Toddler Separation Anxiety: Struggles and Snuggles – Ep. 107

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Laura

Welcome to Big Fat Positive with Shanna and Laura. This week, we have our weekly check-ins, we have our special segment, It Takes a Village, where we ask you for help about bedtime tantrums and boring meal times, and we close with our BFPs and BFNs for the week. Let's get to it! Hi, everyone. Welcome to episode 107. Hey, Shanna. Hey. How are you doing? What you been up to?

Shanna

How was that toddler of yours? She's 18 months and one week. And so it's not surprising that this week we're dealing with the 18 month sleep regression.

Laura

What, bro?

Shanna

Which I forgot about didn't really know about so I wasn't hip to the 18 month sleep regression I must have just erased it from my memory for the first time around Well wait did Ellie even have it because she was like an amazing sleeper to slept through the night from like

Laura

pre-natal. I don't know how early she just did. So maybe she didn't have it.

Shanna

That could be. Her sleep regressions were not as obvious as CECE who's a little bit more feisty. So recently, it's just been really hard to put her down for a nap and bedtime. But naps in particular, it's just like, She tries to fake me out like we sing for a little bit and then I go to late like she reaches for her bed and I go to layer down and then the second I set her down she's like like you know gets up and reaches for me and I'm like okay. Oh, I hate when they do that because it's like you can't it's like so hard to not pick them up. Oh, yeah. No, I totally pick her up. Like my method of dealing with it is just like, oh, you need one more hug.

Laura

One more snuggle. OK. I guess I'll give you more snuggles.

Shanna

So I do that a few times. And you know, I like the extra hugs and snuggles too. So whatever. It's benefiting both of us. But usually she's been just really, really good at going down. She'll wake up and scream like nobody's business. Y'all know that. But putting her down has always been really easy. She likes getting in bed. So this is like throwing me for a loop, right? It's like, oh, I'll put her down real quick before I go record with Laura. And then it's like, oh, nope, 25 minutes later. Oh no. Yeah, so that's been Just frustrating, tricky. So I've read up on it and found out that a lot of the reason they go through this at this time is actually because their separation anxiety is heightened right now. It peaks at around 18 months because they're really truly starting to understand that you are separate from them and that when you leave, you're away from them.

Like they've been gradually working toward that understanding this whole time. And now it's like really clicking in. Separation anxiety is so interesting because we're still like in quarantine, so we don't go anywhere.

Laura

But obviously, even though you don't go anywhere and you're together all the time, you can still see it. Like, what does that look like?

Shanna

Oh, my God. I think that the quarantine is making it worse because I am always, always there and she's so used to me being around or something. So here's how it's manifesting in our house. I tried to set her down in the kitchen so I can cook scrambled eggs and she screams and cries. She tries to climb my legs. Like she tries to climb up me. That's how she tries to let me know she wants to be held. If I leave a room, she runs after me. Mama, mama, mama, mama, and not just like saying mama, crying. Mama, mama, mama. She doesn't do this for Steve, you know? She doesn't do this for anyone else. It's a real mama thing. I don't know. She's in a real mama phase and very scared of me like leaving her or putting her down. The other day, Laura, we were in the kitchen and I gave her a little breakfast snack and she walked out of the kitchen, turned around, looked at me and goes, mama, mama, mama.

I'm like, you're the one who left the kitchen. You left. You left me.

So obviously like putting her down in a dark room and then being like peace out is not settling well with her.

Laura

Oh, poor little sweetie. Well, I hope that it's short lived.

Shanna

Yeah, it's getting better already. I was going to say the way I've been dealing with it is I pick her up and give her a couple extra hugs and After that, I really do just set her down and say, I have to leave. You're safe. I'll check on you in a few minutes. And she cries in protest after I leave for maybe like three minutes, five minutes, not very long. Like I'd never really have to go in and give her more comfort. She settles down. And I've also been giving her a book. That's been really helpful. I'm like, here, do you want to put a book in your bed? And then she likes looking through her book.

Laura

You know, this just came up in my toddler and me class. My teacher suggested putting a book in the crib because she said it like around 18 months is when they start needing something to like help them wind down before bedtime. Just like we do. Just like we need to read a book. We need to do stuff in bed before we fall asleep. Like we don't get into bed, put our head down. and pass out instantly. We have to like chill out for a little bit. So she suggested books. I haven't done it yet, but you know, I'm keeping that in my back pocket for when we need it.

Shanna

So yeah, I must have. And I've mentioned before that I have like no light in her room, right? It's been dark, which is why I've like missed the rocking chair and everything. So I was like, well, she can't see a book if it's pitch dark. So I introduced a little nightlight, like it's just something I plug into the wall to give some extra light so she can at least, you know, see the outlines of the characters on her pages. Is on a timer or? No, it's all night. And I also figured it'd be helpful for when me and Steve go in in the middle of the night to try to help. So she's gotten used to that. So that's good. Oh, interesting. Yeah. The really sweet thing is that all these extra hugs, you know, I'm like, oh, an extra hug. I picked her up the other day. I'm like, you need an extra hug. And she just like, just grasped me like a little baby monkey, right? And put her head on my shoulder.

It was just like this little baby monkey. And for the first time, she said the word, hug. And just like, hug. And kept saying, hug. And like, hugging me like a little baby monkey. And I was like, oh my god. So, you know, there's just always a silver lining.

Yes.

Laura

And if you remember, I think you were like this too, when they're like first learning how to babble, they almost always say da-da-da-da-da-da first. And you were always like, where's the mama? Where's the mama? It's like, for any of you listening who are like, my baby only says data, just give it time.

Shanna

Just give it time. Oh my God, it's all about mama right now. All about mama. Maybe that'll be the title of this episode. So yeah, that's the big stuff with us this week. What about you? How are you guys doing? How old is your toddler?

Laura

So we're good. My toddler is 17 months and two weeks. This is funny. I still have in parentheses in my notes the number of weeks old.

Shanna

Oh, what would that be at this point? Like 75, 75 weeks old. Oh, 75. That feels very special.

Laura

Yes, yes. Can you imagine if we kept referring to them as he buys my father 75 weeks old. Do you follow the Los Feliz daycare? account on Twitter or Instagram. Oh, no, I don't. But I know what you're talking about. For people who don't live in Los Angeles, and they think I just mispronounced the word Felice, it's like in Los Angeles, it's not Los Felice, which is, it's a neighborhood in LA. And for some reason, it's intentionally mispronounced as Los Feliz. Because white people. Well, because white people, but also like, it's just weird. Well, it doesn't make any sense. So anyway, but Los Feliz Daycare is like this great parody account of like an ultra liberal daycare. And it's like very spot on. But when they do like incident reports, they say like the names of the kids like Apple 97 weeks and, you know, it's always something like, you know, I don't know.

I can't even come up with good Los Angeles hippie names. But yeah, that's so yeah. So my toddler 75 weeks.

17 months and two weeks and this week we actually went to Fresno. Oh fun. Yeah we went up to Fresno to visit my mom and it has a lot of like coronavirus quarantine implications that I'll talk about in the bonus episode that due to time travel might already have been released.

So you might have heard about it, but I wanted to talk about some things we did in Fresno that he really liked. So my mom lives on the river, the San Joaquin River in Fresno. Which nice growing up in Fresno. I didn't even realize was like a thing. It's actually really beautiful and like there's a lot of water and greenery. So we went up there and I knew that my toddler was going to love Playing in in and around the river because her like back porch just opens right up to the river So and it's really it's a very shallow river right at the right at the point where she's at it then we'll get deeper and like I went kayaking on it once with my dad and like Both Cory and I both capsized and like almost got trapped under like reeds and all it was it was like actually harrowing

Yeah, it was a whole thing. But where we're at, it's very, like where my mom's house is at, it's very calm and just lovely. And there's like deer that come by and all these, like there were golden eagles flying above us and just all kinds of wildlife.

Shanna

What's the landscape there like? I mean, I imagine like desert stuff and Fresno, what is it, woodsy?

Laura

No. So, well, Fresno, the San Joaquin Valley is this big, flat, basically agricultural area, right? If you've ever driven up through the center of California, you've seen it. The 99 is the freeway. And if you go to where her house is, it's just starting to get into the foothills. So you're actually like on the way, like the very first leg of the trip up to go to Yosemite. She's right at the base of these golden foothills. And the river makes it very like green and lush. So there's like these, there's like big trees all over. So it's actually like very, it's not wooden, but it's sort of, It's like a Glen.

Shanna

Mm-hmm.

Laura

It makes sense. Glen. Got it. A Dale. A Dale. Yeah, it's a Glen and a Dale, but it's not like Glendale.

Shanna

Is that where Glendale comes from?

Laura

Yeah. Glendale is in itself a redundant name, because they mean the same thing as Glen and Dale.

Shanna

Glendale is a city in Los Angeles County, by the way, for those who don't live here know what we're talking about.

Laura

It's like the city next to Pasadena.

Shanna

Yeah.

Laura

But anyway, yes, it's like a Dale and a Glen, but not like Glendale, California.

OK.

Laura

Got it. Maybe I'll try to post a picture on our Instagram so people can see it. Yeah, definitely.

Shanna

Yeah.

Laura

So, because Fresno, like if you've driven through Fresno, this is not what you think Fresno looks like. You think Fresno looks like a highway surrounded by fast food restaurants surrounded by car dealerships. But this particular part of Fresno is actually very lovely. Okay, cool. And he really loved it and he was obsessed with seeing the ducks and the geese. Aw. And we put on his little like river, not river shoes, and they turned into river shoes, water shoes. And, you know, I held his hands and he sort of waited in the, you know, shin deep water for him. And it was freezing cold because it comes from the mountains, but he didn't care. So yeah, he just loved everything about it. He loved seeing my mom.

So I really want to make an effort to try to get out into nature more now that we did that because not just like parks, like I want to get him into like a river, you know, or like actual trees. So that's a goal.

Shanna

But yeah, that was a nice trip.

Laura

And then just some little updates here. So his new thing that has blown me away is that he started retelling his stories in his books. in his own way, like obviously not verbatim. But we figured this out because we were reading Good Night Gorilla. Do you guys have Good Night Gorilla? Mm-hmm. Yeah, I love that one. So we're reading Good Night. I actually, it drives me crazy because there's not a lot of like actual like words in the book and you kind of have to derate what's going on. So the basic story is it's like a zookeeper saying good night to all his animals but the gorilla steals his keys and lets all the animals out and they all follow him. back to his house. And they all try to sleep in his bedroom with him. And then his wife wakes up and is like, whoa, too many animals and takes them back, right? That's the basic story.

But all that all that's ever said in the book is good night and an animal name. So it's a good night gorilla, good night elephant, good night hyena, good night giraffe. And that's it, right? And there's one page where The zookeeper's wife says, good night, dear. And he says, good night. And then they turn off the light. And then there's, it's just black with a bunch of text bubbles. It's like, good night, good night, good night, good night with all the different animals saying good night. And we do it like, good night, good night, good night. You know, we make them different. We give them little voices. Okay. So we got through the book and then he started like paging backwards through it. Cause he wanted to read it again. But when he got to the page with the little blurbs, everyone's saying good night. He's starting.

And then he like got to the page where the zookeeper's wife opens her eyes in the middle of the dark because she noticed all the all the animals and he goes and he was like pointing at the animals we would do that thing we're like oh here's giraffe and hyena and blah blah And so he'd go through every page and he just started like basically retelling it back to us in his own sort of very, very simplified way. And I was just like, wow, you're really like engaging with this book in a new way that I didn't realize, you know?

Shanna

That's what I really love about that book. I've come around to it. I had it with Elle and with CeCe is that there is, there are always like new layers of that book that the kids discover. At one point, if you haven't already, you'll discover that there's like a balloon, a piece of the balloon on every single page, even if it's just like the tip of the string and like Elle would point that out, you know, and like find the banana. You know, the mouse is banana.

Laura

The little mouse has the banana, yeah.

Shanna

Yeah. And so there's all these like cool little things that, I mean, Al found all that stuff the first time, you know, not the first time, but Al found all that stuff when we read that book. And I was like, oh, that's cool. They're so observant. They really look at everything.

Laura

Yeah. And you think for all these months that you're just kind of reading to them as, you know, it's the routine, it's bedtime routine and you don't really get how much they're absorbing. So we did the same thing happened when we read I Want My Hat Back, which is it was my one of my BFPs a few weeks ago, right? This John Klassen book. Have you gotten it yet? Did you get to see it? I have not, no. So I want my hat back. It's very repetitive. It's a bear looking for his hat. And he goes up to every animal and says, have you seen my hat? And they say, no, I haven't seen your hat or some variation on it. And he says, thank you. OK, thank you anyway. And at some point, he comes up to a rabbit who's wearing a hat and says, have you seen my hat? And the rabbit says, no, I haven't seen any hats. I've never seen a hat anywhere. I don't know why you asked me. Stop asking me more questions, right?

And he says, OK, thank you anyway. So anyway, the story goes that eventually he gets to the point where someone asks him, well, what does your hat look like? And he goes, well, it's red and pointy and and you turn the page and he sits up and the page is all red and his eyes are wide. And he goes, I have seen my hat, right? Then he runs back and he finds the rabbit and he says, you stole my hat.

Okay, my baby, when after we read the book, he had to go backwards and he found that page and he goes, you, you hat, you hat. That's so cute. And I was just like, yeah, you really, you're really getting it. And he always wanted to go back to the pages with like the most dramatic stuff that was happening. He loves the page, loves the page when the bear sits up and realize that I have seen my hat. And he'll go to that page and go, oh, stuff like that.

Shanna

That's so fun. I have a couple of things to say. First of all, I want to know if our listeners have had this experience with the gorilla book, if anyone has it, because what you were saying about the page with the hello, hello, hello, and the eyes, both of my girls. Just zone in on that page like very young it's like they just knew that that was something you know and they would always turn back to it like You know the eyes and they just really love that so I wonder if like that is something that a lot of young toddlers respond to and that's part of like the appeal of that book because this as soon as you were describing that I was like I knew exactly what you're

Laura

gonna say because it's like oh yeah that is like that's what that's the appealing page for the yeah it's so interesting it's making me want to like write a kid's book because I was like okay you need your page where they all go yeah yeah and then the other thing I was gonna say about it

Shanna

Our toddlers are still probably a little bit too young for the, maybe not, I don't know, the Piggy and Elephant and Piggy series by Mo Willems. Have you ever seen any of those?

Laura

I have not, no.

Shanna

Or the Pigeon books by Mo Willems. Pigeon, that's a great series. The pigeon books is like the pigeon wants a hot dog, right? The thing I love about these books and what made me think of them is that they are full of big emotions. And so many kids books really aren't. I feel like especially like older books are just more calm and stuff. And the pigeon books especially are so great because the pigeon is kind of like a toddler himself. He's like, I want a hot dog. I want a hot dog now! And flips out and then is calm and just has these really huge emotions. And the kids love it. It's just so fun and funny. And I love it too. Because it's like, yeah. That's how people and kids are. They have big emotions. So I that's why they respond to that stuff.

Laura

Yeah. That's so I can't wait to hear from people. Please let us know if you've had the similar situation with books, whether whether it's these two, what we've been talking about or other books and recommendations for more books.

Shanna

Yes. Yes. Always. Yeah.

Laura

But that's pretty much it this week. I just wanted to share his newfound love of rivers and nature city, city kid and nature and that now he's telling me stories back in books. It's so cute.

Shanna

Oh, that's so great.

Laura

Should we take a break and come back with our special segment? Let's do it.

Shanna

We are back and this week's special segment is It Takes a Village, where Laura and I come to you, our beloved listeners, to ask for help, input, advice on some issues that we're having with our own kids and parenting. So Laura, what do you got?

Laura

Okay, so my current challenge is with bedtime routine. So we've had like this really solid, very consistent bedtime routine since he was probably, since we did sleep training, I think, around like five and a half months, right? And here's what it consists of. We do bath in the bathtub. and then we get dried off, we put on our diaper, we put on our jammies, or we put on our lotion, we put on our jammies, and then we put the sleep sack on, and then we do boo-boo, I nurse him, and then Corey will come back in and we'll read a book before bed, or book or two before bed, and then we put him in his crib. Oh, and brush our teeth, sorry, he brushes his teeth after the boo-boo, before the books. Okay, and that was working great for the longest time, and it still works great in that he falls asleep great. Like he sleeps through the night still. He's awesome.

So I never wanted to change anything about the actual bedtime routine because I'm like, it works. Like if it ain't broke, don't fix it, right? Yeah. So here's the current problem. He's recently started just really wanting to like play around before the bath and like after the bath and he doesn't want to get in the bathtub and the bath isn't so much a problem so like before the bath I'll be like Okay, time to take your clothes off, time to take your diaper off. And he like, well, he's like dancing around. He thinks it's a fun game, right? He like dances around and I have to sort of corral him. I like start slowly closing. Like I, I closed the baby gate to go into the main area. Then I'll like close the bedroom door. So he just has the hallway and the bathroom basically. And you know, it's not like a huge struggle, but it's starting to become a little bit more of a struggle.

But I eventually get his clothes off, he gets in the bath. That's okay. He's okay in the bath. He doesn't really like lying back anymore to rinse his hair. So that's a little bit of a struggle, but that's not as big of a deal. The real problem comes when we get out of the bath. So we take him out of the bath and we're, you know, he's in his towel. and he just does not want to get his diaper on. Like he, if he had his way, he would run around naked and pee everywhere. And he's starting to get some like understanding of

like a little bit of I think of control over his pee like not enough that he wouldn't pee everywhere when he's naked but like he'll run around you know if he breaks free from us he like runs around we have to chase him or we try not to chase him because we don't want to like give it at you know give it focus and whatever like the Janet Lansbury thing right so we're like letting him run around saying You know, baby, we'd really like you to come, like you need to come back. I want you to come back. Um, and then he'll like, he does, he practices, is backing up. He'll like go beep, beep, beep. And then I'll go peepy and like look down and three seconds later, like pee everywhere. Luckily I have a machine washable rug. That's just like a fantastic thing. I need to get one of those. Oh my God. But it's also a pain in the ass to like clean it all the time.

Shanna

Yeah.

Laura

So. That's what he would want to do, just run around naked. But obviously we need to get the diaper on. So we're trying to like, we used to put the lotion on and then the diaper so we could like get it all over his butt and stuff. But now we're just like, OK, let's just get the diaper on as fast as possible. Then maybe he'll run around. But even then he'll like have a full blown tantrum like kicking, screaming, crying. Like he a couple times has gone into the full on like downstairs tantrum with it and My instinct was like, oh, maybe bedtime's too late. Maybe he's overtired. But we tried moving it up, and it still happened. And so I asked my toddler and me teacher about this. And she says, like her general thing is like, when you have a routine that used to be great, that has now started to be a problem. It's an indicator that you need to up the independence level, right?

Like you need to like raise the bar. So like her example is always like mealtimes. If they're sitting at like their high chair with a tray in front of them, and that always was fine until recently. And they start like, throwing a fit or throwing their food on the floor, it's not about trying to keep them in the high chair. What you need to do is what's the next level of expectation. It's like they should eat at the table, right? And even though you think, oh no, there's no way they're going to be behaved enough to be pulled up right up to the table, you have to do it because what you're trying to do is raise the bar of expectation to like the next level of independence and they rise to it basically. I love this idea, however, this is where I need help. I have no idea how to give him more independence and agency around this because he needs to get into his diaper or he pees everywhere.

Mm-hmm. And I just can't let him pee everywhere every night. That's a limit. I just can't do it. And you think you're wrestling an alligator.

It takes forever to get this diaper on and he's so resistant. Yeah. I mean, just, and it's just so bad. So I need help. I could, you know, get help from you, but I also need help from the listeners like any ideas. My toddler and me teacher suggested giving him some like naked playtime outdoors before the bath to like scratch that itch of I need some naked playtime. But we don't have grass. And like, yeah, I'm a little worried. He's already his knees are already so scuffed up. Like I'm just a little worried about letting him run around like hot concrete. Mm hmm. Buck naked.

Shanna

Yeah.

Especially because it's summer and it is sunny.

Laura

Yeah, so I don't know what to do, guys.

Shanna

I don't know what to do. I need help. Oh man, that's a tricky one.

Laura

Hmm. So CECE doesn't give you trouble getting her diaper on or anything like that?

Shanna

No, not too much. And I ended up getting those Pampers 360 like pull up ones that you had mentioned a while back and that's helpful for like if she doesn't want to lay down, you know, occasionally I'll just like whip it up. Um, but those aren't good for bedtime.

Laura

No, they don't work for bed. I mean, yeah. For bedtime, we have a very specific, we have like one size up, Pampers, 12 hour baby dries with the Sposy pad inside. I don't know, have I ever talked about those Sposy pads? Anyway, they're like little, they're like little pad, like menstrual pads, essentially, that you put in the diaper. They just like are booster pads that absorb more pee. So, cause he, you know, he sleeps through the night and he drinks a lot of water.

Shanna

Right. How do you get that into the diaper? Is that something you could put him in charge of? Like it's your turn to insert the spozy pad, you know?

Laura

It has a little bit of a like adhesive. I'm telling you, it's like very much like a pad, like a menstrual pad has a little strip of adhesive on the back. It does require a little bit, like if you put it in the wrong spot, it leaks all over. So, but maybe I could try to give him that little bit of independence

Shanna

Or could you give him a job of picking out his pajamas?

Laura

We do that already. We let him, we give him two options. We give him the option. And you know, he doesn't even engage with that very much anymore. It used to be he loved choosing and now he just doesn't even care. Probably because he's so like, worn out from the tantrum he just threw.

Shanna

Oh my goodness.

Anyway. Yeah, that's a tricky one. That is what I need help with. I hope that the audience can chime in on this.

Laura

Please let us know. We'll be checking in in about a month and seeing how, if anyone's suggestions help. But you can send us a voice memo to contact at BigBatPositivePodcast.com or hit us up on our social channels at BFP Podcast. But before you do that, we need to find out what Shanna needs help with. Shanna, do you need help from our village?

Shanna

Okay, I have one thing I really need help with. I need help with food and meals and snacks for these little eating monsters of mine. Especially the toddler. My God, this girl has an appetite like none other. Like, I will feed her breakfast. And then one hour later, like 8 a.m., she's like, knack, knack, which is snack, right? She goes and knows where the kid. Knack, knack, knack, all she wants is snacks. She has been chewing on crushed up ice chips.

So you can see where I need help, right? It's like, I don't know, I've got. You're feeding her like a woman in labor.

Well, it's good for a laboring woman. It's good for a toddler. I don't know. It's good for hydration. Yeah. So it's like something to munch on. I don't know. Part of it, part of me is like, did you really like need food or you just like the activity of like munching on stuff? And it's tricky too with her because she's off dairy. I don't feed her any cheese, yogurt, milk, none of that stuff. And bananas too, right? And bananas, avocados, all these things that would be really simple. And she's pretty good. She likes crackers. You know, nuts and stuff, but at a certain point it's just like starting to get old and I don't know what to have on hand to like give her. And then meal times, dinner in particular, I'm just like, by the end of the day, I've already done like one zillion snacks and two meals and blah, blah, blah. I'm like, oh my God.

And so I just have really been relying on frozen chicken nuggets and fish sticks and turkey meatballs and stuff like that. And I would love to feel more inspired to cook things that are easy and delicious and not so processed. But I don't know. I'm a tired, exhausted, sometimes cranky person. So I don't know. Yeah, that's what I need.

Laura

I feel that. I mean, I feel like we all get kind of stuck in a rut, even with ourselves. You cook the same thing over and over and over, because you can do it. you know, wrote from the back of your head. I always get these ideas because I love cooking. I'm like, I'm going to make this new recipe tonight. And then by the time like four o'clock rolls around, I'm just like, I don't want to chop a single thing.

You know what I would love to is if people, I know there are these people out there who do like the week long meal planning, right? And they like do all their prep on a Sunday and then like they have their weeks done like in a day.

Shanna

That stresses me out. I can't operate like that.

Laura

It stresses me out, but I think it would be so freeing. If there's a way to do it that's not stressful, I'm just saying I would love to hear from people who do that, whether it's feasible or not.

Shanna

I would really like an idea or plan like that for snacks and maybe breakfast. I don't know why I'm very against it for dinner for some reason. I don't know. I don't know, it just really stresses me out.

Laura

Well, for me also, I'm always like, what if I don't want meatloaf on Wednesday? What if I don't feel like it?

Shanna

Mm-hmm. I think that's a lot to do with it. Yeah. Before I had kids, my way of feeding myself and Steve, the way we fed ourselves, was basically, and even for the first couple years of Elle's life, Basically, I would go to Trader Joe's almost every day at like five o'clock p.m. Just pick up something that sounded yummy, come home, make it. Heat it up usually because they have a lot of yummy pre-made stuff. So this fly by the seat of my pants, I like that in a way, but I am finding it a bit stressful.

Laura

also now it's much harder to go grocery shopping not just because of the quarantine but because like two kids and groceries and you know you like popping into Trader Joe's once a day isn't gonna happen anymore you know no it is not and like you mentioned before some of us have our like

Shanna

go-tos that we make over and over. And even if listeners want to share their go-tos, because they will be new to me, would be great.

Laura

Well, what are some of your go-tos like for you for dinner?

Shanna

So lately what I've discovered is that I really like having ground turkey or ground chicken around in the house because I can like put it in a pan with some veggies, onions and stuff and then I'll either just like throw a jar of marinara sauce on it or something like that and serve it with spaghetti. So that's like my homemade from scratch. That is homemade from scratch.

Laura

Thing that I do a lot. I truly believe in the jars of marinara, like being an ingredient. I know I have made marinara from scratch, but I don't think it's necessary. Like get a good quality jar of marinara, you're good. You can dress that up a million ways.

Shanna

Oh yeah, I mean, I don't even go high quality, really. Like I love rouse, that's amazing, but it's so expensive. It is very expensive. I'm like, do my kids, my kids are gonna appreciate this. You know, I'll save that for me. And I love making marinara sauce. Oh my God, this New York Times recipe that I found years ago is just like, mm. But that takes up time, you know, so I'm not gonna do that. So yeah, I love that jar marinara with some fresh meat. some just like I always have frozen veggies on hand just like pop some peas in the microwave and yeah so yeah what about you what are your go-tos so let's see

Laura

one of my like all time go-tos is this turkey chili that it was like a Rachel Ray recipe I found on the internet 2005 or something and now I don't even know where it is like but it's a you like saute saute turkey ground turkey I've actually made it with like beef and ground chicken like whatever and then you add onions and garlic and chipotle like a canned chipotle and adobo sauce And once that's all kind of like browned and ready to go, you pour a can of light, not light beer, but like a, like a logger or something in, and it deglazes the pan and adds a really good flavor. And then you add a big, like 28-ounce can of diced tomatoes and two 14 ounce cans of kidney beans. And then you top it off with some chicken stock or whatever you have on hand so that it, you know, makes it a little, little bit more watery. And then you just simmer it until you're ready to eat it.

Basically you can eat it pretty much right away or you can let it simmer for like two hours. It gets even better. So that like, and you can throw that together really quickly. So I love that.

Shanna

You know what I've noticed since being in this quarantine is that having things on hand has really helped make meals seem easier. Like I said before, I'm always a person that just goes and gets something when I want it. But I've been stocking up a little bit more. And so it's like one night I'll be like, oh, what can I do with this meat? Oh, look, I have tomato sauce, tomato paste. I have onions. I have all of this stuff already. What can I throw together? So I think that has been helpful, too.

Laura

Yeah, for sure. And then another thing I'll do is just if I have salmon either frozen or fresh, I will just broil it and like I'll just throw some like lemon slices on top and some salt and pepper and it's actually really good and very quick to make. And it turns out my toddler really likes salmon, so. Oh, so do my kids. Love it. Yeah. So that's an easy one that, you know, I can figure out like an hour before, like, oh crap. Okay. What are we going to do for dinner? Oh, I can do that. So yeah. But yeah, I need more. I feel like it's getting a little old too. Like I would love some new inspiration. Yeah.

Shanna

Help us. Help us. Send us your favorite ideas and recipes.

Laura

And again, you can send us a voice memo to contact at bigfatpositivepodcast.com, or you can just send us a regular email to that email address too. We won't be mad. Or you can find us on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook at BFPpodcast or in our Facebook community group. Just search for Big Fat Positive Community, request to join, and I will add you.

Shanna

All right. So let's take a break and come back with our BFPs and BFNs. Yeah? Yes.

Laura

We are back, so we close every episode with a Big Fat Positive or a big fat negative of the week. Shanna, do you have a BFP or a BFN for us? I have a BFP.

Shanna

I'm real excited about this. Okay. Cece is finally letting me put her hair in pigtails. Aww. I have been trying for a long time and she has hated the shit out of it and just like smacks my hands away. It's like, what are you doing? And all of a sudden the other day, I don't know why it just clicked. I was like doing, trying to do her hair and I started counting as I was like twisting the little tie around her little big tail. It's like one, two, three and done, you know? And that made her tolerate it for some reason. So I was like, oh my god, this is great. Like, I got to take all the pictures because I don't know if this will ever happen again. She'll ever let me do this again. And the next day I was like, hey, do you want me to put your hair in pigtails? And she goes dah. And she like goes and sits down on the rug and like.

Yeah, let me like do her hair like she's patient enough that I can even like take the comb and make a part down the back of her head.

Laura

I can't even imagine.

Shanna

I literally cannot imagine. It's so fun. And the funny thing is, you know, in general, Cece is more feisty and loud than Elle was when she was this age, right? But this is one thing that is totally different. Cece will sit patiently and let me, you know, calm and do all this stuff. Elle hated it. I would be lucky if I could get her hair in, like, the quickest, messiest little top ponytail. She just would run around, couldn't sit still, blah, blah, blah. So I am really enjoying having a little toddler that I can play with her hair. It's so fun and so cute.

Laura

That is so great. I can't imagine like I can't even brush my guy's hair and I can barely get a shirt on him. So yeah, kudos to you. You'll have to post a photo on our Instagram of the cuteness.

Shanna

Yes. I think it's because also she really likes her head being like scratched and combed. I think she realized that But if she sits and lets me do it, it actually feels good because it feels good to have someone play with your hair.

Laura

So wait, is there a specific type of tie you need to get, like a brand?

Shanna

Well, you can get this one. It's scoonchy, SCU with an umlot, NCI, and it's called the No Damage Polyband Elastics. And they're so tiny, you get like 500 or 1,000 in a box. So I'm honestly, I'm still using the leftover ones from when Elle was a toddler because you can't use them too long. Their hair grows longer and thicker. I mean, Elle's hair is so thick now. I couldn't even use one of these. But, yeah, so they last forever. They're super colorful. Your toddlers might eat them, so keep them. Keep them out of reach. And they blend into shag rugs, as I've noticed. They drop on the rug. Who knows? It's gone forever. Oh, man. You and your shag rugs. I know. I love shag rugs.

OK, so that's mine. What about you? BFP or BFN?

Laura

I have a BFP. And I don't know if this will apply to you. It takes a village segment because I'm not sure if this is in the OK list of foods for CECE, but my BFP is mangoes. Oh.

Shanna

Are mangoes related? I think she's had mangoes. I've not that I know of. I don't think it's related.

Laura

So I don't know why it took me till I was freaking 38 years old to realize that mangoes are delicious like my entire life. I thought I didn't like mangoes. I literally thought I was like, oh, I just don't like mangoes. I've had them. I don't like them. I'm not going to buy them. And then the other day at the store, I was trying to come up with new fruits to give him. And I saw the mangoes. I was like, well, kids supposedly like mangoes. I'll get them. And not only does he like them, but I love them, it turns out. And I realized I don't like papaya. I like mango, I don't like papaya, and I was like conflating the two. So I think the papaya, it's like a texture thing. That I didn't like but anyway mango mangoes delicious everyone else in the world has figured this out It's like the most popular fruit I think in the world or something like that. Is it really?

Oh, I think I saw that was on a YouTube video I saw so I don't know if it's We'll go with it But my toddler will eat an entire mango. And if there's one on the counter, he just goes, ingo, ingo, ingo. And I have to like, I'm like, I'll give you the mango later. The downside of the mango is cutting it.

Shanna

Yeah.

Laura

But modern technology has helped us. It's not technology. It's YouTube. I mean, it is technology, but it's not specifically for the mango. But if you go to YouTube, there's a million videos on how to cut a mango properly. And so I watched a video on how to cut a mango five different ways. I'll link to it in our show notes. And now I'm an expert at cutting mangoes. I can whip one up in 30 seconds, and he will literally eat an entire mango. It's amazing.

Shanna

Yeah. Oh, they're so good. Are they in season? Right now?

Laura

I never know. I don't know. I'm new to the mango thing, Shanna.

Shanna

Well, it's a tropical fruit. I would think that it is in season.

Laura

Sure. Yeah, I don't know. I have no idea.

Shanna

The only reason I mention it is that when they're out of season and not in the produce section, you can get frozen mango chunks. And those are great snack, too. That sounds really good.

Laura

Or to add to like a smoothie.

Shanna

Oh, yes. Yes. I've been throwing mangoes in my smoothies since I don't know, like three years ago. Stop bragging, Shanna. Some of us are new to mango.

Laura

Sorry, I'm the cooler person.

So anyway, if you're like me and you think you don't like mangoes, maybe you're just confusing it with papaya. Maybe. I've been in Southeast Asia. Like I have traveled extensively. I don't know how I got to 38, not knowing that I like mangoes, but here we are.

Shanna

Well, it's because you were meant to have an experience of discovering something new and delicious and exciting and being able to share it with your kid.

Laura

That's true. There you go. So we're a family. Actually, it's not true. Corey still doesn't think he likes mangoes. And I keep being like, well, maybe you should just try it. He's like, eh. What? So anyway, it's more mango for us. I don't care. Exactly.

Shanna

Exactly.

Laura

But anyway, that's it for me.

Shanna

Okay. Well, listeners, if you have any advice for us you know we want to hear from you. Laura, one more time. How can everyone reach us?

Laura

Send us a voice memo or an email to contact at bigfatpositivepodcast.com, or find us on socials, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, at BFP Podcast. Finally, you can join our private Big Fat Positive Community group on Facebook, just search Big Fat Positive Community, there are two questions you have to answer. If you answer both of them, we'll send you right through and you can join in on all the really amazing conversations we're having in there and all the cute baby pictures. So many cute babies. I love it. Oh, and don't forget, we also have a website, BigBatPositivePodcast.com.

Shanna

Please rate and review us wherever you listen to podcasts. It's so helpful. We appreciate it so much. And if you love us, give us a five-star review, because that really helps. If you know someone who's pregnant, a new parent, trying to conceive, let them know about Big Fat Positive. Big Fat Positive is produced by Laura Birek, Shanna Micko, and Steve Yager. Thanks for listening. See you next week. Bye.

Toddler Separation Anxiety: Struggles and Snuggles – Ep. 107

July 20, 2020

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Show Notes:

This episode's sponsors:

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Episode Transcript

Toddler Separation Anxiety: Struggles and Snuggles – Ep. 107

July 20, 2020

Listen Now:

Show Notes:

This episode's sponsors:

Whisker Litter-Robot

Once Upon a Dance

Tags

Episode Transcript