Baby’s First Word? Plus Preschool Drop-Off Tears – Ep. 170
October 4, 2021
Listen Now:
In the special segment “Mom Wins!” Laura talks about the miraculous new bedtime technique that has worked wonders with her two-year-old, and Shanna recounts her desperate attempt to remove permanent marker from her child’s face before school. Also, Shanna talks about her two-year-old’s clinginess, and Laura wonders if her baby said his first word at seven months old. Finally, they share their BFPs and BFNs for the week. Shanna’s kids are 2.5 and 5 years old, and Laura’s kids are 2.5 years old and 7 months old.
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Episode Transcript
Laura
Welcome to Big Fat Positive with Shanna and Laura. This week, we have our weekly check-ins. We have our special segment, Mom Wins, where we talk about experimenting with stripes and sleeping. And we close with our BFPs and BFNs for the week. Let's get started! Hi, everyone. Welcome to the show. This is episode 170. Shanna, hello. Hi. OK, let's get right to it because I want to hear what's going on with you, how old your girls are, and what you all have been up to this week.
Shanna
All right. Cece is two and a half-ish. Who even knows anymore? I can't barely keep track. She's on her way to three. Elle is still five and in kindergarten, as we know. OK, but here is an important update. Okay. So the other day, I was working in my office at home, my home office, and the girls are watching TV in the other room. And I hear, mama. And it's L. I'm like, yeah. She's like, mama, what's queef?
I'm like, what?
Shanna
She's like, mama, what's queef? I'm like, what is she watching? Or what is she learning in kindergarten? What is going on? I'm like, hold on a second. So I get up from my desk and I start going into the family room where they're watching TV. And in my head, I'm like, wow, like I taught them about periods unexpectedly. So I guess like I'm fine teaching them about queefs because they have like, I know they're gonna know, okay, I guess here we go.
Laura
Real quick, just in case we have some listeners who aren't in the know or maybe are international listeners, don't use this slang. I don't think I've ever asked an adult this, but can you explain what queefing is?
Shanna
Oh, okay. This is not the Merriam-Webster dictionary definition of queef. If it's even in there, I don't know. It's like when trapped air comes out of your vagina and it sounds like a fart. It's a vagina fart, right? It's a vagina fart, yeah, basically. Yeah, okay. So I'm like, all right, they got to learn sometime. I guess the time is now. But seriously, where is this coming from? So I go in and they're watching this show called Octonauts, which is a very popular kid's show on Netflix. And Elle looks at me again. She's like, what's Queef? And I'm like, where did you hear that? And she's like, on Octonauts. And I'm like, what?
Laura
Octonauts has taken a turn.
Shanna
are taking a turn. What's going on in the gut bee? Okay, so she rewinds and it's a scene where Quasi, who is like this cat octonaut that wears an eye patch and talks in a thick British accent for some reason, is holding a snake and he's like, oh, We've got to return to Snake, or else he's going to queef to death." And she's like, yeah, that. What's queef? And I'm like, oh my god. Freeze. He's going to freeze to death. He's just saying it in an accent. Oh my god. OK. So it all became clear.
Laura
I'm imagining a Snake queefing to death right now.
It is a visual I never thought I'd have. Me neither. Oh. In my wildest dreams. Wow.
Shanna
Oh, wow. So yeah, I did not have to teach them about queefs, not that I'm against it, but you know, if it didn't actually come up, I'm not going to go there.
Laura
Oh, because they would think it's the funniest thing ever and be talking about it with their friends and you would get a call. True. You would get a call from the kindergarten teacher saying, Elle is pretending to queef on people.
Shanna
Oh, yeah. She came home the other day. She's like, this kid said he was going to fart on me because he felt it coming. So, yeah, I can see her being like, well, you better watch out. I'm going to queef on you. So we haven't gotten there yet. It was all cleared up. But I had to report on that. That is really funny, my goodness.
Laura
Thank you for the laugh.
Shanna
All right. Yeah. So here's my other update for the week is CeCe has become so clingy lately. Like, oh my word. I think it's partly because she's adjusting to L being at school. Like we had a big routine change, right? Like her play buddy is gone now every day. And she's really seeking our attention. Like, I'm working, Steve's working. We can't give her that full attention. And she's really in a mommy phase. Like it's mommy everything. I'm the only one who can like make her meals, wipe her butt. She only wants me to put her down for naps. Of course we still take turns, but she puts up a fuss about it. She wants me to pick her up constantly. Mommy, I need help. I need help. She needs help with everything. And it's just like, whoa. I love her, right? And I would snuggle with her all day, but there's just something about clinginess that's a bit exhausting.
Laura
Oh, yeah. Yeah. I feel you because I'm there with you. Like, Augie's exactly the same right now. Exactly the same. Really? Uh-huh. Mommy only, only wants mommy. And I thought it was because of school, you know? But maybe it's just their developmental phase too, you know? But I was going to say that not just has she lost her little play friend with Elle being at school, but she's also watching Elle separate from you guys every morning, right? And I'm sure her little brain is like, wait, if Elle leaves mommy and daddy, does that mean I'm going to have to leave mommy and daddy? or specifically mommy, because apparently she doesn't give a fuck about leaving Steve. Poor Steve. Bye. Daddy, whatever.
Oh, yes. But yeah, Augie is exactly the same. And I will be talking more about it in my check-in. But yeah, I'm there with you. And it is, there's something like, there's one thing where it's like, oh, it's so sweet, you want the cuddles. And it's not there. It's like, give me some space, kid. Stop being so needy.
Shanna
Yeah, it's hard, especially when you have shit to do. Working from home has gotten harder for me since L went to school. I was looking at that as like, oh, it's going to be great to have like some more quiet around the house. I won't have two kids to watch. it'll just be one. And it's actually harder because her playmate is gone, right? They would play together and occupy each other and play games or whatever. And now she doesn't have that. So it's either like just too much screen time or she just wants to be on me. So it's becoming challenging.
Laura
Yeah, that's really interesting. I never would have thought that either. I would have thought, oh, you take away one of the kids, you'll have half the work. Mm-hmm.
Shanna
No. That's tough. Not really. I'm just constantly, constantly multitasking. My brain feels completely all over the place, like trying to finish something. Even a cleaning task around the house is just constantly interrupted by one thing or another. So I'm kind of scattered. all over the place until we figure something out, settle into some sort of routine, or she kind of regains some of her independence. So we'll see.
Laura
Well, solidarity. I don't have a full-time job like you do, but I get it. You know, like even with the help with our nanny in the mornings and Cory being home, like I have the clingy two-year-old and the baby is in this like separation anxiety phase where if I turn my back on him, he starts crying, you know? So, yeah, I understand how you can't finish a task. Like, I keep leaving things in weird-ass places and Corey keeps being like, why is this here? Like, why is Augie's lunchbox in the middle of the living room? And I was like, oh, because I like went to the car to get it, got as far as the living room and then something else happened and it stayed there. Like I made it halfway to the kitchen.
Shanna
Oh my god, that's so true. My phone ends up god knows where the vacuum cleaner is just like left in the middle. I mean, it's just chaos.
Anyway, okay, so you are going to add on to that in your check-in, but I also want to hear about everything else that's going on. So why don't you give us your check-in?
Laura
All right, so Sebastian turned seven months this week. That was exciting. A very exciting thing is that I actually got his photos done the day of his seven-month birthday. All right. Good for me.
And Augie, like you said, he's like two and a half ish. I actually have it in my notes. Otherwise, I would never remember. He's two years and eight months now. Okay. And yeah. So like, I'll talk about him first because the separation anxiety stuff is really causing problems at drop off. I mean, not problems, but. If you recall, the first week of school, he was like, see ya, bye, no problems, right? At drop off. The last week was his first week back after he had his COVID and he was like nervous and didn't want to go. Well, this week, it's turned into full on sobbing, clinging has to be like wrenched away from me drop offs. I mean, we only do two drop offs a week, which honestly, I think that's part of the problem. Like if he went more, we could get into a more consistent routine. So it's just going to take time. I would love for him to go more.
They just only had Tuesday, Thursday available. So I have like emailed the school and was like, just want to make it officially known that we would love to get Augie on the waitlist for any additional openings for more days. So we'll see what happens there. But it's interesting because he's doing this crying, clinging thing, but then I go pick him up and literally the first thing he says when I pick him up is, I want to go back to school. the first thing. There was one day this week where I was driving to drop him off and he was like, turn around when we were like getting close. He was like, turn around because he could tell we were getting close. Turn the car around. I don't want to go to school, right? That day when I picked him up and we're driving back home, turn around, go back to school. I want to go back to school. So, you know, it's just a, it's just a transition, I guess.
But yeah, at home, it's the same thing. He's been watching Gabby's dollhouse. Have you guys watched that? Uh-huh. Yeah, the girls like that. It's cute and I kind of like showing it to him because it's like quote-unquote girly, you know It's like pink and sparkly has a girl lead and it's a bunch of cats, right? Yes And as a result he talks to me in this like cat voice a lot so He'll but he doesn't when he's like sad and needs me so he'll go like mommy meow meow meow meow and I have to respond to a man like, yes, oggy meow meow, oggy meow meow, do you need to hug meow meow? And he goes, yeah, mommy hugs meow meow. So we like two hugs. Cute. Yeah. But one thing I've decided to do to try to get ahead of this is fill his mommy cup up more. And I was trying to think of ways to do it, right, to have like some special one-on-one time with just him.
And it occurred to me that we could go to my gym, especially now that he's had COVID. Right. I was avoiding it because it's indoor. It's like close contact with other kids. But now that he has some natural immunity, I'm like, well, whatever. And numbers are going down. You know, I mean, like I've, from what I've read, Emily Oster had this inner newsletter. It's like, there's mixed results, but it is pretty clear that natural immunity from recovering from an infection does protect you pretty well. Like some studies show it's a little less than the vaccine, some show it's a little more than the vaccine, but either way, there's protection. So it's like, great. He's not going to get COVID, especially right after he's recovered. So like, Yeah, take advantage. Let's do it. You know, we've like gone to Target. We're doing all this other stuff. So jealous. Yes.
So we went to my gym and the first class, he was very nervous about like participating in the circle time. You know, because we just went to one class and then we went to one like free play this week because we're doing a trial. And he didn't want to do any of the stretches or play any of the games. But what he did want to do was run around like a fucking maniac and crash into everything and basically live in the ball pit. Like he wants to live in that ball pit. Oh, wow. The ball pit is open during COVID, huh? The ball pit is open during COVID. This is one of those things where it's like, so glad he already had COVID because I'm like, this is if I would have felt great about this, you know. Yeah, they closed it at ours. So interesting. Yeah, I mean, again, I'm just like, well, it's okay for us. And we know we're not spreading it either. But he's wearing a mask.
So at least he's not like licking the balls. But and I'm so glad the ball pits open because he fucking loves it. Like, oh, good. He loves crashing into it. He just laughs hysterically. Let me just show you a picture of him in the pocket. OK. Sending to you. Aw, he loves it. He absolutely loves it. And, you know, he jumps on the trampoline and I feel like, you know, he's a kid who needs these sort of like big muscle movements. He has a lot of like sensory input he needs. And it totally fulfills that for him, which is awesome. Like especially at the free play where he just ran around and like used all the equipment. It was perfect for him like that night he fell asleep so easily and cool just like a lot less drama on the two days we've been to my gym so. Yes. So I'm very excited about that. And do you take him? Is that kind of a mommy one-on-one time thing? So it is.
So I've been taking him to the class. I think Corey and I might start alternating when like when he's available, he'll take him because, you know, he needs someone on one time with him too. So it's just a fun, no babies allowed activity, you know? Right. But yeah, he's he's having a blast. So yeah, that's that was exciting for him. And I'm hoping that continues to help. Cool. And then a quick baby update. I've noticed that Sebastian. So he's scooching around now, right? Like he's like army crawling like crazy. And he's just having so much fun being able to move. Like if I put something down that's like across the room from him that he wants, he like lasers in on and goes for it. Like he knows how to move himself now in that way. It's really cute. And I've noticed that he's super methodical in like his play.
So I'll put him down in the playroom and just let him sort of wander while I keep an eye, but like pretty much leave him be. And he like, well, he goes to the corner and checks everything out that he moves. So like over and checks things out. And then he moves like a little bit over and checks things out. And he's very like focused on his like feeling out the toys and putting everyone in his mouth. And it's just so interesting and fun to watch. feels very different from Augie, who I feel like was kind of all over the place or would like get stuck on one toy and just play with the one toy. Like, Sebastian is just like, OK, I see this toy. I'm going to figure it out. I'm going to figure it out. OK, next toy. OK, going to figure this one out. It's really, really cute. Wow, that's cool. Yeah. And. Just some little sort of fun milestone updates. So he started blowing raspberries this week.
Oh, yes. Which is so cute.
Shanna
Oh, those are always so cute.
Laura
Very messy. Very messy. Just slobber everywhere, but very cute. And he's just having so much fun with them. He'll just like lie in his crib when he wakes up in the morning just blowing raspberries. Again, with the methodical, like he's testing it out, figuring it out. Yeah. And then here's one that's a little controversial because Corey is not sure that this happened, but I am pretty sure. So I think he attempted to say his first word this week. What? I know it's super fucking early and I know that like parents like, oh, like, oh my gosh, he said whatever. I don't want to read too much into it, but it happened twice. And I feel like with the second kid, you can kind of see their intentions more. Like, did this happen to you? I feel like with Augie, I didn't really know babies that well. So I didn't really understand the intention behind a lot of his actions until much later.
I would watch a video back like a year later and be like, oh, he was totally trying to communicate with me in this video, but I didn't get it, right? Yeah. So I'm noticing more with Sebastian and he makes the M sound somewhat here and there but not enough that like it's common to the point where I was actually googling like is my baby making enough babbling noises because I was like consonants he wasn't doing. He wasn't doing a lot of B's and M's and stuff. So then we're at dinner this week and we've been doing a lot of like baby sign language mostly for more and all done. And he had dropped his little spoons because he's eating purees now. He dropped his little spoons on the floor. And he was really into whatever this puree we were giving him was. And I had to go watch the spoons. And he was getting really upset. And like he wanted more. And he went, ma, ma.
And I was like, did you just try to say more? Because he like doesn't say that. And Corey was like, no, no, no. Two days later, the exact same thing happened. I was like taking too long, getting his spoons ready. And he goes, ma. I was like, dude, you're trying to say more. Like, I think you're putting it together. Yeah. That's what it sounds like. I mean, it sounds like it to me too. And if he was doing that all the time and it was just a coincidence, like I would admit that, but he's not like the rest of the day, he's not saying, ma, ma. Like it was just in those situations. So I'm going to keep an eye out, but it seems like he might be trying to say his first words. or proto words.
Shanna
Whoa, you need to get a video of that so we can all weigh in. Okay, I know. I should do it.
Laura
I don't have a lot of storage on my phone because I take so many videos of these damn kids. And so every time I try to take like a long form video, my phone gets mad at me, but I'm going to clear out space so I can like document dinner and see if it happens again.
Shanna
Yeah. Well, clearly you have to take the spoons away and then take a long time cleaning them. That seems to be the magic.
Laura
I just need to like torture him by be like, ah, you're It's not quite ready yet. Yeah. That's funny. But anyway, that's it for me this week. I just wanted to have those quick little updates and fun. Yeah. So shall we move on to our special segment? Let's do it.
Shanna
We're back, and this week's special segment is Mom Wins, where we celebrate the achievements in our parenting life recently. Laura, you are up first, and I'm dying to know what your mom win is.
Laura
Okay, so my mom win is related to bedtimes sucking lately with Augie, I should say, with a two and a half year old. The baby has recently been sleep trained and is super easy to put down, which is awesome. Awesome. which has highlighted how shitty the toddler bedtimes have been. Okay, oh that sucks. It's just been a thing where like it's become this massive power struggle, right? Like where we would go in and do bedtime and try to do the thing where like you put him in the crib and you say goodnight and you leave and then it you know if he's crying or whatever you can go back in and check in but like
It just wasn't working anymore because we wouldn't be able to do the thing where it was like you leave him drowsy but awake and He goes to bed because I don't know something must switch around this age or he just got too aware or who knows what's going on But he wasn't doing it anymore instead of doing that it would like activate him when we would leave and he'd start screaming and he'd be like mommy I need to potty even though he's in a diaper I should say but you know he likes to poop in the potty so he would like say I need to potty or I need water or I need food like I'm hungry like all basically Whatever he could use against us that he knew we weren't gonna like completely ignore he would use and he started like jumping up and down in the crib so much that it was dangerous to the point where one night he did flip himself out of the crib.
No, unfortunately, we don't know exactly what happened But we heard a big thunk because like our monitor cycles between the two boys rooms and like it was on Sebastian's room when we heard a big thunk above us and we're like Oh, and we look on the monitor and it's Augie sprawled on the floor crying. We're like, oh shit He didn't even get a bump on the head. And you know how easily they get bumps on their head. And he was fine. I was, of course, a wreck and thought that everything was awful and scary. And he was going to die of a concussion in the middle of the night. But I didn't. I think that switching to a toddler bed was a good choice because he's had all these other changes and school was starting and his bedtime was just so shitty. I was like, it's going to make it worse. Like it's going to make it worse. So we now have like the nugget around the bed.
But it was just awful. So this is the context of what I'm about to tell you, which is that like we didn't know what to do about bedtime. I was at like the end of my row. So I went to my mommy and me class, which is specifically called second time parent in me. It's all moms, but we don't have any dads in the class. So it's a mommy and me. And I was talking to my teacher about it and she has a kid that's the same age as Augie. She has a two and a half year old and then like a five year old, I think. And so she's been through all this before and I was like, I don't know what to do about bedtime. Like he's not going down. I don't know if it's just a transition with the kid. And she's like, oh no. She's like, you need to switch it up. Like at this age, the stuff that worked with them when they were babies and young toddlers just does not work anymore. They're like too smart.
They're too with it in the world. Like it's time to switch things up. And she had a suggestion. Because there are a lot of suggestions you get online just like get a nightlight so they're not afraid of the dark and all this stuff right but this is a suggestion I had never heard before that I want to share and this is my mom when which is she suggested that we do planned check ins so instead of the thing where it's like you put him down and you go in at intervals if they're crying. You switch that on its head and you say you're going to come in no matter what.
Shanna
Okay.
Laura
So you tell them as you're putting them down, okay, I've got to go. I'm going to do some dishes, but I'm going to be back in five minutes. So I'm going to come in. I'm going to check on you if you need water or potty or anything. I'm going to come back. And the idea is that you take away that anxiety of the like, is mommy ever going to come back and the need for that control? Like I've got to get her back by saying like, no matter what, I'm coming back. If you're sleeping, that's fine. I'm still going to come back. And the key is actually sticking to it. Of course, they don't know what 10 minutes is, right? So it doesn't have to be exactly 10 minutes. But the idea is that you're relieving that stress from them, right? Mommy's coming back no matter what. Daddy's coming back no matter what. Okay. So did you try it? So I did. I tried it right away. I was like, that night we're trying it.
I told Corey about it. And I was skeptical because, you know, you're so in this like world of how sleep worked when they were younger, that the idea of like going back into the room unprompted seems like you're going to like activate them more, right? But it was like, Magic really. Yes. The first night he was like getting upset and he was like, I don't want to go to sleep. I don't want to be in the crib. And I was like, that's okay. You don't have to fall asleep. I just have to go do a couple of things. I'm going to go run the laundry. Then I'm going to come right back. I'm going to be back within 10 minutes. And I'm going to check on you. And I could just see that register with him. And it was like he was fine with it. So He played around in his crib quietly until I came back to check it on him. And he wasn't asleep, but he wasn't screaming for things.
And when I came back, I said, hi, it's mommy. I'm here to check on you. I just want to see, are you okay? Do you need anything? And he said, no, okay, I'm gonna go keep doing things and I'll be back in another 10 minutes. And I think that first night, I had to do like three check-ins. And the fourth time he was asleep, but I went in. So my key, I know they won't even remember it, but I was like, I need to keep my word. So even if he's asleep, but I told him I was going to come back, I'm going to come back and put my hand on his back or whatever. But he fell asleep without fighting us. Oh my god, that's amazing. It is. And so now we're doing that every night. And we've also incorporated like telling stories, like making up stories for him. Like right now it's like Augie the Jedi and his adventures through space because he's super into Star Wars. Yeah.
And it's completely transformed bedtime. So the mom win really goes to my teacher, Lexi. Thank you, Lexi. Yeah. It's working so well. So I wanted to talk about it and just like, you know, I think there's also this thing where it's like, Sometimes I feel like I'm overdoing it, like reading all the parenting books and going to these classes and everyone's like, just trust your instinct. But there are things to be learned from other people who've been there, you know, who've done it, who have some education and child development. And this is a great example.
Shanna
I mean, you'll get by on your instincts, but it might be better if you just learn something and try it out. So yeah, that's a huge mom win.
Laura
Yeah. So my mom win is planned check-ins at bedtime as counterintuitive as it seems. It's working for us. I know.
Shanna
It seems scary, right, to like go in, like it'll. make them more jazzed up or wake them up, you know, if you think of going in when they're already asleep. It's like, no, don't even dare. But that's a good one. I'm going to keep that one in my back pocket in case we need it for sure.
Laura
Also, I realized like there was a day where I left my cell phone in Augie's room. This is back at the old house. When he was asleep, I had to go in and get it for some reason. I just couldn't not have it. I needed it for work or something. Who knows? And I was terrified of going in. And I realized that once they're asleep, especially that first chunk of sleep, you could probably go in Turn on the lights have a dance party. They are so fucking tired Yeah, it's really not that that disruptive so like that let check in that final check-in that we do when he's like actually asleep It doesn't matter like he's out. He doesn't know.
Shanna
Okay.
Laura
That's good to know Yeah, but anyway, that is my mom when Shanna would you have one for us? I do it'd be weird if you didn't since that's the segment
Shanna
Yes. I have a long list of mom fails, but no mom wins. No, I was able to find a mom win. Yay. It starts out on a sunny Tuesday afternoon. I'm in a two-hour Zoom meeting for work. Those are always so fun.
Laura
There should be a cap on length of Zoom meetings. I'm sorry. Like no one can focus for that long on a fucking Zoom.
Shanna
I know. It was intense. It was like an orientation meeting. It was like a big thing. And so I was in my office for that. And Steve, you know, he also has a full-time job. He works from home. But he was out in the living room with the girls on his laptop doing work while also multitasking and supervising. That's just how our life is. Pandemic life. Yes, exactly. Elle was home from school and she and CeCe were playing together and keeping themselves entertained, doing God knows what. Right, because I was in Zoomland. Who knows? But I come out two hours later and they run up to me and they are covered head to toe naked, of course, because my girls just love to run around naked. They hate clothes. Head to toe in stripes. What?
Stripes that they had drawn on their body. And you know, I'm like, okay, I know like deep in the pandemic before school or anything, occasionally they would get in a markers and do cheetah spots. And I'd be like, okay, let's like be cheetahs, right? I think I've even talked about that before on the show. So I allowed it, right? And this was not parent sanctioned. This is something they did on their own when Nolan was paying attention. And I was like, gosh, I really hope those stripes come off because Elle has school tomorrow, right? Like when there was no school, who really cares if they have marker on their skin? But I'm like, she had marker on her face, like stripes going down the middle of her face. Stripes on her chest, stripes all on her arms, stripes all over the front and back of her legs, stripes in her butt crack, stripes on her vulva, stripes. That's impressive. Everywhere.
So let me just show you a picture of the stripes on her face so you can get an idea. All right, I need to see this. Okay, let me find it. Ah, here it is. Sending this, if I can figure out my phone. Okay, here's a picture.
Laura
I was picturing vertical stripes. These are horizontal stripes.
Shanna
These are. They're horizontal. You can't see it in this photo, but if she were to close her eyes, you would see that they're also on her eyelids.
Laura
So I just want to describe for the listeners, so she has deep blue, like a navy blue marker across her forehead, across the bridge of her nose, onto the tip of her nose, all around her mouth, on her arms, I can see. She also looks so serious in this photo.
Shanna
Yeah, she was not happy about me taking this picture. I went and found her and I was like, let me take a picture of your face. The reason is that I wanted to share it with my mom's group because I needed advice on how to get rid of the marker because upon trying to clean the marker off her face, I realized it was not washable. It was a permanent marker. She used a Sharpie. It wasn't a Sharpie. I don't know if it's technically permanent. It's a scented marker that her grandma got her like a whole set of like, you know, Mr. Sensey.
Laura
So somewhere in between, somewhere in between, not a Sharpie, but not one of those like super washable Crayolas you get. Exactly. She must have smelled great though. They do.
Shanna
She smelled like a blueberry. It was fabulous.
Usually when I wash marker off of them, it's just soap and water in the bathtub and it comes off mostly. You know, this I was doing that and it was fading ever so slightly. I mean, just barely. And I'm just like, oh my God, it's not appropriate for me to send her to kindergarten with stripes on her face. Like would they even let her in there? It's a distraction. I don't know. I was embarrassed. I just didn't want it to happen.
Laura
I mean, I think the solution for me would be like she's wearing a mask, right? So you can take care of half her face. Then just cut bangs. This is the situation where you have to cut bangs.
Shanna
Sorry, kid. You did it to yourself. And I was like, she can go to school with long pants, long sleeves. Steve's like, honey, it's 99 degrees tomorrow. We're not sending her in though. So I was like, shit, I got to solve this problem. So I took the picture of her and sent it to my mom's group and was like, does anybody have advice, please? And lots of people were chiming in. I got a lot of great suggestions. My next hurdle was how am I going to scrub the shit out of her skin with all of this stuff? Like, she fights me washing her body in the bathtub on a regular basis, and now I've got to try to take all of these ingredients and put them on her skin, right, without her fighting.
Laura
Okay, wait, are you going to tell us, like, what are these supplies?
Shanna
Yes, yes, I'll get to that in a second.
Laura
Okay, okay, we're waiting, we're waiting because I'm sure there's someone listening right now. Someone who listened to this, let's say, let's project in the future. They listened to it when they had a baby and then fast forward three years and their kid did this and they're like, wait, I heard that on BFP three years ago. Like, I gotta go find it. So right now they're sitting here being like, tell us what you used.
Shanna
You don't even know yet if I got this off. Well, this is the mom wins segment. So I'm guessing. Well, maybe I did end up cutting her bangs in the end. We don't know. Yet, leaving the listeners on the edge of their seat here. Okay, go on, go on. So I gathered some supplies and decided to approach her in a very exciting way that would make her not resist all of these efforts. I was like, L. I need your help. We need to do some experiments." And she's like, what? She loves science, right? All her favorite shows have to do with science and experiments and all this stuff. So she's like, okay. And she was totally on board. I'm like, all right, come here. We have olive oil, which we're going to try, because someone in the group suggested coconut oil, which I didn't have, but I was like, oil, olive oil, sure. We have olive oil. We have micellar water.
We have alcohol, rubbing alcohol, hand sanitizer. We have nail polish remover. We have shaving cream. Like everything, right? I'm like, we got to do an experiment and see which one of these will take the marker off of your skin. Because everyone was like, oh, try this. Alcohol always works for permanent marker on my kids skin. Oh, try oil. It always helps. Like, all right, we're going to do this. I've got like the cotton pads, like little cotton rounds that we're applying. And I try the olive oil. Nothing. That does absolutely nothing. Next, the micellar water. Just absolutely nothing, right? I usually use that to remove makeup. So I was like, this is going to be a sure bet. No, not a budge. Then I try hand sanitizer and I put it on one of the stripes on her leg first, you know, see if it would do anything. And it kind of made it fade a bit. It was like the best choice so far.
But I really had to rub on her skin to get that fading. And I'm like, I'm not going to slather her face in hand sanitizer. Yeah, that's rough on the skin too. Yeah, her poor little skin. And same with the rubbing alcohol, I tried that too, just to see. And same thing, shaving cream, nothing. So none of this stuff is working. And I'm just like, oh my God, her teacher's going to be like, what is going on?
And then a mom chimed in and she was like, I'm an artist's daughter. This is what you need. And she posted a link to lava hand soap. Have you heard of this stuff?
Laura
Oh yeah, lava soap. I mean, I've used it once or twice in like artsy contexts. Yeah. Yeah, it's like grainy, extremely grainy soap basically, right?
Shanna
Yes. It's called heavy duty soap. It's grainy. And I usually associate it with like people working in garages, like what people use to scrub their hands to get grease and oil off their hands at the end of the day. I worked for a short while as like a receptionist at a garage, like an auto repair garage. And I just imagined like that's what they, I know.
Laura
You've lived so many lives.
Shanna
I don't know anything about it. I've known you for so long. Yes, I also worked for one day at AutoZone as a cashier. That was like, why am I here? I don't give a shit about cars. So I quit.
Laura
Wow, okay. You gotta try everything once. No wonder you're so good at storytelling. You have so many fun stories. Okay. Going back to the lava soap though.
Shanna
Okay, lava soap. So that was the thing I did not have on hand. And she had sent me a link to like Amazon to get it right. And I was like, Oh God, I don't want to wait a day or two to get soap. We're going to get this soap. And she's like, they often sell it at hardware stores. And I was like, Oh, perfect, because we live like three blocks from a hardware store. And I called up and I was like, do you sell lava heavy duty hand soap? And she's like, yes, ma'am, I sure do. And I'm like, wonderful. I'm like, wait, where is it in the store? And she's like, it's aisle 19. You just go down and take a ride and you walk down and it's near all the hub, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, perfect. I'm like, Steve, please, while I'm making dinner, will you go to the hardware store and get some lava soap?
And I didn't know what he was going to say, quite honestly, because I thought maybe he would think I was taking this too far, like making a big deal out of it. Like, you know, kids draw on themselves, get over it, Sean. You know, he did not have that attitude. But in my mind, I was building this story in insecurity, like maybe I was Just making too much of it, you know, and trying too hard. I totally get that. I totally get that. Right. Like, who cares? Let them go to school with marker on their face. But I was pretty determined to do at least everything I could to try. And he said, yes. I was like, okay, good. And he was back within five minutes. He knew exactly where to go at 19.
Laura
That is such a smart question to ask, by the way. Like, I don't know why I don't do that more often. Like, just ask where the damn thing is. I can't tell you how many hours I've wasted wandering in circles around fucking Home Depot trying to find something. Which, by the way, you know what else you can do? You can go on the Home Depot app or their website, look up something, and it'll tell you what aisle it's in, in that particular store that you're in. Just a tip. But I never remember that. I love that. I do that at Target, too. Target, yes, yes. Anyway, okay, just wanted to digress and give you a gold star for doing that.
Shanna
Okay, so he went to aisle 19. He got the lava soap. He got the lava soap. And after dinner, it was bath time. We did not do sister bath this time because I didn't want CECE in the bath with the heavy duty hand soap, water, whatever. I let L soak for a while, just get that skin nice and soaked, and this is our ultimate experiment. This is our lava soap, and I got a washcloth and just put so much gritty soap on it.
so heavy with weight from heavy duty soap. And I started scrubbing her forehead first and I'll be damned. That marker came off within seconds. Yes. Amazing. I could not believe it. I was like, Oh my God. Yeah. And I scrub the rest of her face and let me send you the picture of the after, okay? Okay, right after her back. Okay, sending you the picture of right after the bath. Okay, let's see.
Laura
Oh, fresh-faced. Right. Little pink from the exfoliating, I think, but no worse for wear. She got a nice exfoliating facial. Wow. I mean, you can't see anything.
Shanna
You can't see anything. And you know, it did take a little extra scrubbing and her arms and legs. I wasn't that concerned with that. You know, I was like, yeah, whatever. She can have some faded lines on those part. I'm not going to I'm not going to subject her to rough scrubbing on the rest of her body to get it. Like her, what's presentable in class is clean. And so she was able to go to school the next day with a nice fresh clean face, not striped like zebra. I honestly don't even know what animal she was trying to be because I was so caught up in the permanence of it. But yeah, I succeeded. Yay. I think she was trying to be a Picasso painting. Yeah, I think so. Yeah.
Laura
Well, that is a major win and big kudos to whatever mom gave you that tip.
Shanna
Oh, I know. I posted the picture of the after in the mom's group and I was like, special shout out. Thank you so much for this tip. And I'll be sure to post the link to this soap on our show notes because if you ever come into this situation, definitely go get this soap. OK, I feel like I should just have some on hand. Yeah, I'm really glad I have some on hands now, actually.
Laura
All right. Well, that was enlightening and fun. And our children remain rested and unstriped. Yay. Good job, Laura. Yay us. Good job, Shanna. Thanks. So shall we wrap this segment up and move on to our BFPs and BFNs? I think we should.
Okay, we are back and we close every episode with a Big Fat Positive or a big fat negative of the week. Shanna, do you have a BFP or a BFN? BFN.
Shanna
Okay, so I think it was last week or the week before I was exalting the bed switch up with my girls. The bump bed was amazing and CeCe's full bed transition was amazing and she loved it and it's so cozy and it was all going so great. Well, I also talked about how Elle was sick, right? And then Cece caught it and got sick too. So at the very beginning of this week, she was still dealing with some of that sickness and was really disrupting her sleep. Like it was really hard. She was waking up a lot at night and having a lot of trouble sleeping. And this was right after we switched her to her new big bed, right? And so it kind of disrupted this nice transition I had going.
And in the middle of the night, the other night, she was stirring because she was sick and not feeling well and just getting herself really worked up into almost like a night terror type of thing, which, as you and our listeners know, she's been dealing with for her whole life, basically. And I think what happened is that she forgot that she was in a big bed. And one thing she would usually do when she's all worked up like this is like stand up and go to the edge of her crib and like lean on the edge and like scream and cry for us. And what happened is I watched this back on the camera, is she got up out of bed in her big full bed and started walking, I think, towards what she thought was going to be the crib and instead tripped on the edge of the bumper. We have like a bumper so she doesn't roll out of bed, you know what I mean? She tripped on it and fell out of bed head first.
straight onto the wood floor and just like screaming in pain. And it's like the saddest thing to watch. She just like in a day stands up, walks, trips and falls over on the floor. My poor baby.
Oh, were you awake at the time? I was awake. It was pretty late. Um, and I hadn't gone to bed quite yet. So I was like, looking at my phone in the bedroom and I hear crash scream. I'm like, Oh my God. And I just run in immediately cause I assumed she'd fallen out of bed somehow. thought she rolled out of bed at the very least. And I picked her up and gave her comfort and everything. And she calmed down eventually and was able to go back to bed. But then I watched back later to see what had happened. And it was just like the craziest accident. And we also put the nuggets next to her bed after that. Because she needed some kind of landing pad.
Laura
The main use of the nugget, yeah. The main use of the nugget these days is to like protect children falling out of their beds and cribs, my god.
Shanna
Yes. So it's there and she hasn't fallen out again. She's never rolled out of bed in her sleep. It's been great. But now I'm a nervous wreck about it. And I don't know if that's ever going to happen again because she gets in these, you know, fits in these night terrors occasionally. And like, is she going to injure herself? I don't know.
Laura
I feel like they learn really fast. So now she knows, you know what I mean, even though she was like a half asleep or whatever, like the body remembers, right? Like I don't, I think hopefully you'll be okay. But also you have the nugget there now. So like if she does it again, she just falls on the nugget, which is like a perfect landing pad.
Shanna
It is. I just have to make sure to clear the nugget of crap before she goes to bed, because half the time it has books with book corners up every which way. And I'm like, great, she's going to fall and poke out an eye on the corner of the elephant and piggy book. But yeah, it's better now that it's not just a wood floor landing. So that's good.
Laura
Yeah. Oh, man, that sucks. I know that feeling because the same thing happened to us. We didn't have footage to check back on, though, because we took the Wi-Fi camera out of his room. So I'm kind of glad for it, because I don't know if I'd want that image.
Shanna
Oh, him bonking his head. Yeah. It's not fun to watch, that's for sure. But yeah, that's ours. But overall, the bed transition is still going well, and she likes it and stuff. So hopefully it just keeps going well. Oh, good. OK. What about you? What do you have for us this week? You know, I also have a BFN. Oh my gosh. I don't think we've ever both had a BFN at the same time.
Laura
That's a really good question. I wonder if we have. I don't know. Well, here we are. 170 episodes in and it's happened. Mine is picky eating. Okay. From the toddler? From the toddler. The baby doesn't give a shit like the baby. The baby has his milk and the baby has the purees we give him and he loves all of it. No, it's okay. So Aki, he used to be a very adventurous eater, like up until I want to say one and a half maybe, he would try everything. Like everything, everything, everything. And I was so smug and like had really patted myself on the back about doing things right. You know, I had like exposed him to all these vegetables and different flavors and textures early on. And I was really setting the table for an adventurous and good eater. And I've talked about this before, but he's gotten pickier and pickier.
And lately it's just starting to get to the point where I'm like, should I be worried? Because before I was sort of like, oh, whatever, it's normal for a toddler to get picky, whatever. But then I heard someone say like, oh, well, if their list of things they eat is less than 20, like if you can count up the foods that they will eat and it's lower and there's less than 20 foods that they'll eat, like you might need to see like a feeding therapist or something. And I'm like, okay. I don't know. I mean, I think I've saw that on some kind of like feeding Instagram reel. I don't even know. TikTok, who knows? So who knows if it's right? Maybe one of our listeners does. But of course that tells me into like a tailspin because now I'm like trying to tally up the foods he eats. And I'm like, well, do raspberries and blueberries kind of separate foods?
You know, like do all the fruits kind of separate foods because he likes different fruits, you know? And I'm like, they do, they must. And I was able to get up to 20, a little over 20, maybe like 25. But it's just narrowing and narrowing. And I feel like it's very hard because I'm trying to do this like division of responsibility thing where like I just offer the foods and he gets to decide whether he eats them or not. And I try to every night, you know, on his plate, there's two things I know he'll eat. And one thing that's sort of like a more out there adventurous choice, like a vegetable or because like the kid will not eat a vegetable unless you count potatoes as vegetables, which I don't.
Shanna
Yeah.
Laura
They're like they're a tuber. It's a little different, right? I mean, I guess they're a vegetable, but it's not like like there's zero vegetables right now on his list. He used to eat avocado, which I think may even technically be a fruit. Won't eat it anymore. And I'm trying to be low pressure about it because everyone says like the more of a big deal you make, the less they eat. So I'm trying to be like, absolutely not like making him taste it, not making him do anything he doesn't want to do. And yet it keeps getting worse and worse. And I'm like, I just don't know what to do. So yeah, that's kind of my BFN And I'm sure that my anxiety about it isn't helping because as much as I try to be chill about it at dinner Like he can probably sense that I have like expectations like I'm trying to I'm trying to not say them, but I'm still like sorry Those are not.
Shanna
Does he ignore those things and yet he's still full? Like he's eaten enough or does he ignore those things? And then he like asks for snacks and like he's actually hungry.
Laura
It's both. So some nights he's just not hungry and he doesn't want to eat it. And it could be because we gave him a snack too close to dinner, right? And then there's also nights where it's like he says he's not hungry. He won't eat anything. We try not to force it. And then he wants a snack before bed. you know, or he like is asking for a snack bar immediately after we clear dinner, right? So yeah, it's tough. I just don't know. Like I just don't know what to do. Have you guys tried smoothies? Oh yeah, he won't touch a smoothie. We made them together because I thought like, let's make them together. And I didn't even try to do anything fancy. I put like yogurt and berries and honey in it because it's like, I know he eats those three things, no problem, right? We put them all in the blender together. He had fun doing that, and we put it all together. He didn't want it. He didn't want it.
It's so interesting to me. Wow. And I don't think it's like a sensory processing thing, like a texture issue, because I think it's more like a power issue. Like he wants to be able to control things. But I don't know who knows. So I don't really have an answer. That's why it's a BFN. I'm just going to try to start reading more about it, try to do what I can to like let it go. Because I know that the Ellen Satter approach is like, let it go. You know, like it's not in your control. You you offer them. You are the when and the what of dinner or meals and they are the weather and the how much. But like when you're looking at your kid and you know, he's like, hasn't even touched dinner. She's like,
Shanna
Yeah, I know that's frustrating because CECE has been having that appetite slump so she oftentimes eats hardly anything at dinner. It's not that she's picky, it's just that she just doesn't want to eat and I'm always like, but you're going to be so hungry and she's always fine, which I just keep trying to remind myself of. Instead of plating up for him and giving him a plate of food, put a few bowls of things on the table and it's like a serve yourself style. They used to do that at L's preschool. They would put big bowls of vegetables and then a big bowl of fish and a big bowl of rice at lunch. And the kids would take what they wanted out of each bowl and it didn't matter what they took really, but they got to serve themselves at that age. Do you think he might do something like that?
Laura
find that's worth a try. Yeah, like do a family style thing. I mean, in that situation, I think he would probably just have a big plate of rice for dinner. But I mean, I guess that's the whole point, right? Is like, that's okay. If that's one of the options and that's what he does, that's okay. So yeah, maybe we should try that. He does like to have control. So that would give him some control. I also think I do think we're like giving him a bit too much of like the snack time like we're And I'm worried he's getting over hungry and so I like give him more snacks than he probably needs So I think I need to pair that back a little bit, but yeah Yeah, it's just we need to do that in our house too, but it's hard because it's all afternoon mama
Shanna
No, I'm hungry. I need a snack. I need a snack. It's like, oh, Kurt, just have a bar. I need to get work done. Mm-hmm.
Laura
Mm-hmm. And, you know, he's still tired because he's not napping. And so, like, the afternoon is so hard. And so it's just like, yeah, you can have a snack and watch Gabby's dollhouse. Fine.
Shanna
Yeah.
Laura
But anyway, but yeah, that's my BFN. Hopefully I'll have a check in soon. That'll be like he's eating whatever he had a pee.
Shanna
Yeah, I hope so. What about popsicles? Have you made like fruit veggie popsicles?
Laura
He loves commercial popsicles. He will not touch the popsicles I make from smoothies. Will not touch.
Shanna
Oh, Augie, why you gotta be so stressful?
Laura
It's just he... ugh. Yes, I agreed. Agree with that statement 100%. But anyway, that's my BFN for the week and I think I need to go feed myself. Yes. Whether or not he wants anything nutritious, I need some vegetables in my life. So let's wrap this up. All right.
Shanna
Listeners, do you have any mom wins that you want to share with us? We would love to hear them. Laura, where can everyone reach us?
Laura
We are on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok at BFP Podcast. We have a website, bigpatpositivepodcast.com. If you want to send us an email, you can always include a voice memo in that email. You know we love them. Just send it to contact at bigpatpositivepodcast.com. And finally, if you want to join a super cool group of people on the internet, search Facebook for Big Fat Positive Community, request to join. Answer the two membership questions so we know you're not a robot, and then I will send you straight through to the coolest group on the internet.
Shanna
If you love our show, please rate and review us wherever you listen to podcasts. Let others know that you love our show and we are worth taking a chance on. And spread the word. Let your friends know about BFP. Our show is produced by Laura Birek, Shanna Micko, and Steve Yager. Thanks for listening, everyone. Bye. Bye.