2022 Year in Review: Challenges, Laughs and Revelations – Ep. 234

Episode Transcript

Search this transcript

Laura

Hi, welcome to Big Fat Positive with Shanna and Laura. This week, we have our weekly check-ins. We have our special segment, which is the 2022 year in review, where we talk about our biggest challenges, accomplishments, and laughs of the year. And we close with our BFPs and BFMs. Let's get started. Hi, everyone. Welcome to the show. This is episode 234. Hi, Shanna. Hi. So this episode will be coming out the final week of 2022. Wow. I know. It's exciting. And we will be honoring that in our special segment. But first, we need to do our weekly check-ins. So, Shanna, tell me, tell me. What have you been up to this week?

Shanna

Very exciting news over here. My girls got their first paying job. Huh?

I'm putting them to work early, Laura. I mean, that's the whole reason I had kids, okay? To bring in some income for the family. No, no. Our neighbors across the street, they moved in about a year ago. They're lovely. They have a little boy who's about L's age and they have a dog and a cat and they went off to Iceland for Thanksgiving for like, I don't know, 15 days or something. And yeah, jealous. We did not go anywhere. We stayed here. And as a result, they asked if the girls and us could cat sit for them. They're doing something else with their dog, but their cat will be at home and they wanted to know if we would come over like every other day and check on the cat and feed the cat and stuff. And specifically, the dad was like, I think it would be really cool for Elle, like in our old neighborhood, you know, we had a kid

neighborhood kid who'd come and babysit the cat and we'd pay him. And it was like a little responsibility. And what do you think? Do you think Elle would like that? I'm like, yeah, that'd be awesome. And they love animals. So let's do it. And Cece jumped on that bandwagon. She wanted to be part of it too, of course. So we've been going over there and visiting little Kiki. She's so cute and very shy. She rarely comes out. So it's definitely more of just, you know, doing the tasks of changing out her food and her litter box and her water. trying to find her and just make sure she's okay and everything. But it's good. It's so cute to have them, you know, have a little responsibility to take care of something that's not theirs. And it's been fun. I feel like there are two types of cats for cat centers.

Laura

There are the ones who are like, is there a cat here? The only way I know is that the food is lower and there's poop in the litter box. That was my cat Molly, Molly who's passed on, but she was very shy. Yeah. And then there's cats like my current cats who the minute you walk in the door as a cat center, you will be accosted. And like, oh my God, a human who will pet me.

Shanna

Yes. Oh, that's so funny. I think the girls envisioned that kind of cat. They were very excited about cat sitting and thought, you know, they would make a little cat friend. So, you know, it's a little disappointing in that regard. But yeah, she was really shy. We did hear her little meows. It was very cute. But Elle has been talking talking more about getting a kitten lately, so it might be getting her on the cat train.

Laura

Well, and you guys had a little cat encounter later that week, I know, because I was there.

Shanna

That's right. She got to hold some kittens at our friend Amy's house, our friend Amy who does a lot of cat fostering. And we were there because we had Thanksgiving with you and so did Amy and we all got to go over and visit cats first.

Laura

Yes, she has four tiny little kittens and then she has like three of her own cats and then a couple of her fosters. And it was so cute. So we all kind of like marched over. She lives a block away from me. Like you go through this little side alley to get to her place. We all marched over all the kids and you and me and Stephen Corey like sat on the couch watching football. And we went and visited her kittens and you got some kitten love. And it was my favorite memory of that, though, was Sebastian. You know, one of his reliable words is cat. And he walked in, he was like, cat, cat, cat. You know, it was just cats everywhere. He's like, cat.

Shanna

So cute. It was real cute, too, how he was climbing on all the little cat ramps that go up to the couch and stuff. He's like, oh, toys for me.

Laura

100%. And he was chasing the lasers, too.

Shanna

Lots of lasers. The kids loved the cat lasers. It was so fun. Yes, they did. So yes, I'm slowly warming my kids up to the idea of a possible cat in our future. We shall see. You should get cat. Cats are wonderful. I know. I know. Oh, maybe. But yeah, so cat sitting and a super fun Thanksgiving with you all just made for a great week and not too much else to talk about. Cool. What about you? How are things going over there in your world?

Laura

Well, so you talked about Thanksgiving. That was super fun. And I'm actually going to talk about that more in our special segment. So I will let that be for now. And I'm going to check in about the rest of the week. OK. Which, okay, was dominated by this sort of sour mood that Augie was in. Uh-oh. I don't even know if it was a mood, if you'd call it. It might be a phase, it might be a developmental thing, but I've just come to notice that recently it's almost like he's actively finding things to be upset about, like creating conflict in his life so that he can be angry about things. Oh my gosh, that's such a three-nager move. Oh my god, I know. It really feels like he's a teenager. The three-nager thing is so accurate. I thought maybe he'd be growing out of it because he's going to be four soon, but the kid, I mean, it's like he's picking fights. So, okay, here's an example.

We were making cookies for Thanksgiving. Actually what we were doing is like making cookies out of the extra pie dough that I had like trimmed off the edge, right? Okay, yum. So the thing my mom used to do, we would take the pie dough and we'd sprinkle it with like baking sugar and sprinkles and stuff and put it in the oven. And I was like, Augie, do you want to make these cookies with me? And he loves helping me in the kitchen. He was like, yeah, yeah, I got all excited. And I was like, okay, all we have to do is wash your hands first. He had been outside, right? Uh-huh. Non-negotiable. You have to wash your hands before you make cookies. And he just like absolutely refused. Like absolutely refused. Like he lost his shit and just wouldn't do it. And he's like having a full on meltdown about it. Kicking, screaming, calling us names like, and I'm just like, dude, hand in water, wash.

Then you're done. You know what I mean? And in the end, he did it. But it took like 20 minutes, a full meltdown. Anger, you're a poo poo head. I'm never going to wash my hands ever again. Sulking, he does this cartoonish sulk where he crosses his arms, hunches his shoulders, and stomps around.

Shanna

Oh no. I know. These things, they seem so logical or illogical to us as adults, right? It's just like, dude, 20 seconds to wash your hands and you can go do the fun thing. But it's like, nope, they just like dig in their heels and just won't let it go. And then the time has spent melting down. It's like, come on.

Laura

Yeah and he's like that about anything that he is not in control of like I see a pattern and I get it like I'm observing him you know unemotionally I can be like yes he is developing a sense of self and must be in control of his surrounding blah blah blah whatever but it's just like dude fucking just help us. help us help you. Like another example, he asked for yogurt for breakfast. He put yogurt in front of him and he sits down and says, I want eggs or whatever. And I'm like, no, but you, you asked for yogurt just now. No. And then he like, it's not just like, oh, he's disappointed. It's like he tries to like throw the yogurt off the table. And you know, it's like big destructive stuff. It's just discombobulated.

Shanna

So have you come up with any solutions to help the situation?

Laura

Well, I mean, I don't know if they're working yet, but after a particularly hard night, I was telling Corey, I think we need to just remember the whole attention-seeking behavior is connection-seeking behavior thing, and just really double down on paying attention to him, but also in a very physical way. Because he's the kid who needs a lot of physical, big movements and crashing movements and stuff. So what we're trying to do is like when he's starting to get into that meltdown mode, like if he's on the couch, I'll come over and be like, oh, you really want whatever. You really want to watch Transformers, right? Oh, you really want to eat like it so much and like physically lie on top of him. like with my whole body weight and like compresses body as I'm doing it. And honestly, that's like stopped the meltdown once or twice this week. So. Interesting. It's hard to do it all the time.

You can't do it when he's like in the back seat, you know, when you're driving.

Shanna

Yeah. Yeah. It's not always practical. Yeah.

Laura

And then my other idea, which I have no idea if this is going to matter is tidying up at the end of the day like tidying up their playroom and their bedrooms okay cuz I was doing a gays bedtime you know we alternate I was in his room for bedtime one time this week and I'm looking around I'm just like there are books and toys everywhere and I'm just like okay we need to clean this up like doesn't this make you feel yucky to have it all around and he didn't say yeah I was just like mm-hmm I know that for me, it made me feel like unsettled. And I was like, I wouldn't want to sleep around all this clutter. So I was like, okay, we're cleaning up now before bed every night. We're putting your books in the bookshelf. We're putting your toys in the bin. It takes like two minutes. And of course, he like resisted it like crazy.

But I, you know, tried to make it a game or accepted him only doing like one thing, right? So I don't know if that's working, but it's helping me at least not feel so stressed out in their rooms.

Shanna

Yeah, that is helpful. I try to do that with the girls most nights at least like somewhat. So there's at least a clear space in the middle of the room. And yeah, it does. It helps my mental space a lot. Yeah. So those are our tactics. Well, that's good. I hope that those continue to help. And he starts to be able to manage his emotions a little bit better.

Laura

Yeah, me too. I was hoping it might help Sebastian sleep in his room all night. But that has not come to pass.

Shanna

Darn it. It's worth a shot.

Laura

Yeah, we've now just gotten to the point where he comes into our bed at midnight every night and he just nurses for seven straight hours.

Shanna

Ooh, that sounds like a big topic for a special segment one of these days.

Laura

Yeah, I think it is. I will say that the only upside of that is that instead of waking up at like 5 5 30, which he used to in his room, he now sleeps to like seven or seven 30 when he has the boob on tap. So there is an upside, but I don't know if it's enough to make it worth it.

There's no solutions or answers there, so that's just it for that check-in. It's just happening and I don't know what to do. But anyway, that's it for us this week. Shall we move on to our special segment? We should.

Shanna

We're back, and this week's special segment is one of our favorites. We do it every year. It's our year in review, where we ask some questions reflecting on the past year. We've done this, I think, since 2019, maybe?

Laura

Whoa. Is that possible? Wow.

Shanna

Yeah. So it's fun. One of these days, I'm going to go back and listen to all of our answers and see how they've changed over the years. Because we try to stick with similar questions, just so we can kind of see how things have changed year to year. Yeah. As a listener, play along. Think about how you might answer these questions too for your 2022. Laura, should we dive right in with our first question? Absolutely. All right, Laura, here's the first question. What was one of the most memorable things that happened this year?

Laura

Oh, boy. I mean, I had kind of a memorable year. I turned 40. That's right. My kids turned one in three. The kids got vaccinated. That was a good one. Oh, yeah. My dad died. That was memorable. But not in the most fun, reflective way. But you know what's funny is that when I was reading through these questions to prepare for this segment, the first thing that popped into my head was the renovation.

Shanna

Oh, yeah. You had a lot of housework done. Housework makes it sound like someone swept your house. You did more than that.

Laura

Yeah. I mean, our house was like our kitchen and bathroom were like gutted and out of commission for like three to four months, I want to say. It was a big disruption at the beginning of the year. So I think that was the most memorable because it was like such an ongoing project. You know, it wasn't just like one thing that happened or It was just like ongoing months and months and months of this disruption in our lives that ended in a very happy thing, having a new kitchen and a new master bath. But it was definitely memorable. For sure. How about you, Sean? What was one of the most memorable things that happened? I listed like five. So I guess I didn't understand the assignment.

Shanna

When I read the question, one of the first things that popped into my head was the softball season. You know, L starting softball because it's so meaningful to me because I played as a kid. So there's that right. She also started karate this year. But whoa, is that out of my memory? Like who even gives a crap about karate at this point? softball season over here in the Gager house and being the team mom and just having such a blast with all of that in the community that we've built with the league and everything. So becoming a softball family, I would say is the most memorable thing that's happened this year.

Laura

Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Okay, moving on, we're going to kind of have to do these a little bit rapid fire. Otherwise, this will be a three hour episode. So moving on, what was your biggest parenting challenge this year?

Shanna

My biggest parenting challenge this year was helping CeCe overcome her three-year sleep regression, I would say. You know, it's a bit of a distant memory at this point. She does still, you know, wake up at night sometimes or early mornings, but there was a period, I want to say of like, three months or so at the beginning of the year where it was so bad and I didn't know what to do and I was throwing every solution at that problem that I think that's when the lullabies all night long started. The sleep button, the giant teddy bear, the conversations with her stuffed animals to help her understand she needed to stay in bed. There were so many things I tried to fix that problem. And some of them worked for a little while until they didn't. And then I would have to try a new one. So it was this ongoing challenge That also caused me to be sleep deprived.

And I know you know how challenging it is to live and parent when you're sleep deprived. So that whole time was very difficult for me. What about you? What was your biggest parenting challenge this year?

Laura

Having Sebastian now that he turned one and having Augie be three, I think it was like having two kids who are very opinionated and strong-willed was my biggest challenge because, you know, the first year was a little bit of a honeymoon phase because Sebastian was a baby, you know? And babies, you can kind of just like lug them anywhere. You got to do whatever you want with them. Like there are a lot of babies who cry a lot and like colicky. And I understand it's not everyone's experience, but like, You know, they're portable and they stay put for a while for the first like six months. They're pretty good. You can kind of put them down in places and they're fine. But this year, all bets were off, you know, with the two of them. And the things that used to like not be an issue at all, like Augie stealing a toy of Sebastian's, like now it was a big problem, right? Like Sebastian cares now.

if Augie takes a toy out of his hand. So that sort of thing was definitely the most challenging, just figuring out how to parent two children who have differing opinions on what should be happening and are both very mobile and opinionated.

Shanna

Yep. And it's just the beginning. It's just going to continue. They're going to continue to have more opinions and more strong feelings.

Laura

Yep.

Shanna

All right. Next question. What made you laugh the hardest this year?

Laura

Okay. So I have this memory. It took me a while to remember like what was making us laugh, but there was some point a couple of months ago where Corey and I were like, I was trying to tell him a story about something Augie did and I couldn't get it out. And you know, it was one of those things where it was like contagious. Like I was trying to tell him it was making me laugh and he starts laughing. And then we were like literally like wheezing, crying, laughing because it was so funny. And I finally remembered, I was sitting here being like, I remember the laughing, which is very telling, right? Like I remember the laughter and the joy. I didn't remember what it was about. And then it finally clicked. It was when I came downstairs after bedtime and I said, Corey, a hugging just looked at me with his beautiful, sweet big eyes and said, mama, what is a human sacrifice?

But I couldn't, like I couldn't get it out. I was like, what is it? Cory's like, what are you trying to tell me? And I was like, it's too funny. So I think that was it. I think, so I think that was definitely the hardest I've laughed in memory. How about you, Shanna?

Shanna

I love it. I love it. Well, my kids make me laugh all the time, and they're just getting more hilarious, especially Elle with her little performer side to her. And there are so many little things that always have me rolling with them. But if I'm really honest, like really honest, I think what I laughed at the most this year were dog videos on TikTok. I am such a sucker for dog content. OK, I'm going to send you a link to one of my favorites. that I even saved. I don't save a lot of videos on TikTok, but I saved this one. I love it. It's that good. All right, let's see.

Laura

Okay, I just sent you the link. Okay, Mesa Bear on TikTok. Little fluffy white dog.

OK, I have to say that this is not like it's cute. But I don't know if this is like exactly my my funny bone. It's it's a little fluffy white dog with bows in her hair and she's like being sassy. And there's a there's a funny sound over it that my dad's always like, well, I said no. I said, yeah, it's cute. It's very cute. I will give you that.

Shanna

It's very cute. The way the little sassy dog, like, rides her body on that. Well, my mom said yes. I'm just like, oh my God. It's also because, like, in my heart of hearts, I love this kind of little dog. I fell in love with dogs because a friend had a little dog that looked like that. And I just want one, I think. So maybe that's part of that, too. But, you know, TikTok brings the laughs is what it boils down to.

Laura

It's true. OK, next question. What new skill or hobby did you pick up this year?

Shanna

Oh, well, I've talked about this on the show before. I learned how to do my own manicures this year. That's right. And I've only gotten better and better. Like looking back to the beginning, I'm like, dang, I was really bad. But I stuck with it. It's probably been like six months now. And one of the more recent ones I did, I was just like gobsmacked by how well I did. I was like, wow, that looks really, really good, Shanna. So I am very proud of myself for picking up this skill. It's a fun thing that I do to fill the time. And yeah, so it's been fun.

Laura

Cool. I'm jealous. My nails are terrible.

Shanna

Oh, OK. Well, come over. I'll give you a manicure.

Laura

Okay, very short manicure.

Shanna

No guarantee how I'll do on other people though, probably terrible. All right, what about you? What skill or hobby have you picked up this year?

Laura

Well, I got a cricket machine this year. Oh, that's right. I talked about it on the podcast, I think. I treated myself for my 40th birthday to a big cricket bundle that I saw someone selling on my mom's group. And so I have like the cricket explore and I have the, which is like the middle model, basically. And I have a heat press, which is very exciting because you can like basically make t-shirts and all kinds of things with it. And I haven't had that much time to play with it, but I have made a few things. I've made like a Transformers water bottle for Augie. And I've made myself like I made myself some BFP merch.

Shanna

I saw photos of that. It's so cute. Laura, I think you should make some and we could either like raffle them off to listeners or sell them or something because they're really cute.

Laura

They are cute. I want to try like a different method where you etch out the like you get a tumbler and you etch out the color because I think that the vinyl will come off. For people who don't know what a cricket is, it's like a cutting machine. It's like a cutting and drawing machine, basically. and you can cut very elaborate shapes out of vinyl or cards or whatever. But I used it for like Halloween decor. I cut out a bunch of bats for the wall and pumpkin. So yeah, there's just a lot you can do with it. And I'm just having some fun with it. So yeah, that's my new hobby. I have to say that like I have accumulated a lot of hobbies in my lifetime. So like the fact that there's a new one for me to find is pretty impressive.

Shanna

Just when you thought you'd run out of hobbies, they create a magical cutting machine. Exactly. Perfect. Okay, moving on. Laura, what was the most fun you had this year?

Laura

I think the runner up is Thanksgiving weekend that we just had because you and the family came over and that was like so much fun. It was. It was such a blast. Augie and Elle are like peas in a freaking pod. Yeah. The two of them just had so much fun. And Cece is the sweetest with Sebastian. She is so cute. And so it was just like, ugh, it was so nice. The kids played. We cooked. Like you and I disappeared into the kitchen and got to like just chat for hours while we were cooking and Then Corey had the idea to do s'mores for dessert in the backyard and so fun. The kids loved that. I mean, everyone just had a good time. If I recall, there were no meltdowns. No, none at all. Everyone was just having a blast. I mean, absolutely amazing. But I do think that's a runner up. I think that's fresh in my mind. So I remember it was fun. But I have to credit for the most fun my 40th birthday.

So the big party I threw for myself and then the weekend where you me and Jen went to the Langham and had like a.

Shanna

Nice retreat for 24 hours that was definitely the most fun I've had this year so good I'm so glad that you were able to do all that stuff and celebrate your 40th and. Me too. That I was able to be a part of it. Oh, it was so good. Those things are on my list too, for sure.

Laura

Okay, so what else is on your list? What was the most fun you had this year?

Shanna

Maybe because it happened more recently. It's fresher in my mind, but I was going to say the mom retreat that I went on up in the Lake Arrowhead area up in the mountains, and our friend Jen was there. just got to meet a bunch of new people, a bunch of other moms. We played that werewolf game, and I performed in front of the crowd, which I haven't done in so long, which is always one of my favorite things in the world. So just the combination of all of that together was a blast, and it was hard to leave.

Laura

Wouldn't it be nice if I was allowed in that damn group? I know.

Shanna

We have to make it happen.

Laura

If I keep complaining about it, they're never going to let me in, though.

Shanna

I'm like, I have a very bitter friend named Laura, who like hates this group, but really wants to be in. You want to let her in. Let me in. I'm so mad about it. Well, you know what? Let's just make our own forest retreat next year. Like me and Jen and some other of mom friends, we can do it.

Laura

We could totally do it. Okay, next question. What was the best book you read or show you watched this year?

Shanna

Ooh, good question. Seeing as I am not a very good book reader, we've established that on the show before. I don't even remember what I read this year. I'm going to mention my three favorite shows that I watched this year, which are Hacks and The Bear and White Lotus. All of those, I got so excited every night to watch new episodes. like, oh my gosh, I can't wait for the kids to go to bed, go to sleep so we can go and watch new episodes.

Laura

I watched Hacks on your recommendation and loved it so good. I like went straight through it. Uh-huh. And then we sat, it was over. And I watched The Bear too. Unfortunately, Corey started watching White Lotus without me and I never like really had time to catch up. So I've seen little bits here and there.

Shanna

Yeah, that's too bad. Well, when you have time and you're looking for something new, give that one a go, because I really loved season one. I mean, season two was great, too. That's the one that came out this year. So give it a whirl. What about you, though? What are your fave books or shows from the year?

Laura

Well, so it's hard for me to remember what books I read this year. And like I used to keep a list just on my bedside table and like a little journal. Just I don't know. I like lists, but I haven't been doing that. But I know the book that like definitely had the most impact for me, which was The Candy House by Jennifer Egan. Oh, tell me about that. So she wrote a visit from the Goon Squad, which won the Pulitzer, I think, and probably other prizes, but a while back. And I read it. I didn't remember much about it, but I saw that this book had come out. And I remember liking a visit from the Goon Squad. And so I listened to it. I listened to the audiobook. And it's so hard to explain this book. Every chapter is in a different style from a different person's point of view. And you start to realize that they're all

tangentially related to each other, like a minor character in chapter one will be the protagonist or narrator of chapter two. Oh, I love that. And it goes on like that, right? And this is the first book I have ever done this with. I finished the book and immediately started listening to it again.

Shanna

Really?

Laura

Yeah, because I was just like, I need to know how like I need to go back and now that I know how everyone's related, I need to like listen again. I didn't end up finishing it. It's a long book and my Libby, like my library loan was ending, but I got like two thirds of the way through my second listen. But I have to say that's got to be the best one. If I was compelled to listen to it a second time.

Shanna

Yeah.

Laura

Yeah, that counts, so.

Shanna

Okay, what was it called again? I'm putting it on my Libby List. The Candy House. Okay.

Laura

And the audiobook was excellent.

Shanna

All right. Next question, Laura. What was your biggest time waster this year?

Laura

Oh, okay. Other than the usual suspects that we talk about every year. Last year, I think I said TikTok, right? Facebook, TikTok, et cetera. The thing that comes to mind is this mobile game that I was recommended by a friend called Baba Is You. Okay. B-A-B-A is you. And, you know, they keep track of how long you've been playing, which is kind of horrifying. It says I've played for 12 hours, which I guess if you prorate it over a year doesn't seem like a lot. But I'm like, wow, 12 hours of just staring at this game. But it is actually a kind of interesting game. It's like a text-based puzzle game. Oh, it's kind of hard to explain, but you have like Baba is like the a sheep right like a little sheep avatar. It's like very pixelated like, you know, old school style and you have to move Baba around and Baba can move like chunks of text around.

And if you arrange the text, it changes the rules of the game. So like, for instance, if you have, it says, Baba is you in the middle of the screen. And then there's like a flag somewhere. And then there's the word flag. You can take Baba and move flag, the word flag down. So it says, flag is you. And then suddenly the flag is the thing that's moving, right? And so like you have to figure out like how to move the text around to like create your winning objective or like whatever. It's it's very simple and then it gets very, very complicated. And yeah, it's what I've been playing while Sebastian nurses before bedtime. And I think I've wasted a lot of time on it.

Shanna

Oh, fun. Well, I'm definitely going to have to check that out because I like word games. And the way you described it made no sense to my brain whatsoever. And I'm very curious to see what this is all about.

Laura

Yeah, I recommend it because it's definitely different than anything I've ever played. And it's a good little brain exercise. Yeah, cool. How about you? Have you come up with any new and innovative ways to waste time this year?

Shanna

Well, I was also going to say my usuals, which I think last year was like watching Top Chef because I still do that all the time. But something new that popped up this year. I'm on TikTok right now this year and for some reason TikTok decided to start feeding me ASMR videos in my algorithm. I've never watched those before, didn't really understand it or whatever, but it's a phenomenon that works on me completely. Like I will watch this shit and listen to it and like get little tingles down my back. And suddenly like, yeah, 30 minutes later, I'm like, why am I still watching this video of this one scratch this other person's back?

The weirdest shit. And so it will pop up in my algorithm and I'll get sucked in and watch squishing weird squishy things on the mic. And so sometimes before bed, if I'm having a hard time relaxing or falling asleep, I'll go to YouTube and be like, ASMR. And literally, I've watched a video of a woman playing with another person's hair. And it's just so relaxing and odd and nothing I would have ever expected to be interested in. So there you have it.

Laura

Interesting. I can't do those because of my misophonia, my anger at sound. It just, because it's people. I don't even want to do it because I don't want to do it to our listeners, but like people who whisper and then you can hear all their mouth sounds. Oh God. No thank you. Yeah.

Shanna

I think about you sometimes because some are better at whispering than others. Some can do it without making too many mouth sounds, but some like, like all they do are these weird. Well, I shouldn't even talk about it with you. You know what?

Yeah. Thank you. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. It's definitely not for some people, which I realize in some people doesn't even have a reaction to. Like my friend, Melissa, she's like, does that like, does that actually make you feel like tingly, like a little tickle down your spine? I'm like, yeah, it doesn't to you. She's like, no, not at all. Nothing like zero reaction. So like it's a mystery.

Laura

Yeah. I don't get the tickle. I do enjoy like those oddly satisfying videos, you know, where people are like cutting foam with a hot knife or something, you know. Yes. As long as there's no weird sounds. Yeah, those are good too. Okay, so moving on. If you could travel back all the way back to January 1st, 2022, what advice would you give yourself?

Shanna

I would tell myself to look at my budget now, not wait until September, which is when I actually finally did it. And start saving money now because our costs like really went up in 2022 because CECE started preschool and L started aftercare, right? I started paying for her to go to the YMCA after school three days a week. So all of a sudden there was like a big increase in what we were paying. And come around September, we were just kind of winging it for a while. I'm like, hmm, I don't know if winging it's the best idea. Maybe we should adjust our budget and really look at it. And that's when I finally did it. That's when I was like, OK, here's what we need to start taking out of our paychecks every month to put into savings so we can account for property tax and gifts and all those things that creep up on you. And I just did that way too late.

And I really wish that I had done that sooner.

Laura

Well, now you have those systems in place though, so that's good.

Shanna

Yeah, that's true. It'll help me in 2023. So hopefully I won't have the same want for advice at the end of next year.

Laura

Yeah, for sure.

Shanna

What about you? What advice would you give yourself?

Laura

I think I'd say go visit your dad more, to be honest. I have rationalized and I think I have really good reasons for why I didn't go see him more. I saw him a couple times this year, you know? And they were great reasons. They're very valid reasons. And I don't think he was upset with me or now would be mad at me that I didn't go up more or anything. But I do regret not just sucking it up and dealing with the You know, dealing with the difficulties of getting up to Fresno and finding people to take care of the kids or bringing the kids or, you know, whatever it is, there was always, you know, very legitimate good reasons to not go up. But I probably could have hacked it a few more times. So I do wish I had done that more. But, you know, I'm not like wrecked with guilt for the rest of my life about it. But if I could go back in time, yeah, I would go a few more times.

Shanna

Yeah, that makes sense.

Laura

Yeah, yeah. But you know, I am glad I did get to go see him a few times and I am glad I did, you know, suck it up those few times.

Shanna

So yeah, you did. Didn't you do a like one day turnaround trip to go and see him?

Laura

Yeah. And you know, that's the thing I wish I had done one more time.

Shanna

Yeah.

Laura

Is that once I realized I could do that, like I, you know, drive up and back the same day, you know, I figured I should have done that again. And I was actually planning on it, but it kept, you know, we kept getting sick. That was the other thing is like, yeah. And you don't want to bring illness to like a care home, right? Like that you can't bring an illness. So that was part of the problem. Also, I feel like I was getting weird like pressure from outside to not do that. Like I think people were worried about me driving that much and stuff. So like every time I brought it up, like to my mom and people, they were like, no, no, no, don't do that. Like they were worried about it. So I felt, I don't know, like, oh, maybe I shouldn't do that again. So I remember just second guessing myself on that, but I really should have just done it again.

It really isn't that bad driving up and back from Fresno. So yeah, I'd say that's something I would tell myself. Mm-hmm in January.

Shanna

Yep. Okay next question What are you most proud of this year?

Laura

Oh the first thing I wrote down was surviving It has been so I mean like that just managing to get through all the challenges I am actually very proud of But I also think donating breast milk. I'm very proud of yeah

Shanna

Yeah, that's right.

Laura

Yeah, when I sent in my 260-something ounces of breast milk to the UC Health Milk Bank. I'm very proud of that. That was not super easy and there was a whole process to get approved and I'm really glad I did it.

Shanna

Yeah, I'm proud of you too for that. Thank you.

Laura

How about you? What are you most proud of this year?

Shanna

When I was reflecting on this question, what came to mind was advocating for my kids, even when it made me uncomfortable. So this was the year of the karate incident. If you remember, I talked about on the show where like I spent all this money to sign L up for like three months of karate and we went to the first class and the. instructor came across as extremely mean and I didn't know what to do about that and stuff. And I went against my comfort level and sent a message explaining that we wanted to refund and he was too mean or whatever. And I had to deal with that. And that is so hard to do for me. I don't like that kind of confrontation. I don't like doing things that make me feel singled out, you know, in a negative way or anything.

And even just like when I talked recently about going to those All Star tryouts with Elle and it was freezing cold and like no other parents seemed to care that their kid was cold and freezing out there. But I was like, I don't care. I'm going out there to keep her warm with my blanket hoodie. So it's like little things like that I'm learning to do as a parent to forget about what other people think of me and my choices and focus more on what my child needs. And that's hard for me and I feel like I'm getting better and better at that as I go along.

Laura

Yeah, good for you. Thank you. Okay, next question. What was your favorite episode of Big Fat Positive this year?

Shanna

We've had so many good ones, Laura. How could I pick?

Laura

Oh, you're just going to have to try.

Shanna

OK, OK. No, no. My favorite episode or episodes really was a two-part series were our episodes where we interviewed Gia Gambaro Blunt, your mommy and me toddler and me teacher. I loved those episodes. I remember just like listening to her talk and feeling like I was in the presence of greatness and learning so much. And she was talking directly to me about like my problems with CECE and I re-listened to those. And just super helpful and she seems wonderful.

Laura

She is wonderful. Those were actually the ones I wrote down. That's my favorite episodes this year.

Shanna

Are you serious? Really?

Laura

Yeah, because I mean, she is so great. She's like full of wisdom and also so sweet and wonderful and totally understands like modifying your approach based on the kids. Like I love her so much.

Shanna

So yeah.

Laura

We're actually still doing toddler and me classes even though Sebastian's in daycare. Like I pull him out of daycare to go to the classes. So like, I can't stop seeing Gia.

Shanna

I can't quit you.

Laura

Basically. So yeah, if anyone wants to listen to those, if you miss them, they're episodes 213 and 214. So go have a listen.

Shanna

Yeah, definitely. Okay, switching gears to other people's podcasts. Laura, what was your favorite podcast or podcasts to listen to this year?

Laura

Well, I have my, like, same ones that I've been listening to that I've talked about before, like, happier with Gretchen Rubin, happier in Hollywood, and maintenance phase, but I've added a few new ones to my subscriptions list. So the first one is when I talked about on the show was normal gossip, which is just like a really fun, lighthearted show where the host like tells stories of like real people gossip, like just stuff that happened to real people and it's very, uh, it's very fun. It feels like you're gossiping with friends, uh, but low stakes because you don't actually know anyone. And then the other one is like very far on the other end of the spectrum, which is called case 63.

Shanna

Oh, what's that?

Laura

It's a Spotify original like a fiction podcast. And it starts Julianne Moore and Oscar Isaac.

Shanna

Wow.

Laura

And it's like kind of about time travel. I really enjoyed it. It's limited, you know, it's just like eight episodes or 10 episodes, something like that. But I really enjoyed it. I binged it. And I love a good fiction podcast. So those were two new ones that I really liked this year.

Shanna

Awesome.

Laura

How about you? What podcast have you been listening to?

Shanna

Well, my usuals are in there, too. Like Conan O'Brien needs a friend, maintenance phase, heavyweight. Those are always in rotation. One of my new ones is chameleon. And each season of chameleon is a different story. It's like true crime, but it's not too gritty. It's more just like interesting, true stories. The first one was called Wild boys and it was about like these two like teenage boys that wandered out of the woods and into a small town and the whole town was taken by them because one of the boys was completely emaciated and they were very bizarre they said they had like been raised in the forest and They were like, you know, finally emerging into society. And so it tells their story. And then season three, season two, I wasn't into. Season three is called the Hollywood Con Queen, which was so fascinating.

It was about how these high-powered Hollywood executives got taken for a ride. Like, that's all I'm going to say. Okay.

Sounds intriguing to anyone. I think you just need to listen to that because it was good Those are probably like my two favorites that I listened to this year.

Laura

Okay, cool I'm gonna add those to my list cool I like a true crime. That's not too murdery, you know like I'll listen to non-murder true crime. Yes Yes, these would be more up your alley then okay cool All right, next question. What did you learn about yourself this year?

Shanna

Ooh, I didn't realize I learned this until I started reflecting on the question and started thinking about things I've done this year. And what came to mind is that I realize I'm better at holding boundaries than I thought I was or I'm getting better at it. You know, from what I mentioned earlier, like the confrontation with the karate coach, right? Like, There's a boundary. I'm not putting my kid in a class. You know that feels abusive or negative like that's pretty obvious one two things like holding boundaries when dealing with CECE's night sleep problems, right? It's like No, you're not coming into my bed until it's green or I'm not going in your room until your little light is green and like trying to really hold a boundary that will help keep my own sanity, even when it's really hard. I had an incident with a family member this year that was very like tricky and upsetting for me.

And in the moment, you know, I was very emotional and stuff. But then I was able to kind of like step back and put a boundary for myself of like, how am I going to engage with this person going forward in order to protect myself and my emotions? And I've been very good about sticking with that and just kind of learning to say no or bow out of things that I know will add too much to my plate and overwhelm me. You know, like I had like some, I was trying to do a lot this last weekend with softball and like this other thing and all this stuff was piling up. And at a certain point I was like, you know what, we're going to say no to softball today because I'm feeling stressed and it's just not necessary. Like it might disappoint some people, but that's what's going to happen. And we did it and I felt great.

I'm like, oh my God, protecting myself and setting boundaries feels really good and I'm trying to be better at it as I go along.

Laura

That's wonderful. That's good. That's a very good revelation.

Shanna

Thank you. What about you? What have you learned about yourself this year?

Laura

I mean, it's kind of a bummer, but I kind of feel like what I learned was that I do have a breaking point, you know?

Shanna

Oh, yeah.

Laura

I mean, I don't think I'm completely broken or anything, but I feel like there's just been so much, you know? It's just like starting off with the renovation, which yeah, it's a fun thing that we're doing for ourselves. But it was really stressful on the family. And then Sebastian's sleep problems and then my dad's illness and You know, I just things piled up and, you know, I definitely have most of the time like lived my life with like, I can handle it. I can, you know, I'm just going to persevere attitude. And when I finally got to this point where we were trying to decide whether to put Sebastian in daycare, like I realized like, oh my God, I need this, you know, because like I think I am like teetering on the edge of burnout. And if I don't do this, like I'm fucked basically.

And that was an important revelation, you know, that like, I do need to stop and reassess and get help for, you know, all the things in life. So, yeah, but I think that, yeah, this year definitely challenged me in that way. It sent me to the brink.

Shanna

Well, I'm glad that you said yes to the full time day care, you know, taking care of yourself is so important and you recognize that. So that's great. Thank you. Thank you. Okay, we have a couple more questions, but I think we should take a break and come back with them. What do you think? Okay, sounds good

We're back and we've got a couple more year in review questions. Laura, here's another one for you. What three words sum up your year?

Laura

All right. Well, I feel like this is very telling, especially in light of the last question. So I'm looking at my notes and I wrote fractured, exhausting, comma, and then nothing. I didn't have a third word. Like I literally was so exhausted I didn't get to the third word. Oh no. So yeah, although you know what? I feel like the third word should be like spacey. I feel like my brain, I'm so like everywhere, right? Like part of this thing about like kind of approaching my breaking point is like my brain is in like 30 different places at once. And I just cannot keep track of things case in point. I put that new tumbler that I like made myself on my cricket full of hot tea on the top of my car this morning when I was like on the way to the post office to get like stamps. And I start driving and I hear like thunk, crash.

And of course, and the way I stopped it rolled over my windshield and got like tea all over my windshield. Luckily, I was able to retrieve it. It's a little scuffed up, but it's all right. But like, it's just like, I completely forgot that 30 seconds before getting in my car, I'd put that up there. You know what I mean? Like, and then, of course, it's easy to spiral and be like, where am I going to do that? Like, forget the babies in the backseat, you know, like all that stuff. Like I'm trying to, I feel like it's a, it's a good warning sign that like you're doing too much. You need to focus. So also needing to sleep, probably.

Shanna

Yeah, yeah, that might improve things.

Laura

Yeah, it might improve my memory. But yeah, those are my three words. Just trying to be honest here. We love that about you. Shanna, how about you? Did you pick three words or just two and then trailing off into nothing? It's like me.

Shanna

No. Miraculously, I managed to come up with three before getting distracted by God knows what. Mine were active because I feel like especially after the pandemic, life is a little bit more in full force. It's kind of nice. The kids are both off in school and we've got our activities now and more social activity, which It is awesome. And as such, my second word is fun. I've had more fun this year than I have in the last two with the new social activities and teams and the retreat and your birthday retreat. All that stuff just like I've had more fun this year than I have in the last two. So I'm happy about that. And then I wasn't sure like exactly how to say my third one, but it was what I wrote down was multitasking.

It's just like, yeah, being all over the place with having a more active life, it's just even more of the trying to keep track of one million things at a time than ever before. So yeah, my brain's all over the place too.

Laura

the mental load.

Shanna

Like my example is I'm pulling out of the driveway this morning with Elle to take her to school and I'm like, and the car is like, and I'm like, what? And I realized I just like backed right into our blue recycling bin, which was granted. It was kind of like in the driveway, but did I turn and look to see if there was anything behind me? No. Did I look in my room? No, just like trying to hurry, you know, to get to school and like just run over a bin. I was like, oh my God, Shanna.

Laura

Slow down. Oh, no. Yeah, for sure. At least it was a bin. Bins are big and flexible.

Shanna

And replaceable. If they break, you can call the city and get a new one. So anyway, all right. So we have one more question. Laura, you want to hit us with the last question?

Laura

Yes. OK. What are you most looking forward to in 2023?

Shanna

All right, a few things. The first thing that immediately came to my mind was CECE going to pre-K, which is universal free pre-K for four-year-olds in California now, and not having to pay for preschool anymore. I'm very excited about that. It's going to help us a lot financially. And I'm also looking forward to Cici just growing more emotionally, like more development in that area, because I already see a huge difference in her, like even since the beginning of this year. Like there's fewer meltdowns, knock on wood, and just a little bit more emotional control. And as a result, I'm seeing more of her natural personality coming out and like, you know, really wonderful, silly, funny, quirky, unique sides of her. And I think that's going to get better, you know, when she's four. So I'm really excited about that too. What about you? What are you most looking forward to in 2023?

Laura

Oh, a lot. So I'm really looking forward to trying to sort of regain some control over my life. I feel like trying to get a little bit more normalcy, trying to get more sleep, and trying to get into like a rhythm with childcare. Because I feel like ever since Sebastian started school, it's just been like one illness after another. And I've still haven't gotten like Good chunks of time like those six weeks you talked about where you were like everything was amazing because you had six weeks of childcare like i'm still waiting for that so yeah i'm really looking forward to that like hoping to really sort of. Find time for myself again and you know be able to have the capacity to start picking up gigs and not feel like i'm dropping the ball and everything and. I definitely have a plan in place.

I feel like my last few answers sounded a little depressing, but I want people to know that that's in reflection. I have acknowledged all this stuff for myself, and I'm starting to put plans into place to regain control. You know, or the illusion of control, I should say, if we're going to get philosophical on it. But, you know, just have some better systems in place, figure out what I can let go of, figure out what I need to sort of pay more attention to, and just get more centered. So that is my hope for 2023. And good. With the boys like watching them play more they are just getting to the age where they are like having so much fun playing with each other.

And I think it's only gonna get better you know they're gonna be two and four at the beginning of the year and like it just seems like they're gonna start having so much fun especially when Sebastian starts getting a little more verbal. And I can't wait to see how their relationship develops because it's so fun already and like it's one of my favorite things. So watching them get older and play and be best friends or, you know, they don't have to be best friends, but being friends, I think that's just going to be awesome. I can't wait to see that.

Shanna

That's so fun. Well, that all sounds really hopeful and positive. And, you know, the one thing that I forgot to mention is that I'm really looking forward to writing our book. in 2023.

Laura

Yes, that's right.

Shanna

Yeah.

Laura

So that is on the docket as well. For sure. And that will definitely make me happier. So yeah. Well, this was a fun trip down memory lane. But I think it is time to move on to our BFPs and BFNs. What do you think? Yes, let's do it. Okay, so we close our episodes with a Big Fat Positive or a big fat negative from the week. Shanna, what you got for us?

Shanna

I have a Big Fat Positive. Yay. Yay. The other night after the girls went to bed, I was out in the family room eating and watching Great British Baking Show catching up on the latest season. That's one of my favorite shows. I love baking and cooking shows in general. That's one of my favorites. And Elle came out and she's like, I can't sleep. And she just like, I don't know, just seemed so cute and like I didn't want to walk her back to bed. I was like, what do you want to sit and like watch a little great British baking show with me? And she's like, yeah, of course. And so she did and she fucking loved it. And I was like, yes, I have a partner to watch the baking show with now.

Like, she enjoyed it so much and got so invested that she, like, got sad when one of the contestants got sent home and was, like, so excited to watch the next episode and see who the winner was and, like, brought it up to me, you know, a couple days later. And the positive of it is that, like, you know, I can have a kid now that I can watch more adult things with instead of just sitting and watching all the cartoons. So I was so jazzed about that. And we have more great British baking show to watch together.

Laura

That's fun. Our version of that is Aki and Lego Masters. He's suddenly into Lego Masters. That's obvious reasons, but it's actually like something we can watch together. So that's been fun.

Shanna

Yeah, that's so cool. All right. What do you got for us this week?

Laura

Okay. So I have a BFN that turned into a BFB. Ooh, okay. Sounds like a journey. Yes. So we recently went to go get our Christmas tree at the little boutique we call Home Depot. And for people not in the U.S., that is a big box store. It's not a little boutique. I'm being funny. So it's a pretty big lot. They like block off part of the parking lot for this their tree lot section, right? And Cory as I've mentioned before is like very particular about what tree gets. So we were like looking at a lot of different trees and it's getting dark blah blah blah. Anyway, we finally picked the tree. We're all very happy with it. He carries it over to the front where they like chop the bottom off and get it ready for

Putting on your car and stuff and in the meantime while they're doing that I go inside with the boys to pay at the checkout and when I come back out Corey's like well I lost my wedding ring what yeah and there was no wedding ring on his finger and he's like it's somewhere here.

Oh my gosh. And we're like, oh shit. And he's like, I'm pretty sure when I was like reaching into a tree, it got caught on a limp, you know, it got caught on a branch and pulled off. Talk about a Christmas ornament. Yeah, and we looked at a lot of trees like we looked at probably a dozen trees like in detail You know where he like put his hand in to hold the trunk so I could look at it from afar So I'm like, okay, and so so we have to do this like detective work And of course, in my mind, I'm calculating how much did his ring cost? Did we have an insurance? Should we just go get another one? This is never going to happen. It's almost dark out here. We have our flashlights out. We're looking on the ground of the Home Depot, which is just littered with pine needles. And I'm looking at all the bays. There's probably 30 different bays full of trees. And we're looking at everyone.

Meanwhile, I have the two kids to deal with. So Augie is like, we got to find a ring. He thought it was a fun activity. No, of course, he doesn't really know what he's looking for. Like he can't trust that he really did a good job looking, but I like tried to task him with it. I was like, okay, gotta keep an eye out for daddy's wedding ring, like looking on the ground. And then finally, I was like, it's probably in that tree we looked at right before the one we landed on because you had to like fluff it out. Oh, okay. And of course I'm trying to look at photos from like the day to see like when he had his ring on and when it disappeared, but I couldn't find anything. So finally we went and there was someone else looking at the tree. Uh-oh. They're looking at it and we're like hovering, right? And they're kind of like eyeing us because you know, it's a little competitive.

Like you don't want someone else to get your tree. And Cory didn't want to say anything, but I'm like louder. So I'm like, I'm so sorry. We are not interested in this tree, but we were looking at it and my husband can't find his wedding ring. Can we like look for it in this tree? And of course they were like, you know, they were like, oh my god, of course, you know, here you go. And they handed it over. And so Corey picked it up and turned it upside down and started shaking it. This is like a seven foot tree. And he had to shake it a bunch. Like he almost gave up. He was shaking it for like a good 30 seconds. And all of a sudden we hear like, and we looked down and the ring falls out. It was like embedded in the tree. Oh my word. And I was just like, wow. Someone else could have picked that tree in the meantime and walked off with his wedding ring.

So it was definitely stressful, but it was a funny story. And that is our BFP now because he actually found his wedding ring in the Christmas tree all as well. It now has a nice pine smell to it. And yeah, it was a Christmas miracle.

Shanna

It was. Yay. I'm so glad that you found it. That's hilarious. Me too. Wow. I think he needs to get it resized, maybe.

Laura

Yeah. It's a little loose. I'll give you that. Anyway, that is it. And I think that might be it for our show.

Shanna

It is our last episode of 2022. Listeners, thank you so much for listening to our show. If you have any reflections from the year that you want to share with us, we would love to hear them. So please reach out. Laura, where can everyone find us?

Laura

We're on TikTok, Facebook, and Instagram at BFP Podcast. We have a website, bigfatpositivepodcast.com. If you want to send us an email, you can always throw a voice memo in there. We love those. Send them to contact at bigfatpositivepodcast.com. And finally, if you want to join the neatest group of people on the internet, just search Facebook for Big Fat Positive Community. It's a private group, so we want you to request to join. Answer two questions so we know you're not a robot or a troll. And if you're neither of those things, you'll get sent straight through to all the, like, enlightening, wonderful, heartwarming conversations we're having in there. It's truly a wonderful place. You should join us.

Shanna

I agree. Our show is produced by Laura Birek, Shanna Micko, and Steve Yager. Thanks for listening, everyone. Happy New Year! Happy New Year!

2022 Year in Review: Challenges, Laughs and Revelations – Ep. 234

December 26, 2022

Listen Now:

This episode's sponsors:

Tags

Episode Transcript

2022 Year in Review: Challenges, Laughs and Revelations – Ep. 234

December 26, 2022

Listen Now:

This episode's sponsors:

Whisker Litter-Robot

Once Upon a Dance

Tags

Episode Transcript