to Alia from Laura. Mental note, don't wear slippery socks while going down the basement stairs. Good advice. Next message, but if you do, don't have a coughing fit. Oh no, Laura. I don't like where this is going. Okay. Next message. But if you do, don't try to cross your legs to stop stress incontinence. Oh boy. This is starting to sound like a perfect storm. Next message. But if you do, be careful not to start slipping on the stairs. Oh god, my anxiety for you is starting to peak. Laura, what's next? This is the last one. Last message. But if you do, uncross your legs in time to save your own life, piss your pants in the process. No. I'm glad you're alive. Thank you. Yes. Wow.

Laura

What a journey. Yeah. Yeah. I was at the top of the stairs and we have these pretty steep basement stairs, right? And I was in fuzzy socks because it's been chilly, as you mentioned. And I'm rushing around. The kids are in the bath with Corey. I'm rushing around and I'm carrying this box and I, you know, women's pants don't have proper pockets. So I was probably carrying my phone too and whatever. So I like I'm all laden with all the stuff. And then I start coughing and. You know, my pelvic floor isn't what it used to be. I don't know about yours. After two kids, one C-section, one V-back, like it's not terrible. I don't like always have a problem when I cough or sneeze, but especially if my bladder is very full, it can be a bit of a problem. So I just default now. Do the little like mom leg cross. You do. When you cough, right? Of course.

But I was on the top of the basement steps with my slippery socks and my arms full. And I did that. And I started to slip and fall. And I actually did slip down like two steps before I like caught myself. But yeah, the pants were gone. Oh, God. Did you drop anything?

No, that's the other miracle. And there was nothing thankfully like delicate or anything that I was caring. So that was good. But yeah, no, I saved my own life and the Christmas presents that would or whatever were in those Amazon boxes. And the good news is that because the kids were in the bath, I could like rush upstairs and change my outfit and no one was the wiser. Right. You know, I mean, I would have told them what had happened. I'm obviously telling everyone who listens to this podcast. But, you know, it was like if the kids were dependent on me for watching them, I would have probably had to wait a little bit because they are so clean and everything takes time. But yeah, yeah, that was a harrowing journey in the in a matter of seconds going down the stairs. But I'm calling it a mom win because I did not die for sure. And all I had to do was change my pants. So.

Shanna

For sure, you knew the sacrifice that had to be made, you made the sacrifice and you lived to tell the tale. Mom win, mom win. Thank you, thank you.

Laura

And before anyone like comes into my DMs about pelvic floor physical therapy, I know, I know, I went to like three sessions and then the physical therapist I was going to has a very strict illness policy, like no one in your house can be sick. So then like I missed the rest of my sessions and I just need to schedule them again. I know. I know. Okay. I know. It's important. Okay. So that was a fun segment. It actually turns out we have some extra mom wins that we don't have time for today. So I'm thinking maybe we should do a bonus episode with our bonus mom wins. What do you think, Shanna?

Shanna

Oh, I like that idea.

Laura

But for now, let's take a break and come back with our BFPs and BFNs.

Shanna

All right.

We wrap up every episode with our weekly Big Fat positives or Big Fat negatives. Laura, you're up first. What do you got for us? I've got a quick BFP.

Laura

Ooh, Okeydokes. So last week my BFP was that I went on a day date with Corey. Right. To the movie theater. And this week's BFP is that we are continuing our social butterfly phase. And this week we went out on a nighttime date with our friend Muffy to the Magic Castle.

Shanna

Oh, how fun. I love the Magic Castle. I've been there once and it is, I was going to say magical. That sounds so redundant, but it is.

Laura

But it is. For people who don't know, the Magic Castle is this like private magicians club in the Hollywood Hills that you have to like have a special invite to get into. You have to get dressed up. Like they have a very strict dress code. The men have to be in jackets and ties. And the women have to be like, nope. I think it's like no, no jeans, no rompers. I think they can't say no pants anymore, but it was like, it's like that kind of vibe. Like you got to be dressed to the nines to go there. Which I gotta say was my biggest sort of hurdle in this because I did not know if I had anything that fit. But thankfully I had a full length like a maxi dress with long sleeves that still fit me very stretchy, but still elegant. So that was good.

Also, I feel like I don't get to name drop very often, but I feel like my friend Muffy might be one of my most famous friends, so I want to name drop that Muffy Morocco is my good friend, and she invited us to the magic castle. I don't know if people know who she is. Anyone who knows is going to be like, Muffy, you know Muffy? And the rest of the world is going to be like, what? She's like... a minor TikTok and quizzing celebrity. So she's big in the trivia world. Huge in the trivia world, yes.

Shanna

Yes, that is significant.

Laura

Yeah, it is. It is. And she has a really cool TikTok account that I love that you guys should go look up, which is like she just does six trivia questions every day. And it's really, really fun. So definitely recommend that. But Muffy had like a guest pass that was expiring. And so she asked us if we wanted to come. And so we all went and we had dinner. We had like a delicious steak dinner and saw some magic. And it was just lovely. It felt like being grownups without kids again.

Shanna

Yeah. Oh, that's so awesome. I'm glad you were able to get out and get all dulled up. I mean, I can't even remember the last time I like did my hair and makeup and my outfit all together to like go somewhere fancy and have a blast. So that's amazing.

Laura

So I'm going to send you a picture. They only let you take pictures outside. So they have like a little step and repeat outside for you to take a picture at. And then that's it. So here, I'm sending you a picture of us.

Shanna

Okay, look at you all looking so fancy and beautiful. That dress is awesome, Laura. You look so good and your necklace is cute. Oh, I love it.

Laura

Thank you. Notice the waves in my hair. That is all natural waves, Shanna. Oh my gosh. Wavy girl i love it i know so yeah that's it basically is that we went out and had a fun time and got dressed up and with my super famous friend.

Shanna

That is a bfp fo sure yeah alright how about you bfp or bfn. I have a BFP. Great. As I mentioned at the very beginning of the show, Cece has recently turned four and she's a big girl now. And as such, there's some new things that have come into her life that she's very excited about. And it's just so cute to see how excited she is to do these things that kind of signify her movement. into four-year-oldness, okay? Okay. Number one, she is now allowed to have not one multivitamin gummy, but two multivitamin gummies at night, okay? She has been waiting for this because L gets two gummies every night, right? As her vitamins. And she's always like, I want two gummies. Not like I'm not yet. It says on the bottle when you turn four years old. So she turned four and now she gets two gummies. So she's very excited about that.

I also told her that now that she's four, she can read chapter books, which is completely arbitrary. I don't know why I made it a thing. It's just like that's when Elle started reading chapter books or rather we started reading them to her. So I was like, that's a Right of passage, right? I'm like, you can read chapter books now. Probably more because I'm excited to read them to her. But she's excited about that. But the number one thing that she is excited about is being able to chew gum.

She has been dying to chew gum for as long as I can remember. And L was the same way. Like she wanted to chew gums and she was like two years old. And I'm always like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And in my mind, and I had told her, oh, when you turn four, you know, I don't know, that just seems so far off. But by the time she turned four, she's like, can I have gum now? I'm like, okay, let's give it a shot. And that's what we went with. with L. So that's what I've been telling CECE to, like when you turn four, you can try chewing gum. You have to be responsible when you chew gum. You have to be four years old. And so when she turned four, I swear to God, like one of the first things she asked me was like, can I have gum now?

Okay. Yes. Here we go. And I was like, there are three rules with gum. Number one, when you're done with it, it goes in the trash. Number two, you can't be running around playing when you're chewing gum. You have to be very, very careful chewing gum because it could be a choking hazard. And three, the biggest one, you don't swallow gum. I'm explaining the rules to her, and she was so focused and so into it and so jazzed about having gum, Laura. And I gave it to her and it was the cutest thing, like watching her tiny little, like,

just her tiny little jaw like manipulate gum for the first time this thing she was trying to figure out how to not swallow it even though it was so delicious and just I could see her brain being like this is a new thing and it was so cute but anyway I got a little audio recording of me talking to her about gum do you want to hear it okay yeah of course do you guys chew a lot of gum in front of her like how does she even know gum is a thing I Yes, I mean, yeah, I chew gum. Um, occasionally, like I usually have gum around. I don't know. Honestly, I think it's L more than anything. Like if L knows I have a pack of gum, she will beg me for it. She wants to eat it all the time. Like if it were up to her, she would chew like six pieces at a time. So I really think the enthusiasm comes from seeing her big sister do it.

Laura

Yeah, for sure. See, I haven't bought a pack of gum in 20 years, because I have a fucked up jaw, so I can't chew gum. Yeah. So I don't think Augie even knows it exists. Like, I don't think he understands it exists on this plane, yeah.

Shanna

Okay, here's the recording of my little conversation with Cece. Can you tell me again about what you just did for the first time? Eating gum. Oh, what was it like?

Speaker 1

It tasted really yummy.

Shanna

Yeah? Did you follow the gum rules? Yes. What did you do?

Speaker 1

I walked and I spit it out to the trash and I, and I didn't swallow.

Shanna

Good. Very good. Are you excited that you're old enough now to chew gum?

Speaker 1

Now I'm, now I, now I like gum. Now I love gum is now.

Shanna

Yeah. What flavor was the gum that you ate?

Speaker 1

Um, mint. Yeah, yeah, mint. Yeah. Mm-hmm. It was pretty tasty. Mm-hmm. Cool. Now I have fresh but rough.

Shanna

Oh, let me smell. Oh yeah, that's really fresh.

Laura

Now I have fresh breath. Amazing.

Shanna

So it's just all so cute that it all added up to my BFP this week.

Laura

Absolutely wonderful. Well, on that note, I think it's a good time to wrap it up. What do you think?

Shanna

I think so. Listeners, what are your mom wins recently? We want to know. Send them our way. Laura, where can they reach us?

Laura

We are on TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook at BFP Podcast. We have a website, bigpatpositivepodcast.com. If you want to send us an email, you can throw a voice memo in there. We love those. Just send it to contact at bigpatpositivepodcast.com. And finally, if you want to join the coolest group of people on the internet, just search Facebook for Big Fat Positive Community. It's a private group, so just request a join. Answer those two membership questions so we know you're not a robot and you'll get sent straight through to all the amazing conversations we're having in there.

Shanna

Our show is produced by Laura Birek, Shanna Micko, and Steve Yager. Thanks for listening, everyone. Bye. Bye.

Repairing a Parenting Mistake, Dr. Becky-Style – Ep. 237

January 16, 2023

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Repairing a Parenting Mistake, Dr. Becky-Style – Ep. 237

January 16, 2023

Listen Now:

This episode's sponsors:

Whisker Litter-Robot

Once Upon a Dance

Tags

Episode Transcript