Our Favorite Kids’ Books – Ep. 169

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Shanna

Hi, welcome to Big Fat Positive with Shanna and Laura. On this week's episode, we have our weekly check-ins. We have our special segment, Check in the Inbox, part two, where we talk about books, breastfeeding toddlers, and more. And we wrap it up with our weekly BFPs and BFNs. Let's get started. Hi, everyone. Welcome to the show. This is episode 169. Hi, Laura.

Laura

169.

Shanna

Oh my gosh. I'm pretty sure you cackled about that 100 episodes ago.

Laura

I'm pretty sure I did too. Look, if I have to make the same juvenile joke once every 100 episodes, I'm going to do it. I'm going to take that opportunity.

Shanna

Listeners, be sure to tune in for episode 269 for when this will happen again. I guarantee it. I guarantee it. Amazing. Okay. So that's out of the way. Why don't we dive into your check-in? What's going on with you guys? How are the kiddos?

Laura

So last week, we had our COVID week, and thankfully, everyone was already on the mend by the time we recorded last week. And as you can probably tell by my ease of joking about 69s, we're doing much better this week. Yay! Yeah, Aki is back in school. He's totally healthy again. And Sebastian is also totally back to normal health-wise. So we're feeling much better in that respect. And yeah, we're just trying to get back into a rhythm, you know? We were so close to getting into a routine and a rhythm with our new nanny, Eliza, and with school, and then this whole COVID quarantine week just through everything. into like a tailspin and back to zero. So now we're just focusing on trying to get back into a routine and a rhythm. So one of the most important aspects of that is making sure that Augie feels comfortable going back to school. And, you know, he only did two days.

I said he went to a week of school, but that is two days because he only goes to say Thursday.

Shanna

Right.

Laura

And, you know, those two days of school went great. I had mentioned how he didn't have any crying and he was excited and he said he wanted to go back to school. Well, this week was a little more complicated. he started to say things like, I'm scared of school. And he started talking about how he had cried at school. I guess he didn't cry at drop off either day this week, but he apparently cried when he was like at school because he missed us. And, you know, we only get this information from him for the most part, because the teachers aren't really, you know, they're not writing back to say the kid cried for a little bit during the day, because like if they did that, they'd probably spend their whole day writing reports about how many toddlers cried in their class, right? Yes.

So the only inkling we got that things were not perfect while he was at school is that we get pictures throughout the day through this Brightwheel app. And there was a picture of him like sitting on one of his teacher's laps and he was getting a big hug from her and I was like and he looked kind of sad and then later like that night in the bathtub we were just sort of chilling out like he was in the bathtub playing with his toys and I was just sitting there. And out of nowhere he said, who's Gabby? And I was like, who's Gabby? And I was like, I don't, who are you talking about Gabby? And he's like, teacher Gabby. And I was like, oh, that's your teacher, teacher Gabby. He's like, mm-hmm. I cried for teacher Gabby. Teacher Gabby said mommy wasn't coming. It was like, oh jeez.

And by the way, teacher Gabby, if you somehow are listening to this, like I do not expect that that's actually what you said or blame you at all. You probably were like, oh, mommy's coming later. You know, we're at school right now. So I'm gathering there was some drama there, but it's really hard to parse when you're getting it all through the lens of a two and a half year old. who admittedly has really great verbal skills but not great like sequential recall skills, right? Like he doesn't understand time really. So like instead of saying yesterday I did something or tomorrow I'm going to do something, he'll say like tomorrow day I cried or stuff like that where you're like, oh well I think you mean yesterday or earlier today but Yeah. So he's starting to show some signs that he's a little nervous about school and we're just trying to be supportive and I don't know.

I don't know what else you do.

Shanna

Yeah. Do you think it's because he had the start-stop of going and then getting to stay home all week and then going back? Do you think that disrupted him in a way that made him more emotional? I definitely don't think that helped.

Laura

You know, like it didn't. I probably felt like two days of a weird vacation and then it got back to his like ideal world, which is mommy and daddy and no one else, you know, home all the time. So yeah, or it could be this thing where he kind of has like delayed processing of things sometimes. Like I feel like the same thing happened when Sebastian was born. Like at first he didn't even really register it so much. And then a couple of weeks later, his like sleep problems started to happen. He started to like need us more and show signs that it was definitely disturbing him. You know, but like the day Sebastian came home from the hospital. He was like, yeah, like nothing had changed.

Shanna

Mm hmm. So yeah, it takes a while for reality to sink into their little brains. I know. Even Elle, you know, she started kindergarten a couple of weeks ago and it was no problem. It was just like, yeah, let's go. And, you know, now it's like, oh, that's a place I have to go every day for six hours a day. and it's all kind of sinking in and so there's a little bit more hesitation and I'm hearing that a lot from people in my parenting groups is like after a few days like it's all kind of hitting them and they're realizing it. So I'm sure something like that's happening with him too. Well, that makes sense.

Laura

And that also makes me feel better because I kind of felt like maybe the COVID thing had kind of screwed it up so bad that we were permanently messed up. But if it's a common thing, it's just something we'll have to work through, I guess. Yeah. But yeah, so we're trying to get back in the rhythm there and then just a couple of cute little updates about Sebastian. He is completely on the move, this little guy. Yeah. He's still six months. He'll be seven months next week. This kid, he's not like crawling hands and knees, but he is rolling everywhere like with purpose, you know? Like, he sees something he wants across the room and he's like, okay, I got my sights set on it, I know my trajectory, time to roll. And he just like, roll, roll, roll. And then that's, he's been doing that for a couple of weeks now, but he's added into this some like scooching, some like army crawling.

So he'll roll, roll, roll, get onto his belly. And then he gets his little foot and like rotates himself to be in the right position. And he like can scooch himself forward now to like get the toy on his tummy. And it's just it's really cute.

Shanna

So cute. So cute. And of course, I'm picturing it all with his little helmet.

Laura

The helmet. So the helmet, I think, is making him go a little faster with this stuff. It's like giving him overconfidence shot.

because he doesn't bonk. You have to really thwack his head to get a proper, like, I'm going to cry because that hurt, bonk. So he's just like, oh, I'm in sitting position, but I want to go over there. I'm just going to topple myself over, thunk, roll, thunk, thunk, thunk. But we have carbon flage. And then he's like totally on phase. And I'm super worried about what's going to happen when he gets his helmet off.

He doesn't know that his head is tender. Right. Yeah, that's going to be a wake up call. Yeah. And speaking of getting his helmet off, so he was actually supposed to get his helmet like evaluation last week, but we obviously had to put that off because of the COVID. So we went for a checkup this week and he's doing really really well with that It's actually to the point where we can kind of decide whether or not we want to keep going with it Oh, can you see a difference in his head huge? Yeah, it's so obvious when you take it off I mean we still only take it off for like an hour a day to clean it and to like have his bath and stuff But his head is just like turning into this like perfectly round little little pumpkin And compared to how it used to be where it's like, you'd catch him at the right angle and you're like, whoa, dude, that's a flat spot right there.

But yeah, no, he's got a round little noggin now. I mean, the actual number is 4.7 millimeters of asymmetry. So he started at like over 12 millimeters of asymmetry. And The place I go to generally doesn't treat if you have less than six millimeters of asymmetry. So like if he had come in with a head like this at the beginning, they would have said, oh, you don't need a helmet. Okay. So you're going to keep going with it? Yeah. We're going to keep going with it because he doesn't mind it and it still fits him. So like it's at the point where if we take it off, he'll have this little bit of asymmetry and it probably won't be noticeable. But if we keep it on him, it'll just keep improving. and be less likely to revert or get worse once we take it off. So we're just going to keep it on. We have another appointment in about a month and see where it goes from there.

If he starts to get fussy or if it starts to not fit him or if it gets like red spots, we'll just, you know, call it. But yeah, for now, he doesn't mind it. And I kind of like the extra protection it gives him for rolling around like a maniac. Yeah, that's true.

Shanna

Yeah, I would be worried about what would happen if you took it off and we're done with it.

Laura

Like, would it go back to the way it was before? Well, apparently, no, because apparently, you know, he's not sleeping on his back anymore. He's so much more mobile. So, you know, a lot of times it gets flat because kids are on their back, you know, when they're newborns and they don't have a lot of head control, they're just lying on their back in the same position. And that's why it gets flat or it happens in utero, right? But now they're grown, they're grown men, you know, you know, he's moving, he's sleeping on his tummy. He has a lot more like muscles in his neck pulling on it. So it's unlikely to revert if we just were to stop now. Oh, good. Yeah. Yeah. So helmet's been a success, but we're still going with it because we have it and we might as well. And I don't want to have to explain to him when he's like a teenager wanting to shave his head or something.

Why his head isn't like, you know, perfect and be like, oh, well, we could have made your head perfect, but we just didn't like it. We didn't like the helmet. We were we were sick of it. So.

Shanna

Yeah.

Laura

Yeah. So, yeah, they're just staying the course with that for now. But that's it for this week, really, for us. A lot less dramatic of a week. Thank God. Yay. Yay. How about you? What's up with you this week?

Shanna

Well, we have entered a landscape we have not experienced in a very long time, because, you know, the pandemic we've been living pretty quarantined since then, but Elle started school a week and a half ago and like that, she came home with a sore throat. Oh, God, come on. I know. It's just like, seriously, this school is like so good with these COVID precautions, right? Masking distance. health check-ins, all this stuff. So I'm just like, really, you've got to be lying to me because somehow as a five-year-old, you must have figured out that if you say you have a sore throat, you get to stay home. So at first I was like, I don't know. Is she lying? I don't know. I don't know. Is the COVID era get out of jail free card? Absolutely, because every morning I have to fill out a little form about her health, right? It's like in the last 24 hours, have you experienced any of the following?

And it's, you know, everything from cough to fever to sore throat to sniffly nose. And I was just like, well, she says she has a sore throat. So I'm just going to keep her home, you know, abundance of caution. She seemed fine otherwise. And before COVID honestly, I probably would have sent her to school on a day like this. But I did keep her home. And I'm glad I did because the next day she ended up having a fever and was congested. And then CECE started getting sick. So, you know, we've been dealing with that whole thing this week. The freaking first week of school, getting sick thing.

It's because all of these kids have been isolated for so dang long. No sicknesses. Their immune system is just like dying for something to work on, I think. I don't know. But as you know, having your kids get sick at this time is just like way more stressful than it ever was before because it's like, well, might have COVID. You get scared you get worried what's gonna happen gotta go figure out the testing and and all of that stuff.

Laura

Yeah totally i mean stuff you wouldn't ever think of before like others have a sore throat like no big deal same with us i mean he just had a very. low fever and the sniffles, like that's just being a kid. But no, then you have to go get COVID tested and all that stuff. And I'm not going to pretend I don't know, because you of course texted me. And maybe you're like, guess what's happening to us? So I know you went and got COVID tested. Do you want to tell us how that went?

Shanna

Yeah, we got her a COVID test at a drive-through pharmacy at the Walgreens. Like the first day she was sick. And oh my God, those results took forever. I'm like Googling like after two days, I'm Googling like why are these results taking so long? And I found out that the lab is like seriously delayed. I don't know why things are like really behind right now with results. Probably because everyone in their dog has COVID. I know, we're getting sick because everyone's back to school. So everyone's testing for it. So we got the at-home one and did that. And oh my God, just like you, it's such a nightmare, right? Trying to stick up your kid's nose for 15 seconds. Oh my God. She was like, ah! And every time she would jolt, it would poke her even harder. I'm like, just sit still and go faster. And that was negative.

But from your story, I was like, well, I don't think I can trust a negative result. We just waited and waited for those other ones. In the meantime, Cece got sick and had a fever and everything else. So we did the other home test on her. And she sat so still while we were doing that thing up her nose as if it were like a spa treatment. I couldn't even believe it. She was just like, I held her. Steve put it up her nose, like counted slow to 15. And she just sat there the whole time. Oh my gosh. I love her. She's so amazing. I know. I could not believe it. So we got a great sample on her and that one was negative. And then finally, like two and a half days later, we got the results from the Walgreens test and L was negative. And by this time she was totally fine. Like her symptoms were all gone. And I think we're going to send her to school tomorrow because That's what you do, right?

You get the test. Yeah. If they feel better, you send them back. So that's the whole new thing like as a parent. You're like, I don't know. I don't know what to do.

Laura

You have to trust the test and you have to, you know, if they're all better and the test is negative, like, yeah, send them to school. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. Also, I just love how with kids, they get these colds and they bounce back so fast. Meanwhile, if I get a freaking cold, I'm out for like three weeks. Like three weeks later, I'm like, I'm still achy. What's happening?

Shanna

That's so true. I remember being sick for just weeks on end, like in 2019, just sick, sick, sick. Oh yeah, it's like nothing ever happened. She's like fever, what fever? So that's good, I'm glad.

Laura

I still think you guys got COVID at the end of 2019. I'm still on the Shanna had COVID. But it was in the world then. I mean, it was in California then for sure. And you guys had this super intense unexplained virus that cost you guys to cough for weeks.

Shanna

For weeks, yeah. Yeah. We'll never know. But we're on the mend now. Oh, I'm so glad. Yeah, me too. But OK, two other small check-ins. Before Elle got sick this week, I had my appointment for my ultrasound to find my IUD. Remember, it got lost. Yes, Sean is missing IUD. I'm dying to know what happened. Oh my God, I had to go in for a pelvic ultrasound, a transvaginal ultrasound. I'm just like, seriously, I thought I was done with all of this. I was so annoyed. And then I had to wait a couple of days for those results. And the doctor called and she's like, it's fine. It's there. It's in a perfect position. Oh my God. And I was like. After all that? So wait, is the string just not there? What happened? I don't know. I forgot to ask her what happened to the string. So either I got a call back or I'm going in a few weeks for another follow-up visit. But it did not fall out. It was there.

I guess it wasn't a great position. It didn't puncture any organs.

I am fine. I am fine. Oh, good. Yes. Just the case of the missing string. Yeah, exactly. And then my last little update this week is CeCe because, you know, she's always doing insane things that I'm like, huh? This week she is so into QR codes and...

Laura

You could have asked me, like, guess what she's into? I will give you 100 hours to guess. Just never would I have gotten to QR codes. Can you explain what a QR code is for people who maybe don't know or like don't know what they're called?

Shanna

Yes, I didn't even know what these were for the longest time. You see them everywhere, they're little square, black and white, little things that you can scan with the camera on your phone and it will bring up a link to a website. So like if you're out and about and there's an advertisement for something and they have that little square QR code, you can just scan it on your phone and go and get the information about it right away.

Laura

They're cool. I'm such a dork. I used to have a QR code on my business card so that you just add my contact info to your iPhone without having to type anything. That is next level.

Shanna

Cece would love you. She would think it's very cool. Well, she can have like the 500 business cards I don't use anymore. I know who uses business cards anymore. Does anybody? I don't know.

Laura

I don't know. Maybe people do. I haven't left my house in a year and a half, so I don't know. Who knows what society is even doing right now. Do we wear pants still? I'm not sure.

Shanna

No, I don't. Not right now. Just kidding. Okay, so all of a sudden out of nowhere, Cece is just pointing at things, boxes, products, anything. And she's like, target, target, target, target. Did you get that from Target? Target, target. And I'm like, I'm like, yeah, I got your... your Pampers at Target because she still wears diapers at night. Yeah, why? And she was just doing this repeatedly. And so it's mostly QR codes that she'll point out. But occasionally, it will be just a regular bar code, like on the back of Mouthwash or something while we're brushing our teeth. She'll point out and she'll go, Target, Target, did you get that from Target? And I'm like, yeah, I got that from Target. And it is just gotten to obsession level. She points out QR codes and bar codes on everything and asks me if I got everything at Target.

And I don't know where this association came from, but she associates these things with Target, which she has not stepped foot into since she was about 13 months old. But she gathers the things I get from outside of the house come from somewhere and she thinks it's Target. and she thinks that every product with a QR code comes from Target and wants to know.

Laura

That is really cute. One day, we will have Take Sisi and Augie to target together.

Shanna

Yes, I think we should. Absolutely. Anyway, those are my updates for the week. I think we should move on to our special segment. Let's do it.

We're back and this week we're doing round two of Check in the Inbox because we got so many wonderful questions from all of you that we wanted to make sure we could answer as many as possible. So Laura, I think we should dive right in. Let's do it. Kim and Ashley both had a question about books. Ashley says, low priority question, but what are your kids' favorite books right now? I love Rex.

Laura

Yeah, and Kim actually asked you, Shanna. She said, Shanna, you mentioned that you often order books about important topics when they're recommended, like the bodies are cool book. Could you share others like this? So we have two book questions. Shanna, do you want to share a couple books? And then we have a little announcement at the end of this about where you can find more.

Shanna

Absolutely. So what I mentioned on a previous episode is that when I'm in my mom's groups and someone brings up a big topic, death, sex, gender, race, et cetera, and people have good recommendations for kids' books about those things, I go and buy them right away. Even if I don't think my kids are quite ready yet, right? Like Cici might not be ready for a book about sex yet. But hey, why not have it on the shelf to expose her to it soon? in an age-appropriate way. So here are a few of the other books I've gotten. One of them is called Lifetimes, The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children. I think that's a really sweet book. We've read it with both of the girls and that's always a difficult topic to broach, but it's good to have some kind of foundation for it, I think, because, you know, our little dog Chili is getting older and

You know, they see dead bugs and worry about them and stuff like that. So I really like that book. Again, it's called Lifetimes, The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children by Brian Maloney and Robert Engpin. It's for ages about three to five. It explains life and death in a sensitive, caring, beautiful way. Cool. I think I need to get that one because our cat is getting older.

Laura

Yes.

Also with Halloween coming up, I feel like we've been getting a lot of questions about death around here.

Shanna

Yes. So many skeletons and skulls. Yes. What's a graveyard?

It's a place where people go.

I mean, that's not incorrect. All right, so it's not the stork. That's a great one for understanding where babies come from, body parts, stuff like that. It's age appropriate. It's by Robi H. Harris. And it says online it's for ages about four to eight. But I think we've had it since Elle was like two, two and a half. Just around the house, on the shelf, available for exploring. Sometimes we read it together. It's got some funny little cartoon characters that chime in and add some humor. And we really, really like that one. Again, that one's called It's Not the Stork. And they have others in their series too. So the books become more age appropriate as the kids get older. So I think the next book in the series might talk about sex directly, whereas this one talks more about like sperm and egg and how a baby is made.

Laura

Yeah, and I actually have a book on that topic too that I got called What Makes a Baby. Do you have that one? Oh, uh-uh. This was also recommended to me in a mom's group. It's called What Makes a Baby by Corey Silverberg and Fiona Smith is the illustrator. And what's great about it is that it's completely inclusive of all the different ways babies are made. So it Talks about how a sperm and an egg get together, but not necessarily your mommy's egg and your daddy's sperm It's like some bodies have sperm some bodies have eggs like and how they get together So it's good if you are a parent like through surrogacy if you're parent through adoption if you're parent through ibf like it's actually Appropriate because I feel like it's got to be hard

If there's books like, well, mommy and daddy have sex, and then you have a baby, it's like, I'm in a same-sex relationship when we got pregnant through an IVF surrogate. Like, how is that going to work? That doesn't apply to us. So this book does. So I really like that one. Again, that's called What Makes a Baby by Corey Silverberg, illustrated by Fiona Smith.

Shanna

cool. I love it. I'm gonna have to get that one since I fall in that category of making a baby through IVF. And one more we really love in our house is called Our Skin, a first conversation about race. It's by Megan Madison and Jessica Raleigh. It's aimed at ages two to five, and it begins the conversation on race for children of a young age with a supportive approach that considers both the child and the adult. And we really, really love this book.

Laura

Okay, so now I have a lot more books to put in my shopping cart. Yes. And of course, we'll put these in our show notes. But the big announcement we have is that we get this question a lot. Like, I'd say this is our most common question we get, right, Shanna? Yeah, I think so. We get people messaging, oh, where do you guys have your favorite books? Like, what are your favorite books? And so we've decided to finally put together a list on our website. So if you go to bigfatpositivepodcast.com slash books or you just go to bigpappositivepodcast.com and find the link. There is now a page where you can see all of our favorite books and you can sort by category. So there's going to be a big list that you can sort by category or by like age appropriateness, stuff like that. And you can get it at bigpappositivepodcast.com slash books. And they're affiliate links.

So if you click through and purchase them from our links, we actually get a little bit of a commission from that so you can help our podcast that way as well.

Shanna

Yes. I'm so excited about this new resource, so go check it out. Laura, what's a favorite book of yours or Augie's right now?

Laura

I wanted to come up with a really sweet narrative book and tell you all about how wonderful it was, but I have to be honest. And if I'm going to tell you what Augie's 100% absolute favorite book is right now, it is The Star Wars Encyclopedia of Starfighters and Other Vehicles.

Shanna

Is this for kids or is this an adult book that he's fascinated with?

Laura

Really good question, Sean. I don't know. I mean, it's not not for kids. I mean, it's definitely for older kids if it's for kids because there's a lot of text on the page. Like here, let me send you a screenshot of a spread. So this is a screenshot of like one of the pages, right?

Shanna

Oh my God. Okay, this is definitely something Corey just had on the bookshelf that he's owned for a long time, right? And Augie found it? Oh, no. Oh, no.

Laura

He bought it specifically for Augie because he knew that Augie was getting so into Star Wars. And he was like, well, I'll get this. And I think Corey probably bought it because he thought he'd like to read it, you know, like read it with him. Yeah. But honestly, this is like the number one book right now. And he knows the names of like all of them.

Shanna

Anakin's Podracer, Sebula's Podracer. Oh, my God, these just look like random tools in the garage to me. I can't make any sense of this.

Laura

Oh, no, he knows. Like if I pointed to it and I said, oh, who's pod racer is that? He was like Anakin's like he knows. Yeah. So I can't be too upset because he's really engrossed in it. And any reading is good reading, right? It's just like there's only so many times I can point out the laser cannons on things like he's. But it is really cute. He'll be like, where are the Pew Pews? Where are the Pew Pews on this? Oh, my gosh. And he'll say, where's the cockpit? Where's the cockpit on this one? Okay.

Shanna

Wow. He's so into it. I love it. That's cool.

Laura

He's got a passion. He really does have a passion. So Star Wars Encyclopedia of Starfighters and Other Vehicles, apparently by someone named Landry Q Walker, which sounds like a fake name to me, but. Does. Walker. Come on. Yeah. But yeah, if you have a kid who's into Star Wars, can't beat it. How about you?

Shanna

Is there something your girls are really into? Oh, Cece is super into the elephant and piggy books right now by Mo Willems. She wasn't so into them for a long time when she was younger, but now she's really into them. She thinks they're so funny. We have one of the biggie volumes. It's like five different Elephant and Piggy stories like in one giant book and that's the one she wants to read at every bedtime every nap time She loves hopping around the stories. She grabs the book for me She's like no me and she's got the memorized. You know, she's like Darrell that how you broke your trunk. No She tells the story and it's so cute. I do love Elephant and Piggy. They're cute. I do too. I love their big emotions. They're fun to read and the kids really relate to all those big emotions. So it's fun.

Laura

Okay. So those are some good recommendations. And let's remember that you can always go to bigfatpositivepodcast.com slash books for more or just for the direct links to what we've talked about. Okay, so changing gears, we got a few questions about miscarriage, Shanna, that we wanted to talk about. And they're specifically for you because you had two miscarriages, right? And you've talked about them on the show. Okay, so both questions are kind of about how to deal with the nerves from a previous miscarriage when you're trying to conceive and pregnant. So one listener said, I was wondering if Shanna had any advice on getting excited about getting pregnant again and how to enjoy it once you are pregnant again. I'm worried that I will stress and not let myself get excited when I get pregnant again due to a previous miscarriage.

And another listener said the same thing, but she is pregnant again. And so she says, how can I calm my nerves during pregnancy after a miscarriage? And Shawnee, you've had these experiences. You've had to TTC after a miscarriage and you've gotten pregnant after a miscarriage. So how did you keep it together?

Shanna

Such a good question and my sympathies to listeners who've had miscarriages. I know what that's like and I know how hard and heartbreaking it can be. And I certainly know that it can be difficult to move forward and try to conceive again and get pregnant again and deal with all the anxiety. lived through it. I really have. Something about me and my personality is when I suffer a setback like this, I kind of bounce back with a gung-ho attitude, like, okay, well, that happened, but I'm going to bounce back and I will tackle this. So actually both times after I had my miscarriage, I immediately was like, all right, this is a problem to be solved. And if you've listened to this podcast, you know this about me and my personality. So I kind of pushed the fear and anxiety away and was like, what's the next step? For me, because I had had infertility problems and such,

it was going back to fertility doctor and being like, okay, that happened. What can we do next? And just having an action plan that really helped my frame of mind because everything I'd read is that just because you have one miscarriage does not mean you're more likely to have another one. So I felt pretty okay about being like, okay, I had that miscarriage. It doesn't mean I'm more likely to have another one. And I'd also read a lot about how miscarriage can sometimes prime your body in a way for a new pregnancy. And so those thoughts gave me some courage and helped alleviate my anxiety. Like maybe this next one will be better. So I did get pregnant pretty quickly after my first miscarriage and yeah, the anxiety set in really quickly because when you go through a loss the first time, that's in the back of your mind the whole time, right?

Because I had had a missed miscarriage, which means I thought I was pregnant. I went into the doctor for my ultrasound and they did not find a heartbeat. And so I was utterly shocked and floored at that appointment. So I had anxiety around ultrasound appointments. Every single time I went to one, I was a complete nervous wreck, like a tightness in my chest, in my stomach, the days leading up to these appointments, the, you know, the anatomy scan appointment where they check everything. Like all of these appointments were so anxiety producing for me. And I think I got through it by asking for help and support, right? My husband was very supportive and I was like, I absolutely can never go to one of these appointments alone. Like I need you to come with me. So he was able to come. I actually started seeing a therapist when I was pregnant with CeCe because the anxiety was so much.

Like I got pregnant with her after I'd had two miscarriages, right? I'd had my second one. And I just had so much tension on a daily basis about this and I just was not convinced that the baby was okay. And I started seeing a therapist and she was... Great. I really enjoyed talking to her and almost at every appointment she was like, but things are going fine. Right. And I was like, yeah, they are. She's like, and you just had a good appointment. Right. I'm like, yeah, I did. Just like, it sounds like things are going well. She was so positive and like, she acknowledged my anxieties, but also helped me. like settle into the reality of now and accept, you know, that things were actually going okay.

It's hard to accept that things are going okay because I always felt like, oh my God, if I think things are going well, that's gonna mean like the other shoe's gonna drop and like the things are gonna go wrong. And it was allowing myself to accept that things were okay. And I needed help to do that. I needed a therapist. I needed my friends to talk to. I needed Steve to talk to. The last thing, someone who's in a mom's group with me about infertility, IVF and all that stuff said something way back that always stuck with me. She gives us advice to a lot of us because we're all anxious about getting pregnant after loss. And she said, what I tell myself is, I'm pregnant until proven otherwise. My body is pregnant and I will just tell myself that mantra, I will believe it until told otherwise.

Whether it's a loss or do you have the baby and then you're not pregnant anymore, you just have to believe that your body is pregnant. And there's just something about that. She put an acronym with it too. It's like P-U-P-O. Poop-O. And so it's a funny acronym. I'm like going around my whole second pregnancy being like Poop-O, Shanna. Poop-O, Poop-O. Pregnant until proven otherwise. You're pregnant. Everything's fine. Everything's fine. So it was like just like a kind of a lighthearted mantra that helped settle my nerves.

Laura

That's all just super amazing advice on it. I love the poop-o thing. I think that's awesome. And I don't know if you realize it, but I think you just helped so, so many people out there who are going through this. I think that's not talked about enough. I think that it's talked about a little more these days, even just in the last year or so. with Chrissy Teigen being so open about it. And I just think it's starting to get a little bit more open in the world, but I'm just really proud of you for talking about it, because I know it was really hard for you to talk about at first.

Shanna

And- Oh, thank you. So yes, obviously there are so many complex feelings and emotions about this topic. I hope that my experience can just help even the smallest bit. Listeners, you can always reach out to me, to us, to others in our community on Facebook if you're going through something like this and we're here to support you. But for now, I think it's time to move on to our next question. Laura, Kendra wants to know how many times does Augie breastfeed per day? She says, I'm going to be in a similar situation.

Laura

If it was up to him, it would be like 20 times a day. I mean, the kid asks a lot, a lot. He wants to breastfeed pretty much any time the baby breastfeeds, and that's every two to three hours during the day. And yeah, it's a lot, but I don't let him. I have a little bit of a nursing aversion with him. I don't know if we've talked about it. It's just like, no. And by the way, like there's some gardeners outside. Sorry, guys. I'm just going to keep answering because I want to talk about this. But yeah, so I think it's actually really common from what I can tell it's really, really common when you're tandem nursing to have a little bit of an aversion when you're nursing the older child. I don't know if there's any research on it, but when I'm in the tandem nursing group on Facebook, I hear a lot about people having this problem.

And so I kind of have to like, I set a timer for two minutes when we nurse him because like I have to be distracted and I have to have an end because it kind of just like irritates me. I feel bad about it, but it just kind of irritates me. So not always. Some days it's very sweet. And some days I'm just like, kid, come on.

You can identify Anakin's pod racer like you can speak in full sentences like we don't need this too much. And then so most days it's twice a day. It's first thing in the morning after the baby nurses he has to have his boo boo time and then he'll like con me into it one other time a day. He's not napping anymore, so he used to be before nap, but now it's just sort of like, if I feel defeated and he's really upset, I'll nurse him sometime in the afternoon. But yeah, it's really two times a day. But that's because of me. That's 100% because I am keeping that boundary. And it's important to me to have that boundary because I'm nursing so much with the baby. I just can't do more than that. When the baby was first born, I was letting Augie kind of have as much as he wanted to kind of like let it be a bonding thing and blah, blah, blah. And that quickly became just way too much.

Like, first of all, I think it created an oversupply and some like engorgement for me. And then it also was just like, I was just so touched out. And it takes a lot. It takes a lot for me to be touched out. Like I'm a cuddly person. And even I was like, blah, just let me sit alone for a little bit. So, yeah. So to answer your question, Kendra, it's one to two times per day, 100% because I am limiting it to that. And it's okay. I'm here. This is like my PSA. It is okay to limit your toddler's nursing times. Like they don't need it supposedly for like, you know, like babies need formula or breast milk, right? Up until the age of one, the World Health Organization says you should nurse up to like two or whatever, right? There's all these recommendations. It's totally, it's good for them to nurse, right? There's nothing wrong with nursing a toddler, but you are allowed to limit it.

I read so much about moms who are nursing toddlers and they're like, I feel so bad cutting them off and I get that. Like it's hard to see them cry. It's hard to see them be upset for something that you could just be like, okay, fine, here, you have it. Like you can give them something to make them happy. So it feels weird withholding it, but it's really important for me to have that boundary because otherwise like it's a slippery slope. So if you're feeling the same way, I am here to give you permission to limit the amount of nursing sessions. It is A-okay to do that.

Shanna

I wonder if setting that boundary feels trickier because it is breastfeeding because I imagine my girls, they beg for milk constantly, just like cups of milk. Elle loves milk. It's like, can I have milk? She would drink probably 20 cups of milk a day. And I've never had a single issue with being like, no, you can't have that much milk. You get two cups of milk a day. And do you think because it's breastfeeding and something you did when he was little and did nourish him and give him life. Does it feel different in that way than any other type of food you would limit? Good question.

Laura

Yes and no. Like, I feel like I'm also kind of a pushover with food.

Like, if he's like, I want a snack bar. I'll just kind of be like, all right, fine, here I was. Actually, in a way, I'm more of a pushover with food because I'm like, okay, fine. Here, have a snack bar. I don't care. But when it's like my boobs attached to my body, I'm just like, I know. No, no, no. This is sucking the life out of me. Have a snack bar. I think it is, it does feel very personal, like they want something that you can give them and you're choosing not to. And that's all you, right? Like it really is one of those things where it's not like, oh, we're just out of milk or, oh, you know. Right. The doctor says only two cups of milk a day. No, it's like, no, I could give this to you. I'm choosing not to. And you have to own it, right? Like you have to be okay with that. And that's a really hard thing as a parent.

Like I find that really difficult in all parts of parenting, being like, I have the magic bullet that could solve your problems, but instead I'm going to let you have hard feelings. And it's like, ooh. That's tough. So tough. It's like TV, you know? Like when they're begging for TV and you don't want to give it to them, it's like, but I could and then they'll just stop complaining.

I know.

Shanna

Yeah, it's so hard.

Laura

Yeah. But anyway, good luck, Kendra. I hope that you are able to hold your own boundaries and do what you want to do.

Shanna

Our last question is from Sweetheart. She says, if the pandemic ended today, what would be the first activity you would do?

Laura

Well, it's hard to say. I would have a really clear answer if this was a year ago when we were really, really isolated and not seeing anyone and there was no vaccines. Now that things are opening up again, there's a little bit more freedoms. And now that the boys got COVID, we can do a little bit more because they have a little bit of natural immunity as well. it's a little bit of a hard question so i think what i'd really do is like travel internationally maybe like without fear like i really want to go to italy and eat pasta i don't know about going to italy with two kids like this is a fantasy world though right so like

Either that or I would have like a huge open house party, right? We're like, everyone and anyone can come, hang out, come and go. I don't have to ask anyone's vaccination status. I don't have to ask if anyone's been sick, no one's taking temperatures at the door, right? Like we're just having an old style like blowout for kids probably during the day or work around nap time and snacking.

Shanna

So you're not in the fantasy land anymore.

What about you? Okay, here's what I would do. I would immediately plan a trip for the family to either Hawaii or somewhere in Mexico to an all-inclusive resort where the kids can play and have fun. We can eat whatever the hell we want, drink whatever we want, not clean a thing, not lift a finger, just be purely fed and entertained and taken care of. for a week, at least. And I would beg my friends to come so we could all be there together and have like a huge fun vacation where we just have a great time. I would be there in a heartbeat. Let's do it.

Laura

Let's do it. Oh my God, it would be so fun. But you know what's interesting to me, though, is like people are doing these things, right? Well, maybe I mean, people are probably having like the big open house parties too, right? It's just we're not. So it's such a weird time, right? Because everyone's sort of got different levels of comfort and like willingness to do different things. And yeah, it's just it's weird. But I do wish I could, like, just snap my fingers and make it be over because I would very much like to go on a family vacation to, like, cancun with you guys. Oh my god! Stay in an all-inclusive resort and just relax.

Shanna

So fun, club met it up.

So fun. All right, we're going to make it happen. Well, thank you for that question, sweetheart. And thank you everybody for your questions. It's so, so fun to hear from you and answer everything you have to ask us. But Laura, I think it's time for us to move on to our BFPs and BFNs. Yes, it is.

We're back and we're gonna wrap things up with our weekly BFPs and BFNs. Laura, you're up first. What do you got for us? I have a BFN.

Laura

No. Yes. What is it? It is something called DeQuervane's tendonitis.

Shanna

Oh, I had that. Oh, yeah. Mommy thumb. Yeah.

Laura

Mommy thumb. You got it. Yep. I had to watch a couple of YouTube videos to make sure I was saying that right. It's lowercase d e uppercase q lowercase u e r v a i n apostrophe s. Tendo synovitis is the technical term. But there's a reason why people call it mommy thumb because it happens a lot in new moms and pregnant people apparently. And not to get too into it, but it's basically just like an inflammation of where your tendons and nerves go through this little like passage in your thumb. It's similar to carpal tunnel, but in a different spot. And it's just like painful thumb syndrome, basically. like painful hand and thumb syndrome. And I didn't get it last time, but this time I thought I was in the clear, but this week my thumb and my like the pad of your like palm, you know, like the big meaty part where your thumb attaches, it's been like cramping.

Like involuntarily, not that you ever have a voluntary cramp, but you know what I mean? Like all the time, it's just like spasming and curling in on itself. And it's very upsetting and very uncomfortable. Is it on both hands? No, thankfully it's just on my right hand. But of course, that's my dominant hand. So, but one thing I also noticed is that because like my thumb was cramping and hurting. I wasn't able to type properly on my phone because I used my thumbs to type. And this week, I'm just having the hardest time. I don't have the dexterity. I'm typing all the wrong letters and all this stuff. It's so weird. What was yours like? I don't remember that you had this.

Shanna

Yeah, it came on when Elle was a newborn and it was directly related to me picking her up repeatedly. Like that just put a lot of stress on the outside of my thumbs. I had it on both hands. It was so extreme that I went to see an orthopedist about it, a hand specialist, because I was like, this needs to stop. What is this? I had no idea about mommy thumb. I didn't know what that was. And I thought I was going to have to go to physical therapy and wear braces. And I was just devastated by the imagining this long road of recovery. And he gave me a shot of cortisone in each thumb, and it was gone within a couple of days and never came back. So it was like an amazing recovery. Yeah. That's awesome. But super, duper painful. I got it also with CECE here and there, but not as intense at all. Didn't really need treatment. Just came and went.

Laura

Yeah, and I'm hoping because I caught it early enough, like I knew it was a thing, probably because you had told me about it and it was in the back of my mind and I knew it existed, that I paid attention and I was like, okay, I need to like chill out. You know what I think might be contributing to it, which is kind of a weird thing, is Sebastian's helmet. So I notice it's worse when I'm nursing him on the right boob. And I think it's partially, like it's aggravated by the fact that his super hard helmet is pushing against my forearm, you know, on the thumb side, you know, because I'm kind of cradling him there. And so now I'm trying to be like really conscious about like how I'm moving my body, how I'm picking the kids up. I'm trying to keep my thumb relaxed and not do the thing where like you have your thumb flexed and around things like you're holding a water bottle.

Like, you know, I'm trying to keep my thumb next to my fingers as much as possible. And thankfully, I have a friend from mommy and me class who is a physical therapist. And so I messaged her and was like, hey, Holly, do you know what I should do about this? Because I really don't want to have to go to a doctor right now. And she is so sweet. She sent me like a whole PDF with specific exercises to do. So I'm going to start doing them. And there's one where you like you gently grab between your thumb joints, like so, you know, between the base of your thumb and the first joint or I guess the only joint of your actual thumb. and you gently pull out. And I have to say it feels so good that I've just like started doing it more often. So if you're suffering from this, like you could give that a try. It feels really good. So yeah, yeah.

Shanna

Have you done the De Quervain's test?

Laura

Yeah, yes. So remind me exactly how it works because Holly sent it to me when I was like super fucking tired. Like I think, you know, the kids had just recovered from COVID and I like barely remember it, but it's something like you make like a fist and you like tilt your.

Shanna

Hand down or something right yeah so hold out your arm your forearm and your hand and put your thumb like in the palm of your hand and then wrap your fingers around it and then bend your hand down and then if you get searing pain on the top edge of your thumb and along the top of your wrist there. That's basically proof that you have daiquir veins syndrome. And I remember when the orthopedist did that test on me, I was like, fucking shit, what are you doing to me? I mean, it was excruciating.

Laura

So mine is definitely not to that point, but it doesn't feel good. I did it on my left hand, and it's like, oh, that feels fine. Why is this a problem? And then I did it on my right hand, it's like, eh, that doesn't feel good. That kind of gives me a little bit of pain. Yeah, BFN. Yeah, I hope it feels better soon. That's not fun at all. Thank you. All right, so that is mine. Shanna, do you have a BFB or a BFN for us? I have a BFP. Oh, good.

Shanna

Have you checked out at the library these books called Vox books?

Laura

No. Okay. Okay. I'm curious because I have a guess based on the facts that they're called Vox, which means it has something to do with voice. Am I right?

Shanna

Good. Yes. Yes. This is my new favorite thing. I discovered these at the library before the pandemic, before things shut down. And I was like, I really could use these books during the pandemic because what they are are regular old books, but they have a reader like built into the cover of the book. So it's like a player and a speaker attached to the cover. And you check it out at the library. It's all juiced up in theory. Sometimes they're not juiced up and the kids are disappointed. But You take it home, the kid opens it up, you hit play, you can adjust the volume, whatever, and it's basically like a book on tape. Did you ever listen to books on tape when you were young? Like you have a cassette player, and it's like, when you hear this sound, ring, turn the page, you know? But you need like a player and headphones and all this stuff, and you don't need anything for this.

You just need the book, and it's got it all built in. So the kids hit play, and like, ring, turn the page and it occupies the kids on their own. Elle, of course, especially loves them because she's a little bit older and can really understand what's going on in the stories and everything. And it's just great. They can entertain themselves. It's just a wonderful way to not have a screen in front of them, but still be entertained. And I love these books. Vox books.

Laura

Okay. So this isn't like an add-on to normal books. This is like the brand of books.

Shanna

It's the brand of player, I think, because it's on lots of different books. I mean, books you would normally read, like The Day the Crayons Quit or The Bad Seed. These are regular old books that we've checked out before, but this company Vox puts these players into the books and has a reader that goes along with it. And of course I'm like, oh my God, I need like a whole library of these at home for my kids to entertain themselves. So I went and found the website. And I was really disappointed to find out that they're like $45 a book. So I'm not going to be buying them for myself. Or if you want, you can buy their entire collection of 278 books for $11,814. That's their super deal starter pack.

Laura

Super deal. I imagine that's for libraries and schools and stuff.

Shanna

Yeah, that's their major market. So I just wanted to bring to everyone's attention that these are available in libraries, at least the libraries we go to. There's a whole section for them and they're really fun and I love them.

Laura

Oh, we're gonna have to look because we now live walking distance from the Glendale Central Library. And we've gone a couple times. It's really fun. They have a great children's section and Augie is so into it. So I'm gonna have to look for that section. I'm sure they have them. They must. I bet they do. Awesome. Well, that's a great BFP. And I think That's a great episode that we just wrapped up.

Shanna

It was. And in large part listeners, because you shared all your wonderful questions with us, thank you again. If you have anything else you want to ask, please reach out Laura, where can everyone reach us?

Laura

We are on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and TikTok at BFP podcast. We have a website, BigBatPositivePodcast.com. If you want to send us an email, you can always include a voice memo into those emails. We love those. Seriously, send them as much as you want. We listen to every single one. Just send it to contact at BigBatPositivePodcast.com. And finally, if you want to join the coolest group of people on the internet, search Facebook for BigBatPositiveCommunity, request to join and answer both of the questions so we know you're not a robot, and then I will send you straight through to the most awesome community of people you will ever meet on the internet.

Shanna

If you love our show, please rate and review us wherever you listen to podcasts and spread the word. Let your friends know about BFP. Our show's produced by Laura Birek, Shanna Micko, and Steve Yager. Thanks for listening, everyone. Have a great week. Bye.

Our Favorite Kids’ Books – Ep. 169

September 27, 2021

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Show Notes:

This episode's sponsors:

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Episode Transcript

Our Favorite Kids’ Books – Ep. 169

September 27, 2021

Listen Now:

Show Notes:

This episode's sponsors:

Whisker Litter-Robot

Once Upon a Dance

Tags

Episode Transcript