Second-Child Problems No One Warns You About – Ep. 161

Shanna

Hi and welcome to Big Fat Positive with Shanna and Laura. On this week's episode, we have our weekly check-ins. We have our special segment, Internet Insanity, where we get into the topic of Danish dongles. We wrap it up with our weekly BFPs and BFNs. Let's get to it. Hi everyone. Welcome to episode 161. Hello, Laura. Hi, Shanna. Hi, friend. How are you doing? Give us your big old check-in for the week.

Laura

All right. So my kids are now two and a half officially. Oh, wow. Big boy. Yeah. I know. Big guy actually today is his half birthday. So he's two and a half. My heart.

Shanna

So that's hard when the nanny is in the house while you're in the house too. Yeah.

Laura

Yeah. It's a challenge. Finding the boundaries there. Thankfully, this house is bigger. So there's more places to hide. True. But it does kind of suck to hide in your own house, you know? Yeah. So that's a new thing. And then also, we are starting to tour preschools. Ooh, okay. What do you think so far? And we actually went to one in person, which I thought was, you know, very novel in this time of COVID. So we toured two preschools so far. We toured this one that's literally on our street. Like we walked there, which is a big selling point. Yeah, so close. Big selling point. It's a church-based daycare, and it's like a daycare slash preschool because they do infants all the way up through, I think, pre-K, right? And it was a perfectly nice place. It was lacking in natural light. That was one thing that really kind of made me sad is that it was kind of in the basement of this church.

Shanna

Got to pay for that sunlight baby.

Laura

Apparently you have to pay for sunlight. So the churchmate school actually has a pretty long waiting list too. So that's kind of a concern because we'd like to get him started at least part-time sooner than later. While this other school is actually kind of newer school like they opened a couple years ago. I guess the people who run it used to run like another very highly coveted I don't know, yuppie preschool for parents in Los Angeles. I count myself, you know, probably one of those yuppie parents in northeast Los Angeles. But they're starting a new classroom for Augie's age. And so there's like a lot of openings. So perfect. Yeah. So we're definitely leaning towards that one. We have to like do the application and then get confirmed that there's space, but we got on the wait list for both so far and we'll see exactly what happens. But that's coming along.

Shanna

I know. To send our little ones out of the house into the world and someone else's care, At this point, especially after COVID just, I don't know for you, but for me, it feels kind of like, ah, scary.

Laura

I'm like one part terrified and like in denial of that terror. Like, oh my God, because you know, I'm so used to like managing the minutiae of his day, you know?

Shanna

Oh yeah.

Laura

All these which snack he had exactly what time he had it you know all this all this little stuff that doesn't even really matter like and to just give them to someone else that who I haven't really met and just be like you know have fun it's so weird and then on the other hand I'm like. Oh my God, get this kid out of this house. Like not just because it's like I'm having personal space issues because like the kid needs he needs other kids. He needs other adults telling him what to do because it doesn't really work that well. We tell him what to do. You know what I mean? Like he needs some kind of structure that's out of the house. So I think it's it's a net good. But I think I'm totally going to be the mom who like cries a drop off. Mm, probably. And he'll probably be fine.

Shanna

He'll probably be fine. I remember when I first took Elle to daycare. She was a year and a half. And, you know, I had totally been managing the minutiae of her life. Every little intake of food, the naps and all of this stuff. And this daycare is just kind of like, I drop her off at the front door. I mean, I had been in and I'd seen it on the tour. But, you know, drop off and everything. It's like, I just drop her at the front door. And then I pick her up several hours later, and I'm just like, what, how? Like, what did she eat today? No one told me. No, I was like, did she nap today? And the woman was just like, oh yeah, mm-hmm, yep, she napped. And I'm like, but how long? Like, from what hour?

Laura

But how many minutes? Like, was it 38 or 42 minutes? Because if it's 38, she's still going to be tired. But if it's 42, we're fine.

Shanna

That's exactly. I felt just like so in the dark with all of that stuff and it almost like blindsided me at first. Of course, you know, I got used to it after a while and I was like, well, she's like surviving and she's doing fine. So I guess it's okay. But, um, yeah. And like then her preschool had an app which would like enter everything. It was like every little bit of lunch. It was like eight all of her Brussels sprouts. ate some of her chicken. And like, I was like, oh, thank God, yes, I'm back to knowing.

Laura

This is the type of information I need. I need a very clear accounting of her intake of food.

Shanna

Yes. Every time she went pee, all that stuff. So, you know, you can always see if this preschool, whichever one you end up going to has an app where they'll log every little detail for you.

Laura

That's a good question to ask in more tours. So. So that's the toddler land and then in baby land. Oh boy. Oh no. His bottle strike is continuing. Just will not take a bottle. So we have tried the ma'am bottles now and the even flow bottles and we have the Dr. Brown's bottles. I'm ordering like faster flow nipples. They haven't come here yet. And his sleep issues are just like still awful. And now I'm kind of just like throwing everything at the wall with his sleep. Like I tried to crib nap and he only napped like 30 minutes, which usually if he's in the snow, he'll nap like an hour, which is I was like, OK, so crib nap didn't work. I tried taking his arms out of the snow. Holy shit, that was a disaster. Like waking up every five minutes because he was thwacking himself in the face with his own arms.

Shanna

Oh, yeah. You mean take his arms out of the swaddle.

Laura

Yeah. So for people who don't know when the snoo you like can swaddle them longer because they're like strapped in on their back so they can't like roll and smother themselves. So you can keep their arms in the swaddle a lot longer than like with normal swaddles. And yeah, I tried to take his arms out so that they were just like free. And no, that did not work.

Shanna

Oh, bummer.

Laura

Yeah, so then I tried the love to dream arms up swaddle. Do you remember those? Oh, yeah. I think we had one of those. It wasn't successful in our house. No. Yeah. So it's like a sleep sack with their arms in, but their arms are up. They look like little cacti. You know, put their arms up. And it's supposed to like give them the compression, but allow them to not have their arms down as much. Anyway, some kids love it, not mine. So none of this is making a difference. And he's still sleeping like shit. And I'm very tired. So that's where we're at. That's where they're. Oh, but the reflux is a lot better. Good. So then the reflux is not causing the sleep problems? No, it's like the opposite. It's like we treated his reflux and now he has sleep problems. It's so odd. Weird. Yeah. He is gaining weight super fast. Like you can just tell he's chunking up.

Shanna

He's just like, I'm just on that boob all night. Boop party all night. So you're nursing him every time he wakes up?

Laura

Yeah. I probably shouldn't, but I don't know how to get him back to sleep. Like, you know, I've been thinking about this. I feel like after having my first baby, I was qualified to give advice on things. And now that I've had a second baby, I feel much less qualified to give advice because I'm starting to realize that most of it is like luck of the draw and like the personality of the baby. You know? And I see all these people online being like, well, you know, we did this book of sleep training and my baby was asleep, you know, 12 hours a night by eight weeks. And I'm just like luck of the draw had nothing to do with it. Like maybe the book helped a little, but like luck of the draw lady, like you got a good sleeping baby. It's true. But maybe that's just my sleep deprived cynical brain. I don't know.

Shanna

Well, that's how it was for me. I mean, you know that Elle was a good sleeper from early on and CeCe had a lot of trouble. I mean, I could get her to go to sleep, but like she was waking up a lot at night and screaming and crying and like, you know, I had a lot of trouble with that. So I, yeah, I agree with you. It just depends on the baby.

Laura

Yes, that's absolutely true. CECE definitely threw a curveball into your parenting prowess.

Shanna

Yes.

Laura

Yeah.

Shanna

I remember saying after CECE was born, I was in the thick of it and the newborn stuff and everything was hard. I remember saying to one of my friends, When I was the mother of one child, I was a great mom. Being the mother of two kids has made me a terrible mom. I just felt like I just forgot how to do it all. Everything seemed harder. The second baby threw me for a loop and I couldn't give them each 100% attention. So I think there's something to your theory and thoughts here on this.

Laura

Yeah. It's just like, I don't know, it's humbling is what it is, I guess, but fun, but fun. I should say that even through my sleep deprived state, like I'm having a lot of fun with these two kids and it's fun to see them together. So if anyone's like out there on the fence about having another kid and they're hearing this, like, you know, we keep it real about how hard it is, but I there is good stuff. I just feel like this is our opportunity to talk about also the hard stuff. So

Shanna

true. And I will say that I don't feel that way any longer about like I'm not a good mom with of two kids. It was just a very hard time. And I was having a hard time being a good mom of two kids. Things have gotten better, you know, the kids gotten older and I'm more competent again now. So It's all good.

Laura

I've also heard people say, like, when you have two kids, it's harder at first, but easier later because they play together. Maybe that's true. Maybe. But anyway, that's it for us this week. I want to hear what's going on with you, though. How are your little ones?

Shanna

We are good over here. The big news in this house is that Cece had her first dentist appointment. Oh.

Laura

No, but funny you should mention it because we just scheduled an appointment for next week, his first appointment.

Shanna

Oh, okay. I'll be curious to see how they differ because we went to a new dentist for CC1 up in our neighborhood here and it was a little bit different than the one Elle's been going to. They were kind of really quick getting her in and out. I think they were anticipating a lot of crying and trying to just make it quick for her. And the dentist was like, the first visit is really about education for the parents. You know, there's not really much we're going to do. I'll just look at her teeth and brush and floss and stuff. And he gave me this pad platform thing to put on my lap. So I was like sitting on the dentist exam table with my legs off to the side and this I put CeCe on my lap and laid her back onto this pad.

Laura

Was she proud when she came home? That's sort of how I'm envisioning it, right? It's a big deal, and you get to come home. She got her toothbrush and stickers, I imagine.

Shanna

Yeah, she got her toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, balloon, some prize from their prize container. She really wanted to come home and show Elle, her big sister, everything that she got from the dentist. Yeah, she was really proud.

Laura

So do the dentists have any, like, comments or critiques of what's been going on?

Shanna

He said, everything's looking good and we're doing a good job. You know, he pointed out some of her teeth are starting to grow closer together because as they grow older, their teeth push together and start to touch each other. And so it's like time to really start flossing. And I'm like, oh, yay, just like what I want to add to our routine. I've been flossing a little bit with her, giving her a little flossing pick thing. So we got to pick that up and do that more often. And with the dental technician before the dentist came in, I was like, oh my god, I feel so bad. This is her first appointment at 2 and 1 half. I feel like I waited so long. She's like, no, you didn't. This is totally normal. She's like, we have kids come in here at seven years old for their first appointment ever. And she's like, and they have lots of cavities and stuff. She's like, you're totally fine.

Laura

I think that there's a lot of kids who it's required for school, I think, to like show that you've been to the dentist. So that might be the first time they go. I mean, yeah, I feel bad for those kids and also I totally get it because so few people have dental insurance. I don't know if the state of California like provides dental insurance for kids. I hope they do, you know, but that sort of thing is, it's not equally accessible for all kids, which is really. Unfortunate like it should just be a basic thing that kids can get basic dental care. But yeah, yeah, that's tough. It's good to hear because obviously we haven't gone yet and August 2 and a half. So I'm glad to hear that we're not negligent parents.

Shanna

And doing that. Yeah, no. So it was all good. It was good. Cool. The other thing I was going to talk about has to do with Elle. Listeners have been mentioning they want to hear a little bit more about Elle, my five-year-old, because I kind of focus on Cece. And so I'm like, OK, I'll try to bring her in more and talk about her a little bit more. And this is not an important update in any way whatsoever, but I just found it really amusing. And I had to tell you about it. Okay. Her new obsession, L has become aware of the presence of cheese whiz in the world. Like she knows what cheese whiz is now. Like canned cheese. Canned pressurized cheese, right?

Laura

Yeah. Cheese is not right.

Shanna

It's like cheese product, right? Cheese product. I called it cheese whiz as a kid. And I tried to like look up cheese whiz and I think it's, I don't know if that's actually the name of the product that I used to eat as a kid. I don't know, but I couldn't find actual cheese whiz.

Laura

No way. I mean, cheese whiz is what I remember too. Is this one of those Mandela effects? Yeah, there it is. Cheese whiz. Here's the problem, maybe. It's C-H-E-E-Z-W-H-I-Z.

Shanna

Oh, see, all I could find was easy cheese. Cheddar cheese snack pressurized. Oh, you know what, though?

Laura

It seems like cheese whiz is actually in a jar, like it's a melted cheese product. And easy cheese is in the can. So, hmm.

Shanna

Okay, that's weird because I always associated cheese whiz with like the thing you go and like spray out on a cracker. Okay. Well, I didn't do a deep dive trying to find cheese whiz for my five year old or anything. I just was like, what can I get at the grocery store? So anyway, I got this generic thing called easy cheese. The reason she became obsessed with it is it was in a book called Rosie Revere engineer like this little girl is like engineering and building things and on this big two-page spread picture Rosie is like using all these different things to make a creation and like one tiny little piece of it is like a can of cheese whiz and Just like on this page and Elle's like, oh my God, what is that? I'm like, oh that's Cheez Whiz. She's like, she bugged me, Laura, every single day. She was relentless for five days. She's like, Mom, have you ordered that Cheez Whiz yet?

Laura

That's true, because especially if you are curating her screen time the way you do, you don't get to see as many commercials. Interesting.

Shanna

Yeah, so she doesn't get hooked on products or toys or anything, but she somehow got hooked on cheese whiz and was relentless. And so finally I got the cheese whiz for her and we had it on crackers. And it was just like the best day of her life. She loved it so much.

Laura

You know, like part of me does not want cheese whiz ever. And then part of me is like, that actually does sound kind of good. Like a throwback, cheese whiz on a cracker might just bring back a nostalgia ball.

Shanna

It was really good. Yeah.

Laura

Yeah. We put it on Ritz crackers. Yeah. I feel like that was the classic Ritz crackers and cheese whiz.

Shanna

Oh yeah, old school comfort food. It was delicious. I loved it. Not gonna lie.

Laura

Now I want to get some bagel bites. I don't know why that just like makes me think of bagel bites. I don't think I ever had those. I feel like burning the roof off the top of my mouth. That's what I feel like, apparently.

Shanna

Oh, I liked pop tarts.

Laura

Pop tarts are good. Oh, well, okay. This is officially making me super hungry. I'm still breastfeeding two children. So I think I should take a quick break, go grab a snack. We should come back and do our special segment. Let's do it. Okay.

Shanna

Okay, I came across a children's show that I have to talk about with you. I can't wait to talk about this show.

Laura

She's coming off the heels of our Screen Time for Toddlers episode.

Shanna

Yes, exactly. This is perfect timing. So this is actually a Danish show and it's a clay stop motion animation show. It's geared toward children ages four to seven. And it's aired on like a public television station there. So it's funded by taxpayers, right? It's like a PBS or a BBC. So this is just to get your mind in that area. It's called John Dillermond. And it's about a middle-aged man who has a penis that is so big and so long that it helps him achieve tasks, save children, Do all, like the entire show is about his like enormously long prehensile penis that can like pick things up.

Laura

This is not where I thought you were going. This is, I was like in the headspace of like Blippi and he just came at me with prehensile penis.

Shanna

Is that a phrase you've ever heard in your life or ever thought you would say? Not once in my life, no.

Laura

No. No. Thank you. Now I have a real visual. So, okay, so this is not a kids show. Oh my gosh, it is.

Shanna

It's made for kids. It really is. What? Wait, wait, wait, wait, what? Okay, go on, go on. Okay, so John is, he comes across as maybe like a 45 year old man, a little bit stocky. He's got a big like Mario mustache kind of thing. He wears what I think are pajamas or some kind of like old fashioned swimming suits like red and white striped tank top and red and white striped underwear. That's his outfit. He always wears that no matter where he is. And I watched a couple episodes and like in the first episode, let me give you an example of what is going on with his penis. Please do. So his penis isn't always projected. Okay. So, you know, at first it just looks like an ordinary middle-aged clay dude out in his front yard, barbecuing. And he takes like the igniter fluid and like tries to put it on the barbecue with his hand, but it kind of like flames come up a little bit.

Laura

Okay. So first of all, I've never met a man who we've given the option. Would you like to risk burning your hands or just the very tip of your penis? Not all, all of it, just the very tip. Have you met any person, a penis owner, who would take that option? No.

Shanna

No, I guess because they don't have superhero-esque penis. I don't know. That's fair, that's fair.

Laura

They don't have prehensile penises.

Shanna

Someone in one of my parenting groups was just like, hey, I came across this article. It's a great article because not only does it talk about this cartoon where a guy has a big penis, it also talks about how the cartoon Caillou just got canceled. So it's like a win-win article. And I was like, okay, great about Caillou. I hear that's a crappy cartoon, but what? A cartoon about a peanut?

Laura

Yeah, first of all, I don't even know what Caillou is, but go on. So you had to watch it, you found it. Where can one watch this? Is this like a YouTube situation?

Shanna

It's right on their public access TV station. I'll put the link in the show notes because everyone needs to see it. Well, maybe everyone doesn't need to see it. But if you're curious what I'm talking about, you have to check it out. So, okay, so this episode continues, okay? Just to give you another idea of what the man does with his wiener. He wants to go to the sausage store to buy sausages for his barbecue. And he takes his dogs with him. But when he gets to the sausage shop, his dogs don't want to budge. They like won't go any further. And so he can't figure out how to get into the sausage store while leaving his dogs outside. So then he's like light bulb moment. He ties the dog's leash to his penis that kind of comes flying out. And then he can like stretch it so far that then he can walk into the sausage shop and leave his dogs outside.

Laura

Also, they didn't choose sausage shop, you know, like just on a whim, right? I know. That's an active choice. OK, wait, I know that there's probably a million things you can tell me about how crazy the actual show is, but I have to know, like, why, why, like, what's what's going on here?

Shanna

Well, apparently this culture is a little bit more body positive for body aware or something than we are. And I think the creators work together with like child psychologists and experts on a show to like demystify human anatomy? I mean, that's what I've read. And it's just wild because it's not it's not realistic at all. I mean, it's it's crazy. It looks like a big like thread coming out of his shorts and like flying around the town. So I don't know. Of course, it's gotten a lot of backlash, but also a lot of people love it there.

Laura

Yeah, I mean, so I was wondering that. I was trying to check my, you know, American puritanical weirdness about this and see if maybe that's where my discomfort about it comes from. And yeah, probably. But is there a female or like, you know, assigned female version of this? Or is it just a dude with a really big penis? As far as I know, there's only the penis man. Hmm a penis man. Yeah. I yeah. Wow. Okay. I don't really have much to say other than now I know and knowing is half the battle that I Mean it's good.

Shanna

It's goofy.

Laura

Okay. Here's a question. Did you show it to your girls?

Shanna

Okay, so that's what I was getting to as I was doing research on this. I was watching this episode and L of course, I cannot watch anything with sound anywhere in the house without her perking up coming straight over. So you know, of course it's like a cartoon thing. She's like, oh my God, what's that? And she was watching some of it with me and she was cracking up. She thought it was so funny. And it struck me like I don't think she even knew really what it was. Like I don't think she related it to his penis because like when his penis comes out, it's also clothed in the red and white striped pajamas. Sock of sorts, I guess. So it just looks like some part of his outfit flying around. And so I think she just thought it was like some weird funny string or something. She wasn't like, oh my God, look at his penis or anything like that.

Laura

Well, yeah, your children don't have them. I say penis like 100 times a day. Please put your penis back in the potty. Can you please touch your penis in private? Penis, penis, penis. Lots of talk of penises around here. Well, you're going to have to send me the link. I'm going to put it on headphones and view it because I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'm curious if our listeners have watched and what they think about it because I'm of two minds. Like, I'm like, oh, am I just a prude? And then on the other hand, I'm just like, no. Just not appropriate.

Shanna

I don't know.

Laura

I don't know.

Shanna

I don't know. Well, I think maybe I should send you the link right now and you should just look at it and let's record your reaction.

Laura

Okay. Blind react. A guy's giant dongle coming out.

Shanna

OK, I just send it to you.

Laura

OK, dr.dk. I think I got a notification that's, I think ask me if I accept cookies. I'll say. OK, John Dillermond. Wow. You know, I feel like a lot of Latin based languages, even German, I can kind of guess what descriptions are. This is I have no, no frame of reference for Danish. So let's see. So it's a five minute episode. Okay, so it just kind of looks like a rope. Yeah. Okay. Like he has like a lasso, but he's got a mustache. I didn't expect that. There was like a gun in the intro. That was a little weird. Got like shot down out of the sky. Oh, yes.

Shanna

When the balloon helium balloons were attached to his penis and making him float up in the air.

Laura

Hmm, okay. His penis is smelling the flowers. Picking some apples. Oh, dropped it on the neighbor. It's actually somewhat violent. Did he harass the neighbor with it? He dropped an apple on his head. Well, I don't like that. He looks like a muscle man, like an old-timey, you know, like he would have those old-timey barbells.

Shanna

Yeah.

Laura

They're like spherical.

Shanna

Yeah, his delts are really built up.

Laura

All right, he's walking down the street. Oh, he put up the Danish flag with his penis. That was a helpful thing he did for his neighbor. Yeah, I mean, I definitely even I looking at this would be like, is that his penis or is it just like a special contraption coming out of his waistband? You know?

Shanna

Yeah, like a lasso or rope or something.

Laura

Oh, he's about to save a runaway baby carriage from the road. That was his penis is a hero now.

Shanna

Mm hmm.

Laura

Yeah, I saw him saving children from cars. Oh, he got an ice cream cone. It appears he stole an ice cream cone from some kids with his penis and then he threw it on top of a traffic light and is causing it to short out. I'm fair. There's a lot going on. Like, is he nice or not? Like, he stole the ice cream from the kid, but then he gave the kid his balloon bag.

Shanna

I don't know. I mean, maybe the voiceover of the show would clear up a lot of the confusion. Yeah, I should go learn Danish and then come back.

Laura

and report back. Just excuse me for about 30 or 40 years.

Laura

It's well worth it to understand what's going on in these cartoons. Oh my God. Okay. I think I have a sense here. Yeah. Wow. Okay. I learned something today. I think this is a today I learned instead of an internet insanity.

Shanna

Yeah, it can double as that for sure. Well, listeners, if you want to see some of this, I will share the link in the show notes so you can get an idea of what we're talking about. So visit bigfabpositivepodcast.com for that link after this airs.

Laura

Yes, and if anyone listening knows Danish, please help us with the translation. We need to know what's going on. Absolutely, absolutely.

Shanna

Okay, let's move on from that. Laura, I want to know what internet insanity do you have for us today?

Laura

Okay, so mine involves zero penises. You'll be happy to hear. Okay, that's a good start.

Laura

So my internet insanity is just a fun one. It's something I saw on Instagram that I wanted to share. It's the hashtag second kid problems. OK. Have you seen this?

Shanna

I haven't. Sounds like something I could relate to, though.

Laura

Yeah. So it's just basically people talking about how their first child was like, you know, you care for every little detail and you're making sure everything is perfect. And then your second kid is basically thrown to the wolves.

Shanna

Mm-hmm.

Laura

So here's one. This is actually an Instagram of a tweet, which is like a very Instagram thing, right? From spicy disaster mama. And she said, I watched my two-year-old dip her pretzels into the dirt before eating them. And I thought, well, at least she's eating. And that's how you know she's the second child.

Shanna

Okay, well, mine is two and a half and I have not even opened her baby book yet. So yeah, I feel that one.

Laura

I don't even have a baby book. I was doing like one second every day videos for a while with Augie and have I taken any of those for Sebastian? No, no, not one. It's hard. Another one from Mom and Buried. Me, waits 10 years to show a kid movie to make sure it's age appropriate. Also me, lets younger kid watch it with us, no problem.

Shanna

Oh, it's so true. I used to use Steve's professional camera, like this Canon 5D and take long photo shoots with L and then like bring them into Photoshop and do all this stuff. And with CECE, it was like, oh God, and shit. Well, I guess I'll just take it on my iPhone.

Laura

Sorry. Sorry, kids. Also, I feel like on the like eating pretzels dipped in dirt situation, I have been really lax about teething toys, making it on the floor this time around. I mean, I sanitized everything with Augie. Like if he dropped a teething toy, it would be like, oh, no, straight to the straight to the hot and soapy water. And then we're going to like spray it with watered down alcohol and let it sit for 24 hours, you know, all this stuff. Now it's just like, Oh, how long has this been on the floor? Two days? And it's probably fine. It's probably fine. Just stick it right in your mouth. Stick it right in your mouth, kid.

Shanna

From a very young age, Cece learned to just pick up food off the floor and go, and just like blow on it twice. And like that, it's fine to eat.

Laura

So yeah, same. Same. Yeah. Also, I feel like this can be flipped a little bit. Like it's not so much neglect, but I think it may be more like a hashtag last kid problems as opposed to second kid problems. But, you know, I'm talking a lot about how Sebastian's sleep sucks. By this point, I think in Augie's life, we were, if not considering sleep training, like about to start sleep training. And for me, I'm now like, but it's is my last baby. And I don't I don't want them out of my room yet. I want those middle of the night snuggles. Those things go away, you know? Aw, yeah. So it's a little bit of a savoring the stuff a little bit more. I feel like when you have your first kid, it really feels like

Shanna

It's hard to resist though. So snuggly and cuddly. I get it, especially when it's your last one.

Laura

Of course, I'm already like, is it my last one? Maybe it's not my last one. What if I accidentally get pregnant? What would we do? I don't know. Should we accidentally accidentally not accidentally get pregnant? I don't know. No, no, no. This is all stupid hormones telling me to do it. We do not have the emotional space for another child. I mean, I'm sure we would make it work. I know logically we do not want another child, but my body is just like, but baby.

Shanna

Oh, I know it's hard. What if? Oh, man, that baby fever.

Laura

Yeah, it's strong. It hits different this time, as the kids say. Is that, did I sound like a Gen Z person?

Shanna

I wouldn't know, because I am not cool. I'm too choo-gee for all that.

Laura

I would never call you Chuki. You don't own a single sign that says live, laugh, love. I don't. I wouldn't dare. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I think they're cute. No. But anyway, that's my internet insanity. I think though I should probably go cool off this baby fever and then come back with our BFPs and BFNs. All right.

Shanna

We're back and we're gonna wrap things up with our weekly BFPs or BFNs. Laura, you're up first. What do you got for us? I've got a BFP.

Laura

All right. What is it? My BFP is getting a second opinion. Oh, okay. From a doctor? Kind of. was thinking about this this week, and I feel like this really was my BFP this week, so I wanted to talk about it. And so back in episode 154, I think I talked about how I was worried that Sebastian was getting a flat head. Also known as like plagiosephaly. It's a cranial asymmetry, they'll say. It's like a flat part on the side of his head. And his doctor had said, like, we'll just sort of wait and see and try to do some exercises. So I had been trying those exercises for a little bit thinking that they were going to work. And in the meantime, I got a prescription to go get assessed for maybe needing a helmet, right?

Shanna

Who wants to hang up a calendar of other people's babies wearing helmets?

Laura

I don't know. It's so odd. I thought it was so odd, right? It's so weird. Yeah. So I went home and kind of just put it off because I was like, we're about to move. I'm going to try these exercises. Something just doesn't feel right about these people anyway. So I'm just going to let it be. And we moved and I started noticing like the head isn't getting better, right? Like it's definitely not looking symmetrical. And so I started to realize that like we probably did need a helmet, but I didn't know what to do about this place. Cause I didn't, didn't sit right with me. I mean, and maybe it's just the location I went to or maybe it was just the specific like person working with on my case, but I didn't feel right. So Facebook to the rescue, I went and started joining like as many Plageosephaly groups as possible on Facebook. And of course, there's a million.

Shanna

Wow.

Laura

So we are going to have a star band. We're going to have a star band baby. And I got zero calendars.

Shanna

Good. Who needs a calendar? I don't understand what they're even trying to slickly sell you anyway. I mean, isn't it just a medical device that like your insurance would pay for? What's the upsell here?

Laura

This is the thing, right? So my medical insurance covers anything above six millimeters of asymmetry. Other people's have like higher thresholds. But apparently what I've learned from these various forms I'm on is this one company is in the business of selling helmets. And they are telling parents who don't need helmets that they do need helmets. So they're seeing kids with like three millimeters, four millimeters asymmetry and still recommending a helmet. And they're not cheap. They're like thousands of dollars, these helmets. So, if your insurance doesn't cover it, it's a huge cost. And unfortunately, I've seen a number of people post on the board that they got sold a helmet and the doctors like, I would never have told you you needed a helmet for that kid. That's so sad. This is not to bash the specific company.

Shanna

And what does the helmet do? Does it push the head back into shape or does it just prevent it from getting worse?

Laura

I don't understand how it helps. It's so interesting. So what it is is it's created like it doesn't smush it back into shape. It creates Gaps where they want the head to grow into and pressure where they don't want it to grow, but it's not like pushing actively in on it. It's going to be loose on his head. I think like a little bit like have a little bit of wiggle room, but there's going to be basically like a little little cave a little cavern. for its head to grow into and the idea is you're catching their growth spurts. So you're not like molding the head that's already there. You're catching a growth spurt and providing a space for the area to grow that you want to grow and constricting the other side, basically.

Shanna

Oh, okay, so that's why it has to be custom made.

Laura

Yes, they all have to be completely custom made, yeah. And I can understand why they're expensive. It's a real orthotic device, you know, that they need. So, yeah, but we're headed on down to Hillmville. Okay, well, that's gonna be adorable.

Shanna

He's gonna be adorable.

Laura

You think? I hope so. I mean, he's cute no matter what.

Shanna

So I just worry it's gonna mess up his sleep more. Oh, well, just get him a skateboard and, you know, he'll be complete with... Skateboard and helmet during the day and tire himself out for sleep.

Laura

That's a good idea. That's a good idea. Okay. Anyway, that is my BFP for the week. Shanna, what do you have? Do you have a BFP or a BFN? I have a BFP. Oh, good.

Shanna

Yeah. My BFP is a book that I bought for the girls recently. So whenever I'm in my parenting groups and someone shares a book for a big idea, I always buy it right away because I never know when we'll need that kind of book in our life, right? You know, like, for example, some parents were talking about dealing with death and how to explain death to kids and people are giving book suggestions. And I like, I'm like, OK, that sounds great. I went and bought it and like we just have it around, you know, make sense. OK. Sex, etc. And one post recently was like, oh, my four-year-old said something embarrassing to someone about their body in public. And I'm mortified. And how do I address body differences with my kid? And someone recommended this book called Bodies Are Cool. And I'm like, well, I haven't had any body problems yet with my kid saying anything.

Laura

Oh, cool. Mm-hmm. So, like, what age do you think it's appropriate for?

Shanna

Any age, really. I mean, Cici loves it. It's very simple. Like, I'll read the first page to get an idea of what it's like. OK. So the first page is a bunch of different illustrated people. They all look very happy and content. Their bodies are super different. And the words are big bodies, small bodies, dancing, playing, happy bodies. Look at all these different bodies. Bodies are cool. And so it goes on to just describe bodies in different ways. The next page is a bunch of different people on a bus, and it's lanky bodies, squat bodies, tall, short, wide, or narrow bodies. Somewhere in the middle bodies, bodies are cool. So that page talks about, like, body.

Laura

So yeah, I feel like you'll get like a lot of different skin tones. You'll get like a wheelchair thrown in every once in a while. And then but I mean, I can't think of a book that shows different size bodies, especially when it comes to like weight at all. So I mean, that's, you know, that's something that's really been a blind spot for me. I feel like I need to go out and get this book like as soon as possible.

Shanna

You should. I think you guys would really like it. The pictures are really cool and fun to look at and talk about and everything. And we really love it in our house.

Laura

Awesome. Well, I'm going to go order that book as soon as we wrap up this episode, which I feel like is right about now.

Shanna

Yes, I think now would be a good time. Listeners, if you have any internet insanities that you want to share with us, if you've come across anything funny or bizarre online, send it our way. Laura, where can everyone reach us?

Laura

We are on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and TikTok at theFBpodcast. We have a website, bigfappositivepodcast.com. If you want to send us an email, you can always throw a voice memo into that email. Just send it to contact at bigfappositivepodcast.com. Finally, if you want to join a super cool group on the internet, search Facebook for Big Fat Positive Community, request to join, answer the two questions so I know you're not a robot, and I will send you straight through to all the awesome discussions we're having in there.

Shanna

If you love our show, please rate and review us wherever you listen to podcasts and spread the word. Let your friends know about BFP. Our show is produced by Laura Birek, Shanna Micko, and Steve Yager. Thanks for listening, everyone. Bye. Bye.