Ep. 23: You’re in the S*%t Now!

[Music]

Shanna Micko: Hi. Welcome to Big Fat Positive. On this week’s episode, we have our weekly check-ins, we have our special segment, OMG, I’m Freaking Out, and we wrap it up with our BFPs and BFNs for the week. Let’s get started.

[Music]

Shanna Micko: Hey, everybody. Welcome to the show. It’s episode 23.

Laura Birek: Welcome.

Shanna Micko: Always start with our weekly check-ins. Laura, where are you at this week?

Laura Birek: I am at week 30.

Shanna Micko: Wow.

Laura Birek: Three quarters of the way done. Maybe more. I am so determined to not go to 40 weeks. I’m just trying to get 39 weeks. It’ll happen when it happens, but I am 30 weeks now and chugging along third trimester is harder than the second trimester.

Shanna Micko: Oh, say?

Laura Birek: One thing that’s been hard for me is that I’ve been having a lot of work issues, like work deadlines and just stuff all is coming up right now, which is annoying and all I want to do is focus on pregnancy stuff and be done. But one side effect of having so much work and I’ve also had like visitors and stuff, which is cool, but it’s meant that I haven’t been able to go to prenatal yoga in weeks and weeks. So it’s been kind of weighing on my mind just because I know the more you go, the better you feel and it’s right around the corner from my house, but it’s literally like, I’d love to go to yoga, but I have a meeting that exact time every day. That’s been a bummer. I’m hoping to remedy that soon, but one fun thing I did that’s pseudo pregnancy related this week is I went to a yarn convention and I’ll tell you why it’s pregnancy related. It turns out there was a yarn convention called Stitches SoCal right in my neighborhood. It was at the Pasadena Convention Center, which is so close to me and this year, my new year’s resolution was supposedly to not buy anymore yarn or fabric and just try to use up my stash.

Shanna Micko: I remember you mentioning that.

Laura Birek: I was good until about September. In May, I found out I was pregnant and I was really good. I didn’t buy any fabric or yarn until about September, but then I realized I don’t have a lot of baby yarn. Sure, you can use any yarn you want on a baby, but ideally you want machine washable yarn, you want really soft yarn and you want special colors and it just turned out I was trying to use up my stash yarn and couldn’t find anything that really worked for babies. I didn’t have a lot of super wash, which is what you can put in the washing machine. So I decided I could go to this yarn convention, which is also, I’m a knitting designer. One of my various side hustles is that I write and publish knitting patterns for sale on the internet. I also wrote a knitting book in 2008, so it’s a legit part of my business. I knew it was a business decision to go and I did talk to a lot of people I actually met for the first time in person: one of my editors who’s published a ton of my patterns. So it was really good to go.

Shanna Micko: That’s cool.

Laura Birek: But my rule was I could buy fabric and yarn, but only if it was for the baby. That was my rule.

Shanna Micko: Sounds like a reasonable rule.

Laura Birek: It was and it turns out there’s a lot of yarn that still fits in that category, but I did it and I bought not a huge amount for me. I bought probably like 10 scans of yarn all together, maybe less.

Shanna Micko: What’s a scan? Like a ball?

Laura Birek: Oh, yeah. Sorry.

Shanna Micko: Like a fist full of yarn?

Laura Birek: A scan is another term basically for a ball. Balls of yarn are already wound up into a ball that you can pull from the center. Scans are the ones that are all twisted and you have to untwist them and ball them up yourself technically.

Shanna Micko: Balls of yarn are for cats. Scans of yarn are for fancy knitters.

Laura Birek: Yeah.

Shanna Micko: Got you.

Laura Birek: It’s fine distinction, but I bought these beautiful bulky scans of yarn. It’s Manos del Uruguay, beautiful stuff. I’ll post a picture of it, but I immediately in that night and the next day made matching his and hers and baby hats out of it.

Shanna Micko: Aww, cute.

Laura Birek: It worked out, so I’m really excited. Now I’m already cast on another project for the baby. So now it’s like all baby knitting all the time and I’m really excited about it.

Shanna Micko: That’s fun.

Laura Birek: Anyway, so that’s my week. What are you doing this week?

Shanna Micko: Getting winded very easily.

Laura Birek: Aww.

Shanna Micko: Man oh man! I’m week 34 and I guess she’s just right up on my lungs or something, but I am telling you, I have not been very active. This pregnancy, there’s been no prenatal yoga for me this time around. I’m just too busy.

Laura Birek: Except for chasing your toddler around.

Shanna Micko: That’s true. I am very active in as far as that goes. I may have mentioned this before, but I literally get winded eating a sandwich. Like, I will make a sandwich, sit down, eat it in some chips and then I’m panting. Granted I’m eating voraciously, because eating is just so wonderful this time of my life, but it’s a bit much.

Laura Birek: Got to take some breaks.

Shanna Micko: Yes, I do. I need to take breaks and deep breaths while doing my mastication exercises. Mastication is the word for chewing, right?

Laura Birek: It is. Yes.

Shanna Micko: Okay. Good. Just double check in on that one.

Laura Birek: It sounds dirtier than it.

Shanna Micko: That’s why I was second guessing myself. Anyway, so that’s one thing. Another thing, just getting more feedback from people I don’t know too well about my situation and what’s going on. For example, I went to a kid’s birthday party this weekend with my daughter and other parents making nice small talk like, “Are having a boy or girl, blah, blah?” It’s so funny, the different people’s reactions to my situation, because like, I’m having another girl and one mom was like, “Well, good luck with that. Puberty is going to be real hellish.”

Laura Birek: Like 14 years from now?

Shanna Micko: Yeah, I was like, “Cool, thanks. Fun conversation.” Then another mom was like, “Oh my God, that’s wonderful. I have a sister and I love being a sister.”

Laura Birek: That’s the right response.

Shanna Micko: That’s what I think.

Laura Birek: She wins the small talk game.

Shanna Micko: She won in making me feel happy and good about myself, but then I walked away just like man, other people’s reactions are just colored by their own experiences and I just really can’t. I got to take it all with a grain of salt and there’s nothing I can do. I’m having to girl so…

Laura Birek: What are you supposed to do? I guess we’re just going to have to raise this one as a boy.

Shanna Micko: It was just so weird and awkward.

Laura Birek: That’s so bizarre. I’m experiencing a similar thing where both of us are so pregnant now. It’s not like people don’t make comments, right?

Shanna Micko: I get comments all the time. I don’t mind. I like it actually.

Laura Birek: Me too. Actually, I was thinking about fucking with people and being like, when the checkout clerk at the grocery store was like, “When are you due?” I just kind of wanted to be like, “Huh? What do you mean?” But I don’t have the stomach for being that mean. But no, the comments. I’ve been getting a lot of like, “Is this your first baby?” I’ll be like, “Yeah,” and a lot of people are like, “How fun? That’s so great. What a wonderful time in your life.” But then there’s also the people who insist on being ominous and foreboding being like, “You have no idea what you’re getting into.” Being like, “You’re in the shit now.” It’s like, “Thanks. How is this helpful in any way?”

Shanna Micko: It’s not. It is all based on their own experience and perception and what we’re going to go through is going to be so different anyways.

Laura Birek: Everyone’s different. Also, why prime yourself to go into the situation with a lot of negativity? I know it’s not going to be a walk in the park. No one was ever like, having a baby is the easiest thing you’ll ever do. But do I have to go in being like, it’s going to be terrible, brace yourselves?

Shanna Micko: If you set your expectations real low, the real experience might seem better.

Laura Birek: That’s what I think. I don’t see why we should prime ourselves with negativity. It may suck. It may not, but why go into the situation expecting it to be terrible? I guess here’s what I’m saying. If you think it’s going to be terrible and then it’s better, you are pleasantly surprised. But I feel like if you go in thinking it’s going to be terrible, it becomes terrible. You know what I mean?

Shanna Micko: I don’t know. I have mixed feelings on all of that. I don’t know that our thoughts really completely dictate our experience, because if that’s the case, I would be dead right now because all I do is worry about dying and whatever.

Laura Birek: No, I’m not saying the outcome. Like whether I think my baby is going to sleep through the night or not doesn’t dictate whether he’s going to sleep through the night. But what I mean is my attitude towards it is all I can control going into it. So why go into it with this negativity? I don’t know. I think there’s different types of negativity, because you and I are both worriers. We can come up with all the worst case scenarios, but we’re also strangely positive. We’re happy people.

Shanna Micko: That is true.

Laura Birek: We’re happy pessimists.

Shanna Micko: I think strangers want to bring you into their own miserable experience. It makes them feel better to share with you that they had a shit experience. Maybe what we should say back to them is like, “Ooh, sounds like you had a real crappy kid or something.” That’s horrible.

Laura Birek: There’s just something condescending about it too. It’s being like, “You don’t know what you’re in for.” All right. Let me experience. It just bothers me.

Shanna Micko: I had one cashier find out I was having another girl. He was like, “Man, that’s my worst nightmare. I’m so worried I’m never going to have a boy. I don’t have kids yet, but I just know it. I’m going to have all girls.”

Laura Birek: He doesn’t have any kids. He’s already worried about this.

Shanna Micko: Yes.

Laura Birek: Oh, boy. People put so much stock into this stupid fucking gender shit.

Shanna Micko: I know.

Laura Birek: Boys and girls have a range of emotions and personalities within. Anyway, that’s getting on another topic. That’s going to make this podcast real long, so maybe we should move on. Do you have anything else this week?

Shanna Micko: Nope. That’s it.

Laura Birek: All righty.

Shanna Micko: Moving on.

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Laura Birek: Our next segment is OMG, I’m Freaking Out, where we talk about the things that are freaking us out this week in pregnancy. Shanna, what are you freaking out about this week?

Shanna Micko: Okay. When am I never freaking out about anything? It’s always a shit show in my brain, but this week I thought I would share something totally superficial, completely ridiculous that I’m even embarrassed is on my mind.

Laura Birek: Let’s hear it.

Shanna Micko: My baby is due in December. As you know, I’m always a little bit worried, am I going to go into preterm labor and give birth a little bit early? The thing that’s on my mind is if I do that, then I’m going to have a Scorpio baby. But if I can hold off until when she’s really due, I can have a Sagittarius baby and I really want a Sagittarius baby over a Scorpio baby and I don’t even 100% know why. Scorpio just sounds scary and this is no offense to you Scorpios out there, because I think some of my good friends are Scorpios.

Laura Birek: Corey is a Scorpio.

Shanna Micko: I’m sorry to offend Corey.

Laura Birek: It’s okay.

Shanna Micko: Corey’s a lovely person.

Laura Birek: He doesn’t listen to the podcast.

Shanna Micko: See, this is what I’m talking about. This is the evil Scorpio personality traits I’m trying to avoid. It did come up at a lunch I had with some people the other day, because someone had just recently had a birthday. It’s like, “I’m a Scorpio. I’m a Scorpio too,” and then they started talking about traits and I was like, they’re so stubborn. They’re just so adherent to rules and blah, blah, very stringent and all these things and I was just like, me and my husband and my daughter are all air signs. We’re Gemini, Libra and Aquarius for some reason, and I’m not even that into freaking astrology. I read some astrology books when I was in college, because I wanted to figure myself out. So I’m not like into this stuff really. But I do feel like there’s something lightness about these signs and so we’re really throwing a wrench into the mix here with this winter baby and I just felt like a Scorpio would be maybe be a little bit too rigid.

Laura Birek: When’s the cutoff, because I’m going to admit something here? I know next to nothing about astrology and I’m cool with that. So all I know Corey’s a Scorpio. I know I’m a Gemini and you’re a Gemini. Aquarius is that January?

Shanna Micko: Yeah, end of January.

Laura Birek: Okay. I could go either way either, because I’m due mid-January. I feel like maybe we should mention if this is confusing listeners who are listening to this on the 10th of December that we record ahead of time. So by the time you’re listening to this, this might have been solved. But we record ahead of time, because life gets in the way and we want to make sure we get this podcast out to you at a reasonable timeline. So when’s the switch? What day becomes Sagittarius? What do you say?

Shanna Micko: I have to hold out until November 22nd. Scorpio ends November 21st.

Laura Birek: That would be super early for you. Wouldn’t it be?

Shanna Micko: Yeah, but I mean people have preemies.

Laura Birek: It happens. You were saying IVF babies have a tendency to become a little early too.

Shanna Micko: I think they have a slight increased odds of coming a little bit early. So that’s probably why it’s on my mind, but it reminded me of a story that my former hairdresser told me when we were talking about babies one day. She’s telling me about the birth of her third child and she went to the doctor that day for her checkup and the doctor was like, “You’re dilated, your phased, your amniotic fluid’s low, whatever. You need to come to the hospital now.” She’s like, “But I need to go home and get some stuff,” and the doctor’s like, “Fine. Go home, get your stuff, come immediately to the hospital.” My hairdresser knew she was on the cusp of an astrological sign.

Laura Birek: Oh, boy.

Shanna Micko: If she waited until midnight that night, she would have the next sign, which is the one she wanted. So she went home, tinkered around, farted around. Her doctor called and was like, “Where are you?” She’s like, “I’m just getting some stuff together.” She’s like, I’ve never told anyone, but what I was really doing was holding off so I could have the next astrological sign baby. I never forgot that. I thought this is so crazy and hilarious and I would never go that far.

Laura Birek: Got it.

Shanna Micko: Who knows?

Laura Birek: I hope so. As a nonbeliever, I would say you’re fine either way.

Shanna Micko: Either way, it’s going to be fine.

Laura Birek: Also, was it in the news that they reconfigured the dates or something because the starts weren’t aligned?

Shanna Micko: I can’t hear that, because in my whole life I’ve identified would be in a Gemini and if that shifts me into Taurus zone, I’m going to lose my shit. That’s just not me. If any of our listeners are experienced with this stuff, let us know.

Laura Birek: I’m talking out of ass my completely.

Shanna Micko: Me too.

Laura Birek: But wouldn’t that shift you into another one, because Taurus comes before Gemini. I know because I’m on the cusp. This is all I know. My birthday’s May 22nd and so I’m like Taurus, Gemini cusp.

Shanna Micko: You are. I’m on the Cancer, Gemini cusp, but I don’t want to be a cancer either. I just I’m into Gemini. I like it.

Laura Birek: I will say I have so many friends who have birthdays right around yours and I’ve always wondered if there was some Gemini duality about that, because my best friend growing up was June 20th. Literally on the day of your birthday, there’s like five other people listed on my calendar with birthdays.

Shanna Micko: That’s wild.

Laura Birek: It’s weird. We’re a star cross podcast host friends.

Shanna Micko: Stars in the stars. Anyway, that’s my silly freak out. What about you? What are you freaking out about this week?

Laura Birek: All right. We were talking about going in with positivity and not being negative and thinking about all the worst case scenarios. This is the time where I admit that I of course always think of all the worst case scenarios. People have maybe a lot accuse me of being a hypochondriac. I don’t like being called a hypochondriac. I just like knowing that I’m body aware.

Shanna Micko: That’s a nice way of putting it.

Laura Birek: So this is a new extension. I’m freaking out about kick counts. Do you do kick counts?

Shanna Micko: No, I don’t.

Laura Birek: Okay.

Shanna Micko: Did your doctor instruct you to do that, or you just took it upon yourself?

Laura Birek: I had read about it, so I decided to take it upon myself. They say you should start at 28 weeks, but I didn’t start until this week and I read about it and it said, you should be able to feel 10 kicks within two hours and you should do the morning and night, which by the way, I have not done. Like in the morning, I just don’t think about it. But before I go to bed, I’ll be like, okay, I’ll do a kick count and I got an app, of course. You have to have an app for it. It’s called Full Term. It’s also going to be useful. Apparently, it’s like a contraction timer, and all that shit.

Shanna Micko: That’s cool.

Laura Birek: But what I’m freaking out about is my doctor, every time I see him now, he’s like, “You should be feeling movement all day every day and if you don’t, let me know.” It’s like, great. That’s something to freak out about, because I’ll be going about my business and then I’ll be like, when’s the last time I felt the baby kick? I don’t know. I haven’t been paying attention and I get all freaked out, the baby’s definitely dead in there. 

He’s not kicking and then I go to do a kick count. You’re supposed to get 10 kicks in two hours and I get like 10 kicks in 15 minutes and even then, I’m being really conservative about what I’m counting as a kick, because I’m like, that was kind of the same kick like cycle. I’ll feel like three kicks in a row. I’m like, that’s one because it’s all at the same time. So clearly he’s moving plenty and it’s not a problem, but multiple times throughout the day, I’m like, oh God, when’s the last time I felt him kick? I haven’t felt him kick. So it’s just like another great thing to add to my paranoia unfounded.

Shanna Micko: Absolutely, it can be very stressful and I think that’s why I’ve tried not to focus on it too much, because I just have noticed patterns. Like if I’m busy moving around doing things, I don’t feel her as much and then I’ll be like, I haven’t felt her turn a while and it’s like, a) I’m distracted and I’m not really paying attention and b) I think a lot of my physical movement lulls her to sleep.

Laura Birek: That’s what they say.

Shanna Micko: They sleep a ton in there, so I don’t know that you really should be feeling them all day every day, because they are resting a lot of the time.

Laura Birek: I think what he means by that is you should feel them throughout the day not like constantly. You should feel them a little bit in the morning, a little bit in the night, you know what I mean? But I hear all day and then I’m like, shit. This baby’s dead now.

Shanna Micko: I know it’s freaky.

Laura Birek: Then, of course, he’ll kick me in a very uncomfortable way. One of his favorite things to do is to shift just as I’m falling asleep, just as I’m really getting comfortable, which is getting harder every week to get comfortable in bed. I’ll be just in that state where you’re about to fall asleep, he’ll shift in a way that contracts my stomach and makes me almost throw up.

Shanna Micko: Whoa!

Laura Birek: He pushes all my stomach and I have to sit up straight in bed, because I already have pretty bad reflux, but I have to sit up straight in bed because I’m like, you’re just trying to make me throw up now. This is great. He’s clearly moving. Anyway, so that’s a fun freak out. I try to remind myself, it’s fine. But I will say the kick count app really does help, because if you’re just like, I’m scared what’s going on? You can just lie down and actually focusing on it, because I think there’s a lot of little movements I’m so used to now. I’m just like, he’s moving. But to me, it’s part of my body now. So I’m just like, okay. But you lie down and then you’re like, there’s an elbow scraping across. There’s like a little flip. It’s all there.

Shanna Micko: Cool. We should share that out with everyone.

Laura Birek: I will put a link in our show notes on bigfatpositivepodcast.com.

Shanna Micko: Cool.

[Music]

Shanna Micko: Finally, we’re going to wrap it up with this week’s BFPs and BFNs. Laura, what do you have for us?

Laura Birek: I have a BFP.

Shanna Micko: Woo-woo!

Laura Birek: I’m very excited about this. I love this BFP. I have been so excited to share it, because it has revolutionized my life and I can’t wait to share it with all of you and you might all already have one, because I’ve realized that I’m a little behind the times on this. But my BFP is Hydro Flask bottles. Do you have a Hydro Flask bottle?

Shanna Micko: No, I don’t know what that is. Is that a water bottle?

Laura Birek: It’s like a water bottle thermos, but they come in cute colors and I got one gifted actually by my sister-in-law Angela for Christmas last year and it was in our cabinet and I hadn’t used it and then I found it and I was like, water bottle. The one I have, I have it with me all the time. That’s it clicking. It is a 32 ounce wide mouth Hydro Flask. So it’s like a thermos. It insulates really, really well, so it keeps water hot or cold and the wide mouth means you can actually put ice in it.

Shanna Micko: Love that.

Laura Birek: I can’t drink enough water these days. I don’t know about you. I’m just chugging water and I was having a glass of ice water by my bed at night and it would be gone by 3:00 a.m., because I keep waking up and feeling thirsty. So I started using this and then also in the morning, I need to take my medicines. I have hypo-thyroids, so I have to take thyroid medicine first thing in the morning on an empty stomach and my water would be gone or it’d be like lukewarm or room temperature or it’s kind of gross. So I started using the Hydro Flask with ice in it and it’s amazing. Even without the lid on, it keeps icing it for 24 hours. It stays ice cold. What you just heard it was actually ice I put in it last night before bed.

Shanna Micko: That’s awesome.

Laura Birek: I love it. I’m so into it and you can apparently get bigger ones or smaller ones. There’s a cup you can get. I’m going to look into the whole line because I’m obsessed now, but I can’t go anywhere without it now. If I leave the house and I forgot my water bottle, I’m so sad. So I highly recommend it and it does hot stuff too. I guess if you’re really into hot coffee, hot tea, it’ll stay hot all day. Love it. That’s my BFP.

Shanna Micko: Sounds exciting.

Laura Birek: Real hard hitting news here, but I love it. What about you? 

What do you got this week?

Shanna Micko: I have a BFP also.

Laura Birek: Good.

Shanna Micko: That is my husband, Steve.

Laura Birek: Aww, we all love Steve.

Shanna Micko: I know. He’s just a wonderful person in general, but for a very specific reason, he makes the BFP list this week, because Sunday night at 8:30, 9:00 p.m., our daughter’s in bed and I just had the most intense craving for an ice cream sundae. I just had every piece of this sundae in my mind. I needed Cookies and Cream ice cream, hot fudge and Cool Whip. I am crazy about Cool Whip and can’t come out of one of those cans. I like that tub.

Laura Birek: You got to have the tub. You got to scoop it.

Shanna Micko: Love it. I was just like, “Would you want to maybe go get me those ingredients from the store?” He did. He left the house at night and went to the store and got me that, and it was just amazing when you have such an intense craving for something and then you get it and you get to eat it and granted I got very winded while eating it but it was just worth it. It hit the spot and I just thought it was so sweet that he ran out and got that for me.

Laura Birek: That is so sweet. That’s like A+ husbanding right there.

Shanna Micko: It’s not like medicine or something I needed really bad. It’s just something I wanted and he just did that for me.

Laura Birek: I bet he did it like without complaint or stuff.

Shanna Micko: Of course.

Laura Birek: That’s awesome. More proof that he’s a great guy.

Shanna Micko: He is a good guy and also the BFP is the sundae too. Pregnant ladies, go make yourself a sundae!

Laura Birek: I love ice cream right now. Loving ice cream. I actually bought chocolate syrup for the first time I think my adult life.

Shanna Micko: That is so funny, because I never buy hot fudge to bring home and put on stuff ever. It was just like, I need it.

Laura Birek: Now my husband has been like, “Can I have some?” I’m like, “Absolutely, together we share. If you eat the last bit, it’s your fine.” Good job, Steve. I’m so proud of you. We have to say, Steve is an excellent podcast co-producer with us and he does great work helping us get this podcast out every week.

Shanna Micko: Indeed.

Laura Birek: He’s got a BFP for me too.

Shanna Micko: Aww.

Laura Birek: Is that our show?

Shanna Micko: That’s it.

Laura Birek: Woo-woo!

Shanna Micko: Yay! Thank you everyone for listening. If you have anything you want to share with us or any questions, we would love to hear from you. Laura, where can they find us?

Laura Birek: We are on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at BFP Podcast. We also have a website, bigfatpositivepodcast.com. If you go to Facebook, you can join our community, Big Fat Positive, a pregnancy journey podcast community where you can chat with other listeners about topics you’ve heard on the show.

Shanna Micko: Big Fat Positive is produced by Shanna Micko, Laura Birek and Steve Yager.

Laura Birek: Thanks for listening.

Shanna Micko: Bye.

[Music]