Forward-Facing Car Seats and Big Toddler Firsts – Ep. 211
July 18, 2022
Listen Now:
In the special segment “OMG I’m Freaking Out,” Laura and Shanna report on the parenting-related situations that have their hair standing on end, including a terrifying toddler escape, sibling injuries, deep thoughts about life and more! Also, Laura discusses her 16-month-old’s developing use of baby sign language, and Shanna reports on her decision to turn her three-year-old’s car seat to forward facing. Finally they share their BFPs and BFNs for the week. Shanna’s kids are 3 and 6 years old, and Laura’s kids are 3 years old and 16 months old.
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Episode Transcript
Laura
Welcome to Big Fat Positive with Shanna and Laura. This week we have our weekly check-ins, we have our special segment, OMG I'm freaking out, where we talk about siblings and selling out, and we close with our BFPs and BFNs for the week. Let's get started.
Shanna
Hello everyone and welcome to the show. This is episode 211. Hey, Laura. Hi, Shanna. How are you guys? What's going on over there?
Laura
We're good. We're good. OK, so we continue to have messed up sleep over here, but I'm not going to talk about it this week because it's boring.
Shanna
It's a snooze, literally. It's a snooze. No, literally not. OK. I confused myself.
Laura
Anti-literally, I don't know. Is that a word? Yeah. But I won't belabor that point. But just in case people are curious, it's still a problem. I did get to watch the first 30 minutes of the Dr. Becky course. Oh, okay. That's progress. Actually, I didn't even watch it. I like walked around listening to it in my headphones. But it's just kind of like a zoom call. There's really no visuals, so it was fine. Yeah, but yeah, so hopefully I'll have more to talk about next week next week I'll be like everything's perfect and fine.
But I do want to talk about some wonderful things that have happened this week. I'll start with Sebastian because I feel like last week he kind of got a little bit of like afterthought check in. He's just so cute, this little guy. He's just like a little, he's a little spitfire. Like he has so much personality and he's so hilarious and so independent. But the thing I wanted to check in about this week is that he has suddenly started being very intentional with how he uses the sign for more. Okay. Like he's done the sign for more before when it's come to like food basically, you know, we'll be at the table eating and I'll say, Are you all done? And he'll sign more. And I'll say, okay, here I have some, you know, bombas or whatever we're having. But now he's using it for all kinds of things.
Like anytime he wants more attention, more loving, like he's sort of expanded his understanding of it's not like a quantity thing, right? As much as it is like, again, it's like being used for again, or, and he kind of says again, he'll like do it and say, again, again. And I'm like, oh, he's saying again. But I wanted to send you a video. Unfortunately, I can't post this to our socials because he was like basically naked when I took this video. But you guys can hear the audio and Shanna, you get to see his signing for more in this situation.
Shanna
Oh, okay. Okay, so I'm sending it over. All right, let's see.
Laura
Do you have more kisses? More kisses? Okay.
More? Okay. Whoa. Whoa.
More? More kisses for my baby. Okay, one more time, okay? I love you.
Oh, that's so cute. He loves the kisses from Mama. I know. Like how could I not give him more kisses when he's like lying there being so adorable and signing more like with the sweetest little face? You would have to be a monster to reject that. Yes, you absolutely would. So just for context, he's lying on the nugget in his diaper. This is before bedtime, and just signing more. Anytime I stop giving him kisses, he just signs more and more. Except when he has a little cough and then he kind of like pats his chest. That's just really cute. So it's really fun to see that sort of intentionality, you know, like it just shows that he's really understanding the communication aspect of it, which I really like. And it just is very fun. And he uses it for everything now, you know, like if the garbage truck goes by and is gone, besides more and more, he wants more garbage truck and stuff.
So that is super cute and I'm loving it.
Shanna
Awesome.
Laura
And I should say he's still 16 months old. So we're still trucking along in 16 months. And Augie, he's had some fun developments this week. This week, we took him to his very first sports class. Ooh, what sport did he sign up for? Okay, well, here's the thing. The Glendale Parks and Recreation Department has this class they do where it's like a multi sport class. So it's eight weeks and you do two weeks of like each sport to just try it out. And I thought that would be, you know, good to see if he had any natural inclinations for anything.
Shanna
So that's brilliant. Cause, you know, signing a kid up for like a whole season of a sport that they've never really even thought about, tried or heard of, you might get stuck, you know, and they might hate it or whatever. So that's so smart. I should see if there's something like that up here.
Laura
You know, they might because when I went to their website, I saw a map that had like all their locations and they were all over like the LA area. So I think it's called Best BST Sports. They're like subcontracted through Glendale, but I'll send you a link. And so it's soccer, baseball, basketball and track and field. cute in that order. So the first two weeks are soccer, which is, you know, such a classic first sport for toddlers. And so we showed up. I, you know, lugged the toddler along and, you know, Corey and I both went because it was on the weekend. And we went to this park nearby, really beautiful park and showed up and it's a class for two to four year olds. Which is, you know, it's a adorable age, but it's a big age range. Like four-year-olds and two-year-olds are very different in what they can focus on, what they can do physically, you know. So it was a bit of a shit show.
Yeah, I would imagine. And on day one, I think there were like at least 20 kids there for the class, which is like way too much for one instructor. to manage. I mean, the parents were expected to be involved, but still it was like, we could barely hear him. It was a class in quotes, you know what I mean? Like some instruction, lots of snack breaks. But it was really cute. So I sort of stayed with Sebastian while Corey helped with the class and he hung in there for like 20, 25 minutes. It was like a 40 minute class, right? So he hung in there for about half of it before he got distracted and was like, I want to go play in the the playground, which I think is pretty good for almost three and a half year old. Yeah, it's impressive. Yeah.
I mean, especially with the chaotic nature of the class, I think if there were like five students and one teacher, he would sit there or stand there and listen to them and do the drills. But with all those people around, I don't think he saw the point. He couldn't even really hear the teacher.
Shanna
Yeah. And with the lore of the playground off in the distance. Yes. Yes. That's tricky.
Laura
Exactly. Exactly. So I think he did pretty well and I got to watch some of it and he got to do some drills, you know, he was kicking and doing his soccer stop and stuff. So it was cute. It was really sweet. And then the other thing that Augie did this week that was a first was I'm pretty sure he made his first like representative figurative drawing. Oh, awesome. So I know like your kids have been a little art savants since they were tiny and like are really, really into drawing especially L like I listen to you talk about like the stuff she does and I see the pictures hanging on the wall like. Ah, he does not do that. Like he likes to scribble on the paper, you know, like he will make a circle every once in a while, but he's just not into, you know, he's into a, he's a process artist, right? But we went to Kidspace, which we love.
And I guess they usually have a clay station in the back, like all the way in the back, but that day they didn't have clay. They had charcoal. And i guess he was making a charcoal drawing that he was with cori and i was with the baby so all i know is that they come up to me at some point like well there you guys are what have you been up to. And now he says i made a drawing look look and it's like rolled up in a scroll and like you have to take the tie off and scroll it and i said oh hi. And I'm looking at it. I'm like, this looks like something to me, but I don't want to like project my grown-up assessment on it. You know what I mean? Like I didn't want to be like, oh, did you draw a blank? So I was just like, oh honey, that's so cool. Did you draw something? What is it? And I'm going to send you the photo so you can take a guess what it is.
Shanna
Oh, okay. Let me see. Okay. Nice charcoal work here. We've got a pretty solid circle, spherical shape in the center with some wisps coming up the sides. I would say like a fire, like a campfire maybe.
Laura
Interesting. Here, let me send you something. I've done a little annotation on it to see if this might help you. Okay, I've added a little color so you can kind of get a sense of what he was going for.
Shanna
I love that you've marked up your kids' drawing.
Laura
Only digitally.
Shanna
Okay. Yes, yes. This is just my own highlighter work on my iPhone. Oh, okay. I see. This looks now like a ground with a tree and that center sphere is like the bushy leaves of the tree because you painted it green. The canopy.
Laura
Yeah. So, you know, I saw a tree immediately. I was like, oh, this is a tree. And I was like, Augie, what did you make? And he said, it's a stinky tree. Why is stinky that's hilarious? Well, it turns out that that day there was some kind of like sewage smell at the back of kids space I don't know if it was like Yeah, it was not pleasant I don't know if it was because it was hot or like and they were like porta-potties back there or what but like I guess he thought the trees were stinky So he drew a tree with stink lines around it
Shanna
Right. Yeah. Those lines and the wisps are like the stench emanating off of the stinky tree. Yeah. That's so smart. Good job, kid.
Laura
Yeah. So I was really impressed. And Corey said like, oh yeah, he was very focused. Like he made the ground very intentionally. And like, yeah, he was clearly trying to do something. So I'm impressed.
Shanna
Yeah, you should be. Do they work on drawing and art in preschool?
Laura
Well, they do art in preschool. His preschool is like so play-based that they don't like work on anything. I don't think you know what I mean? Like they don't want to hinge on his like natural curiosity. So there's no like practice, right? It's like you draw what you feel like drawing. So I think this is just his natural progression of like he probably sees other kids doing it and wants to figure out how they're doing it. That's my guess. Cool. Yeah. But anyway, so we've got lots of signing more and our very first representative drawing. Awesome. And that's about it for this week. Shanna, I want to hear what's been going on with you guys. Have you been doing any art at home?
Shanna
Just the art of keeping my children happy and not at each other's throats. No, I'm just kidding.
Laura
That is a fine art. It is. Requires a lifetime of practice.
Shanna
Oh, it really does. Okay. So a couple of things to mention this week. The first is this was a big week for me because Elle started summer camp after a week off of school. Cece was in preschool and Steve went back to the office. He goes back to the office three days a week. So guess who had the house to herself three days this week?
Laura
Oh, my God. I literally can't even imagine. Like, oh, I'm so jealous. That sounds so great.
Shanna
It was really awesome. Well, I shouldn't say three days this week because Thursday I had to keep Elle home from school because she got a sunburn at summer camp. Her first ever sunburn. I know it got progressively worse as the week was going on. I loaded her up with sunscreen. She's so fair, right? She's as fair as I am. And it's a swimming camp. That's the majority of it is swim. And then there's other sports activities and arts and crafts. And it's all day. But she has probably like three hours in the pool on two separate occasions. And so I'm like, put so much sunscreen on. I sent her to school with sunscreen. I was like, put this on your face before you swim a second time and all this stuff. She's just not used to it. I think the camp is too chaotic to micromanage kids putting sunscreen back on themselves. And she came home very pink the first couple of days.
And by day three, it was so bad. And I was like, oh my god, I can't send you back to go back in the sun for three hours. So yeah, she was home with me on Thursday, but but the point being, yeah, like I had some time alone in the house for the first time in years, probably. Yeah. Yeah.
Laura
I mean, at least since the pandemic, right?
Shanna
Yeah. I mean, maybe Steve took him to the park or to run an errand here or there, you know, for an hour or something, but not like a full day. So it was pretty exciting. Oh, yeah.
Laura
I mean, I feel like this is a feeling I didn't understand before I had kids. because I was granted home alone time all the time. You know, I was, I worked from home. Corey worked in an office and it was like all day, every day I got to be alone in my house and I loved it. Like I was not one of those people who was like, I missed the office. I was like, this is great. I would love to do this forever. And it is honestly one of the biggest things I miss now that, you know, I have kids and especially with this pandemic and Corey works from home now. So it's like, There's just something about it, you know? Being able to do whatever you want. The silence? Oh, the silence, yeah.
Shanna
And look, I like being around people. I love the energy of others, but it is nice to have a break with a little silence.
Laura
Well, for me, it's also like having the ability to putter around and like tidy up or, you know, do stuff like literally on my mind today is that like I'm due to clean out the water filter thing and my washing machine, you know what I'm talking about? There's a water filter thing in your washing machine you're supposed to take care of. Oh, yeah. Once a month, Shanna. Once a month. I don't do it once a month, but you're supposed to like drain the water out, take the filter out, like scrub it with the toothbrush and put it back once a month.
Shanna
Okay. No one told me about that when I got my washing machine five years ago.
Laura
Well, it might be different on your machine. My machine is like a front loader. So anyway. Yep. Yep. Yep. Oh yeah. Okay. Well, we'll have to look up your instructions, but it's one of those things that like, I just can never get around to because there's always a child needing something. For instance, this morning, I was in the kitchen trying to cook some breakfast, and Sebastian's just at the gate crying at me, like, mama. Your quarry being like, she's right there, dude. She's right there. And I'm just like, I just need to put some dishes away. But when no one's home, you can do that in peace.
Shanna
Exactly. Yep. You can do your stuff in peace. I did work.
Laura
Yeah. I was going to ask, what did you do with this glorious alone time?
Shanna
I did work uninterrupted. I went to meetings without a kid in the background of my blurred zoom background, like playing on a pad or whatever. I enjoyed not being asked for snacks constantly. So yeah, it was good. It was really nice and fun to have that time to myself. So looking forward to more of that. I hope you got yourself snacks though. Lots of snacks. Lots of snacks were had. Yes, absolutely. My other check-in is that we have switched CECE's car seat to front facing. Which was like a huge deal, you know, we tried to keep her rear facing as long as possible and L we kept her rear facing I think until she turned like four even though she was like very big and like her legs were crunched up back there. She never really complained about it and we just kind of like went with the flow.
But we had an incident recently where it's just like push came to shove and this was the best solution. So we got a second car, right? It's a Nissan Leaf and it's pretty small. It's pretty compact. And we put CECE's extra car seat in there facing backward so that I can take her to school or whatever. We can do things separately with the kids. And I think it's because it's so small in the leaf or something, the way that the seat is in there. It's just different than it is in the Camry. Like she's just like reclined back a little bit more. Her legs are up a little. Like she doesn't like it, you know? And she's been expressing this preference for the Camry for like a couple of weeks now. Like if I come and pick her up from preschool, One of the first things she always says to me, she's like, do you have the camry? Or do you have the leaf? Do you have the camry? I'm like, oh, I'm sorry.
I have a leaf. You know, daddy's it, whatever. Ah, and she gets so mad and like doesn't want to go in the leaf. I'm like, come on. I know. The other day we were going to split up our duties and Steve was going to take out to camp and I was going to take Sissy to preschool in the two separate cars and, um, L seat is in the Camry. We don't have an extra room for her. So he takes her to camp and I'm like, all right, Sissy, let's go to preschool and let's get in the, the car, she's like, is it the leaf? I'm like, yeah, it's the leaf.
I could not get her in the seat. Like it just a full on meltdown and mornings are so stressful already for me, like trying to get the two of them out the door with all their crap for their two separate things and Steve getting ready for work and it's just too much. And she's just had a meltdown. I'm like, I'm not going to like push her into this seat, you know? So it's like, Steve, when you get back with the Camry, you have to take Cece to school, please. So he took her to school when he got back. And I was like, you know what? I think I think that seat just doesn't work in that small car like that. I can see that it's really just uncomfortable for her. And, you know, she's three and a half now. She's like, I don't know, however many pounds she's a lot taller. And I think I think we just need to face it forward because I can't do this every day.
Like I can't have this fight with her every day and I can't have these meltdowns and it's just not worth it, you know. And her preschool is like two minutes away. So the drive is like really short. Yeah. He, you know. He's a little more safety conscious than I am. And he was resisting this for a really long time. And I just made a push for it. And I was like, I really think we need to turn it around. And so we did. And I went to pick her up from preschool that day. And first thing she says, we walk out to the parking lot. Do you have the Camry? I'm like, no, I don't have the Camry, but I have a surprise for you. So we go up, she sees the leaf. She's like, oh, the leaf, okay. And I open the door. She's like, oh, my sea. I can see it. It's like, ow. And was so excited. She had to explore everything and like, oh my God.
And like, she sat in it and she's like, look, I can do this with my legs. Look, I can see you. Oh, look, I can touch you. Look, you can hand me snacks. Oh my god, just like she was like over the moon about this and so excited and it's just made our lives a lot easier. So that's where we are with the car seat.
Laura
Okay, did you turn the Camry car seat around to? Did you go forward-facing on both? We did, yeah. Okay, that makes sense. So first of all, I think you did a great job keeping her rear-facing as long as you could. I think it's one of those things where they kind of let you know. You know what I mean? You can kind of keep them in as long as they let you, and then they're not letting you anymore. My whole plan with turning Augie around is the same thing. I know he's going to stop tolerating it at some point and it's going to be my like fun new change. You know, like there's going to be a time where he's like having a meltdown not wanting to get in the car and be like, oh, but guess what? We get to turn it around and have that sort of be a carrot to dangle. So yeah, we haven't gotten there yet though. And I think that's.
only because he doesn't really know any different because he doesn't have an older sibling who's forward-facing. True. So he just thinks kids face backwards. Like, he doesn't realize there's an alternative. Yeah, which is probably why we could also keep Elle facing backwards until she was four. Yeah, I fully anticipate Sebastian to want to turn around sooner than Augie. But yeah, we kind of have four as like a, that's what I have in my head is, you know, when I want to turn them around. To be fair, like two is the legal age you're allowed to turn them in California. And in a lot of places, it's a lot earlier than that. So I think you went above and beyond. And you guys are doing everything you can to keep her safe, obviously. And Now she won't hate the leaf anymore.
Shanna
Yes. Yes. She likes the leaf now. Thank God.
Laura
Oh, my gosh. So funny. She hates eco-friendly cars.
Shanna
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good job, kid. Anyway, that's us this week. Should we move on to our special segment?
Laura
Yeah, let's do it.
Okay, we are back in our special segment this week is OMG, I'm freaking out. Where we get to vent about the things that are freaking us out right now, parenting related, kid related, maybe just generally life related. Shanna, I want to know, what are you freaking out about?
Shanna
I am freaking out about a news story that my mom shared with me. This is something that happened in her neighborhood, which is where I grew up near Phoenix, Arizona. And the reason it freaks me out is because I have a three-year-old in preschool, right? Take her somewhere. I'd leave her in their care all day. I'm not there to see what's going on. And then I come get her and assume she's been well taken care of. This story reminded me that shit can happen. Anyway, okay. So recently, people who are driving along a major street in Glendale, Arizona, which is just right next door to Phoenix, Not my Glendale, their Glendale.
Exactly. They had to stop their cars and call 911 because there were about eight toddlers, age one to three, wandering in the middle of the street. What? Oh my God. Yes. That's so terrifying. Why? What the hell happened? Why? Could you imagine even being a driver and like being like, uh, what is going on here? And luckily none of the babies were hurt. Okay. So that's the good news. They're fine. And the drivers did stop. They saw them. They called 911 to figure out what happened. There is a daycare along that street that they escaped from and nobody knew. Eight toddlers went out the front gate of this daycare and wandered into the busy street. And no one noticed until it was too late. What the caregiver said is that one of the little boys shut the door or shut the gate behind him. And for some reason, once the caregiver is realized, they were locked inside, which I'm just like, what?
That seems like a poor excuse to me. I don't really understand it. But yeah, so the police had to come in and escort these little kids back to their daycare. Oh my God. Did this daycare get shut down? That's a good question. I don't know the fate of the daycare. Another article I read like the next day was that reporters had discovered that this daycare had had other problems too. Like they had been reported for like a three-year-old wandering into the kitchen of the daycare and like playing with a knife. And I don't think they do a great job keeping track of the kids. And this is like the culmination of that like history of poor oversight. Well, yeah. Yeah, I'm really hoping that all the barons, like their kids out of there, this place is shut down. I don't know exactly.
I can't find word on that, but I'm just like, oh my God, these poor babies and like I take my baby to her school and what would happen. it's not going to happen to Cece. They're fantastic there, and there's lots of security. There's a big gate that you have to even put in a code to drive in, and it's fine. But I definitely have that moment of like, oh my god, oh my god, our babies.
Laura
Well, it's just kind of like the baseline level fear anytime you are not touching your baby, right? Like anytime you don't have an eye line on your child because It requires a lot of trust to send them out into the world with other people and do diligence. Obviously, you need to be looking up violations on the... There's websites for daycares and stuff, right? Where you can look up previous violations and stuff. I also will say that this is the thing that sucks about the US child care system is that it's so hard to find affordable and good child care. You know what I mean? It's not like a lot of people have lots of choices for where they can send their kids, and that's just terrifying. Have you seen that video that went viral of the guy who thought he found a little kitten on the side of the road and then 20 more kittens ran out to meet him? Have you seen that? Uh-uh. It was cute.
It went viral. He was on all the talk shows and whatever and he rescued all the kittens, right? Yeah. But it's like he just stops his car and he's filming. He's like, oh, little kitty, where'd you come from? And then out of the woods, all these little kittens come out of him. And I'm basically imagining that, but with toddlers, toddlers keep coming out of the woods. Oh my god, that must have been so confusing for the drivers. Oh my goodness.
Shanna
Where are these little toddlers coming from?
Laura
I'm so glad none of them got hurt and- Oh my God, me too. Yeah, poor little babies. And also like sneaky little babies, come on. Like that's the thing is that they are so sneaky, they find ways out of like every system, you know? So like there has to be- Yes. There has to be a lot of safeguards in place.
Shanna
Yeah.
Laura
Yes, yeah.
Shanna
Exactly. All right, so that's my first one.
Laura
That raised my blood pressure. Oh boy.
Shanna
Yeah, sorry about that. Came out the gate with a heart thumper. Hopefully yours is a little more lighthearted.
Laura
Yeah, this one is really, it turned out to be really silly, so you don't have to worry at all. But it definitely freaked me out in the moment, okay? Okay. Like full-fledged freak out for about 30 seconds until I realized what had happened. So my first OMGM freaking out is like, it was just like a Saturday, I was hanging out with Augie and Sebastian, like TV was on, we're puttering around, you know, they're just playing with toys and whatnot. And Augie says I need a potty. Okay. And we have like a little toddler potty in our living room because like he can't be bothered to stop watching TV. Right. So he like sits on his little toddler potty and he's pooping and you know I'm just letting him be right. He likes to have like nice leisurely poops. So you know he's pooping. I can tell he has a good one in there you know and then finally he's like I'm all done. Wait, it was white my butt.
He like always now he demands it right by my butt. So I'm like, okay, coming. And he like sticks his butt in the air so I can wipe it. And I look in the little potty. And this is when I freak out because in the potty is in sequence. Like you can tell like from how it came out of his butt, bright orange poop and bright green poop. What like, you know, neon colors. And I was like, what? Like what the hell is happening like i'm thinking oh my god yes i'm kind of like terrible disease and like is it blood is it like bio like what is going on yeah because i don't know if you've ever consulted like charts on the internet where it's like what. Does the color of my poop mean, you know, like with your kids when, you know, does green poop mean that they're sick or whatever? Oh, OK. I don't know if you've ever. My kids, you know, eat a lot of blueberries and stuff.
So like their poop will be like dark black one day because of all the blueberries. And the next day will be back to normal. And so anyway, I've consulted these charts and I remember things like, OK, like White or clay colored is supposed to be really bad like black poop without an explanation like blueberries is like bad. But I was like, what does bright orange and bright cream mean? What what is happening? And after about 30 seconds of like legit freaking out about it, I remembered something. Mm hmm. I'm gonna send you a picture, not of the poop, don't worry. Okay, good. I'm gonna send you a picture of the explanation for why the poop was colored like this. I'm gonna send two photos in the sequence that the events occurred so that you can see the root cause.
Shanna
Okay, picture one. He's got a donut that is decorated like Cookie Monster with bright blue frosting. And then an Elmo donut with bright red frosting.
Laura
That'll do it. That'll do it. Oh, that's hilarious. I got to send you a picture of after the Cookie Monster one had been consumed.
Shanna
Face full of blue frosting. He looks very happy and satisfied, though.
Laura
Yeah. So, Augie has become obsessed with donuts because there's a donut shop right next to his preschool. And we made the mistake of going one day as like a treat after preschool. So now pretty much like every day after preschool, he's like, let's get donuts. And if we don't, he throws a fit, right? Well, on this particular day, it was Friday. And I just had a day, you know, I was tired and I was like cranky. And I kind of wanted to eat my feelings. And I was like, you know what, fuck it, we're gonna get donuts today. But we had to park like somewhere else. Like it didn't work to walk to the donut shop by his school. So I was like, let's go to this other donut shop that I've heard lots of good things about. It's like a, you know, it's kind of like an Instagram-y donut shop, you know, they have like fancy donuts. He did not want to go.
It was like he actually threw a tantrum, like through a fit about how like he didn't want to go. He wanted to go to the other donut shop and he's not going to eat these donuts and all this stuff. And I was like, I think you're going to like the donuts. I think you're going to like the donuts. It'll be fine. And of course he did. He was very excited to see the Sesame Street Donuts and obviously he liked them and I was trying to teach him a lesson about like trying new things and so I didn't want to like tell him no he couldn't have both the donuts. So yeah this was Friday and then Saturday he had the green and orange poops because apparently that's how they get the red dye and the blue dye got digested. Uh, interesting. Yes.
Shanna
Yes. Those dies are no joke. I specifically remember the Pete the cat birthday cake that our friend Jen's son had, like his third birthday, and Elle was too. I was pregnant. We went to his little birthday party. The frosting on that was like electric blue. It looked really cool. And Elle ate a ton of it, of course, because she's a cake fiend. And the next day, we were just like, What is happening in the toilet? Like, wow. That is like some, I don't know, that is like some radioactive level food dye or something. It's wild.
Laura
Yeah, yeah. It's very concentrated. And also like there's all these people who don't give their kids food dye because they think like especially the red one makes them hyperactive and stuff. He's always hyperactive, so I can't really report on that. But it did make his poops a weird-ass color, so there's that. That's a fun little thing to learn as a parent.
So anyway, that was my not so freaky OMG, I'm freaking out. Shanna, do you have another one for us?
Shanna
Yes, I do. So recently in therapy, I was telling my therapist about how we're planting roots in this new house and doing all the work on the home. And it really feels like we're going to be here for a while and how different that is. for me because I spent, I don't know, 15, 20 years of my adulthood moving around a lot, moving to new apartments and just lots of change. And I've always been a person who likes change and likes to do new things. And one quirk about me is that I hate being a regular anywhere. Like it makes me extremely uncomfortable. So like go to a coffee shop and have everyone know my name. Cheers is your nightmare. It is. Yeah. I don't know if there's just something about it that feels too settled and stagnant. And like I'm literally a regular now at my pharmacy in this neighborhood. Like they know me and they don't even need to like hear my name. And I just like, right.
I cringe at that.
Laura
I never knew this about you. This is really intriguing.
Shanna
Oh, interesting. Yeah, I just hate it. I would much rather go to different coffee shops all the time instead of go to one where, anyway. They know your order. Interesting. Interesting. Yeah. So I'm telling him about this and how this is all new for me. And he's like, well, let me ask you this question. Do you feel like, as you're approaching your 44th birthday, do you feel like you've sold out in life? What? Sorry, that's a very leading question.
I know, right?
Shanna
I was like, now that you mention it. Oh my God.
I was just like, oh, god damn it. Like, look, my life is a lot different than it was when I was in my 20s and 30s, right? I didn't have kids. I was moving to new neighborhoods and new apartments like every year or two and taking acting classes and improv classes and putting on shows. Writing and working part-time, like I had a very like loose unstructured life and it was really fun. And have I given that up? Yeah, I have, right? Do I think about it very often? Not really because I've just moved into this phase of my life and this is what it is now. And so him just fricking calling it out like that.
So, I left that conversation freaking out a little bit about what the answer to that is for me. Because, you know, the rest of the day is like, well, have I sold out? My life is different, right? Is that really selling out? Like what did I give up, you know? I don't know. I like my life. Yeah.
Laura
What does it even really mean to sell out? Like, you know, you're not a band, right? You're not like, you know, you used to be punk rock, but now you're, you know, doing ads for Vi-vants on television or whatever. I don't even know what Vi-vants treats at this point. But like, yeah, I guess, like, what does it mean in the context of being Shanna Micko?
Shanna
I think because like I have a corporate job now, right? I have a 40 hour a week job. I have a family that I'm committed to. I have a house that I haven't moved from in several years and I'm not going to move from. So maybe he meant just like, did I give up that freedom for all of this stability? And maybe he was just trying to ask me in a way like, how do I feel about it? Like, how am I okay with it? I don't know, so I really reflected on it all day and was kind of freaked out about what the answer was. But the answer did become crystal clear to me that night. So at around 8.15 p.m. Cici woke up screaming from a bad dream. Like she'll have night terrors sometimes and be inconsolable, but this was like she actually had a bad dream and was scared and was calling for me.
And so I went into her room and I was able to comfort her, which is awesome because a lot of the times I can't comfort her when she's so worked up, especially in a night terror. And she was like so happy to see me. And I was snuggling with her and helping calm my baby down. And like that felt so good. And after she calmed down, she was like sleeping again, you know, her head against my chest and her little lullabies are playing and like her little moon and stars projector, like rotating on the ceiling and I'm watching the moon and stars and like everything literally felt perfect. I was just like, I did not sell out, right? I changed my life, but it's something I wanted. It's something I worked really hard for, right? Like having a family didn't come easily to me and like buying a house wasn't exactly.
easy you know i don't have all the money in the world and all this stuff but like these are the things i wanted like i've always wanted a family and kids and i have my two wonderful children and i have like a nice neighborhood that i live in and so what if i don't spend all my free time taking improv classes are going to the gym like those things were awesome at that time in my life but i've just moved on from that and i have something different now and even though it's challenging sometimes it can be tricky like overall i love it like i'm so happy. with what I have and I was so glad to relieve that fear and pressure of like what the answer to that question was going to be with this experience that just like solidified it for me and I just felt a lot better after that experience and like I knew that this was perfect for me.
Laura
That's some like Jedi mind trick stuff going on with your therapist though because like it sounds like he knew what he was doing you know. I wanted to send you in a little tailspin until you really understood the core of what you love about your life.
Oh, man.
Shanna
It worked. And the more I think about it, the more you're right, because he started that conversation with, he's like, so your birthday is approaching? Are you reflective around your birthday? And I'm like, no, I'm not. No. Mm-mm. Nope, just like some fun celebration. I live like And he worked it into this thing where I became reflective He got me. He's good. He got you.
Laura
Well, that's lovely. I The other thing I've been reminding myself a lot is like, you know, because I don't really think of it as selling out, but I do have these moments where I'm like, I just want to do crafts, you know, like I just want to like take a class of, you know, I want to take a glass fusing class or pottery or something, you know. And I keep remembering that like soon enough, my kids are going to be, you know, teenagers in college, you know what I mean? Like they're not going to want anything to do with me. I'm going to have plenty of time to take a pottery class. You know what I mean? Like it's a season right now where they need us so acutely, but it's not going to last forever. So there's no reason to get, you know, all torn up about quote unquote, selling out. It's just we're in a different season.
Shanna
Yeah, exactly. And it'll probably come sooner than college too, right? They become more and more independent. I'm already seeing it with my girls at three and a half and six and a half. And so I'm sure that if I really, really wanted to take a writing class or something, I could figure it out in my life right now. So yeah, I totally agree with you on that.
Laura
Yeah. Well, I'm glad you had that nice moment and also that CeCe, you know, got to be comforted out of her bad dream, poor thing.
Shanna
I know. All right. So I think you have one more for us, but should we take a break and come back with it? Yes, we should.
We're back and Laura has one more OMGM freaking out for us. Laura, what are you freaking out about? I am freaking out about sibling injuries.
Laura
Oh, have your boys been beating up on each other over there? No, they very lovingly try to destroy each other. Like they try to hug each other to death, basically. Oh, how sweet.
Yeah.
Laura
This is something that's been on my mind for a while, you know, basically since Sebastian was born, you know, when he was a little itty-bitty, tiny baby, and Augie was very sweet with him, but like, he always had to be like, not too hard, you know, don't hug too hard, don't, you know, stay away from his mouth and nose. And I was actually going to talk about it way back then, but we didn't have time or, you know, whatever, I pushed aside. And I'm glad I did because now I have so much more to talk about in relation to this because They are now like officially playing together, which is awesome right like they chase each other around and they actually like it's not just parallel play like they are engaging with each other and it's mostly physical play like chasing or dancing or pulling on each other or whatever. but it very quickly can turn dangerous.
I'm gonna send you a picture of them in one of their really good play modes. Okay, so I'm sending you a picture of them playing together the other day.
Shanna
They look like they're having fun together. Like they're battling some enemy or something. Yeah, Augie has this little blaster.
Laura
Yeah, Augie got a broken water gun from another mom at the park. He was playing with it and the mom was like, you can just have that. I was like, great. So now he has this broken water gun that is his blaster and Sebastian's like crouched next to them and looks like they're fighting the bad guys together. Yes. You may also note that they're standing on top of the ottoman. Ah, yes. So and when they wrestle, they don't really like take note of being a high service. Yeah. So there've been a lot of bonks and they do this thing too where they just like chase each other around the house, you know, back and forth into each other's rooms and stuff. And then Augie will try to close the door and I'm like worried they're gonna slam the door on each other. But all this is like, was kind of just general anxiety about them getting hurt. And then I found...
An article because of course I'm like, well, I gotta see if this is like an actual thing. Like do kids get hurt more when they have a sibling? Yeah, I would say. And you are correct because there is a study from the year 2000. Oh my gosh, really? Oh wow. Called the effect of an older sibling and birth interval on the risk of childhood injury. Oh no. And they had like 3000 more than 3000 cases of injury and death. Unfortunately, not a lot of deaths, thankfully, with kids six years of age or younger against 8000 something controls of kids who didn't get injured. And they discovered that the chances of, here's what it says, the adjusted odds ratio for injury in children with an older sibling was 1.5. So I'm guessing that means that you are 1.5 times higher, more likely to get injured if you have an older sibling. And the effect was greatest in children under two years of age.
We got one of those. And in those with a birth interval of less than two years. So that's not a check. Ours are minor, like exactly two years. It also said as the number of older siblings increased, so did the risk of injury. So their theory about it, the conclusion of these researchers is basically like, kids play with each other and get hurt. But the thing that really causes sibling injuries to be more common is that parents have their attention divided. So you have lots of kids, you can't pay attention to all of them, and then they go and do something stupid and get hurt. And that's the cause of most of the injuries. So... Aw, it's our fault. It's our fault. But it did remind me that I can chill out a little bit with the kids playing with each other.
Because it's like if I'm paying attention to them and making sure they don't do anything dangerous, they're not necessarily going to kill each other in the process of playing. Although that said, a friend of mine from mommy and me class, her 16 month old poked her four year old in the eye the other day and he got a corneal abrasion and had to like go to the ER and all this stuff. And so I'm just like, oh man.
Shanna
I remember when I was about five years old, I was playing with my little brother who was probably like two, two and a half. and I remember we were like playing behind the couch or something like that was our hiding spot and he had for whatever reason he got a hold of like a pair of pliers oh my god and stabbed me in the ear with them oh my god my ear is bleeding and like Just, yeah, the stuff kids get up to, man.
Laura
I mean, yeah. The only time Jeff, like, ever hurt me was unintentional. My mom had given him a spray bottle to help clean because, you know, kids loved helping clean. And he thought it was water. And it actually had, like, an ammonia cleaner in it. And he sprayed me right in the face with it.
Shanna
Oh, my gosh! Okay, that is your mom's fault. Sorry, not sorry.
Laura
That is 100 percent my mom's fault.
But I was fine. My eyesight is fine. And poor Jeff, he didn't know. I still remember to this day like him being so sad about it, he really didn't mean to hurt me. Yeah, I'm sure. But yeah, that's what I'm freaking out about. Anyway, shall we have a little palette cleanser and move on to our BFPs and BFNs?
Shanna
Let's do it.
All right, we end every episode with our big fat positives or big fat negatives of the week. And Laura, I want to know what do you have for us, a BFP or a BFN? I have a very minor BFP, but it would make me happy. So I wanted to share.
Laura
A minor league BFP. Okay, let's hear it. Yeah. Okay. So as you know, our kitchen is done and we are like able to cook and just have fun in our kitchen again. And as part of that, I brought the learning tower up from the basement. Like we haven't used the learning tower since we moved to this new house actually, because we didn't have a good place for it. And I wanted to make waffles and I was like, hey kids, do you want to help me with the waking waffles? And Augie was like, yeah, because he always wants to help in the kitchen. So I got the learning tower out. But of course, like I was gonna put Sebastian in the learning tower and I was gonna have Augie just like stand on a step stool. But like that did not go over well. No, I went with the learning tower, right? But my BFP is it turns out they both fit in the learning tower, at least right now.
Shanna
Oh, and they don't cause sibling injury to each other while they're up there together?
Laura
Not yet. That's good. But I'm going to send you a picture. And this is why it's my BFP because it's just so cute, the two of them like helping with cooking.
Shanna
a learning tower. Aw, they fit in there like two little peas in a pod. They both have whisks. That's cute with their little whisks. Yeah.
Laura
So they were able to quote unquote help. Sebastian was dipping his hand into the raw egg and trying to eat it. So I did have to change the layout a little bit. But I'm actually really excited to have them like both in the learning tower. And I was thinking like, oh, do I need to buy two learning towers that takes up so much space and is so expensive and blah, blah. So this is a good solution for right now. Yay. And I should also say that I've been sharing so many like photos and videos and stuff in this episode. And I think what we need to start doing is putting them on our website. Don't you think that's a good idea?
Shanna
Definitely. Yeah. Listeners want to see what you're talking about. So we should definitely do that.
Laura
Okay. So listeners, if you want to see what we've been talking about, just go to bigfappositivepodcast.com slash ep-211, ep-211.
Or there will be a link to the show notes. That's probably an easier way to do it. But yeah, you'll be able to see these pictures of Augie and Sebastian looking adorable, helping with the waffles, the Sunday waffles. Yummy. That's my BFB. What about you? Do you have a BFB or a BFN? I have a BFB also.
Shanna
My BFB is that I just had a great weekend. It was fun. We had a lot to do. No one was sick. It was like, what? Rare occurrence is that. Friday night I went to an axe throwing birthday party for a friend in my neighborhood and you know it's very trendy right now like these axe throwing parties and I was kind of like I don't know if I'm gonna be in the axe throwing or whatever might be a good way to get some rage out who knows. It ended up being so fun. They make it like a competitive thing because we had enough people where we had like two teams and like you compete with the other team to see like how many points you get with throwing the ax and if you get it in the bullseye you get more and all this stuff and I'm pretty competitive like I do. Yes. I don't know if you know that.
Laura
I do. I didn't know about not liking being a regular but I do know that you are competitive.
Shanna
So as soon as like there was a game aspect to this, I was like, oh, I'm in and rallied with my teammates. It was just really fun. I got to meet more people in my neighborhood. It's it was through my by nothing group, like a lot of people in my become friends. And I'm like, I want to meet more people in the neighborhood. So that was really fun. Here, I'll show you a picture. OK. And maybe I'll also share it on the website of me getting a bullseye on my second throw. What are you like axe throwing prodigy? Apparently I am, Laura.
Laura
Look at this! Dang, girl. I mean, I have to trust that you didn't just put that there, because in this picture, you are standing just holding it on the bullseye. But I'm assuming that you are just taking a celebration shot. Yes. Very awesome.
Shanna
Wow. It was really fun. And I actually look forward to axe throwing again in the future. Yeah, and then the rest of the weekend was fun. We had you guys over on Saturday and then we had a little birthday party with some other neighborhood friends on Sunday for a little two-year-old and just lots of fun stuff. No sick kids, no sick family members, and I enjoyed my weekend. That's it. That's it. Yeah.
Laura
Question. Is it required that you wear flannel to the axe throwing party?
Shanna
It's encouraged. I believe that the establishment said, where are your flannel? And the group was like, let's wear flannel. And nobody wore flannel except me. But I did get a lot of kudos from the employees about my flannel. And I felt very cool about it.
Laura
It's not like one of those fancy clubs where if the men show up without a jacket, they provide you with a jacket. They didn't have the provided flannel. Nobody provided flannel. No.
Well, it still seems fun even without the mandatory flannel.
Shanna
Yes. Yes. We should do it sometime. Yeah. No, I'm down. I'm down. But yeah, that's it for me. And I think that's it for our episode. But Laura, I would love to end with a five star review and it's your turn to read one. What do you got for us?
Laura
I do. This one is from Ann and Ann Arbor. It's titled Favorite Podcast of All Time, Five Stars. I was the first of my friends to have a baby, and it was peak pandemic, so it was an especially lonely time. But with this podcast, I felt like I had Laura and Shanna by my side through it all. They are so real and vulnerable on the show, it's like chatting with girlfriends. Especially because my child is a few weeks younger than Laura's youngest. I look forward to new episodes every week and save them to listen to on a walk. It's a weekly treat for me. Thank you for such an amazing show, Laura and Shanna.
Shanna
Oh, thanks, Anne. And how cute that her baby's so close to Sebastian in age. I love that. Yeah. So cute. All right. So cute listeners. If you'd like us to read your five star review on our show, head on over to Apple podcasts, wherever you listen, leave us a five star review and talk about what you like about our show. This is so helpful to help other people discover our show and want to take a chance on listening and become part of our community. It's really making the difference you guys sending in those five-star reviews, so please do us a favor, head on over and leave that review, and we might read it on an upcoming episode. If you have any OMGs I'm freaking out that you want to share with us, we would love to hear them. Laura, where can everyone reach us?
Laura
We're on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok at BFP Podcast. We have a website, BigBatPositivePodcast.com. If you want to send us an email, you can always throw a voice memo into there. Just send it to contact at bigfatpositivepodcast.com. And finally, if you want to join the coolest group of people on the internet, no joke, just search Facebook for Big Fat Positive Community, request to join because it's a private group. You need to answer those two membership questions so we know you're not a robot. And then once you do that, we'll approve you and send you straight through to all the wonderful, wonderful conversations we're having in there.
Shanna
Our show's produced by Laura Birek, Shanna Micko, and Steve Yager. Thanks for listening, everyone. Have a great week. Bye. Bye.