When You See Yourself in Your Kid – Ep. 221
September 26, 2022
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Laura reports on her toddler’s recent language explosion and creative ability to delay nap time, and Shanna discusses the ways she is seeing herself in her three-year-old. Also, in the special segment “Gripe Water,” they dive into the topics of pernicious packaging, men making fun of moms and more! Finally, they share their BFPs and BFNs for the week. Shanna’s kids are 3.5 and 6 years old, and Laura’s kids are 3.5 years old and 18 months old.
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Episode Transcript
Shanna
Hi, welcome to Big Fat Positive with Shanna and Laura. On this week's episode, we have our weekly check-ins. We have our special segment, Gripe Water, where we talk about massive messes and mocking men. And we wrap it up with our weekly BFPs and BFNs. Let's get started. Hey everyone, welcome to episode 221. Hey Laura. Hi Shanna. What's crackleacking in your house this week? Give us your updates.
Laura
All right. So let's start with Augie, the three and a half year old. We've gone through like a whole saga with his sleep, right? We've, you know, he used to be really well sleep trained. And then he went through a phase where he was just like taking like two hours to go to sleep at night. And then we did the Dr. Becky sleep course. And he was like back on track. And that's been like a couple of months now, right? He's been back on track and it's been awesome. Right. But this week, Corey and I realized that he is getting wise to us, and he is starting to creep back in with the requests and delays at bedtime. Oh no, shut it down, Laura, shut it down. Yes, that's the plan. So last week, I talked about the major meltdown he had where he wanted Corey instead of me at bedtime.
Well, I realized that that was like a symptom, a very severe symptom of sort of this overall thing, which is that he wants bed times to be longer again. And like, you know, Corey would play with him while they were waiting for me. So he was like, you know, he knew that he could maybe like get more time out of Corey. And I wasn't She wasn't playing though. I was just literally not willing to play with him. I was like, we read our books and we sing our songs, then we go to bed. But yeah, he's getting clever. He's like asking for snacks, suddenly needing to potty for the third time. doing all the classic moves. Like wanting one more book. So now that we've recognized it and we've noticed the like creeping bedtime routine, we're gonna like nip that thing in the bud, I think. So we gotta get back on track with that because I want my evenings free.
Shanna
Yes, it's a little insidious how the bedtimes can creep back because you know, things are going great. And it's just like, oh, one more book. And it's like, okay, he's been doing so well. You know one more book can't hurt and then so you know that's one thing and then there's the next thing and it just like a week later you're like oh dang this is pushed back like an hour.
Laura
Yes he does this really cute thing like the last thing we do is we do two songs and then I say his little mantra. And then he like, you know, he can either read by himself and I come back and check on him or he just goes to bed. And he does this like amazingly adorable thing that's very hard to resist where I'll sing my two songs and I'll be like, okay, that's it. You know, and start to say his mantra and he goes, no, no, no, this many song. Then he holds up three little fingers.
Shanna
Oh, so cute. And then you're like, oh, a request for an encore of my singing voice?
Laura
Well, yes, sir. I know. And this is how he gets me. Yep. And then he'll ask for like the long songs. Like he'll be like, no, do country roads. Do American pie.
That's hilarious. When I was like a 12 or 13, I decided I wanted to memorize that whole song and I did. I remember that was like my big accomplishment for a summer.
Shanna
Oh, good for you. Whenever you go out for karaoke and someone sings that song, you're like, all right, we're in it for seven plus minutes.
Laura
Here we go. Hope Johnny can sing. I'm wondering if maybe some of our younger listeners don't know who Don McLean is and his epic classic rock anthem about the day the music died.
Shanna
Maybe not. Maybe not. Go karaoke at your local bar. Someone for sure will be singing it because they want the opportunity to showcase their voice for seven full minutes, I guarantee.
Laura
But anyway, okay. So that's what's going on with Aki. No solutions yet, except for I know the path. The path is just to be more strict about it. So we're going to do that. I'll report back. Gotcha. Now, Sebastian, the 18 month old, this kid is having like some kind of language explosion or cognitive leap or something. But it's paired with severe separation anxiety, which I think I've talked about a little bit already. But the combo of those two things is just fucking up his brain, right? Like this kid doesn't know what's what. And it's of course messing with his sleep, but like what's new with him, right? Mm-hmm. It's like, you know, they say that when a kid, when a baby especially and a young toddler learns like a new skill, it messes with their sleep because they like want to practice it, right? Oh, right. Mm-hmm.
So what I've noticed is that like trying to put him down for naps right now is taking fucking forever. Because instead of just like putting his head down on my shoulder and letting me rock him till he's like drowsy. This is what used to happen head on shoulder rock until he's drowsy and then he would like voluntarily turn his whole body to like be put down in the crib. He'd be like, okay, I'm ready. And that's what we would do instead. He puts his head down and then he starts going.
And then looking at me and smiling and I'm like, you know, he puts his head back down and they go, but he's getting really into singing. So here I'm like, oh, he doesn't have the words like he isn't as articulate as Augie was at this age, but he is very like musical. So he's just going like that.
Like perfectly on pitch, like and you know what you're trying to do. The problem is that he is now requesting songs. Talk about like long bedtime song routines and karaoke. The kid like, you know, I'll be like, okay, it's time. I'm gonna sing her songs and I'll start singing twinkle twinkle and he'll pop his head up for my shoulder and go, no, no. And he does like the more sign. And I'm like, you want a different song? And he nods his head. He still says no for yes, but he nods when he does it. So he's like, no. And nodding his head, no. And doing more. And then I'll be like, okay, do you want, you are my sunshine? No, no. Do you want, uh, do you want baby beluga? No, no. And then he's going like, bah, bah, bah. And then he'll go, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. And I'm like, what the fuck? What do you want? I'm losing my mind because I just want to be done, right?
And there's like probably stuff to do in the house if it's nap time. And then I'm like, do you want bucket truck? And he goes, no. But in the way that means yes. And I start singing, picking up a bucket truck immediately puts this out of my shoulder. But it's a problem because, like, taking requests from an 18-month-old who can't really talk is just so frustrating for both of us. Oh, the run around. Oh, my gosh. One time it was wheels on the bus, and I finally figured it out because he, like, opened his arms really wide and, like, closed them. I was like, oh, open and shut. Oh, the doors on the bus go open and shut and he's like, no, nodding vigorously. No. I was like, okay, that's what you.
No wonder it takes so long to get him down forever. And like maybe he and Augie are like comparing notes or something. It's so weird. But yeah, it's definitely related to this language leap that's happening. And it's interesting because I feel like with Augie, I saw the language leap very, it was very like, I don't know. What I expected it to be you know it was like he has a new word every day or whatever multiple words a day and like they're understandable. But with Sebastian it's different like I'm hearing these like really musical lyrical like babblings he's doing that are way more complex but like I don't understand at all what he's trying to say. Yeah, but like it's definitely a big change in how he's communicating.
Shanna
So that's cool. Does he get frustrated when you don't understand? Because I remember that was such a challenge with CeCe. Like she was trying to say things. I didn't know what she was saying and then she's got a bit of a short fuse and would just get so mad.
Laura
Yeah, he gets frustrated. The time that it's most obvious is when we are like scrolling Netflix, looking for something to watch, and it's supposed to be for Augie, right? Like, I'm supposed to be, he's like, I want to watch something. And I'm like, OK, he's very picky. He's like, not that, not that. But of course, he knows what all the icons mean now. Like, he's got a crazy memory for those TV show icons. Like, let me tell you. But Sebastian is now starting to like have opinions. And if he sees something he wants and he can't tell me, because like it's hard to say, which, you know, square to go to. And if I scroll past it, oh boy, oh boy. No! He, like, balls his fists up. He's like, no!
Shanna
Oh, God. The emotional tumult that Netflix is, like, putting on our children is just, it's just beyond. I mean, there's so many emotions that come around Netflix. Yeah, these poor kids.
Laura
And, like, the fact that one wants to watch one thing and the other doesn't, like, it's a whole thing. I will say, though, that recently we picked a show on Netflix, probably Gabby's Dollhouse, and the Netflix, like, sound came on, the, like, dun-dun, right, or whatever it is. And Augie goes, ah, I like that sound.
Shanna
Oh, my gosh.
Laura
And it was like, kid, there are some executives at Netflix that would be very happy to hear you say that.
Shanna
Oh, yes. A lot of work probably went into creating that sound, so.
Laura
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. So anyway, that's what's going on at our house. Lots of bedtime delays and leaps for better or worse. So, Shanna, I want to hear what's going on at your house, what kind of Netflix you guys are watching.
Shanna
Oh, they're not even on Netflix anymore. It's all about YouTube. Oh boy. But I'm not here to talk about YouTube this week. I have a couple updates. Okay. The first is about Elle. So, you know, I signed her up for softball and she did her little tryout evaluations and everything. Well, we found out her team. She got drafted on a team. Which is very exciting. And we went to the first team meeting and the girls picked their team name. Their color is pink and their team name is the pink Panthers. Oh, that's cute. Isn't that cute? And the coach is like, all right, tell me what number and what nickname your girls want on the back of their jerseys. And so I was like, I wonder if Elle will want her full name or her nickname or what she'll want. And so I was like, what do you want on your jersey? She's like, Cobra.
I'm like, what number do you want to be? She's like, one. I'm like, oh my god. Oh my god. It's so funny. So her jersey is going to be one and she's going to be Cobra. That's amazing.
Laura
Where does she come up with that? Where is Oprah in her mind?
Shanna
She's been obsessed with venomous snakes lately. She's kind of a fierce kid. She's really been into dangerous big cats for a long time, and now it's kind of transitioning into dangerous big snakes. I don't know. She just loves talking about cobras and stuff. Actually, she wanted it to be very specific. She's like, can it be sawtooth cobra? I'm like, no. Let's just stick with the cobra. I don't know. I don't know. Wild crats, probably.
Laura
Too many characters.
Shanna
Yeah. So anyway, the big news on my front with this is that I have volunteered to be the team mom. Color me shocked.
Laura
Color me just so surprised.
Shanna
I love it. I'm already into it. We went to our practice and I'm like, you know, talking to all parents and like, I'm the team mom and I'm like organizing payments for the girl's penance and hanging out in the dugout during practice, which is also a little tricky because I have to keep my eye on CeCe who loves playing around in the dugout and she loves being in practice and also watch L. It's just fun. I mean, I love being a part of it and we'll see how much responsibility that's going to add to my plate, but I'm digging it. I'm really into it so far.
Laura
Five dollars by the end of the season, you're like an assistant coach.
Shanna
I know the other day at practice, I was realizing that half the girls don't even know what the fuck's going on out there. Like, Elle especially, right? She's never played softball. She doesn't know what I signed her up for. And the coaches are like these dudes, they're wonderful. But they've been coaching for a long time, like older kids and stuff. And they're like, run to second, run to second. Elle's just like, what is second? Like she doesn't even know or like where to run. I'm like, these girls need like a very basic step by step. Like here's what softball is. Here's what a base is. Steve's like, maybe you should coach. I'm like, I should totally coach, man. I know how to deal with these little girls. So I don't know, maybe when Cece plays next year when she's four, I'll get in there in the nitty gritty and do the coaching too. But we'll see, we'll see.
I'm easing in this year by being team mom. I think that's smart.
Laura
I think that's good. I mean, you do have to watch Cece too. But I also think you're right. i think it's easy to forget what the you hear about teaching fundamentals like literally vocabulary to teach and i think that a lot of not to stereotype a lot of like sporty dudes forget that you're not just like born with the understanding of what a base is.
Yes.
Laura
I wasn't. That was my problem. I was the kid when they were like, run to first. I was like, what the fuck is a first? Like, I don't know.
Shanna
Exactly. What direction is it? Do I carry the bat? Who knows? You know, like the first time Al ran to first, she's like carrying her bat, like, jogging with her bat all the way down. And everyone's like, drop the bat, drop the bat. And then she feels like she did something wrong.
Laura
And I had that exact experience. I remember so clearly not dropping the bat and everyone making fun of me for it. And I was like, I don't... You just have to tell me. Like, I followed direction very well, but like no one informed me. Like, I'm just supposed to know all this stuff? Yep.
Shanna
It's still like that. I'm really seeing that. Some of the girls on her team have experience. They know what's going on, but then her and a few other girls, there's a four-year-old on the team. Oh, God, she has no idea what's going on. Oh, yeah. So I think some basics would be good. And I need to sit down with Elle and kind of walk her through some of it, too, because I can tell that she's feeling stupid sometimes when she does things wrong, but it's because she doesn't know. She'll get more comfortable, but yeah, so that's what I would do if I were coach, which is what every parent says, right? If I were coach, it's like, we'll get your ass out there and coach then.
Laura
Not every parent. My parents never had that thought. Never once would they like, maybe I should coach now.
Shanna
Okay, so not everyone. Anyway, so that's that update. My second update is CECE-focused. CECE-centric, if you will. CECE-centric. We've talked about before on the show how one of the causes of her meltdowns is she has very strong reactions to things not going her way, things that are unexpected in what her brain has decided is going to happen, right? Yeah. And yes. And oftentimes I'm like, oh my gosh, why is she like this? Why is she so sensitive and overreacting to these kinds of things? The other day, I'm very hungry for lunch, like extremely hungry. I'm in a rush. I've got a meeting coming up. I'm trying to make some food really quick because I'm starving. And I'm getting my stuff out of the refrigerator. And I have a full, like a venti-sized iced coffee sitting in the refrigerator that I was saving for later.
And I knock it down and the entire, whatever, 32 ounces or whatever that shit is just like just goes everywhere. And I'm like, no! No! God damn it! I wanted to eat. I'm so hungry. I did not, I'm like saying this out loud. Like I did not want to clean up coffee right now. This is not part of the plan. And Steve is there and he's like, honey, you know what? I'll clean the coffee for you. And I'm like, okay. He's like, you just eat. I'm like, okay. And I'm like, oh my God. Now I know where CeCe gets it. Now I know. Where she gets it like I fall on pulled a CECE in my mind I was gonna make my food sit down eat my lunch go to my meeting and go about my day that coffee spilling through such a huge unexpected wrench in my plan and I flew off the fucking handle Laura I like lost it and I was like oh my god I for the first time, maybe, maybe not.
I'm seeing myself in Sisi, like I'm seeing evidence of my personality in her and I'm just like, oh my God, I get it now it all makes sense. So I just, I had to share that revelation.
Laura
Well, especially when you're hungry, because being hungry and tired and all that stuff takes away those frontal lobe protections we have. The adultness where we're like, okay, our coffee spilled, no big deal. When you're starving and tired and stressed, those are gone, and you just turn right back into a toddler preschooler.
Shanna
Oh, I had such a toddler moment. It was so embarrassing. And then he was like, I'll clean it up. And I'm like, oh, my God, you're the sweetest. Thank you. OK, go for it.
Laura
I love that Steve Wright parented you. He's like, he's like, oh, Shanna, you're having a hard time, huh? You really didn't like it when your venti iced coffee fell. Yeah, it's OK, honey. It's OK to feel sad. Why don't you eat your breakfast? I'll clean it up.
Shanna
I gotta say, it felt good to be dealt with that way. It really did. I bet it did. It's out of, Shanna, oh my god, you made such a mess or whatever he could have said, which obviously he wouldn't say that, but you know, that's the alternative. And then, so I'm like looking out for other ways that I'm seeing myself and my child. And another great one. The other day I was cleaning up the portion of our family room that's like the play area and it has become a disaster. I mean, just toys everywhere. And I'm like, you know, screw this, we need to clean it up. And I'm also purging as we go through. And so I told the girls what we were doing and I'm like, CECE, we're going to go through and like any toys that you don't want that you want to pass on to someone else, put in this laundry basket. We'll give them away. She's like, okay. And she goes and picks up the pooping flamingo immediately.
She's like, this, I'm bored of this. And she puts it in. And then she goes and finds something else. She's like, this, I don't like this. I'm bored of this. And I was just like, excuse me. Where is the screaming attachment to objects that I see in L? I mean, L cannot even get rid of one single thing, right? Without being like, no. Cece's just walking around. I'm like, what about this barn? It's like a pretty nice barn, like Melissa and Doug, wooden barn. They haven't played with it forever. I'm like, what about the barn? Elle's like, no, the barn. And Cici's like, yeah, that barn. I'm bored of that barn. And I'm like, that's me. That is so me, right? I hate clutter. I will get rid of anything. I don't give a crap. Get rid of it. I'm like, oh my god, I passed on the decluttering trait to my daughter. And I just said, I felt pretty happy about that one.
Laura
That's wonderful. I feel like Elle's attachment to objects might come from Steve.
Shanna
Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Steve likes to hold on to things. He's more sentimental about stuff. I'm just, yeah, all about, get rid of it.
Laura
Goodbye. He served his purpose. Steve sees a lot of like potential in things, I think, you know, like he loves a project. I mean, so do we. But like, I think for us, I'm on the same, like, just get rid of it page. I'm like, if I haven't touched it in a while, like whatever, someone else can get use out of it. No clutter. But like Steve is like, but we could turn it into something. It could be great, you know.
Shanna
That's so true. He's been going to thrift stores lately and enjoying the the hunt for treasures and he brought home some speaker, this giant speaker from the 80s. I'm just like, what is this? He's like, well, I looked inside and there's like this thing and this foam and I can do, I can replace it. And I'm like, you really can see through to the, the treasure of something. I'm just like trash. I feel like such a bitch sometimes in that way, but you know, I appreciate his ability to see the gems. It's a good balance. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So yeah, seeing myself and my child and volunteering as team mom, those are my check-ins this week.
Laura
That's great. I just wanted to add real quick that the way I see myself and my kids is like I actually hear myself and my kids at like the most random times I'll just be by myself as an adult doing something. And I will say a word or phrase exactly like the kids. And I'm like, oh. Like, for example, Sebastian says no in a really like specific way. He goes, no, no, like high to low. It's super cute. And I just thought it was a cute like, you know, trade of his. And then the other day I was talking to Siri. I was driving and I got a text message and Siri was like, would you like to respond to this text message? And I was like, no.
Shanna
Like, oh, that's where he gets it. Yeah, it's funny. Cece's been doing this little, like, half chuckle. I can't even explain it. It's just like... And I'm like, oh my God, that's cute. Where did you get that? And then, like, I realize I do that to her all the time. Like, when I'm not fully laughing at something she's saying, but she's like, Mama, look at that. That's cute. I'm like, oh, that's cute. And I'm like, oh, that's where. OK, all right. It's not as cute when I do it, obviously. It's adorable. Well, thanks. Anyway, shall we move on to our special segment?
Laura
Yes, let's do it.
All right, we are back in our special segment this week is gripe water where we give ourselves permission to complain because we don't do that in any other segments ever. But this is explicitly about complaining about things that are bugging us. And it's just an opportunity to get it off our chests in front of y'all. So Shanna, what are you here to complain about?
Shanna
I took a deep breath so I could get ready. All right, well, let me start with this. We have been receiving some big boxes, packages lately, you know, like we got a new dishwasher, like some patio furniture, some just like big things that need to be packaged safely in boxes. Do you have any guesses what my gripe might be about this?
Laura
Well, I can think of a number of gripes related to big boxes. I feel like this diaphragm inside is a real pain in the ass. Ding-fucking-dong.
Shanna
Dog, styrofoam can go straight to hell. And you know, I know they're like, I think they're trying to make it better by molding it. So it's like a one big piece. And you think, oh my God, like my kid can play with that. No, they can't because it breaks away into 10 million little fucking balls of styrofoam that go everywhere. And the kids love the styrofoam. I am so anxious and uptight about styrofoam now, like the second we open a package and I see styrofoam, I'm like, Steve, get the styrofoam out of the house now. Because if they get ahold of it, they love to stomp it, smash it, break it. It goes everywhere. And then you get your like little dust buster, right? And like, oh, I'll just vacuum this up. No, it's not that easy because one side vacuums it up while the exhaust part of the handheld vacuum blows the styrofoam balls all over the place.
And so now you're just like running around chasing styrofoam balls with your handheld vacuum. You haven't even brought up the static cling. Oh. Oh, okay. Getting there. And you're like, let me go empty my Dyson of all of these static balls into the trash can. That will be easy. No, it isn't. You open up your trash can, then you open up your Dyson to empty all the little balls into the trash can. And the static cling is like, fuck you. And these little balls go flying everywhere, all over wherever they're static. So now they're flying all over your kitchen, some are in the trash, some are on top of the trash. Then your automatic trash can closes and then the little balls are falling all over the top of your trash can. And then you have to vacuum them again. And then they start blowing from the exhaust again. And you are just like ready to die at this point.
Laura
And the little balls may get so that your trash can doesn't close all the way so then your kitchen stinks. It's just the worst. It's the worst. We had a lot of that obviously during the renovation and just disposing of it is a pain in the ass too because you can't fit it in your trash bins. So you have to break it apart. And then as you mentioned, all the little styrofoam pellets, terrible for the environment, terrible. I'm with you with styrofoam. I was gonna say like big boxes are hard to dispose of, but when you have small kids, they're like the best things to play with. They become forts and whatnot. But yeah, I'm with you on hating styrofoam. Big time, big time.
Shanna
So I feel better that I've talked about that. I'm sorry I showed so much anger toward it. I hope I didn't infuse too much negativity into anyone's day. The segment is called gripe water.
Laura
It's specifically to complain about things. I think you infuse just the right amount of anger.
Shanna
I've learned though, I've learned though, when we did get our dishwasher, I immediately disposed of this Styrofoam before the kids could get ahold of it. I just shoved it all in a giant black contractor's trash bag and tied it up and was like, done and done. So I've learned my lesson.
Laura
At least your kids are old enough to not try to eat it. Like my problem with it is that Sebastian will try to eat it, which can't be good. No.
Shanna
No.
Laura
Yeah.
Shanna
Yeah. Not good. Anyway. Okay. So what about you? Do you have a gripe water for us?
Laura
I do. I do. All right. My gripe water is men pretending to be moms and mocking them in comedy videos.
Shanna
Oh, they can go straight to hell with the styrofoam balls.
Laura
Exactly. They could be covered in styrofoam balls and get them in their beards.
Okay.
Shanna
Get them in their beards.
That sounds aggravating for them and I like it.
Laura
So I love a good comedy video that like ribs moms buy moms. Like I love the person on TikTok and Instagram who goes by really very crunchy who really just like posts some really funny extreme videos on like the extreme crunchy parent like Oh, I haven't seen this. I need to see this. Oh, you haven't? Okay, wait, wait, I gotta send you one real quick.
Speaker 1
Okay. Okay, boys, my nightmare has been realized and we've been invited to a birthday party. There are going to be some temptations there. But remember, food dye is really just for looking at. It is not good for your body. So we're taking extra ripe bananas. They're extra sweet. This will be your treat, okay? We're gonna bring our own drinks. We have burkey water. Now remember, if Bobby bites you again, he was sleep trained, so we have to give him a little bit of slack.
Laura
Okay. She's funny. I like her. Okay. And you know, there's apparently like a whole conspiracy about her. Like, who is she? Is she really actually crunchy? Like, what's her? what's her deal like apparently there's because she's super popular. So people are trying to figure out like whether she's like making fun of crunchy moms or if she is herself a crunchy mom. Anyway, but I digress. She's fine. I feel like, you know, when you're making fun of your own group, it's one thing. But I keep getting served these videos on Facebook because as we all know, TikTok is great. Instagram reels fine. And then Facebook, for whatever reason, takes like the worst of the Instagram reels and feeds it to you like the absolute garbage. on your Facebook page. Yeah. It has no idea who you are for some reason and wants you to watch crap. And so I keep getting served this crap.
Like one of them is, I think my gripe maybe is like Facebook Reels actually. Because like one genre of crap I keep getting are like clearly extremely fake gender reveal videos like that are just there to get ad views. They're like 20 minutes long and they have all these like fake uh like contraptions to try to like show you if it's a boy or girl but then every time they like try to get it revealed it's something else or like there's a woman who has like instructions written on her body it's like look on my shoulder now look on my back now cut my shirt open now do this and like they're all clearly not actually pregnant people like it's all just fake okay Oh, man. Grape. But this specifically really just set me off, which is I sent you the video. It's this dude and it's titled Millennial Moms.
Shanna
Okay. Right.
Laura
And this guy, he has a beard and he's like dressed in a fedora or something. And he's making fun of what he thinks millennial moms are like. Probably all based on stereotypes, right? 100% based on stereotypes. It's like the very watered down poorly researched version of this really crunchy mom thing. Mm-hmm, and it's a little different because he's like making fun of how they're like they're ignoring their kids because they have to post on their you know Instagram page and That their kids don't eat sugar and that we don't do cow's milk because it makes them competitive. It's sports. It's like one stupid joke in there And the fact that it's not funny is one thing the fact that it's full of stereotypes is another thing I But the fact that it's a man doing this fucking pissed me off so bad because it's not just some random video that got no likes.
It was posted by some big account and I see that it's got 24,000 comments and 9.7 million views. What? Yeah, 9.7 million views. Ugh.
And people are laughing at it, you know, like people are not, you know, obviously people aren't sitting around taking it too seriously. And that's fine. Like you have better things to do with your life. But for me, I don't have better things to do with my life other than get pissed off about this. And yeah, this guy can go straight to hell, like make fun of millennial dads. Exactly. But this just felt really, it felt really mean and it felt really shamy, right? Like it's all about how self involved and Like on like how like there's this whole thing in the end about how like I made my mom move in next door so she could help with the nanny or whatever it's like this bullshit about like how moms are not involved and how we have you know having a nanny. And having help from your mom is supposed to be some kind of like snotty privilege thing.
And it is obviously having a very privileged thing, but like having help from your community should not be some kind of like thing we make fun of, right?
So anyway, as you can tell, I'm getting all worked up about it because it's this bullshit that is anti-woman, anti-feminist. We think we're being cute and it's just a funny laugh, but it's not. It's contributing to this culture where moms feel a lot of shame about everything they do. It makes a lot of fun of, oh, we don't do discipline in our house, which I think it's hinting at gentle parenting. But of course, this guy, Hasn't done enough research to know that like gentle parenting is a term right yeah like he's not in touch enough to actually know how to make fun of the thing he's making fun of. So he's just like we don't do discipline we talk about our problems and blah blah blah and it's just like no fuck you dude like I guarantee you're not there during the tantrums first I don't even know if this guy has kids. That's what I was gonna ask, is he even a dad?
I don't know, I don't know who this guy is, do you?
Shanna
No, I've never seen him.
Laura
Yeah, I have no idea who this guy is. Here's the thing, I think we've gotten to a point with comedy where we know that like mocking other groups is not okay, right? Like we know that racial stereotypes are hurtful, right? We know that there's a lot of ways we can be like, you know, racial and national stereotypes very hurtful, right? We thankfully have moved past that for the most part where like white comics are not doing like comedy based on making fun of people from all other cultures. Great. Love it. That is good. Can we maybe extend that to women and moms?
Shanna
Right.
Laura
It's not okay for these men to be like making fun of us when they have no idea what we fucking go through. Like not a clue. I fully anticipate having a video mocking this on the internet at some point. Yes, if we do that, we'll be big enough that someone will be mocking us. But like, you know, like, oh, bitches be angry. Take a chill pill. But yeah, I'm not going to take a chill pill. No chill pills. It's not making fun of us.
Shanna
And it annoys me that It's like because it comes from this white male comedian like it adds more credibility to his comedy or something and people like share it more and like if I don't know if a woman did that it wouldn't be getting the shares and the views like he's acting like a mom and that's funny and whatever.
Laura
1,000%. Yes, I absolutely agree. And it's because this idea that like women aren't funny is still floating out there. I shit you not like six years ago, I want to say five, six years ago. I was like on a wine tasting trip with some people, with some friends of friends. And a woman in that group, an educated adult woman turned to me and said, I don't think women are funny. In like the year 2018 or whatever, right? Like I was floored, like completely floored. But I think that's a lot more prevalent than people think. And I will admit that right now I'm not being particularly funny. However.
Shanna
It's okay. We don't have to be funny all the time.
Laura
We don't. I didn't know that.
Shanna
I don't know.
Laura
Just kidding. OK, so that is my first gripe. I should probably move on because I'm getting all worked up about this. But it was good to talk about because at first I thought, oh, I'm not going to have that much to talk about. But apparently I did.
Shanna
Well, I'm torn. Should we share this guy's video on our website so people can see what we're talking about? Or do we not want to give him any more audience?
Laura
Uh, that's a really good question. Okay. Listeners chime in. Let us know. Email us at contactthebigbobpositivepodcast.com. Go on to our socials at BFP podcast and just let us know if you want to see this. Uh, maybe we'll put up like an Instagram poll or something. Cause like, I agree. Like I don't want to give this guy any more attention, but like you guys need to see what we're talking about. So. Yeah.
Shanna
And I want to know your opinions too on it.
Laura
Okay, so, yeah, let us know listeners. But in the meantime, I think you have another thing to gripe about, don't you?
Shanna
I do. Okay, I want to know if you have had this issue too, or maybe it's just me. I've been having a lot of problems with products that don't fit back into their packaging, like, for instance, the bounce house. Okay?
Laura
Okay.
Shanna
When you receive the bounce house, it comes in a nice carrying case, like a vinyl carrying case. And you're like, oh my God, that's so convenient. Like I can carry my bounce house around. But then you realize it's so like tightly squeezed together. That's the only way it will fit into this carrying case. And when your kids bounce on it and you put it away and you're like half tired and you're trying to roll that shit up before dinner and you roll it up into a big wad, it doesn't fit back into that carrying case. You have to do it perfectly. Let out every ounce of air. Slowly roll it. Fold it. Press the air out. Fold it. So I have like this messy bounce house sticking out of this bag. Same with like air beds, right? Same exact thing. Just give me a bigger bag to put a wad of air bed into instead of me having to take my life to carefully fold these things.
So it's just kind of like been an annoyance. But recently, I was suckered into buying the game Jenga by Elle. We were at Amazon Fresh making a Amazon return. And they had like this shelf of games and stuff. And I didn't notice she was looking at all of it. And she's like, I want this. I want Jenga. I'm like, oh, fine. Let's let's get Jenga. I remember Jenga. That's fun. You know, the block game where you pull out the blocks and you try not to make the tower.
Laura
Yeah, you have a tower of blocks and you're trying to like take the blocks out from the middle and make it higher until it falls down.
Shanna
Right.
Laura
And then you lose. There's only losers, not winners in that game.
Shanna
That's right, yes. So it's, I don't know, hover many, like 99 blocks or whatever. And it comes in this cylinder and it comes packaged perfectly stacked up. And we go to play Jenga and everything and then we're done. I'm like, all right girls, put Jenga away. The blocks don't fucking, you can't just throw the blocks into the cylinder because like they don't fit unless you restack perfectly the Jenga tower and then carefully set it into the cylinder. And I'm like, I am sorry, I am a mom who is way too busy for this shit. So we're throwing them in and then there's like 10 Jenga blocks that don't fit. So now I have a cylinder of overflowing Jenga blocks and then 10 random ones sitting there. And like that's how stuff just gets lost.
Laura
Yeah, that is how stuff gets lost.
Shanna
It's just frustrating. I just want everyone to make containers that are big enough to hold the shit when you put it away sloppily. That's all I'm asking.
Laura
I just want someone to understand that in my life I can't put things away properly. Yes. Yeah. No, I feel you. So I don't have this a lot yet in my life because I don't have like a lot of, you know, we're too young to play Jenga in our house. Too old and too young, I should say. The gap is too wide.
But I do feel you. I feel like it's the sleeping bag problem, right? Trying to shove a sleeping bag back into its carrying case is always an issue.
Shanna
Yeah.
Laura
I feel you. I feel you.
Shanna
All right. Do you have one more grapewater for us?
Laura
I do, but I was thinking we could take a quick break and then come back with it. Okay.
Shanna
We're back and Laura has one more grapewater for us. Laura, give it to us.
Laura
Okay, so changing gears a little bit. This one's a little bit more serious, but I definitely feel like I need to gripe about it. So the other day I was FaceTiming with my mom just randomly and she was like, what have you guys been up to? How are the kids? And it was after bedtime. And I was like, oh, man, I just had a really hard bedtime. I was doing it solo. And I was like, I had to keep jumping back and forth between the kids' rooms. And Augie didn't want to go to sleep. And Sebastian didn't want to go to sleep. And he's going through this whole thing right now. And, you know, I was just telling her. She had asked. She was like, she specifically had asked how bed types had gone. So I was telling her. And she like stopped me kind of like mid-sentence. And she said, yeah, but you're going to miss these days. You're so going to miss these days someday. Oh man.
That probably made you feel great. Yeah. So I get her instinct because she misses these days and she wanted to like stop me from complaining. She wanted to get me out of my like negative loop. But the way I felt was like I wasn't, I didn't even feel like I was in a negative loop about it. I was just like, you asked. You know like you asked it was just kind of hard, but also like there's this whole thing I know we've all gotten it We've gotten that you're gonna miss these days you're gonna wish they were little again, you know all that stuff and Well, it might be true. I also feel like it may not be true. And it's a thing that we say that kind of like shames moms for having feelings. And, you know, there are, I think, a lot of people who really do not miss having a three-year-old and a one-year-old.
You know, I've actually, in my alumni moms group, we've talked about this and there are a lot of moms who are like, no, no, no, I do not miss having toddlers, you know, like I love my preteens or whatever, you know. And I know that that's the case. Like I think it's very easy to forget all the hard things. And of course I'm gonna miss having these little baby you know what I mean like I love them being little but that doesn't mean have to love every second of it right yes and just because I may miss aspects of it and miss having them be little later on it doesn't mean that I don't get to be. like tired and like I don't, I don't think I'm gonna miss Augie having a massive screaming, hitting, sobbing on the floor meltdown. Like I don't think I'm gonna miss that.
I'm gonna miss him being small and fitting in my arms and him looking up and being saying, mama, I love you, you know, but I don't think I'm gonna miss him curling hatred at me. because I'm not daddy.
Shanna
Yeah, exactly. Your mom's comment was so ill-timed. It's like she, in her mind, what is she missing about you and Jeff? When you were little and cuddly probably. But she inserted that in a moment where you were talking about a difficult situation with your kids. Like it was a big mismatch of... Yes.
Laura
Yeah, yeah timing timing is everything yeah like I could see her me being like oh they were so sweet tonight They were just so cuddly and loving and I you know they went to bed so well and the her being like oh you're gonna miss these days I would be like yeah I am going to miss you. You know what I mean? You're right. The timing was just all off.
Shanna
Yeah. But here's the thing. Do people say that when things are going well like that? Or is it more likely that people say that in order to try to calm you down and quell your frustrations and your complaints?
Laura
Of course, it's the latter, right? Because nothing needs fixing when you're like, love them so much. They're so wonderful, you know? So I just think, you know, I think we all just need to be more cognizant about that. It just goes back to the whole rye parenting thing, right? Where it's like, she could have been like, man, that sounds hard. I bet you're going to miss these days. Like literally all she had to do was add, man, that sounds tough. Yeah. That's all you have to do. And this is not to gripe about my mom, by the way, because I feel like this is a thing that happens from a lot of people. It's not specifically for my mom. I love my mom and my mom is wonderful and so supportive. And I'm not just saying this because I realized I've just spent the last five minutes complaining about something she said. It's more about like the thing behind the thing she said.
She's you know just one person of many and I feel like you get this advice on social media a lot like you see a lot of like very saccharine poems about how they're only little ones and you know you only have those first three years are special and you only have them once and blah blah blah and it's like yeah it's true but that doesn't negate the fact that things are hard.
Shanna
Yeah. Yes, exactly. Do you miss having a one-year-old? Elements of it, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I love one-year-olds. They are really cute. Do I remember specifically the challenges that were happening at that moment? No, not really. You know, when I think back on it, I do think fondly on it. And I'm like, Oh, I would love to, you know, snuggle a little one year old again. But yeah, like you said, not everyone feels that way. Like I am a baby person. And I know some of our friends are like, I'm not a baby person. I can't wait till my kids are older. And that's fine too. Like everyone is different.
Laura
Yeah. So that's actually a good segue into our BFPs and BFNs, I think, at least my side of it. So what do you think? Should we move on? I think we should.
Shanna
We close every episode with our weekly Big Fat positives or Big Fat negatives. Laura, what do you got for us?
Laura
Okay, so as I alluded to in the gripe water segment, I actually have a BFN. Okay. And my BFN is that I have developed this week some very general, overall anger and impatience that's directed towards my family that's kind of bothering me. Okay, tell us more. Okay. So speaking of one year olds and not remembering the difficulties, let me remind you or at least tell you some specific difficulties I'm having with Sebastian. So in the check and I talked about how he's like requesting songs at nap time and how that's cute and he's trying to like, it's cute but frustrating, but he's trying to like not let me leave, right? Well, he's also doing a not so cute thing. during his delays of bedtime and nap time, which is slamming his skull into my face because he's mad. Ouch. And then trying to bite my chin off as well. Oh, no. So I tell him, and he understands everything now, right?
So I tell him like, Sebastian, it's time for bedtime. It's time to put your head on my shoulder. I'm not even putting him in the crib. I'm just like, it's time to put your head on my shoulder and start relaxing. And he gets pissed off and he like throws his head back and then slams it into my face and I'd like I mean bruises like I've been so like injured by this right and I remember now that I'm talking about I remember that happening. with oggy not quite to this extent but i remember once like seeing stars in the dark because he slammed into like my orbital and then he gets mad and he like thrashes his head around and then he like just starts to try to bite he's been better with the biting in general but this at this time he just like trying to bite.
And that kind of aggression is really triggering for me, which it's interesting because I actually have zero history of physical abuse in my life. And my parents never, ever hit me. I was never spanked or anything, which I think is actually fairly uncommon for our generation. So I don't have like, it's not like a trigger in that way. It's like, oh, this reminds me of my childhood. And it just like, it just triggers my like innate self-protection instinct, I think being like, something's attacking me. It's my own child. But it's triggering this like anger and just like, Impatience with him and there was a day this week where I just was like I felt myself wanting to like not throw him like I wasn't going to actually throw him but I wanted him away from me right and I was pissed like he just hit me with his head and I was hurt and angry.
And I kind of like, I didn't slam him, but I like put him down kind of hard in his crib. Nothing happened. The crib is soft, you know what I mean? But like, I put him down really like sternly and I was like kind of yelling at him. I was just like, no, stop. And I was just like, I had lost it, right? And I was like, I can't. And I like had to leave the room. And I was like, Corey, you need you need to do this because like, I can't. And I was just like puffing around our kitchen. I was like so angry and pissed off and like, Corey came down later and was asking me a question and it was like translating to him even though he didn't do anything wrong. You know, he was asking like an innocent question. I was just like, I don't fucking know. You know, I was just like, I don't know. Can I just like eat my breakfast or something? Like I was just losing my shit.
Um, it probably wasn't even breakfast. Because I probably hadn't eaten until that point. And I find myself doing that with Augie, too. I was just like, he would be like, mama, mama, why is this? Why is that? They're like asking me five million questions and. Sleep deprivation and just being like so stressed out this week. It just I couldn't like you know when people like I just can't like I just couldn't and I was finding myself getting really short with them like Augie would say something to me and be like I don't know I don't know why and he'd be like, okay You know and I found myself like needing to remove myself from the situation a few times not because I was afraid I was gonna like hurt them or anything But because I was afraid I wasn't being kind
You know, like I could see myself and I could see that I was not being kind and I was not being like an engaged mother who was like being helpful. And I was just like, Cory, I have to go. And I was like separating myself. And so yeah, so that was where I was at this week with my emotions. And it's a BFN because it sucks because it's not like that makes you feel better. You know what I mean? Yeah. So yeah.
Shanna
Yeah, that's so hard. I completely empathize. I have definitely been there myself. I think that stepping away is such a smart thing to do. And I know not everyone has a partner available at the moment to step in and help them. But even like you said, just putting him in his crib or a safe place and stepping away for a minute so that you can. take a deep breath and kind of let some of that instant rage go. I find that that's really helpful. And I think that's like such a smart instinct that you did that. And you know, one of the dangers of feeling this way is that we then blame ourselves and say we're really bad moms and like, I should never feel this way. I should never like,
Feel anger towards my kids and stuff, but I think it's like not uncommon A lot of us are pushed to the edge like I'm wondering if that particular week Did you have something else going on like any kind of deadlines or any kind of other? External stress that we're also adding to this like getting in the way of like You know, you're feeling calm.
Laura
Yeah, absolutely. So Corey is sort of like in between projects and, you know, we've had talks about budgets and he was like, I really think you need to start picking up work. So, yeah. Funny you should mention that because I ended up, I wrote a piece for Shondaland that was published and I picked up some like freelance content writing work and was trying to like ramp up some web development work. So yeah, funny you should mention that I was suddenly trying to do a bunch more with my time.
Shanna
Yeah because I feel like whenever I'm pushed to that point like there's always like I'm trying to meet some kind of goal or something like I'm trying to do something but then like the kids are blocking me in that way and they're not only that they're like hurting me or whatever and then it's just like it's just oh it's so hard so hard.
Laura
Yeah. But I will say I felt better by the end of the week. And there is a pretty good reason for that. But I'm going to let you talk about that. So I'm just going to end with my BFN and say, yeah, that was me this week. But it does get better. And Shanna, do you want to tell us why?
Shanna
Yeah. So I have a BFP. Oh, you do? Yes, I do.
Laura
I might know a little bit about this.
Shanna
Laura knows about this because Laura was there. Laura organized the event. We went to a rage room this week. So a few episodes back, Laura was like, oh, I should organize a rage room outing for your birthday. And I was like, OK, and that happened. And so we got us and three of our other mom friends together to go to Break Room LA. and break shit and it was amazing. It was so fun, so cathartic. We put on these like black hazmat suits and these big protective face shields and gloves and brought stuff like an old VCR. I got from my Buy Nothing group and some vases and they provided us with plates and mugs and glass vases. We went in the room and they had weapons is what they called them. It was like two baseball bats. What was the other one? Oh, a sledgehammer. There were crowbars. Crowbars. So all these things we could whack shit with. It was so hilarious.
You pumped music on the speaker and we just went at it. Like I was throwing mugs up in the air and smashing them with baseball bats and like taking a sledgehammer to this old VCR and It was so fun for 45 minutes. We did this the five of us and I don't know I was sweating my ass off I was laughing so hard at some points like I tried to hit this one thing the ceramic piece and it fucking ricocheted off the wall and came straight back at my head and I fell on the ground and my face shield went flying and broke I mean it was just So many emotions were released during that 45 minutes and just being with my friends. It was awesome. It was just the best day. Yeah, I loved it.
Laura
It was so fun. We picked a playlist that was like all female artists like letting out their rage and like. it was you know i didn't know if i would like it you know what i mean like i thought it would be fun or a funny story and at first i was like i don't know this is weird like this first you're like this is a weird thing to be doing like a bunch of moms in a room uh like a weird spray painted room um but but it became very normal very quickly we were just like my turn my turn to smash some shit I think my favorite was at the end when we gathered up all the shards of everything and put them on top of this barrel that they had. And we simultaneously just thrashed everything. That was really fun. But yeah, it was so fun. Just watching everyone else. It was like good physical exercise. A sledgehammer is very heavy.
Shanna
So heavy. And wow, the damage it can do on an old VCR.
Laura
Oh, that was satisfying. That felt good. And the other thing I realized afterwards, afterwards we all went and got a drink at this Tiki bar, which was also like a very crucial part of the day, I feel like, to decompress. We ate McDonald's French fries that we got from Postmates and drank Tiki drinks. It was so fun. It was so perfect. But for the 45 minutes we were in that rage room, none of us. And this is a group of five moms with eight kids between us. Not once did we bring up our children.
Shanna
No. Not once. No. When does that even happen? I don't even think I thought about my kids the whole time.
Laura
We were just hyper focused on destroying some shit.
Shanna
Yeah.
Laura
And yeah. So afterwards I was like, man, I feel like post-coital. You know, I just felt like. So relaxed. Yeah. Honestly, it's been such a hangover in a good way. I've not felt as relaxed as I have since we've gone to this rage room in months, at least. I feel like I'm just floating on a cloud.
Shanna
Yeah. It was such a good release. The interesting thing that we noticed there is that all the people working there that I saw were women. All the people that were coming in to rage and smash shit were women. It was all women. I'm like, I think part of us Feels at least for me like my anger and rage needs to stay repressed like I can't express it you know I can't let it out especially in front of my kids and it's I don't know not lady like whatever we've learned over the years and but we really want to let it out and we really need to and especially Connecting it with the physical too is just, it was really good and really healthy as weird and crazy as it was. And I think other people are seeing that too, because that place was pretty damn busy on a Sunday afternoon.
Laura
Yeah, for real. You know what was the funniest part to me, though, is you have to sign a waiver when you arrive, right? Basically, like, don't sue us if you try to hit the top of a lamp and it ricochets back and tries to hit you in the head, just as an example. But the very last thing you have to initial on it was, I acknowledge that this is not a therapeutic facility.
But it was. But is it? But is it? But anyway, if y'all are in the greater LA area, this one was in Van Nuys in the valley. It's called Break Room LA, and it was great.
Shanna
Yeah, it was so fun. We'll definitely have to post some pictures and videos from it because, yeah, it was a thing. And thank you, Laura, for organizing that. It was an amazing birthday gift to have, and I just loved it.
Laura
I'm so glad. And I'm sorry it was two months late, but we got it done. We did, yay! And you know what else we seem to have gotten done? Our episode? Our episode! What what? All right, well, let's read a five star review. All right, here's a five star review from Rachel. She says, perfect for pregnancy and beyond five stars. I started listening to this podcast from the very first episode when I got pregnant earlier this year with my first baby. Absolutely love it. It's my go-to podcast to put on during dog walks, cooking, driving, etc. I've learned so much from Laura and Shanna. Thank you both for being so open and sharing your stories with us. I feel so excited to become a mom later this year and put many of your suggestions into practice. Well, thank you, Rachel.
Shanna
Thank you. That's wonderful. and congratulations on your pregnancy. Listeners, do you want to hear your five-star review read on our podcast? Head on over to Apple Podcasts and leave us a five-star review mentioning a few things you like about the show and we might read it on an upcoming episode. And if you have any grapewaters you want to share with us, you know, we want to hear them. Laura, where can they reach us?
Laura
We are on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok at BFB Podcast. We have a website, bigfatpositivepodcast.com. If you want to send us an email, just send it to contact at bigfatpositivepodcast.com. And finally, if you want to join the coolest group of people on the internet, just search Facebook for Big Fat Positive Community. Request to join and make sure you answer those two membership questions because it's a private group and we don't want to let any robots through. Once you do that, you'll be sent straight through to all the wonderful, wonderful, amazing, amazing conversations we're having in there.
Shanna
Our show is produced by Laura Birek, Shanna Micko, and Steve Yager. Have a wonderful week, y'all. See you next time. Bye.